January Randoms

potato3000

@kalesix3 I also have a history of quick births and we live 90min from the closest hospital (I don't even know if birth centres exist in Canada but there's definitely none anywhere close to us that I know of). For my first two we lived in the city so they were both homebirths with a midwife and I'm pretty comfortable with the idea of this one being a midwife attended hospital birth (although saddened by the idea of leaving our kids here with MIL instead of having them at the birth especially because they've both requested to be there -- but the only other option would be a friend's place or AIR BNB homebirth in the city and after having my first two in the shower, I plan to do the same for this one so I wouldn't be worried about 'clean-up' or anything but it still feels like a weird idea) but definitely nervous about making it there on time either way!

I hope you're able to get a plan in place that you're comfortable with very soon 💓

potato3000

Also, came to post that I've been feeling LO squirm, hiccup and kick so much more regularly lately (20w5d, 3rd baby) and it's so heartwarming and comforting! 🥹💞

ReadyForaB

So, they told us it was a boy at our anatomy scan on Tuesday.  However, the picture they gave us pointing to his "boy parts" is terrible.  I can not make out any of the anatomy and the tech even make reference to the cord being there also.  Photo in spoiler.  I have used the services of a website called "the gender experts" for my son and for this baby,  With my son they were correct.  With this baby I sent them an early scan for the ramzi theory (placenta placement) and they said girl.  I just today sent them a profile shot for the skull theory and they, again, said girl.  My husband says I am being crazy and the tech sounded confident and she does this for a living blah blah blah... Which I totally get.  But some part of me wants to book another private scan for confirmation.  I hear these stories all the time about incorrect ultrasound predictions. Am I being insane? haha!

thescarletmom

@peyts228 @ReadyForaB the lack of affordable, available childcare in our area is the reason DH is a SAHD. It's a freaking nightmare! We had a really great babysitter/in home daycare for DS1 but DS2 was born in March 2020 and she didn't want to risk getting sick having the kids in and out of her house so we had to make major shifts.

peyts228

@ReadyForaB Does your anatomy scan report get sent to your OB or midwife to review? For me, an OB goes over the scan with us, so it's not just the tech. Maybe hearing from your main provider will clear it up!

ETA: I can't make out a thing on ultrasounds, lol. I could never see my son's genitalia when they pointed it out, and he is indeed a boy!

ReadyForaB

@peyts228 it was at an MFM center so I did talk to a high risk doctor (not my normal OB) directly after.  To be honest, I was just on cloud 9 that I had a healthy baby in me, I didn't care about this weird gender picture at the time.  I have been released from MFM.  My regular OB will get the report but I doubt he will get the photos.  I guess I could bring it and ask his opinion lol. I am sure I am just being a bit crazy.  I just wish I could figure out where the legs are!  And wtf is on the right? None of it makes sense to me.  I feel like my son's gender shot was so much clearer. 

thescarletmom

@ReadyForaB that picture is so unclear as to what's in it I almost feel like your OB wouldn't know either. A "you had to be there" moment 😂 if your OB feels conflicted, could you go back to the boutique ultrasound place just to have a second opinion?

As someone who DID have an inaccurate ultrasound (DS1), I've not really ever heard much of inaccuracies saying boy when it's a girl, and not the other way around. I think mainly because it's easier to miss something that *is* there than to make up something that isn't, re: a penis. If that makes sense? But our "gender shot" of DS2 was soo clear, you could obviously make out his legs on either side and the little Washington monument in the middle 😂 we knew FOR SURE leaving that ultrasound. 

kalesix3

@ReadyForaB generally I would trust the tech over skull and ramzi theory (btw I saw your ultrasound photo and immediately thought it was a boy skull so that's interesting they the gender experts said girl) but that picture is absolutely awful and if you didn't actually visualize a penis I would go to the boutique and get a second opinion. I know someone who had multiple ultrasounds that said girl and only at a 37 week breech check scan they found out it was a boy all along, he's born now and yep, a boy, techs can definitely get it wrong. 
Edit to add- the extremely late 36 week ultrasound I got that I found out the gender for my husband's sake last time, the tech could only get a scrotum photo for me so maybe that's what yours gave you too? Holy cow though that's a blurry photo with a visible cord and nothing else! 

kalesix3

@potato3000 ugh that sounds like a literal nightmare, I hope your body gives you some early hints so you can be there at an air BNB or near the hospital well before active labor kicks in, wow I hope everything goes so smoothly for you. I've been complaining about 40 minutes but a 90 minute drive would kill me. You're extremely brave, I hope it goes wonderfully! 

@thescarletmom the no dreams part is so bizarre and sad because you've always been able to rely on them! I bet you'll get an extremely clear one right before your scan 😜 

@peyts228 that's so sad, I'm sorry, I hate the childcare crisis in this country, it's so unfair to make working parents deal with that kind of hassle, I hope you get a spot. Whenever I hear those kinds of things I'm so tempted to get back into nannying, but there's not much one person can do to truly make a difference when the system is so screwed up. 

hitcj4687

I am legit SOBBING right now. I spent the morning prepping beef stew in the crockpot. Bought a nice cut of meat for it, woke up early to set it this morning. Did all of this work to make this meal and then the breaker popped in the house and I forgot to turn the crockpot back on. Left for work and never thought about it. Just came home to a turned off crockpot so it's all just garbage because it's been sitting on the counter at room temp for 8 hours. What makes me the most angry is my husband was home ALL day and "didn't notice" 

kalesix3

Speaking of ultrasounds and genital pictures. You know how I told the tech I didn't want to keep my eyes closed the entire scan and if baby flashes us it's fine? Well she told me she has to take a genital picture and then she'll delete it again and won't write it in her report after she makes sure everything is formed perfectly. Right so she gets done with baby's lower half and tells me to use the restroom because emptying my bladder will help the baby stretch out so she can visualize the diaphragm, and she leaves the room and leaves this picture up on the monitor with a bunch of other organ photos, the picture was a shot from down below baby's legs and I know that because I've seen a ton of genital ultrasound photos on due date groups.. and I didn't see a penis either but I wasn't scrutinizing it that clearly because it wasn't a hyper zoomed in view, but when the tech came back in, she quietly deleted that picture without saying a word... I didn't think about it because I was just happy baby was alive and healthy but now it's driving me crazy. Maybe it was just a bad photo and she got a better shot and didn't need it so she deleted it and it wasn't the photo I think it was!? 
The thrill of speculating is my favorite so I don't really want to find out for SURE but dang now I'm just fixating on that dang picture. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Would I have seen a penis from not being super zoomed in? Can I trust what I saw? Did the white lines mean anything or were they three random white lines because ultrasounds are exclusively white lines lol.  I wish I could post it but I couldn't take a picture of the screen with the ultrasound in progress and I didn't want to be kicked out lol 😂 

thescarletmom

@potato3000 yikes I would want to camp out at the hospital the last few weeks 😱 best of luck!!

@kalesix3 I'm sure I'll wake up Thursday morning certain I know what it is (and be wrong lol). All the speculation was fun for a while but now I'm over it and I just want to know!! earlier in this pregnancy I was like ya know, I'm not even that worried about finding out the sex, I could easily be team green this time. 6 weeks later I no longer feel that way haha.

I feel generally confident in reading ultrasounds *while they're happening* because of the context, but when they're done, I'm suddenly illiterate. I wouldn't trust myself at all to look at an ultrasound photo later on and know what it was if I didn't specifically remember them taking the photo. 

@hitcj4687 that is the absolute worst I am so sorry 😥

kalesix3

@thescarletmom I don't know, your intuition has been spot on with your two boys, I bet you'll know exactly what you're having! You're so close! 
I feel like this time I'm more curious than I was with my son, I think I was too busy hoping it would be a living baby and this time I'm more curious overall. 

thescarletmom

@kalesix3 I don't know why I don't feel like I can trust myself this time? It's strange. But hmm that's an interesting thought. This has been my least anxious pregnancy somehow, but I've also been less preoccupied with finding out the gender, etc. I think maybe for me with the other two, the anxiety made me need to know every little thing so (in my mind) I would have more control over the outcome. Always interesting how those things cause different experiences for different people! 

ReadyForaB

@kalesix3 @peyts228 @thescarletmom I did end up sending the scan to a girl I am friendly with who is an ultrasound tech and she marked it up for me.  I will attach the photo in the spoiler.  I feel much better now! 

 @kalesix3 Great willpower not snapping a photo while you were in the room without the tech haha. Also, I agree, I think this baby's skull looks so much like a boy and like DS1 did.  Oh well. 

She said that the blue arrow is pointing to the penis and the yellow to the scrotum. 

ReadyForaB

@hitcj4687 I totally can relate to this pain.  The power once went out when I had a roast in the crock pot and I was at work. I was devastated! Funny thing is, DH was home for some of that time as well! Men!!!!!!!!

thescarletmom

@hitcj4687 @ReadyForaB oh no 😱 honestly blows me away because I feel like I would big time notice if the smell of food wasnt wafting around my house. But I fully believe my husband would do the exact same and never check on it unless I asked. There was one time I had tried to make chicken noodle soup in the crockpot while newly postpartum with DS2. I made the mistake of using my good freezer egg noodles and adding them at the same time the recipe called for hard pasta egg noodles. The noodles disintegrated basically and when I went to check on it an hour before dinner would be ready, it was all a big pool of mush. I was so devastated. There's nothing like looking forward to a gooood crockpot meal and something going wrong.

kalesix3

@thescarletmom you probably just feel the pressure from what your family members want, whenever I get stressed about the in laws crappy behavior I start to lean boy I've noticed, because the stress just makes me uncomfortable. The reality is that they'll be crappy no matter what so I've been able to be a lot less stressed and unhappy about them and just focus on me and my family the past few months. At least until my partner dropped the bombshell on me yesterday that he wants to invite them out to help us move AND he wants to announce the baby to them today and the old anxiety immediately rekindled. 

@hitcj4687 oh noooo that's the worst and your husband didn't even notice either, ugh, I would cry too, I'm so sorry! 

@ReadyForaB omg the translated picture makes so much more sense! I can totally see it clearer now, I wish the og tech had just waited for a non cord shot! 

thescarletmom

@kalesix3 ugh she's definitely gonna be shitty regardless 🙄 either it will be about how a boy is disappointing, or she'll be so excessively excited and talk about it being a girl constantly and how that's sooo great. I want no part of either. What I *need* to do is set a boundary and basically say, Look. We will tell you what we're having... only with the understanding that further discussion of the sex of the baby is off the table and not acceptable conversation. I don't want to keep it from our kids or family members who *aren't* shitty about it, but if we tell DS1 he will be too excited not to tell everyone and that's a big burden for a little guy. I know the only relative who makes the comments really hates causing drama or being in conflict, so if I'm like hey I don't want you to discuss this with me because it feels this way and bad, even if she disagrees with me or whatever, I know she won't say anything.

kalesix3

Ugh boundaries are hard @thescarletmom but I agree that's a really good one to set to protect yourself and your feelings as well as your boys feelings too! I hope you can do that and that she listens to you! Less stress and drama from family during pregnancy needs to become a social construct lol. It's ridiculous being so stressed out by the people who are supposed to care the most. 

hitcj4687

@thescarletmom that's equally upsetting! I've done stuff like that too where it's just not salvageable. And I'm always in charge of dinner so I'm always trying to simplify or be creative with easy meals and then I screw myself over doing dumb things like this.. lol.  Also 100% agree in setting that boundary, it's totally necessary.  I can't believe we're less than a week away from learning the sex of your baby! 

@ReadyForaB why can some men just be sooo inattentive!? I literally am stirring, tasting, checking all the time if I am home with a crockpot meal! How do you not notice!? 

@kalesix3 uuggghhhh that sounds exhausting for you!!! Im so sorry! Thats so stressful 

kalesix3

@hitcj4687 it's very stressful. Them helping us move is probably going to be a nightmare. I was hoping to tell them a little later too, I'm hoping since I'm currently not reading the group chat or talking to them that it won't stress me out too bad but if they come out to drive the moving truck I'm going to have to hear all the crappy remarks in person. The conversation last night with my partner didn't go very well, I'm tired of the disagreement about his parents, I wish we didn't have to deal with them. 
If we get a U-Haul that FIL drives, that takes care of how to move my plants cross country, plus it's cheaper, but we'd also be paying to park the U-Haul at a hotel for a week because there's a week of downtime before our move in date, and we'd also have to pay for a moving crew here and there to help load and unload because we're on the second floor at both homes and I can't carry heavy furniture. If we hired a moving company we'd just have to make sure the pickup and drop off dates lined up, we'd have to figure out another way to mail plants or transport them since we're going to be driving our car that doesn't have room for 60 houseplants, and then we'd have to pay about $6,000 which is more than we wanted to spend on movers. I'm torn because both have big pros and cons. Is it worth the extra three grand to not deal with in laws when them driving a U-Haul truck would save us some money and fix our plant transport problem? Anyways just spending all my brain cells trying to figure it out. 

thescarletmom

@kalesix3 ooof. Moving already blows, especially cross-country. I'm sorry you have all this to deal with too!I agree that there isn't an easy answer here, both are good and bad. I usually tend to err on the side of the evil I know versus the evil I don't (in this situation, the evil you know being your in laws, the evil you don't being your plants situation). Especially with 3 grand in the air. But at the same time, only you know which of those are a bigger deal/more stress for you. If you think there's a way to mitigate some of the stress of help from your in laws, maybe you can manage that. But if not, the extra money may be worth it to just have everything tied up neatly by movers. I'm sorry, I know that is probably not anything you don't already know! 

kalesix3

@thescarletmom no it's good to hear! The biggest pro of the movers was not dealing with the in laws but I told my partner if only FIL flies out to drive the truck and goes right back home again I'll be fine, what I don't want is the two of them acting like it's their personal vacation inviting themselves to stay in our home and constantly making size comments about my belly and mil telling me I have diabetes because she's fatphobic, stressing out Benedict and trying to take him out of my sight. Like I can put up with just FIL for a few hours for two days tops, so hopefully he'll just ask FIL to come out and he said he's going to be very stern and make sure they know they're not invited for a visit, only to help move. Idk I'm dreading it but it does solve a lot of our moving problems so that's how we're leaning. 

hitcj4687

@kalesix3 for me personally, I'd save the money and take the help even though it's far from ideal, but 3 grand is a lot however If it's going to be absolutely awful for your mental health, then can you really put a price on that??? My MIL stresses me out to a point of insanity and I could never handle her for more than a day straight, unless I absolutely HAD to. She lived with us for 9 months once and it was the worst 9 months of my life. Moving is stressful as hell no matter what, but what you're dealing with just makes it that much harder! Your husband absolutely has to set boundaries and stick to them If they come out 

kalesix3

@hitcj4687 yeah you can't put a price on salvaging your mental health! The moving company is $6,000 we already did the walkthrough for their estimate, I think 6k to avoid the in laws would be doable if the moving company took my houseplants and had a date that worked for us but getting a moving company to drop your stuff off in a specific move in date is impossible, we used a moving company when we moved out west from the east coast and we were without our stuff for three weeks. The really only pro to the moving company is no in laws but if I can limit contact with their toxic behavior and pay 3k less I guess that's a way better choice. As long as my partner sets strict boundaries I hope I can survive. It's going to be somewhat of a nightmare but fingers crossed I don't lose my sanity. I'm also REALLY hoping mil stays home, I cannot deal with her. 
You're so strong for living with your mil for 9 months, I couldn't do it. Especially pregnant I have zero tolerance, she makes me want to scream. I don't know how you survived, I hope you never have to go through that ever again! 

kalesix3

Two posts in a row because I'm just feeling so wordy lately, but I had a call with one of the midwives at my second choice of birth centers a little further away from where we're moving to and it was the nicest chat, I really connected with the midwife and the birth centers model of care is exactly the same as where I'm at now, I feel like I'll be in really good hands there and they're in network with my insurance which is a huge win. Still not jazzed about a 40 minute drive in labor but I really think I'll love it at this birth center and I feel really good about the decision, plus they work with an incredible hospital and have more emergency and newborn resuscitation equipment than even my birth center now has so that was really reassuring to me. One less stressful thing on my list! 

hitcj4687

@kalesix3 never in my life would we ever allow his mother to live with us again. It was a one time deal to get her out of a really nasty abusive situation but she took advantage of us and refused to find somewhere else to go until I wrote down a list of apartments for her to call and brought home moving boxes because I could not do it anymore. She is so stressful. I'm sorry you're dealing with so much stress right now but I am so grateful it sounds like you have a good place to go where you will receive proper care. 40 mins is probably less than ideal but if it means you get everything else you need, I think its worth it! 

francesgs

@kalesix3 I have a 43 minute drive to get to the hospital I am delivering in too.. there is a much closer one but I’ve been with this place for several years they know my history really well and I am just comfortable there. The 40 min drive while in labor is definitely not ideal but I think for me it’s worth it to be comfortable with the care we’ll be getting. So If you feel comfortable and connect with your caregiver I’d say it’s 100% worth it. 

pttomato

I can’t figure out what to do about plans we have now. My only activity restrictions are nothing strenuous, not lifting anything heavy, including DS, and no sex. Like we were supposed to do tidepools today, zoo tomorrow, camping next weekend and first weekend of March. I feel like I should probably cancel all of these, because I would feel really guilty if something were to happen, but I also feel bad knowing how much DD is looking forward to our trips, and the MFM didn’t think I was at high risk for actually delivering early. Ugh, I don’t know how much to worry, and there is still so many months to go.

thescarletmom

@pttomato can you ask for your MFMs advice on those activities? I don't know about tidepools, but I wouldn't consider the zoo "strenuous", nor camping as long as you're not hiking or doing any of the lifting, which you clearly have restrictions on. 

pttomato

@thescarletmom I am going to discuss it more with them. Our zoo is really large and hilly and I’m not sure if that much walking is ok. My husband doesn’t camp, so I do all the carrying, set up, take down. I wouldn’t normally consider it “strenuous,” but last time my cervix was very short like this I was in the hospital on strict bedrest (only get up to use the bathroom) so despite the MFM’s reassurances that I went to term last time so I’m not really at risk for preterm labor I feel so nervous to keep up my regular activity. Especially since my cervix shortened by over 2.5 cm in the last 2 weeks.

thescarletmom

@pttomato I think talking more with them is the right call if you're still nervous! If they're still okay with it, and assure you it's all fine, then that's great! And you can still choose *not* to go if you're not comfortable, but at least you'll know what your provider thinks is reasonable and safe.

kalesix3

@pttomato man that would drive me absolutely nuts, I know some providers never recommend bedrest even with previous knowledge of it helping because they maintain a stance that bedrest will never help, either you'll go into preterm labor or you won't and there's nothing you can do about it and It makes me curious if your MFM are one of those practices because the logic of "well last time you were on strict bedrest and went full term, so this time just go about your day normally" doesn't really make sense. You likely went full term because of the pelvic rest. What a hard situation, if I was you I probably wouldn't go but it's heartbreaking to cancel plans for children so I understand where you're at. 

@hitcj4687 that kind of situation is what makes you the better person, you were kind and gave her a chance so it's her own fault if you never offer again. 
Yes I agree having somewhere I'm safe and comfortable and just vibe with the environment is huge so if it means an extra 10 minutes in the car I think I can do it. 

@francesgs exactly! There's a hospital much closer to our new place but I've heard so many bad things I definitely am feeling more at peace with a longer drive where I'm comfortable. I'm actually excited to go take a tour and not dreading the transfer anymore so %100 worth it, I hope both our labors give us enough time to make it! 

pttomato

@kalesix3 Yeah, I pointed out that maybe I made it to term because at least one of the interventions they did worked, and he basically said that those probably didn’t actually do anything. Which I know the research generally backs up, studies on bedrest don’t show that it helps and most of the other meds have only been shown to delay labor for a day or two. I am starting progesterone and will have weekly monitoring. I don’t really want to do long-term full hospital bedrest unless it’s truly necessary, it’s really hard on the other kids. There’s just so many weeks to go until we even get to viability, the anxiety is going to be rough. This is a big part of the reason we were trying to prevent pregnancy…

thescarletmom

I don't think anybody else on this board has mentioned that they're co-parenting...but I'm going to lose my mind. We (DH & I) bought DS1 (6.5) a switch lite for christmas. We operate under the understanding that anything that belongs to DS1 (his toys, clothes, etc.), he's free to take to his dad's house on the weekends. We have parental controls set on his switch during the week that limit how long he can play, and keep him from purchasing anything within his games. However, to keep from stepping on DS1's dad's toes, we didn't set a time limit for the weekends since you can't disable it without a password, which only DH and I have. Well, DH just got a notification that the password on DS1's switch was entered incorrectly, so he went to go see what it was. And the first thing he sees when he opens the app is that DS1 has spent 5 hours on his switch today 😵‍💫 and 4 hours yesterday. He didn't play it at all at our house, and he didn't get dropped off to his in dad's until after 2pm yesterday, so that tells me he basically did nothing but play on his switch all day once he got there. He only gets 45 minutes/day while he's at home. I'm so pissed. I didn't think we needed to have a talk with the GROWN ADULT about how much screen time is appropriate for a 6 year old. He's always been immature and irresponsible, but this feels so beyond. I know his dad isn't sick and this is just out of survival, because he also texted me earlier to say he was taking DS1 to get his hair cut today (which he did without asking first, and DS1 has shoulder length curly hair that his dad is always pressuring him to cut, even though he doesn't want to 🙄). I don't know how to address this with him, and the fact that we know, without literally blowing up. 

kalesix3

@thescarletmom maybe he needs to be blown up at? I'm obviously not sure if there would be repercussions to that but if he's going to act like an incompetent adult it sounds like he needs a lecture and some boundaries set. Sorry you're going through this. 

kalesix3

@pttomato that sounds like a rock and a hard place, I'm so sorry 😩 maybe just pare down your activity list a ton and rest in the fact that a cancelled camping trip is better than a long-term hospital stay? 

hitcj4687

@thescarletmom I don't technically co-parent. Reeses bio dad sees him once a month for one hour (if he shows up) but if reese actually had to go to his house, I honestly don't know what I'd do with myself.  I can only imagine how hard that is for you especially when you don't see eye to eye on things and when what he's doing is stupid. That much screen time is something that Definitely shouldn't be regular especially if he doesn't see him all the time. I would try to address it that you noticed and would love to stay consistent on what's allowed for screen time so that you can be on the same page. As far as the haircut goes, it would be a hard no for me. That's not something he should be able to choose for your guys child. Your child can make that decision as the whether his hair gets cut or not. That's not harming anybody and there's no reason for that at all. 

@pttomato I can only imagine how stressful it is to make these decisions and try to do what's best for baby and you, but also keeping your other children in mind too. I really hope you can try to take it easy but find some sort of compromise to make some of the things happen you had planned while also trying to relax as much as you can 

kalesix3

Well guess who invited themselves for a visit without our permission and with zero consideration for one of the most stressful times in our life?!? That's right, the world worst in laws. Despite me repeatedly going over the boundary that they may not come for a visit, apparently MIL just decided for us that she's taking off work and coming to visit despite not discussing it with us all when our move in date is still up in the air. I'm already so sick of this situation and there's a whole month left to go. 😵‍💫 
Guess they'll show up super early and just bother the sanity out of all of us and our moving crew while we're trying to load the truck, and probably make the drive as miserable as possible and then try to stay for weeks after we move in. I really hate their toxic behavior so much.