Induction at 33 weeks; extreme trigger warning UPDATE - BIRTH STORY

alanna3622 · December 2015

My baby has passed away. We are going back in the morning to be induced. We don't know why this has happened.

I will need to pick up stuff in the morning as we hadn't packed our hospital bag yet. The doctor said I most likely won't get a c-section, as those are usually done for issues relating to baby's health. I guess I will buy maxi pads and witch hazel from the drugstore? Pack slippers and phone charger.

I don't know why this would have happened. I heard a baby crying in the labour ward today and it made me feel like I was losing my mind.

Please tell me this gets better.

mamacastro · December 2015

I am so sorry. I don't have any consoling words right now as nothing I can say will take the pain away but know that we all will be thinking about you. Warm T&Ps to you

alanna3622 · December 2015

Thanks @mamacastro. DH just fell asleep and I am lying here with my hands on my belly.

I had a nasty cold with a fever this past week. I was taking Tylenol. Maybe I didn't take enough and the fever hurt my son?

This is so sick and unfair and total bullshit.

So grateful for DH who has been so supportive. I feel so sad for him.

mamacastro · December 2015

I can't imagine how your feeling nor pretend to but know in your heart when things like this happen it wasn't anything you did or didn't do. There is a board on here for loss you may find some help or consoling there with other women who have faced this. Again I am so very sorry and wish I could take your pain away

hlvonb · December 2015

@alanna3622

I am truly sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to think of what to say in terms of consoling words as nothing seems to be good enough for this tragic situation. All I can say is that we (the TB members) are here for you and as the PP mentioned, there is a board for this type of topic and they may have some advice as well.

I know a friend of mine whom I am close with lost her child as well (before she and I knew each other). She's able to talk about it (I heard her talking about it a while ago) and if you would like, I can try asking her what / if any advice she has? Let me know.

*HUGS*

Monkeybutt80 · December 2015

I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for you. Please don't blame yourself. It is not anything you did or didn't do. Please take care of yourself and we are here for you.

g8trkim · December 2015

I'm so sorry. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

yogahh · December 2015

Words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss. I'm sitting here crying for you right now. Sending you prayers as you get ready to deliver your son. Please now that nothing you did or didn't do caused this- please don't blame yourself. Take care of yourself and allow yourself time to grieve. Xoxo

notasycophant · December 2015

I'm so sorry. Don't blame yourself. My heartfelt thoughts go out to you and your DH. Will be praying for you during this difficult time. Take care of yourself and don'tbe afraid to ask for support.

smount2011 · December 2015

I am so sorry for your loss

bbiutmcph · December 2015

I am so sorry for your loss and send lots of prayers your way.

tripledaggerWed95976 · December 2015

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a terrible tragedy-- please don't blame yourself in any way. Thoughts and prayers to you

DrillSergeantCat · December 2015

I am so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine what you're going through. Hugs to you.

mcklough · December 2015

I'm so sorry for your loss. As previous posters have said, try not to blame yourself.

cmerribury · December 2015

I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. I wish there was something I could do or say that would bring you peace.

alanna3622 · December 2015

Thank you ladies. I really appreciate your kind words.

They told me that they can aggressively induce and aggressively manage pain when the baby's health is not in issue. And that there is basically zero chance of a c-section which is a relief in terms of recovery time. We leave for the hospital in an hour.

I was working 2 jobs and going nuts with nesting. I guess I just got run down and didn't treat the fever the way I should have. It is so unfair that this past week, right before I got sick, I had just finished my baby list -- crib, clothing, diaper system, and got all the gear except breast pump. The only thing I didn't do was pack a hospital bag. Part of me dreads going to the hospital and the other part dreads coming hone. The nursery is in our master bedroom.

They have all of these crazy questions like do we want to hold him afterwards and autopsy/remains issues and "family" photos. How is a person supposed to make these decisions? I only want for this not to have happened at all. DH can't bear the thought and has asked if I want to try again. I can't even think of how to answer that.

How is it that women get pregnant who don't even want their babies? This just doesn't make sense.

seckenrode · December 2015

My heart breaks for you. Please take care of yourself and know every woman here will be sending love and positive thoughts to you for now and for your future. Xoxo

Ju111310 · December 2015

I am so sorry for your loss. As I watched my sister go through a similar situation, I would say take as many pictures as you possibly can. Get footprints, handprints, lock of hair, any bit of memory you can. You may not want to look at those pictures now, but they will be priceless If available in your area, have the nurses contact Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Photography for you. Also, lots of good info on their website https://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org
You'll be in my prayers.

hlvonb · December 2015

alanna3622 said:

Thank you ladies. I really appreciate your kind words. They told me that they can aggressively induce and aggressively manage pain when the baby's health is not in issue. And that there is basically zero chance of a c-section which is a relief in terms of recovery time. We leave for the hospital in an hour. I was working 2 jobs and going nuts with nesting. I guess I just got run down and didn't treat the fever the way I should have. It is so unfair that this past week, right before I got sick, I had just finished my baby list -- crib, clothing, diaper system, and got all the gear except breast pump. The only thing I didn't do was pack a hospital bag. Part of me dreads going to the hospital and the other part dreads coming hone. The nursery is in our master bedroom. They have all of these crazy questions like do we want to hold him afterwards and autopsy/remains issues and "family" photos. How is a person supposed to make these decisions? I only want for this not to have happened at all. DH can't bear the thought and has asked if I want to try again. I can't even think of how to answer that. How is it that women get pregnant who don't even want their babies? This just doesn't make sense.

@alanna3622

To the 1st bolded part - Maybe it's just how I am interpreting it when reading but it seems like you're blaming yourself. I hope I'm interpreting it wrong but if I am not = PLEASE PLEASE do not blame yourself.

To the 2nd bolded part - It may seem overwhelming now and a bit hard to imagine wanting to do it but I have heard that it actually is helpful in the "healing" (lack of a better word comes to mind right now). I have heard that many people look back at those photos now and are glad they did them.

To the 3rd bolded part - Be honest with him. You two are going to be the biggest help to each other in getting through this tragic time. Tell him you need sometime to grieve (he MAY also be asking because it's his own way of trying to figure out how to get through this). Whatever you and you DH decide, make sure you're both on the same page 100%. IF you and your DH do decide to try again, I wish you all the best of luck.

Again, prayers and warm wishes to you and your DH

kyraaD · December 2015

i am so so sorry to hear this has happened to you

i cant even begin to imagine what you & DH are going through. sending thoughts & prayers your way.

CecilB93 · December 2015

So sorry to hear this, thoughts and prayers for you and your family. As pp said, don't blame yourself!!!

emjeve · December 2015

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family.

maddyclarkin1 · December 2015

I am so so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family through this rough time

katy0990 · December 2015

I am so sorry you are going through this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

pbtoast · December 2015

I am so, so, so sorry. Please do not blame yourself for this horrible tragedy. I am thinking of and praying for you.

missemmawoodhouse · December 2015

Very sorry for your loss

T&Ps to you!

groovylocks · December 2015

My heart broke when I read this. I'm so terribly sorry.

SarahFoley725 · December 2015

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I wish that there was something that we could do to help take away your pain.

cMichelle0423 · December 2015

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family. I hope you find peace sooner than later. ((Hugs))

apinkpelican · December 2015

I'm so so sorry for your loss and can't imagine what you are going through. Nothing you did wrong caused this to happen and I hope eventually you can see that. There is a late loss board on here with women going through the same heartbreak. Perhaps they can lend some advice or you can see that you aren't alone.
Wishing you peace,healing, and strength.

jonesl12 · December 2015

So sorry about your loss. Thoughts are with you today.

suchaglencoco · December 2015

I am so sorry for you and your family's loss. Life is truly unfair when things like this happen.
You did nothing wrong! Please do not continue to blame yourself.

I hope yesterday went as smooth as possible and that you have a quick recovery. I pray you find peace.

CharmBombExplosion · December 2015

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Bluejay3030 · December 2015

I'm so sorry for for loss. My heart is broken for you and your husband. There's nothing fair about what's happening, and this is definitely not your fault. Major hugs to you, and know that you're supported here.

sarawifenow · December 2015

***Lurking from May 2016***

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you must be feeling right now. Sending nothing but positive and healing thoughts your way!

herfst80 · December 2015

So sorry for your loss...can't imagine...

sunshinern96 · December 2015

Lurking from Sept 2016

I am so so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and praying for healing and peace during this difficult time.

I also second PPs suggestion of using Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, if you want to. I am a postpartum nurse and many of our patients have worked with this organization. They do such a wonderful job of celebrating the baby's life and making memories for you.

nerdymama15 · December 2015

So sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers for you and like other pp's have said do NOT blame yourself. That is the worst thing you can do. I know it is only natural to think those thoughts, but really in the end it is nothing you did or didn't do. As trite as it may sound, it just happens sometimes and it really really really sucks. As hard as it is, I would totally go with getting some pictures b/c even if it does not seem like it right now you will probably want something to remember him by later on after you have went through the grieving process. Again, thoughts and prayers for you.