Newbie/FTM questions?

sararhino · October 2014

FTM here and this one may be kind of silly, but did any of you experience minor/major meltdowns before your LO arrived? If so what did you do to calm yourself? I'm talking like during the 3rd trimester "oh my gosh this is really happening" anxiety.
For example- my third tri starts in two days and yesterday I layed on our nursery floor in silence for a good hour-hour and a half because I just felt like my head would explode from all of the impending pressure to be a good mom. I've gone from nesting to freaking out real quick.

Cheekers2010 · October 2014

Shortstack06 said:

When a doctor tells you, "You are measuring ahead 5 days" does that mean you could potentially go into labor 5 days earlier, or you just may have a larger healthy child? How many STM's have measured ahead and delivered earlier?

It probably doesn't mean anything because measurements in utero are imprecise (whether measuring by fundal hight or u/s). If the measurement is correct, all it means is the baby is going to be a tiny bit bigger. They don't actually develop any faster so you shouldn't expect to deliver earlier. You just never know. Some babies want to come a little earlier, some a little later. I think the average for a ftm is something like 41 weeks regardless.

AngelSong76 · October 2014

sararhino said:

FTM here and this one may be kind of silly, but did any of you experience minor/major meltdowns before your LO arrived? If so what did you do to calm yourself? I'm talking like during the 3rd trimester "oh my gosh this is really happening" anxiety. For example- my third tri starts in two days and yesterday I layed on our nursery floor in silence for a good hour-hour and a half because I just felt like my head would explode from all of the impending pressure to be a good mom. I've gone from nesting to freaking out real quick.

Yep - this happened to me with my first and has already happened a couple of times with this one. Except now it's "how am I going to handle TWO?" Freaking out is okay and perfectly normal. To calm myself, I mostly rub my belly. That sounds odd, but it works. And sit with my eyes closed for a moment and try to clear my mind. Talk to the baby too. That helped a lot. Tell him/her how you are feeling and how much you want to be the best mom possible. That really helped me when I got anxious or freaked out.

Shortstack06 · October 2014

@checkers2010 I know the average is usually a week past, but all of my friends have gone earlier as FTM's. 32 weeks, 34 weeks, and 36 weeks. One got induced at 39, but the 5 days was off my a/s. I go in today for a fundal.

Manateearmz · October 2014

Shortstack06 said:
When a doctor tells you, "You are measuring ahead 5 days" does that mean you could potentially go into labor 5 days earlier, or you just may have a larger healthy child? How many STM's have measured ahead and delivered earlier?

I was measuring ahead at 34-36 weeks and it could've been for additional fluid or because of the way baby is measuring. They gave it 2 weeks to correct itself but I ended up getting an US to check it out. In my case it was the way she was positioned.

She was born a week early but that did not mean our dates were off. She was just early.

soulcupcake · October 2014

@Shortstack06

Fundal measurement isn't meant to be precise. It's just meant to coincide with the number of weeks the mom is. If the measurement is +/- 2-3 cm/weeks it falls within normal range. A larger or smaller measurement could be the result of baby's position, level of fluid, whether baby has dropped, and what number of pregnancy it is (STM+ may measure larger in subsequent pregnancies, similar to showing sooner).

If dates are accurate then it doesn't point to how soon the baby may come, but if the measurement exceeds 3-4 cm/weeks then the caregiver may look into it. I measured 6 cm/weeks ahead with my first starting at 25/26 weeks, and it was due to having mild polyhydramnios (excessive fluid) and her being LGA (large for gestational age). I regularly measured 3-4 cm ahead with my second, and I had a normal fluid level. She wasn't "big," but a good size, 8 lbs., 9 oz, at 39 weeks.

I only measured 10-14 cm/weeks ahead with my third because I had severe polyhydramnios. I measured about 4 cm/weeks ahead consistently with my fourth, and had normal AFI and he was 9 lbs at 39w2d. This time I've been measuring 5 cm/weeks ahead since 23 weeks, which my midwife wasn't concerned about because it's a normal pattern for me and it's my 5th. I have a normal fluid level and my midwife suspected she was around 4 lbs at 30 weeks, which follows the pattern of my other kids' birth weight. I don't foresee her coming before 39 weeks, but I wouldn't be surprised if she's 9+ lbs by then.

ssebens · October 2014

Okay. Non labor related question!! So for those ladies that cloth diaper... Is it difficult to continue even with the best intentions? Was there one hurdle that you had to get over that really helped or was it just pure perseverance? Any tips?

I've bought a bunch of the bumgenius 4.0 pocket diapers. It's quite an investment but I'm worried that I'll hit a few bumps and give up. I'm normally pretty stubborn but with all the stress and changes of being first time parents I'm worried that this will be the thing I give up on. Any advice??

mgk207 · October 2014

ssebens said:

Okay. Non labor related question!! So for those ladies that cloth diaper... Is it difficult to continue even with the best intentions? Was there one hurdle that you had to get over that really helped or was it just pure perseverance? Any tips? I've bought a bunch of the bumgenius 4.0 pocket diapers. It's quite an investment but I'm worried that I'll hit a few bumps and give up. I'm normally pretty stubborn but with all the stress and changes of being first time parents I'm worried that this will be the thing I give up on. Any advice??

This may or may not be helpful, as I am a FTM, but my sister cloth diapers her girls, who are 20 months and 3 months old. Once you are set up for it, it seems like it's not really all that much different from using disposables, and when I have babysat for her, it's no problem for me (and I'm new to the whole thing). She uses liners that are disposable (most of the fecal matter goes into the trash with the liner), and makes her own wipes (also disposable). Her biggest tip was to make sure you have "wet bags" in your diaper bag for the soiled ones, when you're out somewhere. Oh, and make sure your washer and dryer don't break

bowlwoman · October 2014

sararhino said:

FTM here and this one may be kind of silly, but did any of you experience minor/major meltdowns before your LO arrived? If so what did you do to calm yourself? I'm talking like during the 3rd trimester "oh my gosh this is really happening" anxiety. For example- my third tri starts in two days and yesterday I layed on our nursery floor in silence for a good hour-hour and a half because I just felt like my head would explode from all of the impending pressure to be a good mom. I've gone from nesting to freaking out real quick.

I have PCOS, so my hormones are generally all over the place. That being said, pregnancy actually lines them out a bit, so I'm *less* cranky when pregnant. Go figure.

Now, right after birth, there is a massive hormone surge when your milk comes in. My LC told me about it when I went in for a consult. DD1 was 4 days old, and it was 2 AM before her first checkup once we came home. I freaked out because I couldn't feed her enough and she was going to be too small and they were going to take her away from me. Crying jag for almost an hour. The next morning, my milk came in. When I told the LC about it, she nodded and said that it was almost textbook, especially for FTMs. So, if you're breastfeeding (or even if you're not), that hormone surge is something to look for to indicate your milk is on its way.

Since subsequent pregnancies don't have as long of a milk delay, I had a smaller surge with DD2, just a day or so after her birth.

ninee88 · October 2014

Washing baby clothes: Do you really need a special baby detergent? Ok, I know you don't need it, but let me clarify...Should you? We use a free & clear detergent now because I'm allergic to so many scents. When washing baby clothes/blankets/sheets, is this ok, or should I really be trying to use something more "sensitive" for LO's laundry?

ninee88 · October 2014

Also, Pacifiers: Do you use them? Is it a big deal not to? I guess (and this may be a completely idiotic FTM thing) I don't see the need for them. But I'm wondering if this will be something where I regret not having it on hand at some point. Also, for those who don't use them, do you find your children become finger/thumb suckers? How difficult are either of these habits to break and at what age do you do it?

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colliebabe · October 2014

ninee88 said:

Also, Pacifiers: Do you use them? Is it a big deal not to? I guess (and this may be a completely idiotic FTM thing) I don't see the need for them. But I'm wondering if this will be something where I regret not having it on hand at some point. Also, for those who don't use them, do you find your children become finger/thumb suckers? How difficult are either of these habits to break and at what age do you do it?

I used one for DD and found it to be really helpful with the soothing/sleeping process. As soon as she could say the word "binky" we took it away because I knew it would only get harder to do from there. That was when she was a little over a year I think?

We will introduce a pacifier to this LO as well, not sure if he or she will take to it. (Also - for DD I found that it didn't interfere with BFing at all, which is what I had heard.)

abcmom12 · October 2014

ninee88 said:

Washing baby clothes: Do you really need a special baby detergent? Ok, I know you don't need it, but let me clarify...Should you? We use a free & clear detergent now because I'm allergic to so many scents. When washing baby clothes/blankets/sheets, is this ok, or should I really be trying to use something more "sensitive" for LO's laundry?

I use free & clear for my family and have for DD's stuff since she was born. In order to reduce exposure, I still wash all her items together and not mix with the rest but she's never had a reaction. It's basically the same detergent, they just charge more for putting a baby on it

abcmom12 · October 2014

ninee88 said:

Also, Pacifiers: Do you use them? Is it a big deal not to? I guess (and this may be a completely idiotic FTM thing) I don't see the need for them. But I'm wondering if this will be something where I regret not having it on hand at some point. Also, for those who don't use them, do you find your children become finger/thumb suckers? How difficult are either of these habits to break and at what age do you do it?

DD refused all binkies as I call them, and we're so glad she did. She isn't a thumb/finger sucker at all and sleeps with several loveys instead. She was the type who found comfort in having her hands by her face when she was small and that was enough for her. So we didn't have to suffer breaking her of the binkies!

AngelSong76 · October 2014

ninee88 said:

Washing baby clothes: Do you really need a special baby detergent? Ok, I know you don't need it, but let me clarify...Should you? We use a free & clear detergent now because I'm allergic to so many scents. When washing baby clothes/blankets/sheets, is this ok, or should I really be trying to use something more "sensitive" for LO's laundry?

We use free and clear and have since he was born. We do wash separately, because I use dryer sheets for our stuff and not for his. I'm not sure if dryer sheets are okay for most kids, but our little guy has eczema and just really sensitive skin overall and the dryer sheets seem to make it worse. The detergent has never been a factor, though.

You may also find that bar soap for sensitive skin works better than baby wash, especially if you have a baby with eczema or similar conditions. We ditched the baby wash at 3 months when the pediatric allergist told us to use Dove Unscented and haven't used anything else since. Except Aveeno baby shampoo for his hair, which smells delicious and doesn't cause any problems.

AngelSong76 · October 2014

ninee88 said:

Also, Pacifiers: Do you use them? Is it a big deal not to? I guess (and this may be a completely idiotic FTM thing) I don't see the need for them. But I'm wondering if this will be something where I regret not having it on hand at some point. Also, for those who don't use them, do you find your children become finger/thumb suckers? How difficult are either of these habits to break and at what age do you do it?

They gave him one in the hospital because we didn't say no. We were probably going to try them anyway, though so it was no big deal. He self-weaned just before his first birthday when he had a bad cold and couldn't breathe with the pacifier in his mouth and has never looked back. There were times when he was a baby when the pacifier saved our lives, especially in restaurants and church.

I've heard that weaning from pacifier is easier than fingers/thumb because you can take the paci away, but the fingers are always attached! Some of the ladies in my Oct 12 birth club are now trying to wean their 2-year-olds from the pacifier and it has been a little tough for them, but they are getting it. It seems like cold turkey has been the best way.

AllTheTeaInChina · October 2014

We used pacifiers. I was planning to wait to introduce because I was BF and was told it could interfere. Well, she was using me as a pacifier and I was raw and exhausted. I asked the nurse for one the first night so I could get some sleep. It had no impact on BF.

We got lucky and she gave it up on her own at 7mo.

Shortstack06 · October 2014

ninee88 said:
Also, Pacifiers: Do you use them? Is it a big deal not to? I guess (and this may be a completely idiotic FTM thing) I don't see the need for them. But I'm wondering if this will be something where I regret not having it on hand at some point. Also, for those who don't use them, do you find your children become finger/thumb suckers? How difficult are either of these habits to break and at what age do you do it?

I am a FTM and I really don't like seeing an older child with one, but I believe there is a thread on the board that lists a lot of pros for them that helped in my decision. I as a baby did not take one but if my child will, I am going to use them.

BabyByTim · October 2014

I am a FTM and I don't have a specific question necessarily because a lot has been answered or I've done my own research. Due to the insurance I currently have, I have found I am extremely limited in my options for choosing my doctor. Though the two docs at the practice are nice, they are not very informative. I will be 30 wks on friday and I feel as though ( besides what I have looked up on my own) I really know nothing about my options for birth type, what to expect, when I should begin to have things ready and so forth. If I do not ask questions they pretty much do my vitals, urine test, measure my growth and listen to LO heart rate before setting up my next appointment and sending me home. As I only have 10 weeks give or take I am beginning to get nervous.

After writing this I guess a question I have is, are there specific classes I can/should take with my DH to prepare and know what's coming?
Also is this normal behavior for docs or did I find the practice with lazy docs?

BabyByTim · October 2014

I do ask questions when I can think of them. My biggest concern is, what about the questions that should be answered but I don't know what to ask.
Maybe I'm just psyching myself out...

Also thanks I will definitely look into touring my hospital!

Eora3 · October 2014

@BabyByTim‌ unless you ask questions, your doctors don't know what you want to know. If you want to know what they would predict for your delivery experience, ask them! The doctors are there to keep you and baby healthy. They don't have time to educate each patient on all aspects of labor and delivery.

Your hospital will probably offer classes and tours of their facilities. You may also want to get a book or two if you want more details.

abcmom12 · October 2014

AngelSong76 said:

ninee88 said:

Washing baby clothes: Do you really need a special baby detergent? Ok, I know you don't need it, but let me clarify...Should you? We use a free & clear detergent now because I'm allergic to so many scents. When washing baby clothes/blankets/sheets, is this ok, or should I really be trying to use something more "sensitive" for LO's laundry?

We use free and clear and have since he was born. We do wash separately, because I use dryer sheets for our stuff and not for his. I'm not sure if dryer sheets are okay for most kids, but our little guy has eczema and just really sensitive skin overall and the dryer sheets seem to make it worse. The detergent has never been a factor, though.

You may also find that bar soap for sensitive skin works better than baby wash, especially if you have a baby with eczema or similar conditions. We ditched the baby wash at 3 months when the pediatric allergist told us to use Dove Unscented and haven't used anything else since. Except Aveeno baby shampoo for his hair, which smells delicious and doesn't cause any problems.

Have you tried even the free & clear dryer sheets? cost 2x as much as the ones with perfume, which I don't understand, but we've never had issues with them and DD also has childhood ezcema

ssebens · October 2014

@BabyByTim‌ I'm a first time mom so I definitely get where you are coming from with not being sure what questions even to ask. I definitely think hanging around the D14 board has helped me sooo much. There are things brought up here all the time that I would never even think of. I love it.

About your doctor's appointments, that is pretty much how mine have gone too. In and out really quickly. So I don't think it is your office, I just think that's pretty typical.

AllTheTeaInChina · October 2014

katehgee said:
During our childbirth class, the L&D nurse said they recommend using a pacifier just at night to reduce the risk of SIDS. DH was totally against it before we heard that, but now we're thinking maybe we will just at night. Has anyone else been told this?

Yes.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sudden-infant-death-syndrome/basics/prevention/con-20020269

turkeyleg5 · October 2014

@ssebens, a friend was planning on cloth diapering, but when I talked to her when her baby was about a month or two, she had completely given up. She was having lots of trouble with breastfeeding, thrush, and baby yeast infections, and it was all just too much. So she just decided to not worry about cloth diapering, and said she wasn't going to try again. The topic didn't come up again. Then, about a month ago, I was visiting her and saw that she was using cloth diapers. She said that once they got settled with everything else she gave them another shot and now she loves them. So, even if it doesn't work out at the beginning or there is just too much else to worry about, you can always give it a shot later, especially since the diapers you got are one size (if I'm remembering correctly).

@BabyByTim, I'm also a FTM and my OB is the same. It seemed weird to me, but I think it's normal. She did give me a month by month pregnancy book, though, so I've been reading that (in addition to what seems like a million other books, and posts on this board), and trying to take note of any questions I have.

smack427 · October 2014

ashtonkitty1 said:
I have a question! I just found out yesterday that I'm RH-. The nurses explained it to me sort of. Anyone here have experience with the Rhogam shot? I'm to get it Monday. A co-worker just told me that it really hurt and she needed help for the rest of the day. And then I guess they'll give it to me again during/after labor?

I'm RH- and I have had the shot twice now, (once in April, and then last week). The next one will be during labor. They administered in my R hip and it only hurt for a little while, and then it's a little sore. You won't need any help getting around.

turkeyleg5 · October 2014

Speaking of dryer sheets, has anyone used the wool dryer balls instead? I've heard that they work better than dryer sheets and are good for baby clothes and cloth diapers, plus shorten the drying time by a little bit. Are they worth the investment?

erien · October 2014

@ssebens I cloth diaper and didn't find any hurdles to being successful. I started when DS was 1 week old and all the visitors had left. I will admit, I wouldn't be doing it if we had to use a laundry mat. I don't know how those parents do it but there are plenty of them who do it successfully. I guess I'm not much help. I have heard people say that they tried but gave up and I just never found any part of the cloth diapering overwhelming. Pockets are great because they are a lot like regular diapers. No folding prefolds or reusing covers. And there's a cloth diaper board where you can find all sorts of tips and tricks for common issues - leaking, smelly diapers, overnight options, etc. Warning: Do a search before you ask any questions on that board because it's likely already been asked and answered:)

BayCamp · October 2014

ashtonkitty1 said:
I have a question! I just found out yesterday that I'm RH-. The nurses explained it to me sort of. Anyone here have experience with the Rhogam shot? I'm to get it Monday. A co-worker just told me that it really hurt and she needed help for the rest of the day. And then I guess they'll give it to me again during/after labor?

I got mine in my glute. The shot itself burns, but just for like 2 seconds. After that I hardly even felt bruised. I have gotten it twice, once at 16 weeks and again a few weeks ago. I used to get b12 shots weekly prior to getting pregnant and those stung way worse.

Shortstack06 · October 2014

Ironically, I was adopted but my Dad, 2 of my sisters, and I are all A+. My husband is O+.

hollieandaaron2012 · October 2014

Okay so since I am now a little freaked out about the recovery is it going to be difficult for me to walk my dog when I get home? He is 70 # and pulls. We don't have a big yard so he is walked atleast twice a day now. Of course DH can do this but if I am home all day I will feel guilty if he doesn't get a walk.

AllTheTeaInChina · October 2014

hollieandaaron2012 said:
Okay so since I am now a little freaked out about the recovery is it going to be difficult for me to walk my dog when I get home? He is 70 # and pulls. We don't have a big yard so he is walked atleast twice a day now. Of course DH can do this but if I am home all day I will feel guilty if he doesn't get a walk.

I'd take it easy the first couple weeks. Overdoing it will make you bleed heavier. How will you walk with the baby? A stroller might be hard to push with a large dog pulling you.

Eora3 · October 2014

hollieandaaron2012 said:
Okay so since I am now a little freaked out about the recovery is it going to be difficult for me to walk my dog when I get home? He is 70 # and pulls. We don't have a big yard so he is walked atleast twice a day now. Of course DH can do this but if I am home all day I will feel guilty if he doesn't get a walk.

Nope. Just no. Follow your doctor's orders and do not strain yourself. I can't imagine you are going to feel up for it any way but if you get tempted to ignore your doctor's recommendation Google "prolapsed uterus". Thet is what you are risking ( plus torn stitches, hemorrhage, infection, etc).

smack427 · October 2014

Did any STM(+) have a hard time establishing a routine with your H when you brought your NB home? A friend of mine was mentioning that she ended up snapping at her H because she was tired, crabby, etc and he just wanted to help. And it was more of a "mommy and baby bonding time." Any ways to make sure he doesn't feel left out? Or do you even care at that point? I am just trying to make sure MH feels like he is part of it and he doesn't get left out too much.

leoandethansmom · October 2014

@MJLovey‌ I had a very hard time bf my son. He didn't want to work for the food and we didn't get a good latch until 2 and a half weeks. I was dead set on bf so I woke him up every two hours to feed and when he wouldn't latch I would then pump both breasts to make sure my milk came in and established a supply. He finally ended up latching but if I hadn't started pumping I'm sure my milk would have dried up.

abcmom12 · October 2014

Yea, if baby is having difficulty latching, you WANT to pump to stimulate milk supply. They also reccomend you do it after a feeding if your supply is low to stimulate increased milk production.

soulcupcake · October 2014

@MJLovey

I know moms that EP'd (exclusively pumped) either because they needed to return to work or had difficulties with breastfeeding. I pretty much EP'd with my youngest due to issues related to his posterior and anterior tongue ties. We struggled from the very beginning. He was unable to transfer milk, and this meant that I was unable to establish a supply. So I had to start pumping full time at five days postpartum. I ended up renting a hospital grade pump at the 2-3 week mark.

We had a lot of hurdles to work through, and it was completely exhausting for months. I had a love/hate relationship with pumping. I had oversupply once I was able to establish my supply with frequent pumping and galactagogues, but my right breast had a dysfunctional letdown. It had the supply, but took forever (15+ minutes) before it would let down milk. So that meant having to be on the pump for 40+ minutes to get what I needed, and I could only get it when using the highest setting. And that meant incredibly sore and bruised nipples. I can't remember how many times I broke down crying, and it made my PPD worse, but he was growing so well, putting on lots of weight, so I kept going.

I pumped for about 5.5 months before he was able to return to the breast full time. I weaned the one side, so he was a one side nurser until he weaned at 21 months.

I don't mind pumping for specific occasions or times, but pumping long term is a lot of work for many moms. If I didn't struggle with the letdown issues it wouldn't have been so exhausting and frustrating, though.

Cryssteen · October 2014

hollieandaaron2012 said:

Okay so since I am now a little freaked out about the recovery is it going to be difficult for me to walk my dog when I get home? He is 70 # and pulls. We don't have a big yard so he is walked atleast twice a day now. Of course DH can do this but if I am home all day I will feel guilty if he doesn't get a walk.

@hollieandaaron2012 - I have two pullers who are 50 and 60lbs. I just gated up my yard, and plan to let them out the back door to pee/poop/run. I can't fathom actually walking them after delivering.. besides that, I'll have a baby in the house in December, so I'll either have to bundle the baby up or what? Leave him/her in the house? Not gonna work either way. So, run free my little monsters. Daddy can pick up your poop when he's home from work.

Manateearmz · October 2014

@aeonlux‌ I EP'd as well. It was the hardest part of having a NB. My day went like this:

Wake up
Pump
Feed baby
Change diaper
Rock baby
Pump
(Repeat x 7)

If I have issues again I'm going straight to formula. Nothing to me is worth missing hours of my day strapped to a machine.

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