DH is NOT the father!

CinemaGoddess

jenniferbromley said:

It is my experience with anyone who is a Witness. Male and female. That's all. It's shitty and I hate putting people into a category like that. So yes, it sucks that I'm being all judgy. But I have worked with (and am friends with) a group of Witnesses. They all cheat on their spouses. It is a HUGE known issue amongst this group of people that I know.

Not all JWs, tho. 

+just+j+

So let me get this straight... Your husband questioned paternity some years ago and did nothing.. But when CS was raised he demanded a paternity test. Thats f' d up. I get that he is upset but he was the fool. Be furious that she lied but don't make the child pay for his parent's stupidity. Your husband accepted the role as dad. He needs to continue with his accepted responsibility.

snowclouds

I read 8 pages and then I couldn't do it anymore.

OP, you're punishing a CHILD for his mother's actions.  Shame on both of you.  SS should be protected by your DH since he's acted as his father for 12 YEARS!  If he "suspected", he should have done something before now.  DH needs to man up and drop the adult children and stop trying to destroy a poor little boy's life.  

A lot of what you're posting is now really defensive, but take a minute and think about it because you're ruining this kid's life if you go ahead with your plan.

Marchmellow2

JaxxM said:

Why are your dhs wages garnished over child support? In my state garnishment only happens if the father cant write out a damn check and send it to the mother.... 

ETA: i wonder if he just wanted to get a DNA test as a last resort so he didnt have to pay her anymore. 

Because he did not show up for court on the right day. Why would I lie about him paying non court ordered CS.

cammyisagirlsname

CinemaGoddess said:

jenniferbromley said:

It is my experience with anyone who is a Witness. Male and female. That's all. It's shitty and I hate putting people into a category like that. So yes, it sucks that I'm being all judgy. But I have worked with (and am friends with) a group of Witnesses. They all cheat on their spouses. It is a HUGE known issue amongst this group of people that I know.

Not all JWs, tho. 

You are right and I apologize for saying that.

Pamelacake

andrea99 said:

Pamelacake said:

I didn't read through all of this mess.. just your first post and effing really! You seem more excited about the money part. I have been through this and DH WAS NOT THE FATHER THROUGH A DNA TEST BUT..... HE STILL FOUGHT FOR HIS CHILDREN AND HAS CUSTODY OF ALL! If you cared at all, the money wouldn't be the big issue. If you and dh want the child in your lives, fight for it. DON'T THROW A PARTY!!!!

Watch out.  She'll bitch you about READ THE WHOLE THREAD BEFORE YOU COMMENT.  

::eyeroll::

lOL.. I think I can take it. I get flamed enough on here. I don't think I'm very good at giving it though.. LOL

Marchmellow2

snowclouds said:

I read 8 pages and then I couldn't do it anymore.

OP, you're punishing a CHILD for his mother's actions.  Shame on both of you.  SS should be protected by your DH since he's acted as his father for 12 YEARS!  If he "suspected", he should have done something before now.  DH needs to man up and drop the adult children and stop trying to destroy a poor little boy's life.  

A lot of what you're posting is now really defensive, but take a minute and think about it because you're ruining this kid's life if you go ahead with your plan.

For now the only plan I have is to consult a lawyer to see what our plan is. We know what we want but don't know what we can do.

bingbongsmama

I MUST know: what is your household income and what line of work are y'all in? Between the child support and supporting his adult children, that's $2,000 a month. I have to assume that with that much disposable income you are doing quite well.

2010weddinggal

Marchmellow2 said:

I read 8 pages and then I couldn't do it anymore.

OP, you're punishing a CHILD for his mother's actions.  Shame on both of you.  SS should be protected by your DH since he's acted as his father for 12 YEARS!  If he "suspected", he should have done something before now.  DH needs to man up and drop the adult children and stop trying to destroy a poor little boy's life.  

A lot of what you're posting is now really defensive, but take a minute and think about it because you're ruining this kid's life if you go ahead with your plan.

For now the only plan I have is to consult a lawyer to see what our plan is. We know what we want but don't know what we can do.

Your going to destroy this kids life cause you are irresponsible way to go!

Marchmellow2

2010weddinggal said:

Marchmellow2 said:

snowclouds said:

I read 8 pages and then I couldn't do it anymore.

OP, you're punishing a CHILD for his mother's actions.  Shame on both of you.  SS should be protected by your DH since he's acted as his father for 12 YEARS!  If he "suspected", he should have done something before now.  DH needs to man up and drop the adult children and stop trying to destroy a poor little boy's life.  

A lot of what you're posting is now really defensive, but take a minute and think about it because you're ruining this kid's life if you go ahead with your plan.

For now the only plan I have is to consult a lawyer to see what our plan is. We know what we want but don't know what we can do.

Your going to destroy this kids life cause you are irresponsible way to go!



What? Please explain how consulting a lawyer is irresponsible. I can't do this right now I've got to get to work.

PS. We don't want to destroy the child's life. That is what we want to avoid.

roxannebellistri

JaxxM said:

Why are your dhs wages garnished over child support? In my state garnishment only happens if the father cant write out a damn check and send it to the mother.... 

ETA: i wonder if he just wanted to get a DNA test as a last resort so he didnt have to pay her anymore. 

In my state you can request it to be garnished so you do not have to wait to get it from the father, say it's a strained relationship. It is honestly how you request to get it from the state in the court papers. 

Marchmellow2

HilarityEnsued said:

Marchmellow2 said:

We don't want to destroy the child's life. That is what we want to avoid.

So by "avoid" you mean take a paternity test after 12 years and then cut off child support?

Hold while I google the definition of "avoid".  I don't think we're on the same page.


Point is he knew his son wasn't really his and he is acting on it now that she dragged him to court to garnish his wages.

sleepy33

@MrsSkull1107

I am just a lurker from October, but as a Lawrence resident and lifelong Jayhawk fan, I have to say, love the avatar, love the sig gif, love it all! And I miss sweet, sweet Ben Mac already...

2010weddinggal

Marchmellow2 said:

Marchmellow2 said:

I read 8 pages and then I couldn't do it anymore.

OP, you're punishing a CHILD for his mother's actions.  Shame on both of you.  SS should be protected by your DH since he's acted as his father for 12 YEARS!  If he "suspected", he should have done something before now.  DH needs to man up and drop the adult children and stop trying to destroy a poor little boy's life.  

A lot of what you're posting is now really defensive, but take a minute and think about it because you're ruining this kid's life if you go ahead with your plan.

For now the only plan I have is to consult a lawyer to see what our plan is. We know what we want but don't know what we can do.

Your going to destroy this kids life cause you are irresponsible way to go!

What? Please explain how consulting a lawyer is irresponsible. I can't do this right now I've got to get to work. PS. We don't want to destroy the child's life. That is what we want to avoid.

You wait 12 yrs to do a DNA test when he felt this kid was not his from the start. You miss your court date, you obviously did not submit your finical documents or you did and you are well off the judge figured 800 was fair. You want to fight it so one the kid will realize your dh is not his father and two it will be a bitter battle. That is irresponsible dh needs to own up to it now, he choose to be in this kids life for 12 yrs and support him. I'm not believing this story anyways nothing adds up, it sounds really far fetched. But hey it has entertained me all morning and if it is not made up for the kids sake I hope you two just keep things the way they are.

lollipoppoop

Marchmellow2 said:

Marchmellow2 said:

We don't want to destroy the child's life. That is what we want to avoid.

So by "avoid" you mean take a paternity test after 12 years and then cut off child support?

Hold while I google the definition of "avoid".  I don't think we're on the same page.

Point is he knew his son wasn't really his and he is acting on it now that she dragged him to court to garnish his wages.

OH.EM.GEE how can you not read this back to yourself and see how incredibly selfish you guys are being??? He KNEW his son wasn't his but JUST because she asked for more money he decided to act on it? WTF!!!!!!!!!

CinemaGoddess

This cannot be real. 

I refuse to believe the problem/situation actually exists. 

OP is making all of this up for shits and giggles. 

notkateanymore

This is the best day ever.

CinemaGoddess

The BMBs have been knocking it out of the park for the last month or so.  

kittyh8r

@superspecialsnowflake This could be a report of it's own.

notkateanymore

ColeRose said:

HilarityEnsued said:

KateMW said:

This is the best day ever.

Unless you are the 12 year old step son of the OP (aka "the son").

Then... not so much... when Step Monster is on your case.

Or "the kid"

True, not a good day for the kid.

lollipoppoop

HilarityEnsued said:

KateMW said:

This is the best day ever.

Unless you are the 12 year old step son of the OP (aka "the son").

Then... not so much... when Step Monster is on your case.

and I thought mine was bad....

2010weddinggal

Cashingn2 said:

AshPal61 said:

I know this is pretty un-important in the scheme of things on this thread, but I thought JW's don't participate in celebrations?  So why would his older kids be hosting a party for 200+ people?

 

Your right, they do not host parties they do not have parties I know cause my apartment manager is one and I went to his hall once just to see what it was like. They do not celebrate ANYTHING!

Not true. They do baby showers, wedding showers, graduation parties, etc. They don't celebrate what they call "pagan" holidays. As I've mentioned before, my cousins are JW's and I've been to celebrations for each of these events.

Ok, my bad sorry

bumpuser1691848

I'm still laughing that OP thinks the mom can just say "Oh, he makes this much" and the courts base how much he pays off that. Sorry, sweetie. That's not how it works.

Also, they only "garnish" his wages if he's behind. If it's just the regular child support being held out, it's not called a "garnishment". It's just called child support.

I think you've proven that you care more about the money than "the kid".

One more thing (I'm full of questions), why the hell is he paying CS for a 25 yo? Is she still in college? You only pay til they're either 18 or out of school.

2010weddinggal

kimandhuck said:

I'm still laughing that OP thinks the mom can just say "Oh, he makes this much" and the courts base how much he pays off that. Sorry, sweetie. That's not how it works.

Also, they only "garnish" his wages if he's behind. If it's just the regular child support being held out, it's not called a "garnishment". It's just called child support.

I think you've proven that you care more about the money than "the kid".

One more thing (I'm full of questions), why the hell is he paying CS for a 25 yo? Is she still in college? You only pay til they're either 18 or out of school.

because he is father of the year material!

lollipoppoop

2010weddinggal said:

kimandhuck said:

I'm still laughing that OP thinks the mom can just say "Oh, he makes this much" and the courts base how much he pays off that. Sorry, sweetie. That's not how it works.

Also, they only "garnish" his wages if he's behind. If it's just the regular child support being held out, it's not called a "garnishment". It's just called child support.

I think you've proven that you care more about the money than "the kid".

One more thing (I'm full of questions), why the hell is he paying CS for a 25 yo? Is she still in college? You only pay til they're either 18 or out of school.

because he is father of the year material!

I would rather pay child support for a 12 year old boy than 3 grown ass adults.

sleepy33

Ashleynh5 said:

I would also like to point out that if you're planning on going through a lawyer and court, it probably wasn't the best idea to air this bull crap story all over the internet. Good luck in court...if you make it on the right day this time

Oh come one, no one will ever know it's him! I'm sure there are a ton of 43 year old African-American men from Texas with 3 older daughters and one 12 year old son whose ex-wife is a JW and who recently went to court to get child support ordered in the amount of $800 and...eh...

MarieC78

kittyh8r

superspecialsnowflake said:

EmmaBoBemma said:

@superspecialsnowflake This could be a report of it's own.

This could be a Lifetime miniseries of it's own...

word.

+just+j+

Marchmellow2 said:

Why are your dhs wages garnished over child support? In my state garnishment only happens if the father cant write out a damn check and send it to the mother.... 

ETA: i wonder if he just wanted to get a DNA test as a last resort so he didnt have to pay her anymore. 

Because he did not show up for court on the right day. Why would I lie about him paying non court ordered CS.

Then your husband apparently is an even bigger fool.  Seriously?  With technology today, you're going to use an old calendar on the wall as an excuse for not showing up?  That's screwed up.  He sounds like my EX husband.  

Courts take showing up and punctuality seriously.  And so should your husband. He accepted his role as dad years ago.    Raising CS is a part of life when you divorce and have kids.  He's 12 years too late on this one.   Seriously, this is like saying to his son,

"Sorry kid, you just got too expensive. You're only worth $400/month to me." 

My advice:  Hurry and get the f over this and continue to pay CS and raise his son as his own.  Paternity should have been requested as soon as he questioned it. You're all 12 years too late and to do it over money...that makes you just as wrong as BM.  In my opinion...you just trumped her.

CinemaGoddess

SweetSouthernMomma08 said:

  Cashingn2 said:

Also, did everyone miss the comment that the 12 year old's mother was the other woman? That means he cheated on his wife with her. I don't see why he'd be upset that the 12 yo's mother cheated on him with someone else and lied to him, at least she wasn't married to him. IJS.

I got confused with her response to that....Like, there is his exw...then SS mom...then exw...then march?  Like I'm confused. (not that it takes much.....)

I'm going to need a diagram. 

+just+j+

One more thing. He needs to quit having babies.

CinemaGoddess

And OP's husband really needs to learn how to wrap that shit up.  

MEP923

 

MrsJG3

How did you get "the kid's" DNA for the test? At 12 I would think it was weird if my dad or stepmom asked to swab my mouth or something. Did you wait until he visited from out of state?

margaerytyrell

Is this real life?

blainethetrain

This is the first advice I've posted in this thread. Honestly, March, I think you went off half cocked here. You just found out last night that your DH had suffered a pretty big betrayal by BM. I think that before you do anything, including telling BM about the test results you should think long and hard about the cost/benefits of this situation. I would have felt angry too, but I think if you impulsively make decisions right now it would be a big mistake. Chill out. I have to imagine the flaming you are getting right now isn't helping you to think rationally either. Just take a breather before you do anything rash.

CurlyQ284

@marchmellow2 I haven't read all the replies but don't assume anything will change. I've heard of several cases where it was found out years later that the child wasn't the fathers. The judges ruled that he has been established as the father for the lifetime of the child's life so he will continue as such, please make sure to pay your child support on the way out.

The court doesn't care what's fair to you or your husbands bank account, they care about the best interest of the child and secondary they care about keeping the kids off government assistance. I wouldn't make any plans for this extra money. I don't think you're going to get it.

Also I feel bad for this poor kid. What a mess he is in.

notkateanymore

ClaireFraser said:

Cashingn2 said:

Also, did everyone miss the comment that the 12 year old's mother was the other woman? That means he cheated on his wife with her. I don't see why he'd be upset that the 12 yo's mother cheated on him with someone else and lied to him, at least she wasn't married to him. IJS.

I read it.  With all the other crap thrown in here, I didn't feel like touching that mess.  But yeah, he sounds like a real winner.

But I thought she said there was no affair that she knew of. How did she know she was the other woman? I'm lost.

lollipoppoop

KateMW said:

ClaireFraser said:

Cashingn2 said:

Also, did everyone miss the comment that the 12 year old's mother was the other woman? That means he cheated on his wife with her. I don't see why he'd be upset that the 12 yo's mother cheated on him with someone else and lied to him, at least she wasn't married to him. IJS.

I read it.  With all the other crap thrown in here, I didn't feel like touching that mess.  But yeah, he sounds like a real winner.

But I thought she said there was no affair that she knew of. How did she know she was the other woman? I'm lost.

and if your husband will cheat WITH you he will cheat ON you

MelissaRae1525

I'm just gunna come out and say it. I think you're a liar and that's why your story makes zero sense.