Oh boy... gender disappointment - Page 2 — The Bump
2nd Trimester

Oh boy... gender disappointment


Re: Oh boy... gender disappointment

  • I feel so sad for your baby boy. I hope you'll change your mind once you see him.
  • OP I felt slightly disappointed when I was told I was having a boy however it quickly passes and I couldn't be more excited to meet my son!!
  • Loading the player...
  • Tardy to the party, but ditto the majority of the PPs. You're having a healthy baby. Not something to be devastated over.

    @BostonTerrior2008 I'm so sorry for what you you have been through. And @PrimRoseMama you may not recognize me anymore, but I am your biggest bump fan.
  • not to "side" with you, but just to offer a little comfort... i had a friend who desperately wanted a girl after having a boy the first time around and was told it was a girl the entire time...she had another baby shower, did another nursery, etc. and then had a boy... she went into extreme post par-dome because she felt like she had "lossed" her baby girl... after the hormones and everything went away, both of her boys are amazing.  she is thrilled at how close they all are and wouldn't change it at all.  I'm sorry  your first has been such a challenge, but as someone else posted, that does not mean your next baby boy will be anything remotely like him.  I know it's difficult to have things that are hard to admit or hard to even feel at times, so I'm sorry you're getting so much backlash... I think it's important to remember that everyone is going through so many things all at once and we all have experiences and sadness and happiness too.  On top of all of that, no one is listening to these comments in the necessary tones they are meant to be in, just reading them in whatever mood they are currently in.  I hope you move passed this "disappointment" and realize how awesome it'll be to be surrounded by "your boys".  You'll always have that different bond that a mother has with her sons and while the one between a mother and a daughter is also amazing, the one you will have with your TWO boys is also one to treasure and be thankful for.  Good luck the rest of your pregnancy :)
  • I know a few couples trying to get pregnant that keep failing that would love to take that disappointed boy you are having off your hands! Seriously, you you be any more messed up?
  • Yeah, this is pretty gross and you should be ashamed of yourself.

    I just hope you don't take it out on your new son that he isn't the daughter you actually wanted. 
  • I was just saying to myself that the bump has been boring lately. Thanks for the entertainment. FYI I know of a lot of couples who would love to adopt your inconvenient baby boy.
  • Sorry you are feeling down. Just to put it in perspective, if you did end up having a girl, a girl could be just as challenging as a boy to parent.
  • BRomantic said:

    So I understand that this has been discussed before, but those posts were all fairly old and I need to get this off my chest.

    I don't want another boy... there I said it.

    I have a fairly complex reasons for wanting a girl, but the short story is that my husband already have a boy. As much as we love him to pieces he has been a challenge. We waited 6 years before having another and we both really really really wanted a girl this time. 

    Now that I'm pregnant with baby number 2 my husband and son started to refer to the baby by the girl name we picked out, and my husband even bought some super girly pink baby clothes. I tried to keep rational that we don't know it's a girl, but things felt different this time and I wanted to believe that I was carrying our little girl. 

    In all our anticipation we got an elective ultrasound at 15 weeks to see if we could find out the baby's gender. It took the lady all of 10 seconds to find a good image and she didn't even need to tell me. I knew right away it was another boy. There was an overwhelming feeling of disappointment followed by guilt that I wan't bubbling with excitement over this baby. I even went into denial that 15 week ultrasounds can't be that reliable, maybe this was all a misinterpretation. Then two days later we got the results back from an elective blood test. The good news was that baby was healthy and no signs of common chromosomal abnormalities; the bad news (at least to me) it was for sure a boy. 

    I don't mean to be ungrateful, and I acknowledge that I have been privileged with both my pregnancies so far. I don't know what it's like to struggle with conceiving, I've never experienced a miscarriage, and I've never had a child suffer from an incurable disease. But I do know what it's like to have a dream of what your child will be like only to be crushed by reality. It feels like a loss, and I've cried a lot this past week. 

    I just want others struggling with gender disappointment to know that this pain is real and I know it will get better with time. 

    Your struggle is obviously real but I encourage you to look at the big picture. I don't know what you believe so I'm going to just speak based on how I look at things. Every child is a miracle and God chose to give you another son for a purpose. Your son has value and I'm sure will steal your heart. Your disappointment about not having a girl is because your current son is difficult? Maybe there are other issues that need addressed and how do you know your daughter wouldn't cause you the same concern? I'm not saying these things to sound harsh like many others have responded to you but it's going to come down to making the decision to love your son unconditionally because he is YOURS and deserves that from you.
    When I found out I was pregnant I imagined myself with a girl but I felt bad doing that because I knew there was a possibility that I could be having a boy. So any time I would save baby info or ideas I would save boy things in one folder and girl things in another folder... And I had them both named after the names I would choose for either gender. I found out I am having a girl and have been absolutely thrilled beyond measure, but because I had named my "boy" it felt weird at times when I realized he is no longer a possibility right now. I would have been happy either way. Our minds can play so many tricks on us especially when we are so emotionally connected as well. Maybe God will bless you with a daughter in the future but for now you need to try and set aside those selfish feelings. Try doing some things to prepare and help you get excited for your baby boy. Have you picked out a name? Try doing that and start talking to him.
    I will be praying for you and your son!

  • Is this for real?

    Happy October :D
    Emmett Austin Langford, born sleeping 2.25.15

    "Once you are Real you can't become unreal again.  It lasts for always." 
    || The Velveteen Rabbit ||

    >>> BFP 6.6.15, Rainbow due 2.6.15! <<<
    >>We are Team Pink!<<

    I write over at Grace In Chaos.
  • I'm literally sick to my stomach at what I read from the OP.

    This is not even close to a loss, nor is is similar to experiencing a loss.

    Happy October :D
    Emmett Austin Langford, born sleeping 2.25.15

    "Once you are Real you can't become unreal again.  It lasts for always." 
    || The Velveteen Rabbit ||

    >>> BFP 6.6.15, Rainbow due 2.6.15! <<<
    >>We are Team Pink!<<

    I write over at Grace In Chaos.
  • Gender disappointment is real and totally reasonable... but I do agree with everyone else about comparing it to a loss. That was a very poor choice in words.
    image    BabyFruit Ticker
  • This thread has been closed to new posts due to the discussion’s shift to an unwelcoming tone. Creating threads in direct response to this one will be grounds for warning and/or removal from The Bump Community.

    Please note that we remove posts that do not follow our guidelines and will issue warnings to users who violate the Terms of Use.

    To review our Community guidelines, please visit the The Bump Guidelines pinned at the top of this board. Thank you.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards