FFFC

DMBfan41 · March 2011

MFAinNYC:
I had oatmeal cookies for breakfast and I feel my reasoning is pretty sound. Oatmeal = breakfast food. Therefore, oatmeal cookies = breakfast cookies.

Makes perfect sense to me!

aesf · March 2011

MFAinNYC:
I had oatmeal cookies for breakfast and I feel my reasoning is pretty sound. Oatmeal = breakfast food. Therefore, oatmeal cookies = breakfast cookies.

I say this all the time and oatmeal raisin? Thats just oatmeal and fruit.

kgunz11 · March 2011

ohashlet:
lrachelle80:

This really bothered me.

I used a midwife for my first pregnancy that ended in a loss. She worked out of a hospital, along with several other MWs, and a group of regular OBs and MFMs. I'm still furious that after multiple heavy bleeding episodes she did nothing other than check the heartbeat with the doppler. Any other doctor would have ordered an ultrasound to check on everything, and at that point would have very likely seen that I was dilating and I would have been able to get an emergency cerclage and at least had a chance of carrying to term. I didn't know any better. I thought that everything was okay (like she kept telling me, though how could she have known?? Things can go wrong with a living baby) and trusted her to be making the best decision for me and my baby. She didn't. He died. She should have, at the point when I started bleeding, told me I was no longer a low-risk patient and transferred me to a regular OB or MFM. I didn't see one until my water had already broken. I am still furious and bitter that I didn't know any better to insist on better, more proactive care.

Do I believe in midwives? Sure, for low risk women. I thought I was one. I was told I was one, even as I called for the fifth time with bleeding.

So are you blaming me for losing my child?

Yes, the source is biased. But that doesn't make the story less true. The MW in the story is the MW the OP of that post was considering using. Should she ignore that story and the multiple things the MW did wrong just because it's a biased source?

No, no lrachelle, I'm sorry if you got that from my post. I absolutely do not blame your loss on you. I'm not sure how that point could have come across.

I too, under the care of a midwife lost my first pregnancy at a pretty late stage (though under different circumstances).

What angers me terribly about this whole debate, firstoff is the insane x-posting of this story. It was done so on my home board (that has suffered MANY still births and PTL&D due to IC etc) in a way that I found incredibly insensitive. The second thing is the fact that people take this story as complete and utter fact despite it being from a blog that posts nothing but terrible home birth stories that end with children being permanently hurt or killed.

I just hate when people don't consider their sources.

I can see how my last few statements might be taken the wrong way, and I'm so sorry that I upset you. I've followed your story since losing Caleb and cheered when you got your BFP.

I'm very sorry for both of your losses. One other thing I would like to add is the fact that I hate how an article like this, from an obviously biased source, makes so many people jump on the "homebirth is terrible and dangerous!" bandwagon. I think all of us owe it to ourselves and our children to be educated on ALL of our options.

noodles922 · March 2011

FI's mom wants to pick up a crib for us if she sees one at a garage sale. That is all well and good, but she lives far away from us, which means we have no input in the crib she gets. I am VERY short, therefore, I have been specifically looking for cribs that I can actually reach in. The average crib height meets almost at my shoulders.

I know I should be grateful but it bothers me.

MFAinNYC · March 2011

aesf:
MFAinNYC:
I had oatmeal cookies for breakfast and I feel my reasoning is pretty sound. Oatmeal = breakfast food. Therefore, oatmeal cookies = breakfast cookies.

I say this all the time and oatmeal raisin? Thats just oatmeal and fruit.

Exactly. It's just in a more portable form.

Sparla1027 · March 2011

lrachelle80:
DMBfan41:
I plan on CD but haven't told MH yet.
Ha! I just brought one home (an all in one with aplix) and was like, "Look how cute this is! It's so easy, just like a disposable! We're going to use these!" I figure I'll introduce him to fitteds and prefolds later...at first the AIOs with velcro will be "his" diapers.

LOL! I have told H but he has never even changed a diaper so I figure it's all new for him. I bought him simple AIOs too!

mrsbaker1128 · March 2011

It really bothers me when the wife doesn't consult her husband about things with the baby, both during pregnancy and after. I know you're the one carrying the baby, but it's also his child. If you don't trust him or respect him enough to talk to him about stuff like this, then you shouldn't have had a child with him in the first place.

caraleeb · March 2011

HelloAnnie!:
I feel totally overwhelmed with my life and instead of doing something about it, I cry a lot. I'm normally a very "together" person but honestly DH has been carrying me for a few months now.

I'm terrified that I am going to be prone to PPD.

your not alone in those thoughts, i already told my husband to look out for signs as well as my doctor.

jillybean222 · March 2011

MuseumMaven:
L&R70707:
Ok...I've got a big one.

I think home births are risky choices and injuries/deaths arising from them are just as much the parents fault as the MW. This post has the the link to the extremely sad and upsetting story that has me so fired up at the moment, obviously a slanted blog, but the OP is just as dumb IMO for considering the same practice/MW. To me, most of the home birth reasoning seems like a walking contradiction....hospitals are full of "super-bugs", germs and doctors that will force you to take meds, but its totally cool to turn a blind eye on all the things that could go wrong at home. I realize it is a personal choice, but at the end of the day, if something goes wrong, you've chosen to forego minutes of precious life saving medical care for you and your baby.

I think birth in general is a pretty risky event. THere are so many things that can go wrong. I will never understand why people attempt it for a first child, but I can understand why people pick it for 2nd, 3rd, etc. deliveries. A friend of mine had an amazing and wonderful homebirth experience while her two older children watched.

That said, it is not for me. I chose an OB with a LONG history of delivering babies and a hospital that is 45 minutes away b/c it has the best NICU, even though there are 2 very nice hospitals close by. Obviously, my position is that I want to be in the best place possible, in the event something goes wrong. I am a huge advocate of healthy mama, healthy baby, no matter how it all goes down, I want instant access to whatever needs to be done (c/s, NICU, whatever) get my baby here safely

That was a very sad story in the link, but it is a shame that the MW was so arrogant, but the mother probably should have been more proactive regarding her care. I have learned, in my 4 short years as a parent, if you have a gut feeling, you go with it...no second guessing or fearing that you will be perceived as difficult or whatever.

Mrs.Leah.Maria · March 2011

mrsbaker1128:
It really bothers me when the wife doesn't consult her husband about things with the baby, both during pregnancy and after. I know you're the one carrying the baby, but it's also his child. If you don't trust him or respect him enough to talk to him about stuff like this, then you shouldn't have had a child with him in the first place.

ITA. DH may not want all of the details I give him, but he does want to be involved. Even if at the end of the conversation all that is resolved is that he trusts my opinion.

Mrs.Leah.Maria · March 2011

jillybean222:
I have learned, in my 4 short years as a parent, if you have a gut feeling, you go with it...no second guessing or fearing that you will be perceived as difficult or whatever.

Amen. I used to be so embarrassed by how proactive my Mom was in our care, but I finally understand why.

aesf · March 2011

Mrs.Leah.Maria:

mrsbaker1128:
It really bothers me when the wife doesn't consult her husband about things with the baby, both during pregnancy and after. I know you're the one carrying the baby, but it's also his child. If you don't trust him or respect him enough to talk to him about stuff like this, then you shouldn't have had a child with him in the first place.

ITA. DH may not want all of the details I give him, but he does want to be involved. Even if at the end of the conversation all that is resolved is that he trusts my opinion.

I don't consult with DH about everything baby or otherwise and he doesn't consult with me. We make major decisions together but minor ones? Not always. We decided to use gdiapers. He doesnt want cloth because he doesn't want to deal with it. so we are getting hybrids, but im getting cloth inserts for when im caring for our kid at home during the day. He doesnt have to wash them, he doestn have to change them. And once he get home or on weekends well use disposable inserts.

I trust him completely but i think its absolutely unnecessary to consult him on every little thing.

ShannonMacHappy · March 2011

Mrs.Leah.Maria:
I am scared to have another boy due to the autism numbers, since boys are 4 times more likely to be affected than girls.

Me too!

ShannonMacHappy · March 2011

A guy I work with stopped by my office to ask me about my pregnancy. He mentioned he has a two-year-old little boy. Then he said, "We're just getting to know each other. I mean, there wasn't much I could do with him the first few years. He didn't want me. Ya know?"

No man, I don't know. That's weird. Raising babies is not a woman's job -- it's a parent's job. If you are lucky enough to have two parents, they should both be involved in raising you.

ohashlet · March 2011

lrachelle80:
Ok, PHEW. I don't have your original post up but it was something like "the mother chose wrong" and that gave me pause, but truly it's probably guilt that I did choose wrong the first time. I do totally agree, though, that a person with her history should never have pursued a midwife or homebirth care.
XOXO and so sorry for your loss as well. You understand how touchy it can be, then, and how otherwise unmeaningful things can jump out at you and make you do a double take.

Absolutely. I lost my daughter due to a neural tube defect and have jumped down many unknowing people's throats when I hear them chirp something about Folic Acid and "take your vitamins!" because DAMMIT I did and my kid still died.

That guilt sits and stews and it always always will especially when we're trained to trust our caretaker and saying differently and being difficult is so frowned upon.

WorkingMomofTwo · March 2011

Mrs.Leah.Maria:
I forgot to put deodorant on today.

I used to do this until I started carrying a travel sized deodorant stick with me! It happens!

kgunz11 · March 2011

Mrs.Leah.Maria:

jillybean222:
I have learned, in my 4 short years as a parent, if you have a gut feeling, you go with it...no second guessing or fearing that you will be perceived as difficult or whatever.

Amen. I used to be so embarrassed by how proactive my Mom was in our care, but I finally understand why.

A very good friend of mine gave me what I think is THE BEST piece of advice when I first found out I was pg: "Never let anyone else tell you what is best for your baby. Listen to their suggestions, take them into account, but in the end, trust your instincts."

Abbney · March 2011

And better for the environment since there are no dishes involved to wash, or containers to throw out...you're going green with this process

FordFalcor · March 2011

caraleeb:
HelloAnnie!:

I feel totally overwhelmed with my life and instead of doing something about it, I cry a lot. I'm normally a very "together" person but honestly DH has been carrying me for a few months now.

I'm terrified that I am going to be prone to PPD.

your not alone in those thoughts, i already told my husband to look out for signs as well as my doctor.

I've had several difficult bouts with depression this pregnancy. They come completely out of the blue (like true depression) and they have me worried about the possibility of PPD as well.

I'm sorry you ladies are experiencing this too. {hugs}

jheideman · March 2011

ShannonMacHappy:
Mrs.Leah.Maria:
L&R70707:
Ok...I've got a big one.
I think home births are risky choices and injuries/deaths arising from them are just as much the parents fault as the MW. This post has the the link to the extremely sad and upsetting story that has me so fired up at the moment, obviously a slanted blog, but the OP is just as dumb IMO for considering the same practice/MW. To me, most of the home birth reasoning seems like a walking contradiction....hospitals are full of "super-bugs", germs and doctors that will force you to take meds, but its totally cool to turn a blind eye on all the things that could go wrong at home. I realize it is a personal choice, but at the end of the day, if something goes wrong, you've chosen to forego minutes of precious life saving medical care for you and your baby.
I do believe in home-births being a safe option, when the mother is low-risk.
I do not understand how that woman stayed under a MW's care. She does not sound like the typical low-risk candidate.
You are right. She should not have been a home birth candidate. IMO, home births are safe.

ITA. I used to have the opposite opinion, but after I actually began doing some research, I found that I was grossly mistaken. Personally, a lot of my beliefs about home births (and water births) were based on pre-conceived ideas that were very inaccurate. I will be having a hospital birth, but I no longer roll my eyes when someone mentions a home birth.

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