DH is NOT the father!

Marchmellow2 · October 2013

Of his 12 year old son. I found out 15 minutes ago! The mother of his son lied to him all these years and DH has been paying $800 a month! So now we go back to court and show them our findings and get this child support order canceled! But the saddest part about all this is the poor little boy! My step son! This is crazy news and DH is very upset, as am I. We hope the mother doesn't pull us out of his life. We'd like to continue to support the kid. Just not through the courts where it all goes to her trifling ass!!! Wow! I'm still in shock and shaking! Anyone else here go through something like this?

chinablack55 · October 2013

He can also take her to court and get her to pay back all the money he has paid to her over the years

MissyC979 · October 2013

Wow, that's a really tough and sad situation.

grannyweatherwax · October 2013

I found out that my dad wasn't my bio dad about the age of 9. My mom told me just to hurt him since they had divorced. He legally adopted me at 8 months old, so he's the only dad I have ever known. I bet it's going to be pretty hard on the kid, you might want to consider therapy. And get a lawyer asap. I have no idea if your DH has any legal standing here. Ask for paternity test though.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

sportsmomma · October 2013

Glad you guys still want to be part of his life. What a tough situation!

Marchmellow2 · October 2013

chinablack55 said:
He can also take her to court and get her to pay back all the money he has paid to her over the years

Yea I was wondering about this! And I mentioned it to H and he said he's not interested in getting money back from her. At least for now. He's really more concerned about his relationship with his son. He's so sad!!! But he refuses to let that bitch touch another dime of his money at the same time!

Depending on how this all plays out.. If she pulls his son from his life..then we might go after her for pay back.

lorenzo302 · October 2013

Wow that's crazy! Poor boy

how come he is just finding out at the age 12?

KELLILOVESJOSH · October 2013

Oh my! That's crazy. I have not personally gone through this but I can imagine it is pretty stressful! I hope that you guys can continue to see your step son. My cousins husband found out he had a four year old. Apparently he had a "fling" with married woman (before he met my cousin) and she got pregnant and didn't do a paternity test, until she and her husband divorced. She won't allow him to see the little boy but he pays child support. I hope everything works out.

swirl25 · October 2013

Ugh, what a rough situation...poor kid. Good for you and your DH on planning to fight to stay in his life - best of luck.

AGriffin620 · October 2013

Holy drama case!! I feel really bad for the kid.

What a mess.

chinablack55 · October 2013

That's the sad part about it is the kids suffers but she probably knew all along and just took him for child support to get money not thinking how it will affect the child in the long run....but that is most definitely and option I would keep in mind and he can still do so and keep a relationship up with him but she sounds like a bitch....

cherylnicole · October 2013

That's so so sad. I'm sorry. Your poor DH...nobody wins in this situation. I hope you guys can continue to have a relationship with him. Does your stepson know all this yet? (that your DH isn't his bio father)...hopefully it gets broken easily to him.

Marchmellow2 · October 2013

Well DH has been paying $400 a month for most his life, not court ordered. She recently went to court for the first time to get more and she ended up getting double because we missed the court date by a day because of an old calander we had hanging in the house. Well so now they are garnishing his wages for $800. Mind you he has 3 other kids to support (not court ordered) . So we decided it was time to do an at home paternity test just to see because the kid is very white and DH is half black. He's always had a feeling he wasn't his but didn't want to stop supporting him but now that his wages are garnished for $800, we just decided to see if he was even his! And he's not. So sad!

Jenniferomeo · October 2013

That's crazy and so sad. How did you guys find out? And how is the boy reacting? I hope she doesn't pull him from your lives now because of this. Also, I know you didn't mean it, but all of the exclamations you used made it seem like you were excited about this. I had to re-read it a few times.

bty19 · October 2013

so sad. poor boy.

it shows what kind of man he is for not wanting the money back either.

yes she lied which is terrible - but he is his father, just not biologically. SInce he has been paying support, and she lied to him for 12 years, I am sure he will always have legal rights to be in his life.

Does the boy know?

Aycul18 · October 2013

Wow that's crazy! I feel sorry for the kid :-( good luck! I hope H can find some sort of legal standing in all of this so you guys can continue being part of his life!

amdftw · October 2013

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry. I have a 5 year old step son so I know exactly how hurt your husband must be (my DH would be torn apart). I hope you are able to work through everything as smoothly as possible with little effect on the child.

lilypienmessimy · October 2013

Oh my gosh. I feel bad for both your DH and your step son. Hope you guys can figure something out with his mom.

Marchmellow2 · October 2013

cherylnicole said:
That's so so sad. I'm sorry. Your poor DH...nobody wins in this situation. I hope you guys can continue to have a relationship with him. Does your stepson know all this yet? (that your DH isn't his bio father)...hopefully it gets broken easily to him.

No way! We hope he doesn't find out! That's highly unlikely. The mother will probably try to turn the kid on us once she finds out! She will make it like H is the bad guy I'm sure! And not let us talk to him, she'll make sure she's the one to tell him, you know? Cause she'll be worried we will tell the kid his mom is trifling probably, so she'll probably protect herself by stopping all communication and saying H doesn't want to be his father

cammyisagirlsname · October 2013

How awful. But poor kid! At 12 years old and having had this man in his life as his father for so long I'm sure nothing good can come of this.

Marchmellow2 · October 2013

Cashingn2 said:

Marchmellow2 said:
Well DH has been paying $400 a month for most his life, not court ordered. She recently went to court for the first time to get more and she ended up getting double because we missed the court date by a day because of an old calander we had hanging in the house. Well so now they are garnishing his wages for $800. Mind you he has 3 other kids to support (not court ordered) . So we decided it was time to do an at home paternity test just to see because the kid is very white and DH is half black. He's always had a feeling he wasn't his but didn't want to stop supporting him but now that his wages are garnished for $800, we just decided to see if he was even his! And he's not. So sad!
I have a friend who's mixed and her H is white, their two kids look really white. That's not unusual but at least he can take her to court and prove she's a liar.

The mother has no white in her though! And H is pretty dark. So yea it's always been something we've kinda known was a possibility but we love the kid so we were willing to pay $400 a month no problem. But $800 is a bit much. Considering he has 3 other kids and another on the way.

katmb2013 · October 2013

How sad for both your stepson and your DH. Hopefully you and DH can continue to be a part of his life.

Marchmellow2 · October 2013

pirategirlpink said:
I found out that my dad wasn't my bio dad about the age of 9. My mom told me just to hurt him since they had divorced. He legally adopted me at 8 months old, so he's the only dad I have ever known. I bet it's going to be pretty hard on the kid, you might want to consider therapy. And get a lawyer asap. I have no idea if your DH has any legal standing here. Ask for paternity test though.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

I'm sorry to hear that! Was it hard on you? Did your mom let you continue to be in his life? Did he ask for the paternity test or did your mom? Is it something your mom came clean with it did your Dad find out his own way? I'm trying to figure out how to do this as peaceful as possible for the sake of the kid.

grannyweatherwax · October 2013

I just can't believe she had the nerve to take him to court for more child support knowing he wasn't the boy's bio dad. Some people.

So does the mom know that you all know now? Was this a secret test you all did without her knowledge?

PinkinProvence · October 2013

In certain states, paying child support all those years or having his name on the birth certificate legally makes DH your stepson's legal father. This works both ways - he will legally have to pay child support until 18 despite your at home test and his ex will not be able to unilaterally cease visitation, etc.

I would hire a good lawyer as it is a legally complex situation.

Marchmellow2 · October 2013

@booty19. No he doesn't know yet. We really don't want him to know. I dunno. I feel so bad for him! He's such a good kid! He was just here for a couple weeks last month and we had so much fun. DH is very upset right now. This isn't gonna be easy!

cherylnicole · October 2013

Marchmellow2 said:

That's so so sad. I'm sorry. Your poor DH...nobody wins in this situation. I hope you guys can continue to have a relationship with him. Does your stepson know all this yet? (that your DH isn't his bio father)...hopefully it gets broken easily to him.
No way! We hope he doesn't find out! That's highly unlikely. The mother will probably try to turn the kid on us once she finds out! She will make it like H is the bad guy I'm sure! And not let us talk to him, she'll make sure she's the one to tell him, you know? Cause she'll be worried we will tell the kid his mom is trifling probably, so she'll probably protect herself by stopping all communication and saying H doesn't want to be his father

Wow. That's awful of her if she does try anything like that. I'm glad he hasn't found out yet then.

jokimoto · October 2013

Wow! I'm sorry for your DH and SS. I hope you guys are able to stay in the little guy's life.

Marchmellow2 · October 2013

Cashingn2 said:
I'm going to be nosy, how old are his other kids? Same mother? Do they at least look like him? I'd be questioning everyone.

Different mother. They are girls: 25, 23 and 21. He still pays them all! Which I don't agree with. But whatever. That's a whole nother situation lol.

notkateanymore · October 2013

He pays support for obviously adult children? That's crazy. Maybe if he didn't do that, he wouldn't have to be gone so much for work!

CandiP523 · October 2013

PinkinProvence said:
In certain states, paying child support all those years or having his name on the birth certificate legally makes DH your stepson's legal father. This works both ways - he will legally have to pay child support until 18 despite your at home test and his ex will not be able to unilaterally cease visitation, etc.

I would hire a good lawyer as it is a legally complex situation.

This is how it is Virginia. The only way to get out of paying the child support would be if DH requests to be disestablished as the father through a lab DNA paternity test. If it is granted, he would not have any further rights to the child. But yes, every state is different.

Marchmellow2 · October 2013

PinkinProvence said:
In certain states, paying child support all those years or having his name on the birth certificate legally makes DH your stepson's legal father. This works both ways - he will legally have to pay child support until 18 despite your at home test and his ex will not be able to unilaterally cease visitation, etc.

I would hire a good lawyer as it is a legally complex situation.

Yea I was wondering the same thing so I called the court a couple months ago and they said we just need to show the judge good cause to bring it back to court. The fact that this child support order is so new I'm sure it can still be overturned. But you're right they suggested if the at home DNA test shows he's not father we will need to get a lawyer just to get back to court. Then we will need an official DNA test done. So that's why we did the at home test before we brought it back to court. Now, we have good reason to bring it back to court. The lawyer is gonna be $3000-$5000 though, which we don't have saved up at the moment. I might try to see if he can give me "power of attorney". I'm pretty good at doing court paperwork. We'll see. I'll call the court tomorrow.

Marchmellow2 · October 2013

Cashingn2 said:

Marchmellow2 said:

Cashingn2 said:
I'm going to be nosy, how old are his other kids? Same mother? Do they at least look like him? I'd be questioning everyone.
Different mother. They are girls: 25, 23 and 21. He still pays them all! Which I don't agree with. But whatever. That's a whole nother situation lol.
Yeah, that's crazy. How old is your H? You don't look old enough to have step kids that age? sorry, I'm asking personal questions. Fascinated

Haha! Yea I get that a lot! He's 43 and I'm 34. He started young!

Marchmellow2 · October 2013

KateMW said:
He pays support for obviously adult children? That's crazy. Maybe if he didn't do that, he wouldn't have to be gone so much for work!

THANK YOU!! You are very correct! This is a big problem with us. His girls also decided to shun me when I got pregnant! I've done nothing to them and they hate me! They're Jahovas witnesses. They're awful little brats! And so spoiled. But they're becoming doctors so DH feels it's necessary. But I agree totally! He needs to cut the strings ASAP

Marchmellow2 · October 2013

Cashingn2 said:

Marchmellow2 said:

Cashingn2 said:

Marchmellow2 said:

Cashingn2 said:
I'm going to be nosy, how old are his other kids? Same mother? Do they at least look like him? I'd be questioning everyone.
Different mother. They are girls: 25, 23 and 21. He still pays them all! Which I don't agree with. But whatever. That's a whole nother situation lol.
Yeah, that's crazy. How old is your H? You don't look old enough to have step kids that age? sorry, I'm asking personal questions. Fascinated
Haha! Yea I get that a lot! He's 43 and I'm 34. He started young!
For sure lol. Was he married to the girls' mother young?

Yes. They were married for 18 years or something.

notkateanymore · October 2013

Really @hswan91011 I have never heard of that. I do think it's a parents responsibility to pay for college and I can see helping out during, but my parents weren't forced to support me at that age, why should it be any different for divorced couples. Weird.

cammyisagirlsname · October 2013

Is your husband still a Jehovah's Witness?

Eta: irrelevant question, just nosy

dbucks · October 2013

KateMW said:
He pays support for obviously adult children? That's crazy. Maybe if he didn't do that, he wouldn't have to be gone so much for work!

My bio dad didn't start paying until I was 16. The courts basically view it as him paying back his debt to my mom, so he'll be paying for quite some time.

notkateanymore · October 2013

dbucks said:

He pays support for obviously adult children? That's crazy. Maybe if he didn't do that, he wouldn't have to be gone so much for work!
My bio dad didn't start paying until I was 16. The courts basically view it as him paying back his debt to my mom, so he'll be paying for quite some time.

Well, I guess I can see that, but it sounds like he's been paying since birth. Oh well, my birth father never paid anything and was stripped of his rights when I was 4.

dbucks · October 2013

OP, I think your DH really opened up a can of worms with that paternity test, and it is going to be difficult to hide or explain to his (non) son. Good luck.

playball13 · October 2013

I am so sorry that you guys are having to go through this, it is a really crappy situation.

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