See now, when did this become about me "keeping a tally on spending?" What I said is if you think it's tacky, why are you going, and then talking badly about that person. Yes, I guess I am taking it a bit personally, because of a bad situation with a certain family members, who I choose not to see anymore. But the point I was trying to get across to the OP is that the people that love her, will come and HOPEFULLY not be as judgmental as you seem to be. Regardless of my feelings on taking it personally, she was looking for some validation to host her own party, and I am saying go for it, I am at least one person out there that doesn't judge her for it. And my family, they are truly toxic, rude, s***talking, what's in it for me types of people, who didn't even give me a congrats on my pregnancy. Yet at christmas time, they act like we are one big happy, and it's sickening.
I tacked on the tally on spending because you seemed to take a lot of offense that I had the gall to choose to spend less on a gift if someone threw their own gift giving event.
It's not like I put a note in it that says "I'd have dropped 50 bucks if you weren't' tacky instead" on it. And it's not like I'm the only person out there who changes how much I give or whether I give if someone hosts their own shower.
Look, I'm sorry your family is toxic, but if they're that bad, cut them out of your life and do whatever you need to get over it instead of pouncing on people for commenting about family in general.
LOL see, now you are judging me for one thing, not knowing the entire story. Cool. When I have a 2 and 3 year old running around my aunts house and I am being screamed at for my kids being kids, no, dishes are NOT on my list of things I give a crap about.
I've managed to host Christmas for 16 and have a 2 year old and her cousins around... You make it sound like rocket science to say "hey, do you need any help clearing the table?" If they want you to focus on corralling the kids, they'll decline. But to not offer at all IS tacky and rude, and I'm just saying it speaks to whether one should take your advice on what's good manners.
Yeah my bad I thought it was the same lady running her mouth the whole time. New here and obviously I do not know how or who to quote lol but I stand firm do everything I said. Don't get knocked up hoping that Everyone wants to celebrate your awesomeness and buy you shit !!
Just speaking personally as an invite recipient, I get very offended when someone 1) hosts their own shower - you are throwing a party asking people to bring you gifts 2) has a shower beyond baby #1 - you get a shower for the first baby to shower you into motherhood and generously supply you with the items you need. If you didn't keep them then oops and if your baby is a different sex then lucky you but that doesn't mean more gifts 3) when I am told what to get - I am a firm believer in shopping off a registry, but don't tell me to bring a target gift card for your second baby so you can get a double-stroller, that's not fun that's just me handing you cash
Just because I don't offer to do dishes at my jerk families house, doesn't mean I am rude. Literally the only reason I attended parties there was to see 1 or 2 cousins, and since they moved out of state, I haven't been back since 2013. My bad, should remember not to tell one tidbit of my story and not be misunderstood.
Just because I don't offer to do dishes at my jerk families house, doesn't mean I am rude. Literally the only reason I attended parties there was to see 1 or 2 cousins, and since they moved out of state, I haven't been back since 2013. My bad, should remember not to tell one tidbit of my story and not be misunderstood.
Ummmm, going to dinner at someone's house and not offering to help clean up actually is exactly that. Rude. I literally would NEVER go to any event at anyone's house and not at least offer to clear the table or carry something to kitchen. So again, to all looking at whether it's tacky to throw own shower or not, I'm just saying consider the source of the opinions given here.
Ok. Well that's what this board is all about, difference of opinions. I have attended a 4th child shower, I have attended showers hosted by a mother. According to most, if you don't have a "bestie" with no personal stake in getting free stuff, you are just out a party altogether, and where I am from, I think that's wrong. While I don't have a friend that would be willing to host me a shower, I have tons that would attend it, no matter who it was hosted by. Why does this make my opinion less than yours? I guess I am just confused at how the world works. Circle back to, if you think it's tacky don't attend. The same I can say for my aunt, who really never wants me at their parties, so why invite me in the first place? And @peony1982, are you really saying to me that you have offered at every single party you have gone to, to clean up?
Ok. Well that's what this board is all about, difference of opinions. I have attended a 4th child shower, I have attended showers hosted by a mother. According to most, if you don't have a "bestie" with no personal stake in getting free stuff, you are just out a party altogether, and where I am from, I think that's wrong. While I don't have a friend that would be willing to host me a shower, I have tons that would attend it, no matter who it was hosted by. Why does this make my opinion less than yours? I guess I am just confused at how the world works. Circle back to, if you think it's tacky don't attend. The same I can say for my aunt, who really never wants me at their parties, so why invite me in the first place? And @peony1982, are you really saying to me that you have offered at every single party you have gone to, to clean up?
Yes. Absolutely. Every single one. Because my mother taught me manners. ETA: you changed from dinner to party. Maybe not an ongoing cocktail party where I'm leaving in the middle. But when a meal is served or I'm there when the party wraps up, 100%
My sister-in-law is having her third girl in four years and she's having a baby shower and everything on her registry is 70 or $80 and above ... Ah hello...where is all the crap you got from the last two girls go? I am going to use my pregnancy to bow out and send her a box of chocolates to shove in her fat, selfish, pie hole! Can you feel the love? LMAO
Just a thought...if you have no friends close enough to throw you a shower, then who on earth are you inviting to the shower?
I was literally on my way down here to ask this very same question. If you have almost no friends and very little family, who the heck is attending this all-important shower??
Just a thought...if you have no friends close enough to throw you a shower, then who on earth are you inviting to the shower?
I was literally on my way down here to ask this very same question. If you have almost no friends and very little family, who the heck is attending this all-important shower??
This. I don't understand the mentality of "I have tons of friends who will come, but none who will host" i feel like anyone who is invited to a shower for you should be pretty damn close. I am going to a baby shower this weekend for the friend who hosted mine with my first. I offered to help host hers, but she already had 3 people who were in on it, so I backed off. But seriously, if you have that many friends, but not a single one who would offer it for you, they aren't friends.
Yes. Absolutely. Every single one. Because my mother taught me manners. ETA: you changed from dinner to party. Maybe not an ongoing cocktail party where I'm leaving in the middle. But when a meal is served or I'm there when the party wraps up, 100%
Pretty sure in my very first post, I said it was for 30 people. So sorry for the implication you would get it was a dinner party. And I also said it was Christmas. Also said there were 10 others who jumped right on dishes. I am still not seeing why it's not ok to watch my kids over do dishes?
Two years ago I was asked by a coworker/casual friend, point-blank, in front of mutual friends, if I would throw her a shower.
Not a single member of her family offered to much as $1 for decor or even to come early to help set up. MY friends felt bad for me/mortified by her behavior, and helped. I still spent over $800 of my own money and didn't get so much as a thank you card from her.
I think she asked me because she knew I would never say no to a direct request, because that's an almost unbearably awkward situation. I've hosted several baby showers and bridal showers and I love to celebrate with my friends. But for goodness sake, it's NEVER ok to ask someone to throw you a shower.
@BrooklynBroussard thanks! It's good to be back I dropped off a bit from O15 this month because we moved 2 weeks ago and it's been chaos. I also increased my hours at work and decided to adopt a puppy (what's wrong with me??!).
I probably should have let this post continue to die out but I can literally still feel the mortification of that baby shower fiasco I mentioned and thought it might spare a couple Bumpies' friends some similar awkwardness (wishful thinking?).
Anyway, to help with the tenseness of this thread, here's a pic of my new fur baby:
Two years ago I was asked by a coworker/casual friend, point-blank, in front of mutual friends, if I would throw her a shower.
Not a single member of her family offered to much as $1 for decor or even to come early to help set up. MY friends felt bad for me/mortified by her behavior, and helped. I still spent over $800 of my own money and didn't get so much as a thank you card from her.
I think she asked me because she knew I would never say no to a direct request, because that's an almost unbearably awkward situation. I've hosted several baby showers and bridal showers and I love to celebrate with my friends. But for goodness sake, it's NEVER ok to ask someone to throw you a shower.
Oh...my...gosh.... I feel so bad for you!! How incredibly tacky and awkward...and expensive. :P
@BrooklynBroussard thanks! It's good to be back I dropped off a bit from O15 this month because we moved 2 weeks ago and it's been chaos. I also increased my hours at work and decided to adopt a puppy (what's wrong with me??!).
I probably should have let this post continue to die out but I can literally still feel the mortification of that baby shower fiasco I mentioned and thought it might spare a couple Bumpies' friends some similar awkwardness (wishful thinking?).
Anyway, to help with the tenseness of this thread, here's a pic of my new fur baby:
Cute puppy! I don't think OP was in the running of asking someone to host. What happened to you is awkward and strange, and I am sorry that you had to do that.
Yes. Absolutely. Every single one. Because my mother taught me manners. ETA: you changed from dinner to party. Maybe not an ongoing cocktail party where I'm leaving in the middle. But when a meal is served or I'm there when the party wraps up, 100%
Pretty sure in my very first post, I said it was for 30 people. So sorry for the implication you would get it was a dinner party. And I also said it was Christmas. Also said there were 10 others who jumped right on dishes. I am still not seeing why it's not ok to watch my kids over do dishes?
Listen, whatever, but if your own family has made comments to your face about your inability to help out, I don't think I'M the one reading the situation incorrectly. You made it clear that you think it's odd to offer help cleaning up after a party. Point taken. I was raised differently. You asked a question about what I do as a guest. I answered it.
Who gives a shit what the "etiquette" is. Everyone has different opinions, don't judge someone based on their opinion or what they do because it's simply none of your business. With that being said...
My best friend offered to help throw a shower for me. My MIL asked who was going to plan a shower for me (it was still pretty early in my pregnancy so I hadn't thought about it). I assumed my mom would, I asked her to do one for me. I will not be expecting them to pay for everything so I will help chip in. Their names will be on the host line, if there even is one on the invites...
Yes, it's a little early to be worrying about it. BUT not too early to start thinking about it. I understand, though, why you would be a little worried. If no one offers to do it, just ask someone close to you (mom, sister, BFF) to help you plan one. I don't see the issue in that.
Apparently, women have strong opinions on how you should go about planning your shower. Just take the advice with a grain of salt and do what works out best for you.
I don't think it would be weird for your husband to ask your friends if one of them would mind throwing a shower if he knows them. It's possible they all are just assuming your family is throwing one.
Yes, it'd be very rude to ask someone... However, why not throw your own, some ppl have a problem with that, but I see nothing wrong with it. Waiting on someone to offer, sounds like you'll be without one.
Yes. Absolutely. Every single one. Because my mother taught me manners. ETA: you changed from dinner to party. Maybe not an ongoing cocktail party where I'm leaving in the middle. But when a meal is served or I'm there when the party wraps up, 100%
Pretty sure in my very first post, I said it was for 30 people. So sorry for the implication you would get it was a dinner party. And I also said it was Christmas. Also said there were 10 others who jumped right on dishes. I am still not seeing why it's not ok to watch my kids over do dishes?
Listen, whatever, but if your own family has made comments to your face about your inability to help out, I don't think I'M the one reading the situation incorrectly. You made it clear that you think it's odd to offer help cleaning up after a party. Point taken. I was raised differently. You asked a question about what I do as a guest. I answered it.
@peony1982 Eh...Now I didn't say "clean up". In that, I mean take my dish to the sink, and my kids, my husband, whoever may be sitting next to me. I am talking about hand washing dishes for 30 guests, and cleaning all the pots and pans and crap they used to cook with! She didn't say anything to my face, it was over the phone when I told her that I wasn't planning to come to Christmas last year. My family drinks, A LOT at Christmas. 2 years ago, it was literally a group of my cousins on one side of the room drinking, and the ones with small children on the other side. I told her we felt excluded, plus I just really don't like my kids being around so much alcohol. And that's when she told me people give me the cold shoulder because I don't do dishes. I didn't mean to hijack this thread or whatever with a long drawn out story, but I just feel the need to explain a little more into detail.
800 bucks??? Omg girl, heard of the dollar store and Pinterest lol decorations are tore down after a few hours and you can make some really great stuff yourself on Pinterest!! That's insane you are like the best friend EVER!!
@caffeinatedkat haha, I think she just knew I REALLY like to plan parties. Once I agreed to do it, it was all systems GO! In fact I think Pinterest probably made it a bit worse for my 'budget.'
Girl I say do what you want and forget about all that traditional bs. I am having two baby showers and most of the ppl on here are going to repost this shit and flip it around not knowing reasoning behind this. But it ain't non of they business. Best believe if I wasn't offered one I would plan my own and do it how I want.
22 weeks is still pretty early. Showers are pretty easy to plan, not like weddings. Or it could be that your shower will be a surprise.
@J1D no one is "supposed" to offer you a shower. Regardless of their relation to you.
@kirsty100 showers are a gift. It's rude to throw a party in your own honor expecting gifts.
Thanks for that. Glad you could clarify that for me. Guess I'll just be the tacky rude person who asks her family and friends to celebrate the most exciting event in my life so far. I don't give a fuck if anyone brings me presents but I don't think it's wrong for me or anyone else to want to celebrate. And this whole it's rude to ask, it's rude to throw it yourself, it's rude to do anything but hope maybe some one will notice that you really want to celebrate the fact that you are finally having a child- is bullshit! Because according to those standards if I'm not popular enough or don't have family that like to throw parties, I'm shit out of luck. I have no problem paying for my own fucking party and buying every single thing my baby requires myself but I REALLY have a problem with people telling me I shouldn't want or expect a baby shower. Anyone who knows me, even a little, knows what a big deal this is for me. So you know what? If it makes me a selfish person to "expect" my closest friends and family to want to celebrate my first child in some way, so be it.
THANK YOU!!! I COULDNT HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF! IM SO SICK & TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT THIS SHOWER ETIQUETTES BS I CAN SSSCCCRRREEEAAAMMM!!!!
I have a question for @FrozenMommy. Was this a potluck dinner party or did someone spend money to feed you & your children?
LOL a potluck, Christmas party. Although most of the time, this aunt and uncle like to be in control and plan a specific menu and get mad if you offer to bring something that doesn't fit in the theme. They also got mad once because my husband and brother in law wanted to get garlic bread from the big table, but a cousin of mine had gotten 5 pieces for herself, and they assumed it was for our whole table. They went breadless, and there were 2 ziplocs full after. I'm just saying, please stop getting on my case, they are not nice people.
Enough with the page long dinner party story please!! Don't mean to be rude but can we get back to the actual reason for the post here? Curious ppls opinions but have to scroll through this long story every time.
Bottom line- most ppl think it's tacky to throw your own, some ppl think it's ok to ask a mom or sister or have hubby hint to throw a shower, and some think too bad you just don't get one. I think most agree if it isn't your First kid you def shouldn't be asking. Let us know what you end up doing!!
It was not my idea or my husband's idea to have the party. I had never heard of it before. A neighbor planned it, invited our mutual friends, suggested bringing diapers,and everyone thought it was fun and liked the idea of doing that instead of a couples shower. Because of this party, we canceled a baby shower because I felt like we don't need the guys to buy diapers and then the wives/ gf to buy gifts for a shower.
Sometimes I feel like the new trend to do gender reveal parties is just a way to sneak in some extra presents as well lol just saying.mmore enjoyable than a baby shower though in my opinion. Cut the damn cake pink? Awesome let's eat the damn cake lol
Your poor baby...grow up and act like a mom. This is ridiculous.
This made me laugh... at you for actually posting this. I hope you keep your hormones in check and never have a moment that you're feeling down about something. Grow up and have some empathy, regardless if you feel it's ridiculous or not.
Maybe I should just let this thread die out, but it keeps going, so . . . Here's what I don't understand. Why do people seem to think you absolutely HAVE to have a baby shower?
Oh of course it feels lovely to have people gather around to shower you with gifts and celebrate your new baby. Who doesn't want to feel special?
But what if you have no close friends in the area or no one to offer to throw your shower? You don't get one! That doesn't make your baby's arrival any less important, it just means you're not having a party. No big deal.
As I mentioned before, feeling left out because you didn't get a shower, or you got a little family-only gathering rather than a big party with lots of friends is a valid emotion. But it's just an emotion. A baby shower isn't a requirement to become a mother.
To all the mothers who don't think it is tacky to throw their own shower. Would you plan a birthday party for yourself and register for presents for people to buy you?
Maybe I should just let this thread die out, but it keeps going, so . . . Here's what I don't understand. Why do people seem to think you absolutely HAVE to have a baby shower?
Oh of course it feels lovely to have people gather around to shower you with gifts and celebrate your new baby. Who doesn't want to feel special?
But what if you have no close friends in the area or no one to offer to throw your shower? You don't get one! That doesn't make your baby's arrival any less important, it just means you're not having a party. No big deal.
As I mentioned before, feeling left out because you didn't get a shower, or you got a little family-only gathering rather than a big party with lots of friends is a valid emotion. But it's just an emotion. A baby shower isn't a requirement to become a mother.
To all the mothers who don't think it is tacky to throw their own shower. Would you plan a birthday party for yourself and register for presents for people to buy you?
I wonder the same thing. I feel weird about throwing my own birthday party anyway, with our without gifts. I'm not even sure what the etiquette is concerning birthday parties but the whole idea of sending out invites to say "come celebrate me!" seems off to me.
Re: Nobody has offered to throw a shower
I've managed to host Christmas for 16 and have a 2 year old and her cousins around... You make it sound like rocket science to say "hey, do you need any help clearing the table?" If they want you to focus on corralling the kids, they'll decline. But to not offer at all IS tacky and rude, and I'm just saying it speaks to whether one should take your advice on what's good manners.
1) hosts their own shower - you are throwing a party asking people to bring you gifts
2) has a shower beyond baby #1 - you get a shower for the first baby to shower you into motherhood and generously supply you with the items you need. If you didn't keep them then oops and if your baby is a different sex then lucky you but that doesn't mean more gifts
3) when I am told what to get - I am a firm believer in shopping off a registry, but don't tell me to bring a target gift card for your second baby so you can get a double-stroller, that's not fun that's just me handing you cash
Ummmm, going to dinner at someone's house and not offering to help clean up actually is exactly that. Rude. I literally would NEVER go to any event at anyone's house and not at least offer to clear the table or carry something to kitchen. So again, to all looking at whether it's tacky to throw own shower or not, I'm just saying consider the source of the opinions given here.
Yes. Absolutely. Every single one. Because my mother taught me manners. ETA: you changed from dinner to party. Maybe not an ongoing cocktail party where I'm leaving in the middle. But when a meal is served or I'm there when the party wraps up, 100%
Not a single member of her family offered to much as $1 for decor or even to come early to help set up. MY friends felt bad for me/mortified by her behavior, and helped. I still spent over $800 of my own money and didn't get so much as a thank you card from her.
I think she asked me because she knew I would never say no to a direct request, because that's an almost unbearably awkward situation. I've hosted several baby showers and bridal showers and I love to celebrate with my friends. But for goodness sake, it's NEVER ok to ask someone to throw you a shower.
I probably should have let this post continue to die out but I can literally still feel the mortification of that baby shower fiasco I mentioned and thought it might spare a couple Bumpies' friends some similar awkwardness (wishful thinking?).
Anyway, to help with the tenseness of this thread, here's a pic of my new fur baby:
Listen, whatever, but if your own family has made comments to your face about your inability to help out, I don't think I'M the one reading the situation incorrectly. You made it clear that you think it's odd to offer help cleaning up after a party. Point taken. I was raised differently. You asked a question about what I do as a guest. I answered it.
My best friend offered to help throw a shower for me. My MIL asked who was going to plan a shower for me (it was still pretty early in my pregnancy so I hadn't thought about it). I assumed my mom would, I asked her to do one for me. I will not be expecting them to pay for everything so I will help chip in. Their names will be on the host line, if there even is one on the invites...
Yes, it's a little early to be worrying about it. BUT not too early to start thinking about it. I understand, though, why you would be a little worried. If no one offers to do it, just ask someone close to you (mom, sister, BFF) to help you plan one. I don't see the issue in that.
Apparently, women have strong opinions on how you should go about planning your shower. Just take the advice with a grain of salt and do what works out best for you.
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
DD: 10/17/13
TTC#2 Actively: 10/14, NTNP: 01/14
Left-Sided Hydrosalpinx (cause: genetic abnormality, TREATED 11/16)
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/396b04
Bottom line- most ppl think it's tacky to throw your own, some ppl think it's ok to ask a mom or sister or have hubby hint to throw a shower, and some think too bad you just don't get one. I think most agree if it isn't your First kid you def shouldn't be asking. Let us know what you end up doing!!
Oh of course it feels lovely to have people gather around to shower you with gifts and celebrate your new baby. Who doesn't want to feel special?
But what if you have no close friends in the area or no one to offer to throw your shower? You don't get one! That doesn't make your baby's arrival any less important, it just means you're not having a party. No big deal.
As I mentioned before, feeling left out because you didn't get a shower, or you got a little family-only gathering rather than a big party with lots of friends is a valid emotion. But it's just an emotion. A baby shower isn't a requirement to become a mother.