FFFC

kittyh8r

tarashea721 said:

frankierokx said:

KelseyKetchum said:

Prescription drug addiction can stem from depending on them for medical reasons in the beginning and then not being able to cope without. And I am not looking to make my comment or thought acceptable that is why I put it up on FFFC day. I understand this Hirt feelings and for that I apologize but no I have no sympathy for that person, there are other ways to deal with silent pain otherwise many more people would be using drugs.

You have no idea why I was addicted to prescribed medications, I went through a horrible time in my life and you seem very lucky not to have gone through anything like this. You have no idea what you are talking about so just stop, please just stop while you are ahead of yourself. 

You are the first person to ever make it on my post it. 

Girl, I'm right there with you..She's not the first, but she did a great job making it on there. I just can't anymore. I just fucking can't!

She's my first post it....even over....Amy and SG. Crazy.

What's a post it?

kittyh8r

EmmaBoBemma said:

KelseyKetchum said:

Prescription drug addiction can stem from depending on them for medical reasons in the beginning and then not being able to cope without. And I am not looking to make my comment or thought acceptable that is why I put it up on FFFC day. I understand this Hirt feelings and for that I apologize but no I have no sympathy for that person, there are other ways to deal with silent pain otherwise many more people would be using drugs.

This is disgusting. I can't even...No sympathy? None? 

You need some compassion. BAD. 

ETA: To add that people don't seek out addiction. You never know what leads someone to choose a substance. You never know what is going on in someone's life that brings them to the point of drug use. I cannot wrap my head around having no sympathy for someone who loses their life because they most likely just wanted to numb some pain. 

I am dreading the day that I will get a phone call that my brother is dead. If he doesn't clean up his act, he will end up dead. He is a stupid 28 year old who makes a million bad choices. You probably have no sympathy for him. Our mom died when he was 14 and I was 9, my dad was a raging alcoholic and beat the crap out of us until we were able to leave. My brother is stuck at 14 because he was never shown how to grow up. He makes choices like a 14 year old. Luckily I had family step in for me at 16, or who knows what would have happened to me. 

I am not telling you this for sympathy, but so you have an idea of the kind of background you're missing out on. I don't need to know all these things about someone's past to have sympathy for them. I know most people don't wake up and think "hey, let's go get addicted to something today."

KelseyKetchum I want to tag you. It's important to me that you read this.

KelseyKetchum

I'm sorry to have upset you all and I do not know what you have been through just know what my people with addictions have been through. Any death is upsetting I guess maybe I'm not conveying myself appropriately. I'm not sure what a post it is but my aim wasn't to be on one of course I respect many of you in this board and your opinions many if which I disagree with. This will be my final response since many have asked me to stop. Regardless I hope this does not banish me off the board but I understand if it does. I had to have at least one opinion that pissed everyone off eventually I suppose.

blainethetrain

Heaven802002 said:

KelseyKetchum said:

Prescription drug addiction can stem from depending on them for medical reasons in the beginning and then not being able to cope without. And I am not looking to make my comment or thought acceptable that is why I put it up on FFFC day. I understand this Hirt feelings and for that I apologize but no I have no sympathy for that person, there are other ways to deal with silent pain otherwise many more people would be using drugs.

So let's just say your LO ends up using illegal drugs when they're older and they become addicted and dies- will you say that's what they get??? I know it's morbid but I'm really curious about this.

I wondered this too, but decided I didn't want to hear the answer.

frankierokx

A Post It.

leahraewku

I'm trying hard to understand your logic here.  You can die from lung cancer caused by smoking cigarettes, eat your way to a heart attack, or overdose on prescription pills from your MD and be mourned appropriately.  But if your vice isn't found in a grocery store or pharmacy, it's zero sympathy for you?  Addiction takes many forms.  Some legal, some not.  What's the point in differentiating? 

wmarley

Well to lighten the mood I have a new FFFC! When a reg gives me a love tit, I feel super special like I met a celebrity. Yea dorky...

2010weddinggal

Addiction is a terrible thing, even if a person gets clean the chances of them dying later are high. Just because you get clean does not mean the damage has not already been done. My stepfather battled with drinking for many years and he died on my moms living room floor sleeping next to my brother 2 days before Christmas. He died because his liver failed him, and his heart finally gave out, I remember years of him vomiting blood and turning yellow, my mom going to the hospital and saying he may not make it back. It does not matter is the addiction is legal or not, it is still an illness and deserves to be treated as one. Now here is where my FFFC comes in. I think they should NOT over sympathize the celebrities that have the illness, yes I understand they had a problem, yes I understand they have little control over said problem. But to make so many tributes to said problem kind of disgust me, they are role models and should act accordingly, you never see so many tributes to an average Joe with the same problem, do they not deserve one because they are not a star/have money etc my heart goes out to all of you and everyone everywhere that has dealt with this infliction.

notkateanymore

gwinnygirl said:

I'm having sushi AND wine tonight.

Me too! Maybe even an oyster if DH orders some. We're in NYC for the weekend and I'm having fun!

northport6

@KateMW said:

gwinnygirl said:

I'm having sushi AND wine tonight.

Me too! Maybe even an oyster if DH orders some. We're in NYC for the weekend and I'm having fun!

YAY!  HAVE ALL THE FUN!

katieh704

Soozerella said:

haha I was just thinking of my lighter note one too.. the nursing part of my bra just unhooked while I was itching my back at my desk, so now I have to stealthily rehook it before I walk anywhere.  

also I'm glad I have @katieh704 on my side, because all the people that live in my area on the board are the most sideeyeable.  

Haha couldn't agree more!

notkateanymore

2010weddinggal said:

Addiction is a terrible thing, even if a person gets clean the chances of them dying later are high. Just because you get clean does not mean the damage has not already been done. My stepfather battled with drinking for many years and he died on my moms living room floor sleeping next to my brother 2 days before Christmas. He died because his liver failed him, and his heart finally gave out, I remember years of him vomiting blood and turning yellow, my mom going to the hospital and saying he may not make it back. It does not matter is the addiction is legal or not, it is still an illness and deserves to be treated as one. Now here is where my FFFC comes in. I think they should NOT over sympathize the celebrities that have the illness, yes I understand they had a problem, yes I understand they have little control over said problem. But to make so many tributes to said problem kind of disgust me, they are role models and should act accordingly, you never see so many tributes to an average Joe with the same problem, do they not deserve one because they are not a star/have money etc my heart goes out to all of you and everyone everywhere that has dealt with this infliction.

Celebrities are not role models. Ugh. I do have one comment on the whole CM thing...I think Lea Michelle has pimped out his death waaaaaaaay too much and she bugs the ever loving shit out of me,

KelseyKetchum

I would not ever ever gcgb out of the dec 13 board I love and respect you all even if after this. And I was only leaving here because some members request I stop so I am. Out of courtesy.

esf60

@KateMW @gwinnygirl Have a ball, ladies! My husband went to ACL with his bros and left me here all by my lonesome. I figure he deserves one last hurrah and I'm secretly excited to have my house to myself.

northport6

@nursetrina said:

Soozerella said:

Soozerella said:I mentioned a while ago that I started therapy because I was pretty seriously depressed. Today is another session with the lady and she is always 20-25 minutes late to our hour appointment and doesn't really do anything that encourage me to take drugs instead of breastfeeding and talk to me about my annoying MIL. Basically I feel like it's a giant waste of my time and especially now that I'm not feeling depressed I just want to stop going, but pretend like I still am to appease DH.

I am glad you are feeling a bit better but sorry your therapist sucks.  Are there any other therapists nearby that you could try out?  Therapy was so helpful for me after DS1 was born.  Also, there are medications that are safe while breastfeeding so it doesn't have to be one or the other.  I refused meds last time because I didn't want to risk it and then spent the first 1.5 years of DS1's life in a PPD haze.  If I get PPD again this time I am going to take bf safe med.

I had pretty serious depression when I was a teenager and was on a series of different medications that all made me pretty dangerously suicidal. I know that this is pretty common for younger people on antidepressants but I'm so terrified that it could happen again that I don't feel safe taking anything while my baby is 100% dependent on me. I sort of feel like after the 6th month mark if I still feel like shit I will be more inclined to take something. I'm not anti-drugs by any means I'm just scared of them for myself.

Sorry to serial post, but I have another tip based on your comment here. My depression was very serious- I was hospitalized for a suicide attempt at one point and in an outpatient full day program for about a year. Anyway, when I got pregnant w my first child my psychiatrist put me on high doses of Omega 3, the EPA component in particular. The dose is way higher than you would get with a prenatal supplement. Anyway, it worked wonders for me after about 2 weeks, and to this day I still take it, and am drug free. If I go off, I can tell. If you want more info send me a pm, I have lots of studies and data that show how well it works. I currently take GNC's triple strength Fish Oil, 3 tablets.

First off-- I agree with PP--- strong biches up in here. Second-- Can we take that Omega 3 while pregnant and Breastfeeding? I have struggled with depression several times throughout my life most recently needing medication after my divorce. THIS makes me worried about PPD but I'm kindof hoping if I pretend it's not gonna happen to me-- it won't. Bad plan I'm sure. So I'm definitely curious about this.

Definitely ask your OB before you start to take anything, but mine was very encouraging of supplements and vitamins to keep PPD at bay, given my history of treating my depression successfully with them and a general unwillingness to go back to pharmaceuticals. 

2010weddinggal

KateMW said:

2010weddinggal said:

Addiction is a terrible thing, even if a person gets clean the chances of them dying later are high. Just because you get clean does not mean the damage has not already been done. My stepfather battled with drinking for many years and he died on my moms living room floor sleeping next to my brother 2 days before Christmas. He died because his liver failed him, and his heart finally gave out, I remember years of him vomiting blood and turning yellow, my mom going to the hospital and saying he may not make it back. It does not matter is the addiction is legal or not, it is still an illness and deserves to be treated as one. Now here is where my FFFC comes in. I think they should NOT over sympathize the celebrities that have the illness, yes I understand they had a problem, yes I understand they have little control over said problem. But to make so many tributes to said problem kind of disgust me, they are role models and should act accordingly, you never see so many tributes to an average Joe with the same problem, do they not deserve one because they are not a star/have money etc my heart goes out to all of you and everyone everywhere that has dealt with this infliction.

Celebrities are not role models. Ugh. I do have one comment on the whole CM thing...I think Lea Michelle has pimped out his death waaaaaaaay too much and she bugs the ever loving shit out of me,

In this day and age they are though, kids look up to them and that means that they should conduct themselves in a way they would want a kid to look up to them. Like I said I agreed with addiction being a whole illness type struggle, but it should be left out of the media.

bwade007

SweetSouthernMomma08 said:

hckygrl909 said:

gwinnygirl said:

I'm seriously contemplating throwing away the bargain tp that H bought - my delicate lady bits can't handle that sandpaper crap.

Only angel soft is allowed in our house. Soft but not soft enough to leave toilet paper lint balls in your crevices.

I HATE Angel Soft.  I  can't stand the lotiony feel!  BLECH!  I'm ALL about some Charmin Ultra Strong.  That stuff is dreamy.....

We are a Charmin family as well, but yesterday, my dr told me I might want to consider switching to baby wipes for the rest of the pregnancy. No toilet paper is delicate enough for me.

hjweber

DH went to work and my mom came to pick up DD for a little while; first thing I did was wipe down my bathroom vanities and clean the toilets.  I am on bed rest.  I think it's bad that I have to sneak clean.  I feel bad but I can't stand a 'dirty' house and DH is doing a horrible job.  It's like he just doesn't care.  

He won't even notice that I did it when he gets home from work.  Guaranteed.  And I did sit down and put my feet up right after I did it.  

backoffunicorn

I haven't watched the whole episode of Glee from last night b/c DH had to watch football, but I'm glad that they addressed his death on there.  Shows that I grew up on like Beverly Hills 90210 and My So-Called Life and even Saved by the Bell addressed it and I feel that they should.  I want my kids to understand what addiction is and be able to come to me with questions about it.

I'm not going to turn a blind eye and just pretend it doesn't exist hoping my kids make it through their teenage years without experimenting with drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, etc.

MamaGrillo

Heaven802002 said:

nursetrina said:

hjweber said:

DH went to work and my mom came to pick up DD for a little while; first thing I did was wipe down my bathroom vanities and clean the toilets.  I am on bed rest.  I think it's bad that I have to sneak clean.  I feel bad but I can't stand a 'dirty' house and DH is doing a horrible job.  It's like he just doesn't care.  

He won't even notice that I did it when he gets home from work.  Guaranteed.  And I did sit down and put my feet up right after I did it.  

Men don't see the house the way we do. At least my SO doesn't. I have to ask him to clean specific things because he will never notice a dirty sink/toilet/bathtub. It just isn't on his radar. So frustrating.

Oh they notice, they're just too lazy to do anything about it. My H doesn't let me clean the tub because he doesn't want me inhaling the chemicals but I haven't seen him get in there once!


Do you want mine? He turns into Grumpy Bear when the house isn't clean or tidy. I'm the Messy- he's the Fussy.

cammyisagirlsname

My confession is that I downloaded the Miley Cyrus album and it is so good!!! Haha!

nofcksgiven

jenniferbromley said:

My confession is that I downloaded the Miley Cyrus album and it is so good!!! Haha!

I love her and I'm not ashamed to say it.

cammyisagirlsname

@Meggie0421 I love her music! I of course talked a lot of shit about her during the VMAs and around that time. But this album is so fun! And she was really good on SNL and the Today Show.

cammyisagirlsname

nursetrina said:

jenniferbromley said:

My confession is that I downloaded the Miley Cyrus album and it is so good!!! Haha!

I bought the Wrecking Ball song. Is the whole album good?!??

Yes! If you like fun pop music it's awesome! Britney Spears is on it and so is Big Sean and Future. I love it start to finish @nursetrina

hjweber

Heaven802002 said:

nursetrina said:

Men don't see the house the way we do. At least my SO doesn't. I have to ask him to clean specific things because he will never notice a dirty sink/toilet/bathtub. It just isn't on his radar. So frustrating.

Oh they notice, they're just too lazy to do anything about it. My H doesn't let me clean the tub because he doesn't want me inhaling the chemicals but I haven't seen him get in there once!

I literally have to keep a list going of things that need to be done; the simplest of things like unload/load the dishwasher, vacuum the carpets, check the mail, start/fold laundry.  I prefer writing a list to asking verbally because I think it's ridiculous that I have to remind him of those things and I tend to ask with an attitude.  Seriously, you're a grown man, and you can't think to check the mail for 4 days?  And you can't see and feel on your feet all the cereal crumbs on the carpet from DD?  I just can't wait to be off bed rest.  I've never wanted to clean and go to work so badly in my entire life.  

babymonster30

nursetrina said:

esf60 said:

@KelseyKetchum how is abusing illegal drugs any different from abusing prescription drugs, in your mind? Both are illegal, but that's beside the point. There was some emotional issue or problem that led the individual to turn to substances as a way to cope with pain. It's usually a private, unspoken pain that they don't know how to fix. It's very sad to me that you don't have sympathy for these people.

ANDplusalso, I've known many people who started with the legal prescription stuff and ended up on a bad road shooting up heroin.

I am late to reply here, but this was me.
I've battled with depression and anxiety since I can remember. After a surgery, I found out that pain pills, that my Dr. prescribed, helped quiet the inner pain more than anything else ever had. Eventually, so did heroin.

Addiction is sad and awful no matter how the government feels about the substance. There is more than one reason that people have nick-names, or pet-names for drugs, they become something you build a relationship with. Heroin was more reliable than anything else I had in my life. Sure, I chose that path, but I sure didn't choose the life events that led me there. I knew that my life was spiraling out of control but the thought of losing the one comfort I had made it hard to do anything about it.

Asking for help is HARD. I was lucky and found my way out of a deep dark hole before I lost everything. But that hole is still there and I work Damn hard every day to keep it filled with things other than my addiction. I've been clean for 18 months and worry about some future day that might be too hard to get through. @KelseyKetchum, try and see situations through other eyes. Something being illegal is no less deserving of sympathy.

Whew... thanks to everyone for sharing their stories. We have some awesome and strong ladies on this board. This topic hit home for me and it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside to see everyone supporting each other. Creepy hugs to everyone who needs one!

cantsitwithus

@babymonster30 congrats on 18 months sober!

babymonster30

My FFFC is that we are currently sleeping on an air mattress until we get our new bed next week. It's one of the tall ones, but I cannot get up off it easily. I cried last night, much to my FI's amusement because I was feeling so defeated. I'm huge. I had to fill a big storage tub with heavy things to use as a counter weight when I get up to pee ten times a night.

My second FFFC... I am kinda nervous no one will want to be my labor buddy because of what I posted about my addiction. I still have a hard time talking to people about it IRL for fear of judgment.

Good thing i have a mini cheesecake in the fridge.

peitri

Late to the party. My FFFC is that I passed my glucose test yesterday with flying colors and I'm using that as an excuse to eat everything sugary - juice, Halloween candy, ice cream, cereal - you name it.

nofcksgiven

My FFFC is that we are currently sleeping on an air mattress until we get our new bed next week. It's one of the tall ones, but I cannot get up off it easily. I cried last night, much to my FI's amusement because I was feeling so defeated. I'm huge. I had to fill a big storage tub with heavy things to use as a counter weight when I get up to pee ten times a night. My second FFFC... I am kinda nervous no one will want to be my labor buddy because of what I posted about my addiction. I still have a hard time talking to people about it IRL for fear of judgment. Good thing i have a mini cheesecake in the fridge.

Some people (as we've seen today) will judge. Those people are assholes. I assume you're a part of a fellowship. If you're not, you'll find an amazing amount of support from people who have been to the same places you have. 18 months is a huge accomplishment. Be very, very proud of it.

notthecheat

Soozerella said:

I mentioned a while ago that I started therapy because I was pretty seriously depressed. Today is another session with the lady and she is always 20-25 minutes late to our hour appointment and doesn't really do anything that encourage me to take drugs instead of breastfeeding and talk to me about my annoying MIL.

Basically I feel like it's a giant waste of my time and especially now that I'm not feeling depressed I just want to stop going, but pretend like I still am to appease DH.

So sorry you are dealing with depression. It affects everyone differently. I have severe depression and it was a nightmare before I got diagnosed and treated properly. Everyone wanted me to go to counseling but it made me feel worse every time I went. I didn't want to talk about it- to me that did nothing but remind me how depressed I was. For me, medication was the answer but it has been a looooooong journey. Feel free to PM me if you have questions or anything. I really hope you feel better soon because depression is the worst feeling in the world.

Tori7211

I had a lady the other day put her hands on my belly and try to guess the body parts "oh that's her head. I think that's her feet....maybe a butt?" Exactly like that. It was weird....

notthecheat

I may get flamed for this, but I am very torn about the role of choice in addiction. I am a firm believer of taking responsibility of one's actions. I understand that addiction itself is not a choice and is a very debilitating disease. I understand that humans are not perfect and everyone makes mistakes. Although I have studied addiction and seen it in real life in patients, I have not had a close family member, friend, or loved one affected by addiction and I know this skews my opinion. However, I have struggled with my own demons in parallel ways.

I have struggled with severe depression for most of my life. At its worst, I just wanted to die every single moment. Day after day I was taunted by the thought of "How easy would it be to slit my wrists and bleed out" or swallow a bottle of pills, or tie a string around my neck just a little too tight- I couldn't take my own suffering anymore. The only way I knew how to end it was to permanently not be conscious anymore. No matter how bad it got though, I always knew my family would have to suffer for my actions. Although I couldn't understand why, I knew that they loved me and if I took my own life like this, they would all suffer for the rest of their lives. NO WAY was I going to be responsible for lifelong suffering of others, because I was too much a wuss to handle my own suffering. Knowing that was the only thing that kept me alive often. Though I wished I could die with all my might, I controlled my overwhelming desire to kill myself, I CHOSE to not try to end my life.

Since, I have also struggled with sugar addiction. I know this is not on the same level as alcohol or drug addiction, but it is an addiction nonetheless. I KNEW sugar and sweets were bad for me, that I was becoming more and more overweight, but I felt as if I couldn't help but indulge. I would buy large amounts of sugary foods, and secretly binge on it all as soon as I could. Secretly, because I knew it was wrong and felt ashamed. I was always thinking of when and how I could get my next "fix" of sugar. There were times when I would resist the urge as strong as it was, but it was never too long before I broke down and secretly binged again. Through it all, while I did not choose to have the addiction, I ultimately chose to pick up that carton of donuts and eat it all. I chose to stop at the store on my way home, I chose to buy all those terrible things. The reason I didn't abstain like I did about killing myself is that I knew killing myself was a permanent thing. Whereas, just because I indulged in sweets today didn't dictate me indulging for the rest of my life.

To me it is very tricky, it is not "yes you can control addiction" or "no you can't." Nobody chooses addiction, but can they truly not control deciding to indulge each time? I can't really say. In my experience, I would say even though it is very very difficult to resist, ultimately the addict is responsible for continuing their addiction, but as I truly cannot be inside every addicts' head, I cannot truly decide whether or not it was possible for them to not use again.

So, while I lean towards the idea that addicts can choose to continue to indulge their addiction, even while fully aware of the possible consequences, I cannot know this for certain in any case except my own, so I ultimately cannot come up with a conclusive statement on the matter.


Flame away.

Keenanshell

Meggie0421 said:

Keenanshell said:

Not sure if this is a good enough confession but I use the c word quite a lot. I'm a little worried my little one will hear me say it. I tried cutting down my swearing but it didn't really take off lol x

I'm really worried that my child's fist word will be "fuck" or something along those lines.
I talk like a sailor. I've been trying to stop, but FFS, old habits die hard.

@meggie0421 & @JaxxM, my DH said it does come naturally to stop the swearing in front of your children. He has a 9 yo son from a previous relationship and in complete honesty, I'm shocked at how well he does not to swear in front of him. I suppose we can just hope!! Part of my thinks its hilarious hearing kids swear though. That should be another fffc I suppose. Lol.

My friend was changing her two year old a couple of weeks back (he's being potty trained) and he said "smells like shit!". I though that was v funny!! )

Keenanshell

sventurarn said:

I may get flamed for this, but I am very torn about the role of choice in addiction. I am a firm believer of taking responsibility of one's actions. I understand that addiction itself is not a choice and is a very debilitating disease. I understand that humans are not perfect and everyone makes mistakes. Although I have studied addiction and seen it in real life in patients, I have not had a close family member, friend, or loved one affected by addiction and I know this skews my opinion. However, I have struggled with my own demons in parallel ways.

I have struggled with severe depression for most of my life. At its worst, I just wanted to die every single moment. Day after day I was taunted by the thought of "How easy would it be to slit my wrists and bleed out" or swallow a bottle of pills, or tie a string around my neck just a little too tight- I couldn't take my own suffering anymore. The only way I knew how to end it was to permanently not be conscious anymore. No matter how bad it got though, I always knew my family would have to suffer for my actions. Although I couldn't understand why, I knew that they loved me and if I took my own life like this, they would all suffer for the rest of their lives. NO WAY was I going to be responsible for lifelong suffering of others, because I was too much a wuss to handle my own suffering. Knowing that was the only thing that kept me alive often. Though I wished I could die with all my might, I controlled my overwhelming desire to kill myself, I CHOSE to not try to end my life.

Since, I have also struggled with sugar addiction. I know this is not on the same level as alcohol or drug addiction, but it is an addiction nonetheless. I KNEW sugar and sweets were bad for me, that I was becoming more and more overweight, but I felt as if I couldn't help but indulge. I would buy large amounts of sugary foods, and secretly binge on it all as soon as I could. Secretly, because I knew it was wrong and felt ashamed. I was always thinking of when and how I could get my next "fix" of sugar. There were times when I would resist the urge as strong as it was, but it was never too long before I broke down and secretly binged again. Through it all, while I did not choose to have the addiction, I ultimately chose to pick up that carton of donuts and eat it all. I chose to stop at the store on my way home, I chose to buy all those terrible things. The reason I didn't abstain like I did about killing myself is that I knew killing myself was a permanent thing. Whereas, just because I indulged in sweets today didn't dictate me indulging for the rest of my life.

To me it is very tricky, it is not "yes you can control addiction" or "no you can't." Nobody chooses addiction, but can they truly not control deciding to indulge each time? I can't really say. In my experience, I would say even though it is very very difficult to resist, ultimately the addict is responsible for continuing their addiction, but as I truly cannot be inside every addicts' head, I cannot truly decide whether or not it was possible for them to not use again.

So, while I lean towards the idea that addicts can choose to continue to indulge their addiction, even while fully aware of the possible consequences, I cannot know this for certain in any case except my own, so I ultimately cannot come up with a conclusive statement on the matter.


Flame away.

Really sorry to hear what you went through. I really hope you don't have those dreadful thoughts anymore. I enjoy seeing you on here and your LO needs you so don't go doing anything silly xx

notthecheat

Keenanshell said:

sventurarn said:

I may get flamed for this, but I am very torn about the role of choice in addiction. I am a firm believer of taking responsibility of one's actions. I understand that addiction itself is not a choice and is a very debilitating disease. I understand that humans are not perfect and everyone makes mistakes. Although I have studied addiction and seen it in real life in patients, I have not had a close family member, friend, or loved one affected by addiction and I know this skews my opinion. However, I have struggled with my own demons in parallel ways.

I have struggled with severe depression for most of my life. At its worst, I just wanted to die every single moment. Day after day I was taunted by the thought of "How easy would it be to slit my wrists and bleed out" or swallow a bottle of pills, or tie a string around my neck just a little too tight- I couldn't take my own suffering anymore. The only way I knew how to end it was to permanently not be conscious anymore. No matter how bad it got though, I always knew my family would have to suffer for my actions. Although I couldn't understand why, I knew that they loved me and if I took my own life like this, they would all suffer for the rest of their lives. NO WAY was I going to be responsible for lifelong suffering of others, because I was too much a wuss to handle my own suffering. Knowing that was the only thing that kept me alive often. Though I wished I could die with all my might, I controlled my overwhelming desire to kill myself, I CHOSE to not try to end my life.

Since, I have also struggled with sugar addiction. I know this is not on the same level as alcohol or drug addiction, but it is an addiction nonetheless. I KNEW sugar and sweets were bad for me, that I was becoming more and more overweight, but I felt as if I couldn't help but indulge. I would buy large amounts of sugary foods, and secretly binge on it all as soon as I could. Secretly, because I knew it was wrong and felt ashamed. I was always thinking of when and how I could get my next "fix" of sugar. There were times when I would resist the urge as strong as it was, but it was never too long before I broke down and secretly binged again. Through it all, while I did not choose to have the addiction, I ultimately chose to pick up that carton of donuts and eat it all. I chose to stop at the store on my way home, I chose to buy all those terrible things. The reason I didn't abstain like I did about killing myself is that I knew killing myself was a permanent thing. Whereas, just because I indulged in sweets today didn't dictate me indulging for the rest of my life.

To me it is very tricky, it is not "yes you can control addiction" or "no you can't." Nobody chooses addiction, but can they truly not control deciding to indulge each time? I can't really say. In my experience, I would say even though it is very very difficult to resist, ultimately the addict is responsible for continuing their addiction, but as I truly cannot be inside every addicts' head, I cannot truly decide whether or not it was possible for them to not use again.

So, while I lean towards the idea that addicts can choose to continue to indulge their addiction, even while fully aware of the possible consequences, I cannot know this for certain in any case except my own, so I ultimately cannot come up with a conclusive statement on the matter.


Flame away.

Really sorry to hear what you went through. I really hope you don't have those dreadful thoughts anymore. I enjoy seeing you on here and your LO needs you so don't go doing anything silly xx

Thank you @Keenanshell!! That means a lot to me. :x I have been on high dose meds every day since 2005. There have been a couple times in there where I was really busy and forgot to take them, and I was slipping back in the hole, but not long after I started taking them again I came back. I have not been that bad ever since. My parents and DH are amazing and I know I can come to them if I ever find myself in trouble again. It is amazing what a dark time in your life can do to you. I know that if I could make it through that, I can make it through anything.

I know we all have our demons and I hesitate to judge others because who knows what would have happened to me if I didn't have a family who loved me and the meds didn't work.

babymonster30

Thanks everyone for the support.

And @mrssturm45, I'd love to!

mrssturm45 said:

babymonster30 said:

My FFFC is that we are currently sleeping on an air mattress until we get our new bed next week. It's one of the tall ones, but I cannot get up off it easily. I cried last night, much to my FI's amusement because I was feeling so defeated. I'm huge. I had to fill a big storage tub with heavy things to use as a counter weight when I get up to pee ten times a night.

My second FFFC... I am kinda nervous no one will want to be my labor buddy because of what I posted about my addiction. I still have a hard time talking to people about it IRL for fear of judgment.

Good thing i have a mini cheesecake in the fridge.

@babymonster30 I'll be your labor buddy! That is, if you'll have me

MEP923

@babymonster30 congrats on 18 months sober. That is huge! You are very strong.

jamrosj

Keenanshell said:

Not sure if this is a good enough confession but I use the c word quite a lot. I'm a little worried my little one will hear me say it. I tried cutting down my swearing but it didn't really take off lol x

I'm really worried that my child's fist word will be "fuck" or something along those lines. I talk like a sailor. I've been trying to stop, but FFS, old habits die hard.

@meggie0421 & @JaxxM, my DH said it does come naturally to stop the swearing in front of your children. He has a 9 yo son from a previous relationship and in complete honesty, I'm shocked at how well he does not to swear in front of him. I suppose we can just hope!! Part of my thinks its hilarious hearing kids swear though. That should be another fffc I suppose. Lol. My friend was changing her two year old a couple of weeks back (he's being potty trained) and he said "smells like shit!". I though that was v funny!! )

We didn't swear a lot before DD but did to add emphasis or when we hurt ourselves. It wasn't hard to stop completely but you need to start cutting it out way before you think is necessary. We occasionally stub a toe and say something under our breath buts that's it.