Toddler/restaurant rant

Christina_Diane · June 2014

Uuugh. I seriously don't want your hear your toddler scream for 10 minutes while we are eating dinner at a restaurant. Then, I don't want to hear cartoons or a game playing loudly on your iPhone for the rest of my meal. Seriously, just take them out and order your food to go.

ImJessesGirl · June 2014

Have you ever been the parent of the screaming child? I have... and trust me, it's mortifying.

Christina_Diane · June 2014

I have. We left immediately.

Pips09 · June 2014

Christina_Diane said:

I have. We left immediately.

This is the proper response. I will never side-eye parents with a screaming child if they take steps to try and not bother other patrons. They have all my sympathy.

Mrs_Bennett · June 2014

ImJessesGirl said:
Have you ever been the parent of the screaming child? I have... and trust me, it's mortifying.

This! Sometimes you can't leave, like if you've already ordered, and are waiting for food to arrive with a hungry child. I will do anything in my power to quiet my kids in a restaurant, but sometimes they're loud. Yes, I would remove them if they were straight screaming, but I'd most likely bring them back when the food arrived (calmed to the point of not screaming!).

AlfiesMOM · June 2014

I agree, we try and pull E out if she is misbehaving but there are so situations where its just not possible. We did for awhile limit going out however I worry that will not teach her how to behave properly in a restaurant. We go to kid friendly places use it as opportunity to teach her, we go at times she will be in a better mood, and almost always order right away. With all that said she is crazy unpredictable so sometimes it doesn't always work out!

Stargirlb · June 2014

Shit happens

Milagros315 · June 2014

Stargirlb said:
Shit happens

This. My opinion is that restaurants are a public place. If I don't want to deal with the possibility of a loud child or a loud group of adults (that happens too), I don't leave the house.

YaMrWhite · June 2014

Mrs_Bennett said:

Have you ever been the parent of the screaming child? I have... and trust me, it's mortifying.
This! Sometimes you can't leave, like if you've already ordered, and are waiting for food to arrive with a hungry child. I will do anything in my power to quiet my kids in a restaurant, but sometimes they're loud. Yes, I would remove them if they were straight screaming, but I'd most likely bring them back when the food arrived (calmed to the point of not screaming!).

Ditto this. I have much more respect for parents with crying toddlers than I did before becoming a parent. When DD gets loud and whiney, we take turns taking her for a walk until our food comes.

MNgirl326 · June 2014

Let me know how your opinion changes over the next 2 years.
Shit happens.
It's one thing if the parents are ignoring the child. It's another if they are trying to get the kid quiet while waiting for the food.
Get off your high horse

The are restaurants I would never bring my kid to - because they are fancy quiet places. But other restaurants, oh well. I will do my best to keep him quiet and occupied. Sometimes he cries and wines. Sometimes he doesn't. That's life.

Stargirlb · June 2014

It's very refreshing traveling to countries where children aren't treated as a nuisance or bombs that could go off at any time. Everyone is more relaxed, strangers are more hands on at engaging and entertaining your kids, and everything flows better.

kc192 · June 2014

Agreed. We take the precautions we can -bring distractions (which sometimes is games on an ipad), suckers, toys, books, etc, go to kid friendly places when LO isn't tired, etc. but toddlers aren't known for always being happy and compliant. We usually try to remove him from the room and bring him back after he's calmed down but that's not always a possibility. I'm surprised when other parents aren't a little more sympathetic. Whenever I see a mom in this situation I always try to give her a "sorry, I've been there too" smile.

Pips09 · June 2014

MNgirl326 said:

Let me know how your opinion changes over the next 2 years. Shit happens. It's one thing if the parents are ignoring the child. It's another if they are trying to get the kid quiet while waiting for the food. Get off your high horse The are restaurants I would never bring my kid to - because they are fancy quiet places. But other restaurants, oh well. I will do my best to keep him quiet and occupied. Sometimes he cries and wines. Sometimes he doesn't. That's life.

Edited because nevermind, I misread the OP. Carry on.

liladelphia215 · June 2014

Christina_Diane said:

Uuugh. I seriously don't want your hear your toddler scream for 10 minutes while we are eating dinner at a restaurant. Then, I don't want to hear cartoons or a game playing loudly on your iPhone for the rest of my meal. Seriously, just take them out and order your food to go.

What kind of restaurant was this?

If it was some fine dining establishment - I get it. I never take DD to a fine dining place just in case.

If it was like a Ruby Tuesday, an Applebees, etc. - suck it up. Especially the games on the iPhone. Take your pick. Screaming kid, or games.

I've taken DD to restaurants since pretty much birth. For the most part, she does okay because she's used to the atmosphere and we usually only have to give her the phone if the kitchen is too slow. Sorry, not sorry. I do try to control the volume, but if the people right next to us can hear some of it oh well. They can take their pick of a rammy toddler or games because I won't be a hermit just because I have a small child.

I did have to take her out of a restaurant once. Of course I was by myself and of course the waitress took forever (or it felt like forever) to give me the bill and a box.

aerotigergirl · June 2014

kc192 said:

Agreed. We take the precautions we can -bring distractions (which sometimes is games on an ipad), suckers, toys, books, etc, go to kid friendly places when LO isn't tired, etc. but toddlers aren't known for always being happy and compliant. We usually try to remove him from the room and bring him back after he's calmed down but that's not always a possibility. I'm surprised when other parents aren't a little more sympathetic. Whenever I see a mom in this situation I always try to give her a "sorry, I've been there too" smile.

This.

My attitude towards upset toddlers has certainly changed over the last couple of years. We do what we can, bring things to keep him entertained while we're waiting on our meal, we take a walk if he gets really out of hand, we only dine at kid-friendly places, etc. But I refuse to be shamed into never going out at all by other patrons who have no patience. When you live in a world with this many people, you're bound to run into something you find annoying. Chances are, you're doing something to annoy others, too. And the best we can all do is try to have a little more patience with each other.

GirlWithAnchors · June 2014

Ehh on the fence. My kids aren't too bad but once they start acting up we'll try to hurry it up. Most of the time we just pick up cause I'm more relaxed at home. But if I'm out and my kids are a little loud :-?? Idk most people where I'm at are more okay with it it guess but then again my kids aren't like screaming and crazy just yet. I agree with public place thing. I mean adults are sometimes way louder than the kids and that royally pisses me off. Like shut up and eat your food I don't care about what blah did at work today or if the team made it to playoffs. Idk hahaha my preggy brain isn't forming sentences correctly right now. But point being as long as you're trying to control the situation I don't mind. If you're straight letting your kid be annoying judgy side eye time. Adults know you're damn noise levels. %-(

rainbows · June 2014

Crying and whining arent too big of a deal, the volume level of that isnt a huge assault on the ears, but the super loud wailing and screaming are a whole different ballgame. I know the soundtrack that im anticipating at a nice restaurant is not screaming. I also dont like screamo metal so im at least consistent.

Whenever we take my nephew out, im always prepared to remove him from the location, at least for a little while, to calm him down. Its the way to be respectful to the other patrons.

YaMrWhite · June 2014

GrahamSchneider said:

Christina_Diane said:

Uuugh. I seriously don't want your hear your toddler scream for 10 minutes while we are eating dinner at a restaurant. Then, I don't want to hear cartoons or a game playing loudly on your iPhone for the rest of my meal. Seriously, just take them out and order your food to go.

What kind of restaurant was this?

If it was some fine dining establishment - I get it. I never take DD to a fine dining place just in case.

If it was like a Ruby Tuesday, an Applebees, etc. - suck it up. Especially the games on the iPhone. Take your pick. Screaming kid, or games.

I've taken DD to restaurants since pretty much birth. For the most part, she does okay because she's used to the atmosphere and we usually only have to give her the phone if the kitchen is too slow. Sorry, not sorry. I do try to control the volume, but if the people right next to us can hear some of it oh well. They can take their pick of a rammy toddler or games because I won't be a hermit just because I have a small child.

I did have to take her out of a restaurant once. Of course I was by myself and of course the waitress took forever (or it felt like forever) to give me the bill and a box.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

happy0101 · June 2014

This.

My attitude towards upset toddlers has certainly changed over the last couple of years. We do what we can, bring things to keep him entertained while we're waiting on our meal, we take a walk if he gets really out of hand, we only dine at kid-friendly places, etc. But I refuse to be shamed into never going out at all by other patrons who have no patience. When you live in a world with this many people, you're bound to run into something you find annoying. Chances are, you're doing something to annoy others, too. And the best we can all do is try to have a little more patience with each other.

Nicely put.

Christina_Diane · June 2014

I have a toddler, and I have been there. I know it isn't pleasant for people to hear his scream, so we remove him from the situation if he doesn't calm down immediately. Pushing an iPhone with a game on it to quiet your kid is not parenting. That should be a last resort. A very last resort that hardly ever gets used. We take many steps to make sure that DS behaves appropriately in a restaurant. We order his food first, make sure we go someplace that he enjoys, we color with him on the kids menu, and we assess his mood and behavior before going. If he's had a rough day and we want to eat out, we get takeout. If anything, I get more irritated now that I have a toddler than I did before.

this mom in question didn't do anything to calm her son besides shove a screen in front of his face. How is it that some kids are so dependent on technology now? As a teacher, I see the consequences. I've got a classroom filled with 38 students with the shortest attention spans.

MKro2 · June 2014

The Bump had a Mom's 4 Mom's Day on March 4th (I believe) and it was centered around the whole idea of not being so judgmental towards other Moms/Parents. Parenting is hard work and you are always second guessing whether you are making the best decisions possible. I find it heartbreaking when other's judge especially when they have no idea what that parent may be going through. Instead of thinking of your own inconvenience, maybe show a little more compassion and realize this could very well be you in a few years and you may be eating your own words.

WillCMyInk · June 2014

Pips09 said:

MNgirl326 said:

Let me know how your opinion changes over the next 2 years. Shit happens. It's one thing if the parents are ignoring the child. It's another if they are trying to get the kid quiet while waiting for the food. Get off your high horse The are restaurants I would never bring my kid to - because they are fancy quiet places. But other restaurants, oh well. I will do my best to keep him quiet and occupied. Sometimes he cries and wines. Sometimes he doesn't. That's life.

And we are clearly talking about screaming kids who's parents are ignoring the kids and not trying to calm them down. Not parents who are making an effort.

I retract my former statement...I just couldn't get to the point through a wall of text.

Christina_Diane · June 2014

Well, you guys wanted more interesting posts

YaMrWhite · June 2014

Christina_Diane said:

I have a toddler, and I have been there. I know it isn't pleasant for people to hear his scream, so we remove him from the situation if he doesn't calm down immediately. Pushing an iPhone with a game on it to quiet your kid is not parenting. That should be a last resort. A very last resort that hardly ever gets used. We take many steps to make sure that DS behaves appropriately in a restaurant. We order his food first, make sure we go someplace that he enjoys, we color with him on the kids menu, and we assess his mood and behavior before going. If he's had a rough day and we want to eat out, we get takeout. If anything, I get more irritated now that I have a toddler than I did before.

this mom in question didn't do anything to calm her son besides shove a screen in front of his face. How is it that some kids are so dependent on technology now? As a teacher, I see the consequences. I've got a classroom filled with 38 students with the shortest attention spans.

Judge judge judge judge judge.

Christina_Diane · June 2014

MKro2 said:

Instead of thinking of your own inconvenience, maybe show a little more compassion and realize this could very well be you in a few years and you may be eating your own words.
This could be me now because I already have a toddler.

I actually do think of other people. I do this every time we go out. I do this by being prepared so that my toddler doesn't scream or wail in restaurants or stores. And when it happens, because it does happen, I leave as quickly as possible and remove him from the situation. So that is why it is frustrating because it seems as if some parents don't pay any attention to anyone around them.

LuckyPenny1231 · June 2014

I had mild PPD/anxiety after DD was born. I was terrified to leave the house in case *gasp* she started crying. In my head being judged by other people for having an upset child was more than I could handle. And I rarely left the house because of it. My depression got 1000 times worse because of it.

Think twice before judging people, please. If the kid is throwing food or being an absolute terror, then yeah they should leave. But maybe that mom is finally getting out of the house and if an iPhone keeps the peace, so what? Let it go.

Christina_Diane · June 2014

LuckyPenny1231 said:

I had mild PPD/anxiety after DD was born. I was terrified to leave the house in case *gasp* she started crying. In my head being judged by other people for having an upset child was more than I could handle. And I rarely left the house because of it. My depression got 1000 times worse because of it. Think twice before judging people, please. If the kid is throwing food or being an absolute terror, then yeah they should leave. But maybe that mom is finally getting out of the house and if an iPhone keeps the peace, so what? Let it go.

I will never judge a mother with a crying kid who is actively trying to soothe her child. Never. That is a crappy situation to be in. But when the crying is a high pitched wail of a scream that lasts for ten minutes, I will judge if the mom doesn't do anything during that time.

Pips09 · June 2014

WillCMyInk said:

Pips09 said:

MNgirl326 said:

Let me know how your opinion changes over the next 2 years. Shit happens. It's one thing if the parents are ignoring the child. It's another if they are trying to get the kid quiet while waiting for the food. Get off your high horse The are restaurants I would never bring my kid to - because they are fancy quiet places. But other restaurants, oh well. I will do my best to keep him quiet and occupied. Sometimes he cries and wines. Sometimes he doesn't. That's life.

And we are clearly talking about screaming kids who's parents are ignoring the kids and not trying to calm them down. Not parents who are making an effort.

Really? That's funny because I don't see anywhere where it was stated that the parents weren't trying to calm their children. Actually, on the contrary, it sounds like they were trying to distract their child and keep them quiet in the restaurant...

You're right, the OP was not clear about this. I read it incorrectly. My response was meant to separate those parents who are ignoring their child's screaming and one who is trying to do something about it (and all my sympathies for the parents) But everyone is actually talking about the OP, so I guess I'm having a conversation with myself.
>:D<

ETA: Tag @WillCMyInk

YaMrWhite · June 2014

Christina_Diane said:

LuckyPenny1231 said:

I had mild PPD/anxiety after DD was born. I was terrified to leave the house in case *gasp* she started crying. In my head being judged by other people for having an upset child was more than I could handle. And I rarely left the house because of it. My depression got 1000 times worse because of it. Think twice before judging people, please. If the kid is throwing food or being an absolute terror, then yeah they should leave. But maybe that mom is finally getting out of the house and if an iPhone keeps the peace, so what? Let it go.

I will never judge a mother with a crying kid who is actively trying to soothe her child. Never. That is a crappy situation to be in. But when the crying is a high pitched wail of a scream that lasts for ten minutes, I will judge if the mom doesn't do anything during that time.

What restaurant would let this happen? I honestly can't think of a restaurant that wouldn't politely ask the patron with the screaming child (if it has indeed been screaming uncontrollably for 10 whole minutes) to please remove the child from the restaurant. But maybe that's just because I would never let something like this happen and would expect a restaurant to not let it happen either. If a parent honestly sat there and did nothing while their kid screamed for 10 minutes straight, they must be deaf. Or have a really high tolerance for that kind of noise. Or just not give a shit.

ImJessesGirl · June 2014

You know what, people like, I actually hope you get a difficult to soothe child next time. That is so mean of me, but for real, you have no idea what it's like to be that mom. You have no idea what they are dealing with. Get over yourself and your ideals of what parents should and shouldn't do. It's mothers like you that perpetuate the judgement that continues to plague mothers. We are all moms, and we are all just doing the best we can.

MoreThanSparrows08 · June 2014

As a mom who has 2 boys 26 months apart, I've dealt with the fussy infant/toddler/child in a restaurant. Most of the time, when we eat out, it's all four of us, which makes it easier to take a fussy child out of the restaurant to avoid bothering other diners. However, when it's just me, it's harder to do, but I always do everything I can to get them to calm down, and apologize to diners sitting near us that are in the "wake zone".

I agree with OP about shoving an ipad in the kids face instead of actually parenting the child. My kids don't get to play with electronic devices unless they're behaving. If they get frustrated while playing their game, I warn them once that they need to calm down and remember it's just a game, and if they get upset about it again, I take it away. This usually brings on some sort of melt down - if it's loud enough to bother others, I clearly explain to my son (and anyone in earshot) that once he can calm down, we can discuss giving the game back.

I think as parents, we need to be less judgmental of other moms - especially when we've been where they are. Everyone parents differently, and it's not our place to judge whether it's right or wrong. We can have our opinions about it, but what works for us may not work for them and vice versa. We need to remember that, and be sympathetic to other moms. We don't know their whole situation, and even if we did, it wouldn't be our place to pass judgement on their parenting style. Yes, it's annoying to sit in a restaurant and listen to a toddler screaming. Is it permanent? No. Eventually, the kid will tire of screaming, the family will leave, or you will leave, and then it will be over. I don't see the use in getting your panties in such a big twist about it.

Lanatir · June 2014

I've been annoyed by parents not doing much to calm their kids places, but I know DD is unreasonable, too.

What annoys me most is when adults who should know better and can behave better are rude. Like rude to wait staff (if you're being ignored by staff, there are ways around that without being an @$$), people who leave their table to answer a call, but stand right next to yours, or one time we were in a diner type place that also sold knick knack type stuff and there was a piano for sale and the closest table to the piano was the only one our group of 8 could fit at, and someone came up and just right out started playing it. That was rude. I said something to her and she said "Oh I didn't know anyone was sitting here." Lolwut? That stuff makes me shake my head at humanity.

Christina_Diane · June 2014

@YaMrWhite‌ - it happened, and it happens. Managers don't want to say anything to people for fear of backlash.

I worked as a server in a restaurant while I was working on my master's. In had a table that let their small child wander the restaurant. Twice she came into the kitchen and twice I found her and returned her to the parents. My manager did not say anything and told us to not say anything because it could lead to a bad review. I was pissed. The kid was in obvious danger in the kitchen.

BookitBoo · June 2014

Yeah I used to take my son out of the restaurant when he would fuss. And he learned that all he had to do to get to go outside and play with mommy is throw a fit. We sit and work it out, and he is much better behaved now than when we took him out if be started to look fussy. Sometimes that requires a youtube video of Team Umizoomi, because sometimes crayons and toys suck to a toddler. Sorry, but you can't 'prepare' for all of the fits that toddlers throw.

I wonder if you expect children with special needs to behave perfectly in public?

One of my best friends has a son the same age as DS. He has recently been diagnosed with autism but she's known for a while that something was different with him. He doesn't understand words so he doesn't listen, and he can be pretty loud and occasionally inconsolable. She's terrified to take him into public places such as restaurants and I think that's a shame. She deserves to be able to take her son out and I hate that other people have shamed and scared her to the point where she doesn't ever take him out to restaurants.

If it's such an issue and you don't like dealing with the public (to include small children, or children with special needs) maybe you should get your food to go and eat at home where a quiet environment is garaunteed?

rmpar29 · June 2014

I've been that mom and sometimes walking them around the restaurant, or coloring, or playing with toys isn't enough to distract them from making nuisances of themselves. So, Mickey Mouse on my iPhone it is. Go ahead, judge me, but until you have 2 3-year olds and are trying to entertain them while waiting for food you have no clue what that's like. I'd rather the next table hear Mickey (even though it's barely loud enough for my kids to hear) then to hear a child whining or hearing me repeat over and over "Dawson, sit down. Devin, give that train back to your brother." etc.

This parent did what they could to stop their child from screaming. I would be thankful that she had something to quiet the child so I didn't have to listen to screaming anymore.

Christina_Diane · June 2014

We do order takeout often. Sometimes it is because we like the comfort of our own home, and sometimes it is because we don't want to cook, but we just know that DS is in a bad mood. And I would never expect children with special needs to behave perfectly. I would totally eat my words right now if I knew that kid was special needs. @bookitboo.

BookitBoo · June 2014

You don't know, and you can't know unless you ask.

Best advice? Stop judging other parents/children because everyone has extenuating circumstances.

Christina_Diane · June 2014

rmpar29 said:

I've been that mom and sometimes walking them around the restaurant, or coloring, or playing with toys isn't enough to distract them from making nuisances of themselves. So, Mickey Mouse on my iPhone it is. Go ahead, judge me, but until you have 2 3-year olds and are trying to entertain them while waiting for food you have no clue what that's like. I'd rather the next table hear Mickey (even though it's barely loud enough for my kids to hear) then to hear a child whining or hearing me repeat over and over "Dawson, sit down. Devin, give that train back to your brother." etc.

This parent did what they could to stop their child from screaming. I would be thankful that she had something to quiet the child so I didn't have to listen to screaming anymore.

I wouldn't judge that. It was a last resort after you tried and other things failed. My issue at hand is when you don't do anything for a prolonged period of time, and then turn to the screen as the first, the go-to solution.

UberBiz · June 2014

This is kind of OT (sort of, but not), and I don't think anyone on this thread said this, but I've heard it elsewhere where a mother of a young child would criticize another mother with a young child and basically say "well MY child behaves in public because I parent her right" as if assuming the other mother with the rowdy child isn't parenting good enough. I just want to be like, well congratulations for having a well-behaved child, not all of us are so lucky and it has nothing to do with parenting. Kids all have different personalities and behavior patterns. And I agree with @BookitBoo my daughter figured out that she could take an accompanied walk around if she acted up and that was an even harder habit to break than dealing with the crankiness to begin with.

BUT, I also have to agree with OP, if the kid was loudly and inconsolably whining for 10 minutes before the mother did anything and then shoved the electronic device at the kid without other recourse, then yeah, stay home.

WillCMyInk · June 2014

@Pips09 - Apparently we were talking about parents who are ignoring their kids I just didn't read that post because it was a wall of text. My first statement was based on the OP.

ghostof5letters · June 2014

Christina_Diane said:

We do order takeout often. Sometimes it is because we like the comfort of our own home, and sometimes it is because we don't want to cook, but we just know that DS is in a bad mood. And I would never expect children with special needs to behave perfectly. I would totally eat my words right now if I knew that kid was special needs. @bookitboo.

Well, it's obvious you should have walked over to clarify with the parents whether this child was special needs or not. Duh! What an assholeish statement/thought process.

Want a personalized experience?

Toddler/restaurant rant

Re: Toddler/restaurant rant

Choose Another Board

Search Boards