I think my H is cheating on me.

J+MS · May 2011

LittleGus:
J+MS:
LCB34:
MissNikki007:

Oh Paisley, I am so sorry! I don't even know what to say.

Does he really wear a condom when masturbating, though?

I was wondering this too. If he does, then it might not be anything at all. But, add in the no ring and I would definitely be wondering.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I'm not sure what my next move would be - maybe pull up your phone records and see if he has multiple calls to the same number. This is what my mom did when she started suspecting my dad was having an affair.

Yep. AT&T puts your phone bill online maybe other companies do too. I would start there. Then, if you have the moula, get a private investigator.

Depending on your carrier you can request a print out of texts also. I have a friend who caught her dirtbag this way. Or just wait for him to go to sleep and check it yourself.

Again I'm so sorry

oh, even better. I had no idea that was possible. I thought you had to have a subpoena for that kind of info, even if you pay the bill.

SuperThat1006 · May 2011

I'm so sorry.

I agree to check phone records (text messages).

I hope you're wrong.

Mama_SAS · May 2011

Where was he drinking? Was he masturbating there? I doubt it. So why would he smell like a condom when he came home?

I?ve never paid that much attention but I don?t think that smell lingers forever, and I don?t think if you masturbate a lot it smells more like latex. Just like if you have sex with a condom on a lot your junk doesn?t start to smell like latex 24/7. Basically even if he was masturbating with a condom on it still doesn?t add up.

**Hugs**

I hope you get to the bottom of it soon.

MrsG NC · May 2011

So sorry you are dealing with this.

I agree with PP, do a little checking up and see if you can find anything. If there are no other signs than I'd give him the benefit of the doubt but if you have noticed other things (however small they may be) go with your gut and look into this.

Again, so sorry!

WiscoWife · May 2011

I just asked my husband about the masturbating with a condom thing- and he says it's complete BS. While some men do it, he made the first excuse that came to mind to cover his tracks.

Of course, this is just coming from my husband, and is not the truth. But I do believe this situation requires further investigation on your part. The fact that he was wearing no wedding ring is a HUGE red flag, according to my husband.

Please please please do not let this go.

DreadLoc · May 2011

Paisley4140:
He's not saying he uses a condom to masturbate. That's why it's so, so stupid.
There have been other signs. The big one was last weekend. He went to CVS to buy me some Tylenol. When he came home, I saw a box of condoms in the CVS bag. I didn't say anything about it and left the room to get a glass of water. When I came back, the condoms were gone.
Bear in mind here that I am on the pill and that the only time we've used condoms is when I've missed one or been on antibiotics or something like that.
I asked him about the condoms several days later. He said he had been hoping to get lucky on Mother's Day and was paranoid about conceiving another baby. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Since you two didn't use the condoms, ask him to produce them.

Go get yourself tested, take a look at the bank account statement, and check out his phone records.

HappyDaze12 · May 2011

Paisley4140:

He's not saying he uses a condom to masturbate. That's why it's so, so stupid.

There have been other signs. The big one was last weekend. He went to CVS to buy me some Tylenol. When he came home, I saw a box of condoms in the CVS bag. I didn't say anything about it and left the room to get a glass of water. When I came back, the condoms were gone.

Bear in mind here that I am on the pill and that the only time we've used condoms is when I've missed one or been on antibiotics or something like that.

I asked him about the condoms several days later. He said he had been hoping to get lucky on Mother's Day and was paranoid about conceiving another baby. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

So he said his hand jerking his wang off made it smell like rubber??

OK Based on this I think it definitely looks bad. I would sit him down and confront him with all of the facts. I hope you find some peace at the end of all of this!!

Let me know if you ever need to talk.

[Deleted User] · May 2011

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CinemaGoddess · May 2011

Paisley4140:

He's not saying he uses a condom to masturbate. That's why it's so, so stupid.

There have been other signs. The big one was last weekend. He went to CVS to buy me some Tylenol. When he came home, I saw a box of condoms in the CVS bag. I didn't say anything about it and left the room to get a glass of water. When I came back, the condoms were gone.

Bear in mind here that I am on the pill and that the only time we've used condoms is when I've missed one or been on antibiotics or something like that.

I asked him about the condoms several days later. He said he had been hoping to get lucky on Mother's Day and was paranoid about conceiving another baby. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

I'd start looking for a lawyer or counselor, whichever you prefer. This is bad, dude.

LCB34 · May 2011

Paisley4140:

He's not saying he uses a condom to masturbate. That's why it's so, so stupid.

There have been other signs. The big one was last weekend. He went to CVS to buy me some Tylenol. When he came home, I saw a box of condoms in the CVS bag. I didn't say anything about it and left the room to get a glass of water. When I came back, the condoms were gone.

Bear in mind here that I am on the pill and that the only time we've used condoms is when I've missed one or been on antibiotics or something like that.

I asked him about the condoms several days later. He said he had been hoping to get lucky on Mother's Day and was paranoid about conceiving another baby. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

I would start looking into things. But, I wouldn't say anything to him until you have cell phone records, emails, etc. Get your ducks in a row before he has the chance to delete evidence. I would even retain an attorney and get legal advice about how to proceed. You need to protect yourself.

Again, I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

alduarte · May 2011

Paisley4140:
He's not saying he uses a condom to masturbate. That's why it's so, so stupid.
There have been other signs. The big one was last weekend. He went to CVS to buy me some Tylenol. When he came home, I saw a box of condoms in the CVS bag. I didn't say anything about it and left the room to get a glass of water. When I came back, the condoms were gone.
Bear in mind here that I am on the pill and that the only time we've used condoms is when I've missed one or been on antibiotics or something like that.
I asked him about the condoms several days later. He said he had been hoping to get lucky on Mother's Day and was paranoid about conceiving another baby. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

I completely understand wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt since he is your husband, but have you seen the condoms anywhere in your house? Like a bedside table or somewhere? If they aren't in your house then it seems like he must be using them somewhere else.

I think this a major red flag also. I'm so sorry.

veronicacorningstone · May 2011

Paisley4140:
He's not saying he uses a condom to masturbate. That's why it's so, so stupid.
There have been other signs. The big one was last weekend. He went to CVS to buy me some Tylenol. When he came home, I saw a box of condoms in the CVS bag. I didn't say anything about it and left the room to get a glass of water. When I came back, the condoms were gone.
Bear in mind here that I am on the pill and that the only time we've used condoms is when I've missed one or been on antibiotics or something like that.
I asked him about the condoms several days later. He said he had been hoping to get lucky on Mother's Day and was paranoid about conceiving another baby. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

That pretty much seals the deal for me.

I'm so very sorry you have to deal with this, but the condoms he bought, the smell of latex and missing wedding ring only equal one thing. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck...

I hope you confront him about it, I really do. Again, I'm sorry. <hugs>

[Deleted User] · May 2011

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wife1014 · May 2011

ugh, I am so sorry. Just start snooping...

LCB34 · May 2011

J+MS:
LittleGus:
J+MS:
LCB34:
MissNikki007:

Oh Paisley, I am so sorry! I don't even know what to say.

Does he really wear a condom when masturbating, though?

I was wondering this too. If he does, then it might not be anything at all. But, add in the no ring and I would definitely be wondering.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I'm not sure what my next move would be - maybe pull up your phone records and see if he has multiple calls to the same number. This is what my mom did when she started suspecting my dad was having an affair.

Yep. AT&T puts your phone bill online maybe other companies do too. I would start there. Then, if you have the moula, get a private investigator.

Depending on your carrier you can request a print out of texts also. I have a friend who caught her dirtbag this way. Or just wait for him to go to sleep and check it yourself.

Again I'm so sorry

oh, even better. I had no idea that was possible. I thought you had to have a subpoena for that kind of info, even if you pay the bill.

I'm pretty sure you need a subpoena. At least I know you do with Sprint as my mom wasn't able to get text records (and she is the primary account holder).

LittleGus · May 2011

LCB34:
Paisley4140:

He's not saying he uses a condom to masturbate. That's why it's so, so stupid.

There have been other signs. The big one was last weekend. He went to CVS to buy me some Tylenol. When he came home, I saw a box of condoms in the CVS bag. I didn't say anything about it and left the room to get a glass of water. When I came back, the condoms were gone.

Bear in mind here that I am on the pill and that the only time we've used condoms is when I've missed one or been on antibiotics or something like that.

I asked him about the condoms several days later. He said he had been hoping to get lucky on Mother's Day and was paranoid about conceiving another baby. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

I would start looking into things. But, I wouldn't say anything to him until you have cell phone records, emails, etc. Get your ducks in a row before he has the chance to delete evidence. I would even retain an attorney and get legal advice about how to proceed. You need to protect yourself.

Again, I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

I totally agree. Start a log also of the sh!t he's doing and when. Seriously.

neferhathor · May 2011

Oh man. I'm SO SO SO sorry that you're having to go through all of this. I can't even imagine how you feel (although i think i'd feel like someone just kicked the sh*t out of my stomach). I sincerely hope that it's all just coincidences, but I would be HIGHLY suspicious myself. I hope that whatever happens, you can work through it all and feel good again. Please update us if you feel like it, and know we are here if you need support. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Mama_SAS · May 2011

Paisley4140:
He's not saying he uses a condom to masturbate. That's why it's so, so stupid.
There have been other signs. The big one was last weekend. He went to CVS to buy me some Tylenol. When he came home, I saw a box of condoms in the CVS bag. I didn't say anything about it and left the room to get a glass of water. When I came back, the condoms were gone.
Bear in mind here that I am on the pill and that the only time we've used condoms is when I've missed one or been on antibiotics or something like that.
I asked him about the condoms several days later. He said he had been hoping to get lucky on Mother's Day and was paranoid about conceiving another baby. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Oh this sounds like complete bulllshit.

I absolutely recommend confrontation. If nothing comes out then I recommend investigation.

krate24 · May 2011

MrsLacy:
Paisley4140:
He's not saying he uses a condom to masturbate. That's why it's so, so stupid.
There have been other signs. The big one was last weekend. He went to CVS to buy me some Tylenol. When he came home, I saw a box of condoms in the CVS bag. I didn't say anything about it and left the room to get a glass of water. When I came back, the condoms were gone.
Bear in mind here that I am on the pill and that the only time we've used condoms is when I've missed one or been on antibiotics or something like that.
I asked him about the condoms several days later. He said he had been hoping to get lucky on Mother's Day and was paranoid about conceiving another baby. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
Since you two didn't use the condoms, ask him to produce them.
Go get yourself tested, take a look at the bank account statement, and check out his phone records.

This. He needs to come up with a better excuse than he has been. What he's saying isn't adding up.

NoCode10 · May 2011

MrsLacy:
Since you two didn't use the condoms, ask him to produce them.
Go get yourself tested, take a look at the bank account statement, and check out his phone records.

Yes, all of this! Do NOT give him the benefit of the doubt this time. For yours and your LO's sake.

Aubrianarose · May 2011

SookieFrackhouse68:
Paisley4140:

He's not saying he uses a condom to masturbate. That's why it's so, so stupid.

There have been other signs. The big one was last weekend. He went to CVS to buy me some Tylenol. When he came home, I saw a box of condoms in the CVS bag. I didn't say anything about it and left the room to get a glass of water. When I came back, the condoms were gone.

Bear in mind here that I am on the pill and that the only time we've used condoms is when I've missed one or been on antibiotics or something like that.

I asked him about the condoms several days later. He said he had been hoping to get lucky on Mother's Day and was paranoid about conceiving another baby. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

You are no dummy. Follow your gut. Something is rotton in the state of Denmark.

This. I would be suspicious. Everyone has given really good advice so far.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

discobush · May 2011

The ring thing is partially explainable. He works with machinery, and electricity, and there are times when it's dangerous for him to wear any type of jewelry. So he does sometimes have to take his ring off at work.

He said he was at a bar, and then at his brother's house.

WiscoWife · May 2011

LCB34:
Paisley4140:

He's not saying he uses a condom to masturbate. That's why it's so, so stupid.

There have been other signs. The big one was last weekend. He went to CVS to buy me some Tylenol. When he came home, I saw a box of condoms in the CVS bag. I didn't say anything about it and left the room to get a glass of water. When I came back, the condoms were gone.

Bear in mind here that I am on the pill and that the only time we've used condoms is when I've missed one or been on antibiotics or something like that.

I asked him about the condoms several days later. He said he had been hoping to get lucky on Mother's Day and was paranoid about conceiving another baby. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

I would start looking into things. But, I wouldn't say anything to him until you have cell phone records, emails, etc. Get your ducks in a row before he has the chance to delete evidence. I would even retain an attorney and get legal advice about how to proceed. You need to protect yourself.

Again, I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

Exactly this. and Document everything.

LittleGus · May 2011

LCB34:
J+MS:
LittleGus:
J+MS:
LCB34:
MissNikki007:

Oh Paisley, I am so sorry! I don't even know what to say.

Does he really wear a condom when masturbating, though?

I was wondering this too. If he does, then it might not be anything at all. But, add in the no ring and I would definitely be wondering.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I'm not sure what my next move would be - maybe pull up your phone records and see if he has multiple calls to the same number. This is what my mom did when she started suspecting my dad was having an affair.

Yep. AT&T puts your phone bill online maybe other companies do too. I would start there. Then, if you have the moula, get a private investigator.

Depending on your carrier you can request a print out of texts also. I have a friend who caught her dirtbag this way. Or just wait for him to go to sleep and check it yourself.

Again I'm so sorry

oh, even better. I had no idea that was possible. I thought you had to have a subpoena for that kind of info, even if you pay the bill.

I'm pretty sure you need a subpoena. At least I know you do with Sprint as my mom wasn't able to get text records (and she is the primary account holder).

Paisley if you want I can check with my friend about this. By the time we knew what was going on she already had the records, so perhaps she had a subpoena from her attorney and I was unaware.

LCB34 · May 2011

Mama_SAS:
Paisley4140:

He's not saying he uses a condom to masturbate. That's why it's so, so stupid.

There have been other signs. The big one was last weekend. He went to CVS to buy me some Tylenol. When he came home, I saw a box of condoms in the CVS bag. I didn't say anything about it and left the room to get a glass of water. When I came back, the condoms were gone.

Bear in mind here that I am on the pill and that the only time we've used condoms is when I've missed one or been on antibiotics or something like that.

I asked him about the condoms several days later. He said he had been hoping to get lucky on Mother's Day and was paranoid about conceiving another baby. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Oh this sounds like complete bulllshit.

I absolutely recommend confrontation. If nothing comes out then I recommend investigation.

I would not recommend confrontation until you have hard copy evidence.

My mom just went through this with my dad and thing started disappearing the second she said something to him. Thankfully she had some documentation but, other items disappeared as he started trying to cover his tracks.

t.bird · May 2011

that sucks- sorry man

i'm with everyone else. some quiet checking out & observation & then confrontation.

MrsG NC · May 2011

Another place to snoop is his wallet. My dad had several affairs when he was married to my mother and she found out through receipts in his wallet. (dinner for two..ect..)

Maybe my dad was just an idiot though and most men are better at hiding those things. Either way, another place to do a little checking up.

SnoopyLuv · May 2011

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Please talk to a lawyer, ASAP. Then look at the phone records, do some digging. I am so glad you felt like you could come here. I know there are others who have been through this. The biggest thing to remember is that you are not to blame.

hermione76 · May 2011

((hugs)) I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I really wish that I had some words of wisdom for you.

HappyDaze12 · May 2011

Paisley4140:

The ring thing is partially explainable. He works with machinery, and electricity, and there are times when it's dangerous for him to wear any type of jewelry. So he does sometimes have to take his ring off at work.

He said he was at a bar, and then at his brother's house.

Can you confirm the bar part via cc records. Will his brother tell you the truth about if he was there. You can mention it in passing and see if he tells you differently?

SimoneSays22 · May 2011

Oh no Paisley, I'm so, so sorry you are dealing with this.

I agree with PPs that none of this adds up. I would confront him and ask about the condoms.

We are all here anytime you need us!

ETA: Now I read more of the thread. Agree with PPs to do some digging first. Again, I'm so sorry.

LCB34 · May 2011

MrsG NC:

Maybe my dad was just an idiot though and most men are better at hiding those things. Either way, another place to do a little checking up.

I think men who cheat feel like they will never get caught. Once we knew my dad was having an affair, the evidence against him was insane - almost as if he wanted to be caught. Toll tag records, phone records, hell he had phone conversations with the woman in front of my mom acting as if it was a coworker.

It is disgusting what cheating men will do.

discobush · May 2011

Oh hell, C just woke up. I'll be off for a while.

You guys are awesome. For real.

[Deleted User] · May 2011

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Mama_SAS · May 2011

LCB34:
Mama_SAS:
Paisley4140:

He's not saying he uses a condom to masturbate. That's why it's so, so stupid.
There have been other signs. The big one was last weekend. He went to CVS to buy me some Tylenol. When he came home, I saw a box of condoms in the CVS bag. I didn't say anything about it and left the room to get a glass of water. When I came back, the condoms were gone.
Bear in mind here that I am on the pill and that the only time we've used condoms is when I've missed one or been on antibiotics or something like that.
I asked him about the condoms several days later. He said he had been hoping to get lucky on Mother's Day and was paranoid about conceiving another baby. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
Oh this sounds like complete bulllshit.
I absolutely recommend confrontation. If nothing comes out then I recommend investigation.
I would not recommend confrontation until you have hard copy evidence.
My mom just went through this with my dad and thing started disappearing the second she said something to him. Thankfully she had some documentation but, other items disappeared as he started trying to cover his tracks.

You?re right. After reading everyone?s responses I completely take back my recommendation.

Seriously get yourself checked out though, Paisley. I have a horror story of someone who never, ever suspected that her H was cheating so she never suspected that she had an STD and by the time she found out it was bad.

MrsG NC · May 2011

LCB34:
MrsG NC:

Maybe my dad was just an idiot though and most men are better at hiding those things. Either way, another place to do a little checking up.
I think men who cheat feel like they will never get caught. Once we knew my dad was having an affair, the evidence against him was insane - almost as if he wanted to be caught. Toll tag records, phone records, hell he had phone conversations with the woman in front of my mom acting as if it was a coworker.
It is disgusting what cheating men will do.

Sounds like my dad. He STILL denies certain things that we have undeniable evidence to though. He was very careless in covering tracks.

I remember one time he asked me how to spell a certain girls name. It turns out he was sending flowers to his mistress who was staying with a friend and he didn't know how to spell her name. I was 10 and had no clue what was going on, until later on when everything came out.

It is absolutely disgusting and something that really tugs at my heart. I HATE cheating.

Mayoral04 · May 2011

kita09:
+LuckyVal+:
Is this the first sign or have there been other indications?
this.

And is he masturbating in public? I'm so sorry but please go with your gut feeling.

sodelish · May 2011

I'm late to this but I just wanted to say, I'm so,so sorry Paisley. I hope he's not having an affair but agree with everyone that you should follow your gut instinct and look further into it.