Is this super offensive??

Kendra Beam · October 2013

Okay so I'm a first time mom and I don't claim to know everything. But I know a girl who just lost her two month old to SIDS and I've been obsessively researching how to prevent it. Well one of the first things every website says is not to let your infant sleep on his/he stomach.

So my friend who has a six month old son posted a sweet picture of he son sleeping on his stomach this morning. I "liked" it but then sent her a text saying "does he always sleep on his stomach?" And told her about my research on the subject. She went on to reply that he won't sleep unless he's on his stomach, and that twenty years ago they said babies shouldn't sleep on their backs (which is true but they've since done more extensive research), and how it's in God's hands, etc, etc.

Well I just kind of let it go and tried to change the subject after that, but now she's not texting me back. My question is, did I speak out of turn or is that super offensive? She's one of my best friends and I just don't want to see anything happen to her son.

Ibliss · October 2013

I think you approached it in the correct way. You weren't accusing her of abusing her son. It sounds like you just mentioned something you thought would be helpful. I don't think she should be upset that you were concerned.

queeniecrayon · October 2013

At 6 months he probably rolls onto his belly. As soon as DD could roll she turned into a belly sleeper.

Soap1 · October 2013

Eh, no one REALLY knows what causes SIDS. The back to sleep research shows a correlation but not a causation.

Generally, if your baby is old enough to roll, they're old enough to sleep on their stomachs (they have enough neck and body control to move their heads if they need to). At 6 months old, I'd expect her baby is rolling onto his stomach alone.

I don't know if you were being super offensive per se, but I think you probably don't know as much about her situation as you thought you did.

Kendra Beam · October 2013

That's the thing I'm pretty sure she pits him to sleep like that. If he did it himself I wouldn't think it's an issue but it kind of bugs me because I know how she is and I think she just didn't want I deal with him not going to sleep so she put him on his stomach.

Baby2CUsoon · October 2013

He probably is rolling over himself by 6 mo.

Baby2CUsoon · October 2013

Also you just became "that lady"

Kendra Beam · October 2013

She knows me and she knows how I obsess on things lol. I wouldn't have said anything if she was a stranger.

Soap1 · October 2013

Kendra Beam said:

That's the thing I'm pretty sure she pits him to sleep like that. If he did it himself I wouldn't think it's an issue but it kind of bugs me because I know how she is and I think she just didn't want I deal with him not going to sleep so she put him on his stomach.

Some babies really won't sleep on their backs. DS2 wouldn't. As soon as he could pick his head up easily, I started letting him sleep on his belly (prob around 2-3 months old).

I think she's probably frustrated that someone who hasn't ever had a baby is coming at her with all this research saying what she's doing will cause SIDS when that's not even necessarily the case. Her baby is 6 months old, he can roll and has sufficient head control, and he won't sleep on his back. Since you haven't been in that situation, it's hard for her to take your advice seriously.

I would definitely eye roll you if you sent me something like that when I had a 6 month old.

And ETA: "dealing with him not going to sleep" - if you've ever had a baby who refuses to sleep and you're exhausted and so is he, you'd know that it's a lot easier said than done :P

queeniecrayon · October 2013

Sometimes you just gotta do what you've gotta do....like PP stated, no one KNOWS what causes SIDS, there are ideas from those ideas stem theories and practices. At 6 months old though I wouldn't judge her for letting him sleep on his belly...

jdubh · October 2013

I wouldn't give you the side eye for that! I think that it was a legitmate concern. I don't think you were being offensive.

RondackHiker · October 2013

Yes, the back to sleep campaign massively reduced the number of SIDS deaths.

But some babies just won't sleep and there is a crazy desperation when you do what works. That line? "she just didn't want to deal with him not going to sleep"? It kind of makes me want to smack you and I'm not the person you're judging.

DS slept on his back. I'm not sure I could've slept myself with him on his stomach (though at six months, kids roll usually). But you have no clue what sleep deprivation is like or what it's like to be holding a baby who is nearly sick because he's so tired and he just can't sleep.

It's not "not wanting to deal". It's that babies need their effing sleep and there comes a time when what works works and is acceptable and anyone who judges can suck it. Babies need sleep. They don't read books about what is okay or safe. Lack of sleep is horrible for mom and baby and they really don't just eventually give in and sleep how you want. Babies can be stubborn and have their own needs.

Props to that mom for not telling you to suck it if your judgment showed through in the texts.

Kendra Beam · October 2013

Soap1 said:

Kendra Beam said:

That's the thing I'm pretty sure she pits him to sleep like that. If he did it himself I wouldn't think it's an issue but it kind of bugs me because I know how she is and I think she just didn't want I deal with him not going to sleep so she put him on his stomach.

Some babies really won't sleep on their backs. DS2 wouldn't. As soon as he could pick his head up easily, I started letting him sleep on his belly (prob around 2-3 months old).

I think she's probably frustrated that someone who hasn't ever had a baby is coming at her with all this research saying what she's doing will cause SIDS when that's not even necessarily the case. Her baby is 6 months old, he can roll and has sufficient head control, and he won't sleep on his back. Since you haven't been in that situation, it's hard for her to take your advice seriously.

I would definitely eye roll you if you sent me something like that when I had a 6 month old.

And ETA: "dealing with him not going to sleep" - if you've ever had a baby who refuses to sleep and you're exhausted and so is he, you'd know that it's a lot easier said than done :P

I realize how it sounds, but being a mom is her full time job. She doesn't work outside the home, in fact she refuses to even though her family needs it financially. Also she is a first time mom herself so it's not like she has this vast ocean of experience that I don't have. I'm going to be a full time mom as well, and I'm telling you, my baby will sleep on her back whether she likes it or not. Neither of us will sleep until she does. She will just have to learn the hard way. I am terrified of SIDS after seeing this girl go through it. But I guess everyone has their own methods. And like I said before, I wouldn't have said anything if we weren't close.

1linedrawing · October 2013

Though I would have known where your concern came from (if you were my friend), that text may have bugged me enough to stew on it for a bit and not text you right away. That's just me, though.

Kendra Beam · October 2013

RondackHiker -
Calm down=P you don't know this girl. I get that sleep deprivation can make you desperate, but what I'm saying is I KNOW how she is, and I'm pretty sure she didn't try. She didn't want to have a baby when she did, her husband pressured her right after they got married, and I just feel like a lot of the decisions she's made have been made based on her convenience and not what's best for her baby. For instance, she drank (small amounts) while pregnant, which I personally feel is horrible but I didn't say anything. And as I've said many times before: we were best friends growing up. We are close. And no, no judgment on her came through my texts, I can promise you that. There was nothing but concern.

Soap1 · October 2013

Kendra Beam said:

Kendra Beam said:

That's the thing I'm pretty sure she pits him to sleep like that. If he did it himself I wouldn't think it's an issue but it kind of bugs me because I know how she is and I think she just didn't want I deal with him not going to sleep so she put him on his stomach.

Some babies really won't sleep on their backs. DS2 wouldn't. As soon as he could pick his head up easily, I started letting him sleep on his belly (prob around 2-3 months old).

I think she's probably frustrated that someone who hasn't ever had a baby is coming at her with all this research saying what she's doing will cause SIDS when that's not even necessarily the case. Her baby is 6 months old, he can roll and has sufficient head control, and he won't sleep on his back. Since you haven't been in that situation, it's hard for her to take your advice seriously.

I would definitely eye roll you if you sent me something like that when I had a 6 month old.

And ETA: "dealing with him not going to sleep" - if you've ever had a baby who refuses to sleep and you're exhausted and so is he, you'd know that it's a lot easier said than done :P
I realize how it sounds, but being a mom is her full time job. She doesn't work outside the home, in fact she refuses to even though her family needs it financially. Also she is a first time mom herself so it's not like she has this vast ocean of experience that I don't have. I'm going to be a full time mom as well, and I'm telling you, my baby will sleep on her back whether she likes it or not. Neither of us will sleep until she does. She will just have to learn the hard way. I am terrified of SIDS after seeing this girl go through it. But I guess everyone has their own methods. And like I said before, I wouldn't have said anything if we weren't close.

Being a mom is a full time job for working mothers too.

I normally try not to say, "You just wait" but...

You just wait.

HLB7 · October 2013

It sounds to me like you did what you needed to do by saying something. That's really the extent of what you can do about the situation. It doesn't sound like you approached it in a judgemental or offensive way. So that's good. But there's nothing else you really can do except give your friend the info, which you did. So now, you should probably just let it go.

RondackHiker · October 2013

No. I can't at all imagine why she might be upset and feel as if you're judging her. Not at all.

Why are you friends with someone who you clearly think is a shitty and lazy mom?

Kendra Beam · October 2013

Soap1 said:

Kendra Beam said:

Kendra Beam said:

That's the thing I'm pretty sure she pits him to sleep like that. If he did it himself I wouldn't think it's an issue but it kind of bugs me because I know how she is and I think she just didn't want I deal with him not going to sleep so she put him on his stomach.

Some babies really won't sleep on their backs. DS2 wouldn't. As soon as he could pick his head up easily, I started letting him sleep on his belly (prob around 2-3 months old).

I think she's probably frustrated that someone who hasn't ever had a baby is coming at her with all this research saying what she's doing will cause SIDS when that's not even necessarily the case. Her baby is 6 months old, he can roll and has sufficient head control, and he won't sleep on his back. Since you haven't been in that situation, it's hard for her to take your advice seriously.

I would definitely eye roll you if you sent me something like that when I had a 6 month old.

And ETA: "dealing with him not going to sleep" - if you've ever had a baby who refuses to sleep and you're exhausted and so is he, you'd know that it's a lot easier said than done :P

I realize how it sounds, but being a mom is her full time job. She doesn't work outside the home, in fact she refuses to even though her family needs it financially. Also she is a first time mom herself so it's not like she has this vast ocean of experience that I don't have. I'm going to be a full time mom as well, and I'm telling you, my baby will sleep on her back whether she likes it or not. Neither of us will sleep until she does. She will just have to learn the hard way. I am terrified of SIDS after seeing this girl go through it. But I guess everyone has their own methods. And like I said before, I wouldn't have said anything if we weren't close.

Being a mom is a full time job for working mothers too.

I normally try not to say, "You just wait" but...

You just wait.

That's what I said: "being a mom is her full time job." I didn't say she doesn't work at all. I said that IS her job, and therefore she should give it everything.

I guess I will "just wait."

Soap1 · October 2013

Kendra Beam said:

Kendra Beam said:

Kendra Beam said:

That's the thing I'm pretty sure she pits him to sleep like that. If he did it himself I wouldn't think it's an issue but it kind of bugs me because I know how she is and I think she just didn't want I deal with him not going to sleep so she put him on his stomach.

Some babies really won't sleep on their backs. DS2 wouldn't. As soon as he could pick his head up easily, I started letting him sleep on his belly (prob around 2-3 months old).

I think she's probably frustrated that someone who hasn't ever had a baby is coming at her with all this research saying what she's doing will cause SIDS when that's not even necessarily the case. Her baby is 6 months old, he can roll and has sufficient head control, and he won't sleep on his back. Since you haven't been in that situation, it's hard for her to take your advice seriously.

I would definitely eye roll you if you sent me something like that when I had a 6 month old.

And ETA: "dealing with him not going to sleep" - if you've ever had a baby who refuses to sleep and you're exhausted and so is he, you'd know that it's a lot easier said than done :P
I realize how it sounds, but being a mom is her full time job. She doesn't work outside the home, in fact she refuses to even though her family needs it financially. Also she is a first time mom herself so it's not like she has this vast ocean of experience that I don't have. I'm going to be a full time mom as well, and I'm telling you, my baby will sleep on her back whether she likes it or not. Neither of us will sleep until she does. She will just have to learn the hard way. I am terrified of SIDS after seeing this girl go through it. But I guess everyone has their own methods. And like I said before, I wouldn't have said anything if we weren't close.

Being a mom is a full time job for working mothers too.

I normally try not to say, "You just wait" but...

You just wait.
That's what I said: "being a mom is her full time job." I didn't say she doesn't work at all. I said that IS her job, and therefore she should give it everything. I guess I will "just wait."

I work outside the home. And I also give my everything to being a mother.

You sound really judgmental, and I'm sure that's what your friend picked up on.

Kendra Beam · October 2013

Oh just saw that you said "for working mothers." I fail to see what that has to do with anything?

I'm saying I can see how it would be especially frustrating for someone with a crying baby who won't go to sleep whenever thy ave to get up for work the next morning, but she doesn't.

Weber22 · October 2013

Once you become a mom you become very protective of your own . Like a tiger with her cubs . I think it's best not to say anything to someone about their child as most of the time it's taken the wrong way even if you don't mean it to . My DS would sleep any which way once he could roll . We have a sensor pad under the crib so if he stopped breathing it would go off . That was a huge relief for me and some much needed sleep for a very tired mommy !

Kedra231 · October 2013

Kendra Beam said:
I realize how it sounds, but being a mom is her full time job. She doesn't work outside the home, in fact she refuses to even though her family needs it financially. Also she is a first time mom herself so it's not like she has this vast ocean of experience that I don't have. I'm going to be a full time mom as well, and I'm telling you, my baby will sleep on her back whether she likes it or not. Neither of us will sleep until she does. She will just have to learn the hard way. I am terrified of SIDS after seeing this girl go through it. But I guess everyone has their own methods. And like I said before, I wouldn't have said anything if we weren't close.

I understood your concern, but then you lost me with this last part, b/c you totally turned judgmental about something you know NOTHING about.

DD was only sleeping 5-20 minutes at a time, max, if we were lucky. She got very, very sick. She was losing weight, dark circles under her eyes, becoming listless except for the constant crying. I'm not talking a day or two. I'm talking a full month & more. I finally went psycho on the phone nurse, & they got me in immediately b/c they'd kept dismissing me & putting me off b/c I was a "new mom." Well, I still knew there was a damn problem. The doctor looked at her & immediately could see her throat was beyond raw, she had severe acid reflux & colic, & was suffering MEDICALLY from lack of sleep.

She was put on THREE different medications, AND, they gave me a sling to put her on her STOMACH at an angle in every bed/pnp she used, etc.

She didn't start sleeping for more than minutes at a time until she was in her mid to late 2nd month.

Maybe you don't know, but lack of sleep can KILL, and it wasn't just stubbornness on her part, & until you know every detail, & have experienced it yourself, your judgment IS out of line in your last comment I quoted.

Not to mention, I became physically ill from lack of sleep...I was so exhausted, I was unable to keep down food or liquids, for days on end, from lack of sleep. Imagine what that did to my BM supply, let alone to MY health. At one point I went 4-5 days without sleep, at all, b/c of her, & trying to pump. Finally, I passed out cold. You tell me how that's safe for a baby, being so exhausted you can't safely care for baby, let alone yourself, but, you know, I guess I could have just forced her to do things my way & then ignored her screaming for another month or more & gone to bed.

You. Don't. Know. Do. Not. Judge.

You might find yourself to be Karma's bitch with your certain, done-deal statements, b/c in the end, you only have so much control or power. They're little individuals with their own needs, not a doll that pees, poops, & eats & does whatever you want them to.

Chereen · October 2013

My exs daughter passed away at 14 months of SIDS, and she was sleeping on her back. I'm a FTM too and yes I will put my child on her back, but truth is, no matter what number child your on they are all different. If the only way my child will sleep is on her tummy after trying her back, what am I supposed to do? And your friends child is able to roll over and control his head and neck, so what does it matter If she puts him to sleep on his tummy.

And for your " she refuses to work even tho her family needs the money " comment. Well she would then need to find a day care, and more times than not that second income would all be going to pay for daycare. So maybe it makes since for them.

RondackHiker · October 2013

Oh my fucking god.

Good to know stay at home moms don't need sleep and that it's not frustrating to have a crying baby who won't sleep when you don't need to get up for work the next day.

You have no clue what sleep deprivation is or what it can do to you.

Kendra Beam · October 2013

And for those of you who say I probably sounded judgmental, here is the text I sent her:

"That pic of Kenneth was precious but does he normally sleep on his stomach? Please don't get mad I'm only asking because I've been freaking out about SIDS and I've read a lot that says infants under a year old need to sleep on their backs. This girl I know just lost her two month old so I've been obsessing a little bit."

And rondackhiker - we've been friends since long before she was a mother. Regardless of how I feel about her methods, she is my friend. That's not for you to qualify.

MrsL32 · October 2013

I don't think what you said sounded terrible...but like others have said, once babies start to roll over, many will do it nightly, my DS included! And once that starts happening, I, for one, definitely wasn't about to start going in to his room every 5 minutes to roll him back over, and potentially wake him up!! Also, again, like others have said...once they can roll themselves over, and they have been developing head/neck strength, the risks of stomach sleeping lessen. It would bother me I someone who didn't yet have a baby questioned my judgement on that (or many other) parenting topics.

Soap1 · October 2013

Kendra Beam said:

Oh just saw that you said "for working mothers." I fail to see what that has to do with anything? I'm saying I can see how it would be especially frustrating for someone with a crying baby who won't go to sleep whenever thy ave to get up for work the next morning, but she doesn't.

Well, first, when you make comments about how SAHMs should "give their all" to being mothers, doesn't that sort of imply that working moms don't or don't have to? Both working moms and SAHMs give their all to motherhood and do everything they can to make good decisions about parenting.

Whether you work or SAH, you're still busting your ass every day, and if you and your baby are both exhausted, you do what you have to do. A 6 month old baby is perfectly fine sleeping on his stomach, whether you put him there or he rolled.

I get that you think you're right and you think she's wrong. But making sweeping judgments about how she should behave as a mother is just mean. You said she should give it all as a mother, as though she isn't already. You also said she should work because her family needs it financially. Those are both REALLY judgmental statements that you should avoid.We're all trying our best, including your friend - she has clearly made a thoughtful decision about this.

Kendra Beam · October 2013

Chereen said:
My exs daughter passed away at 14 months of SIDS, and she was sleeping on her back. I'm a FTM too and yes I will put my child on her back, but truth is, no matter what number child your on they are all different. If the only way my child will sleep is on her tummy after trying her back, what am I supposed to do? And your friends child is able to roll over and control his head and neck, so what does it matter If she puts him to sleep on his tummy.

And for your " she refuses to work even tho her family needs the money " comment. Well she would then need to find a day care, and more times than not that second income would all be going to pay for daycare. So maybe it makes since for them.

No she wouldn't. Many people have offered to care for him full time free f charge because they know her situation. She just doesn't want to work.

You guys need to stop acting like you know the full situation, because you don't.

Kendra Beam · October 2013

RondackHiker said:
Oh my fucking god.

Good to know stay at home moms don't need sleep and that it's not frustrating to have a crying baby who won't sleep when you don't need to get up for work the next day.

You have no clue what sleep deprivation is or what it can do to you.

Speaking of offensive, your language is extremely offensive to me, jsyk.

I imagine it will do horrible things to you emotionally, but I feel my child is worth it. And now that I've seen the effects of SIDS firsthand, I'm sticking to my guns.

RondackHiker · October 2013

All we know of the situation is what you say.

From what you've said, you sound super judgmental to her and to any mom who doesn't do things perfectly.

Kendra Beam · October 2013

RondackHiker said:
All we know of the situation is what you say.

From what you've said, you sound super judgmental to her and to any mom who doesn't do things perfectly.

Scroll up and read the text I sent her. I dare you to tell me it sounded judgmental.

Soap1 · October 2013

Kendra Beam said:

Oh my fucking god.

Good to know stay at home moms don't need sleep and that it's not frustrating to have a crying baby who won't sleep when you don't need to get up for work the next day.

You have no clue what sleep deprivation is or what it can do to you.
Speaking of offensive, your language is extremely offensive to me, jsyk. I imagine it will do horrible things to you emotionally, but I feel my child is worth it. And now that I've seen the effects of SIDS firsthand, I'm sticking to my guns.

The most important thing for your baby is to have a sane mother who can meet his/her needs. If you haven't slept for 5 days (as a PP mentioned, and that sounds awful and I can't even imagine), you are not physically or emotionally capable of caring for your child.

"I feel my child is worth it" - that's another judgmental statement, as though the rest of us don't value our children as much as you do. You should probably just STOP replying here and call it a day.

Baby2CUsoon · October 2013

So you're concerned about her baby passing of rolling over on his stomach?
CLEARLY you should be more concerned about what a pos she is at life huh!? but hey you are her "good friend" right???

Kendra Beam · October 2013

I'm not going to stop replying just because everyone on here likes taking things out of context. All I can say is read the actual text I sent. I commented it a few comments back. Maybe you guys are completely justified in how you handle your children and their sleep. But you don't know this girl and I just don't feel that she is. Those are my personal opinions. I'm not saying anyone doesn't value their children, but I will tell you in the text she sent me back she said "if I'm not meant to have my son, so be it." I'm sorry but I just don't feel that a mother should leave it up to chance like that. Everything you can do, you should do.

RondackHiker · October 2013

Kendra Beam said:

All we know of the situation is what you say.

From what you've said, you sound super judgmental to her and to any mom who doesn't do things perfectly.
Scroll up and read the text I sent her. I dare you to tell me it sounded judgmental.

I did.

If I was a mom who struggled with a baby who hadn't slept, and who was exhausted... if I got that message I'd be pissed and feel judged. You implied that she did not do any research and that she was clearly not knowledgeable about back sleeping. You said you were worried about her baby, which to a tired mom sounds a heck of a lot like she's putting the baby at risk. I would feel judged and would ignore you.

But hey, her child clearly isn't worth it to her.

Again, you have no idea what sleep deprivation can do. I've had friends sobbing hysterically, constantly, because they were so damn tired. One had a baby girl who was literally GETTING SICK from lack of sleep. Clearly it's better to reach that stage than to ensure you both have a good night's sleep.

Chereen · October 2013

Kendra Beam said:

Chereen said:
My exs daughter passed away at 14 months of SIDS, and she was sleeping on her back. I'm a FTM too and yes I will put my child on her back, but truth is, no matter what number child your on they are all different. If the only way my child will sleep is on her tummy after trying her back, what am I supposed to do? And your friends child is able to roll over and control his head and neck, so what does it matter If she puts him to sleep on his tummy.

And for your " she refuses to work even tho her family needs the money " comment. Well she would then need to find a day care, and more times than not that second income would all be going to pay for daycare. So maybe it makes since for them.
No she wouldn't. Many people have offered to care for him full time free f charge because they know her situation. She just doesn't want to work.

You guys need to stop acting like you know the full situation, because you don't.

Well we know what you are telling us. And you are coming off very judgemental. Basically you are saying she isn't giving it her all as a mom and she's lazy and selfish because she doesn't want to work. This girl is one of your best friends??? I'd be pissed if you were my "bff" and you were talking all this crap about me to a group On strangers on line.

Is her son fed? Does he have clean diapers and clothes? A roof over his head? Is he loved? She may not do things your way or my way but as long as her son isn't living in filth and he's a happy healthy baby he's perfectly fine.

RondackHiker · October 2013

Between judging a mom in labor for her clothes and for screaming and judging a new mom with a baby that won't sleep a lot of people have made my post-it this week.

Codypup · October 2013

Kendra Beam said:

My exs daughter passed away at 14 months of SIDS, and she was sleeping on her back. I'm a FTM too and yes I will put my child on her back, but truth is, no matter what number child your on they are all different. If the only way my child will sleep is on her tummy after trying her back, what am I supposed to do? And your friends child is able to roll over and control his head and neck, so what does it matter If she puts him to sleep on his tummy. And for your " she refuses to work even tho her family needs the money " comment. Well she would then need to find a day care, and more times than not that second income would all be going to pay for daycare. So maybe it makes since for them.
No she wouldn't. Many people have offered to care for him full time free f charge because they know her situation. She just doesn't want to work. You guys need to stop acting like you know the full situation, because you don't.

I'm not sure what more of the situation there is to explain, that would make your comment sound less judgmental.

I do believe that you spoke up because you care about her, and not because you think you're an expert - so kudos to you for trying to be a friend.

FWIW, I made a similar blunder not too long ago. I had just finished reading up on the dangers of crib bumpers when I visited my friend's new baby. She showed me her nursery, which included a crib with bumpers. I blurted out "omg, isn't that not allowed?!"

She kind of smiled and nodded and changed the subject quickly. I later found out that her baby co-sleeps, and will until the kiddo is old enough to be in a crib with bumpers.

It was an honest mistake on my part, but wrong of me to assume that "my" way was the right way. Hell, I've never done this before, what the hell do I know?

Bottom line: when it comes to how other people raise their children, it really is none of your business. Or mine.

Kendra Beam · October 2013

RondackHiker said:

Kendra Beam said:

RondackHiker said:
All we know of the situation is what you say.

From what you've said, you sound super judgmental to her and to any mom who doesn't do things perfectly.
Scroll up and read the text I sent her. I dare you to tell me it sounded judgmental.

I did.

If I was a mom who struggled with a baby who hadn't slept, and who was exhausted... if I got that message I'd be pissed and feel judged. You implied that she did not do any research and that she was clearly not knowledgeable about back sleeping. You said you were worried about her baby, which to a tired mom sounds a heck of a lot like she's putting the baby at risk. I would feel judged and would ignore you.

But hey, her child clearly isn't worth it to her.

Again, you have no idea what sleep deprivation can do. I've had friends sobbing hysterically, constantly, because they were so damn tired. One had a baby girl who was literally GETTING SICK from lack of sleep. Clearly it's better to reach that stage than to ensure you both have a good night's sleep.

Well considering this is coming from a stranger who just said they wanted to slap me, I'm going to just assume you're a pissy person=)

Soap1 · October 2013

Kendra Beam said:

I'm not going to stop replying just because everyone on here likes taking things out of context. All I can say is read the actual text I sent. I commented it a few comments back. Maybe you guys are completely justified in how you handle your children and their sleep. But you don't know this girl and I just don't feel that she is. Those are my personal opinions. I'm not saying anyone doesn't value their children, but I will tell you in the text she sent me back she said "if I'm not meant to have my son, so be it." I'm sorry but I just don't feel that a mother should leave it up to chance like that. Everything you can do, you should do.

Good plan! Because you just keep saying rude things that make those of us who are mothers (of outside babies) feel we have the circle the wagons to protect one of our own.

Maybe your friend is suffering from postpartum depression and can't handle her feelings (PPD is real and devastating. I suffered from it after DS1). Maybe your friend has tried everything and is giving it her all despite your perceptions. Maybe she really doesn't care much about the SIDS/back to sleep connection. Regardless, you sent her one text, it sounds like it didn't go over with her very well, and now you're judging her and other moms. Kind of a bad day, so best to scratch it and start over again tomorrow, hopefully with less judging.

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Is this super offensive??

Re: Is this super offensive??

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