Breast feeding in front of family

TurtleMonsters · June 2014

I breast fed DS, and I had the hardest time in front of family. It worked well as an excuse to get away from some of the family members I can't stand, on one particular side. However, the other side of the family I felt like I was constantly leaving to feed him. These are people I'd bend over backwards for. BFing isn't big in my family, not like it is for me, other babies were formula fed. I was directed to a rocking chair in another room- I assume they were considering my privacy, but I felt more ostracised then considered. I wanted to just hang out comfortably and not resent feeding my child because it was taking away from hanging around them (DS fed hourly- a bit high maintenance).

Anyway, has anyone over come that? It's akin to the feeling of knowing that your parents/aunts/cousins have sex- I feel like it's gross to them and don't want to have it in their faces- esp around my male cousins. But really, I'd like to put those feelings aside, if for nothing more then that I SHOULDN'T feel embarrassed to feed my child, and they shouldn't have that control over me...and they SHOULD be OK with all of this. I feel bad for making them uncomfortable, though- so maybe this is my issue not theirs. I wouldn't have trouble doing it in front of friends of mine, I don't have issues with anyone doing it in front of me. I can do it in front of my mom, and mostly my dad (I don't think I did last time, but I don't remember), but the rest of the family, IDK.

I'm think I'm planning on just doing it an not asking, perhaps they won't even notice. I will be wearing the new LO, so I can likely do it within the sling/wrap. IDK

JayBzo · June 2014

I don't know what to tell you - my mom BF my sisters (much much younger) so I was a teen and I remember her always being "away" also. I used to get on her and say it was fine to do it out here, join the party etc. Often I would go sit with her so she was not alone.

That being said, I do think that was her choice rather than family - we are a very conservative bunch regarding bodies/sex etc. I notice it more as I get older, but we do not discuss these things at all. I for one, will not be comfortable BF in front of my dad I don't think. I wish I was more free spirit about it, but it is something that makes me very uncomfortable. In fact, BF as a whole does - but I am going to do it anyway.

All I can say, is do what is right for you - I would be as modest as you can, but if you can just do it in front of them and see what happens that is what I would do. If someone says something, just explain you are sorry it makes them uncomfortable and is there anything you can do to help them feel better about it without having to leave constantly. It is your baby and while I agree with just being you and doing what you want I don't necessarily think you should flash your boobs just because you can if you know it makes them uncomfortable. I do NOT think you should have to leave the room though.

This is probably somewhat unpopular - I just think things are easier if we consider the other side too!

mamaloaf · June 2014

I plan to feed lo under a nursing cover when in public or in front of family. If anyone is uncomfortable, then I welcome us having an adult conversation about it. Plain and simple.

iris427 · June 2014

I just do it. I usually would use a blanket or scarf or something to cover up a little just to make it less awkward/avoid nip slips. But I don't think I should have to banish myself to another room for an hour every time my baby gets hungry.

slensic · June 2014

I just do it. I use a blanket or a nursing cover. No one ever seemed to mind.

cuntasaurusrex · June 2014

My hospital room, and my house = my tits go where they please, at least when it comes to feeding time. If anyone feels uncomfortable they're welcome to leave the room or my house entirely. That said, I'll probably use a cover of some sort as long as LO will have it.

knitsandgiggles · June 2014

I had the first grandbaby/young child on either side of the family so babies being fed in any sort of way was not the norm. When I first brought DD home, I always went upstairs to my bedroom because I just couldn't imagine nursing in front of my FIL, and even my MIL for that matter. DD and I were still figuring it out.

By their second visit, I would just hang out like I normally would and nurse her with a cover whenever and wherever needed. We had pretty much gotten into a good groove so the process was smoother.

Is it your family that is uncomfortable or are you assuming that they are uncomfortable, OP?

flmomof4 · June 2014

It made me a little nervous at first, but I got over it with time. This time I will be nursing where I please and if someone else is uncomfortable they are free to look away or go to another room.

jnnfrrose6 · June 2014

I think this depends. Were you in your own home and asked to go to another room, or were you in their home? If I'm at home, I'm nursing wherever I'm comfortable. For some family, it's right there wherever we are, for others, I step away. If I'm in someone else's home, though, I try to get an idea of their comfort level before nursing, but if I'm not sure, I ask. Family or not, it's their home and I try and respect their wishes on that.

ETA there =/= their.

cakebatter27 · June 2014

aliletz said:
My hospital room, and my house = my tits go where they please, at least when it comes to feeding time. If anyone feels uncomfortable they're welcome to leave the room or my house entirely. That said, I'll probably use a cover of some sort as long as LO will have it.

I agree 100%. It's 2014 people...you see more tits on People magazine at the check out.

When I go out I'll take a blanket but I'm not giving a rat's ass if someone is uncomfortable. Why shouldn't I feed my child anywhere I wouldn't eat?

shamyfowler · June 2014

At first, I would leave the room. I think mostly because I was uncomfortable about it, and I was a little worried about what other's felt. Especially my dad. But after awhile I got over it as I became more comfortable with BF. Then I would just do it wherever, making sure to bunch a blanket up around DD, not over her completely, just so it looked like I was just holding her all bundled up. And as it turned out, everyone was fine with it. Way more comfortable for me, and I wasn't missing out on anything.

acciovino · June 2014

I was nervous as a FTM. Even my DH doesn't like it. He was not breastfed and has never been around it before DD was born. It's not that he thinks it's gross, it's just not something he's used to. He's better now, but I think he would still prefer me to cover myself. He's a pretty modest person in general though.

I felt weird BFing in front of family last time but they were so cool about it and didn't think it was weird at all. I think it was my own insecurity at the time. This time I honestly will not care and if anyone says something, they can leave the room. I'm not going to hide myself every time LO gets hungry.

I think you should do what makes you comfortable, but also know that some people are not used to it and may take while for them to be comfortable with it.

AKbadwolf · June 2014

In my house, my parents house or in my hospital room I nurse in the open. If they dont like it, they are welcome to leave. In someone elses house I will attempt to cover up unless I know it wont bother them. I wont leave the room though. If they have an issue with my breastfeeding, I will avoid their house until no longer necessary.

JayBzo · June 2014

cakebatter27 said:

My hospital room, and my house = my tits go where they please, at least when it comes to feeding time. If anyone feels uncomfortable they're welcome to leave the room or my house entirely. That said, I'll probably use a cover of some sort as long as LO will have it.
I agree 100%. It's 2014 people...you see more tits on People magazine at the check out. When I go out I'll take a blanket but I'm not giving a rat's ass if someone is uncomfortable. Why shouldn't I feed my child anywhere I wouldn't eat?

I have to say I sort of disagree with this. Although yes, there is nothing wrong with it - and BF is totally acceptable in every way - I do not think we have to purposefully expose people to things that make them uncomfortable just because we feel like it.

My grandparents and father, brother etc - don't need to see my breasts. That doesn't mean I am leaving, but I will try and cover up a bit. Also, I've never seen a nipple in the check out line - and I think that part is what makes people uber uncomfortable - or at least me! Maybe I am old school, but I do feel like certain parts of my body do not need to be shown to certain people regardless of the 'why'.

Edited: Hospital room is another ball game. Which is why only certain folks will be invited in. In my house - I still want to respect my family and not just have my boobs waggling around.

AutumnBonfire · June 2014

My and DH's families are very supportive of breastfeeding, but I always used a cover when nursing DS even in my own house. It was more for my comfort than theirs. When he got older and didn't like the cover, I usually went into another room, again for my comfort. By that time, he wasn't nursing as frequently or as long so it wasn't a big deal.

darkangel42 · June 2014

mana84 said:

I plan to feed lo under a nursing cover when in public or in front of family. If anyone is uncomfortable, then I welcome us having an adult conversation about it. Plain and simple.

Mostly this.

I'll be asking if anyone minds me feeding and if they do, I'll use a cover - same as with my first - because I know the women of the family will be fine and the men will be polite about not being comfortable with me getting my boobs out which is fair enough so a cover should suffice.

I'm not about to leave the room because someone feels uncomfortable knowing it's going on under a cover, that's ridiculous.

iris427 · June 2014

JayBzo said:

cakebatter27 said:

aliletz said:
My hospital room, and my house = my tits go where they please, at least when it comes to feeding time. If anyone feels uncomfortable they're welcome to leave the room or my house entirely. That said, I'll probably use a cover of some sort as long as LO will have it.
I agree 100%. It's 2014 people...you see more tits on People magazine at the check out.

When I go out I'll take a blanket but I'm not giving a rat's ass if someone is uncomfortable. Why shouldn't I feed my child anywhere I wouldn't eat?

I have to say I sort of disagree with this. Although yes, there is nothing wrong with it - and BF is totally acceptable in every way - I do not think we have to purposefully expose people to things that make them uncomfortable just because we feel like it.

My grandparents and father, brother etc - don't need to see my breasts. That doesn't mean I am leaving, but I will try and cover up a bit. Also, I've never seen a nipple in the check out line - and I think that part is what makes people uber uncomfortable - or at least me! Maybe I am old school, but I do feel like certain parts of my body do not need to be shown to certain people regardless of the 'why'.

Edited: Hospital room is another ball game. Which is why only certain folks will be invited in. In my house - I still want to respect my family and not just have my boobs waggling around.

Feeding a baby =/= purposefully exposing things just because we feel like it. It's specifically done not just because the mom feels like it but because the baby HAS to eat.

Also helpful hint: if your boobs are waggling around while you're breastfeeding, you're doing it wrong.

I'm really bothered by the fact that on one hand we have all this societal pressure saying "good moms breastfeed" and OTOH women shouldn't breastfeed in public or in front of others who might not like it because then we're inconsiderate hussies just throwing our boobs in people's faces. So mothers end up shamed if they don't breastfeed, and shamed if they do. It's BS.

mamaloaf · June 2014

darkangel42 said:

mana84 said:

I plan to feed lo under a nursing cover when in public or in front of family. If anyone is uncomfortable, then I welcome us having an adult conversation about it. Plain and simple.

Mostly this.
I'll be asking if anyone minds me feeding and if they do, I'll use a cover - same as with my first - because I know the women of the family will be fine and the men will be polite about not being comfortable with me getting my boobs out which is fair enough so a cover should suffice.
I'm not about to leave the room because someone feels uncomfortable knowing it's going on under a cover, that's ridiculous.

In my mind, it's more awkward/uncomfortable to ask "the men" if they mind me feeding my baby. Because if they actually have the balls to say yes to my face, they're an a-hole. I'd rather save them the embarrassment, be discreet and do my thing. Then if they really are uncomfortable, they can remove themselves from the situation.

JayBzo · June 2014

@iris427 my point is - we can easily do it while tossing a nice little blanket over ourselves and move on without making it a big stink. If the men in your family are good with it and you are too - go for it girly! Get those puppies out.

And my point about waggling - while being lighthearted, which may have been missed by you, was just to simply say I don't need to sit down, rip all my clothes off, have my boobs out, get the baby ready and begin when I can easily BF (without leaving the room or being exiled) and still be semi modest.

This is obviously my opinion, it is your business if you want your tits out for all to see. I see no issue with doing so (BF) while remaining somewhat modest, and I do not think this is me being "shamed". I am comfortable to BF and will do what is best for me/my baby but my dear old gramps doesn't need to see my nipples. Or my neighbors, dad, etc.

Edited to add (BF) for clarification.

flmomof4 · June 2014

JayBzo said:

@iris427 my point is - we can easily do it while tossing a nice little blanket over ourselves and move on without making it a big stink. If the men in your family are good with it and you are too - go for it girly! Get those puppies out.

And my point about waggling - while being lighthearted, which may have been missed by you, was just to simply say I don't need to sit down, rip all my clothes off, have my boobs out, get the baby ready and begin when I can easily BF (without leaving the room or being exiled) and still be semi modest.

This is obviously my opinion, it is your business if you want your tits out for all to see. I see no issue with doing so (BF) while remaining somewhat modest, and I do not think this is me being "shamed". I am comfortable to BF and will do what is best for me/my baby but my dear old gramps doesn't need to see my nipples. Or my neighbors, dad, etc.

Edited to add (BF) for clarification.

I have never once ripped my clothes off and had my boobs out for all to see when BFing. I don't like covers or blankets and don't see why I should have to use one. A nursing tank or bra covers most of your actual boob and baby's head covers the rest of it and the nipple. I could latch my daughter on in seconds. I refuse to go somewhere else because my FIL or neighbor or whoever might feel weird about my baby nursing. That is their problem, not mine. And I don't feel like a jerk about it because I'm being modest and respectful.

Ekg688 · June 2014

Certain family I'll feed in front of (w/ blanket or cover). Others I'll use as an excuse to get away from or will go elsewhere due to my comfort level (aka super extended family). My mom is planning a sip-n-see about 6 weeks after my due date. That should be interesting bc I know it will mostly be people who I wouldn't BF in front of.

Soon2BMrsN · June 2014

I was very self conscious about nursing in front of people, even my own mom, when DS1 was born. I always left the room...at times I felt isolated and at other times, it was nice to get away for a bit. When I had DS2, I was a lot more relaxed, though I still used a blanket and tried to avoid nursing in front of my dad, FIL, brother and BIL just out of courtesy. I'm sure
I'll be even less worried about who sees me feed this time.

JayBzo · June 2014

Clearly exaggerating ladies. But I do think there is plenty of nipple time (of all the ladies I have seen BF - which obviously is not everyone - I have seen lotsa nips in my day) and I for one, would prefer to have things covered up at least until baby is latched.

If you are a super pro and your nipple never shows awesome. Or even if you love your nipples out and DGAF awesome also. It is not for me, I don't want these people seeing my nips (side boob/top boob doesn't bug me) and I know how my family would be - and while no one would say anything I know not being covered up would make them squirm.

I have a super amazing family that would never ask me to leave or let me know they were uncomfortable, but I know our dynamic well enough to know it would make them uncomfortable. I am just saying I feel like we should be understanding of that. As stated previously, multiple times, I never agreed with leaving. And I will not be leaving if I need to BF when they are around.

Also: when I referenced having them out for all to see, that was in response to the comments that boobs will be out when in PP own home. I think those two comments go fairly hand in hand and even though they BOTH may be exaggerated - I am still stating do what you want. I think the comments of "you are doing it wrong" or "why on earth.. this/that" are a little silly. I obviously don't think you are stripping down to the buff to BF (unless that is your thing ha!).

LenaLove · June 2014

My Nephew was the first grandchild on my IL's side, and my SIL always left the room. I just...didn't. I didn't make a big deal about it, but I only ever covered in public like the mall etc, and I'm not even sure I'll do that this time. No one ever told me not to, and I just didn't make it a big deal. I grabbed a pillow, opened my bra under my shirt, and latched DD. When my SIL had her second, she stayed in the main rooms as well, I think I broke the boob ice.

My mom is a doula and nursed 7 children. With my family it is all good. My older nephews (10, 13 and 14) appreciate a heads up because they prefer to leave the room while their aunties nurse, and that is fine, that is their choice, but they leave, not the nursing mother, and it's not a big deal.

My youngest brother is kind of an asshole (not just about this) and tried to tell my sister that she really should consider his comfort when feeding her child, and he was shut down by my mom, dad, and every other person in the room. You're not comfortable with someone feeding their baby? Look somewhere else.

So I guess I would just do what makes YOU feel comfortable. But I'd never ostracize myself to feed my child.

bullybutt · June 2014

If you are noticing a nip slip or boobs on a nursing momma, then you are paying attention WAY too hard. I was a tad self conscious at first with DS, but then I realized that he was more important than the other people in the room and I wasn't about to smother him with a cover (not literally). I wanted to look into those big blue eyes and adore him instead of wondering "am I offending anyone by feeding my child". F that and them if they have a problem! They can take their sensitive asses outta my face!

katnipeverclean · June 2014

First off, I am making a sign for my hospital door that says NURSING MOTHER DO NOT ENTER!!! Please come back in 20 minutes! in very big fucking sparkly ass letters because I do not need the constant parade of medical personel in and out of my room while I am trying to establish a breastfeeding relationship. I am a very very very modest person and having people, even doctors, nurses and MAs, coming in and out would make me hugely uncomfortable. I'll have my mom stick it on the door when we are nursing.

I'll probably nurse with a cover in front of my dad, FIL and brother for all of our comfort. I won't leave the room though. Last time every time I needed to pump I'd have to leave the room to set that circus up and it made me feel isolated and alone.

I'm lucky that my family will support me in every way shape and form when it comes to feeding my baby.

iris427 · June 2014

JayBzo said:
@iris427 my point is - we can easily do it while tossing a nice little blanket over ourselves and move on without making it a big stink. If the men in your family are good with it and you are too - go for it girly! Get those puppies out.

And my point about waggling - while being lighthearted, which may have been missed by you, was just to simply say I don't need to sit down, rip all my clothes off, have my boobs out, get the baby ready and begin when I can easily BF (without leaving the room or being exiled) and still be semi modest.

This is obviously my opinion, it is your business if you want your tits out for all to see. I see no issue with doing so (BF) while remaining somewhat modest, and I do not think this is me being "shamed". I am comfortable to BF and will do what is best for me/my baby but my dear old gramps doesn't need to see my nipples. Or my neighbors, dad, etc.

Edited to add (BF) for clarification.

Yep, every single time I breastfeed, I strip naked and flash my tatas around. Sometimes I spray myself with glitter and hang off a pole at the same time too.

Come on, there is a vast chasm between what you're describing and how real live women behave while breastfeeding. One can breastfeed without a cover AND without looking like a stripper, and I'm guessing you know that.

Jbosarge85 · June 2014

With DD I nursed in front of my mom and MIL no big if my stepdad was there I would slightly angle my body away from him or turn my chair so I could still participate in conversation. I was just getting used to breast feeding so it was hard to cover with my shirt as well as getting her to latch right. Once we got the hang of breast feeding I didn't worry cause I could use my shirt to cover.

LenaLove · June 2014

iris427 said:

@iris427 my point is - we can easily do it while tossing a nice little blanket over ourselves and move on without making it a big stink. If the men in your family are good with it and you are too - go for it girly! Get those puppies out.

And my point about waggling - while being lighthearted, which may have been missed by you, was just to simply say I don't need to sit down, rip all my clothes off, have my boobs out, get the baby ready and begin when I can easily BF (without leaving the room or being exiled) and still be semi modest.

This is obviously my opinion, it is your business if you want your tits out for all to see. I see no issue with doing so (BF) while remaining somewhat modest, and I do not think this is me being "shamed". I am comfortable to BF and will do what is best for me/my baby but my dear old gramps doesn't need to see my nipples. Or my neighbors, dad, etc.

Edited to add (BF) for clarification.
Yep, every single time I breastfeed, I strip naked and flash my tatas around. Sometimes I spray myself with glitter and hang off a pole at the same time too. Come on, there is a vast chasm between what you're describing and how real live women behave while breastfeeding. One can breastfeed without a cover AND without looking like a stripper, and I'm guessing you know that.

I thought you were going to say spray yourself with breast milk. Control your tits lady!

I remember reading a post in days past where someone was all concerned that she would be spraying all the people around her without a cover. Um, wear a bra? breastpads? I wasn't a sprayer, so what do I know.

I have NEVER seen someone rip all their clothes off to breastfeed, but it sounds entertaining.

blacktie3 · June 2014

mana84 said:

I plan to feed lo under a nursing cover when in public or in front of family. If anyone is uncomfortable, then I welcome us having an adult conversation about it. Plain and simple.

THIS!

JayBzo · June 2014

@iris427 yeah girl! I don't care what you do - I'll be covering up being cognizant of those around me. And trust me I don't think you have to worry about FIL/brother/whom ever staring at you and seeing your nipple, but of the men I know, the fact that a nip could slip out would be the uncomfortable part. A simple little light A&A blanket will make them feel more comfy so that is what I'll be doing. It's definitely for both of our sakes - I am not even close to okay with friends/family that aren't close females seeing my breasts.

iris427 · June 2014

JayBzo said:
@iris427 yeah girl! I don't care what you do - I'll be covering up being cognizant of those around me. And trust me I don't think you have to worry about FIL/brother/whom ever staring at you and seeing your nipple, but of the men I know, the fact that a nip could slip out would be the uncomfortable part. A simple little light A&A blanket will make them feel more comfy so that is what I'll be doing. It's definitely for both of our sakes - I am not even close to okay with friends/family that aren't close females seeing my breasts.

I'm not worried but thanks for the reassurance.

SuperTinkerham · June 2014

My goal in life is to become proficient at boobfeeding him while he's in a carrier.

JayBzo · June 2014

@iris427 anything for you

honeybee434 · June 2014

I don't really care one way or another about whether anyone else chooses to use a cover or not. I honestly don't pay attention enough to really notice if I'm out in public or around friends & family. I don't think that I will feel comfortable feeding in front of most of my family or DH's family without a cover or going to another room, but that's just me personally. I'm a FTM so that may change, but knowing myself I will be surprised if it does. I also don't plan on continuing to BF once I go back to work from maternity leave IF BF'ing ends up working out for me. If I was planning on committing more time to it, I have a feeling I would feel differently after I got used to it.

ghostof5letters · June 2014

With my daughter, my dad would leave the room until I was set up and comfortable, and then he'd come back. I did use a cover and it worked well for everyone.

Csltdk · June 2014

I'll BF in front of everyone with the exception of my MIL. Mostly because she will say I'm doing it wrong and have a fear she'll try to bf my baby herself.

cakebatter27 · June 2014

If someone isn't comfortable with their breasts out in front of their closest friends, I'm interested in how modest they will be with their vagina stretched to the max in front of a doctor, nurses, their partner and possibly medical students.

I understand wearing a cover if YOU feel more comfortable. But honestly you and LO are the only ones to be concerned with. Feeding and eating is very natural. And if people are seeing your whole nipple, then you're doing it wrong anyways.

My mom, MIL and all my friends with babies except one breastfeed/fed. So it's pretty normal for me to be comfortable around it. And I've heard it's not always easy so I'll take any help I can get from someone being supportive.

ghostof5letters · June 2014

cakebatter27 said:

If someone isn't comfortable with their breasts out in front of their closest friends, I'm interested in how modest they will be with their vagina stretched to the max in front of a doctor, nurses, their partner and possibly medical students.

You think I should be more comfortable with my breasts out in front of my dad and brother than I am with my doctor?

cakebatter27 · June 2014

ghostof5letters said:

cakebatter27 said:

If someone isn't comfortable with their breasts out in front of their closest friends, I'm interested in how modest they will be with their vagina stretched to the max in front of a doctor, nurses, their partner and possibly medical students.

You think I should be more comfortable with my breasts out in front of my dad and brother than I am with my doctor?

I'm more comfortable with my boobs out than my vagina in front of people I hardly know. I'm very close with my family so I could care less if my dad saw my boobs while feeding his grandchild.

To me, boobs aren't sexual at all during breastfeeding. ..They're a source of nutrients. I think the issue is it makes people uncomfortable because they view them as fun bags and not a baby's food supply. It totally will depend on each person. I find it as whatever. Someone we barely knew breastfed at my sister's party last weekend in front of 20 people. She didn't make a big deal of it so it wasn't a big deal. And she used no cover and I never saw anything. And I was definitely watching because it's something I hope to be doing soon.

I think the more casual and relaxed you are the more comfortable everyone else is. I've been very upfront this entire pregnancy it is what I'll be doing openly.

ghostof5letters · June 2014

cakebatter27 said:

cakebatter27 said:

If someone isn't comfortable with their breasts out in front of their closest friends, I'm interested in how modest they will be with their vagina stretched to the max in front of a doctor, nurses, their partner and possibly medical students.

You think I should be more comfortable with my breasts out in front of my dad and brother than I am with my doctor?

I'm more comfortable with my boobs out than my vagina in front of people I hardly know. I'm very close with my family so I could care less if my dad saw my boobs while feeding his grandchild. To me, boobs aren't sexual at all during breastfeeding. ..They're a source of nutrients. I think the issue is it makes people uncomfortable because they view them as fun bags and not a baby's food supply. It totally will depend on each person. I find it as whatever. Someone we barely knew breastfed at my sister's party last weekend in front of 20 people. She didn't make a big deal of it so it wasn't a big deal. And she used no cover and I never saw anything. And I was definitely watching because it's something I hope to be doing soon. I think the more casual and relaxed you are the more comfortable everyone else is. I've been very upfront this entire pregnancy it is what I'll be doing openly.

My body and medical professionals is nbd at all. Boobs, vagina, butt, I've exposed it all, it's nbd.

When I was breastfeeing (before going to EP) it took a lot to get situated in the beginning and I wasn't comfortable getting into position with the likes of my dad and brother in the room.

I'd much rather have an anal inspection with a doctor and med student and nurse, than haphazardly try to get situated breastfeeding a newborn as a ftm with my dad and brother in the room.

Breast feeding in front of family

Re: Breast feeding in front of family

Choose Another Board

Search Boards