Niece Advice

LovestheLou · February 2014

Ratpasta said:

LovestheLou said:

Going with #4.

But seriously, my DD is 6. She's shy and hides from all adults she doesn't see on a daily basis, even her grandparents. Obviously I don't know your niece, but that's pretty normal for a 6 year old.

When I lived away and she wouldnt see me for six months, she would come running and hug me. We used to be buddies - there's definitely been a change in her attitude.

My daughter was not nearly as shy when she was younger. Again, I don't know the whole situation, but I think you should cut her some slack. You are making me nervous about how people might be judging my kid when she really is just shy.

Mrs.adambabycakes · February 2014

So why can't we indent paragraphs? I need to know.

Ratpasta · February 2014

LovestheLou said:

Ratpasta said:

LovestheLou said:

Going with #4.

But seriously, my DD is 6. She's shy and hides from all adults she doesn't see on a daily basis, even her grandparents. Obviously I don't know your niece, but that's pretty normal for a 6 year old.

When I lived away and she wouldnt see me for six months, she would come running and hug me. We used to be buddies - there's definitely been a change in her attitude.

My daughter was not nearly as shy when she was younger. Again, I don't know the whole situation, but I think you should cut her some slack. You are making me nervous about how people might be judging my kid when she really is just shy.

heh - its more of a family thing. At least when arriving or leaving someone's home, saying hello and goodbye is expected.
I dont think that's too much to ask from any child - at least in our culture.
The Vietnamese kids on my wife's side are expected to navigate a very complex web of social interaction at a very young age - more than Im comfortable with for sure - and they manage just fine

NotSharknado · February 2014

My kids turn away from adults. They're not disrespectful, they're introverted.

LuckyDad · February 2014

Ratpasta said:

My wife and I were avid travelers... (but then we had a kid)

FTFY, dad.

The 6 year old sounds like a handful. She's also not your kid. Kids do break stuff, parents apologize when their kids do so. She shouldn't have been left unattended, you shouldn't have left so much breakable shit out around a child... it's unfortunate an accident happened, but even (drunk) grown-ups accidentally break shit.

As for the not hugging thing, I'm sympathetic that she's grown distant from you, but ultimately children do have a right to their own bodies. I certainly would encourage her to say hello to you and greet you as family does. If everyone hugs everyone that could be a normal behavior, but it's not fair to expect children to be physically affectionate if the adults around them are not.

Ratpasta · February 2014

LuckyDad said:

Ratpasta said:

My wife and I were avid travelers... (but then we had a kid)

FTFY, dad.

The 6 year old sounds like a handful. She's also not your kid. Kids do break stuff, parents apologize when their kids do so. She shouldn't have been left unattended, you shouldn't have left so much breakable shit out around a child... it's unfortunate an accident happened, but even (drunk) grown-ups accidentally break shit.

Yeah - one of my drunk aunts fell into the wall right next to my son when he was about two months old, glass and picture frames everywhere - but that's a story for another day.
all good points - and as far as we "were" travelers, it's one of the really hard things to let go of having that particular bottle broken. Who knows the next time we will get to travel. On the other hand, it was a bottle with sand in it - so what.
I had a nice visit with my councilor at lunch and we discussed this issue at length. She said that she thinks Im making progress with my frustrational tolerances.

Ratpasta · February 2014

uconnhuskie007 said:

I'm failing to see where her bad behavior/complete lack of discipline is coming into play here. Because she broke a glass jar full of sand? Accidents happen. I'm gathering no one saw this happen, and you assume she was acting like a banshee when she broke it.

I dont mind so much that accidents happen - she is 6 I totally understand that - it's that she acts out because she knows she can get away with it, which makes her act out more and more.
and yes, lots of people saw this happen.

Monkeybabe · February 2014

uconnhuskie007 said:

Like I said, from your OP I'm failing to see the "acting out" piece? I'm sure she senses you only "like her just fine" (she is your niece and god daughter, right? Aren't you supposed to love this kid?) and probably is feeding off that around you. Also, given that she just became a big sister it probably would've been meaningful for you to reach out and spend some QT with her that she is craving. It's definitely not too late for that, btw. A lot of people find it really easy to preach about parenting, but you have the unique position of being able to positively impact this kid, given that you're her godfather and uncle. I know you're busy, but when you're too busy for a kid who's life you're supposed to have an impact on, they sense that, and react accordingly.

I think you're reading too much into the "like her just fine" comment. He was defending against the assumption that he dislikes her. Also, you can love someone without particularly liking them, so I don't think saying he likes her is wrong.

klondikebar · February 2014

I have always encouraged my children to be polite and acknowledge an adult's greeting. My older two were never shy. DS2 would hide behind me. I wouldn't force him to hug someone, but lightheartedly encourage a hello, wave or a smile. If he didn't, I let it go. I know from being a shy child myself that making a big deal out of it only makes it worse. She is probably going through a phase after the arrival of her sibling.

Ratpasta · February 2014

CTGirl30 said:

In other words, chill, dude.

I didnt realize that I wasnt chillin?

uconnhuskie007 said:

A lot of people find it really easy to preach about parenting, but you have the unique position of being able to positively impact this kid, given that you're her godfather and uncle. I know you're busy, but when you're too busy for a kid who's life you're supposed to have an impact on, they sense that, and react accordingly.

I try to be there for her when I can, as the uncle for sure.

Busy yes, not in town 5 days of the week, yes. Struggling with my own baby and wife, yes.

Ratpasta · February 2014

pobrecita said:

Not your kid. You are worrying a lot over something you can't control.

I would rather be a mediocre uncle than a shitty one.

BluepointToasted · February 2014

Wtf

WasNotWas · February 2014

@Ratpasta said:

pobrecita said:

Not your kid. You are worrying a lot over something you can't control.

I would rather be a mediocre uncle than a shitty one.

She's 6. Buy her a toy and play jump rope with her. Give her the attention she is longing for.

missyishere · February 2014

I longed for Jordan Knight in 1st grade. No one gave me that. THANKS, UNCLE MARK!

Ratpasta · February 2014

pobrecita said:

pobrecita said:

Not your kid. You are worrying a lot over something you can't control.

I would rather be a mediocre uncle than a shitty one.
Say what now?

I apologize - I should have prefaced that with there is a lot of alcohol abuse in my family and I have some less than stellar experiences with Uncles.
I would prefer to not be a horrible uncle.

missyishere · February 2014

I'd like to go on record and state I'd still go for some Jordan Knight, so I think the six year old in me can forgive my Uncle if he steps it up now.

Ratpasta · February 2014

HilarityEnsued said:

are you high @ratpasta?
I didn't read this entire Vietnamese sand thread but what is the relevance of this question?

I'm curious as well - and no

Ratpasta · February 2014

justAphase said:

uconnhuskie007 said:

are you high @ratpasta?

I could go for about 100 tacos right now though....

NotSharknado · February 2014

My uncle eats crackers. I shall call him Uncle Cracker.

NotSharknado · February 2014

Eleventy11 · February 2014

Tardy to the party, but do you think some of it might stem from the fact that you are also too busy for her now too? I am sure she knows that you don't have time for her anymore either...all she sees is that new babies have taken away her attention, of course she is going to act out.

Ratpasta · February 2014

Eleventy11 said:

Tardy to the party, but do you think some of it might stem from the fact that you are also too busy for her now too? I am sure she knows that you don't have time for her anymore either...all she sees is that new babies have taken away her attention, of course she is going to act out.

this is true. However in the past, I would go months without seeing her.... maybe its because now Im around too much

Ratpasta · February 2014

LovelyRitaMeterMaid said:

I was wondering if it has to do with you recently becoming a parent too, if you were close before. You guys just had a baby, her parents had a baby, so yeah.

I always feel bad when Isla denies my oldest brother affection. He understands why she sometimes does that, but I can tell he wishes to be closer with her and see her more. It sucks. You just have to let them come to you, I think. My nephew was so attached to me as a baby, but as a toddler, he wouldn't have anything to do with me! Now he's back to being a little lover.

This could be part of the puzzle as well. We weren't close, but there sure were a lot of family get togethers where we would be in the corner working on a puzzle.
Ill do my best to give her the space. ill have to wait to be cool uncle, then six months later lame uncle, then cool again sometimes in the future, then lame....

CinemaGoddess · February 2014

NotSharknado said:

My uncle eats crackers. I shall call him Uncle Cracker.

This comment wins the Internet today.

Ratpasta · February 2014

MabelShesABiotch said:

OMG STOP INDENTING

why? what did indents ever do to you?

[Deleted User] · February 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Ratpasta · February 2014

MotherOfPearl85 said:

Buy some replacement sand from Ebay.

But seriously, It's just sand. I think you may be expecting too much. What you deem as your niece getting away with too much may be very tolerable to your mom and sister. I know I let DD pass with more things than I said I would ever do.

I am trying to put myself in your shoes about the sentimental value though. DH and I buy a picture frame from each city we travel and I think I would be hurt if someone broke it. Sure, I could eventually replace it but it's not the same as the first purchase.

well, and it was honeymoon, in Vietnam where it's entirely possible that will never travel to again - on the other hand it was sand in a Fanta bottle.

and if my Son ever calls his mother or his grandfather by their first names, instructing them to do something for them.....

Ratpasta · February 2014

LovelyRitaMeterMaid said:

Oh I forgot this-

Isla broke the trinket box that H gave me my engagement ring in. I thought the box was my gift for Christmas but there was an empty ring box in there instead. I looked up confused and he's standing there with a ring. Very sentimental. She busted it. Accidentally. She knew she did something wrong too because before I even opened my mouth, she started crying. I didn't yell or anything because she seemed so upset about it. But yeah....it sucks when they break something important to you because you want them to realize the magnitude of it but they won't get it until they're older.

Wifey and I have a long way to go in the childproofing department.....I have lots of very expensive speakers and things around that are sure to get ruined.

missyishere · February 2014

I might have piddled a little at @notsharknado

Eleventy11 · February 2014

Ratpasta said:

and if my Son ever calls his mother or his grandfather by their first names, instructing them to do something for them.....

A lot of kids go through a first name stage...granted, probably not at age six, but your kid will likely do it. I agree with a PP that some of the issue may be you, others may not be as bothered about things. Parenting is tough and a lot of things you judged pre-kids flies right out the window with your own.

WasNotWas · February 2014

Between "wifey" and the indentation, you sound obnoxious and pretentious.

Pretty please stop with both.

Ratpasta · February 2014

WasNotWas said:

Between "wifey" and the indentation, you sound obnoxious and pretentious.

Pretty please stop with both.

forgive me if my writing style doesn't conform to this forums arbitrary unwritten code

CinemaGoddess · February 2014

Ratpasta said:

WasNotWas said:

Between "wifey" and the indentation, you sound obnoxious and pretentious.

Pretty please stop with both.

forgive me if my writing style doesn't conform to this forums arbitrary unwritten code

When in Rome....

Ratpasta · February 2014

LovelyRitaMeterMaid said:

WasNotWas said:

Between "wifey" and the indentation, you sound obnoxious and pretentious.

Pretty please stop with both.

forgive me if my writing style doesn't conform to this forums arbitrary unwritten code
There's no code. Just women.

lol

ok now you guys can close the thread

Ratpasta · February 2014

you guys are so funny. You hate that I have a pet name for my wife.

WasNotWas · February 2014

Ratpasta said:

you guys are so funny. You hate that I have a pet name for my wife.

It is a terrible pet name, even Webster agrees

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wifey

WasNotWas · February 2014

perhaps if you had defined it first we would have been less offended #throwbackjoke

Ratpasta · February 2014

WasNotWas said:

perhaps if you had defined it first we would have been less offended

the fact that it offends you is even funnier. If it's slightly different, it must be wrong

Ratpasta · February 2014

pobrecita said:

Do you actually call her wifey?

I have a few pet names for her but yes. Does this scare anyone else?

Monkeybabe · February 2014

Scare, offend? No. Raise my eyebrow at? Yeah, kinda.

Want a personalized experience?

Niece Advice

Re: Niece Advice

#Bodymber14 #Bodygate #itsMillerTime

Bradley 05-04-11 & Tyler 06-18-13

#Bodymber14 #Bodygate #itsMillerTime

Bradley 05-04-11 & Tyler 06-18-13

#Bodymber14 #Bodygate #itsMillerTime

Bradley 05-04-11 & Tyler 06-18-13

#Bodymber14 #Bodygate #itsMillerTime

Bradley 05-04-11 & Tyler 06-18-13

Choose Another Board

Search Boards