@upandbelow I'm in the same boat except DH pulled call when LO was a week old. I can tell you from experience I'd rather him do it while pregnant than right after birth!
I feel for all the mommas that are alone the first week with their LO... I honestly don't know what sleep is anymore my day starts at 330am and ends at 12am next day .... I cannot even describe how my DH has been acting I just want to rip his head off....
I made a list of all the stuff I wanted to get done around the house this week.... My fiancé found it and completed it while I was at work today. I didn't even know what to say! I guess his snoopyness (not a word, I know) worked out in my favor for once. I cried. The list was so overwhelming and would've taken me twice the time it took him. Ahhh I'm glad dads nest too! I thought it would never happen.
I made a list of all the stuff I wanted to get done around the house this week.... My fiancé found it and completed it while I was at work today. I didn't even know what to say! I guess his snoopyness (not a word, I know) worked out in my favor for once. I cried. The list was so overwhelming and would've taken me twice the time it took him. Ahhh I'm glad dads nest too! I thought it would never happen.
That is awesome! Many brownie points for your fiancé!
DH went to grab a few groceries and came back with my favorite soups and the specific crackers I love. He gave me a funny look when I started happy crying. I explained that I was crying because he does pay attention sometimes! He's usually bringing home the things he likes on the rare occasions he goes. Silly but it's a huge deal to me!
a thing happened yesterday. but not just anything. a POSITIVE thing. 8-> so yesterday when DH got home from work. he decided to take the tent down, and reorganize/start to tidy the living room. so the whole living room was vacuumed, and the tent is gone :x
now if we just stay on that track and the rest of the apartment is done, i can go into labour in peace.. or as peaceful as it can be. [-O<
DH thinks when the baby stirs, he's awake and it's ok to talk to him and stroke him. The only way to get him back to sleep is to nurse him, and my nipples are getting sore. I just tried to explain to DH that he needs to STOP F'ING TOUCHING THE BABY when he's sleeping because it falls on me to put him back to sleep. DH threw a temper tantrum and stormed out of the room. 20 minutes later, this baby is still dry sucking my boob. I am so not apologizing.
Trying to remind myself that DH is not an idiot and is actually really awesome.
LO is going through a phase right now where she doesn't want to sleep at night and she wants to be on top of me at all times. This means i basically don't sleep. Last night DH had a breakdown because apparently this makes him feel useless, so not only did I get to comfort screaming baby, I also had to make my husband feel better. I got about 2 hours of sleep between 730 and 930. Woke up, got myself and LO ready for our day... and the apartment is trashed, because DH wouldn't let me clean it last night and didn't clean it himself like he promised he would when he told me not to. So instead of eating, sleeping, and getting work done when LO isn't crying, eating, or needing to be changed, I've been cleaning this mess, most of which is DH's.
I'm trying to bear in mind that I'm running on basically no sleep, am hungry since I've only eaten a bagel and it's going on 2pm, and I'm hormonal... none of which is DH's fault. But I think when he gets home from work today he's going to have to deal with a very bitchy wife.
DH was more worried about this delivery than I thought. Our first day home, he accomplished more in one afternoon than he has in a month. He has also stopped sleep walking, thank god. It's just nice to have my DH back. We were both so worried, the last few weeks were really rough. It's sweet to know he was so worried about me and wanted to make sure we didn't replay DS's delivery.
Tomorrow is our anniversary and it just so happens to be induction day. Since we have to be at the hospital super early, DH has made plans to eat a light breakfast out in the middle of the night as our "anniversary date." I thought I was super sweet and though, I'm not excited about getting up at 2 am, I probably won't sleep anyway and wouldn't want to eat my last meal with anyone else.
My SO went to Walmart to grab some more bottles a couple of days ago and I stayed home with baby (keep in mind I had stayed up all night because she isn't tolerating her formula well and cried from midnight to about 7 am)...anyways while he was out there was a car show in town and he "stopped by"...oh and yesterday he went for a massage (I mean it was Father's Day but geez lol). My mom keeps telling me that with men I just have to be blunt about things so I'm trying to work on that. I honestly think he just doesn't think about it. Meh. Whatever. :-L
DH thinks when the baby stirs, he's awake and it's ok to talk to him and stroke him. The only way to get him back to sleep is to nurse him, and my nipples are getting sore. I just tried to explain to DH that he needs to STOP F'ING TOUCHING THE BABY when he's sleeping because it falls on me to put him back to sleep. DH threw a temper tantrum and stormed out of the room. 20 minutes later, this baby is still dry sucking my boob. I am so not apologizing.
DH seriously just reached over in his sleep and lays his heavy hand on the baby's head. Just after he finally settled down. Either I'm going to lose my mind or DH is going to lose his balls. WTF DUDE?!?!?!?!?!
@virginiaunicorn11 I threatened to stab DH if he even thought about touching DS when we were sleep training. Can you hand off LO when he's awake so DH can get snuggle time in without waking him? Maybe then he'll listen? Good luck, hopefully DH starts listening to you.
So, last night around 2am I'm in a wonderful sleep having finally dozed off in between the 4th and 5th pee break and DH decides it would be funny to 'scare you awake so baby is born' DUDE SHE IS NOT THE HICCOUGHS!!!! gah
@virginiaunicorn11 I threatened to stab DH if he even thought about touching DS when we were sleep training. Can you hand off LO when he's awake so DH can get snuggle time in without waking him? Maybe then he'll listen? Good luck, hopefully DH starts listening to you.
DH is home with us all day, and basically any time the baby is awake, I give him right to DH. He's just smitten, and super excited to have a son. Which I get. But he just genuinely doesn't think what he's doing is disruptive. In the beginning, we were attending every noise. Now I know how much LO
@virginiaunicorn11 I threatened to stab DH if he even thought about touching DS when we were sleep training. Can you hand off LO when he's awake so DH can get snuggle time in without waking him? Maybe then he'll listen? Good luck, hopefully DH starts listening to you.
You know what finally worked? Blaming him for waking LO once when he didn't actually do it! DH got so mad about the false accusation that now he won't touch him when he's sleeping, just to prove to me that he doesn't do it. Men!!! Makes me laugh. There are worse problems to have, for sure.
So, last night around 2am I'm in a wonderful sleep having finally dozed off in between the 4th and 5th pee break and DH decides it would be funny to 'scare you awake so baby is born' DUDE SHE IS NOT THE HICCOUGHS!!!! gah
I had the opposite conversation with my fiancé! I told him to try to scare the baby out of me and he said "... You know it's a baby, not the hiccups, right??". I guess I'm willing to try anything!
Within 24 hours I've gone from super in love with Dh and how he handles LO, to being super pissed. Earlier today every time LO would stir or cry he would go pick him up and bounce him to settle him, or change him, then bring him to me to see if LO wanted the boob.
So, after basically boasting / bragging last night to the night shift nurses that he can't really ever sleep at night and 3rd shift would totally be his game if he could choose a schedule - ever since it started to get dark today he has just either been cranky LO wouldn't sleep unless held, or trying to convince me to let the nurses take LO for a couple hours so 'we' could sleep.
The problem - LO 's digestion is adjusting to life on the outside and he is burpy or gassy and won't sleep unless being held. Once he is asleep he'll wake if you put him down, and won't go back to sleep. Solution - snuggle the kid while he sleeps. Sucks for you, mom and dad, but welcome to parenthood.
Anyway. From 10pm ish to 1am ish, I took that shift. Woke LO just before 1am to change him (which DH did while I went pee) and I fed LO. So then I tell DH it's his turn for snuggle duty while I get a nap. Well, he wants to try leaving LO with the nurses. So around 2am the nurse takes LO off to try to do his hearing test and maybe give us 90 min to sleep. Before 3am she is back, LO is cranky, acting like he's hungry, just generally not working out. Back on boob LO goes. Back to sleep DH goes. LO snacks a little bit then also goes to sleep. Mom does not get to sleep, and DH apparently thinks his turn at snuggling so LO can sleep was taken care of when the nurse had LO for less than an hour. DH woke up at 530 to use the restroom and checked LO's diaper, and I tried to feed LO. While LO nursed, DH has now gone back to sleep (I told him when he woke up that after this nursing session its his turn to snuggle. Apparently he doesn't think so). Its 545am. The only time I have slept tonight is during the less than an hour the nurse had LO, so maybe 35 minutes. The only time DH has NOT slept tonight is during maybe 3 segments of 10-15 minutes each.
I'm sorry, but who just shat out this kid and is extremely weary from a pretty big physical ordeal and could *really* use the healing benefits of sleep? My bad. I totally thought that was me. X(
Just a funny DH story - I had gone into the garage to get a bottle of water from the fridge out there and remembered I needed to bring in the trash and recycling bins. So I open the garage door and bring in the bins and I see my neighbor and stroll over there and we're talking for a while, which turns into a longer while... Which turns into an hour or more. As we're standing in her driveway, I see our car come around the corner, and I'm like 'why is DH coming home? He's not off duty until tomorrow?' And then I remember that I have no idea how long I have been outside chatting, but its been a while, and I left my phone inside. /:) And sure enough, he gets out the car and says "if you are going to be away from your phone for an extended period of time, would you let me know, please!?!?" And he shows me he texted me over an hour ago, followed by another text, followed by a panicked phone call, until he finally just told his command he had to go home and check on me. Luckily they were cool with it, but I felt really bad about it.
Hahaha my SO and family are the same! I can't even take a long hot shower now without having someone panic call me. I feel like I have to ask before doing anything now haha
@mellymar I feel your pain, my mom has been staying with us since DH has class for work. She has been a saint and I don't know what I would do without her, but I am going to scream if she says she's tired again.
DH cannot pick a name to save his soul. I want to choke the guy right now. Here's why.... He believes you have one name you go with no matter what the kid looks like. I want to see baby first....... But ironically enough he can't pick a name....... He used to be head over heels with a name and now he just doesn't know.....
SO and I both have a different name chosen, he wants to 'flip a coin' or 'rock paper scissors'. Are you KIDDING me!!!!! That's not how you pick a name. I've been biting my tongue and suggesting maybe we should meet him first.
DH cannot pick a name to save his soul. I want to choke the guy right now. Here's why.... He believes you have one name you go with no matter what the kid looks like. I want to see baby first....... But ironically enough he can't pick a name....... He used to be head over heels with a name and now he just doesn't know.....
SO and I both have a different name chosen, he wants to 'flip a coin' or 'rock paper scissors'. Are you KIDDING me!!!!! That's not how you pick a name. I've been biting my tongue and suggesting maybe we should meet him first.
When it came to names, I played the Virginia card. I was doing the work, I had final say. Luckily with both kiddos, DH suggested their names and I really liked both.
DH does not get up with baby at all! I'm literally running on 1.5 hrs of sleep right now and only wanted him to hold the baby(who is WIDE awake all night) so I can sleep a little before he leaves for work. And he lasted about 15 minutes before the annoyed sighs and ho hums kicked in. I get he has to go to work, but my gosh I am really feeling like I'm in this alone. I'm home with the baby all day and up with him all night--- alone. It just really annoys me that DH doesn't seem to understand just how difficult this is- I labored for several hours and then get home (with my sore and recovering body) and now I'm left caring for this brand new baby alone- cracked nips and all. What the heck.
randomly mentioned that im hungry(was actually hungry but just jokingly complaining) DH decides to make me eggs and toast. which was tasty. and he did some dishes whilst cooking and he returned to no smoking again, so hopefully that one sticks.
after this mornings rave.. now i have a rant.. or maybe its just a frustration.. anyways, on the way to my appointment not too long ago, i told DH that i would deny a cervical check if the doctor asks if i want one, saying it is pointless and the dialation/effacement is no indication of labour. well DH didnt like that very much, saying its importnant and will help the doctors know how to treat you later when the time comes, bringing up tearing and the like.. claiming its "basic biology" (the way he was saying all this felt really like.. condesending, as if im an idiot for not knowing it) then after more discussion he tried to put his hand on my knee and i asked him not to. he got annoyed asking why he cant when i was okay with it before and blah blah blah. so i tried later bringing it up saying "you realize that the cervix doesnt tear right?" and he just turns the volume way up on the music he is listening to. a little while later says, "so ill drop you off and you can text me when youre done" and just rrrrgggghhhhh.
so now i feel sick, and i have a headache and im even more in a bad mood than before. woo.
Another wee hour DH rant. He keeps trying to have the nurses take DS away for a little while so if he fusses they can soothe him (but not feed him) if they can so 'I' can get some sleep. Look, homie. At home there will be only you and I to deal with fussiness, so sending DS away and having someone else calm him down does not help us learn how to do our job. Yes, I realize there will be many sleepless nights in our (my) future, so I maybe should grab this opportunity to catch an hour nap. But, the very fact that I have endless nights like this one coming up means I should use this practice session so that tomorrow or the next day when I don't have someone to ask questions of I am better prepared. Besides. I'm getting to know this kid and I know that should they take him, I won't get more than an hour because the kid just will not soothe without the boob. Its the only thing that works. An hour is great and all, but in the grand scheme of all the endless hours ahead, is this one right now going to be all that? Especially when I could still get that hour, if you just woke your ass up for 60 minutes to spell me
So, get over it and wake up for an hour and take a shift watching me and DS sleep so I can grab an hour nap with him snuggling on me and I know I won't drop him if I nod off. I know this, cause you're watching out for us, right?
DH And I had a firm agreement that when our help left (my sis here for a week) that we would do every other night taking turns up with baby. .......hmmmm last night he says "well if I have to work the next day I have to function." No shit!!! So it seems he is possibly backing out on our deal. There may be blood.
I have not kept up with this thread at all, so I apologize if I could search through here and find my exact answer...but my DH has been fabulous keeping my emotions in check, coaching me through ridiculous moments, etc. But one thing he is not doing great at is picking up my slack around our lives. I am the motivation for like, 98% of our projects, I clean the house, I keep tabs on bills, I make sure we get up on time so the dogs aren't sitting around sad. I know that some of this can be let go and is just my control freakish nature not being used to another person's timeline. HOWEVER, I really worry that the house will get gross, the farm projects will be let go, and that he won't be able to pick up the slack post birth because I won't be there to be like, "OK, its 9am, we've had our coffee, let's go fix that goat fence!" Because it will sound more like me saying, "Hey, its 9am, why don't you go get started on that goat fence?"
Any tips on how to talk to him about my concerns, and more importantly, make him do at least some of this stuff on my timeline, without hurting his feelings or making him angry?
@SmashJam maybe try writing a list of things that need to get done? My husband is HORRIBLE about being on top of things and it was so frustrating for me because I felt like if I didn't do something it wouldn't get done or I'd have to repeat myself probably ten times for one thing. Making a list and hanging it on the door really worked for us and he got things done without me having to ask him/remind him. I didn't think that's something that would work for him but it totally did.
So today was finally my day to have time without lo for a good stretch ( I pump). So suddenly my time is now only 8 hours which dh has gotten on several occasions since he went back to work over a week and half ago. Well normally when dh works he has been sleeping I the extra bedroom so he can get some actual rest and I take baby everynight. Fine no problem it's the weekend I want one day I get to rest and have me time. As you have gotten out of any baby duty after 10 pm every night and in general don't take the baby for more than 2 hours every day. So now I get 8 hours starting at 10pm and dh feels the need to remind me that it's only if there is enough milk, mind you we have never had less than an extra 4 ounces in the fridge. But suddenly I get 8 hours so im going to starve my kid? Not to mention that appa re entry I haven't let him have more than 8 hours? Yet he played league of legend every night for 3 hours and gets to sleep 7 hours as well. I've also only ask for more than 2 hours when he got home 3 times in the last 10 days but apparently that's too much? This was on the car ride home. He is also having his super flaky buddy come up for 3 days so now I have to drive them both around and give him time to hang out with his buddy even though our lo is 3 weeks old. Needless to say I told him I need some serious space when we got home before I kicked him in the balls. He also keeps complain about being tired...
I have to say my husband has been absolutely amazing. He is working a second job to save up money for all of the things we will need with our little girl. I'm keeping busy my trying to keep up with chores and laundry so it isn't overwhelming, but he is carrying things for me so I don't have to. He set up all of the furniture in the nursery and ripped up all of the carpeting and installed laminate flooring for our upstairs. However, I just KNOW he is going to be passed out on a Valium drip in the hospital during labor, haha. Doctors and hospitals aren't his strong suit
I'm feeling extremely stabby towards DH right now. He's on toddler duty and DS is 3....so it's a challenge. DS doesn't listen right now. In fact he will do the exact opposite of what you want right now, so playing the opposites game all day could be an option...though not very practical or the way to get him to learn what's what. So here we are 5 days pp and he's had three days with DS (both are sick, so that adds a whole fun twist on this transition to a family of four!). This testing of boundaries and not doing what he's told when asked the first time is driving my DH to the point of frustration. Now he's using this tone and "I've had it" attitude towards DS for a good portion of the day.
It shifts the energy in the house dramatically, which I seriously want no part in. I chose to have an adult conversation with him about it and he's now taking direct offense to his parenting abilities vs hey loose the attitude man, can we just think about handling this transition with a newborn and a three year old with a little less intensity and "do it or else" gusto. It's a process with LO's and I have found usually when explained a different way to DS, he usually changes his tune and does what's asked.
So now we're fighting, he's playing the "well maybe I should just cut my paternity leave short and go back to work tomorrow" card, which sorry pal...you're not getting off that easy!
I'm outside drinking mothers milk tea, trying to relax and not stab anyone.
I've been with DH for 10 years and have known him since we were 10 years old. He has this new, higher pitched laugh/giggle when he is with our baby, that I've never heard before. It's such a joyous, magical sound. Love this guy!
(Even though I couldn't figure out why LO's butt was always so irritated... Til I saw DH wiping him back to front. Noooooooo!!!!!)
so.. its almost 40 degrees (over 100 for you non canadians)outside right now.. DH and i get back from getting a few groceries, and as im laying down on the bed trying to cool down he comes in and asks me if i want to do anything today so im not just "laying around" that i need to keep active.. ITS FUCKING 40 DEGREES OUTSIDE. im carrying an extra 30 lbs. pre pregnancy i hated this heat and would stay inside. what the fuck makes you think i want to go out now at almost 200lbs? the apartment looks like shit, if i go into labour now we wont have a clean space to try to relax in once we get home. ffs. X(
My parents are coming to visit tomorrow. We were supposed to clean and de-clutter the house this past weekend. My husband said he would clean the office, which was a huge mess. He spent about an hour in there and then proclaimed it clean. I did everything else, including shampooing all of the carpet in the house. (Not a good idea since I had a c/s. My discharge instructions said I can do housework after 4 weeks but I think I overdid it.). I just went into the office and the only thing he did was clear off the desk. There is still two boxes of papers that need to be shredded, books that need to be shelved, art supplies that need to be put away, and all surfaces need a good dusting. Ugh!! I still have to clean the bathrooms! I know our idea of clean are very different but come on!!
Re: DH/SO rants or raves? Put them here!
I'm in the same boat except DH pulled call when LO was a week old. I can tell you from experience I'd rather him do it while pregnant than right after birth!
so yesterday when DH got home from work. he decided to take the tent down, and reorganize/start to tidy the living room. so the whole living room was vacuumed, and the tent is gone :x
now if we just stay on that track and the rest of the apartment is done, i can go into labour in peace.. or as peaceful as it can be. [-O<
also its really hard to eat eggs while youre still laying down. :x
LO is going through a phase right now where she doesn't want to sleep at night and she wants to be on top of me at all times. This means i basically don't sleep. Last night DH had a breakdown because apparently this makes him feel useless, so not only did I get to comfort screaming baby, I also had to make my husband feel better. I got about 2 hours of sleep between 730 and 930. Woke up, got myself and LO ready for our day... and the apartment is trashed, because DH wouldn't let me clean it last night and didn't clean it himself like he promised he would when he told me not to. So instead of eating, sleeping, and getting work done when LO isn't crying, eating, or needing to be changed, I've been cleaning this mess, most of which is DH's.
I'm trying to bear in mind that I'm running on basically no sleep, am hungry since I've only eaten a bagel and it's going on 2pm, and I'm hormonal... none of which is DH's fault. But I think when he gets home from work today he's going to have to deal with a very bitchy wife.
So, after basically boasting / bragging last night to the night shift nurses that he can't really ever sleep at night and 3rd shift would totally be his game if he could choose a schedule - ever since it started to get dark today he has just either been cranky LO wouldn't sleep unless held, or trying to convince me to let the nurses take LO for a couple hours so 'we' could sleep.
The problem - LO 's digestion is adjusting to life on the outside and he is burpy or gassy and won't sleep unless being held. Once he is asleep he'll wake if you put him down, and won't go back to sleep. Solution - snuggle the kid while he sleeps. Sucks for you, mom and dad, but welcome to parenthood.
Anyway. From 10pm ish to 1am ish, I took that shift. Woke LO just before 1am to change him (which DH did while I went pee) and I fed LO. So then I tell DH it's his turn for snuggle duty while I get a nap. Well, he wants to try leaving LO with the nurses. So around 2am the nurse takes LO off to try to do his hearing test and maybe give us 90 min to sleep. Before 3am she is back, LO is cranky, acting like he's hungry, just generally not working out. Back on boob LO goes. Back to sleep DH goes. LO snacks a little bit then also goes to sleep. Mom does not get to sleep, and DH apparently thinks his turn at snuggling so LO can sleep was taken care of when the nurse had LO for less than an hour. DH woke up at 530 to use the restroom and checked LO's diaper, and I tried to feed LO. While LO nursed, DH has now gone back to sleep (I told him when he woke up that after this nursing session its his turn to snuggle. Apparently he doesn't think so). Its 545am. The only time I have slept tonight is during the less than an hour the nurse had LO, so maybe 35 minutes. The only time DH has NOT slept tonight is during maybe 3 segments of 10-15 minutes each.
I'm sorry, but who just shat out this kid and is extremely weary from a pretty big physical ordeal and could *really* use the healing benefits of sleep? My bad. I totally thought that was me. X(
Hahaha my SO and family are the same! I can't even take a long hot shower now without having someone panic call me. I feel like I have to ask before doing anything now haha
SO and I both have a different name chosen, he wants to 'flip a coin' or 'rock paper scissors'. Are you KIDDING me!!!!! That's not how you pick a name. I've been biting my tongue and suggesting maybe we should meet him first.
DH decides to make me eggs and toast.
and he returned to no smoking again, so hopefully that one sticks.
now i have a rant.. or maybe its just a frustration..
anyways, on the way to my appointment not too long ago, i told DH that i would deny a cervical check if the doctor asks if i want one, saying it is pointless and the dialation/effacement is no indication of labour. well DH didnt like that very much, saying its importnant and will help the doctors know how to treat you later when the time comes, bringing up tearing and the like.. claiming its "basic biology" (the way he was saying all this felt really like.. condesending, as if im an idiot for not knowing it)
then after more discussion he tried to put his hand on my knee and i asked him not to. he got annoyed asking why he cant when i was okay with it before and blah blah blah. so i tried later bringing it up saying "you realize that the cervix doesnt tear right?" and he just turns the volume way up on the music he is listening to. a little while later says, "so ill drop you off and you can text me when youre done" and just rrrrgggghhhhh.
so now i feel sick, and i have a headache and im even more in a bad mood than before. woo.
So, get over it and wake up for an hour and take a shift watching me and DS sleep so I can grab an hour nap with him snuggling on me and I know I won't drop him if I nod off. I know this, cause you're watching out for us, right?
.......hmmmm last night he says "well if I have to work the next day I have to function."
No shit!!! So it seems he is possibly backing out on our deal. There may be blood.
However, I just KNOW he is going to be passed out on a Valium drip in the hospital during labor, haha. Doctors and hospitals aren't his strong suit
It shifts the energy in the house dramatically, which I seriously want no part in. I chose to have an adult conversation with him about it and he's now taking direct offense to his parenting abilities vs hey loose the attitude man, can we just think about handling this transition with a newborn and a three year old with a little less intensity and "do it or else" gusto. It's a process with LO's and I have found usually when explained a different way to DS, he usually changes his tune and does what's asked.
So now we're fighting, he's playing the "well maybe I should just cut my paternity leave short and go back to work tomorrow" card, which sorry pal...you're not getting off that easy!
I'm outside drinking mothers milk tea, trying to relax and not stab anyone.
It's such a joyous, magical sound. Love this guy!
(Even though I couldn't figure out why LO's butt was always so irritated... Til I saw DH wiping him back to front. Noooooooo!!!!!)
ITS FUCKING 40 DEGREES OUTSIDE. im carrying an extra 30 lbs. pre pregnancy i hated this heat and would stay inside. what the fuck makes you think i want to go out now at almost 200lbs?
the apartment looks like shit, if i go into labour now we wont have a clean space to try to relax in once we get home. ffs. X(
Also he took the baby fed him pumped milk so I could take a 3 hr nap yesterday after church. Score.