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December 2013 Moms
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DH is NOT the father!

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Re: DH is NOT the father!

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  • peitripeitri member
    Mobile bumping so I didn't read all the responses, but I am so sorry for you and DH, but mostly his son! This lady seems evil to have lied about this for 12 years! What kind of mother would hurt her son like this? Just awful.
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  • 2010weddinggal2010weddinggal member
    @marchmello2 again how do you not know your husbands past realtionships? ESP since there are kids involved? How long have you two been together?
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  • 2010weddinggal2010weddinggal member
    None of the numbers add up, you have no clue how long he was married. Based on some of the numbers on here he either cheated or he got someone pregnant in the very first months of him leaving his wife... Either way this all sounds like a muddy train wreck.....

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  • 2010weddinggal2010weddinggal member
    Cashingn2 said:
    2010weddinggal said:
    None of the numbers add up, you have no clue how long he was married. Based on some of the numbers on here he either cheated or he got someone pregnant in the very first months of him leaving his wife... Either way this all sounds like a muddy train wreck.....

    I'm still having trouble with the math.  He married the wife at 16.  18 years means they split when he was 34.  March says they have been together 9 years and he is 43.  So that means they got together right when he split with his wife?  And the SS is 12.  None of this makes sense.
    Maybe it should have been 15 and he moves on really fast?
    Yea you can say moving on really fast, but then again she says she does not know how long they were together for... I'm sorry but if I'm going to get involved with a guy who has kids better be damn sure I will find out everything I need to know about the past relationship cause they are ex's for a reason.
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  • blainethetrainblainethetrain member
    Cashingn2 said:

    ClaireFraser said:


    2010weddinggal said:

    None of the numbers add up, you have no clue how long he was married. Based on some of the numbers on here he either cheated or he got someone pregnant in the very first months of him leaving his wife... Either way this all sounds like a muddy train wreck.....


    I'm still having trouble with the math.  He married the wife at 16.  18 years means they split when he was 34.  March says they have been together 9 years and he is 43.  So that means they got together right when he split with his wife?  And the SS is 12.  None of this makes sense.
    Maybe it should have been 15 and he moves on really fast?


    Maybe the Jehovah's Witness thing has something to do with it. Like the marriage was over but ex wife dragged her feet on an official divorce because isn't it really frowned upon to divorce in that church?
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  • 2010weddinggal2010weddinggal member
    edited October 2013
    My brain has gone on vacation, I totally forgot how to write, type and speak. How possibly can one expect me to be a great detective kid is stealing my brain cells lol.

    BTW that is one hell of a bad memory if you can not remember how long you spouse was with their ex's....
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  • lollipoppooplollipoppoop member
    My head hurts I can't read all this but I did read what you first posted and that is crazy.  My step dad isn't my biological father obviously but I love and respect him so much for what he did for my sister and I.  He was more of a dad to me than my real dad growing up so hopefully your H doesn't let it bother him too much.  He can still be a dad to this boy.
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  • 2010weddinggal2010weddinggal member
    @marchmellow2 how long have you been with your dh?
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  • cammyisagirlsnamecammyisagirlsname member
    edited October 2013
    Witnesses always cheat! And they don't divorce unless there's cheating. I know OP said he wasn't a witness but it's also odd that he wasn't cause they stick together.

    Eta: this whole post & story is whack
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  • Marchmellow2Marchmellow2 member
    edited October 2013
    Daycare? He's 12. H pays for all school, insurance, supplies, & clothes on top of the $800 a month.

    I called him the "kid" because it was easier than writing out stepson. I'm talking about this to you guys (on mobile) to explain things rather than putting myself in it. I actually love him very much, and I'm very sad about all of this. I got the results last night and it took me 10 minutes to tell DH cause I was so sad about it. Anyway I don't need to explain my love for my stepson.

    Again ladies, I DO know everything about MH's past relationships. I just don't remember how long he was married to her. I've been with him for 9 years. I met him when stepson was 3 yo. That's when I seen my stepson's mom and she was nasty at the time and is still nasty now. She wiped MH's whole bank acct out and took off to Montana without saying a word to him. She ripped my stepson away then and I hope she doesn't do it again :(

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  • Marchmellow2Marchmellow2 member
    Ashleynh5 said:


    SweetSouthernMomma08 said:


    hckygrl909 said:

    Cashingn2 said:

    ClaireFraser said:


    2010weddinggal said:

    None of the numbers add up, you have no clue how long he was married. Based on some of the numbers on here he either cheated or he got someone pregnant in the very first months of him leaving his wife... Either way this all sounds like a muddy train wreck.....


    I'm still having trouble with the math.  He married the wife at 16.  18 years means they split when he was 34.  March says they have been together 9 years and he is 43.  So that means they got together right when he split with his wife?  And the SS is 12.  None of this makes sense.
    Maybe it should have been 15 and he moves on really fast?
    Maybe the Jehovah's Witness thing has something to do with it. Like the marriage was over but ex wife dragged her feet on an official divorce because isn't it really frowned upon to divorce in that church?


    Or March was "the other woman"...so, they have been "together" longer than he has been divorced? 


    This is the only thing I can think of. Also to have a potential child who is 12 but not with the women whom he was married to for 18 years and he's only 43 means he had to have had an affair anyway. So....
    I guess it doesn't really matter. I'm hoping all this is just made up for some attention. At least for the child's sake. 





    Well I know for a fact he did not have an affair. Stepson's mom got pregnant when they first started dating 12 years ago. He was sepersred from his wife for like a year before he moved on to Stepson's mom.

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  • SigirSigir member
    Marchmellow2 said:

    Sigir said:


    KateMW said:


    Marchmellow2 said:

    mrsashleyk said:

    Marchmellow2 said:

    Soozerella said:

    Whoaly Maury. Why bother 12 years later? Like this is all this kid has ever known as a dad?

    Wait...so you think he should continue to pay the Mom for a child that isn't his??
    Only if he wants to be involved in the child's life as a father figure, like you said he did.
    He does. But $800?! It's too much! If we can go back to last year and all years prior when it was $400 a month then ok. But $800!

    I guess the reason I think he should continue to pay as much as he can of what he was paying is that he is his father to the boy. If you don't plan on coming clean to him, how do you explain that? When there are activities that can't be done, clothes and supplies not bought? Also, while he continues to pay his ex-wife for grown children that should be able to support himself. 

    I'm curious...did you do the at home test or did he? No judgement.

    Being in a blended family myself, I have a little experience.  When you go to court for child support change, there is a state-mandated calculator that takes into account each parties' salaries, other children, etc.  Then the amount that is to be paid is calculated.  You can't argue with it.  You can't change it.  It is what it is, and all in all, it's fair (although it's on the low side IMO).  So really, OP, you need to flip your thinking.... your dh has been UNDERPAYING for the past 12 years.  His son (in spirit if not by blood) has been not getting the support he deserves, per the state.  You should actually consider yourself lucky that your dh's bm did not take him to court earlier.  So, no, there is no way you should get back to $400.  It was UNDERPAYMENT.  it was not fair to the child.

    I love how so many people who are not raising a child get so up in arms about the expense of child support.  I would love to see these same people actually raise a child on child support.  I would love to see people who are getting rich off child support!  Because they don't exist (and if they do, they are very rare).  My child support is a drop in the bucket for what I pay for my dc.  No complaints, expenses are a part of having a child, but when I hear "I want to pay the child directly, I don't want the bm getting a dime she can spend on herself" I just laugh.  People who say that have no clue.

    Regarding the issue at hand, see a lawyer because after 12 years, I have a feeling there is no getting out of this for your dh.  He is the child's father, even if not by blood.  Is it worth destroying this boy's life, on the  edge of puberty, for $400 - $800 a month, especially if your dh wants to stay in his life?   I don't think it is.  You will destroy this child at a very vulnerable age.  It's not worth it, if you really care for this child.... especially because I don't think that it is going to be as easy as you think for your dh to just walk away from his obligations.  I think what is going to happen is that this is going to be a long and protracted legal battle to try to deny parentage, it is going to destroy the boy and put your relationship under


    stress, and you are going to have to pay 10s of thousands in legal fees to save $400  - $800 a month.  

    Please think think think this through before you act.  Think of the boy.  :(


    How do you know what he was making for 12 years? And the other kids don't count? Whatever.. You obviously don't know s the facts so don't assume it was underpayment. He's a great father and intends in staying that way.

    The court calculator does not lie... And it takes into consideration all the kids he supports, and how much he support them. So unless he has had a dramatic change of circumstances, yes he was underpaying.

    Listen, your true colors are showing. You don't care about your stepson, you care about the money. That's ok, but admit it and don't pretend you don't understand that he has been getting off easy the past 12 years.

    Or, if you really don't understand that, get a lawyer pronto bc you're ignorant on how this all works, and you don't stand a chance in court.
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  • Marchmellow2Marchmellow2 member
    edited October 2013
    ClaireFraser said:


    Marchmellow2 said:

    MEP923 said:

    I'm not saying he's a bad dad. He's seems like he will do a lot for his children and I do feel bad for him. I think he should financially cut off those older children outside of college and still support this young child. I don't see how it's fair to give the older ones everything and leave the younger one in the dust, even if he's not biologically his. Blood does not equal being daddy. My husband is my son's dad and he does everything for him. He's the one who works his ass off for my son. If your husband still plans to treat these child as his own then he needs to do that. It seems like he treats his daughters differently even though they are adults and this boy is a child. Also, I understand paying for things for the boy on the side like clothes, etc but child support isn't just made for that. It's also made so the child can have a roof over his head, food in the fridge and health insurance. If you only buy clothes, toys etc I'm not sure how you are going to help him have those essential things.


    I agree with most of what you said. The mom makes enough to take care of the child and housing and stuff. If she didn't then we would probably continue to give her money to pay for rent and bills. But she makes enough. So if we could just get an account to pay the kid with then that would be ideal. (See previous posts where I explained the bank acct). I agree that he needs to cut the girls off.

    How do you know she makes enough?  You may know how much she makes a month, but do you have details of all of her bills? And even if she does that's not how child support works.  Child support is there to put the child in the financial position as if the parents were together.  So if both parents are working then both incomes are going to the living expenses of the child.  It's what's called fair.

    I think you're a little too worked up about this right now.  I get that it's total crap she lied to your H, but you're starting to get really defensive about some good advice people are giving based on the information you've provided. 

    If you didn't want people's honest opinion, then don't put all this family drama on the bump and then say, oh but you don't know the whole story.  We're going off what you have told us.



    I'm not defensive at all lol. I'm defending DH is all. Cause two things he is not are a bad guy or bad father. I'm definitely listening to advice. The advice I've got that I'm listening to is get a lawyer and find out what we can do to stay in stepson's life. That's about all I can do for now. Opinions are fine but some of the ladies didn't read through the whole thread, if they had then I wouldn't be repeating answers. I think that might be why I'm getting frustrated. Is because he's getting judged by a couple of you even though he's a great father. At least we care about the child! This happens to people a lot and most the time the man just vacates the child's life. That isn't going to happen here. Again, the only thing to do right now is to hire a lawyer and a find a way to make keep their relationship in tact.

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  • Marchmellow2Marchmellow2 member
    SweetSouthernMomma08 said:


    hckygrl909 said:

    Cashingn2 said:

    ClaireFraser said:


    2010weddinggal said:

    None of the numbers add up, you have no clue how long he was married. Based on some of the numbers on here he either cheated or he got someone pregnant in the very first months of him leaving his wife... Either way this all sounds like a muddy train wreck.....


    I'm still having trouble with the math.  He married the wife at 16.  18 years means they split when he was 34.  March says they have been together 9 years and he is 43.  So that means they got together right when he split with his wife?  And the SS is 12.  None of this makes sense.
    Maybe it should have been 15 and he moves on really fast?
    Maybe the Jehovah's Witness thing has something to do with it. Like the marriage was over but ex wife dragged her feet on an official divorce because isn't it really frowned upon to divorce in that church?


    Or March was "the other woman"...so, they have been "together" longer than he has been divorced? 


    No stepson's mom was the other woman. And yes ex wife dragged her feet due to being JW.

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  • SigirSigir member
    dbucks said:

    Marchmellow2 said:

    EmmaBoBemma said:

    If my H had a child  from a previous relationship and found out after 12 years that the child was biologically his, we would be pissed! Not because we're paying CS, but because she lied for so long. That child deserves to know who his bio father is from the beginning. I can completely understand the anger. I think since you're so mad, you should wait before you do anything. Cool off, and then contact a lawyer and see what you can do. This is going to rock this child's world if he finds out(which I think he should know), and stripping the money away is going to make it worse. Realistically, giving a 12 year old the money you were giving his mom isn't going to work either. Remember being 12? I would only buy candy with that money. If she cuts off contact like you think she will, you won't know specific needs to put that money towards. If a relationship is important to you, going to a court and informing them that they're not biologically related is not going to do anything good for you. Either you have the relationship you want and pay the money, or possibly lose the relationship and quit paying. The priority should definitely be the relationship. 

    I don't know your H, BUT holy cow. Yeah, good luck.
    Yes I agree. That's why we aren't telling anyone yet. We are going to get a lawyer and take it slowly. We want to put money in an account for the kid and give him a card to use that only allows a certain amount to be dispersed monthly. I have a feeling it will all work out. As long as the mom allows us to do this.
    I really think you are undetestimating the complexity of the situation. It will not be this easy. It just won't. The son is going to interpret this as abandonment, regardless of your husband's actions, and it is going to get REALLY messy. It doesn't seem worth it to me.

    Agreed. The op is living on another planet if they think any of this will fly w a judge, or the bm will go along. There is no way to pay a child directly!!!! The thought of it is just insane!

    I feel bad for the child bc it seems like the op is a steam train determined to get that $800 / mo back, no matter what the cost to the child.

    Op I am totally not judging your dh. I am judging you. You don't care about this child, and what is best for him, because you are blinded by that $800/ mo.

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  • Marchmellow2Marchmellow2 member
    OnederfulMother said:

    If you pursue this, then I really hope your little "Home DNA" test that you're so fucking excited about is actually proven wrong in court.


    I puke in your general direction.

    You and your husband should be deeply ashamed of yourselves. 

    Lol. Really? What a peach you are.

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  • Marchmellow2Marchmellow2 member
    Sigir said:

    dbucks said:

    Marchmellow2 said:

    EmmaBoBemma said:

    If my H had a child  from a previous relationship and found out after 12 years that the child was biologically his, we would be pissed! Not because we're paying CS, but because she lied for so long. That child deserves to know who his bio father is from the beginning. I can completely understand the anger. I think since you're so mad, you should wait before you do anything. Cool off, and then contact a lawyer and see what you can do. This is going to rock this child's world if he finds out(which I think he should know), and stripping the money away is going to make it worse. Realistically, giving a 12 year old the money you were giving his mom isn't going to work either. Remember being 12? I would only buy candy with that money. If she cuts off contact like you think she will, you won't know specific needs to put that money towards. If a relationship is important to you, going to a court and informing them that they're not biologically related is not going to do anything good for you. Either you have the relationship you want and pay the money, or possibly lose the relationship and quit paying. The priority should definitely be the relationship. 

    I don't know your H, BUT holy cow. Yeah, good luck.
    Yes I agree. That's why we aren't telling anyone yet. We are going to get a lawyer and take it slowly. We want to put money in an account for the kid and give him a card to use that only allows a certain amount to be dispersed monthly. I have a feeling it will all work out. As long as the mom allows us to do this.
    I really think you are undetestimating the complexity of the situation. It will not be this easy. It just won't. The son is going to interpret this as abandonment, regardless of your husband's actions, and it is going to get REALLY messy. It doesn't seem worth it to me.

    Agreed. The op is living on another planet if they think any of this will fly w a judge, or the bm will go along. There is no way to pay a child directly!!!! The thought of it is just insane!

    I feel bad for the child bc it seems like the op is a steam train determined to get that $800 / mo back, no matter what the cost to the child.

    Op I am totally not judging your dh. I am judging you. You don't care about this child, and what is best for him, because you are blinded by that $800/ mo.


    Hmmm okay. You know it all right. I was answering questions about money but now "I don't care about my stepson". Please read through all my responses before assuming I'm the bad guy.

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  • Marchmellow2Marchmellow2 member
    OnederfulMother said:

    If you pursue this, then I really hope your little "Home DNA" test that you're so fucking excited about is actually proven wrong in court.


    I puke in your general direction.

    You and your husband should be deeply ashamed of yourselves. 
    Since this is so personal to you, you must relate??? I'm sure your child might find something oyt later??

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  • Marchmellow2Marchmellow2 member
    People if you're joining in. Please read through all questions and responses before thinking something that isn't true.

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  • cammyisagirlsnamecammyisagirlsname member
    It was probably uncalled for for me to say "Witnesses always cheat" but every single Witness I've ever met is a cheater. So that is what I meant.
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  • CinemaGoddessCinemaGoddess member
    Marchmellow2 said:
    People if you're joining in. Please read through all questions and responses before thinking something that isn't true.
    Fuck off. 

    No, really. 

    Just fuck off.  

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    Unable to even.  

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  • Marchmellow2Marchmellow2 member
    So you guys think he should pay for a child that isn't his?

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  • 2010weddinggal2010weddinggal member
    @marchmellow2 you KNOW all about his past relationships but can not recall how long he was married for? Well then that means you do not know all about his past relationships. Your getting defensive here, people are just trying to understand how nothing adds up right now, how you would even put this train wreck of a post up. Why you guys would even do a home DNA kit now 12 yrs later, I'm so thoroughly confused.
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  • Marchmellow2Marchmellow2 member
    CinemaGoddess said:


    Marchmellow2 said:

    So you guys think he should pay for a child that isn't his?

    You are talking about a child. 

    A.

    Child.

    Yes, let's punish a child for the sins of it's parents. 

    Seems legit.  


    The mom really should have thought about that before she took H to court for child support. She knew he'd find out he wasn't the father. She should have been content with the $400 a month of non court ordered money she was getting his entire life.

    It is VERY SAD yes. But if she's smart she will wait to tell the child.

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  • CinemaGoddessCinemaGoddess member
    Marchmellow2 said:
    Marchmellow2 said:
    So you guys think he should pay for a child that isn't his?
    You are talking about a child. 

    A.

    Child.

    Yes, let's punish a child for the sins of it's parents. 

    Seems legit.  
    The mom really should have thought about that before she took H to court for child support. She knew he'd find out he wasn't the father. She should have been content with the $400 a month of non court ordered money she was getting his entire life. It is VERY SAD yes. But if she's smart she will wait to tell the child.
    I was talking about you.  

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    Unable to even.  

    ********************

    You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK.  Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.



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