UO/FFFC Mash-up 5/25

stothi · May 2018

Unpopular Opinions! Confessions! Random Rants or Ridicules! Share them here.

stothi · May 2018

UO/Confession: I hate anime. It's like weird cartoon semi- porn with lots of yelling and screaming and throbbing visuals. I can not stand it.

UO/Confession: I'm a stay at home mom, not a stay at home maid. I don't and I won't do all the chores, cooking, cleaning, or whatever just cause I "don't work." Nuh-uh. "But your husband goes to work for 8 hours a day! He should come home to a clean house and a hot meal after his exhausting day!" 8 hours? Omg! He worked for 8 hours!? A whole, grueling, excruciating 8 hours where he got to go pee or poop by himself whenever he wanted and then got to take a lunch break and where he can call in sick and not have to do that job -at all- when he's not feeling well!? Dear Lord, give that man a medal!!!
No.
Cause yeah, I totally take care of my kid for only 8 hours a day and it's not even hard at all keeping a toddler alive and unharmed...

I do cook and clean and all that to some extent and usually do the lion's share, but no freaking way is it my "job" and I do not now, nor have I, nor will I, agree to all housework, cooking and whatnot being my responsibility. I recently stopped doing my husband's laundry, not out of spite or malice or anything like that, but just because I'm keeping his toddler alive and gestating his newest little one and I'm really tired from doing so. I do my laundry, our child's laundry and household laundry like the couch blankets and kitchen and bath towels. My hubby is a big strong capable man. He can do two loads of his own laundry on the weekend just fine.

Eta: the whole I should do all the cooking and cleaning stuff doesn't come from my husband. He has never been one to think all that should fall on me. That's definitely an attitude that has come from outside my home. Also, my husband frequently works way more than 8 hours and I do think he deserves extra props for how hard he works for our family and I thank him all the time and bring him cookies and love letters, but I still ain't doing all the housework.

nlc8424 · May 2018

@stothi I wish more people would subscribe to that way of thinking. How many different articles have come out saying that if SAHMs were paid we couldn't afford it? Regardless of whether or not you do all of the cooking and cleaning.

Rants: today is an extra day off for me and instead of sleeping in I was woken up by my toddler talking to himself at 450 in the morning. My room is way too bright, birds are chirping, and my dogs are too needy for me to fall back to sleep.

Also, every single time my mom comes over to help clean my house (she offers, not requested by me), she always leaves comments about other stuff we should do. Yesterdays message was "Didn't throw anything out, but you probably should. LOL". This may seem like an innocent comment from an outsider, but she's like the cleaning lady that you want to pre-clean for. It almost makes me wish that she wouldn't do it at all if she's going to insult us.

Rave: because of rant #1 I'm lounging in bed drinking coffee and watching Netflix. Toddler has fallen back to sleep and my dogs are minding their own business.

Lcardinal04 · May 2018

@nlc8424 lovely that your dogs went back to chilling... my standard poodle wakes up the moment he hears me use the bathroom and starts making whining/chuffing/panting noises. Sounds like a frickin heard of elephants!

nlc8424 · May 2018

@Lcardinal04 only because this is after I let them out and fed them! No way would they leave me alone otherwise haha. My labs are extremely driven by their meal times.

Lcardinal04 · May 2018

@nlc8424 they must be in the same club as my poodle!!! Feed, pee and then he passes out again. I sit here with coffee and he now looks like he was never doing the zoomies.

[Deleted User] · May 2018

I hear what you're saying. [ @stothi ] I'm not even home all day, and H still seems to think his penis has rendered him incapable of running the vaccuum! He likes to complain about the doghair, or things in the kitchen. Yesterday I had to remind him... who was home all day??? Lol exactly. He was. Poor guy had a crown put in, and then he had to take a nap. That's my feeling, is whoever notices something and IS able to do something about it, should just do it and not complain! ETA (Or not do it, and then you Definitely not get to complain!!!) LOL

Believe me, I'm not knocking him. He will do his own laundry unprompted, and the big weekend deep-cleans are usually spurred on by him, but the day to day complaining about either the doghair, or his opinion that we shouldn't "have to" vacuum every day... that's what irritates me!!!! 1. We have a big hairy dog. He is your third-born fur-child. He's not going anywhere. 2. I don't vacuum every day bc I know I'm fighting a losing battle, and I guess it must not bother me that much. I don't see it as a moral judgement that we are somehow slobs or live in an unclean home just bc Big Dog Man is shedding. 3. I was actually the one who wanted to institute making upstairs dog-free, for this reason. So if you could please get on board with that and stop letting him up at bedtime before the baby gets here, that would be great. 4. No one has to vacuum every day, ... if we both pick up the vacuum every-other day! Omg. Don't hold your breath for that one happening, folks! ;)

Also, how did we get in a thing where I always go down and bring him up his coffee, even on the days when I'm the one who has to get ready to leave??? :/

BostonBaby1 · May 2018

@nlc8424 You’re living what I imagine tobethebest life this morning. Coffee and Netflix in bed while the toddler sleeps!

My FFFC: I fell asleep last night without a bath or shower because I was exhausted. I’m the only one up now but if I turn the water on, the toddler will wake and then the baby will hear him and get up. So I’m staying in bed despite my need to * bathe as we were all up MOTN.

*eta- baby woke as I posted. Hopefully she won’t mind too much.

jumpy57 · May 2018

UO: I think the national appreciation days for people's jobs are dumb. If you don't find importance or job satisfaction in your current job then maybe it's a sign you should do something else. Also if your boss only makes you feel valued on your fancy day then your boss is probably terrible and again, you should find a new job.

FFFC: I have a list of rants at my desk so I can participate in these threads, my mind goes blank otherwise on Thursday/Friday

smsaulino · May 2018

@stothi Amen!!!! Well said!! While I've been going to school online, I've taken care of the house by myself. Granted DH works 10-14 hours a day at his job and is on call occasionally when he's home. He already knows that things are going to be shifting when Polly arrives. I'm teaching him how to load dishwasher, do laundry and keep the house straightened up. He never had to do these things growing up. I don't mind showing him, as long as he is actually going to do them when she arrived. He does tell me daily about how thankful he is for all that I do.

southernlady07 · May 2018

100% agree household tasks should be split in a way that's agreed upon by both partners! I would never last in a marriage where the man expected me to do most of the housework just because I'm a woman. I did read this article https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/03/women-are-overburdened-with-their-families-mental-loads.html a few months ago and found it fascinating and so on point. MH and I both work outside the home, and even though I don't do the majority of the housework (he actually does more than I do and we split cooking duties), I certainly carry the "mental load" for our family. I manage our family schedules, plan the vacations, research and register my DD for school, sports and activities, make sure she has clothes on her back in the right size and the rest are stored away, manage maintenance schedules, decorate the house, plan the meals, etc. etc. Granted, I do enjoy doing these things most of the time and to be honest, it's often easier to just do it myself (case in point: I asked MH to pick up a bouquet of flowers for my DD's graduation last night and it was followed up with multiple questions about what kind to get, what color, how large, etc...seriously?! Just buy some damn flowers!), but I have learned that I really need to delegate to MH or else I get burnt out quickly.

stothi · May 2018

@southernlady07 I'm also the one that definitely carries the mental load for the family. Hubby handles the money and I keep track of everything else. (And I also help keep track of the money...)
The other day after figuring out errands that needed to be run and the order we needed to do them in and what all we needed, ect, I forgot one thing. Just a cooler bag to put some groceries in because we needed to make a stop between the grocery store and home. Not a big deal, but I was frustrated cause I did think of it, I just forgot. I told my husband how frustrated I was and then explained that I was partially frustrated cause he could have just as easily thought of it and remembered cause he knew all the same info I did, but that he never bothers to worry about any of that stuff. I get frustrated that if I don't keep track of the little details, no one does. Obviously this one little thing wasn't an earth shattering deal, but to me it's death by a thousand cuts and when too many small things go wrong it starts to make me frustrated/overwhelmed with the responsibility of being the task and time keeper for our household.

southernlady07 · May 2018

@stothi YES I completely relate to that. It's often small things that get to me the most. Why didn't you notice that we were out of ___ product and order more? Why didn't you think that the registration deadline may be approaching for ___ activity and enroll our child? MH is wonderful in so many ways, but when I initiated a conversation with him about the article after reading it, his response was, "but you like doing all of those things!" Yes, I do, but sometimes it would be nice if you felt the same responsibility to our "family management" so I didn't always have to leave detailed to do lists about what needs to get accomplished.
#FFFCTherapy

stothi · May 2018

Rant/Confession:
Along the lines of an earlier comment I made about not liking people who constantly put themselves down on social media- people trying to make themselves seem more interesting/fishing for comments about how "weird," special or different they are, come across as needy and a bit pathetic to me. Like the random acquaintance who takes first and last day of school pics like everyone else but does some little thing slightly different and has to point it out to everyone and ask if that makes them weird/a bad parent/whatever. Umm... No? And no one cares? Do you really need that much validation in your life that you are special that you have to work that hard to find something- anything- to be "different" about yourself?

Rant/Confession: again with the social media- I really don't like people who take many vacations/spa days/eat out at fancy places who have to tell you about every time they go, like it's a big deal. Sorry not sorry it's not interesting that you are off to Napa Valley, Disney World, or Cancun for the 4th time this year. Especially considering we know you will go again twice more and you do it every year. And, also, plus, could you please not complain about your early flight, unavailability of your favorite room/table or the fact you had to wait in a line for like a minute when you are humble bragging about your latest expensive meal, spa day and/or vacation? How about just be grateful you get to do those things all the damn time.
To clarify, I would absolutely go on the vacations, eat the dinners and do the spa days all the time if I could afford to. Spoil me! Pamper me! Call me Princess! I'm totally into it. But I wouldn't feel the need to rub it in everyone's face and then complain about the details of the tiniest perceived inconveniences of said experiences.

stothi · May 2018

@southernlady07 one specific family management issue that drives me absolutely bsc is bedtime. My husband knows what time our kid's bedtime is. He knows what we do leading up to bedtime. He has a clock on his phone and his laptop, one of which is always open, so why- why- do I have to tell him every. Single. Night. That it's xyz o'clock, time to start the blah blah blah!? And if I wait for him to notice on his own, we'll be like 2-3 hours late getting our kid to bed. He says, "well I don't know what time it was!" Uh, how do you think I know? Do you think there's a little digital clock and alarm that I had surgically implanted in my brain when our child was born? No, dude, I look at the clock. I know bedtime happens after dinner so after dinner I look at the clock. Then a little while later I look at the clock again. It's not a complicated process you just have to pull your head out of your butt and look. I know you can tell time!

jumpy57 · May 2018

@stothi omg bedtime!!!! I tell DH he is doing bedtime. I sit and wait for him to get it started. I sit and wait while DD starts getting emotional because she is tired. Then I can't take it anymore and I initiate bedtime and he looks at me all offended because he was totally going to do it and why do I have to be all grumpy.

stothi · May 2018

@EErin86 yup, that's my husband too about the things. "I was going to do it..."
Uh... When? If bedtime is 8pm and it's now 8:30... Or if the trash bag is over flowing and there's nowhere to put the new trash being created... Or we are completely out of clean dishes and have nothing to make and eat dinner with... When exactly were you planning to do these things?

stothi · May 2018

Confession/Sadness: (I'm on a roll today.)

I don't want everyone to leave and go to Facebook!!! Wah!!! Don't leave me! I know we aren't talking about doing it now but I know it's the popular option later on, but it's not the option for me :'( I'm all for a private group somewhere, here or on another forum, but my internet safety comfort levels require me to stay mostly anonymous for at least as long as my husband is in his current job that requires a certain level of confidentiality. And he's not looking to leave that job anytime soon. I'm very open to sharing more about myself eventually in a more private setting but certain info will never be put out there on a spreadsheet even in a private group. And a Facebook group is a complete no go for me. I get so sad thinking about everyone eventually leaving :'(

adirat · May 2018

@stothi I don't have a Facebook so I will not be leaving for it! (That's probably my UO - I think Facebook is super creepy and destructive to society, and I do not have one.)

nlc8424 · May 2018

@stothi and @adirat I'm not too terribly put off by using this app honestly. I wouldn't mind us going to a more private group setting at some point, but I don't really feel the need to go to Facebook either.

nackie · May 2018

@stothi I stuck around my previous Birth month board until DS was 2. I did finally join their Facebook group then, but I would have been more than happy to keep going on the bump as long as others were participating.

Wishilivedinflorida · May 2018

@stothi and @adirat I hate FB too (don’t have one and it’s AWESOME) and won’t be leaving. I would be great with a private group here to keep in touch after the inevitable migration happens and would be willing to share a little more in that setting.

stothi · May 2018

@adirat I actually about 95% agree with you about FB but I'm not strong enough to quit it

The biggest thing I have against FB is I think it fosters a lot of fake "friendships." Like you have 360 "friends" but maybe only 2 of those people would show up to help you move if you asked for help. 360 "friends" and you've only spoken to 7 of them in real life in the passed 6 months. You end up being "friends" with every person you take a single class with or meet in line at a concert or hang out with for 5 minutes at a friend's birthday party when 10 years ago you never would have seen or heard from those people again.

I think I have maybe 60 Facebook "friends" at this point and have my settings so that maybe like 30 of them can actually see my posts? I'd actually like to get my friends list down to pretty much just the 30 I let see everything but feel weirdly guilty about cutting out people who didn't do anything wrong or went offensive or anyone, they just aren't actually an important part of my life. Like it feels weird to rank people's importance, I guess? And I find it super awkward to unfriend or not add in the first place that friend of a friend that you see at parties/work/school/whatever. I get that I see you in real life, but we aren't friends in a way that I need to know more about your life and you don't need to know more about mine, but it's weird when we have all the same friends or whatever else in common.
Ugh. I overthink it a bit.

I do like Facebook for keeping in touch with really real friends and family, especially those who live too far away for me to see in person.

SkilledSailor · May 2018

I would join the FB group but would likely still stay active over here. I am in so many groups on FB that I rarely check them unless they pop up in my feed. Plus I use social media for work so it’s not a mental break for me like it is for others. TB is my mental break.

Patience7150 · May 2018

This was inspired by @stothi but is no way an attack on her. I cannot stand when SAHM's say things like "I cook, clean, do laundry, run all these errands, AND keep a kid alive all day, what did you do?" Do you think because both H and I work outside the home that neither of us needs to cook, clean, do laundry, or run errands? I get to do all those things, and go to work full time, and get to do all those things while keeping a kid alive because I get to do those things at night or on the weekends. Chores don't get more or less burdensome based on whether you work outside the home or not. And news flash, life isn't a competition for who has it harder. Could I mentally handle being a SAHM? Probably not, but don't act high and mighty that you've somehow got it harder by being a SAHM.

@stothi not convincing you, but a few girls on my last BMB made fake profiles for facebook. The facebook messenger feature was key to MOTN company and support (for me anyway). It was always nice having a few other girls awake to chat with while babe needed company. There are details, and in particular photos, about my babe I won't share on TB since they own everrrrything.

stothi · May 2018

@Patience7150 I 100% agree with you about the SAHM (or any of the moms) saying I do this and this and this so you can too or why are you tired cause I think you do less than me, whatever whatever. It's lame. Cause it's not a contest. We all have different capabilities, tolerances and preferences so there's not much point in comparing in a competitive fashion.

Side note- I've felt like moms that worked part time outside of the home had the best of both worlds. Time with their kids and time with adults hopefully doing work they really enjoy. I personally prefer just full time sahm-ing though. I'm low energy (low, really low energy) and not super interested in spending that much time with other people. I really enjoy volunteering at my son's preschool and then mostly just being home with little buddy.

I thought about the fake Facebook thing. I feel like it would be hard to keep my profile straight but I might consider it. It just feels fake and catfish-y but I guess it would be ok if everyone knew upfront that it was my anonymous account that was going to stay anonymous.

And again with the totally agreeing with you, I won't share certain details about my kids or their pictures on TB since they own anything you post here. I have in the past and am happy to in the future share some pics of my kids in a private group in a different format though.

MandyMost · May 2018

I’m also not a fan of moving to Facebook...but my reason is that I think there’s some great, supportive people on here and I’m worried I’d find out things about people that would make me immediately unfriend/block then from their profiles. (I swear I’m not thinking of anyone in particular!). I imagine you are all intelligent, open-minded people and would just hate to find out differently! I have no time in my life for the hatred, ignorance, and intolerance that some people spread through thier Facebook profiles based on what they’re liking or sharing. :-(

BostonBaby1 · May 2018

I don’t even have a “real” Facebook. But I haven’t found it to be a problem for most people that moved over from The Bump. It’s not like I have a real one and don’t want to use it but I don’t mind if anybody else doesn’t want to share all of the personal info with a group of women that they barely know. I would be open to moving to a private group here or eventually to Facebook but definitely think taking it slow is best! Stranger danger and all.

And yes to the mental load of managing the family!

Redpuma119 · May 2018

+1 for not going to Facebook. I have one but rarely ever check it. I have a few reasons for staying here..
1- I don’t want to have to have anonymous profiles, because why do that when you have anonymity here? And on that same note, it’s next to impossible to create a fake account anymore. Our social media department tried for a year long project and got shut down.
2- stranger danger
3-I like that on TB I can check in with other groups. I’ve cultivated a lot of important friendships, as different as they are from friends IRL, they’re still friendships. Those women are important to me. They’ve supported me though some of the toughest times, and hopefully I’ve been able to do that in return.

jjess1201 · May 2018

I guess my UO would be I can't wait to have a FB group! Lol I have my profile locked down and I don't have to friend everyone to be in a group and can still only share what I want to share. I'm in a FB group with my DS's July 14 group and it's so much easier to communicate and participate. I like how FB comment threads are set up, it's a lot easier to follow and comment on specific topics. Just my UO and 2 cents.

adirat · May 2018

MandyMost said:

I’m also not a fan of moving to Facebook...but my reason is that I think there’s some great, supportive people on here and I’m worried I’d find out things about people that would make me immediately unfriend/block then from their profiles. (I swear I’m not thinking of anyone in particular!). I imagine you are all intelligent, open-minded people and would just hate to find out differently! I have no time in my life for the hatred, ignorance, and intolerance that some people spread through thier Facebook profiles based on what they’re liking or sharing. :-(

@mandymost One time my husband facebook-friended someone from a grad school class only to find out this guy was a Holocaust denier. YEP. Definitely couldn't tolerate him after that.

knitknitread · May 2018

Confession: I completely forgot I was pregnant yesterday. It just didn't even register all day. I flopped on the bed, face down and quickly remembered

stothi · May 2018

@knitknitread I rolled over into my stomach the other night without thinking and I got stuck! Ow!

pourmeanothermocktail · May 2018

Confession: reading to my toddler is a serious chore which I tend to run from. I love reading a book or two a day, before nap or bed, preferably, but he gets seriously into books sometimes randomly and if I sit down anywhere near where he can get a book, he will bring them to me one after the other for hours (have tried!).

So now after 2 books (or 3 if one is short), we change locations (go outside, take a trip to goodwill, or even just go into basement where there's Lego piles and blocks and TV) because if I have to read another book I'm going to cry

jumpy57 · May 2018

@pourmeamocktail haha I lose it a little if DD wants me to read the same book multiple times. Is she wants it read again I make her ask DH so at least we take turns reading it

Redpuma119 · May 2018

@pourmeamocktail @eerin86. My dsd didn’t like books at all. She’s always just lost interest and just now at 8 she’s starting to enjoy it. I was helping her read the other night and after a while I told her she could play with toys or we could play a game until bed, but she asked if she could keep reading! Made me so happy since she’s hated it forever. But I’m cracking up thinking that sometimes too much of something can drive you crazy. I might be eating my words down the road

Want a personalized experience?

UO/FFFC Mash-up 5/25

Re: UO/FFFC Mash-up 5/25

Choose Another Board

Search Boards