I think my H is cheating on me.

hoping4sticky

Oh hunny I am so sorry for you. I think you clearly have enough evidence right now to know what is going on, so now you need to decide what you want to do about it.

Some women will possibly forgive if they do counseling etc.

Some women never will forgive and if that is the case you need to protect yourself and you baby. 

Oh and don't sleep with the dirt bag anymore. Yay great he is using condoms, but heaven forbid you catch something because of him.

LCB34

MrsG NC:

LCB34:

MrsG NC:

Maybe my dad was just an idiot though and most men are better at hiding those things. Either way, another place to do a little checking up. 

I think men who cheat feel like they will never get caught.  Once we knew my dad was having an affair, the evidence against him was insane - almost as if he wanted to be caught.  Toll tag records, phone records, hell he had phone conversations with the woman in front of my mom acting as if it was a coworker.

It is disgusting what cheating men will do.

Sounds like my dad. He STILL denies certain things that we have undeniable evidence to though. He was very careless in covering tracks.

I remember one time he asked me how to spell a certain girls name. It turns out he was sending flowers to his mistress who was staying with a friend and he didn't know how to spell her name. I was 10 and had no clue what was going on, until later on when everything came out.

It is absolutely disgusting and something that really tugs at my heart. I HATE cheating.  

Same here.  He still denies visiting this woman weekly.  Um, so someone stole your car, drove it through every toll tag thing you would pass on the way to S. Florida, and got off at the exit your mistress lives at.  Oh ok, got it!

It makes me sick to my stomach when I think about it too much.

 

neferhathor

Does he have a GPS in his car and is there any way to check driving history by contacting the company? just a thought. 

mamabear2010

On the phone records thing, AT&T let's you see all the calls and texts with the numbers, times, etc using their online system. And when I used to get paper bills, they had all the text messages with the numbers and times. I'm not sure if you all were referring to the actual "text" in the message though...

monkiem

Paisley4140:

He's not saying he uses a condom to masturbate.  That's why it's so, so stupid.

There have been other signs.  The big one was last weekend.  He went to CVS to buy me some Tylenol.  When he came home, I saw a box of condoms in the CVS bag.  I didn't say anything about it and left the room to get a glass of water.  When I came back, the condoms were gone. 

Bear in mind here that I am on the pill and that the only time we've used condoms is when I've missed one or been on antibiotics or something like that.

I asked him about the condoms several days later.  He said he had been hoping to get lucky on Mother's Day and was paranoid about conceiving another baby.  I gave him the benefit of the doubt. 

Oh, honey.  I am so sorry.  But as others have said, there are a lot of big red flags.  Especially since you didn't see the condoms again after that.

Is there any way for you to put a tail on him?  Maybe someone he works with or something like that?  

:::hugs:::

LittleGus

HappyDaze12:

Paisley4140:

The ring thing is partially explainable.  He works with machinery, and electricity, and there are times when it's dangerous for him to wear any type of jewelry.  So he does sometimes have to take his ring off at work. 

He said he was at a bar, and then at his brother's house.

 

Can you confirm the bar part via cc records. Will his brother tell you the truth about if he was there. You can mention it in passing and see if he tells you differently?

 

I personally wouldn't say ONE WORD to the brother or anyone else in his family.  If he said he was with his brother, then his brother is being skeevy and willing to cover for him.   He will tell your H that you're on to him and your case will weaken.

crollin

Paisley4140:

He's not saying he uses a condom to masturbate.  That's why it's so, so stupid.

There have been other signs.  The big one was last weekend.  He went to CVS to buy me some Tylenol.  When he came home, I saw a box of condoms in the CVS bag.  I didn't say anything about it and left the room to get a glass of water.  When I came back, the condoms were gone. 

Bear in mind here that I am on the pill and that the only time we've used condoms is when I've missed one or been on antibiotics or something like that.

I asked him about the condoms several days later.  He said he had been hoping to get lucky on Mother's Day and was paranoid about conceiving another baby.  I gave him the benefit of the doubt. 

I am so sorry you are going through this.  Do you know where he keeps the condoms?  If so, you could check to see if there are any missing out of the pack.   (((HUGS)))

HappyDaze12

SookieFrackhouse68:

HappyDaze12:

Paisley4140:

The ring thing is partially explainable.  He works with machinery, and electricity, and there are times when it's dangerous for him to wear any type of jewelry.  So he does sometimes have to take his ring off at work. 

He said he was at a bar, and then at his brother's house.

 

Can you confirm the bar part via cc records. Will his brother tell you the truth about if he was there. You can mention it in passing and see if he tells you differently?

Do NOT involve the brother. He will tip her H off and evidence will start to disappear.

Sookie's right. Sorry for the bad advice.

Nhev

sodelish:

I'm late to this but I just wanted to say, I'm so,so sorry Paisley. I hope he's not having an affair but agree with everyone that you should follow your gut instinct and look further into it.

 

I agree. I'm so sorry that you even have to think about this. A PP mentioned not talking to your BIL, but can you just bring it up casually? Either way, I really hope you protect yourself and C and stay very strong. Good for you for you for saying something, even on here, so you at least have some support.

CherryStarburst

zeadfly:

You should never feel embarrassed to seek support from us. ::hugs:: I am not good with words but I wanted to say something. Like Sook said, trust your gut.

What zead said... so sorry Paisley

Nhev

LittleGus:

HappyDaze12:

Paisley4140:

The ring thing is partially explainable.  He works with machinery, and electricity, and there are times when it's dangerous for him to wear any type of jewelry.  So he does sometimes have to take his ring off at work. 

He said he was at a bar, and then at his brother's house.

 

Can you confirm the bar part via cc records. Will his brother tell you the truth about if he was there. You can mention it in passing and see if he tells you differently?

 

I personally wouldn't say ONE WORD to the brother or anyone else in his family.  If he said he was with his brother, then his brother is being skeevy and willing to cover for him.   He will tell your H that you're on to him and your case will weaken.

Good point.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Rach21

LittleGus:

HappyDaze12:

Paisley4140:

The ring thing is partially explainable.  He works with machinery, and electricity, and there are times when it's dangerous for him to wear any type of jewelry.  So he does sometimes have to take his ring off at work. 

He said he was at a bar, and then at his brother's house.

 

Can you confirm the bar part via cc records. Will his brother tell you the truth about if he was there. You can mention it in passing and see if he tells you differently?

 I personally wouldn't say ONE WORD to the brother or anyone else in his family.  If he said he was with his brother, then his brother is being skeevy and willing to cover for him.   He will tell your H that you're on to him and your case will weaken.

His bro isn't necessarily in on the shenanigans. It could have been just the first name he thought of. I'm all for doing some detective work if you think he'll lie to you, but something can be said for also calling him out. In either case, I'm so sorry he did this. T&Ps.

jastl32

Ugh. I am so sorry to hear you are dealing with this - no one should have to go through this. It makes me sick to even think about it.

Does he have a laptop or computer at home? I had a feeling my ex was cheating on me - he'd always have his call history in his phone deleted - I caught a few times when he'd talked to another woman, but what had me really catch him was I was looking through pictures on the computer (not looking for something actually, just was bored) and saw a video of him and another woman.

You could check on that in addition to the phone records, texts, credit cards, receipts, etc. I'd act like nothing is different (as best you can). I totally agree with PPs on getting a lawyer, getting yourself checked, etc.

Hang in there - stay strong.

kehgirl

This totally sucks.  I agree to do some quiet investigating.  But also, try to think two steps ahead.  You should probably figure out what your next action will be after you know the truth.  Will you stay? Will you leave?  One of the biggest mistakes I made was reneging on my "I'll leave you if you cheat on me" stance.  It lead to a sense of security for HIM and he continued to do what he wanted b/c he knew I would end up staying.   IMO, your husband is cheating.  I've been through it many times and you should always, always ALWAYS trust your gut.  Its completely up to you how you want to move forward but you should prepare yourself ahead of time so you can be committed to your decision.  Trust me, once you get further into this it will be harder to think clearly.  GL We are all here for you.

mamaregan

I am late once again! I am so, so, so sorry you are dealing with this. I agree with PP's to get phone records and keep your investigation on the hush hush.

My aunt's husband was cheating on her a few years ago and she caught him by putting a GPS tracking device on his car. When he was somewhere other than where he said he was she would go check it out, eventually she caught him at a motel with the other woman. Good luck!

SoldiersGreenBean

I don't know the background of your relationship with your H, OP.  You've gotten a lot of great suggestions here.  HOWEVER...

Does it really matter?  Aside from documenting what you need to do (finances, etc) to protect you and LO, does the rest of it matter?  If he denies everything until the day he dies, does it matter?  If you investigate, or hire a private investigator, does it matter what they find?  My guess is that despite what evidence you may or may not have, you'll never trust him again.  You don't trust him now (as well you shouldn't, from the sounds of things).

You need to do what your gut is, I think, already telling you do to.  This isn't a court of law.  You don't need evidence.

ktekne

I don't get on this board much but felt compelled to respond. From someone who just went through this, if your gut is telling you he is cheating then he probably is. I tried to ignore my gut feeling but the more and more I dug and paid attention to signs the more I realized my initial gut feeling was correct. Here's my advice no matter what the outcome... divorce, separation, working it out.... start gathering "evidence", as someone said before write EVERYTHING down that seems suspicious, check cell phone records... AT&T had the bill online and I saved PDF copies to a jump drive. He had an iphone with a text free and text plus app where the text messages don't show up on the bill but every now and then her number would show up... he eventually put a lock code on the app so I couldn't get into it and none of his normal passwords worked so I knew he was really trying to hide something. I dug around on the internet and found out who the number belonged to. You can't get actual text messages unless an attorney is involved... that is straight from AT&T. Not sure who your provider is. If you think he's having sex with someone else then I'd get tested or make him wear a condom. Watch cc or bank statements to see if extra money is going places it normally wouldn't. I knew it all before I finally busted my H and I think he was shocked at how much I actually knew. Then I sent the bit** and her husband (yes I figured out I knew ppl who knew him and got his #) a text and let the bit** know they were busted and told her husband that I caught his wife with my H. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to or help.

It's ok if you aren't sure what you want to do if you find out he's cheating. I had my family come the next day and moved most of the stuff out of our house and took DD and moved into my parents house. I was 99% sure I was done and we were getting divorced. Immediately H changed his tune and wanted to work things out but I was not buying it because this was actually the 3rd time I had caught him having a relationship with this girl. I stayed gone for 2 months and had to tuck my tail and tell my family that helped me move in ONE day that I was going to try to work it out. I'm not going to lie... it's tough because it hurts and you wonder everyday if you're doing the right thing.

Vermillionsss

If you feel smooth enough, and depending on the phone you/he has, you could use a tracker. There is one on IPhone called Footprints, and one for android called Latitude, I think. Turn it on oh his phone, and do the same for yours. Talk to him on the phone and check things out when he's not where he says he is. You can even install it through the phone company, but he may find out about that one. (My boss did this to her son, and then followed him online to make sure he was going where he said he was)

This sucks and I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been cheated on before (emotionally only- as far as I know) and it still completely crushes me everytime I think about it. You can do it though, just be strong and know we are here for your support!

MSC03

I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry, sweetie. That is awful and you do not deserve that!

ktekne

ktekne:

I don't get on this board much but felt compelled to respond. From someone who just went through this, if your gut is telling you he is cheating then he probably is. I tried to ignore my gut feeling but the more and more I dug and paid attention to signs the more I realized my initial gut feeling was correct. Here's my advice no matter what the outcome... divorce, separation, working it out.... start gathering "evidence", as someone said before write EVERYTHING down that seems suspicious, check cell phone records... AT&T had the bill online and I saved PDF copies to a jump drive. He had an iphone with a text free and text plus app where the text messages don't show up on the bill but every now and then her number would show up... he eventually put a lock code on the app so I couldn't get into it and none of his normal passwords worked so I knew he was really trying to hide something. I dug around on the internet and found out who the number belonged to. You can't get actual text messages unless an attorney is involved... that is straight from AT&T. Not sure who your provider is. If you think he's having sex with someone else then I'd get tested or make him wear a condom. Watch cc or bank statements to see if extra money is going places it normally wouldn't. I knew it all before I finally busted my H and I think he was shocked at how much I actually knew. Then I sent the bit** and her husband (yes I figured out I knew ppl who knew him and got his #) a text and let the bit** know they were busted and told her husband that I caught his wife with my H. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to or help.

It's ok if you aren't sure what you want to do if you find out he's cheating. I had my family come the next day and moved most of the stuff out of our house and took DD and moved into my parents house. I was 99% sure I was done and we were getting divorced. Immediately H changed his tune and wanted to work things out but I was not buying it because this was actually the 3rd time I had caught him having a relationship with this girl. I stayed gone for 2 months and had to tuck my tail and tell my family that helped me move in ONE day that I was going to try to work it out. I'm not going to lie... it's tough because it hurts and you wonder everyday if you're doing the right thing.

 

Sorry that was long but I have to add that the reason I gatherered so much evidence was to use in court and because I wanted proof before I actually just up and left.

juliedooley

I'm super-late to this too and I know I'm not the biggest poster on here and don't really know you but just wanted to say I'm so sorry if your gut feelings turn out to be right. There's been some great advice on here, so I can't add anything except T&Ps that things will work out for the best, whatever that may be.

I also feel awful for those on here who have dealt with cheating personally....I'll never understand why men (and yes, women too!) choose to destroy their families like that and think they can get away with it.

christina39

THis sucks - all the way around - esp now that there is a little one...ugh..

Ok - from experience - I can say, as PP have, trust your gut...Knowledge is power  - keep tabs on everything - pay attention - my situation happened because I wasn't - and he knew it - life gets super busy and you can't always remember where he said he was - write everything down...I agree with phone records - emails - eveything..Whatever you find and save - make sure you also give a copy to a trusted friend in case your copy goes "missing"..ugh..WHo has time for this shiit?  {{HUGS}}

 

 

 

 

 

MommaEm

I am so sorry!! Everyone has said everything I wanted to. I know that T-Mobile and Verizon both need a court order to print out text messages, but you can see the numbers being called on the bill/online (My tmobile/ My verizon accounts). Listen to your gut, I'm so so sorry you have to deal with this!!! ((HUGS))

 

bobbyruth

I have nothing to add to what has been said.  I am sorry you are going through this. ((hugs))

Libby1978

Paisley4140:

He's not saying he uses a condom to masturbate.  That's why it's so, so stupid.

There have been other signs.  The big one was last weekend.  He went to CVS to buy me some Tylenol.  When he came home, I saw a box of condoms in the CVS bag.  I didn't say anything about it and left the room to get a glass of water.  When I came back, the condoms were gone. 

Bear in mind here that I am on the pill and that the only time we've used condoms is when I've missed one or been on antibiotics or something like that.

I asked him about the condoms several days later.  He said he had been hoping to get lucky on Mother's Day and was paranoid about conceiving another baby.  I gave him the benefit of the doubt. 

I am so sorry lady!  I know you have to be sick over this.  I hope you get to the bottom of it quickly & find out what's going on.  I'm anxious for you just reading this thread.  Also like everyone else said, you have no reason to feel embarrassed about posting this. 

Steph0518

I'm so late to this.  But I just wanted to say how sorry I was.  Sucks to have to go through that after you decided to have a child with this person! I totally agree with what everyone else has said too! Be sure you get all your ducks in a row.  1) decide what you want to do (leave or stay) 2) gather the evidence immediately 3) keep records of everything you can think of (i always say it's better to have it and not need it, then need it and not have it!) 4) get a lawyer and counseling 5) find somewhere safe to stay. 

I live in Florida, which is a "No fault" state, hopefully yours isn't the same so you can burn his asss!!! 

I went through a period with DH where he was lying to me constantly, but about stupid stuff-nothing this serious.  I would get everything I could to prove to him that I'm not an idiot and knew what was going on, before I would confront him.  So that when I did, and he lied, I had the documents/pictures/records/etc to prove him wrong.  After that little escapade, he's straightened up and realized that lying to me isn't the best idea!

I really hope that everything works out for you! I'm glad that you came to us for support! We're all here for you!!!!!!!! ((HUGS))

KelzinBoston

Nothing much to add here either.

I just wish you the best and hope you get some answers soon.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

SDarling324

All PP's have said everything I was wanting to add and more.  This totally breaks my heart and my thoughts are with you and your LO.  I hope you get some answers and soon.

((HUGS)) 

MJHershey

I'm so sorry, hun. That excuse is really thin... I agree with a PP- have him produce the full box condoms that he bought for the two of you without leaving the house.

Get whatever you need in order before you say anything more.

 

I am so so sorry. (((hug)))

tkvoisin

**big hugs**

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

I agree with everyone that said you need to gather evidence first. No matter which way you think things will go.

shakes

SookieFrackhouse68:

Follow your gut. I think you're right. The missing ring, the drunkeness and the smell of latex are three BIG red flags.

And you are brave not to make an AE. Anyone who makes fun of you is a stupid cvnt who I will flame to hell personally.

I am so sorry. ((hugs))

All of this! No one could make fun of you for this love. Im sorry it's even an issue.

AleciaMarie

www.survivinginfidelity.com

discobush

Thanks so much to every one of you who responded.  This thread would get unruly if I tried to write back individually to everyone, so I'll have to leave it at that, but please know that your support means a lot to me.  I feel lifted up on that big metallic hand-bra people used to post over on TTGP.

My H and I didn't talk this morning.  I didn't know what to say.  So the only explanation I have from him is the drunken one from last night.  We have some talking to do when he gets home from work.  

emilydholmes1

Paisley4140:

Thanks so much to every one of you who responded.  This thread would get unruly if I tried to write back individually to everyone, so I'll have to leave it at that, but please know that your support means a lot to me.  I feel lifted up on that big metallic hand-bra people used to post over on TTGP.

My H and I didn't talk this morning.  I didn't know what to say.  So the only explanation I have from him is the drunken one from last night.  We have some talking to do when he gets home from work.  

I will be thinking about you tonight. Please let me know if you need anything. Even just to vent. ((HUGS))

jonnysgirl07

Please keep us updated. Ill be praying for you. I hope that he was being honest, my dh has known a few guys that have done that (condom jerking off). He says its really weird but that some do that. I still would investigate. I hope this all goes great and that he can prove he really did. Please be strong for yourself and lo.

torii

I am so sorry you're having to go through this. It's not fair and you don't deserve it. Even if there's the small chance he was telling you the truth, it still sucks that you feel the way you do.

I'll be praying for you tonight to have the strength to get through the difficult conversation you need to have with your H. 

KoalaBear103

emilydholmes1:

Paisley4140:

Thanks so much to every one of you who responded.  This thread would get unruly if I tried to write back individually to everyone, so I'll have to leave it at that, but please know that your support means a lot to me.  I feel lifted up on that big metallic hand-bra people used to post over on TTGP.

My H and I didn't talk this morning.  I didn't know what to say.  So the only explanation I have from him is the drunken one from last night.  We have some talking to do when he gets home from work.  

I will be thinking about you tonight. Please let me know if you need anything. Even just to vent. ((HUGS))

Ditto-I just got here Paisley but I wanted to offer hugs andd please let me kow if you need anything or need to vent!

hopecounts

I'm so sorry. I second the pp advice on documenting things. Especially financial things (his paystubs/checking account/savings/CC).

My mom found out that not only was my dad cheating but that he had bought a plane by checking his CC statement. Let's say that evidence helped in proving what he could afford for Child Support (he was hiding money that she didn't know about until her attorney tracked where the money for the plane came from).

 

SnowflakeBride06

I don't have anything else to add b/c PP said it all but I am so sorry you are going through this and we are here for you

Keep us posted ok?

:Hugs: