Still pregnant and trying to be Zen not miserable. Anyone else? Come in!

saisongbird · March 2014

I had my first big crying freak out last night. I've been having intermittent contractions for a week and started getting stronger last night. I started freaking out - what if I can't do this whole mom thing, did we do everything WE wanted to do as a couple, how much i'm going to miss proper sleep, or just being selfish and lazy. Of course, they crapped out overnight, so nothing's going anywhere, and I really hope they start up again during my NST today so at least I get some info from my ob. But as much as I am trying to be zen, I'm starting to mourn my pre-pregnancy life, and it makes me really sad.

kmeyers0611 · March 2014

The end of pregnancy is so odd... The whole time I have felt like this experience has been flying by up until the last few weeks. Now I want him to be here so bad I feel like a kid waiting for Christmas and those last few days that just draaaag. Today is much better than yesterday, though! I am sitting here, enjoying a cup of coffee after having paid all the bills - which normally wouldn't make me zen, but knowing that everything is caught up until well after baby gets here makes me feel much more calm- and trying to remind myself to just enjoy the last few days of quiet. Pretty soon I won't be able to have undisturbed quiet and just listening to the rain fall and being alone with my thoughts is kind of a meditation in itself. I hope you ladies find some zen today and I hope that this feeling lasts me all morning!

saisongbird · March 2014

@Jt7dreamz - I want to believe it but I'm finding it so hard right now. Between all of the MOOBS on the board and all off the difficulties they're having from not sleeping to cluster feeds and problems latching to my BFF who has a 9 month old and while I know she adores him and would not do anything different, complains about parenting non-stop, I'm terrified. I've told her a few times that I need to hear more positive from her because she's scaring the shit out of me but he's teething and her husband doesn't help as much as he needs to.

Combine that with my husband's job, where his immediate boss has become even more of a prick in the last month (forcing him to come in up to an hour and a half early and not letting him leave at the end of the day), and I'm scared. Really scared. I want to meet my little girl so badly but I'm really starting to question everything, including why we wanted to do this. We were lucky and got pregnant so fast but because everything happened right away I feel like we never got that last hurrah, kwim?

jmc3457 · March 2014

I've been trying to stay as zen as possible and I think I am doing better this time around then I did with DS.
I am still working and as usual have too much on my plate but it actually helps me because its a distraction and the time goes by faster. I'm trying to get in as much baby prep as possible and did some freezer meals this weekend and have a few more to go. The thing that is causing me more anxiety right now then anything, is this giant bridal shower I am helping plan and execute only 6days after my edd. Gaaaaah what was I thinking and why do I always feel bad saying no!!

I am trying for a vbac and am so hopeful it will happen. I just keep telling myself over and over that my body can do this. We have a RCS for my edd and I wish I would have put it off another week but felt the pressure from one particular DR at the practice and of course bride who has put me on a guilt trip about possibly missing her day (I know she's not fully serious but still).

The way I look at it is when she arrives, it is LO first decision as a person! She needs to make it, not me and I need to respect her and go with the flow. The rationalization may sound a bit cray but hey its been helping me out!

AnonymousMotherOfOne · March 2014

Jt7dreamz said:

saisongbird said:
I had my first big crying freak out last night. I've been having intermittent contractions for a week and started getting stronger last night. I started freaking out - what if I can't do this whole mom thing, did we do everything WE wanted to do as a couple, how much i'm going to miss proper sleep, or just being selfish and lazy. Of course, they crapped out overnight, so nothing's going anywhere, and I really hope they start up again during my NST today so at least I get some info from my ob. But as much as I am trying to be zen, I'm starting to mourn my pre-pregnancy life, and it makes me really sad.
You sound like me. I was crying last night same reasons. My hubby put it best "it will be different but it's going to be wonderful"

I had the same thing last night, too. Must be something in the water. Or the pineapple. Or the rrl tea.

We can so do this, guys. We were literally made for this.

#GirlPowerIsAwesome
#IHateHashtags
#Ironyyyyy

saisongbird · March 2014

I'm on LI and while we have plenty nearby, it's nowhere near the availability of delivery that the city has. We still have 30-45 minute commutes, which also worries me.

I feel like so many people have just given me that knowing, loving laugh of "just wait" so many times that I can't take it anymore. I really just need someone to be reassuring and I feel like even when DH tries, it's not enough because I hear the opposite from so many people. It's really screwing with my head.

Sanibel21 · March 2014

Adding my bit of zen for the day. Up all night from congestion and peeing. But I'm accepting what is. I'm at work and taking it task by task without going over my limit. Looking forward to lounging tonight and having tomorrow off. I can get through this!! We can get through this!!

kmeyers0611 · March 2014

saisongbird said:

I'm on LI and while we have plenty nearby, it's nowhere near the availability of delivery that the city has. We still have 30-45 minute commutes, which also worries me.

I feel like so many people have just given me that knowing, loving laugh of "just wait" so many times that I can't take it anymore. I really just need someone to be reassuring and I feel like even when DH tries, it's not enough because I hear the opposite from so many people. It's really screwing with my head.

When people give me the "just you wait" speeches, they always end them though with comments like "but honestly, I wouldn't change it for the world." That's what I have been focusing on. You need to take some deep breaths and realize that if all these people thought it were truly terrible, no one would ever have a second child! Are things going to be different? Of course, they will. Will it be tough for a little while? Sure! But, are you going to have little joys every day that you never knew were possible? You bet! It's ok to mourn a bit for your pre-pregnancy life, but kids aren't going to be a ball and chain for you. You can still go out for Friday night dinners, they just might not end quite the same way. Take the baby with you! Chances are they will sleep through it anyway, in the beginning at least. But your idea of a perfect Friday night will likely change from having a few drinks and a late night out to watching your baby work so hard to finally roll over and you get to cheer baby on the whole way. I am not trying to be super sappy or anything, but acknowledge the fact that you will be "losing" a few things in life and then start focusing on all the things you are going to gain! All these people who like to rib you with the "just you wait" comments are trying (In not the best way) to welcome you into the fold of parenthood!

saisongbird · March 2014

I totally get that they're trying to "welcome me," but when it's 10 negative things followed by that one positive, it gets hard to hear.

I don't mean to be so down in the Zen thread...I just feel so lost right now.

ewallace00 · March 2014

@jt7dreamz I, too, am jealous about you losing your MP!

I too, have been studying used TP for weeks, hoping for something, anything. I have had cervix progression each week for the last three Monday doc appointments, so I know my body is doing its thing, but it's on its OWN schedule. @bennieangel and @pepperedmoth I loved that article about our "between" stage. It's so true. The part about induction and control helped remind me to just chill and let it happen.

I'm so impatient and really just ready to not work for a few months. I'm struggling to be Zen, especially with it being a cold rainy day here in Chicago. I am having lunch with my best friend today, and I'm going to walk around the mall to get some fresh air. Zen Zen Zen

Good luck today ladies, stay positive!

aLsMay24 · March 2014

Searching for a positive this morning. This morning is the first that the contractions have stated noticeable once I got out of bed. They are still all over the place and not painful but they are something.

Today I'm either determined to have a clean house for another day or so or a clean one for when the ILs arrive to watch DS.

iheartbooks · March 2014

I'm 41 weeks today (although I'm not convinced my due date wasn't off, but anyways)... I'm focusing on the fact that I'm a little excited that it's looking like I'll officially have a Spring baby! All the symbolism of new beginnings and fresh starts!

kaking78 · March 2014

@lnvane00 and @minnow1984 We seem to all be in the same boat - 41 weeks today and still pregnant! March 12 must be a special EDD. One way or another, none of us will be pregnant for ever. That's my new mantra.

lnvane00 · March 2014

kaking78 said:
@lnvane00 and @minnow1984 We seem to all be in the same boat - 41 weeks today and still pregnant! March 12 must be a special EDD. One way or another, none of us will be pregnant for ever. That's my new mantra.

Oh wow! What is up with that!!? I didnt realize there was anybody left with that due date

yay!

iheartbooks · March 2014

lnvane00 said:

@lnvane00 and @minnow1984 We seem to all be in the same boat - 41 weeks today and still pregnant! March 12 must be a special EDD. One way or another, none of us will be pregnant for ever. That's my new mantra.
Oh wow! What is up with that!!? I didnt realize there was anybody left with that due date yay!

It's nice to have company from fellow March 12 EDDs! However it happens, babies will be here soon for all of us!

lnvane00 · March 2014

@Jt7dreamz‌

I'm glad you are so close to my date since in the last few days you have been my rock.. xo

MeganFrench120389 · March 2014

I'm so happy to be reading all the wonderful and supportive comments! I especially love the concerns; it's nice to know I'm not the only one worrying about "was this the right time?" Or "am I going to be a good mom?"
I feel crazy but I know that my body is going to take control when it needs to. That has been my zen.

We are handed only as much as we can handle, even if at the time it seems like too much.

pepperedmoth · March 2014

Hugs to all!

I have been up and down today. Went to my 39-week MW visit (I'm 39+2) which was lovely as always. We talked about L&D and all sorts of things. I was reassured that my pregnancy continues to be normal, normal, normal, no pressure for LO to come, I will not be induced until 42 weeks, which is all what I wanted to hear!

I took myself out to lunch, browsed a used bookstore, went and finally toured the birthing center with my doula who asked lots of great questions, and it was all good and lovely.

Then I came home and collapsed on the couch in a funk. I am ready! I am just like the woman from the Zwieschen article. I have read the books I have prepared the space I have cleaned the house (except how the kitchen needs to be done again . . .) ready!

Now just to wait. Sigh . . . meditate . . .

ewallace00 · March 2014

@pepperedmoth hang in there!! I'm in a similar boat right now. I was active this morning through early afternoon, and now I'm back at home with not much to do.

pepperedmoth · March 2014

@ewallace00 I had forgotten how close our dates are! (I have been all mobile all the time until I went on mat leave this week . . . now I am home on the computer and can see tickers!)

It's nice to have an almost-date-buddy in this thread. :-)

Sanibel21 · March 2014

Jt7dreamz said:

@Jt7dreamz‌ I'm glad you are so close to my date since in the last few days you have been my rock.. xo
You made me teary. This thread has been a godsend. It's filled with normal supportive people. Hugs!

I love this thread too! I love that just by trying to send out my positive intentions and hearing others' makes me feel better, and it sounds like it makes a lot of you feel better too. How awesome!

I have made it home from work and am on the couch in pjs catching up on my trashy reality tv before DH gets home. I am content.

@pepperedmoth, I hope your evening funk lifts soon!

Pinecone21 · March 2014

I think this thread hits just the right note between puppies & rainbow and realistic frustration.

I just got my first "just checking in" text. My due date is this weekend, so I expect to receive quite a few in the next days. But I'm choosing to just enjoy my frosty at Wendy's before going to my tutoring appointment. Mmm, frosty.

wearebirds · March 2014

I just can't find my zen!!!

I want to crawl out of my skin I'm so uncomfortable!!

Had my 38 week appt today (im 38 + 6)...I'll be 39 weeks tomorrow. After all of my cramping and contractions...Absolutely no progress. I cried. I know it technically means absolutely nothing but geez Louise.

Next appointment will be on my due date. If she's not here by then we will schedule an induction the following week. I'm praying she comes before then.

I just can't pull myself out of this funk.

MeganFrench120389 · March 2014

wearebirds said:
I just can't find my zen!!!

I want to crawl out of my skin I'm so uncomfortable!!

Had my 38 week appt today (im 38 + 6)...I'll be 39 weeks tomorrow. After all of my cramping and contractions...Absolutely no progress. I cried. I know it technically means absolutely nothing but geez Louise.

Next appointment will be on my due date. If she's not here by then we will schedule an induction the following week. I'm praying she comes before then.

I just can't pull myself out of this funk.

I know how you feel. I'm 39 weeks tomorrow and have made zero progress between this week and last. It drives me crazy because I just want her out.
I think what had helped me is to just take a deep breath and mentally come to terms with what is happening. We will have babies before Easter. That in itself is pretty amazing. Whether or not an induction has to happen, we won't be pregnant forever.
Women are strong

and thankfully it's almost over.

pepperedmoth · March 2014

I'm feeling better since MH came home. :-)

Is anyone declining cervical checks to take that part of the mind game out? My midwives don't routinely even start checking until 40 weeks, so I haven't had one yet at all. I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about that at first, but turns out I've really liked not knowing . . . it's doin' what it's doin' and that's all there is to it.

Of course all this will be blown on Monday when they DO check . . . ah well.

pepperedmoth · March 2014

wearebirds said:

I just can't find my zen!!! I want to crawl out of my skin I'm so uncomfortable!! Had my 38 week appt today (im 38 + 6)...I'll be 39 weeks tomorrow. After all of my cramping and contractions...Absolutely no progress. I cried. I know it technically means absolutely nothing but geez Louise. Next appointment will be on my due date. If she's not here by then we will schedule an induction the following week. I'm praying she comes before then. I just can't pull myself out of this funk.

Hugs. Is there something nice you can do for yourself? A treat? A book, a movie, an ice cream cone?

kaking78 · March 2014

pepperedmoth said:

I'm feeling better since MH came home. :-)

Is anyone declining cervical checks to take that part of the mind game out? My midwives don't routinely even start checking until 40 weeks, so I haven't had one yet at all. I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about that at first, but turns out I've really liked not knowing . . . it's doin' what it's doin' and that's all there is to it.

Of course all this will be blown on Monday when they DO check . . . ah well.

I am! I only had one check and that was after the great gastrointestinal illness of week 38 because the raging GI tract and dehydration caused me to have some contractions. I'll probably have one tomorrow at 41+1 just to get an idea where we stand and if we need to think about scheduling an induction.

WoodShopGirl · March 2014

Re: cervical check, I have been getting them since 38 weeks (so 2 weeks now). I like knowing, but I made the mistake of telling my mom that at 39 weeks I was 2 cm. She has since called me every single day "just checking in". She actually said to me this morning that she had expected me to go by now since I was 2 cm on Friday. I usually only talk to her 2-3 times a week and it is starting to wear on my zen.

So today when she called I told her I would prefer if I called her with any updates, which means that I will not likely not talk to her tomorrow but would call on Friday after my aappointment. She was actually a lot cooler about that than I thought. I told her of course if something happens she will know, but at this point the constant questions from everyone were starting to wear on me and it would help me out if she didn't do that too. She understood.

CruiseGirl28 · March 2014

Poor DH. He has been getting a ton of texts/questions from people at work about when the baby's coming. I had a few, but he has it way worse.

kkranberry · March 2014

I was going to decline the cervical checks, but doc told me they actually help to nudge your progression along.

iheartbooks · March 2014

I've been having cervical checks since week 36, except I skipped week 38 only because I didn't feel like taking my shoes off to get undressed... it's so to get them back on, haha! I haven't made any progress and am now week 41. I guess it's interesting, but knowing it doesn't necessarily mean much keeps me from getting frustrated that I'm not "progressing".

jh&kh · March 2014

My zen is diminishing. I thought for sure as a STM I would have recognizable contractions by now, but I've still got nothing. (39 +1) my doctor keeps telling me something is happening because I'm 2cm, but my cervical checks are the MOST horribly painful because my cervix is still posterior... Same thing happened with DD1 and my cervix didn't tilt anterior til actual labor. I feel like that was rambling but I'm just getting more anxious!

lnvane00 · March 2014

I declined cervical checks until last week when I hit 40&1. I wasn't dilated at all...

kmeyers0611 · March 2014

jh&kh said:
My zen is diminishing. I thought for sure as a STM I would have recognizable contractions by now, but I've still got nothing. (39 +1) my doctor keeps telling me something is happening because I'm 2cm, but my cervical checks are the MOST horribly painful because my cervix is still posterior... Same thing happened with DD1 and my cervix didn't tilt anterior til actual labor. I feel like that was rambling but I'm just getting more anxious!

FTM, but mine is so far posterior she can't even reach to see if I am dilated at all! It sucks so bad!

Sanibel21 · March 2014

I haven't really had to decline cervical checks because my doc doesn't really do them unless requested. She said at 39-40 weeks it might be helpful because I'm GBS + and if I call with contractions, it might make them lean towards having me come sooner or wait longer, depending on how dilated I recently was? I dunno. But unfortunately I'm seeing a different doc today because mine is on vaca. So we'll see what her deal is. I don't know if I'd decline if she wanted to check. I'm trying to be zen about seeing someone different because I should meet some of the other providers who may be in the day I go into labor.
Even though I was up 32,000 times last night, I kept falling right back asleep which is an improvement over the last three weeks. I do remember a dream so I got to an REM cycle! I call it a win.
After my appt I have to get an awful noise checked in my car. Hoping for not a huge bill. But I'm just going to have to accept whatever it is.
Also I usually talk to my mom after appts. But she's been so cool to me that the only time we talked, she didn't even talk about the baby. So who knows how its will go. I can only control myself. I cannot control how she acts.
Yikes! That turned into a long list of zen intentions! I hope we all can overcome our zen obstacles today!!

Sanibel21 · March 2014

Jt7dreamz said:
Woke up teary today. Not sure why. I even used my expensive shampoo and blow out my hair last night.

Today I have a bpp at 11 to check on lo. Then I'm treating myself to a fancy lunch. Then more Accupuncture.

I also have a closet installer coming from container store at 8 am for the guest room closet. Call it final nesting.

For those of you overdue. I will be 41 weeks mañana. Advice welcome!!

I'm not overdue yet so I have no advice but just wanted to send hugs and I hope your teary morning turns into a happy afternoon!

WoodShopGirl · March 2014

@Jt7dreamz I am not overdue quite yet, but wanted to say your day sounds like you are on the right track. Hugs it gets less teary and you enjoy lunch.

I am actually feeling pretty zen this morning. It may just be that I am in a fog at work and not really touching base with reality, but if it is a fog that makes me zen I will take it. I am considering it a semi-meditative state.

Happy Zen Thursday.

jennbaylor12 · March 2014

Good morning Zen ladies :-) I'm currently lying on bed preparing to have a Zen day. If I don't go into labor today or tomorrow early I'm scheduled for an induction tomorrow evening, so I'm setting my mind on positive things today and trying to relax, hoping that encourages things to move along. My hope is that, at the very least, if I haven't gone into labor that things will have progressed enough that I'm not starting the induction from scratch....

I hope you all have a Zen-like first day of Spring!!!! :-)

AnonymousMotherOfOne · March 2014

For the first time in ages, and I'm sorrynotsorry I'm rubbing it in a little, but I only got up to pee ONCE last night. I feel so much better after an almost full night of sleep, it's astounding. I even almost slept trough MH getting ready for his day this morning; I did wake up to give him our normal morning goodbye kiss and lock the door after him though. ^_^

I think today will be spent relaxing, and still trying to get over whatever weirdness I'm feeling right now. I might even motivate myself to go to the half price book store to find myself some new reading material!

kkranberry · March 2014

@jennybaylor2 good luck with the induction, hopefully you won't need it!

I am trying to be zen even though it is the first day of spring and my husband is out plowing the driveway from the 8" of snow we got last night (and it is still snowing!!!!) I have my 39 week appt in a couple of hours, my ob is 1.5 hours away, so this should be a fun drive! I am thinking maybe a manicure after the appt. and maybe a haircut. It would feel nice to do those things.

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