Host my own shower?! (Update in comments)

ashleyrobertson0113 · January 2016

Alright ladies I'm gonna start off saying I did use the search function and didn't find anything that seemed to be the same situation, but if there's any threads about this that I missed please feel free to yell at me and let me know! Haha.

Long story short we moved from PA to Texas about a year and a half ago. So most of my friends and all our family is up in PA. So that's where my baby shower is being held.

But... A few of my friends here in Texas want me to have a shower here, too. Problem is, nobody has offered to host it...

So I'm looking for ideas on how to have a shower here also. I know it's not really socially acceptable to throw yourself a shower. So one option I was thinking of was taking a group of my girlfriends out to the tea-room in town to celebrate and making it gift-optional. Another option that was suggested was asking one of the girls to "play host" but doing all the work myself.

Thoughts/ideas/advice/suggestions?!?!

SarahFoley725 · January 2016

Honestly, I wouldn't ask or plan anything myself. I think asking one of them to host even if you do it yourself is still tacky. Maybe they have a surprise set up or something you don't know about, but even if they don't it's not overly acceptable to push a shower on them or throw one yourself.

Parker16772 · January 2016

I hope this doesn't come across rude because I don't mean it that way but I don't think there is anyway to host your own shower and not have it come across as gift grabby/tacky. If you just want to celebrate your baby/ becoming a mom with your Texas friends then I would just invite them out to eat/hang out when you are there. I feel like if they want you to have a shower that bad then one would offer to throw it for you and they could still send gifts if they wanted to without you having a shower.

sarahufl · January 2016

If your friends want you to have one badly enough, they will host it for you.

Sarcasm101 · January 2016

ashleyrobertson0113 said:

Alright ladies I'm gonna start off saying I did use the search function and didn't find anything that seemed to be the same situation, but if there's any threads about this that I missed please feel free to yell at me and let me know! Haha. Long story short we moved from PA to Texas about a year and a half ago. So most of my friends and all our family is up in PA. So that's where my baby shower is being held. But... A few of my friends here in Texas want me to have a shower here, too. Problem is, nobody has offered to host it... So I'm looking for ideas on how to have a shower here also. I know it's not really socially acceptable to throw yourself a shower. So one option I was thinking of was taking a group of my girlfriends out to the tea-room in town to celebrate and making it gift-optional. Another option that was suggested was asking one of the girls to "play host" but doing all the work myself. Thoughts/ideas/advice/suggestions?!?!

Making it gift optional??? Seriously????

There is no way to host a shower for yourself and not come for as gift grabby or to ask (suggest) someone else to host a party for you.

FWIW, this post screams "GIVE ME PRESENTS!!!!" not I want to celebrate our new baby with my friends.

bbiutmcph · January 2016

ashleyrobertson0113 said:

Alright ladies I'm gonna start off saying I did use the search function and didn't find anything that seemed to be the same situation, but if there's any threads about this that I missed please feel free to yell at me and let me know! Haha. Long story short we moved from PA to Texas about a year and a half ago. So most of my friends and all our family is up in PA. So that's where my baby shower is being held. But... A few of my friends here in Texas want me to have a shower here, too. Problem is, nobody has offered to host it... So I'm looking for ideas on how to have a shower here also. I know it's not really socially acceptable to throw yourself a shower. So one option I was thinking of was taking a group of my girlfriends out to the tea-room in town to celebrate and making it gift-optional. Another option that was suggested was asking one of the girls to "play host" but doing all the work myself. Thoughts/ideas/advice/suggestions?!?!

So why are you looking for ways around it? If your new friends really are asking about a shower and want you to have one they will throw you one. I mean a girls luncheon is fine but it should just be that, no mention of shower, no mention of gifts etc.

misstopsail · January 2016

Next time a friend there asks if you're having a shower, be honest and say no one has offered to host one, so no.
If they want you to have one.. One of them should throw it. Otherwise, I'm sure if they want to give you a gift, they will, shower or not.

ecwk · January 2016

Nope, there is no way to go about this. It sucks you moved away, I can empathise. For quite a while I believed I wasn't going to be having a shower but I wouldn't have dreamt of throwing it for myself. Life will go on even if you don't have one. At the end of the day it's not as huge a deal as it is sometimes made out to be.

Bigboobsmcgee · January 2016

I think it's funny that your friends want you to have a shower but no one is offering to throw said shower. Nice friends.

ETA: you are getting one in PA so don't worry about having one in TX.

cMichelle0423 · January 2016

Lol just because you say it's "gift optional" doesn't mean people won't still feel obligated to bring a gift. If anything that just makes it more weird and awkward. Don't throw yourself a baby shower. And definitely don't throw yourself a baby shower disguised as a "tea party".

Sarcasm101 · January 2016

Bigboobsmcgee said:

I think it's funny that your friends want you to have a shower but no one is offering to throw said shower. Nice friends.

ETA: you are getting one in PA so don't worry about having one in TX.

What? Did you stop to think that maybe those friends can't afford to host a party but still want to celebrate the new mom?

mcklough · January 2016

I moved to a new city like 3 years ago now but my close friends and family are all still in my old city. I had my shower out there but I'm not having one in Albany.

If you want to get everyone together just host a lunch or party at your house but is not say anything about gifts.

Bigboobsmcgee · January 2016

Sarcasm101 said:

Bigboobsmcgee said:

I think it's funny that your friends want you to have a shower but no one is offering to throw said shower. Nice friends.

ETA: you are getting one in PA so don't worry about having one in TX.

What? Did you stop to think that maybe those friends can't afford to host a party but still want to celebrate the new mom?

Hey friendly one, yes I did stop and think but I still think it's shitty that her friends are like "Hey! It would be awesome to do something to celebrate your pregnancy and baby" and then...crickets. Sounds like they didn't suggest anything. Susie couldn't suggest a lunch together with the pregnant gal and all her friends? Everyone go dutch? Jessica didn't suggest a day out shopping? Nothing?

flowerpower5838 · January 2016

I am assuming that the people asking about the shower are more making conversation than telling her they want her to have a shower. I could seriously never even imagine the tackiest person saying "OMG Susie - you just HAVE to have a baby shower! I can't wait to celebrate!" and then not doing anything about it if they were told no one had offered to host.

If someone asked me about a shower and there wasn't one planned I would just say I am not aware of anyone planning to host one for me. Either they will offer or not. No one is obligated to throw a shower just like a shower is not some right of moms to be.

OP - if someone doesn't end up offering to host you a shower in your new city/state, then that's a bummer but do not host your own or ask a friend to pseudo host for you. Super duper tacky.

RMLandy · January 2016

I know people who throw their own birthday parties too. I'm sure it's been done. Doesn't make it any less tacky.

SarahFoley725 · January 2016

Sarcasm101 said:

Bigboobsmcgee said:

I think it's funny that your friends want you to have a shower but no one is offering to throw said shower. Nice friends.

ETA: you are getting one in PA so don't worry about having one in TX.

What? Did you stop to think that maybe those friends can't afford to host a party but still want to celebrate the new mom?

OP is newish to the area so I'm assuming it's a handful of girls. With that being said it is pretty simple and cheap to say "hey, Kate I think we should do something for OP wanna split a cake and some lemonade with me?" Boom, baby shower. It doesn't need to be an extravagant affair.

Knottie1442268460 · January 2016

No. No shower. But you could have a sip & see at your house after baby is born. You dont write gift optional because it's not a shower. Just a celebration.

mmmmkay · January 2016

We are considering throwing ourselves a "last hurrah" party. similar to a bachelor/bachelorette party where you say good bye to single life.. but instead we'll be saying goodbye to our wild and crazy no kids life.
planning on throwing a shindig at a karaoke bar.
no gifts.
maybe something less "showery" would be more acceptable? I don;t know!

ashleyrobertson0113 · January 2016

I think the big issue is that I'm not super super close with any of the girls here. They're all casual friends and church acquaintances and want to come to a shower. But I don't think any of them really feel like throwing a shower would be "their job" if that makes any sense.

I definitely don't care about the gifts. That's not at all what is important to me. At all. What is important to me is spending time with them and celebrating my little man.

Random side note: I definitely do not want a sip and see. The idea of that many people around my newborn is scary. So many germs.

kyraaD · January 2016

ashleyrobertson0113 said:
I think the big issue is that I'm not super super close with any of the girls here. They're all casual friends and church acquaintances and want to come to a shower. But I don't think any of them really feel like throwing a shower would be "their job" if that makes any sense.

I definitely don't care about the gifts. That's not at all what is important to me. At all. What is important to me is spending time with them and celebrating my little man.

Random side note: I definitely do not want a sip and see. The idea of that many people around my newborn is scary. So many germs.

if you're not close with any of them, then i wouldn't have a shower. to me, showers are for close friends & family. there's nothing wrong with wanting to celebrate your LO, just dont have a shower. either invite them over for a BBQ/dinner type thing, or arrange an outting with the ladies. if they ask if it's a shower, say no. that way it's clear gifts are not required. calling anything a shower pretty much means gifts are mandatory.

honestly though, if i were in your shoes, i wouldn't be bothering with any of this. sounds like way too much of a hastle, & you are having a shower in Texas, so it's not like you're "missing out" on anything.

suchaglencoco · January 2016

I didn't invite anyone I wasn't "super close with" to my showers.
To me, I wanted to spend that special time with special people in my life.

ecwk · January 2016

ashleyrobertson0113 said:
I think the big issue is that I'm not super super close with any of the girls here. They're all casual friends and church acquaintances and want to come to a shower. But I don't think any of them really feel like throwing a shower would be "their job" if that makes any sense.

I definitely don't care about the gifts. That's not at all what is important to me. At all. What is important to me is spending time with them and celebrating my little man.

Random side note: I definitely do not want a sip and see. The idea of that many people around my newborn is scary. So many germs.

So if all that's important to you is hanging out with them and celebrating then organise a night out for dinner. Make no mention of gifts, that just makes things awkward.

PinkLady2015 · January 2016

Pretty much what everyone else has said. If these people want so badly to go to your shower they will do something... Not up to you to plan it.

avalentine81 · January 2016

There are also ways for a friend to do something without spending a lot of money. When I traveled across the country for the holidays my friends and family surprised me (small, about 15 people). Everyone brought an appetizer so the only thing bought was a cake and balloons. For me it was perfect because I got to see everyone while I was home and it was just to get together and celebrate without having to go all out - especially 2 days after Christmas.

Disneygeek77 · January 2016

I'm sorry but there is no polite way to do this. The only alternative I can think of is making an announcement after a bible study and say " Hey ladies, I'm going to Olive Garden ( or where ever) after church if anyone wants to join me."

dragonfly321 · January 2016

I was on board with the idea of a tea room luncheon until you said gift optional... no.
Having your girlfriends out for lunch, or mani pedis? Go for it.
Mentioning gifts at any point during this process? No.
Yeah sure, the conversation would probably be focused around baby talk at this luncheon, but please do not breach etiquette. It is tacky to throw yourself a gift giving event.

JMarie1291 · January 2016

If you aren't super close with these ladies and no one has offered to put something together for you....then I'd recommend doing this. I recently moved an hour or so away from friends and family like 8 months ago. I've made new friends in the area and so has my husband. I'm 35 week's pregnant we hosted a party at our house last weekend we did a fb invite we had a long title for the party but this is what we called it... " help us warm up our new home with new friends while we await our new blessing". We invited the new friends we made since moving here we didn't say we wanted gifts but we never said we didn't want gifts.... people did presented us with so many gifts it was unexpected. We did drinks and catering for lots of finger foods. We also had a cake someone offered to have made and brought. By no means was this a baby shower. I even put on the invite how its been tough since moving away from our old lifes and would love to fill our home with all our new friend's to help warm it up. We did this just to feel closer to our new friends and really get to know some of the married couple's that are just starting families like us as well. It was a great time I'd suggest doing something like this!

My family and friends back home did a shower for me. I could never imagine doing one on my own for myself or anything along the line. I felt like a terrible person when I saw the people who came to our house brought us gifts. I didn't even consider people thinking of it as a baby shower. I thought it was going to be our last event at our home till baby is a few months old and one last time to gather with everyone since we won't see people till hubby goes back to work and I'm up to doing my groups and feeling like being social after baby......

Uniquewayz · January 2016

I don't see anything wrong with throwing ur own shower... u can do it however u want and have it whenever and how long u want.. no one is obligated to do anything or buy anything, it's up to the person ..
I say have a shower at ur house and who ever comes cones and who don't don't and if they bring a gift that's a blessing and if not that's fine too... I know grandmother's that have they own showers... things are not like they were 10 years ago
Men come to showers now too and some have they own men shower... it's all in what u want

missemmawoodhouse · January 2016

Uniquewayz said:
I don't see anything wrong with throwing ur own shower... u can do it however u want and have it whenever and how long u want.. no one is obligated to do anything or buy anything, it's up to the person ..
I say have a shower at ur house and who ever comes cones and who don't don't and if they bring a gift that's a blessing and if not that's fine too... I know grandmother's that have they own showers... things are not like they were 10 years ago
Men come to showers now too and some have they own men shower... it's all in what u want

So much this! Ur preggly! U deserve all the attention. I hope ppl bring u presence!

meggyme · January 2016

missemmawoodhouse said:

Uniquewayz said:
I don't see anything wrong with throwing ur own shower... u can do it however u want and have it whenever and how long u want.. no one is obligated to do anything or buy anything, it's up to the person ..
I say have a shower at ur house and who ever comes cones and who don't don't and if they bring a gift that's a blessing and if not that's fine too... I know grandmother's that have they own showers... things are not like they were 10 years ago
Men come to showers now too and some have they own men shower... it's all in what u want
So much this! Ur preggly! U deserve all the attention. I hope ppl bring u presence!

Oh lord...

kyraaD · January 2016

Uniquewayz said:
I don't see anything wrong with throwing ur own shower... u can do it however u want and have it whenever and how long u want.. no one is obligated to do anything or buy anything, it's up to the person ..
I say have a shower at ur house and who ever comes cones and who don't don't and if they bring a gift that's a blessing and if not that's fine too... I know grandmother's that have they own showers... things are not like they were 10 years ago
Men come to showers now too and some have they own men shower... it's all in what u want

*facepalm*

missteacherlady16 · January 2016

Uniquewayz said:
I don't see anything wrong with throwing ur own shower... u can do it however u want and have it whenever and how long u want.. no one is obligated to do anything or buy anything, it's up to the person ..
I say have a shower at ur house and who ever comes cones and who don't don't and if they bring a gift that's a blessing and if not that's fine too... I know grandmother's that have they own showers... things are not like they were 10 years ago
Men come to showers now too and some have they own men shower... it's all in what u want

I truly, honestly, only understood about 50% of what I just read.

ecwk · January 2016

Uniquewayz said:
I don't see anything wrong with throwing ur own shower... u can do it however u want and have it whenever and how long u want.. no one is obligated to do anything or buy anything, it's up to the person ..
I say have a shower at ur house and who ever comes cones and who don't don't and if they bring a gift that's a blessing and if not that's fine too... I know grandmother's that have they own showers... things are not like they were 10 years ago
Men come to showers now too and some have they own men shower... it's all in what u want

fourtsixand2 · January 2016

missemmawoodhouse said:

I don't see anything wrong with throwing ur own shower... u can do it however u want and have it whenever and how long u want.. no one is obligated to do anything or buy anything, it's up to the person .. I say have a shower at ur house and who ever comes cones and who don't don't and if they bring a gift that's a blessing and if not that's fine too... I know grandmother's that have they own showers... things are not like they were 10 years ago Men come to showers now too and some have they own men shower... it's all in what u want
So much this! Ur preggly! U deserve all the attention. I hope ppl bring u presence!

...........presents. And, no.

imakeeff0rts · January 2016

Preggly. That's a new one.

missteacherlady16 · January 2016

Looks like someone forgot to use their sarcasm font....

missemmawoodhouse · January 2016

missteacherlady16 said:
Looks like someone forgot to use their sarcasm font....

Crap! It was off again!

DrillSergeantCat · January 2016

Just be sure that when you throw your own shower you be sure to ask for a cover charge to cover the costs of the food and drink, ask for books instead of cards, throw a fit if they purchase off registry, or just demand gift cards.

meggyme · January 2016

missemmawoodhouse said:

missteacherlady16 said:
Looks like someone forgot to use their sarcasm font....
Crap! It was off again!

Oh thank god!!!!

dragonfly321 · January 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:
Just be sure that when you throw your own shower you be sure to ask for a cover charge to cover the costs of the food and drink, ask for books instead of cards, throw a fit if they purchase off registry, or just demand gift cards.

Forrealz! I have GOT to remember this for my next baby. Doing things the proper way is totes overrated.
Also, gofundme for maternity leave is a must!

lalaolsen · January 2016

Living in Hawaii and away from my hometown in California so I totally understand! Have you and your husband host together and have the shower be co-Ed. This way all the men can hang out and chit chat and the ladies can still be together. This way, your not only hosting yourself, your husband is also apart of it. The invitation can state "(insert names) invite you to celebrate our growing family". I don't see any issue of this especially if you have friends expecting you to have a shower. These are different times and you should be able to celebrate any way you please! Keep it casual and do a registry of course. But just don't have high expectations on massive amounts of gifts. Don't forget some beer for the boys! (if they drink that is). Good luck!

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