Very interesting. I won't bend or change my mind. I think it is rude when people are not cognizant are are inconsiderate to others. That includes letting your child wail for prolonged periods of time without trying to do something. Ok, so I judged. Yes, I judged because it was something that I found annoying. And yes, I am sure that people find things I do annoying too. It happens. It wasn't like I told the lady she was a bad mom. It wasn't like I told her to quiet her child. (Neither of which I believe). I simply came on here to rant about it because it was something that annoyed me. Agree or disagree. It's fine. I will still get annoyed in the future when it happens. I don't need to get over myself, and I don't need to stay at home. It was just a rant.
Then it's your problem to deal with. You have no idea what lead up to the moment when the parent just passed the Iphone. No idea. The parent with the screaming child is not obligated to leave because it offends your sensibilities.
You really do need to get over yourself a little bit, whether you're willing to accept it or not.
@ghostof5letters - I never said she mentioned the kid running around. I was pointing out that ways in which my siblings and I were expected to behave at restaurants. @BookitBoo - I don't have children. I don't need a child to know how I will handle my future one screaming in public. He or she will be promptly removed to a private place and calmed down. I realize every parent is different and each has their own way of dealing with their children. What seems right to me may not be right for another parent and that's ok.
@ghostof5letters - I never said she mentioned the kid running around. I was pointing out that ways in which my siblings and I were expected to behave at restaurants. @BookitBoo - I don't have children. I don't need a child to know how I will handle my future one screaming in public. He or she will be promptly removed to a private place and calmed down. I realize every parent is different and each has their own way of dealing with their children. What seems right to me may not be right for another parent and that's ok.
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@ghostof5letters - I never said she mentioned the kid running around. I was pointing out that ways in which my siblings and I were expected to behave at restaurants. @BookitBoo - I don't have children. I don't need a child to know how I will handle my future one screaming in public. He or she will be promptly removed to a private place and calmed down. I realize every parent is different and each has their own way of dealing with their children. What seems right to me may not be right for another parent and that's ok.
Bahahahaha. It's amazing how the best parents are people without kids.
@ghostof5letters - I never said she mentioned the kid running around. I was pointing out that ways in which my siblings and I were expected to behave at restaurants. @BookitBoo - I don't have children. I don't need a child to know how I will handle my future one screaming in public. He or she will be promptly removed to a private place and calmed down. I realize every parent is different and each has their own way of dealing with their children. What seems right to me may not be right for another parent and that's ok.
FALSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't contain my laughter.
@ghostof5letters - I never said she mentioned the kid running around. I was pointing out that ways in which my siblings and I were expected to behave at restaurants. @BookitBoo - I don't have children. I don't need a child to know how I will handle my future one screaming in public. He or she will be promptly removed to a private place and calmed down. I realize every parent is different and each has their own way of dealing with their children. What seems right to me may not be right for another parent and that's ok.
Oh honey, I was a perfect parent before I had kids too.
@ghostof5letters - I never said she mentioned the kid running around. I was pointing out that ways in which my siblings and I were expected to behave at restaurants. @BookitBoo - I don't have children. I don't need a child to know how I will handle my future one screaming in public. He or she will be promptly removed to a private place and calmed down. I realize every parent is different and each has their own way of dealing with their children. What seems right to me may not be right for another parent and that's ok.
@ghostof5letters - I never said she mentioned the kid running around. I was pointing out that ways in which my siblings and I were expected to behave at restaurants. @BookitBoo - I don't have children. I don't need a child to know how I will handle my future one screaming in public. He or she will be promptly removed to a private place and calmed down. I realize every parent is different and each has their own way of dealing with their children. What seems right to me may not be right for another parent and that's ok.
LOL
Just you wait hunty child. Just you wait.
There is nothing more humbling than parenthood. So I'd take the next ~9 months and practice avoiding the phrase 'never will I ever' or any equivalent.
@ghostof5letters - I never said she mentioned the kid running around. I was pointing out that ways in which my siblings and I were expected to behave at restaurants. @BookitBoo - I don't have children. I don't need a child to know how I will handle my future one screaming in public. He or she will be promptly removed to a private place and calmed down. I realize every parent is different and each has their own way of dealing with their children. What seems right to me may not be right for another parent and that's ok.
@ghostof5letters - I never said she mentioned the kid running around. I was pointing out that ways in which my siblings and I were expected to behave at restaurants. @BookitBoo - I don't have children. I don't need a child to know how I will handle my future one screaming in public. He or she will be promptly removed to a private place and calmed down. I realize every parent is different and each has their own way of dealing with their children. What seems right to me may not be right for another parent and that's ok.
Statements like this are really tricky. I remember saying, when I was childless, "when I have a child, I will . . ." only to find out that things don't always play out the way you plan them. Just be careful with statements like this. Not only do you know not of what you speak, but you're also running the risk of offending a lot of moms here who do their best and don't like being looked down upon by someone with no experience.
1/2015 November Siggy Challenge - Thanksgiving Fails
Yes because the answer is to "simply soothe" the kid and he/she will certainly stop, otherwise you're a shitty parent. Easy as pie. For every toddler. And don't dare use an electronic device because again...shitty parent.
Guess what... my difficult toddler with 50000 volts of constant energy laughs in your face. Most the time he's perfectly good in restaurants but you know what, he has his moments like all kids and it can be unpredictible... and we do our best to deal... but we still get the stink eye and can't win by judgy people who have no clue what it's like to parent my child.
Sometimes trying to intervene with the usual soothing tactics exacerbates it and makes it worse, sometimes the electronic device is the only thing that works, sometimes Jupiter aligns with our moon strangely and the kid flips a switch for no reason, sometimes you've had a long fucking day and you're burnt the hell out so your "perfect parenting" mode is broken.....sometimes you just CAN'T control your child for 10 of your precious minutes.... a million different scenarios, and you have no clue. Ultimate moral of the story, get over it and I guess just be glad it's not you.
Judging is pointless because it's not your kid, not your situation, and you have no clue what has gone on in that family's life that day. Judging other people's parenting in general (unless it's an obvious straight up danger to the child) is always a fucked up thing to do. We're all just doing our best and the last thing we need is to worry about Mommy Wars.
Should kids be in fancier adult restaurants? No. Should the parent remove the kid if they're acting up in excess? Yes. I personally have not encountered a scenario where a kid is straight up screaming for 10 minutes without a parent taking them out.... color me shocked if that actually happens because I've never seen it. Not sure if I'm buying it. If so though...well, it will probably be a rare annoyance in your life and you should be able to move on unscathed.... it's not something to paint a wide brush over as if there's a whole bunch of us "shitty" parents out there.
Ultimately...If you're going to a family restaurant you're going to encounter families...all different kinds, with all different needs and temperaments. Suck it up or you're welcome to stay home with takeout.
@BookitBoo - I don't have children. I don't need a child to know how I will handle my future one screaming in public. He or she will be promptly removed to a private place and calmed down. I realize every parent is different and each has their own way of dealing with their children. What seems right to me may not be right for another parent and that's ok.
---------------------------------------
Hahahaha. I will tell you with 100% certainty that you have to have a kid to know how you will handle a screaming one in public.
@motherboy - "What seems right to me may not be right for another parent and that's ok."
Did you not read my last sentence or did you choose to ignore it? Did I say I would be a better parent? NO! I even pointed out that my parenting style may not be ok for/work for another parent!! We are all different people with different opinions! I'm sure I will allow my child to do something or act a certain way that others won't agree with, and again THAT'S OK!
@hollywooeb - Your parenting style may not even be ok for your child. Which is why statements like "I don't have kids yet, but when I do, I know it will be like . . . " don't tend to go over well here.
1/2015 November Siggy Challenge - Thanksgiving Fails
@motherboy - "What seems right to me may not be right for another parent and that's ok."
Did you not read my last sentence or did you choose to ignore it? Did I say I would be a better parent? NO! I even pointed out that my parenting style may not be ok for/work for another parent!! We are all different people with different opinions! I'm sure I will allow my child to do something or act a certain way that others won't agree with, and again THAT'S OK!
How do you even know your parenting style if you aren't a parent? Can you see into the future?! Am I having a girl or a boy???
@motherboy - "What seems right to me may not be right for another parent and that's ok."
Did you not read my last sentence or did you choose to ignore it? Did I say I would be a better parent? NO! I even pointed out that my parenting style may not be ok for/work for another parent!! We are all different people with different opinions! I'm sure I will allow my child to do something or act a certain way that others won't agree with, and again THAT'S OK!
Are you the one judging parents who gave the kid an ipad? If not; then calm your tits because I was responding to OP not you. And take it easy on the exclamation points sheesh.
@motherboy - "What seems right to me may not be right for another parent and that's ok."
Did you not read my last sentence or did you choose to ignore it? Did I say I would be a better parent? NO! I even pointed out that my parenting style may not be ok for/work for another parent!! We are all different people with different opinions! I'm sure I will allow my child to do something or act a certain way that others won't agree with, and again THAT'S OK!
It boggles my mind how many parents here feel like they can let their child act any way they want to without concern on the effects of others around them. I dont understand why you think I should have to pay lots of money at a FINE dining establishment to be able to expect a peaceful meal.
My mom and DH's mom didnt let us act up or cry excessively in restaurants. My sister doesnt let her son. Its not unreasonable.
Me: 34 DH: 28. Married Jan 2012. Started TTC Jan 2014. Got our first BFP April 28th. Baby Boy Born: December 24 2014
It boggles my mind how many parents here feel like they can let their child act any way they want to without concern on the effects of others around them. I dont understand why you think I should have to pay lots of money at a FINE dining establishment to be able to expect a peaceful meal.
My mom and DH's mom didnt let us act up or cry excessively in restaurants. My sister doesnt let her son. Its not unreasonable.
Did you read the thread? Because it's been established that OP was at a family friendly, island themed chain burger joint. This is not white tablecloth ambience we're talking about here.
ETA: I misread what you're saying but I still think OP needs to get perspective. People can go out later if they don't want to deal with young kids. Kids have a right to exist and be out on public too.
You know what, people like, I actually hope you get a difficult to soothe child next time. That is so mean of me, but for real, you have no idea what it's like to be that mom. You have no idea what they are dealing with. Get over yourself and your ideals of what parents should and shouldn't do. It's mothers like you that perpetuate the judgement that continues to plague mothers. We are all moms, and we are all just doing the best we can.
While I agree with you.. I can't help but think "This said by the girl who is not team snark".
Sorry.. Had to.
I know... I know... I regretted it after I clicked submit. I shouldn't have wished something like that on someone. I do apologize for that. However, it really burns me up when I see a mother pass judgement on another mom. We are all just doing the best we can. And furthermore, what's it to you if someone else gives their kid an iphone? I mean, if YOU'RE so superior, be glad that your little special snowflake will be a much better citizen than the kid with the iphone.
Me: 33 DH: 31 DD: 10 (born August 2004) Married 03/01/14 TTC#2 BFP: 05/17/2014 EDD: 1/25/15 MMC: 06/30/2014
Yes because the answer is to "simply soothe" the kid and he/she will certainly stop, otherwise you're a shitty parent. Easy as pie. For every toddler. And don't dare use an electronic device because again...shitty parent.
Guess what... my difficult toddler with 50000 volts of constant energy laughs in your face. Most the time he's perfectly good in restaurants but you know what, he has his moments like all kids and it can be unpredictible... and we do our best to deal... but we still get the stink eye and can't win by judgy people who have no clue what it's like to parent my child.
Sometimes trying to intervene with the usual soothing tactics exacerbates it and makes it worse, sometimes the electronic device is the only thing that works, sometimes Jupiter aligns with our moon strangely and the kid flips a switch for no reason, sometimes you've had a long fucking day and you're burnt the hell out so your "perfect parenting" mode is broken.....sometimes you just CAN'T control your child for 10 of your precious minutes.... a million different scenarios, and you have no clue. Ultimate moral of the story, get over it and I guess just be glad it's not you.
Judging is pointless because it's not your kid, not your situation, and you have no clue what has gone on in that family's life that day. Judging other people's parenting in general (unless it's an obvious straight up danger to the child) is always a fucked up thing to do. We're all just doing our best and the last thing we need is to worry about Mommy Wars.
Should kids be in fancier adult restaurants? No. Should the parent remove the kid if they're acting up in excess? Yes. I personally have not encountered a scenario where a kid is straight up screaming for 10 minutes without a parent taking them out.... color me shocked if that actually happens because I've never seen it. Not sure if I'm buying it. If so though...well, it will probably be a rare annoyance in your life and you should be able to move on unscathed.... it's not something to paint a wide brush over as if there's a whole bunch of us "shitty" parents out there.
Ultimately...If you're going to a family restaurant you're going to encounter families...all different kinds, with all different needs and temperaments. Suck it up or you're welcome to stay home with takeout.
All of this. Yes!!!!
Me: 33 DH: 31 DD: 10 (born August 2004) Married 03/01/14 TTC#2 BFP: 05/17/2014 EDD: 1/25/15 MMC: 06/30/2014
I also have a question. Who are these magical children that calm down when taken outside of a restaurant ? Because if they are screaming inside a restaurant, they will probably scream out there too. What if people are waiting outside too or what if people stare at you because they think you are stealing a kid ?
Do you take them to the car ? What if they scream in the car ? Do you stay with them in the car only to let your ears bleed ? Do you wait outside the car only to have strangers give you the side eye for leaving your screaming kid in a car by themselves ? Do you walk around the parking lot ? What if your kid wants to run around said parking lot and throws a fit when you try to get them to hold your hand or you have to physcially hold them ? What if they start to kick you in the stomach because they want to run around or want to go back in the restaurant ? I'm sure strangers won't be giving you looks for carrying around a kicking screaming toddler in a busy parking lot ? OR what if they are just hungry ? What if you are also pregnant and just don't feel like carrying your kid around a busy parking lot all while they are kicking you in the stomach.
See, these are the joys of toddlers. Not all toddlers, because I know some of us here have angels, but others are not so lucky. These are the things I never thought about until I was actually put in the position of having an unruly toddler. I always thought, " Oh, I am going to be the most polite and considerate person wherever I go." Well sometimes kids have a way of throwing a wrench in your plans. Hey, we were doing great when it was DD. She listened and we knew how to handle her. We thought " Hey, we are pretty good. We have this parenting thing down. We should have another." and God said "Challenge Accepted." Then we had DS and Oh, my. What a difference. Now I know and understand. We got lucky the first time around. It wasn't our parenting skills, it was just her disposition. That is all I am going to say.
My point is that sometimes there are no easy choices and you will probably get judged whether your kid is screaming inside a restaurant, screaming inside your car or screaming and kicking while walking around a parking lot. There are no perfect moms, and most of us are doing the best that we can.
@YaMrWhite - How do I know my parenting style? Not sure I really understand the question, but I guess I have a pretty clear understanding of what my parenting style will be because I'm basing it on certain things my parents taught me and the ways in which I was taught. I know my children will be taught to say please and thank you because it's polite, they will also address adults with respect (use mam and sir), they will be taught to clean up after themselves...among many other things.
It boggles my mind how many parents here feel like they can let their child act any way they want to without concern on the effects of others around them. I dont understand why you think I should have to pay lots of money at a FINE dining establishment to be able to expect a peaceful meal.
My mom and DH's mom didnt let us act up or cry excessively in restaurants. My sister doesnt let her son. Its not unreasonable.
And how, pray tell, does she simply not let her son act up? "Dear son, you will NOT act up in this here restaurant because I am not letting you." Boy if that worked for ALL kids at all moments, no matter the circumstances, I'd be one happy mama.
It boggles my mind how many parents here feel like they can let their child act any way they want to without concern on the effects of others around them. I dont understand why you think I should have to pay lots of money at a FINE dining establishment to be able to expect a peaceful meal.
My mom and DH's mom didnt let us act up or cry excessively in restaurants. My sister doesnt let her son. Its not unreasonable.
It boggles my mind that you are completely missing what most people in this thread are trying to relay to you.
How old is your kid? Oh.
Here's a recap: No one in this thread is insisting they "LET" their child act out in restaurants. No one is talking about going to FINE establishments (unless that's how you define a FAMILY restaurant). The point that you're missing, and what you'll discover as you become a parent to a toddler, is that EVERY kid is different, EVERY situation is different, toddlers are unpredictable, and life is not perfect.... and you will NOT.HAVE.CONTROL all the time (realistically, most the time)..... and the last thing you are going to want, is people judging you as a parent when you are trying your best. Believe me... we are all trying our best.
@YaMrWhite - How do I know my parenting style? Not sure I really understand the question, but I guess I have a pretty clear understanding of what my parenting style will be because I'm basing it on certain things my parents taught me and the ways in which I was taught. I know my children will be taught to say please and thank you because it's polite, they will also address adults with respect (use mam and sir), they will be taught to clean up after themselves...among many other things.
@YaMrWhite - How do I know my parenting style? Not sure I really understand the question, but I guess I have a pretty clear understanding of what my parenting style will be because I'm basing it on certain things my parents taught me and the ways in which I was taught. I know my children will be taught to say please and thank you because it's polite, they will also address adults with respect (use mam and sir), they will be taught to clean up after themselves...among many other things.
You don't understand the question because you've not yet had to parent. I'm trying my best to not be condescending, so I will just say that I never had an inkling how tough, draining, and exasperating parenting can be until I had my own kid. P.s., before you can teach your kids manners and cleaning up after themselves, you get to deal with the special hell that is toddlerhood. By their very nature, toddlers are unreasonable, irrational, and totally self-centered.
ETA: I want to make my point. When you become a parent, you have to pick your battles. You do things you had previously said you'd never do. You let some things slide. Hell, sometimes you just have a horrible day and you do whatever you can to get through it. And if you have an ounce of compassion and empathy, you cut other parents a break too.
@YaMrWhite - How do I know my parenting style? Not sure I really understand the question, but I guess I have a pretty clear understanding of what my parenting style will be because I'm basing it on certain things my parents taught me and the ways in which I was taught. I know my children will be taught to say please and thank you because it's polite, they will also address adults with respect (use mam and sir), they will be taught to clean up after themselves...among many other things.
LO-FUCKING-L
This. So much this. Do you know how many times a day I say "Please clean up your mess BEFORE you start something new" to my FI's 4-yr old? About a million. The room becomes a landscape of crayons, paper, nail polish, Dora, blocks, dolls, and about a zillion other things in a matter of minutes. Consistency is key, I know, but damn it takes a LONG time to get there.
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I also have a question. Who are these magical children that calm down when taken outside of a restaurant ? Because if they are screaming inside a restaurant, they will probably scream out there too. What if people are waiting outside too or what if people stare at you because they think you are stealing a kid ?
Do you take them to the car ? What if they scream in the car ? Do you stay with them in the car only to let your ears bleed ? Do you wait outside the car only to have strangers give you the side eye for leaving your screaming kid in a car by themselves ? Do you walk around the parking lot ? What if your kid wants to run around said parking lot and throws a fit when you try to get them to hold your hand or you have to physcially hold them ? What if they start to kick you in the stomach because they want to run around or want to go back in the restaurant ? I'm sure strangers won't be giving you looks for carrying around a kicking screaming toddler in a busy parking lot ? OR what if they are just hungry ? What if you are also pregnant and just don't feel like carrying your kid around a busy parking lot all while they are kicking you in the stomach.
See, these are the joys of toddlers. Not all toddlers, because I know some of us here have angels, but others are not so lucky. These are the things I never thought about until I was actually put in the position of having an unruly toddler. I always thought, " Oh, I am going to be the most polite and considerate person wherever I go." Well sometimes kids have a way of throwing a wrench in your plans. Hey, we were doing great when it was DD. She listened and we knew how to handle her. We thought " Hey, we are pretty good. We have this parenting thing down. We should have another." and God said "Challenge Accepted." Then we had DS and Oh, my. What a difference. Now I know and understand. We got lucky the first time around. It wasn't our parenting skills, it was just her disposition. That is all I am going to say.
My point is that sometimes there are no easy choices and you will probably get judged whether your kid is screaming inside a restaurant, screaming inside your car or screaming and kicking while walking around a parking lot. There are no perfect moms, and most of us are doing the best that we can.
It boggles my mind how many parents here feel like they can let their child act any way they want to without concern on the effects of others around them. I dont understand why you think I should have to pay lots of money at a FINE dining establishment to be able to expect a peaceful meal.
My mom and DH's mom didnt let us act up or cry excessively in restaurants. My sister doesnt let her son. Its not unreasonable.
I don't. I think you have the option to get take out or eat at home.
Look, I don't appreciate when people let their kids run wild either. I don't let mine run wild, and if she throws a tantrum and I can't get her settled in a couple of minutes, I do remove her for a few minutes until I can get her back on track. Also, if we're in the middle of a meal, and I don't want to pack up and leave in a hurry HELL YES I will pass her a device while I finish eating, and a big screw you to anyone who judges that.
I was definitely more annoyed pre-kids, and DH and I had even been known to request a seat change if we were near particularly unruly kids (see how that works- we removed ourselves instead of raging about their parenting). But the truth is, parenting is hard, and sometimes it is ugly, even in public.
People need to unwad their panties just a bit and worry more about handling themselves instead of judging others.
@YaMrWhite - How do I know my parenting style? Not sure I really understand the question, but I guess I have a pretty clear understanding of what my parenting style will be because I'm basing it on certain things my parents taught me and the ways in which I was taught. I know my children will be taught to say please and thank you because it's polite, they will also address adults with respect (use mam and sir), they will be taught to clean up after themselves...among many other things.
Nope nope nope. My parents tell me I was the most perfect kid growing up. I was just super shy and nervous to talk to people, and really disliked getting into any sort of trouble. [Extreme introvert for most of my life.] I hoped my first kid would be like me, super easy to handle (although not quite so shy and nervous, that is a tough thing to break as you get older). But NOPE. She's super social, loves running away from me everywhere, seems to have no fears, and is the most energetic ball of crazy. And I say that in the most loving way.
Basically, you have almost no idea how your child is going to react to your parenting style, because you have almost no idea how your kid is going to act in general.
Everyone who thinks they know what's going to happen when they become a parent needs to apologize for being so wrong. You have no flippin' clue. And that's not to say it's going to be terrible in all cases, you just need to be aware that there are several different cases that may happen to you.
Oh and I also forgot to add. If your kid is screaming in a restaurant, the worst that can happen is people will stare and ask you to leave.
Leaving a kid crying in a car by themselves can get a call to the police or CPS and being in the car with a screaming child is miserable and for all you know, someone could still call the police. People tend to take kids in cars very seriously. Carrying around a screaming and kicking child can also issue a call to the police because for all a stranger can tell, you are kidnapping that child and again, people now a days don't take chances and will call if they suspect anything.
Again, most of us are doing the best that we can and sometimes it is easier to say " Screw it, this is a burger joint not Ruth Chris. Have fun watching Jake and the Neverland Pirates, kids."
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
Re: Toddler/restaurant rant
@BookitBoo - I don't have children. I don't need a child to know how I will handle my future one screaming in public. He or she will be promptly removed to a private place and calmed down. I realize every parent is different and each has their own way of dealing with their children. What seems right to me may not be right for another parent and that's ok.
Bahahahaha. It's amazing how the best parents are people without kids.

<p align="center"LOL
Just you wait hunty child. Just you wait.
There is nothing more humbling than parenthood. So I'd take the next ~9 months and practice avoiding the phrase 'never will I ever' or any equivalent.
Did you not read my last sentence or did you choose to ignore it? Did I say I would be a better parent? NO! I even pointed out that my parenting style may not be ok for/work for another parent!! We are all different people with different opinions! I'm sure I will allow my child to do something or act a certain way that others won't agree with, and again THAT'S OK!

<p align="center"ETA: I misread what you're saying but I still think OP needs to get perspective. People can go out later if they don't want to deal with young kids. Kids have a right to exist and be out on public too.

<p align="center"DD: 10 (born August 2004)
Married 03/01/14
TTC#2
BFP: 05/17/2014 EDD: 1/25/15 MMC: 06/30/2014
DD: 10 (born August 2004)
Married 03/01/14
TTC#2
BFP: 05/17/2014 EDD: 1/25/15 MMC: 06/30/2014
1. Eat at home
2. Order your food to go
3. Go to a restaurant without a kids menu.
Otherwise, hush and get over yourselves.
ETA: I want to make my point. When you become a parent, you have to pick your battles. You do things you had previously said you'd never do. You let some things slide. Hell, sometimes you just have a horrible day and you do whatever you can to get through it. And if you have an ounce of compassion and empathy, you cut other parents a break too.

<p align="center"Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.