Eh, I guess I'm in the minority here, but if you are making plans or just having casual banter, than do it with the wife. There is a couple we are freinds with, and while we all do things together, I don't communicate independently with him and she doesn't communicate with DH. I just think it's a boundary thing.
I agree
I agree, its a respect issue. And I'm sure u do respect her, then don't be too hurt.
Do you also text the wife jokes or ask her to go to the pool? It seems like you may have a separate relationship with the husband and she may be wondering, "If she has something funny to say, why does she only want to share it with my husband and not me?" When I want to make plans with another couple, I text the both of them. I don't want the wife/ girlfriend to wonder why I'm choosing just to go through her man. If you were just friends with the husband, then I can see you just texting him, but since you're friends with the both of them, you can't leave her out because that will make her suspicious. So she told you there were trust issues early in the relationship, so I can see why she doesn't like what's going on. She thinks she's friends with you but you're texting her husband. You're bothered by the fact that she must not think too highly of you, but that's besides the point. Her main concern is her husband. That's her life partner and she wants to keep it that way. If she doesn't trust him, it's easy for her not to trust other people, especially women that are close to him. Also, was he keeping these texts a secret and she just found out? If they were innocent, then why didn't she know about it until now? I'm not saying they weren't innocent, but he made them not innocent when he hid them from her. He probably knew she wouldn't like it because of whatever happened, but he chose to continue to text you. Is him texting you so important that he's going to lie to his wife about it? That is probably why she's even more suspicious. It was probably really hard for her to talk to you about this, but I'm sure she doesn't want to play the fool again.
After reading your post, I must say that I really don't think this issue is geared towards you. It is very obvious that this woman does not trust her husband at all! It might have been a small incident but I am guessing enough for her to not trust him. I can totally understand why you feel she does not trust you as well but I would not take it this way. I don't think she necessarily thinks you will drive him to infidelity....nonetheless, I agree with you regarding your friendship status now--if I were you, I would probably would not continue the close relationship with them for two reasons, one, the wife made it too awkward and two, why would I want to be in the middle of this? Because maybe now it's texting but later you can be blamed for a look or a random touch, etc....
It sucks, I understand you very much but some women are more jealous than others.....If she is an important friend in your life, I would initiate a serious talk with her explaining how you felt and feel.
While I am sad for you that you are hurt and things are awkward, there could be other reasons that she asked this of you. Obviously I only know a small window of the story, but MH texts a lot of my friends (including girls). Typically it doesn't bother me at all but with one particular friend, I saw my friendship between her and I declining because she began going through him. There came a point that I felt like I entirely lost my friend and he gained one. I never talked to her about it, because I was fearful that she would react the way that you did, and only see the hurt, not that I was trying to salvage our friendship. It isn't easy for someone on the other side (my friend) to see that I felt like I was losing a friend to my husband. I talked to MH about it, and he did agree that she had sort of neglected our friendship since she and he had started communicating more frequently. Since he has stopped, she talks to me now, which is wonderful! I missed her!
It was very difficult for me to hear from my husband every other week or so, "Oh, 'friend' wants to know if we want to do X, Y, or Z tomorrow." She completely stopped asking me, and it hurt me that I was always finding out through him. I felt like a third wheel between MY friend and MY husband. It was such a terrible feeling.
If this is not the case, and possibly it isn't, in your situation, I am so sorry. It truly is an unfortunate situation. If she is struggling with trust issues, they are extremely difficult to overcome, and I am very sorry for her as well.
Re: So one of my very very good friends called me today
I agree, its a respect issue. And I'm sure u do respect her, then don't be too hurt.
Really! I am a little sad I didn't read this a long time ago, though. No way am I going through all of this now.
Here, let me help you with that. 299.
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
{Ava 5.16.06} {Ella 12.29.07} {Drew 2.9.10}
Hi there,
After reading your post, I must say that I really don't think this issue is geared towards you. It is very obvious that this woman does not trust her husband at all! It might have been a small incident but I am guessing enough for her to not trust him. I can totally understand why you feel she does not trust you as well but I would not take it this way. I don't think she necessarily thinks you will drive him to infidelity....nonetheless, I agree with you regarding your friendship status now--if I were you, I would probably would not continue the close relationship with them for two reasons, one, the wife made it too awkward and two, why would I want to be in the middle of this? Because maybe now it's texting but later you can be blamed for a look or a random touch, etc....
It sucks, I understand you very much but some women are more jealous than others.....If she is an important friend in your life, I would initiate a serious talk with her explaining how you felt and feel.
Hope my two cents help
I agree with Mel!
While I am sad for you that you are hurt and things are awkward, there could be other reasons that she asked this of you. Obviously I only know a small window of the story, but MH texts a lot of my friends (including girls). Typically it doesn't bother me at all but with one particular friend, I saw my friendship between her and I declining because she began going through him. There came a point that I felt like I entirely lost my friend and he gained one. I never talked to her about it, because I was fearful that she would react the way that you did, and only see the hurt, not that I was trying to salvage our friendship. It isn't easy for someone on the other side (my friend) to see that I felt like I was losing a friend to my husband. I talked to MH about it, and he did agree that she had sort of neglected our friendship since she and he had started communicating more frequently. Since he has stopped, she talks to me now, which is wonderful! I missed her!
It was very difficult for me to hear from my husband every other week or so, "Oh, 'friend' wants to know if we want to do X, Y, or Z tomorrow." She completely stopped asking me, and it hurt me that I was always finding out through him. I felt like a third wheel between MY friend and MY husband. It was such a terrible feeling.
If this is not the case, and possibly it isn't, in your situation, I am so sorry. It truly is an unfortunate situation. If she is struggling with trust issues, they are extremely difficult to overcome, and I am very sorry for her as well.
Come on, do better! This was rather recent!
Oh, it will have to wait. I have 3 loads of laundry to fold, 3 beds to make, and a "harlem globetrotters" game upstairs to attend. Later!