Toddler/restaurant rant

ghostof5letters · June 2014

Christina_Diane said:

rmpar29 said:

I've been that mom and sometimes walking them around the restaurant, or coloring, or playing with toys isn't enough to distract them from making nuisances of themselves. So, Mickey Mouse on my iPhone it is. Go ahead, judge me, but until you have 2 3-year olds and are trying to entertain them while waiting for food you have no clue what that's like. I'd rather the next table hear Mickey (even though it's barely loud enough for my kids to hear) then to hear a child whining or hearing me repeat over and over "Dawson, sit down. Devin, give that train back to your brother." etc.

This parent did what they could to stop their child from screaming. I would be thankful that she had something to quiet the child so I didn't have to listen to screaming anymore.

I wouldn't judge that. It was a last resort after you tried and other things failed. My issue at hand is when you don't do anything for a prolonged period of time, and then turn to the screen as the first, the go-to solution.

This entire post you've been judging the use of screen time to distract/calm a hysterical/tantrum toddler and suddenly you're backpedaling.

Christina_Diane · June 2014

ghostof5letters said:

Christina_Diane said:

We do order takeout often. Sometimes it is because we like the comfort of our own home, and sometimes it is because we don't want to cook, but we just know that DS is in a bad mood. And I would never expect children with special needs to behave perfectly. I would totally eat my words right now if I knew that kid was special needs. @bookitboo.

Well, it's obvious you should have walked over to clarify with the parents whether this child was special needs or not. Duh! What an assholeish statement/thought process.

1. I would never, ever do that. 2. It is not an asshole statement/thought process because by saying that I would eat my own words is admitting fault if that was the case. However, I am entitled to my belief that children should not scream for prolonged periods of time in restaurants while parents don't take any steps to remedy the situation, just as how so many posters here are entitled to their opinions that I incorrectly judged the mother and the situation.

I only judge parents when their actions affect more people than just themselves in a negative way. I won't say anything to the parent. I won't make loud sighs or grunts about the situation. But, I will be annoyed when I hear a screaming toddler or a loud cartoon that makes it difficult for me to have a conversation at my own table because of the noise level/duration of the noise.

mmooki · June 2014

Dd is generally pretty good in restaurants but we have our moments. Just like every other kid. We always have toys and whatnot to occupy her, snacks, etc. sometimes we take a walk around the restaurant, sometimes we change her seat around. It sucks but she will never learn if we never take her out. We go to family friendly places and go around her schedule.

We are flying in 2 weeks and I am terrified of the trip. We flew last summer but I was still nursing so when she freaked out, just pop a boob in her mouth. Not happening this time. I'm so worried about the trip.

ghostof5letters · June 2014

Christina_Diane said:

ghostof5letters said:

Christina_Diane said:

We do order takeout often. Sometimes it is because we like the comfort of our own home, and sometimes it is because we don't want to cook, but we just know that DS is in a bad mood. And I would never expect children with special needs to behave perfectly. I would totally eat my words right now if I knew that kid was special needs. @bookitboo.

Well, it's obvious you should have walked over to clarify with the parents whether this child was special needs or not. Duh! What an assholeish statement/thought process.

1. I would never, ever do that. 2. It is not an asshole statement/thought process because by saying that I would eat my own words is admitting fault if that was the case. However, I am entitled to my belief that children should not scream for prolonged periods of time in restaurants while parents don't take any steps to remedy the situation, just as how so many posters here are entitled to their opinions that I incorrectly judged the mother and the situation.

I only judge parents when their actions affect more people than just themselves in a negative way. I won't say anything to the parent. I won't make loud sighs or grunts about the situation. But, I will be annoyed when I hear a screaming toddler or a loud cartoon that makes it difficult for me to have a conversation at my own table because of the noise level/duration of the noise.

What restaurant were you at?

You claim the parents made no effort to console their child, yet in the next breath you're pissy at the effort they did make because your precious snowflake would never need an iPad to sit still at a restaurant.

Puhhlleeeeze

AMcLaws · June 2014

Do me a favor and tell me which book you read that made you a perfect parent, able to raise a perfect child? Toddlers can get antsy sitting around and waiting. My kid is very well behaved, but has her moments. I do my best to calm her. Sometimes that means surrendering my iphone. It's not your kid, so you don't need to worry about others' parenting styles. Not your concern.

Christina_Diane · June 2014

ghostof5letters said:

Christina_Diane said:

rmpar29 said:

I've been that mom and sometimes walking them around the restaurant, or coloring, or playing with toys isn't enough to distract them from making nuisances of themselves. So, Mickey Mouse on my iPhone it is. Go ahead, judge me, but until you have 2 3-year olds and are trying to entertain them while waiting for food you have no clue what that's like. I'd rather the next table hear Mickey (even though it's barely loud enough for my kids to hear) then to hear a child whining or hearing me repeat over and over "Dawson, sit down. Devin, give that train back to your brother." etc.

This parent did what they could to stop their child from screaming. I would be thankful that she had something to quiet the child so I didn't have to listen to screaming anymore.

I wouldn't judge that. It was a last resort after you tried and other things failed. My issue at hand is when you don't do anything for a prolonged period of time, and then turn to the screen as the first, the go-to solution.

This entire post you've been judging the use of screen time to distract/calm a hysterical/tantrum toddler and suddenly you're backpedaling.

actually, on the first page I said it should be used as a last resort. So I did not back pedal. I don't think it should be the first, go-to distraction.

Cbeanz · June 2014

Going out on a limb here and saying this is probably the wrong audience for your complaint, OP.

Christina_Diane · June 2014

Never did I ever say that I was the perfect parent. Am I seriously the only person out there who doesn't like to hear screaming kids for prolonged periods of time at a restaurant? I find that hard to believe.

ghostof5letters · June 2014

Christina_Diane said:

ghostof5letters said:

Christina_Diane said:

rmpar29 said:

I've been that mom and sometimes walking them around the restaurant, or coloring, or playing with toys isn't enough to distract them from making nuisances of themselves. So, Mickey Mouse on my iPhone it is. Go ahead, judge me, but until you have 2 3-year olds and are trying to entertain them while waiting for food you have no clue what that's like. I'd rather the next table hear Mickey (even though it's barely loud enough for my kids to hear) then to hear a child whining or hearing me repeat over and over "Dawson, sit down. Devin, give that train back to your brother." etc.

This parent did what they could to stop their child from screaming. I would be thankful that she had something to quiet the child so I didn't have to listen to screaming anymore.

I wouldn't judge that. It was a last resort after you tried and other things failed. My issue at hand is when you don't do anything for a prolonged period of time, and then turn to the screen as the first, the go-to solution.

This entire post you've been judging the use of screen time to distract/calm a hysterical/tantrum toddler and suddenly you're backpedaling.

actually, on the first page I said it should be used as a last resort. So I did not back pedal. I don't think it should be the first, go-to distraction.

Christina_Diane said:
I have a toddler, and I have been there. I know it isn't pleasant for people to hear his scream, so we remove him from the situation if he doesn't calm down immediately. Pushing an iPhone with a game on it to quiet your kid is not parenting. That should be a last resort. A very last resort that hardly ever gets used. We take many steps to make sure that DS behaves appropriately in a restaurant. We order his food first, make sure we go someplace that he enjoys, we color with him on the kids menu, and we assess his mood and behavior before going. If he's had a rough day and we want to eat out, we get takeout. If anything, I get more irritated now that I have a toddler than I did before.

this mom in question didn't do anything to calm her son besides shove a screen in front of his face. How is it that some kids are so dependent on technology now? As a teacher, I see the consequences. I've got a classroom filled with 38 students with the shortest attention spans.

Again, they took steps to calm their child and just because their not the steps you'd take, because you're MOTY, you're judging.

ghostof5letters · June 2014

Christina_Diane said:

Never did I ever say that I was the perfect parent. Am I seriously the only person out there who doesn't like to hear screaming kids for prolonged periods of time at a restaurant? I find that hard to believe.

Why didn't you ask to get your food to-go?

What restaurant was it?

Christina_Diane · June 2014

@ghostof5letters‌ - please tell me what steps this mother took? You were not there. It was screaming for a long time and then iPhone. There were no steps. No, I am not mother of the year, but I do enjoy eating a meal out without extended, prolonged periods of loud screaming/crying.

ghostof5letters · June 2014

Christina_Diane said:

@ghostof5letters‌ - please tell me what steps this mother took? You were not there. It was screaming for a long time and then iPhone. There were no steps. No, I am not mother of the year, but I do enjoy eating a meal out without extended, prolonged periods of loud screaming/crying.

What restaurant were you at?

You're totes MOTY, clearly their first resort is your last because they're just below you on the parenting totem pole.

Christina_Diane · June 2014

ghostof5letters said:

Christina_Diane said:

@ghostof5letters‌ - please tell me what steps this mother took? You were not there. It was screaming for a long time and then iPhone. There were no steps. No, I am not mother of the year, but I do enjoy eating a meal out without extended, prolonged periods of loud screaming/crying.

What restaurant were you at?

islands. A totally family appropriate restaurant. Had my son screamed that way and I couldn't get it controlled, I would have taken him out so that he didn't ruin other patrons' experiences, and I wish other people had the same courtesy,

ghostof5letters · June 2014

Christina_Diane said:

ghostof5letters said:

Christina_Diane said:

@ghostof5letters‌ - please tell me what steps this mother took? You were not there. It was screaming for a long time and then iPhone. There were no steps. No, I am not mother of the year, but I do enjoy eating a meal out without extended, prolonged periods of loud screaming/crying.

What restaurant were you at?

islands. A totally family appropriate restaurant. Had my son screamed that way and I couldn't get it controlled, I would have taken him out so that he didn't ruin other patrons' experiences, and I wish other people had the same courtesy,

According to your first post, he screamed for 10 minutes. Hardly your entire meal. Then the parents were able to calm and distract with the iPhone and that wasn't good enough for you.

Christina_Diane said:
Uuugh. I seriously don't want your hear your toddler scream for 10 minutes while we are eating dinner at a restaurant. Then, I don't want to hear cartoons or a game playing loudly on your iPhone for the rest of my meal. Seriously, just take them out and order your food to go.

YaMrWhite · June 2014

Honestly, who cares when the iPhone is given to the kid at a restaurant. First, fourth, last attempt. If it works, it was the right decision for that instance. And now you get to eat your meal in peace. Problem solved.

Christina_Diane · June 2014

@ghostof5letters‌ and @YaMrWhite‌ - that solution was not satisfactory because the volume was so loud that it carried over our conversation at the table. I believe I posted before that the volume was loud. I wouldn't have been upset if it wasn't so loud. It was overpowering.

liladelphia215 · June 2014

ImJessesGirl said:

You know what, people like, I actually hope you get a difficult to soothe child next time. That is so mean of me, but for real, you have no idea what it's like to be that mom. You have no idea what they are dealing with. Get over yourself and your ideals of what parents should and shouldn't do. It's mothers like you that perpetuate the judgement that continues to plague mothers. We are all moms, and we are all just doing the best we can.

While I agree with you.. I can't help but think "This said by the girl who is not team snark".

Sorry.. Had to.

Christina_Diane · June 2014

Cbeanz said:

Going out on a limb here and saying this is probably the wrong audience for your complaint, OP.

yes. I actually thought there would be more like-minded people. Oh well.

jennkg3 · June 2014

YaMrWhite said:

Christina_Diane said:

I have a toddler, and I have been there. I know it isn't pleasant for people to hear his scream, so we remove him from the situation if he doesn't calm down immediately. Pushing an iPhone with a game on it to quiet your kid is not parenting. That should be a last resort. A very last resort that hardly ever gets used. We take many steps to make sure that DS behaves appropriately in a restaurant. We order his food first, make sure we go someplace that he enjoys, we color with him on the kids menu, and we assess his mood and behavior before going. If he's had a rough day and we want to eat out, we get takeout. If anything, I get more irritated now that I have a toddler than I did before.

this mom in question didn't do anything to calm her son besides shove a screen in front of his face. How is it that some kids are so dependent on technology now? As a teacher, I see the consequences. I've got a classroom filled with 38 students with the shortest attention spans.

Judge judge judge judge judge.

Yeah, I'm a teacher too and had a lot of opinions and ideas on how I would raise my perfect children. Lol, 3 years later my dd is very good at using the iPad and technology for that matter. It's easy to say my kid will only watch a half hour of tv, won't use my iPhone/iPad. It's so much easier to deal with kids when you only have them 6-8 hours a day.

YaMrWhite · June 2014

Christina_Diane said:

@ghostof5letters‌ and @YaMrWhite‌ - that solution was not satisfactory because the volume was so loud that it carried over our conversation at the table. I believe I posted before that the volume was loud. I wouldn't have been upset if it wasn't so loud. It was overpowering.

Even if it was quiet, it still wouldn't have been "satisfactory" for you (that word reads very snooty FYI) because of this quote you said earlier "Pushing an iPhone with a game on it to quiet your kid is not parenting. That should be a last resort. A very last resort that hardly ever gets used."

cuntasaurusrex · June 2014

Hey dipshit- one of the things you implicitly acknowledge, when you go out into THE PUBLIC, is that you will have to deal with THE PUBLIC. THE PUBLIC also includes children, which, of course, shouldn't be brought just anywhere, but to family-friendly restaurants that THE PUBLIC is all welcome at. If you want to go somewhere where your delicate virgin ears won't get hate-fucked by a hungry toddler, then get a babysitter and go somewhere a little nicer.

p.s. The same goes for airplanes, which are, surprise! PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION.

AMcLaws · June 2014

Christina_Diane said:
@ghostof5letters‌ - please tell me what steps this mother took? You were not there. It was screaming for a long time and then iPhone. There were no steps. No, I am not mother of the year, but I do enjoy eating a meal out without extended, prolonged periods of loud screaming/crying.

LOL you probably shouldn't have had kids then. I rarely get a silent meal at home....let alone in a very crowded restaurant.

ghostof5letters · June 2014

LOL - OP is being a judgmental MOTY when the restaurant she was in is a themed burger bar.

GTFOver yourself. LOL

I'm sure the volume on the iPhone was totally unbearable in such an establishment. Considering this is the interior.

https://www.islandsrestaurants.com

jonesparty7 · June 2014

All I can say is that my tolerance for this changed greatly after I became a parent. I won't lie, when I was single and young and out for dinner, loud children drove me nuts. But that all changes once you're in that mother's shoes. I took my son to Chick-Fil-A for lunch on his 2nd birthday and he started vomiting uncontrollably. I was alone with him and was trying to keep it hidden best as possible. The man at an opposite table started making rude comments and that he shouldn't have to see that while he ate. I about lost it. As if I planned on my 2-year old getting sick and could stop it. God forbid we ruin this man's lunch. That moment definitely gave me a different perspective and if I see a situation like this in public I feel deep sympathy. It's life - they are children and it happens.

ghostof5letters · June 2014

aerotigergirl · June 2014

UberBiz said:

This is kind of OT (sort of, but not), and I don't think anyone on this thread said this, but I've heard it elsewhere where a mother of a young child would criticize another mother with a young child and basically say "well MY child behaves in public because I parent her right" as if assuming the other mother with the rowdy child isn't parenting good enough. I just want to be like, well congratulations for having a well-behaved child, not all of us are so lucky and it has nothing to do with parenting. Kids all have different personalities and behavior patterns. And I agree with @BookitBoo my daughter figured out that she could take an accompanied walk around if she acted up and that was an even harder habit to break than dealing with the crankiness to begin with.

BUT, I also have to agree with OP, if the kid was loudly and inconsolably whining for 10 minutes before the mother did anything and then shoved the electronic device at the kid without other recourse, then yeah, stay home.

I'm glad someone also pointed this out. My 3yo DS is very energetic. It's just part of his personality. He doesn't like to sit still, and he likes to talk, sometimes loudly. I've had friends with kids the same age look at me and say "Wow, you certainly have your hands full!" It's hurtful, because even coming from a friend, it feels like an accusation. As if my friend is saying "Jeesh, you're obviously failing at parenting!" In reality, I'm not a perfect parent, but I'm also not a negligent parent, just letting my kid run wild and not paying any attention to what he's up to. I'm a good mom, and I try very hard to teach him when it's ok to run out his energy and when it's inappropriate.

I sometimes think life might be easier if I had a quiet little mouse like my friend does. But this is my boy's personality, and while we do our best to keep him under wraps in public places, I don't wish he was any different.

ghostof5letters · June 2014

aliletz said:

If you want to go somewhere where your delicate virgin ears won't get hate-fucked by a hungry toddler, then get a babysitter and go somewhere a little nicer.

caraleeb · June 2014

I try to take my toddler out only to places i know are more relaxed, family friendly. Honestly i dont want to stress in a nicer place, if i want a nice dinner, im going without my toddler!

Disneygeek77 · June 2014

Yeah, not all kids are like your own and simply have a harder time behaving and staying calm in a restaurant. However, this is how they learn.

Also don't be so quick to judge. For some kids, ignoring the tantrums is what works the best. Hovering over them when they are like that only prolongs it.

Christina_Diane · June 2014

Very interesting. I won't bend or change my mind. I think it is rude when people are not cognizant are are inconsiderate to others. That includes letting your child wail for prolonged periods of time without trying to do something. Ok, so I judged. Yes, I judged because it was something that I found annoying. And yes, I am sure that people find things I do annoying too. It happens. It wasn't like I told the lady she was a bad mom. It wasn't like I told her to quiet her child. (Neither of which I believe). I simply came on here to rant about it because it was something that annoyed me. Agree or disagree. It's fine. I will still get annoyed in the future when it happens. I don't need to get over myself, and I don't need to stay at home. It was just a rant.

hollywooeb · June 2014

Christina_Diane I totally agree with you! If the child gets out of hand remove them from the restaurant until they are under control again. My mom NEVER allowed me or my siblings to scream in a restaurant or even have tantrums at home. And we weren't allowed to run around the restaurant or even get out of our chair until dinner was over and we were leaving. I get that toddlers/young kids have meltdowns, but it's annoying when parents don't remove them if they are unable to stop the screaming/crying.

YaMrWhite · June 2014

Christina_Diane said:

Very interesting. I won't bend or change my mind. I think it is rude when people are not cognizant are are inconsiderate to others. That includes letting your child wail for prolonged periods of time without trying to do something. Ok, so I judged. Yes, I judged because it was something that I found annoying. And yes, I am sure that people find things I do annoying too. It happens. It wasn't like I told the lady she was a bad mom. It wasn't like I told her to quiet her child. (Neither of which I believe). I simply came on here to rant about it because it was something that annoyed me. Agree or disagree. It's fine. I will still get annoyed in the future when it happens. I don't need to get over myself, and I don't need to stay at home. It was just a rant.

To the first bolded: No but you pretty much told a bunch of expectant moms (some of whom have kids and have been in that situation you were annoyed by) that she was a bad mom for letting it go on so long and that using the iPhone (volume on high sure) as a means to calm the child was not up to your standards of parenting. You are definitely entitled to your opinion on this but hopefully you will try and be a little more understanding next time? Maybe?

To the second bolded: Neither do us moms...or our kids.

Edit: grammar

IHeartScience · June 2014

Life must be exhausting if you waste all that energy judging other people for, you know, having kids. And not crawling in a hole to hide until those kids are at an age where good behavior can be guaranteed.

Must be awesome to be so much better than other moms, though.

ghostof5letters · June 2014

hollywooeb said:

Christina_Diane I totally agree with you! If the child gets out of hand remove them from the restaurant until they are under control again. My mom NEVER allowed me or my siblings to scream in a restaurant or even have tantrums at home. And we weren't allowed to run around the restaurant or even get out of our chair until dinner was over and we were leaving. I get that toddlers/young kids have meltdowns, but it's annoying when parents don't remove them if they are unable to stop the screaming/crying.

Christina said in her original post that the kid stopped screaming in 10 minutes. She never mentioned the kid running around.

BookitBoo · June 2014

hollywooeb said:
Christina_Diane I totally agree with you! If the child gets out of hand remove them from the restaurant until they are under control again. My mom NEVER allowed me or my siblings to scream in a restaurant or even have tantrums at home. And we weren't allowed to run around the restaurant or even get out of our chair until dinner was over and we were leaving. I get that toddlers/young kids have meltdowns, but it's annoying when parents don't remove them if they are unable to stop the screaming/crying.

I probably missed this somewhere, but do to have children, @hollywooeb‌ ?

LadyXaverian · June 2014

Christina_Diane said:

LuckyPenny1231 said:

I had mild PPD/anxiety after DD was born. I was terrified to leave the house in case *gasp* she started crying. In my head being judged by other people for having an upset child was more than I could handle. And I rarely left the house because of it. My depression got 1000 times worse because of it. Think twice before judging people, please. If the kid is throwing food or being an absolute terror, then yeah they should leave. But maybe that mom is finally getting out of the house and if an iPhone keeps the peace, so what? Let it go.

I will never judge a mother with a crying kid who is actively trying to soothe her child. Never. That is a crappy situation to be in. But when the crying is a high pitched wail of a scream that lasts for ten minutes, I will judge if the mom doesn't do anything during that time.

I haven't finished reading the thread yet, so excuse me if someone has already said this, but you are just as free to get your food packed up to go as they are. Unless you were at a fine dining establishment, I'm really not feeling your pain.

ghostof5letters · June 2014

Christina_Diane said:

Very interesting. I won't bend or change my mind. I think it is rude when people are not cognizant are are inconsiderate to others. That includes letting your child wail for prolonged periods of time without trying to do something. Ok, so I judged. Yes, I judged because it was something that I found annoying. And yes, I am sure that people find things I do annoying too. It happens. It wasn't like I told the lady she was a bad mom. It wasn't like I told her to quiet her child. (Neither of which I believe). I simply came on here to rant about it because it was something that annoyed me. Agree or disagree. It's fine. I will still get annoyed in the future when it happens. I don't need to get over myself, and I don't need to stay at home. It was just a rant.

So 10 minutes is a prolonged period of time, and quieting them and giving them an iPhone to keep them occupied is doing nothing?

You absolutely feel that she's a bad mom and you're a better mom. You said it 15 different ways in this post. Perhaps you shouldn't go to a tiki bar if your ears are so sensitive.

You really need to get over yourself.

LadyXaverian · June 2014

BookitBoo said:

If it's such an issue and you don't like dealing with the public (to include small children, or children with special needs) maybe you should get your food to go and eat at home where a quiet environment is garaunteed?

This is why I love you. I just said the same thing before I even saw your response.

motherboy · June 2014

At that sort of restaurant, you should expect kids. You said yourself it was totally kid appropriate.

So one kid yelled for ten minutes then got to watch a video to calm himself down. It's not what you would do, but guess what? It's not your kid. What a petty thing to judge other parents about.

nickicl · June 2014

The best restaurants/servers will show up and chat with the kid, offer a toy or paper and crayons to "please draw us a picture." Usually, my child responds very well to positive attention from another grown up so I'm very happy and grateful for servers, friends and strangers willing to assist.

Judgers, not so much.

I have been in a restaurant with a difficult child several times, and seemingly out of nowhere. Sometimes he's hangry, or tired or who knows?

Even if I wanted to, can't leave without paying the bill.

I do what I can to keep the peace and try not to cause stress or irritation for others. Sometimes you these things just have to play out as a learning experience for all involved.

I find easily irritated, non-empathatic people have a negative impact on my experience too.

Always open to people who genuinely want to help and offer reasonable suggestions besides as opposed to requesting my child to leave.

Want a personalized experience?

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