hrmm...what an interesting thread! lol... to the OP -- could it be that perhaps someone will be surprising you with a shower? Is this your first kid? Maybe if its your second onward people don't think you should need a baby shower (though I don't agree, I think you should have one for all babies!)
Have you talked to your mom at all about it? Yes, it's considered a faux pas to throw your own but why not mention it to your mom or best friend if you have them? Kind of like, hey...I just realized the baby is due in 4 months! What are we doing to do about a baby shower? If not, then I would suggest throwing a meet & greet party after the baby is born for your family and friends. People will get a chance to see the baby and there's no doubt they will bring you stuff you need. Also, maybe start a registry and if anyone asks if you need anything say..see my registry! Good luck!
In all seriousness, my husband's friend sent us a wedding shower invite about 4 years ago and this dumbass registered at Tiffanys and William Sonoma. That's it. Here's your Target gift card ya bitch.
Alright @BrooklynBroussard I'll try to come up with some other great Shower Etiquette questions for next week. Some possible future topics....
Is it ok for me to not open my gifts at the shower in front of everyone?
Can I just request that people give me cash?
Can I assign certain people to get me certain gifts? I want to make sure I don't get double of anything.
I'm open to suggestions.....
Don't forget having guests address their own thank you envelopes. Always a winner.
This was JUST a topic on S15, and apparently it's totes ok.
That seems very tacky!! "Like hey I had time to send you and invite but now that you came I don't have time to address you a thank you note! Yikes i think that would leave the end of shower on a sour note IMO!
Alright @BrooklynBroussard I'll try to come up with some other great Shower Etiquette questions for next week. Some possible future topics....
Is it ok for me to not open my gifts at the shower in front of everyone?
Can I just request that people give me cash?
Can I assign certain people to get me certain gifts? I want to make sure I don't get double of anything.
I'm open to suggestions.....
I can't believe I'm saying this at the risk of exploding things again but I have to admit I would LOVE for someone to find an appropriate way to do away with the gift opening. I loathe it both as the person the shower is for AND as a guest. It's terrible and boring and awkward! It is one of the primary reasons I didn't want a shower at all!
Alright @BrooklynBroussard I'll try to come up with some other great Shower Etiquette questions for next week. Some possible future topics....
Is it ok for me to not open my gifts at the shower in front of everyone?
Can I just request that people give me cash?
Can I assign certain people to get me certain gifts? I want to make sure I don't get double of anything.
I'm open to suggestions.....
I can't believe I'm saying this at the risk of exploding things again but I have to admit I would LOVE for someone to find an appropriate way to do away with the gift opening. I loathe it both as the person the shower is for AND as a guest. It's terrible and boring and awkward! It is one of the primary reasons I didn't want a shower at all!
My sister's shower was a "display" shower, so the hosts asked the guests to bring the gifts unwrapped and they set them up on a table or something. That way anyone who wanted to admire the cute baby stuff could and there wasn't any "opening gifts" time.
Personally I enjoy WRAPPING gifts as much as I enjoy shopping, so I don't love this idea, but many others did.
@mamaowl15, that's an interesting idea. I have never heard of a display shower. Half the people end up just shoving their gift in a bag anyway, so why not save the 8 bucks. I love it! I do really enjoy wrapping gifts, but there are other creative ways. I know most hate the dreaded diaper cake, but I made a diaper buggy for my friend, and it was made of bibs, blankets and wash cloths, and I dressed a baby doll in onesie and a hat. Everything was on display and nothing to open. Also made cute onesie cupcakes. Thanks for the idea!
A display shower sounds awful & kind of rude. I don't mind watching people open gifts, it's very sweet to see all the gifts & the guest of honor's facial expressions.
I think the only place it is inappropriate to open gifts in front of guests is at your actual wedding reception. Otherwise, a shower/birthday it is expected.
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I think if you explain it the "green" route, people wouldn't mind. Seriously though, when buying a gift for a 7 year old boy last week, my kids said let's get a card. And an Avengers bag. Um, 7 bucks for bag, 5 bucks for card. NO! I would rather get him another shirt for that price. I wrapped it in a box I had and paper I had, and printed out a cool card at home.
Green means reusing what you have, not necessarily refraining from purchasing something new. I agree, the price of bags & cards are astronomical. But that's why I reuse bags or buy dollar store wrapping paper. The dollar store is the shiz. It's always funny IMO to get a Christmas bag at a baby shower, gives everyone a good chuckle.
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@mamaowl15, that's an interesting idea. I have never heard of a display shower. Half the people end up just shoving their gift in a bag anyway, so why not save the 8 bucks. I love it! I do really enjoy wrapping gifts, but there are other creative ways. I know most hate the dreaded diaper cake, but I made a diaper buggy for my friend, and it was made of bibs, blankets and wash cloths, and I dressed a baby doll in onesie and a hat. Everything was on display and nothing to open. Also made cute onesie cupcakes. Thanks for the idea!
I love onesie cupcakes. That's what o did for my sister's shower (haven't been to one since!).
A display shower sounds awful & kind of rude. I don't mind watching people open gifts, it's very sweet to see all the gifts & the guest of honor's facial expressions.
I think the only place it is inappropriate to open gifts in front of guests is at your actual wedding reception. Otherwise, a shower/birthday it is expected.
Yeah I don't really love the idea either. I mentioned that my sister did it because it's a way to bypass the whole gift-opening part of the shower. Personally, I hate being the one sitting there opening gifts while everyone watches me (even on Christmas!), but I like to see the reaction of the receiver when she opens my gift.
@mamaowl15, that's an interesting idea. I have never heard of a display shower. Half the people end up just shoving their gift in a bag anyway, so why not save the 8 bucks. I love it! I do really enjoy wrapping gifts, but there are other creative ways. I know most hate the dreaded diaper cake, but I made a diaper buggy for my friend, and it was made of bibs, blankets and wash cloths, and I dressed a baby doll in onesie and a hat. Everything was on display and nothing to open. Also made cute onesie cupcakes. Thanks for the idea!
I didn't know people hated diaper cakes so much, not that I've ever made one. My only issue would be that the diapers want to stay curled up after you dismantle the cake, which makes storage a pain. I inherited diapers left over from a diaper cake from a friend whose daughter is about a year older than my son, but I wasn't about to complain! Free diapers? Sure I'll take 'em. Even if it means unrolling every last one . . .
I dunno, I have been to 2 birthday parties now where the gifts are just taken home and opened later. I think depending on the amount of guests, it would cut down on a lot of social time.
I didn't know people hated diaper cakes so much, not that I've ever made one. My only issue would be that the diapers want to stay curled up after you dismantle the cake, which makes storage a pain. I inherited diapers left over from a diaper cake from a friend whose daughter is about a year older than my son, but I wasn't about to complain! Free diapers? Sure I'll take 'em. Even if it means unrolling every last one . . .
Oh, yes. I asked for advice on making one, and I got flamed!!! lol. So I found the buggie, which you don't roll them so tight, more of a curve for the wheels, and the base was just a stack of them. It turned out really cute. I would post a pic, but I think it's on my old hard drive.
I live in the UK and the whole baby shower thing is perceived by the older generation as "tacky" it's not something that has been done over here for a long time and it's definitely not a tradition, it's a personal preference. Here it is seen as rude to have a registry. That being said about 50% of my friends with children have had showers, nobody knows who has organised them because nobody minds who has enough to ever ask. Sometimes a friend offers to host it but rarely a parent or older member of the family because like I said they perceive the whole thing as tacky. When a friend hosts it they definitely do not take on all of the financial responsibility, just the stress from the mum to be of organising one herself. Most people here have a shower at a restaurant where guests split the bill and the host will pay for the decorations and maybe the cake, but nobody would ever argue paying for their own meal or even question why because it's the same as any other meal out with friends just with an amazing purpose. Not everybody brings gifts, nobody questions why, maybe they are short of money, maybe they want to get something when the baby's born maybe they just haven't seen anything they like or didn't know what to get. It's a persons choice here whether they have one or not, because like i said some people agree with them and others don't. I would personally like one, I will be on Mat leave for 12 months so it's a nice chance for work friends to get together, my family and my close friends. My friend has offered to have a bbq at her house and I kindly accepted. I will pay for all of the food and drinks and she will sort the decorations and invites etc. I personally see no problem in having involvement in your own shower or in throwing your own. It's a time to celebrate. Whatever makes you happy and whatever makes you feel comfortable. I hope that you get to have a shower no matter who pays/hosts/attends
One of my showers is actually a display shower, and it was the hostesses' suggestion. Their pov is that they would rather throw a party where everyone had fun and enjoyed spending time together, rather than spending more than half the time watching me open gifts. I'm a pretty introverted person, so I happily agreed! Since the invitations have gone out, the only people that have questioned it is a few older family members, but when I explained they agreed they thought it was a good idea. No one seems to be offended or think it is rude whatsoever.
@MamaOwl15 I actually like that and will definitely pass it on. I think it's become kind of painful. I also enjoy seeing the person open my gift but l'd happily pass on that to avoid having to watch them open 30 other gifts! I also like wrapping but hey there's always birthdays and Christmas!
I think though that if public opening and thanking got you out of thank you cards i'd be on board! Sometimes these things seem like wolves in sheep's clothing. Theoretically a nice thing your friends want to do to celebrate you and your baby but actually a giant event for judging every decision you make and how appropriately you respond. Exhausting!
Totally, kind of off topic about opening gifts but I had a friend who invited her wedding party to come over the day after their wedding to watch them open gifts. Granted they did a brunch too for everyone but I was like uh, yeah, this is awkward. I also hate opening gifts in front of people. I feel super awkward.
I am planning my own shower and don't feel rude or tacky whatsoever. I really don't understand what all the fuss is about and why people are getting so heated. Each person should make a decision based on what they think/feel. If guests think it's tacky and don't want to participate, no one is forcing them and I won't be offended....
A display shower normally means you wrap gift so you can still see it IE gift basket with cellophane, clear wrapping paper etc. I have never heard of completely unwrapped. That is very strange. Just to bring in your unwrapped gift and set it on a table with no effort. That almost seems more gift grabby. A clear display shower I kind of like idea bc I hate opening gifts in front on people. But really just depends on what host decides. They are throwing the party and sending the info/invites.
When my kids are young like under 5 we take the presents home. They can not understand the concept and they won't enjoy the things they got if you are shoving more presents in there face. Same with Christmas.they open one or two things then go play and come back through out the day and open more.
The host of my shower told me she planned on not including gift-opening. I told her that she should plan what she wants but that I know most of my guests will want to see me open gifts. I don't mind opening gifts in front of everyone. I love watching people open the gifts I give them - I put a lot of effort and thought into choosing a gift, wrapping it, and signing the card. I love seeing people light up
I think it depends. My best friend is basically my sister and lives out of state - I asked her is she would mind throwing mine since we are so close and that's who I'd like to do it
1. It's rude to give instructions to your guests on how to present a gift, put stipulations on gifts, etc., gifts shouldn't even be mentioned on an invitation.
2. Since a shower is a gift giving event. It's truly the sole purpose (to shower the MTB with gifts to care for her baby) it's expected that gifts will be opened.
1. It's rude to give instructions to your guests on how to present a gift, put stipulations on gifts, etc., gifts shouldn't even be mentioned on an invitation.
2. Since a shower is a gift giving event. It's truly the sole purpose (to shower the MTB with gifts to care for her baby) it's expected that gifts will be opened.
So...real question not trying to be inflammatory, what happens when the mom really doesn't want to be doing this but everyone is pressuring her into having a shower? Because to me it has felt more like my F&F will be offended either way (not having a shower and not opening gifts). Like they want a celebration and if I don't want one then I'm ruining their good time or whatever. Very grateful to my hosts though who are taking on a real task (which I also feel kind of bad about since I'm lukewarm on the whole thing).
This is my problem with all these etiquette rules, they feel antiquated and for another time. It feels more engineered to make the guests feel good about giving you stuff then an actual celebration of the baby (or bride) (along with the ad nauseum thanking in person, when they leave, in a note, taking a picture of the baby using it later). I was always taught that a gift is a gift I give with no strings or expectations attached but at these events someone showing up with a dollar onesie needs to be fawned over so they can see me 'light up.' Is also weirdly competitive.
My friends are throwing my shower and I've told them they have full control. I will take care of the guest list, party favors and thank you notes. They're smart and polite women. I'm sure they'll commit few, if any, of these party fouls.
1. It's rude to give instructions to your guests on how to present a gift, put stipulations on gifts, etc., gifts shouldn't even be mentioned on an invitation.
2. Since a shower is a gift giving event. It's truly the sole purpose (to shower the MTB with gifts to care for her baby) it's expected that gifts will be opened.
So...real question not trying to be inflammatory, what happens when the mom really doesn't want to be doing this but everyone is pressuring her into having a shower? Because to me it has felt more like my F&F will be offended either way (not having a shower and not opening gifts). Like they want a celebration and if I don't want one then I'm ruining their good time or whatever. Very grateful to my hosts though who are taking on a real task (which I also feel kind of bad about since I'm lukewarm on the whole thing).
This is my problem with all these etiquette rules, they feel antiquated and for another time. It feels more engineered to make the guests feel good about giving you stuff then an actual celebration of the baby (or bride) (along with the ad nauseum thanking in person, when they leave, in a note, taking a picture of the baby using it later). I was always taught that a gift is a gift I give with no strings or expectations attached but at these events someone showing up with a dollar onesie needs to be fawned over so they can see me 'light up.' Is also weirdly competitive.
So. Not to be mean, but learn to say no. No is not a 4 letter word. I love showers, and would gladly throw one for a friend, but if my my friend isn't comfortable with it, I listen to my friend. Your friends and family will get over it.
Showers are specfically about the "showering" the first time mom to be with gifts. It is to help welcome you to mother hood. It is not centered on the baby. Sip n See's (basically a meet and greet) once you are comfortable with guests around baby are for celebrating the baby, because the baby is actually there.
Opening gifts in front of people once you're past the age of 10 is awkward. It just is. But if you think thanking people for their gifts is exhausting, you really should just decline the shower. It shouldn't be that taxing to thank someone in person and then write a thank you note. Yeah, thank you notes can slip your mind, and distractions happen (The picture thing, eeeeh, that's not needed and I'd only do that for someone I was super close to. I certainly wouldn't plan it for everyone.) I was also taught to give gifts without strings, alongside showing gratitude for others generosity.
I hope you are able to enjoy your shower and have fun. Good luck.
The best part about a baby shower is the food. Let's all get together throw a huge baby shower and eat all the food together. Sounds good to me. @CEB37@BrooklynBroussard@csy2947
Re: Nobody has offered to throw a shower
This was JUST a topic on S15, and apparently it's totes ok.
That seems very tacky!! "Like hey I had time to send you and invite but now that you came I don't have time to address you a thank you note! Yikes i think that would leave the end of shower on a sour note IMO!
Personally I enjoy WRAPPING gifts as much as I enjoy shopping, so I don't love this idea, but many others did.
I think the only place it is inappropriate to open gifts in front of guests is at your actual wedding reception. Otherwise, a shower/birthday it is expected.
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
DD: 10/17/13
TTC#2 Actively: 10/14, NTNP: 01/14
Left-Sided Hydrosalpinx (cause: genetic abnormality, TREATED 11/16)
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/396b04
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
DD: 10/17/13
TTC#2 Actively: 10/14, NTNP: 01/14
Left-Sided Hydrosalpinx (cause: genetic abnormality, TREATED 11/16)
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/396b04
I didn't know people hated diaper cakes so much, not that I've ever made one. My only issue would be that the diapers want to stay curled up after you dismantle the cake, which makes storage a pain. I inherited diapers left over from a diaper cake from a friend whose daughter is about a year older than my son, but I wasn't about to complain! Free diapers? Sure I'll take 'em. Even if it means unrolling every last one . . .
I think though that if public opening and thanking got you out of thank you cards i'd be on board! Sometimes these things seem like wolves in sheep's clothing. Theoretically a nice thing your friends want to do to celebrate you and your baby but actually a giant event for judging every decision you make and how appropriately you respond. Exhausting!
2. Since a shower is a gift giving event. It's truly the sole purpose (to shower the MTB with gifts to care for her baby) it's expected that gifts will be opened.
This is my problem with all these etiquette rules, they feel antiquated and for another time. It feels more engineered to make the guests feel good about giving you stuff then an actual celebration of the baby (or bride) (along with the ad nauseum thanking in person, when they leave, in a note, taking a picture of the baby using it later). I was always taught that a gift is a gift I give with no strings or expectations attached but at these events someone showing up with a dollar onesie needs to be fawned over so they can see me 'light up.' Is also weirdly competitive.