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[Deleted User] · February 2014

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pgermain11 · February 2014

mimi4347 said:

pgermain11 said:

mimi4347 said:

pgermain11 said:

mimi4347 said:

pgermain11 said:

I see you're point. I maybe wasn't specific enough. I genuinely don't mean to come off spoiled. The house comment was one of many comments this particular person has given me. I didn't feel like elaborating so dramatically on it. If I wanted to write out a page then I would of done just that.

And here is the thing with generalizations, no matter what anyone says there will always be a counter argument. So unless someone is going to type out both sides of an opinion or argument, then I see nothing wrong with making a general statement bc it's just meant to tell about one side of whatever is being discussed.

Then again I forget how everything is so readily dissected in these kind of threads.

Of course there are always counterarguments - that's the whole point of these threads. And the problem isn't generalizations (which are also pretty much the point of these threads) - the problem is when people take one very specific thing and turn it into a generalization when it shouldn't be, and then try to justify their blanket statement with that very specific example.
Maybe it's just me but when I see something that seem general I definitely don't mind offering a counter argument to it while also asking for clarification. I really dislike any judgement calls based on something I don't know more about and I'm also not quick to assume things. Maybe someone makes a general statement bc it would take a fucking novel to write out more or maybe they make a general statement bc they don't want to bore everyone around them with details. Shit, maybe it's to spark discussion, but regardless if you're wondering what is going on, then you can at least ask, "what do you mean by that..", "how do you feel about this.." There are quite a few women on here who know to respectfully disagree, state their opinion, and not come off sounded like their on a high horse of knowledge.

Your original post clearly stated that your good situation was a result of your own good decisions, not luck. That's what I was responding to. And I know you clarified later - but that was my whole point, that generalizations based on one small specific thing are bound to result in UOs that come off as spoiled or ignorant even if you aren't either of those things, so they're a bad idea and I'm sick of them. I don't usually allow posts to bother me - honestly, your post didn't bother me - but before coming here today I was talking to some other moms on a shortgut support site, and it struck a chord that I couldn't just ignore. It's not good or bad decisions that left one mom swimming in medical debt with a teenager who will probably never eat a bite of real food again. (I wonder if they have a nice house?) Yeah, you're pretty fucking lucky, and so am I.

I don't think anything I said was disrespectful. I didn't mean for my response to be a personal attack (I don't think it was?). But the idea that "I'm not lucky because I worked hard for all these things" is absolutely full of entitlement and ignores the fact that you are extremely lucky not to have run into insurmountable circumstances that were beyond your control. It implies that others who are worse off have earned their "bad luck," and that is a certain kind of spoiled.

If you recognize that you're lucky in addition to your good decisions and hard work, then that doesn't apply to you.

Again, the issue is not the generalization (although I personally try to avoid those because I think they're usually a bad idea). It's that the generalization is apparently not what you even meant, and now you're getting all up in arms about people responding to what you said. It's no different from saying "people who can't afford their children shouldn't have more children" and then backpedaling to say, "well, I really just meant this one person I know shouldn't have more children." The first thing is pretty shitty; if you don't mean it, don't say it.

Personally I think the inferences on my post were too strong from you in particular. Everyone else said their piece and that was that however your particular comment made you sound very bothered by my general statement. I get it... You hate general statements and it's fine to let someone know that they sound entitled or what not but to me it came across like a personal attack. If it wasn't then great and I'm glad you stated how you felt.

But seriously, how the hell am I suppose to know what you were talking about with another friend recently. I fell like you're twisting what I said to fit your personal discussion earlier. Also, it's not back pedaling to clarify and elaborate when other arguments are presented. That's how conversation usually flows. And if I say something that didn't make sense or in this case, to you sounded like I'm spoiled, then I'm happy to defend my position that I did NOT intend to discredit the idea of luck or come across as "entitled".

We could probably continue this for several more pages and I really don't want to. It may seem bc I keep responding that I'm upset or have my panties in a bunch (love that saying), but I'm not. I didn't clarify and that seems to be something I need to work on.

[Deleted User] · February 2014

When I read things I don't agree with or care about...all I hear is blah blah blah. I just skip it.

:I am feeling pretty cocky now since I am sitting in a darkened bar chilling right now.:

[Deleted User] · February 2014

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Stina2012 · February 2014

Meimsx said:

ncchnat said:

Stina2012 said:

Regarding the snow wars. I don't understand why anyone IRL gives a rats ass. We are home cuddling our babies people! It is a day of happiness! I loathe FB posts with sarcastic snow remarks.

I also get pissed that DHs cousin, who is in debt from getting a degree in archival library, going back to school to be a school librarian, living at home and being a substitute teacher to make money makes a MILLION comments about "poor me, no school from snow means no money". Get a different job bitch! And get in line for a set of real problems.

Wow...

You think living at home and worrying about finances aren't real problems?

ETA: Librarian jobs aren't that easy to come by and by being a sub, she at least has a presence within the school system should one become available.

True story. My mother has a masters in library science and has had it for several years. She works for the library district in our county and still hasn't had the opportunity to actually become a librarian. She's in management and it's a good job but it's not a librarian position. And just because this person lives at home doesn't mean she doesn't have bills to pay.
ETA: And when I say several years I mean she's been working for the district for 20. She went back for her masters and has had that for I think 10. She's even started on a second masters and they just don't come up that often.
----------------------------------------

Reading that back my comments were harsh. What bugs me is the way she posts things. Like "the stupid school district cancelled for snow yet again, don't they know I need to work this week." I agree being a sub gives her access to the position or types of position she wants. Honestly, she's socially awkward and entitled. If you met her IRL you'd get her tone and why it's annoying.

For example, she wanted to go to a librarian conference to network. So she set up a fundraiser on FB so her friends would pay for her to attend. DH felt bad for her and we flew her to the conference with our miles. She has never ONCE thanked us in any way (verbal or written) for doing that. So that's the context for my judgement.

gutsymama · February 2014

pgermain11 said:

Personally I think the inferences on my post were too strong from you in particular. Everyone else said their piece and that was that however your particular comment made you sound very bothered by my general statement. I get it... You hate general statements and it's fine to let someone know that they sound entitled or what not but to me it came across like a personal attack. If it wasn't then great and I'm glad you stated how you felt. But seriously, how the hell am I suppose to know what you were talking about with another friend recently. I fell like you're twisting what I said to fit your personal discussion earlier. Also, it's not back pedaling to clarify and elaborate when other arguments are presented. That's how conversation usually flows. And if I say something that didn't make sense or in this case, to you sounded like I'm spoiled, then I'm happy to defend my position that I did NOT intend to discredit the idea of luck or come across as "entitled". We could probably continue this for several more pages and I really don't want to. It may seem bc I keep responding that I'm upset or have my panties in a bunch (love that saying), but I'm not. I didn't clarify and that seems to be something I need to work on.

My previous personal discussion was the reason I felt compelled to respond, but it wasn't the reason I said what I said - I purposefully left it out initially, because the details were irrelevant.

Statements have implications. Pointing out what those implications are =/= twisting things.

I'm done with this too - I'm glad we at least agree on something.

sparkymcgeee · February 2014

I actually agree with SRC. She said what I wanted to say better than I could. I get really ragey when someone blames my emotions on hormones because like she said, it implies that they aren't legitimate and I'm being irrational and they don't need to consider my feelings.

sparkymcgeee · February 2014

Stina2012 said:

ncchnat said:

Stina2012 said:

Regarding the snow wars. I don't understand why anyone IRL gives a rats ass. We are home cuddling our babies people! It is a day of happiness! I loathe FB posts with sarcastic snow remarks. I also get pissed that DHs cousin, who is in debt from getting a degree in archival library, going back to school to be a school librarian, living at home and being a substitute teacher to make money makes a MILLION comments about "poor me, no school from snow means no money". Get a different job bitch! And get in line for a set of real problems.

Wow...

You think living at home and worrying about finances aren't real problems?

ETA: Librarian jobs aren't that easy to come by and by being a sub, she at least has a presence within the school system should one become available.

True story. My mother has a masters in library science and has had it for several years. She works for the library district in our county and still hasn't had the opportunity to actually become a librarian. She's in management and it's a good job but it's not a librarian position. And just because this person lives at home doesn't mean she doesn't have bills to pay. ETA: And when I say several years I mean she's been working for the district for 20. She went back for her masters and has had that for I think 10. She's even started on a second masters and they just don't come up that often.
---------------------------------------- Reading that back my comments were harsh. What bugs me is the way she posts things. Like "the stupid school district cancelled for snow yet again, don't they know I need to work this week." I agree being a sub gives her access to the position or types of position she wants. Honestly, she's socially awkward and entitled. If you met her IRL you'd get her tone and why it's annoying. For example, she wanted to go to a librarian conference to network. So she set up a fundraiser on FB so her friends would pay for her to attend. DH felt bad for her and we flew her to the conference with our miles. She has never ONCE thanked us in any way (verbal or written) for doing that. So that's the context for my judgement.

Fair enough. I think I just became upset about it because as many of you know I don't have to pay rent so some members of my family see me as entitled or freeloading and that I don't have bills to pay. Which is very much not true. And I'm a bit angry FOR my mother because she's worked really hard her whole life on a degree and job she really loves and she hasn't had the opportunity even within her work environment to use that degree. Librarian jobs are hard to come by and even harder to make the pay that deserve. Especially if you actually want to work IN a library. There are random jobs that want "librarians" but that's not what she wants. She doesn't want a job for a corporation cataloging files and petri dishes.

Stina2012 · February 2014

maryannespier said:

Well this whole thread make me question that masters in library science!

Also, the day @mimi4637 is disrespectful is the day I'll eat my hat.

Get the degree if you want to do it! But don't think that school systems should stay open on snowy days just for you. :ar!

grapeskittles4lyfe · February 2014

@somerandomchick

I'd consider myself a raging feminist (by American standards). I get where you're coming from and I guess I'm a bit more lenient on the "hormones!" phrase because I've been lucky enough not to be confronted with it in that way (someone else belittling my emotions/arguments/etc because of me being a woman).

But in the first two weeks after LO was born I was a MESS. Not in a bad way. I would randomly start crying at happy commercials, happy thoughts, happy colors (WTF?). When BF saw my "waterworks imminent" face, he would smile, pass the tissues and ask what wonderful thing happened to make me cry. Of course he ribbed me occasionally, but never denigrating what I was feeling. And I have a hard time consolidating the happy tears I was willing to shed at the drop of a hat with how I was before (and since). Hormones. So, yes, I think people behave differently due to hormones. Reducing someone's statements/feelings to irrelevancy because of them? Not OK.

Mom2bois85 · February 2014

Ok I started this thread so I am decidedly lightening the mood by attempting to change the subject...
This is more of a FFFC but...
I had a dream I had a ménage tois with DH & HIS BROTHER...
And I've never met him! Yea! Talk about an awkward family reunion!

And cue the banjo music and comense with the deliverance gifs now! Bahaha

sparkymcgeee · February 2014

amparo1981 said:

@somerandomchick

I'd consider myself a raging feminist (by American standards). I get where you're coming from and I guess I'm a bit more lenient on the "hormones!" phrase because I've been lucky enough not to be confronted with it in that way (someone else belittling my emotions/arguments/etc because of me being a woman).
But in the first two weeks after LO was born I was a MESS. Not in a bad way. I would randomly start crying at happy commercials, happy thoughts, happy colors (WTF?). When BF saw my "waterworks imminent" face, he would smile, pass the tissues and ask what wonderful thing happened to make me cry. Of course he ribbed me occasionally, but never denigrating what I was feeling. And I have a hard time consolidating the happy tears I was willing to shed at the drop of a hat with how I was before (and since). Hormones. So, yes, I think people behave differently due to hormones. Reducing someone's statements/feelings to irrelevancy because of them? Not OK.

But the point is that just because you had those feelings didn't mean you weren't entitled to them or they weren't valid. They may have been more at the surface and they were brought out easier but they were your thoughts and feelings and you are allowed to feel them. To have someone brush you off because of how they surfaced isn't fair to you. I've had people do this in real life. My uncle is a complete chauvinist and blames a lot of my feelings on hormones. Whether or not they are there. It's belittling and infuriating to be disregarded because I'm just a woman to him. It's also a constant because he has special needs and doesn't learn like everyone else typically learns.

[Deleted User] · February 2014

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sparkymcgeee · February 2014

mermomo5 said:

In my head this is how I now invision @Meimsx and @Somerandomchick

I don't see anything. :-/

grapeskittles4lyfe · February 2014

mermom, you got the hair color wrong

[Deleted User] · February 2014

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Mom2bois85 · February 2014

mermomo5 said:
In my head this is how I now invision @Meimsx and @Somerandomchick

I have seen that photo before...I swear this pic was taken at my college

thegoodpotato · February 2014

RE: snow...

I happen to work for a highways dept, and have lived in very snowy areas (30 FEET of snow each winter when we lived on the border with Alaska).

1. Snowy roads require maintenance. Maintenance budgets and machinery are based on what is expected and what can be handles by public budgets. No ploughs = no maintenance = dangerous driving conditions.

2. Yes, we in the north can drive in 2" of snow. BUT we have (a) snow tires and (b) experience.

As an extremely seasoned winter driver (and I didn't always have a 4x4 - I drove in a standard transmission vw golf with no ABS for many many years), I still found it very difficult, when in a slide, to take my foot off the brake and use the gas pedal when every instinct in my body was screaming to try to stop the car. Not everyone knows what to do in a skid, even in cold climates. Experience is 75% of winter driving.

Also, I have found that, now that I'm living in a warmer area, the snow is very, very different. Because the temperature usually hovers around the freezing point, the snow is really wet and much more slippery than it is in the snowy regions of the province.

So, I think it's appropriate for people who are unprepared for snow to stay home in it. It can be a very big deal even to get just a little, and dangerous when driving around in a half ton of metal, even at slow speeds.

valstulas · February 2014

God, those 5 year old Chinese child laborers who work 13+ hour days for pennies per hour live in unsanitary conditions because they don't work hard enough.

Damn lazy, free-loading children! They really make us hard-working 'muricans look like we're just lucky.

thegoodpotato · February 2014

maryannespier said:

@thegoodpotato =D>

Thanks. $:\$ ">

reallylongusername · February 2014

Dccornel said:

I paid off my car today, I am not excited about it. Just kinda like meh ... Okay, bill gone. But I feel guilty for not being excited about it. BUT then ... I keep questioning why I should feel guilty. Vicious cycle.

When my brother paid off his car his g/f made him a brownie cake w/a car on top made out of Twizzlers and stuff. Methinks you need this.

thegoodpotato · February 2014

maryannespier said:

I slow clap as someone who learned how to drive during the winter in Vermont. I'm a good snow driver. It's still dangerous. And it's even more dangerous when you have a bunch of skiers from NYC in rented Escalades who think they can drive like assholes because they have 4WD.

Ohhhhhh, 4x4 a-holes are the WORST!!! 4x4 only helps you to get started, or gain traction if you're slipping in forward motion. 4x4 does nothing (NOTHING!) for skids or slides. So many inexperienced people think 4x4 is the be all and end all of winter driving when, in fact, it isn't even necessary 90% of the time. Good snow tires and a front wheel drive is enough to get you through most winter driving situations.

thegoodpotato · February 2014

Also, my own UO.... I hate decorative throw pillows. HATE THEM!!!!

(I'm really into capital letters today!)

[Deleted User] · February 2014

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Stacey099 · February 2014

thegoodpotato said:
Also, my own UO.... I hate decorative throw pillows. HATE THEM!!!!

(I'm really into capital letters today!)

Yes! Useless and they just get in the way

ljs4117 · February 2014

somerandomchick said:

Another from me:

I do believe that women act differently when they are hormonal. Either from AF or being KTFU. I don't see why it is a bad thing. Just because you are being hormonal doesn't make your points any less valid. I don't understand why on the bump everyone is so uptight about calling pregnant ladies hormonal and that is the reason for some of the OVER reactions. No reason to get pissed or say that we are bringing down woman kind when someone says " Wow, you are being hormonal" Must be the the hormones talking" You probably are own it.
When someone says "Must be the hormones talking" it IS a way to brush aside & ignore someone. Saying that they're being 'hormonal' says that their response is irrational, they don't really mean what they're saying, their anger is ridiculous and illegitimate. Its a way of saying 'I don't think I have to listen to what you're saying' If your emotions and your anger are attributed to hormones, you're being told they're not REAL. It's like being told you're crazy. Its a way of refusing to address what somebody is saying. They don't really 'mean' what they're saying, because bitches be crazy! If I were mad at my husband and he said 'you're being hormonal' to me that says 'You're mad over something you don't have the right to be mad about. This is not actually a problem. It's only bothering you because WOMAN so I don't actually have to change what I'm doing. It's not me, it's you.'

Yes. Yes yes yes.

While I do think that hormones are very powerful, I don't think it's ok to dismiss a woman's feelings or opinions based on that. I've had a couple of talks with DH when I felt he ignored my feelings based on the fact that I was dealing with PPD/PPA. Just because I may at times react more strongly due to hormones, it doesn't make my feelings invalid. Kinda same goes with regular old depression and anxiety.. but that's a whole other thing.

Do hormones sometimes play a role in the extent of our feelings? Perhaps.. but I do hate it when people try to devalue a posters whole argument by saying "ah, wow you're hormonal, aren't ya?"

Mom2bois85 · February 2014

bump burp

andrea0418 · February 2014

lancomechica said:
FFTC: I call daycare school. It's interchangeable to me.
They call the women in his classroom teachers. It's a preschool environment with an "infant classroom".
That's what they call it so who am I to change their terminology and I pay $1600 a month for it so I will call it whatever I damn well please.
Still love you @MrsJill B

$1600 wow where do you live?
The daycare I worked at was $28 per day for an infant. So that comes to $140 a week. Which is $560 a month.

andrea0418 · February 2014

I live in a rural town in PA.
Parents have to provide diapers and wipes. But food is provided.

lancomechica · February 2014

andrea0418 said:

lancomechica said:
FFTC: I call daycare school. It's interchangeable to me.
They call the women in his classroom teachers. It's a preschool environment with an "infant classroom".
That's what they call it so who am I to change their terminology and I pay $1600 a month for it so I will call it whatever I damn well please.
Still love you @MrsJill B
$1600 wow where do you live?
The daycare I worked at was $28 per day for an infant. So that comes to $140 a week. Which is $560 a month.

Northern VA. Loudoun County. #1 highest average incomes in the country in our county.
$1600...is around average in our area. The one husband was wanting was $2200 a month.

ljs4117 · February 2014

What the ever-loving fuck? Looks like I'll never go back to work if that's what daycare costs. That's not much less than what we make in a month!!

No skittles for me!!

[Deleted User] · February 2014

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lancomechica · February 2014

ljs4117 said:
What the ever-loving fuck? Looks like I'll never go back to work if that's what daycare costs. That's not much less than what we make in a month!! No skittles for me!!

Where do you live?

martyn17 · February 2014

ljs4117 said:

martyn17 said:

jackson290721 said:

I haven't done research on this, so I could be off. But don't a lot of athletes have charities? Don't they raise awareness? Frankly, I love the entertainment industry. I don't like silence. I don't want to have to sing all day to keep my house loud. I like my tv and computer. Do those people need that much money? Probably not. But please don't project your issues with Americas economy onto these athletes. Many of them have done awesome things with their money.

A lot do amazing work. And a lot have bullsh!t charities that are just for tax purposes.

As long as the money is going to help someone who needs help I don't see why a tax write off is relevant. I do everything I can to get my tax dollars back...

I agree. I'm saying charities that don't help anyone, like health clinics that are never open.

thegoodpotato · February 2014

Snow tires are a winter essential. I always buy high quality (Nokians). I've driven on black ice not even knowing I was on black ice because of my awesome snow tires.

It's actually legislated in British Columbia that you must have snow tires if you're travelling through mountain passes.

[Deleted User] · February 2014

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ljs4117 · February 2014

ncchnat said:

@ljs4117, how for the love of cheetos are you already 22 weeks?

@-)

Bwahaha... Too much DTD too early, that's how.

ljs4117 · February 2014

lancomechica said:

What the ever-loving fuck? Looks like I'll never go back to work if that's what daycare costs. That's not much less than what we make in a month!! No skittles for me!!
Where do you live?

SW MO. It's pretty LCOL... so maybe it's not so bad??

ljs4117 · February 2014

martyn17 said:

jackson290721 said:

I haven't done research on this, so I could be off. But don't a lot of athletes have charities? Don't they raise awareness? Frankly, I love the entertainment industry. I don't like silence. I don't want to have to sing all day to keep my house loud. I like my tv and computer. Do those people need that much money? Probably not. But please don't project your issues with Americas economy onto these athletes. Many of them have done awesome things with their money.

A lot do amazing work. And a lot have bullsh!t charities that are just for tax purposes.
As long as the money is going to help someone who needs help I don't see why a tax write off is relevant. I do everything I can to get my tax dollars back...
I agree. I'm saying charities that don't help anyone, like health clinics that are never open.

Ahhh! Yeah, that's BS.

lancomechica · February 2014

ljs4117 said:

lancomechica said:

ljs4117 said:
What the ever-loving fuck? Looks like I'll never go back to work if that's what daycare costs. That's not much less than what we make in a month!! No skittles for me!!
Where do you live?

SW MO. It's pretty LCOL... so maybe it's not so bad??

Probably not

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