UO

PinkPuffyHeart2 · January 2014

I actually have one this week!!

PinkPuffyHeart2 · January 2014

This may get me flamed but look... It's almost 3 am, and I literally woke up from a crappy cold infested sleep with this uo in my head...

Marriage is the only relationship where we make a legally binding commitment, before God, to another person. While I definitely agree that there are valid reasons for divorce, I also believe that in some situations (like mine) it takes a stronger person to stay in the marriage and work things out, than it does to leave. When you get married you make vows... Mine said "for better or for worse".

MrsWilson31012 · January 2014

@PinkPuffyHeart2 I agree with you completely!! And think that the divorce rate in our nation is just one more sign of how desperately all people need Christ in their lives.

My UO: I think that if possible (I know it's not in all cases) Moms should stay home with their children. Now before you all flame me, like I said...I know in some cases Moms have to work to help provide for their families. I see NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, however I believe that Moms should be the ones raising their own children, not day cares.

MrsWilson31012 · January 2014

Whoa...I understand it's not possible in all cases, and I'm not judging the Moms who have to provide. Single mothers, primary bread winners ect, perhaps I should have been more specific in my OP. Possibly, if having your DH stay home with the kids was a workable situation for your family yes, that is a better option in my opinion then a daycare.

FunkyPhoenix · January 2014

MrsWilson31012 said:
Whoa...I understand it's not possible in all cases. And I'm not judging the Moms who have to provide. Single mothers, primary bread winners ect, perhaps I should have been more specific in my OP. And possibly, if having your DH stay home with the kids was a workable situation for your family yes, that is a better option in my opinion then a daycare.

That last statement... You don't know my husband.

@PPH I agree with you! Often times people don't try to work things out or seek proper help in communicating and working through issues. However, and this is my UO, this business about "staying together for the kids" is bullshit. If you are in a really bad relationship, constantly fighting in front of your kids, abusing or being abused, then you are doing them absolutely no favors by staying together. I feel that while that commitment to the other person is strong, my commitment to my children supersedes any and all others. I think people potentially damage their kids and their kids' ability to make and maintain relationships in life when they are never shown the healthy way to do so. Better to be a healthy, happy and strong single woman, than a sad, bitter, hurt, angry, married one.

BTW- I'm not referencing you in this! Just people in general.

ETA- @MrsWilson31012 I am in the category which you speak of- could stay home but going back to work. It's 2014, I enjoy my right to choose to do so, as well as my right to vote, have an opinion and wear pants. It's crazy how far women have come in our country and my son will be better for it. I can't help but feel that your opinion is archaic and chauvinistic. I subscribe to the following statement: At the end of the day, your children will remember how much you loved them- Not whether you work behind a desk or the kitchen sink.

MrsWilson31012 · January 2014

Then flame away. I understand that my view point may be as you said "archaic" but I stand by it. It's my belief, and my opinion however unpopular it may be.

@samanthaashley93: I'm truly sorry that you witnessed that kind of violence. If you read PPHs post she said that there were cases where there VALID reasons for divorce. And Im simply agreed with that. My mother, sister, I also witnessed and were on the recieving end of what an abusive father can do, and yes...my parents are divorced. My statement simply meant that I feel if more people had a person relationship (saved by Gods grace and his death on the cross) rather then a religion (as you mentioned Catholicism, Baptists, Evangelicals) I believe fewer people would be using divorce as a way to end otherwise solvable problems.

JANCANDANCE · January 2014

PinkPuffyHeart2 said:
This may get me flamed but look... It's almost 3 am, and I literally woke up from a crappy cold infested sleep with this uo in my head...

Marriage is the only relationship where we make a legally binding commitment, before God, to another person. While I definitely agree that there are valid reasons for divorce, I also believe that in some situations (like mine) it takes a stronger person to stay in the marriage and work things out, than it does to leave. When you get married you make vows... Mine said "for better or for worse".

Well pin a rose on your god damn nose. I guess I'm not strong huh. I suggest you grow a pair and be a better example for your daughter. No one gets married to get divorced but at some point you have to ask yourself when is enough enough. No one is in my situation but all you do is complain and play the victim. Stick up for yourself or else stop complaining. Like I said yesterday people treat you how you want to be treated. I wouldn't advocate divorce because it fucking sucks. It is the worse thing I've had to do and IMO it takes a stronger person to leave because I owe myself more and my beautiful girls. And yes it takes a strong person to stay and work through it. The key word here is strong. I don't get any of that from you. I see a weak woman. I call a spade a spade. But I know tons of women who wished the only problem with their husband was oh he is going to go away and leave us and I'm sick. SERIOUSLY. What about women who are single mothers and take care of themselves and a family sick or not? Women who have spouses deployed or who are widows? They do it alone. To me those are the strongest women. It is hard but at least you have a husband who will come home to you. You make me sick.
I'm not at your household but if it isn't that bad and you said vows before god then stop complaining and see if God can help you through it. I would also pray he finds a pair of cujones for you to grow.

MrsWilson31012 · January 2014

And as far as Dads staying home with the children, AGAIN I said if it was WORKABLE for YOUR family I believe. But you're right, I don't know everyone's DHs...nor do I need to to know that there are husbands who aren't suited to the task of staying home with their children full time. But that comment will probably be taken the wrong way too...so...flame away ladies.

sweetbabypea · January 2014

I'm thankful to be able to choose to stay home with our daughter. But that doesn't make my choice right for everyone. My mother flat out told us she was a better mother when she was able to get out of the house and work. That wasn't what was best for our family so I stayed home. No one should be shamed for their choices.

UO: I hate the comments from last weeks UO about SAHM's not having a boss to answer or anywhere to be when they are sleep deprived. It felt patronizing to me. Sleep deprived is sleep deprived. It sucks both ways- but mine isn't less annoying because I don't have a job. I still have to get up and go about my day taking care of a tiny human, a house, going to appointments etc. After a few rough nights- I feel sleep deprived to the point where I almost feel unsafe watching my child by myself. And I can't take a nap when she does all the time- I have stuff to do when she's sleeping.

JANCANDANCE · January 2014

@MrsWilson31012
Oh bless your heart! I hope you are wearing your big girl panties today.

First and foremost do you even go here?
How ignorant are you on a scale of 1-10?

Day cares DO NOT raise children you twit. Is it okay for the dad to stay home or you just have to have a vagina and stay home and raise babies all day? Andplusalso should we do the raising in the kitchen? Barefoot? GTFO.

JANCANDANCE · January 2014

I'm so mad I got up to pee. I knew I should have stayed away.

sweetbabypea · January 2014

CL8badB said:
As a SAHM im going to weigh in.
Sometimes i feel that J would benefit MORE from daycare. I read a lot of posts on here that make me question whether or not me being home with him every day is the best for him (or myself).
I feel that he'd probably benefit from interacting with other babies and that id benefit mentally by going to work even if its just for a few days a week.
I think I will stop doubting my decision to stay home once we start doing some mommy & me stuff.

Its very hard for me to adjust to not making my own money. I hate feeling bad if i want to buy something.
My hubby tells me that im nuts and just buy what i want/need but im just not built that way. Its a very hard adjustment. I never thought that id doubt my decision to be a sahm but sometimes i do. Im sure that i will work (at least part time) again eventually.

Hope that made sense im half asleep nursing J. Cant wait to see where this thread goes. 10? 15? 20? Pages??
Bat signals going up!?

You can do mommy and me stuff now! I take Natalie to playgroups, LLL and my moms group. I feel like she's a much happier baby when we get out of the house and socialize.

I could have written the part about not making my own money. It's a strange feeling and we had to work out a system so I didn't feel like I was asking for allowance. We are much happier with that in place.

ilovemarfa · January 2014

I had a really good uo yesterday and I completely forgot it!! I know I should have written it down.

kelly422 · January 2014

sctiger said:

What a completely ignorant statement. Daycare isn't raising my child. I like working and so do many working moms on this board. It provides us financial security, provides opportunities for our children, and is in our long term best interest. We could make it work for me to SAH but we feel that's not what is best for our family. My husband has a coworker whose wife is finding it impossible to back to work after 12 years away because her skills are out of date. Not every mom wants to stay home. It's great for some, but it can prove to be a very unwise decision for some women later in life. LO goes to an awesome church based daycare and those ladies are amazing. She is learning a lot from them and being around other babies. But they are not raising her. I guess you think husbands don't raise their children since they are at work? And once they go to school you stop raising them because now they are with their teachers? Daycare is not the devil. I could go on but I'm on mobile. @MrsWilson31012 prepare to be flamed. Your statement enrages me and it you will get it from other moms when they read this.

Well said.

kelly422 · January 2014

MrsWilson31012 said:

PinkPuffyHeart2 I agree with you completely!! And think that the divorce rate in our nation is just one more sign of how desperately all people need Christ in their lives.

What if I don't believe in Christ or God? Does that mean my marriage is destined for divorce?

JANCANDANCE · January 2014

Yes @kelly422 that is exactly what it means. My marriage failed because I'm the devil obviously.

sweetbabypea · January 2014

My kid gets sick at her wellness visits lol, not usually playgroup. I hope you find some classes you like! Maybe you can get lucky and find a parenting group in the area. I have such a great network of people around me with mine.

kelly422 · January 2014

JANCANDANCE said:

Yes @kelly422 that is exactly what it means. My marriage failed because I'm the devil obviously.

If only you belieeeeeved more!!!!!!!

megaroo64 · January 2014

@mrswilson31012- then I must be a terrible mom- I could stay home with B but I just abandon him and go to work anyway.

Get real! I am so glad that we have the situation that we have in my family and part of that situation is made possible by us both working. Does our babysitter raise B? Hell no- but she does love my son and definitely only wants the best for him! So the way I see it, B has THREE adults that love and care for him and all of us get to put our best foot forward when we are with him.

sweetbabypea · January 2014

sctiger said:

sweetbabypea said:
I'm thankful to be able to choose to stay home with our daughter. But that doesn't make my choice right for everyone. My mother flat out told us she was a better mother when she was able to get out of the house and work. That wasn't what was best for our family so I stayed home. No one should be shamed for their choices.

UO: I hate the comments from last weeks UO about SAHM's not having a boss to answer or anywhere to be when they are sleep deprived. It felt patronizing to me. Sleep deprived is sleep deprived. It sucks both ways- but mine isn't less annoying because I don't have a job. I still have to get up and go about my day taking care of a tiny human, a house, going to appointments etc. After a few rough nights- I feel sleep deprived to the point where I almost feel unsafe watching my child by myself. And I can't take a nap when she does all the time- I have stuff to do when she's sleeping.
But are you risking getting fired or looking bad in front of your boss because of it? Being sleep deprived sucks either way, but there's more at stake when you work.

I hear you. I think my child's safety and well being is as equally high stakes as your job. Getting dishes and laundry done? Not so much. I just didn't like the tone of it, even if it was directed at someone else who did deserve it.

sweetbabypea · January 2014

sctiger said:

sweetbabypea said:

sctiger said:

sweetbabypea said:
I'm thankful to be able to choose to stay home with our daughter. But that doesn't make my choice right for everyone. My mother flat out told us she was a better mother when she was able to get out of the house and work. That wasn't what was best for our family so I stayed home. No one should be shamed for their choices.

UO: I hate the comments from last weeks UO about SAHM's not having a boss to answer or anywhere to be when they are sleep deprived. It felt patronizing to me. Sleep deprived is sleep deprived. It sucks both ways- but mine isn't less annoying because I don't have a job. I still have to get up and go about my day taking care of a tiny human, a house, going to appointments etc. After a few rough nights- I feel sleep deprived to the point where I almost feel unsafe watching my child by myself. And I can't take a nap when she does all the time- I have stuff to do when she's sleeping.
But are you risking getting fired or looking bad in front of your boss because of it? Being sleep deprived sucks either way, but there's more at stake when you work.

I hear you. I think my child's safety and well being is as equally high stakes as your job. Getting dishes and laundry done? Not so much. I just didn't like the tone of it, even if it was directed at someone else who did deserve it.
you are missing the point completely.

How so? I agreed that in all areas it's not the same. When I'm sleep deprived to the point where my child care is compromised- that's high stakes to me. I lack full perspective because I don't work I fully admit- but maybe you lack perspective from my point of view too.

dmlk413 · January 2014

@Mrswilson31012 you suck. That's not a UO, that's just ignorant. Some of us don't have the luxury of staying home so STFU. Also, daycare has been wonderful for DD. I'm such a shitty mother that I couldn't get my kid to nap but the DCP can. Daycare ha been wonderful for DD so sorrynotsorry.

Also, @FunkyPhoenix, I totally agree with you. I think staying together for the kids is a crock. It's just an excuse people use when they don't have the balls to leave.

Monkeybutt80 · January 2014

Divorce means quitting. Sometimes it's good to quit because the marriage was bad for you and sometimes people quit prematurely because shit gets tough. Christ has nothing to do with it.
My child goes to daycare like a child goes to school. I'm raising my child not his daycare.
What a F*cked up thing to say @mrswilson31012

[Deleted User] · January 2014

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ChristyD6 · January 2014

@MrsWilson31012 what did you do for a living pre baby?

DH has a masters and I have a doctorate. We choose to work for more than just money. I think SAH or working can be the best choice for someone's family but you seem uneducated if you think a mom should only work if she absolutely has to help support her family. I know career moms that have decided to stay home but they certainly have struggled with the decision at times. I'm sure if I was a cashier a Target and we could afford for me not to work I'd quit in a heartbeat.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

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llbta85 · January 2014

Well shit I feel like any UO is just a waste this week...

JANCANDANCE · January 2014

My UO:

I don't like peeps. At. All

I think Valentine's day is the dumbest holiday ever. (And not just because I'm a weak woman who chose a divorce because I wasn't strong enough to stay) it is just dumb to me.

Also Taylor Swift is the fucking worst.

I have no problem with CIO. I haven't had to do it but what is the big deal?

tiffletons518 · January 2014

Awww man.. c'mon. I haven't even finished my first cup of coffee yet. Ok, here goes. I am a christian and yes, I did make vows before God. I did. Me. Because that's what I believe. Having said that, if my H was treating me badly and disrespecting me regularly, I don't think God would disown me for walking away. People only change if THEY want to change, and me sticking around doing everything I can trying to make it work is ONLY going to work if they are willing. So, yes, sometimes people give up too easy, but I don't think that's what we're talking about here. And, then I read the one about "daycare raising their kids". Good. Lord. I used to work full time, then I worked part time for 4 years before I was able to be a sahm. I wanted to be a sahm. Even then in all my working bitterness and my daily pity party, I never said someone else was raising my kid. Did I hate that they got to witness milestones before me? Yup. Still raising my own kid. Then there's the 'who is hurts more to be tired' debate. I've done both sides. I've done the driving to work not awake at all and trying to function at work. It sucks. And, there have been times this time that I am so tired that I have legit not remembered having conversations with my kids. I used to have to write the time I fed him on the fridge because I couldn't remember what side was up. They both suck. And, while it's terrifying being home alone with all 3 when I'm a space cadet, and I don't get to nap anymore. At least I'm home. I think that's all. I'm sure about 15 responses have been added while I typed this. Carry on.

tiffletons518 · January 2014

I also agree Valentine's Day is stupid, and Sweetest Day. But, I found out that apparently that's more of a local thing? Anyway, I've been with H for 10 years and I think we've done Valentine's Day maybe once.

Monkeybutt80 · January 2014

GiggleJiggle said:
@monkeybutt80 I don't think divorce is quitting... Walking out on a family is quitting. Ending an unhealthy marriage so you can be a better parent to your child is not quitting.

@gigglejiggle I think we are saying the same thing. I'm saying 'quiting' in a sense that people quit smoking, drugs or any other bad addiction or habit. It takes work to quit that stuff and it's hard, but it's better in the end for that person to quit.

JANCANDANCE · January 2014

The day I sign my divorce papers...

sweetbabypea · January 2014

I hate Valentines Day because its 5 days before H's birthday. I have to save up for and come up with two gift ideas in such a short amount of time.

knicole818 · January 2014

Here's my silly UO: I am not a fan of the acronym RIP. The meaning of it is fine and sincere, but I think my issue with it is that really the only time I ever saw it used while growing up was on cartoons, where, you know, it was probably used in a joking way, so for some reason, it comes off as childish or insincere in my brain when I see people post things on Facebook like "RIP Nelson Mandela." They have good intentions and that's not my issue; the association in my brain is what is off. I'd rather they just type it out "rest in peace."

ChristyD6 · January 2014

V day is a holiday for women. I don't usually get DH anything.

sweetbabypea · January 2014

UO: I've make a big deal out of H's birthday every year we have been together. He never reciprocates and usually gets me a terrible gift that's a household gift he will use more than me vs a personal gift- despite my poor reaction every year. He just doesn't learn. I'm an absolute brat about my birthday.

KellenHi21 · January 2014

Wow. Just wow.

A few things:
-no one gets married thinking, "hey, I'll try this for a bit, but if it gets hard I'm out!" I'm pretty sure divorce sucks, and if someone chooses to go that route, there's a valid reason! (Crazies excluded)
- I don't need Christ thank you very much.
- I just can't with the "you should stay at home" attitude. Come on, really? It's 2014 people!

tttwalters · January 2014

I have a slightly different view on the SAH thing because in Canada we get a paid year off. Many mornings I do wish I could go to work and use my brain a bit, but being home right now is my job. In June however, I know it will be bittersweet to return to work and I am looking forward to it. I do feel bad for the Americans, I wish you all had the same opportunity that we have because I am sure it isn't easy to leave your lo's with someone that isn't you. However, if we did not get a paid year off, I would certainly be doing the same thing. I was a little butt hurt with the talk last week about us not having boss's to report too, but then I realized that if I was in the same situation I might feel the same way.

[Deleted User] · January 2014

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kaleyandjason · January 2014

I could stay home but I actually choose to let wolves raise my baby. I mean he bites me while nursing but it's working so far! *insert eyeroll*

sweetbabypea · January 2014

kaleyandjason said:
I could stay home but I actually choose to let wolves raise my baby. I mean he bites me while nursing but it's working so far! *insert eyeroll*

I mean- as long as they are wolf hybrids.

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