Monday, Monday, Monday

Flamingemu · November 2014

redneckmomma25 said:

We do Angel Tree every year at Christmas. You pick a child who has a parent in prison. That parent gives you a gift they would like for their child (game, doll, learning stuff) and you purchase the gift on behalf of the parent. I really enjoy that. I've never delivered the gift . Our church does. I just feel like it would break my heart to see the kids. I think it's a good program if you want to do something. And it's always a gift for the child. It is a Christian organization. I love this time of year.

I usually pick off the tree at the local coffee shop. They work with a couple of local churches. The way they do it is to have the givers buy age/gender appropriate gifts, the churches sort through all of it and the receivers go and choose the gifts that apply to their children. A little less personal, but the same idea.

redneckmomma25 · November 2014

Hyaline said:

redneckmomma25 said:

... I am going through all of our girl clothes. Who knows if we will have a 3rd or if it will be a girl. I feel like it is a waste of space to keep it all. Plus I would likely buy some new stuff if we have another girl. It's turning out to be a huge job. I'd like to go through the sizes one more time and look at how many of each type I need in each size. A lot of it is sentimental and I'm having a hard time letting go.

...

I need to do that. Early on, I started saving everything, but I KNOW there is tons of stuff in those boxes that I probably don't want to see again, haha. And it's horribly organized. I need to weed through and reorganize by size/season. Here's to winter projects...

I knew I would need to do it eventually. Wasn't sure if it would be more temporary if we were having a girl. But now that it's a boy and I will need to store 2x the amount of clothes, I need to thin the heard. I also bought a ton of ziploc vacuum bags to try and help. Hopefully they will help.

MrsKipper · November 2014

@‌redneckmomma25 I donated a lot of Nola's baby clothes this summer and just donated more of her 9-18m clothes. I also donated most of Camden's newborn size clothes. It's a little sad since I'm almost certain we're done, but I really didn't need to hang on to it anymore and have it taking up space. I kept some outfits that had sentimental value.

Nola can't shake this sickness she has. I feel so bad for her because I know she doesn't feel well. She just finished her abx, so hopefully she'll be on the mend now.

redneckmomma25 · November 2014

I don't know that we will be done. Part of me thinks family of 4 is easiest but I don't want that to be my reason. So I just want to take it one kid at a time and decide.

MRoxy0628 · November 2014

mnkate said:

A has been over-the-top emotional lately, and it's been rough on us all. I think it's some sort of developmental milestone (his language has taken a huge & very noticeable leap in the past week), or maybe teething, or maybe just being two. I have no idea, but it's wearing all of us down. He just asked to go upstairs to take a nap at 11am. Poor kid.

We've been experiencing this too. I think you're right that it's probably related to development, at least that's what I'm hoping.

redneckmomma25 · November 2014

BobKat22 said:
I traded my girl stuff for boy stuff with two friends. Every time I see one of those girls in DD's clothes, my heart breaks. I wasn't sentimental with it at all when I gave it away. It hit later.

Nb and 3 mo were not as bad as some of the bigger clothes. I didn't get rid of any of her occasion dresses she wore.

Unknown · November 2014

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AKB090609 · November 2014

@MarisaKathleen‌ will you PM me a referral code to the blankets?

MommaP12 · November 2014

It is really hard to get rid of the baby clothes, but I did a similar thing in keeping some sentimental items in a medium box. There are things our grandparents got them or things that could be passed down to their children one day so one medium box for each with special items from the first two years seemed good to keep.

MarisaKathleen · November 2014

AKB090609 said:

@MarisaKathleen‌ will you PM me a referral code to the blankets?

there's no referral code necessary! :-)

It's just pickyourplum.com!

hmp1 · November 2014

MarisaKathleen said:

AKB090609 said:

@MarisaKathleen‌ will you PM me a referral code to the blankets?

there's no referral code necessary! :-)
It's just pickyourplum.com!

It's not needed, but you get a kick back for referring friends.

MommaP12 · November 2014

It is really hard to get rid of the baby clothes, but I did a similar thing in keeping some sentimental items in a medium box. There are things our grandparents got them or things that could be passed down to their children one day so one medium box for each with special items from the first two years seemed good to keep.

AKB090609 · November 2014

We had a crazy weekend, we found a mouse in the house and had to completely empty our utility room to clean and put out traps. It sucked.

Yesterday I made the mistake of going grocery shopping, people were acting crazy, 4 packs of toilet paper, 3 18 packs of eggs. It's snow, it sucks, but I don't think it is a reason to lose your ever loving mind.

Mom's of 2+ any tips for how to get out of the house with more than one kid in winter. I had a great routine, then today all the extra layers made it nearly impossible I need a new plan of attack!

tinyhumantoe · November 2014

I almost bought elf on a shelf, but realized I don't know what it is haha.

Unknown · November 2014

This content has been removed.

tinyhumantoe · November 2014

We had friends in from out of town for the football game and I was the DD - blech. Friends of our friends also tagged along, and the woman was super rude to me all day. As the night went on and the drinking continued, she became downright mean. I just wanted to cry the entire day because I am a sensitive Sally. It was a tough situation because I was everyone's sober ride and I couldn't bail on them.

I finally got upset enough that I decided it was time for me to go. Turns out the woman and her husband have been trying for five months and it made her "sick to look at me."

I know that is a really tough situation. The whole thing made me so sad and tired. It was such a weird thing to wonder all day if I did something wrong, or if I was just taking things the wrong way. My stomach was in knots all day, and honestly it was a relief when she started being outwardly evil to me because I knew I wasn't being a hormonal doofus. I still feel pretty upset about it. I don't know how she could be so hateful to the person who got them free tickets, cooked food for them for the tailgate, stocked beer coolers, and hauled their asses around until 1am. I feel like maybe she should have removed herself from the situation if it was hurting her to be around me.

AKB090609 · November 2014

tinyhumantoe said:

We had friends in from out of town for the football game and I was the DD - blech. Friends of our friends also tagged along, and the woman was super rude to me all day. As the night went on and the drinking continued, she became downright mean. I just wanted to cry the entire day because I am a sensitive Sally. It was a tough situation because I was everyone's sober ride and I couldn't bail on them.

I finally got upset enough that I decided it was time for me to go. Turns out the woman and her husband have been trying for five months and it made her "sick to look at me." I know that is a really tough situation. The whole thing made me so sad and tired. It was such a weird thing to wonder all day if I did something wrong, or if I was just taking things the wrong way. My stomach was in knots all day, and honestly it was a relief when she started being outwardly evil to me because I knew I wasn't being a hormonal doofus. I still feel pretty upset about it. I don't know how she could be so hateful to the person who got them free tickets, cooked food for them for the tailgate, stocked beer coolers, and hauled their asses around until 1am. I feel like maybe she should have removed herself from the situation if it was hurting her to be around me.

As someone who has been in her place it can be so very hard to be kind to a person who has what you are struggling for. BUT, she absolutely should have kept her mouth shut, or removed herself from the situation. The very least she could have done was avoid talking to you, rather than being rude or mean.

I'm sorry she made you feel bad!

BeebopandBuddy · November 2014

@tinyhumantoe‌ That's terrible. I understand that it can be an extremely difficult and sensitive thing to be around someone pregnant when you're having trouble, but she shouldn't have been mean like that. She doesn't even know you! A girl at work with me had multiple miscarriages and fertility issues. She was really angry and rude to anyone in the office, male or female, who was having a baby. One day she was mean to my co-worker who was telling me about his wife's first u/s and she stormed out of the room. She had no idea that they had been trying together pregnant for two years and this was finally a success. People really have difficulty understanding that other people have feelings too sometimes.

willy_gert · November 2014

AKB090609 said:

tinyhumantoe said:

We had friends in from out of town for the football game and I was the DD - blech. Friends of our friends also tagged along, and the woman was super rude to me all day. As the night went on and the drinking continued, she became downright mean. I just wanted to cry the entire day because I am a sensitive Sally. It was a tough situation because I was everyone's sober ride and I couldn't bail on them.

I finally got upset enough that I decided it was time for me to go. Turns out the woman and her husband have been trying for five months and it made her "sick to look at me." I know that is a really tough situation. The whole thing made me so sad and tired. It was such a weird thing to wonder all day if I did something wrong, or if I was just taking things the wrong way. My stomach was in knots all day, and honestly it was a relief when she started being outwardly evil to me because I knew I wasn't being a hormonal doofus. I still feel pretty upset about it. I don't know how she could be so hateful to the person who got them free tickets, cooked food for them for the tailgate, stocked beer coolers, and hauled their asses around until 1am. I feel like maybe she should have removed herself from the situation if it was hurting her to be around me.

As someone who has been in her place it can be so very hard to be kind to a person who has what you are struggling for. BUT, she absolutely should have kept her mouth shut, or removed herself from the situation. The very least she could have done was avoid talking to you, rather than being rude or mean.

I'm sorry she made you feel bad!

I've been in her place too, but its still no excuse to be rude or hateful to someone you don't know who is doing so much for you! Plus five months in is really early to be worried about what is or isn't happening with TTC.

hmp1 · November 2014

willy_gert said: Target's Black Friday ad was just released.... It's hard to believe that a flat screen TV is now $79.

Is anyone else trying to take advantage of the buy today sale? I can't find those twin sheet sets they have in the ad online. The only ones I see are the solid and the ad has a couple cute prints. I got all excited, damn you Target.

Twin-size Room Essentials® microfiber sheet set

smb+jab · November 2014

tinyhumantoe said:

We had friends in from out of town for the football game and I was the DD - blech. Friends of our friends also tagged along, and the woman was super rude to me all day. As the night went on and the drinking continued, she became downright mean. I just wanted to cry the entire day because I am a sensitive Sally. It was a tough situation because I was everyone's sober ride and I couldn't bail on them.

I finally got upset enough that I decided it was time for me to go. Turns out the woman and her husband have been trying for five months and it made her "sick to look at me." I know that is a really tough situation. The whole thing made me so sad and tired. It was such a weird thing to wonder all day if I did something wrong, or if I was just taking things the wrong way. My stomach was in knots all day, and honestly it was a relief when she started being outwardly evil to me because I knew I wasn't being a hormonal doofus. I still feel pretty upset about it. I don't know how she could be so hateful to the person who got them free tickets, cooked food for them for the tailgate, stocked beer coolers, and hauled their asses around until 1am. I feel like maybe she should have removed herself from the situation if it was hurting her to be around me.

I have been rather busy at work today but I had to comment on this. As someone who has experienced the envy of seeing other women become pregnant when you are so desperately trying to keep a baby, she was 100% out of line. Yes it's hard to see other pregnant when you are trying but that doesn't give her the right to be ignorant. You should not be made to feel bad especially when you being so gracious to be the DD and all.

also @ loislayn I sorry to hear you are still struggling. I hope things start to turn your way soon

watercolor5 · November 2014

redneckmomma25 said:

We do Angel Tree every year at Christmas. You pick a child who has a parent in prison. That parent gives you a gift they would like for their child (game, doll, learning stuff) and you purchase the gift on behalf of the parent. I really enjoy that. I've never delivered the gift . Our church does. I just feel like it would break my heart to see the kids. I think it's a good program if you want to do something. And it's always a gift for the child. It is a Christian organization. I love this time of year. Operation Christmas Child shoe boxes are due this Sunday. My niece's will be with me this weekend and I think they will enjoy putting them together. We also sponsored a little girl in Africa through compassion international. Got out first letter from her. So sweet! So excited for Grace to be able to communicate with her in the future.

We did Operation Christmas Child this year. I totally went overboard, buying everything and anything I thought could fit in the box. I had to lean on that shoebox to get it to shut so I could tape it haha. I'm glad they let you track the box to see where in the world it ends up. Sometimes I think it's easier if all you know about the child is boy or girl and age range. Now if I could just figure out what to get for my kids and nieces and nephews...

@willygert don't feel like a charity case for accepting food when you're going through a rough time. My MOPS group provides two weeks of meals (MWF) every time a woman has a baby, and nobody feels like they are charity cases, and what you're going through is much harder than just having a kid. Just provide a meal for someone else going through a rough patch after your family gets through this one!

willy_gert · November 2014

hmp1 said:

willy_gert said: Target's Black Friday ad was just released.... It's hard to believe that a flat screen TV is now $79.
Is anyone else trying to take advantage of the buy today sale? I can't find those twin sheet sets they have in the ad online. The only ones I see are the solid and the ad has a couple cute prints. I got all excited, damn you Target.

I don't think they are part of the one day sale....

(

Kissty · November 2014

tinyhumantoe said:

We had friends in from out of town for the football game and I was the DD - blech. Friends of our friends also tagged along, and the woman was super rude to me all day. As the night went on and the drinking continued, she became downright mean. I just wanted to cry the entire day because I am a sensitive Sally. It was a tough situation because I was everyone's sober ride and I couldn't bail on them.

I finally got upset enough that I decided it was time for me to go. Turns out the woman and her husband have been trying for five months and it made her "sick to look at me." I know that is a really tough situation. The whole thing made me so sad and tired. It was such a weird thing to wonder all day if I did something wrong, or if I was just taking things the wrong way. My stomach was in knots all day, and honestly it was a relief when she started being outwardly evil to me because I knew I wasn't being a hormonal doofus. I still feel pretty upset about it. I don't know how she could be so hateful to the person who got them free tickets, cooked food for them for the tailgate, stocked beer coolers, and hauled their asses around until 1am. I feel like maybe she should have removed herself from the situation if it was hurting her to be around me.

What a complete twatwaffle she was!!! I have been in a similar situation especially when all of my friends were having their babies. I had to excuse myself from dinner one night when my friend announced her pregnancy, and again a few years later when we were visiting and her and another friend's children were decorating easter eggs. I feel bad for the woman who is trying but that does not in ANY way excuse her behavior. Did anyone else notice her behavior towards you? Someone should really have a talk with her about it. I am very sorry she made you feel that way.

tyrannasaurusjess · November 2014

@tinyhumantoe, yikes! I can understand that it might be hard to be around a pregnant person when you're trying and things aren't working for you, but that is no excuse to be rude!! Someone should've told her the mantra I use on Jasper... it's okay to be mad, but it's not okay to be mean! I'm sorry she made you feel bad--hopefully she didn't totally ruin your weekend.

H is going through some sort of phase, or crisis, or...I don't know. It started with him wanting to get rid of all the clutter in our lives, which I was/am totally down with. Getting rid of stuff just collecting dust, okay sure. But this has turned into 'do you really need this? (the only pair of jeans I have?? um yes. yes I do.) do they really make you HAPPY?! (They don't make me feel elated, no, but they do keep my bottom half covered and warm, so they're staying). He texted (text? texted?) me this morning saying we should probably get rid of our TV, and asking if we really need curtains. I'm worried that if I leave to go to the store or something, I'm going to come back to an empty house!!

hmp1 · November 2014

TTTC doesn't give anyone the right to be a bitch to strangers, or friends, or anyone really. Right to remove yourself from situations or not involve yourself as much, sure. But not be a snatch. Hopefully her husband noticed and pointed out her behavior to her. It took me 14 months to get pregnant with James and I cannot imagine making someone happily going about their day feel bad about their own blessed good luck. Sorry you had to deal with that, THT.

MRoxy0628 · November 2014

jessk86 said:

@tinyhumantoe, yikes! I can understand that it might be hard to be around a pregnant person when you're trying and things aren't working for you, but that is no excuse to be rude!! Someone should've told her the mantra I use on Jasper... it's okay to be mad, but it's not okay to be mean! I'm sorry she made you feel bad--hopefully she didn't totally ruin your weekend.

H is going through some sort of phase, or crisis, or...I don't know. It started with him wanting to get rid of all the clutter in our lives, which I was/am totally down with. Getting rid of stuff just collecting dust, okay sure. But this has turned into 'do you really need this? (the only pair of jeans I have?? um yes. yes I do.) do they really make you HAPPY?! (They don't make me feel elated, no, but they do keep my bottom half covered and warm, so they're staying). He texted (text? texted?) me this morning saying we should probably get rid of our TV, and asking if we really need curtains. I'm worried that if I leave to go to the store or something, I'm going to come back to an empty house!!

Did something happen to bring on this change? Is he trying to sell the things for money or just really wants to simplify life? Sorry if I'm being nosy, just curious what brought this about?

tinyhumantoe · November 2014

Some of the early things were like when I got up for a water and asked who needed a beer. I was handing out beers and asked if she would like one, she looked straight at me and looked away. I thought she didn't hear me so I repeated, "Hey Lizzie can I get you a beer?" and she rolled her eyes at me and said "obviously not, jesus christ." I said oh, sorry i must not have heard you and sat down, then she immediately got up, stared me down, and got a beer. I was so confused and wondered if I misunderstood somehow.

Later at the piano bar I got sent in to get us a table. She was the first of the group in, and she stared me down as she went to the table two rows over. So psycho! Everyone came in and was like, huh which table? I was like....uhhh..... the other table looks fine so I can move. She said, "there's really not enough room for you over here" and started laughing hysterically - like, psychotically. The tables are 10 tops, we were a group of 6.

That's when the others started noticing.

The last straw was when we were at the last bar and she purposely shoved the table pretty freaking hard when she got up, and it nailed me in the stomach and pinned me to the wall. She yelled, "OOPS MY BAD." By that point DH was too drunk to notice, but our guy friend took care of the situation and sent them home in a cab.

Anyway, I feel like I'm not being very healthy to keep reflecting on the whole night.

tinyhumantoe · November 2014

jessk86 said:

H is going through some sort of phase, or crisis, or...I don't know. It started with him wanting to get rid of all the clutter in our lives, which I was/am totally down with. Getting rid of stuff just collecting dust, okay sure. But this has turned into 'do you really need this? (the only pair of jeans I have?? um yes. yes I do.) do they really make you HAPPY?! (They don't make me feel elated, no, but they do keep my bottom half covered and warm, so they're staying). He texted (text? texted?) me this morning saying we should probably get rid of our TV, and asking if we really need curtains. I'm worried that if I leave to go to the store or something, I'm going to come back to an empty house!!

Is he reading a minimalist blog while at work? It always sounds fun to me to do the minimalist thing but then I look around and I'm like, oh - I like stuff. The tv and curtains and things sure sound like a minimialist paring down.

Hyaline · November 2014

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that if someone is behaving that horribly to someone because they're so upset after TTC for *five months* there is something else going on in their lives or they have other issues. You didn't do a damn thing wrong, THT, and she needs to find a way to better control herself in situations that make her uncomfortable. Frankly, that level of mean is outrageously jealous and selfish. I get that TTC is hard, but someone's pregnancy "making you sick" after trying for five months? Girl's got issues.

tinyhumantoe · November 2014

I had really bizarre feelings and anger after my m/c. So I completely understand that sometimes you feel an overwhelming terrible feeling triggered by random things or people, and you can't control how it makes you feel. Even weirder is that I still feel this way even though I have been blessed with a pregnancy now.

I also know that I had a hard time when we were trying and it wasn't happening, and we did not have an experience anywhere near what many couples go through.

All that to say, I can't imagine how I would feel if my struggles had been worse and my heart breaks for those who are going through these things.

MarisaKathleen · November 2014

jessk86 said:

@tinyhumantoe, yikes! I can understand that it might be hard to be around a pregnant person when you're trying and things aren't working for you, but that is no excuse to be rude!! Someone should've told her the mantra I use on Jasper... it's okay to be mad, but it's not okay to be mean! I'm sorry she made you feel bad--hopefully she didn't totally ruin your weekend.

H is going through some sort of phase, or crisis, or...I don't know. It started with him wanting to get rid of all the clutter in our lives, which I was/am totally down with. Getting rid of stuff just collecting dust, okay sure. But this has turned into 'do you really need this? (the only pair of jeans I have?? um yes. yes I do.) do they really make you HAPPY?! (They don't make me feel elated, no, but they do keep my bottom half covered and warm, so they're staying). He texted (text? texted?) me this morning saying we should probably get rid of our TV, and asking if we really need curtains. I'm worried that if I leave to go to the store or something, I'm going to come back to an empty house!!

I'm dying over this. Seriously. I just made DH buy me a new tv because we need one in the basement if it's going to be the kids' area....

I often think about decluttering and doing a mass exodus of our stuff, but it turns out I really like stuff. It'll never happen.

tinyhumantoe · November 2014

Hyaline said:

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that if someone is behaving that horribly to someone because they're so upset after TTC for *five months* there is something else going on in their lives or they have other issues. You didn't do a damn thing wrong, THT, and she needs to find a way to better control herself in situations that make her uncomfortable. Frankly, that level of mean is outrageously jealous and selfish. I get that TTC is hard, but someone's pregnancy "making you sick" after trying for five months? Girl's got issues.

Part of me wonders if there is a more permanent heartbreak there... like her H has a low sperm count or she has a health problem that complicates things. I don't know........ I guess that's me telling myself that there must be more to the story.

tinyhumantoe · November 2014

Uh, I have been trying to declutter. My parents offered me a little tv with built in VCR.....yes, VCR, and 50 cartoon movies (disney, etc.). I took it. I was thinking W would love some of those movies.

Then I was like.....fuck, what happened to decluttering? At least it wasn't a beta player haha!

redneckmomma25 · November 2014

This is the sell/give way/hand me down pile

tyrannasaurusjess · November 2014

MRoxy0628 said:
Did something happen to bring on this change? Is he trying to sell the things for money or just really wants to simplify life? Sorry if I'm being nosy, just curious what brought this about?

tinyhumantoe said
Is he reading a minimalist blog while at work? It always sounds fun to me to do the minimalist thing but then I look around and I'm like, oh - I like stuff. The tv and curtains and things sure sound like a minimialist paring down.

He has started reading a few minimalist blogs, so I'm sure that's where it's all stemming from. I was fine with his suggestions at first-- go through the loft and get rid of stuff we don't need... get rid of old coats and mis-fitting clothes and all that sort of stuff---they were all normal requests. But now he's asking if we need toys and curtains, and what if we got rid of our dryer (we live in IL, so hanging clothes out to dry year round is NOT an option). He asked if I thought we could live with just a mini fridge, and today the TV. I asked him if we needed to have a talk, because it seemed like we might not be on the same page with all of this, and he said he just feels like these things are 'distractions from life'. I *THINK* what he means is, he doesn't want to look back and feel like he watched TV instead of playing with the kids, but we watch like, 40 minutes of tv a day, and it isn't until the kids go to bed, so maybe there is more that he's not letting on or I am not getting? I'm hoping we can have a come to jesus talk tonight about it.

@MarisaKathleen, our TV is maybe 2 months old (we had to upgrade) and with the new TV he bought a new PS4. Yesterday I drove up to Chicago and back to drop my oldest son off, and H was supposed to fix the banister. He told me he spent the entire time (7.5 hours) playing video games and relaxing. (the kids were at MILs, so the above part about not playing with the kids doesn't really apply)

MarisaKathleen · November 2014

I have an interview on Thursday at a spa around 15 minutes from me. I would love to go back to the spa world and not have to pay for my facials anymore. :-) It would be a paycut of almost $10 an hour, but it's also 15 minutes from home, part time, and full of spa services. I'm irrationally excited.

tyrannasaurusjess · November 2014

tinyhumantoe said:

Some of the early things were like when I got up for a water and asked who needed a beer. I was handing out beers and asked if she would like one, she looked straight at me and looked away. I thought she didn't hear me so I repeated, "Hey Lizzie can I get you a beer?" and she rolled her eyes at me and said "obviously not, jesus christ." I said oh, sorry i must not have heard you and sat down, then she immediately got up, stared me down, and got a beer. I was so confused and wondered if I misunderstood somehow.

Later at the piano bar I got sent in to get us a table. She was the first of the group in, and she stared me down as she went to the table two rows over. So psycho! Everyone came in and was like, huh which table? I was like....uhhh..... the other table looks fine so I can move. She said, "there's really not enough room for you over here" and started laughing hysterically - like, psychotically. The tables are 10 tops, we were a group of 6. That's when the others started noticing.

The last straw was when we were at the last bar and she purposely shoved the table pretty freaking hard when she got up, and it nailed me in the stomach and pinned me to the wall. She yelled, "OOPS MY BAD." By that point DH was too drunk to notice, but our guy friend took care of the situation and sent them home in a cab.

Anyway, I feel like I'm not being very healthy to keep reflecting on the whole night.

Hell to the no!!! You are a much better person than I am, because I definitely would have reacted in a not very nice or adult like way at this point. Passive aggressive I can handle, but legit aggressive? WTF lady

MarisaKathleen · November 2014

@tinyhumantoe, she's a bitch. Plain and simple. I would have shoved that table right back at her. What an a-hole. I hope you never have to hang out with them again.

AKB090609 · November 2014

Just to clarify, I was saying that the way THT was treated was unacceptable.

It seems what I typed was unclear, I've been in the mean girls shoes (and honestly felt pretty desperate by month 5 TTC, and it still took another 20+ months for us) and can understand the feelings NOT the actions.

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