Today, I cried because I have to eat eggs for breakfast now for extra protein.... And eggs are yucky. And eggs take time to cook. And I wanted to sleep in more before work. My poor husband thought I was sick and when he realized it was the eggs he laughed. At least someone is happy this morning!!!
I flat out cried yesterday. I was about to put our crib together and I realized the bottom support beam was cracked. I was looking forward to having baby's room look like an actual nursery vs an empty room. I was putting everything back into the box and started tearing up over what would happen to this specific crib. DH found me a bawling mess crying because I have to exchange the crib and no one is ever going to properly love this particular crib and how it'll end up being discarded without being used for its given purpose. I'm fully aware it's ridiculous but I still can't help but feel bad for it.
Its the same story but with more things happening on my facebook feed but of course I can't access it through work. I pulled up my facebook on my phone,, read and bawled!
February Siggy Challenge- Post pregnancy indulgences
Bawled my eyes out this morning at a FB post about a dog's last day before it is put down, and all the wonderful things it's family did for it so it would have the best day. This is an old story and I'm pretty sure I've read it before but one of my friends randomly posted it and I clicked through and just could NOT handle it.
I cried yesterday cause i became a mommy again. Growth and blood flow scans havent been very good, so they decided to deliver me at 26w. My precious girl is 1lb 4oz and already being a firecracker in the NICU. I lost it again when my 8 year old got to see her and the first thing she says is "Oh mommy! Look at how beautiful she is!"
I cried yesterday cause i became a mommy again. Growth and blood flow scans havent been very good, so they decided to deliver me at 26w. My precious girl is 1lb 4oz and already being a firecracker in the NICU. I lost it again when my 8 year old got to see her and the first thing she says is "Oh mommy! Look at how beautiful she is!"
Sending you big hugs mama!
February Siggy Challenge- Post pregnancy indulgences
A class mate from high school died yesterday. We weren't close but we did hang out with the same group. He was only 24 and died in a car wreck on the way home from work. He also happened to be an organ donor and his gift saved a little boy's life this morning. Teared up when I heard that.
I said the words I never dreamed I would ever say- "I don't want to be pregnant anymore." No, I'm not a woman who found herself if an unwanted or unplanned pregnancy, and no, I'm not an exhausted and ready to pop mom at 40 weeks. I was and am a young woman not understanding the reality of "being pregnant."
I live in reality- I knew pregnancy was more than gentle kicks from inside, an ability to excuse ridiculous eating whims, and beaming with pride as I rubbed my stomach and said- "I'm pregnant." The truth is out there, and I embraced it. My feet would swell and grow, morning sickness doesn't mean just the morning, my hair, nails, and skin would change- and not always for the better. I knew I was sacrificing my "normal" body forever to bring into the world a child- and I was okay with that- I wanted and want that.
But true reality hit with pregnancy- beyond the swelling and the red blotchy skin. For the past five months I have fought a battle of sickness. I had days where I couldn't get out of bed, yet was forced to, to puke what small sip of water I had in my stomach. I had a day where in front of 22 students one boy asked if I was still pregnant because "my bump isn't there anymore." I had weeks of people asking if I had felt my baby kick- and I hadn't, and I was scared. I had nurses searching for the sound of heart beats that they said they "just couldn't find." I had an expert if the field try to measure my little boy's heart and she passed me along to a new doctor because she "just couldn't get it." I have never worried so much in such a short time because reality is- pregnancy is fear!
Shadows prove the sunshine- and good days came. Thanksgiving week, I with my husband's hand on my belly felt our son move- lots. I had a doctor fight for me and get me a medicine pump that insures food stays with me- so the baby and I both are getting nutrients. I saw a new side of my rather tough exterior husband when he talks to my belly and searches for books and music that the baby will hear and learn from. I can have conversations with woman from generation to generation, and swap stories and questions on why sneezing becomes so difficult, and it makes me smile. Reality is- pregnancy is joy!
But the joy didn't stop the words from coming out of my mouth. At 11:15pm I walked through the door of my home after working all day and babysitting all night, both things I love, but in a pile of tear on my husband's shoulders I said "I don't want to be pregnant anymore." My pump was blaring loud and continuous beeps at me because a flange sensor was off, I had fresh bruises on my stomach from the meds which made touching my stomach with pride now a deep and shocking pain. I tried and failed eating a chicken sandwich and I was exhausted at the idea that in a few hours I had to wake up and teach students that question why my "feet look like they were stung by bees" and don't often fail to remind me that it will hurt when I deliver my child. In the moment I learned that the reality is-pregnancy is pain
My husband did exactly what he needed to do- he hugged me tight and let out the most honest and sincere laugh. I knew, he knew, this was just another day of being pregnant, not knowing what the next week or even 5 minutes would bring. He reminded me that "this too shall pass."
Being pregnant means you are always on a tightrope of hormonal highs and lows, fears and joys, pain and smiles. But the greatest reality is- pregnancy will indeed end, and that end brings the greatest reward in the world- being a mother! (or so I hear)
Are you a writer? Because that was very eloquent. And your right, pregnancy is all those things. After the baby is born, you will miss the movement and feeling so close to baby, but almost every woman is grateful to be over being pregnant. Trouble is, being a mom is great, but can be just as painful and terrifying as being pregnant (sometimes more so). Hang in there, shadows do prove the light, all the bad will make the good that much sweeter
I forgot the only Christmas gift I have for DH was in my purse. I told him that's where Tylenol was when he was looking so he found it. I'm unbelievably disappointed and cried for way too long over something so silly.
My husband has been pretty unsupportive lately. Typical issues that come with a new baby (we're first timers too)... Money, freedom, worry... He still hasn't tried to feel the baby move even though the baby makes my whole tummy jump and twitch like crazy sometimes and it breaks my heart. I know it's because it will make it more real and he's living in his own little bubble until he has to accept it. It kills me because we tried for 7 months to get pregnant. He says he's going to be the best daddy ever and that he loves his son but his actions are different. I hope things change when baby arrives.
I've heard about the Target ad that features a toddler girl with downs syndrome as a model. I forgot about it until I opened the target flier in the paper and saw that little beauty having so much fun playing with toys. I'm a mess now, but she's so precious!
Any "Hamilton" fans?? I thought I'd take another listen to "Dear Theodosia" because I was in a sappy mood. And I bawled. I should have known better!! (Never heard it? Search Dear Theodosia on YouTube and take a listen. Then tell me you didn't cry!)
Because hormones. Won't be able to get ds's present I wanted to get him, in time for Christmas. Dh spent all morning messing with his car, another 80$ in parts, and still didn't get it fixed, instead it looks like he is going to order more parts (keeping in mind that the reason I can't get ds's gift is because we won't have the money in time to order it and it get here by Christmas) have to return my rental school books through ups, so I have to take ds driving around with me as dh didn't want to stop working on his car to watch him, after 45 minutes of driving from one place to another and another... I came to the conclusion that there are no ups locations within a half hour drive and that the box I have to return them in is to big to put in a drop-box location. Went to make m&m cookies, but realized I am out of brown surgar. Dh decided to take my car instead of letting me drop him off at work "that way you won't need to worry about picking me up later". ILs are supposed to watch ds this weekend so that I could finish Christmas shopping (again, not going to happen now) and to let me relax and try to get some sleep for once: they just called to mention that they don't know now if they are going to after all. And to top it all off, my sister called about an hour ago to say that she needs me at her place (45 minutes away) sunday morning at 7 am to watch her kid. Aparently her boss lied when he told her she wouldn't be working weekends, and she is going to put in her notice at work today but needs me to watch her kid sunday. And of course, what the kid when she applies and interviews with other businesses. Then, when I tell dh about my sister and his parents, he goes "well they don't have to watch him if they don't want to, and your sister is getting on my nerves". Your nerves? Really? You work sunday morning, this will not affect you a bit. Grr, I only told him cause I wanted a hug and some sympathy. Told sister that this is it though. I don't have the time or energy to deal with her anymore. I cried when dh told me it would be fine, that he didn't know what else to tell me, but that he had to get ready for work.
Thank you on the plus side, I borrowed brown sugar from our neighbor (he has know us since our moms were pregnant with us so he didn't mind) and I made my cookies and they are awesome! So there is that to brighten my day!
@jilloboe - I am no longer allowed to listen to "Stay Alive (Reprise)" and "It's Quiet Uptown" while riding the subway, or anywhere else public. Sob city.
Ds is spending the night with grandparents. First time in over a year that he has been out over night. I am determined to enjoy the quiet. But man I miss my baby
I cried today during shopping at Rue21 because for the first time since I've been pregnant and showing,,I actually got to see myself in a full length mirror. (They were happy tears of course)This pregnancy actually feels real to me now that I've seen my baby bump!
Today I cried because I had to take our two cats to the vets for their jabs. One cat travels fine but the other is terrible. She panted and cried and howled the whole time and I just couldn't deal with it today. I must of looked like a right fool driving along with my face streaming.
I cried earlier because my boss was being so rude in a text. I emailed her and told her she hurt my feelings with what she said. It's frustrating because I work so hard in the house I'm a residential counselor at. I've been here over three years and try to keep everything in order and together, as well as advocate for our clients, and the way she spoke to me really hurt. Ok, done venting! :-)
I just got a bag of twizzlers today as part of my secret santa present today. My dh got into them before he left for work. Left them wide open on the table. I'm laying down because I'm hurting.. I hear my car keys hit the floor. I catch my dog on the table, with his nose in my bag of twizzlers, and now i have 1/4 bag (big bag) left. DH knows the dog has been known to get on the table and eat open food. So let's leave an open bag of twizzlers - that were meant for ME- on the table for the dog to feast on.
Dog is in the kennel and I'm bawling because I never have anything for myself without having to share with someone else. The minute someone gives ME something everyone else gets Into it and I end up with nothing left.
February Siggy Challenge- Post pregnancy indulgences
I was on my way to play a Christmas concert (orchestra) and heard a children's choir singing Silent Night on the radio. And as I was starting to tear up, I stopped at a red light right next to a homeless man with a cardboard sign. I gave him all the money I had in my wallet. How could I not in that moment? All the feels.
Two aunts aren't attending my shower because my cousin decided she's not driving "in the 'hood." And someone told me last night not to gain anymore weight (not sure how that's even possible while my baby TRIPLES his weight over the next 11 weeks).
Two aunts aren't attending my shower because my cousin decided she's not driving "in the 'hood." And someone told me last night not to gain anymore weight (not sure how that's even possible while my baby TRIPLES his weight over the next 11 weeks).
I'm sorry about your family and I seriously can't believe someone said that to you that's just horrendous.
Today I cried because DH and I were talking about New Years and how we always cheer to the new year and say the best is yet to come...but now the best is coming. Super lame but it's getting pretty real.
ALSO there's a new commercial I think for insurance but the slogan is "one look can change your life" and it's people holding their new babies for the first time. I can't handle all of the emotions.
I cried on Christmas Eve during my family party because the guys put the football game on the tv. I hid in my old room and cried for about ten minutes.
Re: Today I cried because...
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality
Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
Autism mama!
https://tinyurl.com/znlh8om
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality
Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
Autism mama!
March 2016 Moms: January Siggy Challenge "Pregnancy Problems"
This:
https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/8-year-old-burn-victim-who-lost-family-in-fire-receives-hundreds-of-christmas-cards-w159424
Its the same story but with more things happening on my facebook feed but of course I can't access it through work. I pulled up my facebook on my phone,, read and bawled!
@KBENADUM congrats on your daughter, and prayers for her continued strength and growth!!
He also happened to be an organ donor and his gift saved a little boy's life this morning. Teared up when I heard that.
I live in reality- I knew pregnancy was more than gentle kicks from inside, an ability to excuse ridiculous eating whims, and beaming with pride as I rubbed my stomach and said- "I'm pregnant." The truth is out there, and I embraced it. My feet would swell and grow, morning sickness doesn't mean just the morning, my hair, nails, and skin would change- and not always for the better. I knew I was sacrificing my "normal" body forever to bring into the world a child- and I was okay with that- I wanted and want that.
But true reality hit with pregnancy- beyond the swelling and the red blotchy skin. For the past five months I have fought a battle of sickness. I had days where I couldn't get out of bed, yet was forced to, to puke what small sip of water I had in my stomach. I had a day where in front of 22 students one boy asked if I was still pregnant because "my bump isn't there anymore." I had weeks of people asking if I had felt my baby kick- and I hadn't, and I was scared. I had nurses searching for the sound of heart beats that they said they "just couldn't find." I had an expert if the field try to measure my little boy's heart and she passed me along to a new doctor because she "just couldn't get it." I have never worried so much in such a short time because reality is- pregnancy is fear!
Shadows prove the sunshine- and good days came. Thanksgiving week, I with my husband's hand on my belly felt our son move- lots. I had a doctor fight for me and get me a medicine pump that insures food stays with me- so the baby and I both are getting nutrients. I saw a new side of my rather tough exterior husband when he talks to my belly and searches for books and music that the baby will hear and learn from. I can have conversations with woman from generation to generation, and swap stories and questions on why sneezing becomes so difficult, and it makes me smile. Reality is- pregnancy is joy!
But the joy didn't stop the words from coming out of my mouth. At 11:15pm I walked through the door of my home after working all day and babysitting all night, both things I love, but in a pile of tear on my husband's shoulders I said "I don't want to be pregnant anymore." My pump was blaring loud and continuous beeps at me because a flange sensor was off, I had fresh bruises on my stomach from the meds which made touching my stomach with pride now a deep and shocking pain. I tried and failed eating a chicken sandwich and I was exhausted at the idea that in a few hours I had to wake up and teach students that question why my "feet look like they were stung by bees" and don't often fail to remind me that it will hurt when I deliver my child. In the moment I learned that the reality is-pregnancy is pain
My husband did exactly what he needed to do- he hugged me tight and let out the most honest and sincere laugh. I knew, he knew, this was just another day of being pregnant, not knowing what the next week or even 5 minutes would bring. He reminded me that "this too shall pass."
Being pregnant means you are always on a tightrope of hormonal highs and lows, fears and joys, pain and smiles. But the greatest reality is- pregnancy will indeed end, and that end brings the greatest reward in the world- being a mother! (or so I hear)
Then, when I tell dh about my sister and his parents, he goes "well they don't have to watch him if they don't want to, and your sister is getting on my nerves". Your nerves? Really? You work sunday morning, this will not affect you a bit. Grr, I only told him cause I wanted a hug and some sympathy.
Told sister that this is it though. I don't have the time or energy to deal with her anymore.
I cried when dh told me it would be fine, that he didn't know what else to tell me, but that he had to get ready for work.
One cat travels fine but the other is terrible.
She panted and cried and howled the whole time and I just couldn't deal with it today. I must of looked like a right fool driving along with my face streaming.
I just got a bag of twizzlers today as part of my secret santa present today. My dh got into them before he left for work. Left them wide open on the table. I'm laying down because I'm hurting.. I hear my car keys hit the floor. I catch my dog on the table, with his nose in my bag of twizzlers, and now i have 1/4 bag (big bag) left. DH knows the dog has been known to get on the table and eat open food. So let's leave an open bag of twizzlers - that were meant for ME- on the table for the dog to feast on.
Dog is in the kennel and I'm bawling because I never have anything for myself without having to share with someone else. The minute someone gives ME something everyone else gets Into it and I end up with nothing left.
And also a killer whale at Sea World San Antonio died.
Oh!! I'm such a sucker for whale and dolphin news. I cried because I saw the dolphin slaughter last week. Now I'll probably cry over Unna.
Today I cried because DH and I were talking about New Years and how we always cheer to the new year and say the best is yet to come...but now the best is coming. Super lame but it's getting pretty real.
ALSO there's a new commercial I think for insurance but the slogan is "one look can change your life" and it's people holding their new babies for the first time. I can't handle all of the emotions.