Newbie/FTM questions?

soulcupcake

SLC1102 said:

So here's my question- did most of you have deliveries similar to your mothers?  I'm like a little clone of my mother (in every way).  She had 2 easy pregnancies- so far I'm having a very easy pregnancy.  She, however, was in labor for 36 hours before she ended up having a c-section (was also 2 weeks late), so this kind of terrifies me.  Part of me is like "let's skip the whole 36 hours of labor and go right to the c-section" but I know that's not really possible.

I think it can vary a lot. My mom had a very quick, 3 hour, med-free birth with me. She didn't have much of a second stage. I basically shot out. She had a c-section at 38 weeks with my sister due to IUGR and breech presentation.

My longest labor, my first, was also 3 hours. I only pushed a couple times inside of a few minutes and she was out. All 9 lbs. I was told I could end up pushing for 2+ hours as a FTM, especially since she was expected to be LGA.

My second "labor" was 47 minutes, and she descended and was born very rapidly. I grunted twice (very small pushes to avoid more tearing), and she was out. Her nose was bruised and eyes were blood shot from the rapid birth, just like mine were. She was 8 lbs., 9 oz.

I was in active labor for about 1 hour 40 minutes with my third. It likely would have been shorter if not for the severe polyhydramnios causing uterine overdistension and it taking a while for contractions to become regular. No pushing. He slid out with a gush of fluid, but I had him at 35 weeks, so I didn't expect to have to push at all.

I didn't labor at all with my fourth. From the time I began contracting, like "This is it. These are intense!" (which at the time I only had two contractions, but they were the "he's coming NOW" contractions) was literally one minute. There was no labor to speak of, and absolutely no pushing. He shot out like a rocket, and he was 9 lbs, too.

However, with #1 and #2 I didn't start labor until 7+ cm, so that has a lot to do with the quick births, and I was 6 cm just before the birth of #4, and 5 cm when labor started with #3. It's normal for me to walk around at 5-6+ cm and then begin labor or spontaneously deliver a baby. 

Shortstack06

So this may be depressing and I apologize if no one wants to answer. I had a miscarriage 6 years ago at 8w6d. I didn't realize what it was until day 7 of what I thought was my period(I was 21 and still had something similar to a period between) but my doctor said I could let it go naturally or a d&c. I did naturally, has anyone experienced this and were the cramps/contractions similar to labor with a full size baby(I am assuming more intense) but some of them were pretty brutal.

PacoCat33

I have a question that is probably super stupid...so don't judge me...anyways, I know you can't (shouldn't) have sex until six weeks after...but what about, eh, manual stimulation?

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Eora3

PacoCat33 said:

I have a question that is probably super stupid...so don't judge me...anyways, I know you can't (shouldn't) have sex until six weeks after...but what about, eh, manual stimulation?

Unless you have an S&M fetish, I can't imagine really wanting to have an orgasm before 6 weeks. Maybe it was just me, but my uterus was doing enough random contracting with all the after-pains (mini-contractions). I was so sore and swollen and still felt gross from all the bleeding and discharge.

I would talk to your OB, but I can't imagine it is really a good idea. Let your parts heal before you start messing with things.

MaineMama

Shortstack06 said:

So this may be depressing and I apologize if no one wants to answer. I had a miscarriage 6 years ago at 8w6d. I didn't realize what it was until day 7 of what I thought was my period(I was 21 and still had something similar to a period between) but my doctor said I could let it go naturally or a d&c. I did naturally, has anyone experienced this and were the cramps/contractions similar to labor with a full size baby(I am assuming more intense) but some of them were pretty brutal.

I'm sorry for your loss. When I lost my daughter last year it was very similar to labor. I was 16weeks. As for delivery, I've never delivered vaginally, so I don't know about that. Also the PP bleeding was the same for my loss and all my kids.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Manateearmz

PacoCat33 said:

I have a question that is probably super stupid...so don't judge me...anyways, I know you can't (shouldn't) have sex until six weeks after...but what about, eh, manual stimulation?

I do not know the answer to this because I did not ask.

Bleeding, swollen vagina, and stitches aside your hormones are going to be out of control. You'll be exhausted, crying and covered in infant poop. Sex is probably the last thing you'll want to do for a very long time.

Manateearmz

@marsavary‌ labor is different for everyone. So this answer will vary for a lot of people. My experience was mix. I had terrible back labor for about 4 hours, I experienced all the pain I thought it would be and then some. Then I got my epidural, napped watched some tv, texted my friends.

soulcupcake

@marsavary

It's very much subjective, so you'll get a variety of experiences and responses. I didn't go in with many expectations with my first. I knew what counted as "average" or what fell into a normal range, as far as length of labor and duration of second stage, but I wasn't sure what to expect. I prepared for a longish second stage since I was told that pushing for 1-2+ hours is common for FTMs. A lot of wives in my ex-husband's unit (former military) shared their experiences.

But in the end, my experiences were much easier than I expected prior to having kids.

Cheekers2010

Shortstack06 said:

So this may be depressing and I apologize if no one wants to answer. I had a miscarriage 6 years ago at 8w6d. I didn't realize what it was until day 7 of what I thought was my period(I was 21 and still had something similar to a period between) but my doctor said I could let it go naturally or a d&c. I did naturally, has anyone experienced this and were the cramps/contractions similar to labor with a full size baby(I am assuming more intense) but some of them were pretty brutal.

Good question. I had a mc at 9 weeks last winter so similar gestational age. For me there was no comparison. The miscarriage was painful absolutely and I took ibuprofen to deal with it but I could handle it just fine. Labor (I had back labor exclusively) was unbearable. I really think it was because of the back labor, though. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. That's why I'm doing everything I can to have a properly positioned baby this time around.

kutenpretti

katehgee said:

What's worse: the delivery or the recovery? I'm hoping for a vaginal delivery with an epidural.

RECOVERY! I didn't breastfeed with my older two....and oh Em gee! my boobs hurt so freakin bad I was ready 2 cut them off! also the "invisible" stitches itch so bad down there I felt like I wanted 2 scratch it off!

AllTheTeaInChina

taylojade57 said:

For people who weren't induced last time... How long after your water broke/ you went into labor did you go to the hospital?

Mine never broke. I went to the hospital after 6.5hr of labor. After another 6hr, the sac was bulging and DD was stuck not able to fully descend. Nurse asked if I wanted the dr to come break it. DD was born about an hr after that. First contraction was 9:56pm, DD was born 11:25am.

kutenpretti

Shortstack06 said:

So this may be depressing and I apologize if no one wants to answer. I had a miscarriage 6 years ago at 8w6d. I didn't realize what it was until day 7 of what I thought was my period(I was 21 and still had something similar to a period between) but my doctor said I could let it go naturally or a d&c. I did naturally, has anyone experienced this and were the cramps/contractions similar to labor with a full size baby(I am assuming more intense) but some of them were pretty brutal.

I have 2 older kids....I also had a miscarriage. ...shy of 4 months....I had the d&c but the miscarriage itself was probably worse then actual labor. The contractions were so freakin intense and the only pain meds were tylenol!

JRod13

marsavary said:

Well, I have a love/hate relationship with this thread. I can't decide if ignorance is bliss ie not. I'm terrified of all of it. I wake up at night thinking about it. It's a bit ridiculous really.

STM 's, essentially was labour easier or harder then you were expecting?

Honestly, the L&D part was a lot easier than I expected, but I got my epidural pretty early on. The process took forEVER, but all in all, it was easier than I had anticipated. I'm sure this varies person to person.

AllTheTeaInChina

marsavary said:

Well, I have a love/hate relationship with this thread. I can't decide if ignorance is bliss ie not. I'm terrified of all of it. I wake up at night thinking about it. It's a bit ridiculous really.

STM 's, essentially was labour easier or harder then you were expecting?

For me it was easier. I went drug-free and read lots of stories on the natural birth board. I think I was prepared for extreme pain but my labor failed to live up to the hype. I did have back labor, even that wasn't as bad as I expected.

ambernjj

Shortstack06 said:

So this may be depressing and I apologize if no one wants to answer. I had a miscarriage 6 years ago at 8w6d. I didn't realize what it was until day 7 of what I thought was my period(I was 21 and still had something similar to a period between) but my doctor said I could let it go naturally or a d&c. I did naturally, has anyone experienced this and were the cramps/contractions similar to labor with a full size baby(I am assuming more intense) but some of them were pretty brutal.

I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks and the cramping was like the beginning of actual labor for me....However, all my labors were started with pitocin.

haloform

Thanks for this thread and all the candid answers to us FTMs' questions!  It's quite a reality check but really helpful.

My question - I used to have incredibly terrible menstrual cramps - basically I could feel my uterus cramping up violently, I would feel it in my back too and radiating down into my legs. I'd get really nauseous and sweaty and shaky. Basically the pain was so intense I would lie on the floor or the bed and cry from the pain and the intense feeling that almost felt like needing to push something out. I've always kind of imagined that labor will feel similarly.  Am I way off base?

smack427

Sorry, I'm really late to this one, I have been super busy today and I'm finally sitting down... But this thread is a great idea. I definitely teared up @leosmom25‌ 's comment about meeting the baby for the first time. That's exactly how I imagine it to be. I can't wait to find out what this "new baby smell" is like, too!

My question is about PP depression. I know some people that have struggled with it for a long time after their child was born (a year or more). I have done some research but being a FTM I feel like I don't know enough about it. I know this is a personal question and if you don't want to respond I understand 100%. But if you don't mind-Did you have it? And what do you recommend to help prevent it?

ambernjj

katehgee said:

Thanks so much for educating us FTMs, ladies. This is very helpful.

For those of you who had epidurals, what was that experience like? The L&D nurse who taught our childbirth class explained it to us, and it seemed like there's a lot of stuff going on during the placement of the epidural. Do you even give a shit at that point?

Every one of my pregnancies I swear this one will be the one I go without an epidural. This is my fourth baby and have had an epidural with all three of the previous deliveries. I have made it as far as 7 cm dilated before I give in. By then I was in so much pain I just didn't give a shit what they did, as long as the pain ended. Lol All of my labors were started with pitocin. So I don't know if that makes a difference or not. I will also say the worse part of the epidural for me was curving my spine and holding still like that while they placed it.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

kimba1976

Manateearmz said:

I have a question that is probably super stupid...so don't judge me...anyways, I know you can't (shouldn't) have sex until six weeks after...but what about, eh, manual stimulation?

I do not know the answer to this because I did not ask. Bleeding, swollen vagina, and stitches aside your hormones are going to be out of control. You'll be exhausted, crying and covered in infant poop. Sex is probably the last thing you'll want to do for a very long time.

******QBF*****

Yes, what Manatee said!

Sex will be the absolute last thing on your mind. For weeks. Many weeks. You'll be in total survival mode between the crazy ass hormones, total exhaustion, physical pain, and endless laundry. 

The first 3 weeks after giving birth to my daughter were the most physically and emotionally difficult of my life. I swore many times over that I was never going to have another child. I cried A LOT. I needed help with depression. I needed multiple blood transfusions and developed some other unpleasant complications. Nothing makes you realize what you are capable of until you go through something like that. However, I would go through it all again and ten times over for my daughter. 

FTMs - you have no idea the joy and happiness you have ahead of you. That's why despite my own rather traumatic experience, I'm not worried or nervous about going through it again. Because you heal, you get the hang of being a mom, and then the fun begins and it's AWESOME.

smack427

amw0914 said:

katehgee said:

Thanks so much for educating us FTMs, ladies. This is very helpful.

For those of you who had epidurals, what was that experience like? The L&D nurse who taught our childbirth class explained it to us, and it seemed like there's a lot of stuff going on during the placement of the epidural. Do you even give a shit at that point?

Honestly the worst part was having to hold completely still during a contraction while they were putting it in. I had one with dd1 and it was fabulous. Dd2 didn't cooperate but as long as this kid does I will have another

She didn't cooperate-as in you couldn't stay still long enough or she came before it could be administered? My cousin's first one wouldn't take and her second one was a breeze.

jennielee123

katehgee said:

Thanks so much for educating us FTMs, ladies. This is very helpful. For those of you who had epidurals, what was that experience like? The L&D nurse who taught our childbirth class explained it to us, and it seemed like there's a lot of stuff going on during the placement of the epidural. Do you even give a shit at that point?

By the time I got my epidural, I was in so much pain I didn't even feel it.

PacoCat33

Thanks for your answers! And thank you for starting this thread. It is great!!

beachy6

haloform said:

Thanks for this thread and all the candid answers to us FTMs' questions!  It's quite a reality check but really helpful.

My question - I used to have incredibly terrible menstrual cramps - basically I could feel my uterus cramping up violently, I would feel it in my back too and radiating down into my legs. I'd get really nauseous and sweaty and shaky. Basically the pain was so intense I would lie on the floor or the bed and cry from the pain and the intense feeling that almost felt like needing to push something out. I've always kind of imagined that labor will feel similarly.  Am I way off base?

I have stage 3 endo which comes along with the type of cramps that you are explaining. Often, I have to take vicodin to help with pain from cramps. Contractions are nothing like cramps. First, they feel different, more intense (not even vicodin will help), but they come and go at intervals, so you know it will end. With cramps, they're just there all the time (if you're like me) and there is no break. So, no, cramps are not even close to the intensity of contractions, but they come and go and give you a small break. But, don't be scared of labor. Your body will take your mind to somewhere else where you aren't really thinking straight and you'll be able to handle it much better than you think you will. You'll surprise yourself!

Shortstack06

Thank you ladies, I am sorry for your losses and appreciate the responses! I at least have an idea of the difference and will have a better idea of the beginning of labor. Although I have to admit, it still scares the shit out of me on a pain level.

Manateearmz

smack427 said:

Sorry, I'm really late to this one, I have been super busy today and I'm finally sitting down... But this thread is a great idea. I definitely teared up @leosmom25‌ 's comment about meeting the baby for the first time. That's exactly how I imagine it to be. I can't wait to find out what this "new baby smell" is like, too!

My question is about PP depression. I know some people that have struggled with it for a long time after their child was born (a year or more). I have done some research but being a FTM I feel like I don't know enough about it. I know this is a personal question and if you don't want to respond I understand 100%. But if you don't mind-Did you have it? And what do you recommend to help prevent it?

Great question! I did not have PPD, but I had PPA (anxiety). I've heard capsulating your placenta helps with ppd. I would strongly recommend keeping open conversations with your partner and OB post delivery and do not feel ashamed to tell others how you're feeling.

Shortstack06

@PugLife5869‌ thank you and sorry for your losses, I actually went to the hospital initially for the pain and found out about it there because midol and Tylenol just weren't helping at all. I can imagine physically you don't dilate as much with an early MC, but emotionally I have no experience in L&D yet but I don't think I would try to compare them on that end.

Manateearmz

Very early labor contractions felt like severe period cramps for me. That level lasted for a few hours, while I was at home watching tv denying that I was in labor. Then shit got real, real contractions take every ounce of concentration you have to get through, and you typically can't even speak during them.

Eora3

Manateearmz said:

smack427 said:

Sorry, I'm really late to this one, I have been super busy today and I'm finally sitting down... But this thread is a great idea. I definitely teared up @leosmom25‌ 's comment about meeting the baby for the first time. That's exactly how I imagine it to be. I can't wait to find out what this "new baby smell" is like, too!

My question is about PP depression. I know some people that have struggled with it for a long time after their child was born (a year or more). I have done some research but being a FTM I feel like I don't know enough about it. I know this is a personal question and if you don't want to respond I understand 100%. But if you don't mind-Did you have it? And what do you recommend to help prevent it?

Great question! I did not have PPD, but I had PPA (anxiety). I've heard capsulating your placenta helps with ppd. I would strongly recommend keeping open conversations with your partner and OB post delivery and do not feel ashamed to tell others how you're feeling.

I had PPA as well. You can't prevent it or predict how your unique brain chemistry will respond to the hormone levels dropping so dramatically. Don't hide it if you are feeling out of control. Ask for help and keep asking until you feel better. Talk to your support people about how you are feeling and check in with your OB's office.

JRod13

Eora3 said:

Manateearmz said:

smack427 said:

Sorry, I'm really late to this one, I have been super busy today and I'm finally sitting down... But this thread is a great idea. I definitely teared up @leosmom25‌ 's comment about meeting the baby for the first time. That's exactly how I imagine it to be. I can't wait to find out what this "new baby smell" is like, too!

My question is about PP depression. I know some people that have struggled with it for a long time after their child was born (a year or more). I have done some research but being a FTM I feel like I don't know enough about it. I know this is a personal question and if you don't want to respond I understand 100%. But if you don't mind-Did you have it? And what do you recommend to help prevent it?

Great question! I did not have PPD, but I had PPA (anxiety). I've heard capsulating your placenta helps with ppd. I would strongly recommend keeping open conversations with your partner and OB post delivery and do not feel ashamed to tell others how you're feeling.

I had PPA as well. You can't prevent it or predict how your unique brain chemistry will respond to the hormone levels dropping so dramatically. Don't hide it if you are feeling out of control. Ask for help and keep asking until you feel better. Talk to your support people about how you are feeling and check in with your OB's office.

I had PPD and suffered with that shit because I was too embarrassed to say anything to anyone or admit it to myself. You'll know if something isn't right- it will be debilitating. There's not anything you can do to prevent it. Just know the warning signs and know that you'll be a miserable shell of a person if you can't nut up and get the help you need.

QueenOfSpades622

So i've seen plenty of list about what to have in your hospital bag and what not so I think I have that figured out. Reading this thread though has made me realize I do not know the kind of things I need to have ready when I get home for myself. Example the padsicles. Anything you ladies suggest so I'm not sending DH to the store everyday. 

nesenotes

Nvm

Annya26

STM, but still learning from this. Love the pad recipe and suggestions for witch hazel and all of that. I didn't do those last time and wish I had known.

Someone said that after the baby comes out you forget all of the pain, or stop feeling it. I did not. I was shaking from head to toe and felt traumatized by te delivery. I asked someone else to hold him while they stitched me because I needed to focus on not panicking that someone was touching me there while it hurt that much. (And keep myself for kicking her in the face) Hopefully this isn't the case for all of you, but just in case - know that it happens and doesn't make you awful.

Recovery was worse. Labour was fast. 8.5 cms and doing dishes when the midwife arrived. I pushed for almost 2 hours before getting and emergency (read: massive) episiotomy and he finally came out. No meds, and there are times when I wanted to bed for a c section and did beg to go home because I didn't want to do anymore.

Recovery was hell. When the swelling went down the incision didn't stay straight, leaving the tissues that should be inside exposed. It was the most painful thing I have experienced and all they could say was that unfortunately I just had to wait for the nerves to die. At 6 weeks I was not healed. At 7 it still hurt, and when I finally started having sex again I tore (just a tiny bit) in the spot that was "crooked" every single time. Likely if I weren't having another I would have been sent for a revision. Hopefully that spot will tear and re heal on it's own this time. Don't sit cross legged if you have stitches. Avoid stairs. Keep your legs together - all of this will aid in keeping everything "straight" and healing properly.

Post partum pooping was also horrid. Sigh. I am not looking forward to that. Take your stool softeners ladies. It took days and hours of trying. Everything hurt so much down there so pushing is agony. About 3-4 weeks in I got stopped up and blew my stitches trying to poop. Not pretty.

Bleeding was not that bad. A few clots, like a really heavy period, but it stopped after a week or so and was just light bleeding and then intermittent bleeding for about a month.

For single moms or anyone on their own - line SOMEONE up to help. Parents, siblings, a good friend. Most likely you will want company, and help with things like cooking and laundry. You WILL get through it, take it one day at a time and try not to have any expectations for your first few weeks. You don't need to be the worlds best mom, just survive. There is plenty of time for reading, singing and Pinterest crap later

So obviously that all sounds horrific and scary (sorry) but obviously not everyone will have that experience. And I'm willing to do it again - being a mom is THAT amazing. I could just look at him and burst into tears, I love him that much. It is worth it!

turkeyleg5

Regarding PPD: I’m a FTM, so I haven’t had to deal with that specifically yet, but I have suffered from severe depression in the past.  This supposedly makes it more likely that you’ll have PPD, and even if that weren’t the case, I am absolutely terrified of it because I know just how horrible it was.

While I agree that it is important to be honest with yourself and those around you, and to ask for help, I know that in my case, when I am depressed,  I just can’t do that.  Or I just don’t do it.  It’s not always that easy when you’re right in the middle of it.  So DH and I (and my mom) are trying to prepare as much as possible ahead of time.  He’s learning about the warning signs, and I’m making up a list of ways he might be able to help and of phone numbers for him to call if he’s concerned (my mom – who’s been through this with me before, my OB – with whom I’ve been discussing my concerns, the PPD hotline, a few therapists/psychologists to call to see if they’re taking new patients and can fit me in, a postpartum doula, etc.) 

We’re trying not to worry about it too much, but be as prepared as possible.  Looking forward to hearing other people’s suggestions, and love this thread.

amieeyoung

Eora3 said:

What's the first PP poop like? Is it as scary as people make it out to be? Bloody? Painful? 

I had c-sections so my experience may be different from a vaginal birth, but the first poop after my first baby was scary!! None of my muscles felt like they were working and I felt like my incision was going to pop open. All the pain meds had seriously constipated me and it took some serious effort to move things along (even after taking the stool softeners!).

I had a c section as well (after hours of pushing- vacuum assisted so lady bits were nice and swollen as well) and that first one was gosh awful... I think having a c section makes it worse b/c of the incision... trust me take the stool softeners- it only mildly helped me, but I'm hoping for a vaginal delivery this time so it might be different IDK? Actually the first week of poops were not so good for me...

amieeyoung

nesenotes said:

@MissChristineMarie‌ I had a C-sec and tampons were still a no no. Nothing in the vagina for 6 weeks. (Although I know a lot of people break that rule to have sex but that's a whole other conversation)

FYI peeps not a good plan- this will be TMI (I know it felt that way to me) but my grandparents didn't hold to that rule and my grandma almost hemorrhaged to death, there is a reason they say to wait. This is what they told me right before I had my son... and I was like...ummm thanks for that info... lol

amieeyoung

twolittledogs said:

Manateearmz said:

Eora3 said:

What's the first PP poop like? Is it as scary as people make it out to be? Bloody? Painful? 

I had c-sections so my experience may be different from a vaginal birth, but the first poop after my first baby was scary!! None of my muscles felt like they were working and I felt like my incision was going to pop open. All the pain meds had seriously constipated me and it took some serious effort to move things along (even after taking the stool softeners!).

I had a vaginal and had to hold on to the grab bars to poop because it was so painful. Every nurse who checked on me was all "Oh my, you're really swollen."

Also, don't look at your crotch any time after delivery. Just don't.

Ice diapers = heaven to your lady bits. I cried when they stopped bringing them.

ha, they kept bringing them to me and told me to continue at home. DD was pretty big with a big head, IDK if that made a difference in my swelling.

I think I am going to make those padsicles (vom) this time.

padsicles were amazing- I ended up with a c section but pushed for 2 hours and tried the vacuum (I don't recommend it by the way) and trust me swollen ummm was not a word. I literally looked down there a few days later and about had a panic attack. I called my mom later sobbing that it would never go back... yeah not my finest moment... but padsicles really helped with the swelling

Manateearmz

gradschoolmom1234 said:

Okay I've got a dumb one. I know in the weeks leading up to labor/delivery, a lot of times doctors will start performing cervical checks. What the hell are cervical checks? I mean, I know what they are in theory - they want to see if your cervix has shortened and softened - but what do they entail? Is it similar to getting an internal exam like before pregnancy? Do they hurt? 

They just stick their fingers up there to check for dilation or thinning. Typically start around 37ish weeks. I didn't find those to be painful.

Sweeping membranes however....holy shitballs. That hurts. They essentially take their fingers and "stretch" your cervix open. Giving your body a little jump start to labor. I got this done a little around 38 weeks. DD was born at 39.