Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: FFFC
I wondered this too, but decided I didn't want to hear the answer.
Well to lighten the mood I have a new FFFC! When a reg gives me a love tit, I feel super special like I met a celebrity. Yea dorky...
Me too! Maybe even an oyster if DH orders some. We're in NYC for the weekend and I'm having fun!
Celebrities are not role models. Ugh. I do have one comment on the whole CM thing...I think Lea Michelle has pimped out his death waaaaaaaay too much and she bugs the ever loving shit out of me,
I HATE Angel Soft. I can't stand the lotiony feel! BLECH! I'm ALL about some Charmin Ultra Strong. That stuff is dreamy.....
We are a Charmin family as well, but yesterday, my dr told me I might want to consider switching to baby wipes for the rest of the pregnancy. No toilet paper is delicate enough for me.
Do you want mine? He turns into Grumpy Bear when the house isn't clean or tidy. I'm the Messy- he's the Fussy.
I've battled with depression and anxiety since I can remember. After a surgery, I found out that pain pills, that my Dr. prescribed, helped quiet the inner pain more than anything else ever had. Eventually, so did heroin.
Addiction is sad and awful no matter how the government feels about the substance. There is more than one reason that people have nick-names, or pet-names for drugs, they become something you build a relationship with. Heroin was more reliable than anything else I had in my life. Sure, I chose that path, but I sure didn't choose the life events that led me there. I knew that my life was spiraling out of control but the thought of losing the one comfort I had made it hard to do anything about it.
Asking for help is HARD. I was lucky and found my way out of a deep dark hole before I lost everything. But that hole is still there and I work Damn hard every day to keep it filled with things other than my addiction. I've been clean for 18 months and worry about some future day that might be too hard to get through. @KelseyKetchum, try and see situations through other eyes. Something being illegal is no less deserving of sympathy.
Whew... thanks to everyone for sharing their stories. We have some awesome and strong ladies on this board. This topic hit home for me and it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside to see everyone supporting each other.
My second FFFC... I am kinda nervous no one will want to be my labor buddy because of what I posted about my addiction. I still have a hard time talking to people about it IRL for fear of judgment.
Good thing i have a mini cheesecake in the fridge.
I have struggled with severe depression for most of my life. At its worst, I just wanted to die every single moment. Day after day I was taunted by the thought of "How easy would it be to slit my wrists and bleed out" or swallow a bottle of pills, or tie a string around my neck just a little too tight- I couldn't take my own suffering anymore. The only way I knew how to end it was to permanently not be conscious anymore. No matter how bad it got though, I always knew my family would have to suffer for my actions. Although I couldn't understand why, I knew that they loved me and if I took my own life like this, they would all suffer for the rest of their lives. NO WAY was I going to be responsible for lifelong suffering of others, because I was too much a wuss to handle my own suffering. Knowing that was the only thing that kept me alive often. Though I wished I could die with all my might, I controlled my overwhelming desire to kill myself, I CHOSE to not try to end my life.
Since, I have also struggled with sugar addiction. I know this is not on the same level as alcohol or drug addiction, but it is an addiction nonetheless. I KNEW sugar and sweets were bad for me, that I was becoming more and more overweight, but I felt as if I couldn't help but indulge. I would buy large amounts of sugary foods, and secretly binge on it all as soon as I could. Secretly, because I knew it was wrong and felt ashamed. I was always thinking of when and how I could get my next "fix" of sugar. There were times when I would resist the urge as strong as it was, but it was never too long before I broke down and secretly binged again. Through it all, while I did not choose to have the addiction, I ultimately chose to pick up that carton of donuts and eat it all. I chose to stop at the store on my way home, I chose to buy all those terrible things. The reason I didn't abstain like I did about killing myself is that I knew killing myself was a permanent thing. Whereas, just because I indulged in sweets today didn't dictate me indulging for the rest of my life.
To me it is very tricky, it is not "yes you can control addiction" or "no you can't." Nobody chooses addiction, but can they truly not control deciding to indulge each time? I can't really say. In my experience, I would say even though it is very very difficult to resist, ultimately the addict is responsible for continuing their addiction, but as I truly cannot be inside every addicts' head, I cannot truly decide whether or not it was possible for them to not use again.
So, while I lean towards the idea that addicts can choose to continue to indulge their addiction, even while fully aware of the possible consequences, I cannot know this for certain in any case except my own, so I ultimately cannot come up with a conclusive statement on the matter.
Flame away.
My friend was changing her two year old a couple of weeks back (he's being potty trained) and he said "smells like shit!". I though that was v funny!!
Really sorry to hear what you went through. I really hope you don't have those dreadful thoughts anymore. I enjoy seeing you on here and your LO needs you so don't go doing anything silly xx
I know we all have our demons and I hesitate to judge others because who knows what would have happened to me if I didn't have a family who loved me and the meds didn't work.
And @mrssturm45, I'd love to!