Why not just do it yourself . I don't see the point in waiting for someone to step up to the plate when you obv want one ! I didn't give anyone the chance to and just started planning it on my own and then ppl started saying oh I'll plan it you're not supposed to . Idc thou I have a specific vision for how I want mine to look and what will be served . I say just do it yourself and who ever wants to help they can ! It's not that serious .
So someone offered you the gift of a shower and you declined because they wouldn't make it exactly how you wanted? Is that how I'm reading this?
this is a bad topic. The baby shower etiquette Nazis will destroy you. I say do whatever the heck you want and don't tell the BUMP about it because it's not going to be pretty! Good luck & enjoy.
So people who care about etiquette are comparable to those who committed genocide?
22 weeks is still pretty early. Showers are pretty easy to plan, not like weddings. Or it could be that your shower will be a surprise.
@J1D no one is "supposed" to offer you a shower. Regardless of their relation to you.
@kirsty100 showers are a gift. It's rude to throw a party in your own honor expecting gifts.
Thanks for that. Glad you could clarify that for me. Guess I'll just be the tacky rude person who asks her family and friends to celebrate the most exciting event in my life so far. I don't give a fuck if anyone brings me presents but I don't think it's wrong for me or anyone else to want to celebrate. And this whole it's rude to ask, it's rude to throw it yourself, it's rude to do anything but hope maybe some one will notice that you really want to celebrate the fact that you are finally having a child- is bullshit! Because according to those standards if I'm not popular enough or don't have family that like to throw parties, I'm shit out of luck. I have no problem paying for my own fucking party and buying every single thing my baby requires myself but I REALLY have a problem with people telling me I shouldn't want or expect a baby shower. Anyone who knows me, even a little, knows what a big deal this is for me. So you know what? If it makes me a selfish person to "expect" my closest friends and family to want to celebrate my first child in some way, so be it.
You sound like a child throwing a tantrum. Not sure what happened between the first post and this one but if this is your attitude in life it is no wonder no one is throwing you one. You asked our opinion and we gave it.
this is a bad topic. The baby shower etiquette Nazis will destroy you. I say do whatever the heck you want and don't tell the BUMP about it because it's not going to be pretty! Good luck & enjoy.
So people who care about etiquette are comparable to those who committed genocide?
Logical argument.
OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!! take however the hell you want it . I'm not going to submit to arguing its a fking expression for fks sake! I'm done.
this is a bad topic. The baby shower etiquette Nazis will destroy you. I say do whatever the heck you want and don't tell the BUMP about it because it's not going to be pretty! Good luck & enjoy.
So people who care about etiquette are comparable to those who committed genocide?
Logical argument.
OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!! take however the hell you want it . I'm not going to submit to arguing its a fking expression for fks sake! I'm done.
this is a bad topic. The baby shower etiquette Nazis will destroy you. I say do whatever the heck you want and don't tell the BUMP about it because it's not going to be pretty! Good luck & enjoy.
So people who care about etiquette are comparable to those who committed genocide?
Logical argument.
OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!! take however the hell you want it . I'm not going to submit to arguing its a fking expression for fks sake! I'm done.
It's an offensive word to throw around. Nazis may not mean anything to you, but to me, and my family, they represent ultimate horror. Tacking the word Nazi onto something silly is demeaning to those who have suffered at their hands.
I understand your frustration and believe that most friends are only good for letting you down.
If u throw your own, try to get a "host" for the invitation. Talk to your mom and sisters perhaps they will be receptive. It's your family...screw etiquette. Maybe they will even end up helping out. No one has to know who planned or paid for that matter or how it came to be. No guest is going to ask who paid for their meal...that'd be rude!
People get so upset about antiquated etiquette and there are ways to get around everything. Anyways, it technically is bad etiquette to have immediate family member host (sister/mother) as well but that rule has been bent a million times over and no one cares. It is common practice now.
Then...Again I think it's more rude to expect someone else to pay for the entire event which can be 100s of dollars not to mention all the work involved and not help out at all with the expense Or work and just show up (the "right" way to go about it)..but that's just me and I don't really give a hoot about what's supposed to be what. Who cares? Celebrate away!! Bbq would be fine or meet and greet too as others have suggested. Personally I like meet and greets for 2nd+ babies if u can get past the germ factor.
People just love to celebrate babies! No one really gives a hoot about etiquette. Talk to your mom and sisters, I'm sure they would be understanding and receptive. Ignore all the bs and do what you want and make it happen. Not one person here is at all affected by your choice or situation. Have fun! This is a great time in your life! Enjoy it!
@Ivyblue92
You have ever right to disagree with my opinions but no right to insult me or my character on a personal level.
What are you talking about? Please quote where @ivyblue92 insulted your character.
ETA: ok, she said you're selfish. It seems that way to me, too. This is a lot of rage with the "fucks" and the "bullshits" for a silly baby shower.
She did, but only after J1D called HERSELF selfish in the last line.
Do you or your husband have any brothers that could throw a "huggies and chuggies" party? A neighbor of ours is having one for my husband- we buy the keg and the guys all bring a box of diapers and hang out! The guys loved having an excuse to all hang out on a Saturday and drink and we benefit from not having to buy diapers! A friend of mine had one and didn't have to buy diapers for the first 11 months! Just another alternative.
You have ever right to disagree with my opinions but no right to insult me or my character on a personal level.
What are you talking about? Please quote where @ivyblue92 insulted your character.
ETA: ok, she said you're selfish. It seems that way to me, too. This is a lot of rage with the "fucks" and the "bullshits" for a silly baby shower.
She did, but only after J1D called HERSELF selfish in the last line. ETA: quote fail---------- I wasn't clear. The "it seems that way to me, too" was about the poster sounding selfish. After I re-read my ETA it didn't sound how I wanted. Whoops! Thanks for the clarification!
I know this isnt the best option and I know I'm about to get some hate for this but I have a coworker that was having this same problem. She solved it by essentially making up that a friend backed out of hosting her baby shower and now she is stressed out. When people asked who she would politely say that she didn't want to name names because she understood why they needed to back out. She then got a bunch of people offering who said they didnt originally offer even though they wanted to because they figured XYZ would do it (mom,sister, friend...) Not saying lying is a great idea or anything but it sure worked for her and it turned out a lot of people juat assumed other people were doing it and thats why they didnt say anything.
Alsooooo just to add. I'm on the team of seeing nothing wrong with hosting your own shower. Or even asking someone to do it. No one but you knows what kind of relationship you have with your friends and family but you. I know i have friends who would be so stoked if i asked them to host. Ive been asked to host an engagement party before. Its 2015, maybe time to let go of crazy judgemental ideals of how we should be doing this thing. I just say do you boo!
I know this isnt the best option and I know I'm about to get some hate for this but I have a coworker that was having this same problem. She solved it by essentially making up that a friend backed out of hosting her baby shower and now she is stressed out. When people asked who she would politely say that she didn't want to name names because she understood why they needed to back out. She then got a bunch of people offering who said they didnt originally offer even though they wanted to because they figured XYZ would do it (mom,sister, friend...) Not saying lying is a great idea or anything but it sure worked for her and it turned out a lot of people juat assumed other people were doing it and thats why they didnt say anything.
I know this isnt the best option and I know I'm about to get some hate for this but I have a coworker that was having this same problem. She solved it by essentially making up that a friend backed out of hosting her baby shower and now she is stressed out. When people asked who she would politely say that she didn't want to name names because she understood why they needed to back out. She then got a bunch of people offering who said they didnt originally offer even though they wanted to because they figured XYZ would do it (mom,sister, friend...) Not saying lying is a great idea or anything but it sure worked for her and it turned out a lot of people juat assumed other people were doing it and thats why they didnt say anything.
I know this isnt the best option and I know I'm about to get some hate for this but I have a coworker that was having this same problem. She solved it by essentially making up that a friend backed out of hosting her baby shower and now she is stressed out. When people asked who she would politely say that she didn't want to name names because she understood why they needed to back out.
She then got a bunch of people offering who said they didnt originally offer even though they wanted to because they figured XYZ would do it (mom,sister, friend...)
Not saying lying is a great idea or anything but it sure worked for her and it turned out a lot of people juat assumed other people were doing it and thats why they didnt say anything.
I
So she lied to get a bunch of free crap? I just do not understand why somebody getting pregnant means that people have to give them a party! You read the how you got pregnant in 3 words post. Most people are not even trying when they get knocked up. I understand some women have difficulty conceiving and their journey is a long one but it is your baby and your responsibility. No one has to buy you a damn thing or offer to throw you a party. After this post if someone threw me a shower after all the cussing and whining I would not even enjoy it. I literally imagine the original poster of this thread on her hands and knees kicking and screaming and crying that she did not get her way. We all started off with understanding and opinions that we were ASKED to give but she took it to a whole other level with the profanity and references to genocide... Tad over the top lol
I know this isnt the best option and I know I'm about to get some hate for this but I have a coworker that was having this same problem. She solved it by essentially making up that a friend backed out of hosting her baby shower and now she is stressed out. When people asked who she would politely say that she didn't want to name names because she understood why they needed to back out. She then got a bunch of people offering who said they didnt originally offer even though they wanted to because they figured XYZ would do it (mom,sister, friend...) Not saying lying is a great idea or anything but it sure worked for her and it turned out a lot of people juat assumed other people were doing it and thats why they didnt say anything.
I
So she lied to get a bunch of free crap? I just do not understand why somebody getting pregnant means that people have to give them a party! You read the how you got pregnant in 3 words post. Most people are not even trying when they get knocked up. I understand some women have difficulty conceiving and their journey is a long one but it is your baby and your responsibility. No one has to buy you a damn thing or offer to throw you a party. After this post if someone threw me a shower after all the cussing and whining I would not even enjoy it. I literally imagine the original poster of this thread on her hands and knees kicking and screaming and crying that she did not get her way. We all started off with understanding and opinions that we were ASKED to give but she took it to a whole other level with the profanity and references to genocide... Tad over the top lol
Not exactly- The original poster actually has not responded to anything after her original post.
I'm the one that has sailor meets trucker mouth, and technically in reference to what you said about my tantrum post, I didn't ask for any opinions, only stated my own. My only questions were rhetorical or sarcastic ones for emphasis.
So at some point there seems to be a mixing/mix up of the original posters comments and my own.
And the genocide analogy was from a different poster from either of us.
P.S. I don't have anything more to contribute to this conversation, I just don't want the original poster catching heat for my post, nor do I want to get a verbal smack for a post that was made after I left and I had nothing to do with.
Aww, I would throw you one if I knew you. I agree. I have ZERO close friends. I have my family, and a few people I see 3-4 times a year at our kids birthdays. I know none of those friends would throw me a shower. I am having a boy after 2 girls, and I see NO reason why I shouldn't have another shower. Probably hosted by my mom, because that's how we roll out here. Just like trends, music, technology, I really don't see why TRADITIONS cannot change. I heard the word antiquated used in a PP, and YES! That's the word exactly. Just like how at location kids parties, they don't even open the gifts in front of you anymore, they take them home, and most of the time no thank you cards are sent. Things change! And the others are right too. It stinks to have no one to vent to, but here is not the place. Some people will jump down your throat at every single thought you have. I'm here to say, you can PM me if you want to talk, because I totally am 100% in your corner. I get called selfish a lot, but it's funny how I give and give and give, but the second I "expect" something in return, I am called selfish. Go figure.
In short, throw your own shower. The people who care about you will attend. And while you should never "expect" a gift from anybody, the people that love you will want to get you stuff no matter what.
Aww, I would throw you one if I knew you. I agree. I have ZERO close friends. I have my family, and a few people I see 3-4 times a year at our kids birthdays. I know none of those friends would throw me a shower. I am having a boy after 2 girls, and I see NO reason why I shouldn't have another shower. Probably hosted by my mom, because that's how we roll out here. Just like trends, music, technology, I really don't see why TRADITIONS cannot change. I heard the word antiquated used in a PP, and YES! That's the word exactly. Just like how at location kids parties, they don't even open the gifts in front of you anymore, they take them home, and most of the time no thank you cards are sent. Things change! And the others are right too. It stinks to have no one to vent to, but here is not the place. Some people will jump down your throat at every single thought you have. I'm here to say, you can PM me if you want to talk, because I totally am 100% in your corner. I get called selfish a lot, but it's funny how I give and give and give, but the second I "expect" something in return, I am called selfish. Go figure.
In short, throw your own shower. The people who care about you will attend. And while you should never "expect" a gift from anybody, the people that love you will want to get you stuff no matter what.
I do think this topic has been beat to death but I'm just going to offer my own perspective/experience. When I got married, I was living far away from my family and all my bridesmaids, and pretty much had no close girlfriends nearby. My mom wanted me to have a shower in my hometown the weekend before the wedding, but did not think it was appropriate for her to "host" it. So I ended up asking one of my bridesmaids if she would send out the invitations and collect the RSVPs, and my mom would actually do all of the legwork. She agreed and actually ended up sending beautiful handmade invitations to all my friends and organizing stuff with my sister.
Looking back, I'm actually horribly embarrassed that I asked my friend to get involved with a gift giving party for me without her offering at all. I think I lost perspective because I was getting married and I was supposed to have a shower and how awful would it be if I didn't have one. And in the long run I just ended up feeling terribly rude and wish I could go back and smack myself upside the head. And even though I don't think my friend minded, I still feel this way.
So I do think it's totally normal to be feeling what you are feeling, but I don't think it's appropriate to ask your friends to host one for you, or to throw one yourself. I think hosting a meet-the-baby party later is the best way to go if no one ends up offering you one. And I hope one of your friends does
Do you or your husband have any brothers that could throw a "huggies and chuggies" party? A neighbor of ours is having one for my husband- we buy the keg and the guys all bring a box of diapers and hang out! The guys loved having an excuse to all hang out on a Saturday and drink and we benefit from not having to buy diapers! A friend of mine had one and didn't have to buy diapers for the first 11 months! Just another alternative.
No. No, please. No, said politely. Please don't dictate what people bring for you to attend a party. Your husband can hang out and drink with his friends without someone bringing gifts.
Well with friends and family like that, why would they even bother showing. @wassuphoes
I like baby showers. I like spending time with my family and seeing the cute baby things.
If you're convinced your family doesn't do this, it's you they're talking about.
Oh, I know how my family is, trust me. I was told the family is rude to me because I "never helping with dishes", and I'm sorry, lamest thing I've ever heard. I was invited to a party, I am watching my kids so they don't get yelled at for playing in your home. I'm not going to offer to clean dishes up after 30 people. That's why I don't hang out with those family members. I keep people around that are polite to me, and I am polite in return.
Well with friends and family like that, why would they even bother showing. @wassuphoes
I like baby showers. I like spending time with my family and seeing the cute baby things.
If you're convinced your family doesn't do this, it's you they're talking about.
Oh, I know how my family is, trust me. I was told the family is rude to me because I "never helping with dishes", and I'm sorry, lamest thing I've ever heard. I was invited to a party, I am watching my kids so they don't get yelled at for playing in your home. I'm not going to offer to clean dishes up after 30 people. That's why I don't hang out with those family members. I keep people around that are polite to me, and I am polite in return.
Well with friends and family like that, why would they even bother showing. @wassuphoes
I like baby showers. I like spending time with my family and seeing the cute baby things.
If you're convinced your family doesn't do this, it's you they're talking about.
Oh, I know how my family is, trust me. I was told the family is rude to me because I "never helping with dishes", and I'm sorry, lamest thing I've ever heard. I was invited to a party, I am watching my kids so they don't get yelled at for playing in your home. I'm not going to offer to clean dishes up after 30 people. That's why I don't hang out with those family members. I keep people around that are polite to me, and I am polite in return.
.....
Okay girl, I think this has gone beyond just baby showers.
@wassuphoes, So, what you're saying is that you would show up at a party where you think it's tacky to begin with (hosted by the mom to be), you would spend half as much on a gift (even if it's a close relative) and then, be totally fake to her face and talk crap with other family members behind her back? Gina, is that you???
@FrozenMommy I'm sure this hasn't occurred to you, but chances are that your family is treating you poorly because they perceive your behavior as rude and entitled.
@wassuphoes, So, what you're saying is that you would show up at a party where you think it's tacky to begin with (hosted by the mom to be), you would spend half as much on a gift (even if it's a close relative) and then, be totally fake to her face and talk crap with other family members behind her back? Gina, is that you???
Yes.
You're taking this real personal. I mean, do you keep a running tally of how much each person spends on you? The only person who knows how much I spend on a shower gift is me. (And my husband because we discuss budget ahead of time) Calm down.
And you know, aside from truly toxic families, the one who gets talked about usually brings it on themselves (trouble with the, acting entitled or being a spoiled brat which is what throwing your own shower falls under) I'm sorry that your family seems to be picking on you. I don't know what is going on, but maybe talking to a support community or professional would be more beneficial then this exchange on a baby shower thread.
Well with friends and family like that, why would they even bother showing. @wassuphoes
I like baby showers. I like spending time with my family and seeing the cute baby things.
If you're convinced your family doesn't do this, it's you they're talking about.
I actually think that's ridiculous to assume a persons friends and family are going up be talking about them behind their back. Maybe it's that way in your circle but not everyone's so I wouldn't make that generalization. If I personally felt someone was being gift grabby I just wouldn't attend the shower because I'm not the person to smile in someone's face and talk behind their back that's super fake. I've attended multiple showers for 1st, 2nd and 3rd babies and have not had an issue with it so some people may care and if so they should decline the invitation but for others it's really not that serious.
See now, when did this become about me "keeping a tally on spending?" What I said is if you think it's tacky, why are you going, and then talking badly about that person. Yes, I guess I am taking it a bit personally, because of a bad situation with a certain family members, who I choose not to see anymore. But the point I was trying to get across to the OP is that the people that love her, will come and HOPEFULLY not be as judgmental as you seem to be. Regardless of my feelings on taking it personally, she was looking for some validation to host her own party, and I am saying go for it, I am at least one person out there that doesn't judge her for it. And my family, they are truly toxic, rude, s***talking, what's in it for me types of people, who didn't even give me a congrats on my pregnancy. Yet at christmas time, they act like we are one big happy, and it's sickening.
So just to summarize, the person saying "go ahead, throw your own, it's not tacky!" Is the one who is admittedly talked about by her family for (presumably among other things) not offering to lift a finger at family functions. Ok cool. Take that for what it's worth. You should hang out with my SIL, you'd hit it off.
LOL see, now you are judging me for one thing, not knowing the entire story. Cool. When I have a 2 and 3 year old running around my aunts house and I am being screamed at for my kids being kids, no, dishes are NOT on my list of things I give a crap about.
Re: Nobody has offered to throw a shower
Oy vey.
Logical argument.
You sound like a child throwing a tantrum. Not sure what happened between the first post and this one but if this is your attitude in life it is no wonder no one is throwing you one. You asked our opinion and we gave it.
It's an offensive word to throw around. Nazis may not mean anything to you, but to me, and my family, they represent ultimate horror. Tacking the word Nazi onto something silly is demeaning to those who have suffered at their hands.
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If u throw your own, try to get a "host" for the invitation. Talk to your mom and sisters perhaps they will be receptive. It's your family...screw etiquette. Maybe they will even end up helping out. No one has to know who planned or paid for that matter or how it came to be. No guest is going to ask who paid for their meal...that'd be rude!
People get so upset about antiquated etiquette and there are ways to get around everything. Anyways, it technically is bad etiquette to have immediate family member host (sister/mother) as well but that rule has been bent a million times over and no one cares. It is common practice now.
Then...Again I think it's more rude to expect someone else to pay for the entire event which can be 100s of dollars not to mention all the work involved and not help out at all with the expense Or work and just show up (the "right" way to go about it)..but that's just me and I don't really give a hoot about what's supposed to be what. Who cares? Celebrate away!! Bbq would be fine or meet and greet too as others have suggested. Personally I like meet and greets for 2nd+ babies if u can get past the germ factor.
People just love to celebrate babies! No one really gives a hoot about etiquette. Talk to your mom and sisters, I'm sure they would be understanding and receptive. Ignore all the bs and do what you want and make it happen. Not one person here is at all affected by your choice or situation. Have fun! This is a great time in your life! Enjoy it!
She did, but only after J1D called HERSELF selfish in the last line.
She did, but only after J1D called HERSELF selfish in the last line.
ETA: quote fail----------
I wasn't clear. The "it seems that way to me, too" was about the poster sounding selfish. After I re-read my ETA it didn't sound how I wanted. Whoops! Thanks for the clarification!
She then got a bunch of people offering who said they didnt originally offer even though they wanted to because they figured XYZ would do it (mom,sister, friend...)
Not saying lying is a great idea or anything but it sure worked for her and it turned out a lot of people juat assumed other people were doing it and thats why they didnt say anything.
No one but you knows what kind of relationship you have with your friends and family but you. I know i have friends who would be so stoked if i asked them to host. Ive been asked to host an engagement party before. Its 2015, maybe time to let go of crazy judgemental ideals of how we should be doing this thing.
I just say do you boo!
I So she lied to get a bunch of free crap? I just do not understand why somebody getting pregnant means that people have to give them a party! You read the how you got pregnant in 3 words post. Most people are not even trying when they get knocked up. I understand some women have difficulty conceiving and their journey is a long one but it is your baby and your responsibility. No one has to buy you a damn thing or offer to throw you a party. After this post if someone threw me a shower after all the cussing and whining I would not even enjoy it. I literally imagine the original poster of this thread on her hands and knees kicking and screaming and crying that she did not get her way. We all started off with understanding and opinions that we were ASKED to give but she took it to a whole other level with the profanity and references to genocide... Tad over the top lol
I
So she lied to get a bunch of free crap? I just do not understand why somebody getting pregnant means that people have to give them a party! You read the how you got pregnant in 3 words post. Most people are not even trying when they get knocked up. I understand some women have difficulty conceiving and their journey is a long one but it is your baby and your responsibility. No one has to buy you a damn thing or offer to throw you a party. After this post if someone threw me a shower after all the cussing and whining I would not even enjoy it. I literally imagine the original poster of this thread on her hands and knees kicking and screaming and crying that she did not get her way. We all started off with understanding and opinions that we were ASKED to give but she took it to a whole other level with the profanity and references to genocide... Tad over the top lol
Not exactly-
The original poster actually has not responded to anything after her original post.
I'm the one that has sailor meets trucker mouth, and technically in reference to what you said about my tantrum post, I didn't ask for any opinions, only stated my own. My only questions were rhetorical or sarcastic ones for emphasis.
So at some point there seems to be a mixing/mix up of the original posters comments and my own.
And the genocide analogy was from a different poster from either of us.
Edit: didn't complete one of my sentences
I'm sure that's not the only reason.
I actually think that's ridiculous to assume a persons friends and family are going up be talking about them behind their back. Maybe it's that way in your circle but not everyone's so I wouldn't make that generalization. If I personally felt someone was being gift grabby I just wouldn't attend the shower because I'm not the person to smile in someone's face and talk behind their back that's super fake. I've attended multiple showers for 1st, 2nd and 3rd babies and have not had an issue with it so some people may care and if so they should decline the invitation but for others it's really not that serious.