January Randoms

kalesix3

Happy New Year everyone! Our randoms have been a little quiet with the holidays so I thought I'd give a monthly random thread a try, we can go back to weekly or biweekly if we want to. 

thescarletmom

The holidays always make me such a lurker on my bmb, but I'm really grateful that this is my first holiday season where I'm in my second trimester! With DS1 I was first tri, and third tri with DS2. So it's been way easier to keep up with the go go go the last month of busyness! I've been busy with deep cleaning room by room of our house, but it seems like we may not end up being in this house at babytime. It's all very up in the air at the moment, so I'm not counting on anything and am focused on getting *this* house ready and will plan to pay cleaners to deep clean before moving in to a new place if we do.

hitcj4687

We have had our son in the guest room for like 3 years now, while we have been slacking on redoing the master bedroom. It needs to be drywalled, painted, etc and we have been putting it off for so long and sleeping in our sons room in the meantime. Now with baby coming, my husband is prioritizing the master to get our son back in his room to get the baby into the used to be guest room. Once everyone is in their respective rooms, we need to clean out our garage and basement and totally declutter this house. It's been this huge project we have been putting off for so long and I just cannot wait for it to be done. I feel like it'll be a big boost in motivation to have a finished house because every time I try to clean or organize it just feels like a waste of my time. Super long post, but there's my random post contribution 😂 sometimes I wish we could just pay someone to finish the house but it would be a huge expense for something my husband can do. I just feel bad putting so much work on him. 

thescarletmom

@hitcj4687 there's nothing that kills my motivation to clean/organize like knowing there's something else that needs to be done in a space 😂 why clean the living room when the Christmas tree still hasn't come down yet? (And can't until I take an artsy pregnancy bump photo in front of it)

hitcj4687

@thescarletmom seriously! Like the room our son is in right now is tiny and his stuff is all just cluttered about and I keep going back and forth about why I even bother trying to keep any rhyme or reason in his room when he will be moving back into his actual room in a month or two. 

annemarie96

@hitcj4687 I’m also really feeling the clutter closing in around me. I think maybe it’s actually a sort of nesting because today I decided I MUST transition my boys into the next size, which happens like every 3 months because they’re different sizes in shirts/pants so I’m just constantly going through things. But the last couple times I just threw the “too small” clothing in a pile in their empty closet and it had gotten ridiculously disorganized. 

I suddenly realized how much I have to organize before baby girl comes and almost frantically organized every bit of children’s clothing we own. Which is a TON. Labeled it all, put it into real totes in the basement that actually stack, etc. Instead of old diaper boxes all toppling over. 

It feels SO good but my entire house is filthy because I haven’t actually cleaned all day and my kids were little tornadoes. Agh
Theres so much to dooooooo 😭
I don’t even know where any of baby girls clothing will be stored when she gets here. She won’t have her own room for at least two years probably and I need to get rid of everything unnecessary in the entire house and I’m losing my mind a little thinking about it!!

thescarletmom

@annemarie96 oh my goodness, the need to get rid of every unnecessary thing. SAME. Our 880 sq ft, 2 bed house is *stuffed* (thankfully we at least have a decent sized shed). I've been deep cleaning and throwing so much stuff away as I go, and I know this is only just the beginning of my purge. We had trash amnesty in our city the week of Christmas and we put out SIX of the huge trash bags (our normal weekly trash is 1 big and 1 small, tops 2 big) because I just threw away so much kitchen stuff we don't use, bath products we were gifted and haven't used in years, broken toys, etc. I even scheduled a large item pickup for some furniture to get out of our house. But jeez it is so much to do.

hitcj4687

My problem is I seem to think I should be compensated for all the stuff I want to get rid of and I keep making these "to sell" piles and it drives my husband crazy. He's like, "you cannot put a price on comfort and we are not comfortable with all this clutter" 😂😂😂

pttomato

I have so much to declutter. I’m also torn over how much kid stuff to keep for the baby vs getting rid of things my kids aren’t using anymore. 

At some point I have to decide whether to have DD and DS share a room so we have a nursery, or keep the baby in our room until she’s older and then have her share with DD. At what age is it weird for opposite sex kids to share a room?

kalesix3

Solidarity with all of you on the organization front but you can't in the face of moving or switching rooms. It's a mess, @thescarletmom I have my fingers crossed you guys do get to move somewhere bigger! 
I still don't know where we are going to be. We had our realtor scout us out a place yesterday but it wasn't great and my partner truly finds any little thing to disagree with and pick apart 😩 
We are looking at apartments in two different states and houses in one, it seems impossible. I wish there was an option that wasn't 2+ grand a month. 

hitcj4687

@pttomato my brother and I had our own rooms when our parents were married but when they got divorced we shared a room at both of their houses. We actually really liked it! We shared until we were 8 and 6 and then moved to a house where we had our own rooms, but we would often sneak into each other's rooms at night because we were scared or we would just have sleep overs lol. So we easily could have continued sharing a room until I was maybe 10 and he was 8?? 

@kalesix3 the struggle is sooo real with these high mortgages/rent. We have contemplated selling and finding a move in ready, bigger house but then we look at what we'd be paying and it's just like, nah... can't do it. I really hope you can find something perfect 

pttomato

The real estate market sucks here too. If we wanted to stay in the same area to keep DD in the same school, to buy a house right now would more than double what we pay in rent. Even another rental would be significantly more per month, even if we could even find one in this area.

hitcj4687

Currently feeling sorry for myself. I'm at my son's first basketball practice which is an hour and a half long and there are no chairs. I'm stuck sitting on the floor and I am so uncomfortable!

kalesix3

@hitcj4687 right? It's such a bad place right now with housing everywhere it seems like. Somedays I just pull up middle of nowhere Nebraska on my phone and make myself feel better about a single cheap house left 😅
Also oh no that's awful! They should have chairs what the heck 😫

kalesix3

@pttomato right? When we moved here we moved into an area where everything was in budget and we had our pick of cheaper and more expensive but now when we look everything is more expensive and it's such a weird experience how bad it's gotten in just four years. 

hitcj4687

I made it to the gym twice this week! A mile and a half on the treadmill both days and today I also got an arm workout in. It felt incredible.  I'm starting to feel more and more like myself. 

peyts228

I just noticed that my visit summary from my last prenatal appt lists my condition as "elderly multigravida," AKA this old lady is pregnant again. I'm 35! 🤣

ReadyForaB

@peyts228 haha.  I laughed out loud at that.  I too am 35 and it is so funny how they suddenly make us feel so old.  I know so many women older than me poppin out babies though.  go us!

kalesix3

@peyts228 that's so unfair! 35 is nowhere near elderly 🤦🏻‍♀️ in my TTC group only one other person besides me was in their twenties, everyone else was 38 and older. It's so common now to have babies later in life I wish they'd change their antiquated language! 

monkey_mcfee

@peyts228 I’m lucky that somewhere in listed as “advanced maternal age,” but my doctor was like “yeah, but in Connecticut you’re pretty much right on track!” And she hasn’t mentioned it since, except to say I’ll be getting scans more frequently. 

peyts228

@monkey_mcfee same, where I live and in my circle it's totally normal to be pregnant at my age. It comes in handy for insurance coverage, too!

For my other AMA ladies, there's a hilarious song from the show Girls5Eva called "New York Moms" that's will make you laugh!

hitcj4687

Who am I!?!? I just deep cleaned my whole house! Now that's a great feeling. First day in months I've had true energy 

kalesix3

@hitcj4687 thats incredible!! 

hitcj4687

@kalesix3 and today I'm eating junk food and laying in bed binging Netflix... sooo, balance??

thescarletmom

@hitcj4687 yay for some energy! All about balance. 

Today DH took DS1 to Main Event (indoor arcade sort of situation, plus laser tag and bowling, etc.) for a scouting thing. I guess when they got there, DH was telling him a story from literally a decade ago when he went with a friend and got a rubber duck that still sits in the dash of his car today. DS1 was grilling him on why he "didn't have a wife" and came "all alone" (again, DH said he went with a friend 😂). Basically shaded him real hard and it's quite funny to me. Kids get hung up on the silliest things, considering plenty of people in his life are unmarried adults.

kalesix3

I don't know if I'm low on iron or just need extra vitamins but lately I can't get enough of pregnancy tea, I normally drink a quart a day but I'm craving it constantly right now 😵‍💫 all the ice cold herb flavors with a slight amount of bitterness from dandelion, I sound like a nutcase but I'm obsessed lol. Good thing it's good for me, I'd rather crave herbs than Skittles for weeks on end 😅

ReadyForaB

@kalesix3 oooo that sounds good.  What kind do you use?

thescarletmom

Getting ready to go to a birthday party tonight for DS1's "aunt". She's his dad's (not DH) little sister and is only six months older than DS1, so it feels funny to call her that still! I still have a fairly good relationship with my ex's mom (she reached out and offered to take DS1 for a day when DS2 was first born so DH and I could rest! Very sweet and thoughtful) and I think at this point I might see her more than my ex does. Sometimes it feels a little strange but I really value DS1 being able to still see both sides of his family together sometimes and not always having us be separate parts of his life.

peyts228

I'm so relieved, my university system just announced a new, much more generous parental leave policy effective 2023! Our coverage was not great before, and I had used up all of my PTO reserves after my son's birth, so the new policy just alleviated a lot of stress!

hitcj4687

I got "yelled" at for how much weight I've gained today. 20 pounds.. I tried to explain a huge part of that is my body just malfunctioning due to not having a thyroid. Part of it has been shit eating and I know that, but it's not as bad as what the scale shows and I've been right back to my workout routine so I am truly doing my best here. But now I'm feeling sorry for myself 

ReadyForaB

@hitcj4687 Ugh!!!! My doctor with my last pregnancy used to scold me for my weight at almost every appointment.  I dreaded it.  Today I went in for my second OB appt. this pregnancy and I did not want to get on the scale.  I gained about 11.  My doctor didn't say a word.  Whew!!!  Props to you for keeping up with working out.  I really need to get back into it. 

hitcj4687

@ReadyForaB I gain so much weight in my pregnancies, it's terrible. I know it's largely due to hormone issues but God it's frustrating! And then to be scolded and told to "lay off the carbs and junk food". Thanks, I hadn't thought of that 🙄

thescarletmom

@hitcj4687 thats so upsetting, it's nobody's job (or right) to make you feel bad about yourself, whether or not they're a healthcare provider. That's super fatphobic and ignorant of the fact that you literally have no thyroid to manage your hormones?? You literally cannot tell how many carbs/junk foods someone is eating by how much they weigh or gain. And honestly by halfway through your pregnancy, that's only like 5 lbs above what's supposed to be normal weight gain, isn't it?

hitcj4687

@thescarletmom I explained that I actually don't eat that terribly, I have my days, but that first of all they weighed me with boots and a bulky sweater on and she's like "well that doesn't account for the big jump from your last appt" okay. Well, my thyroid levels aren't exactly where they should be right now and my body has a hard time regulating things. I'm just doing my best. I gained 75 pounds with Reese and lost it all after I had him. My body does weird things when I'm pregnant! So 20 pounds in comparison is not that bad... I'm really trying to keep a handle on things but some of it is just out of my control 

thescarletmom

@hitcj4687 you're clearly trying very hard against some difficult circumstances, and that deserves understanding and grace, not a lecture.

kalesix3

@hitcj4687 I'm so sad for you, that should never have happened and especially with a provider who knows your thyroid is struggling. That makes me so mad. 
Weight gain is hard for all of us. I gained 8 pounds I found out at my appointment yesterday and I'm so sad, I only gained 12 pounds with my last pregnancy so I know I'm going to go over that this time and it sucks, providers really should have an ounce of compassion, it's not like you wanted to gain 20 pounds and yelling at you isn't going to help. Ugh. 

kalesix3

Also random sad of my own but I reached out in a group where I'm moving to and asked about birth centers in the area and recommendations/experience etc and I had my first case of a homebirth midwife completely shaming me and telling me that a birth center is a homebirth too so why don't I just have a homebirth in the first place. Maybe birth centers are different in the other state but where I'm at here the centers have emergency drills with first responders as well as having a ton of higher level emergency equipment that homebirth midwives aren't qualified to use even though they legally can carry it. Ugh. 

hitcj4687

I guess it's just an all around day for shit comments from people, huh? I'm sorry @kalesix3 that's not helpful for you when you're already stressed about the move and changing care etc.  

thescarletmom

@kalesix3 if you wanted a homebirth, you'd be asking for that information, period. But ya didn't! I literally cannot fathom saying a birth in any other setting is the same as a homebirth, because that's against the point of the differences inherent in each birth setting? I honestly can't say I know much about how birth centers operate in my area, I've never looked in to it. But you're obviously going to have a different experience there than at home, for any number of reasons. Only you can weigh those pros and cons for yourself, and pros to one person may be cons to another. However, I will say midwife qualifications are far from standardized (which is a huge problem, don't get me wrong) and I wouldn't necessarily make broad statements about whether or not they are qualified if they are capable of carrying it. My midwife was an EMT for decades before taking her CNM certification courses, and has delivered over a thousand babies in 15+ years as a licensed midwife. 

kalesix3

@hitcj4687 supremely unhelpful and rude which is a vibe I've found a ton among homebirth midwives, I don't need the holier than thou attitude and especially not right now 🤦🏻‍♀️ 

@thescarletmom well yes plus I had already told her I was only interested in birth centers, and she had to clap back with "I don't know if you're aware but birth centers are just someone else's house". Parts of that may be true like maybe birth center and homebirth midwives all get equal hospital privileges there? But I've never come across a homebirth midwife who carries nitrous oxide and birth centers in my state and this state have it so that at least is different as well as birth centers having a completely different set of guidelines and state mandated regulations they follow that homebirth midwives either don't have to or skirt around if they do. Plus my insurance doesn't cover homebirth and it does cover birth centers so that alone is different than "someone else's house". 
It's just irritating. 

thescarletmom

@kalesix3 it's definitely no one's place to pressure you into any type of birth you aren't interested, especially when you've explicitly made yourself clear that you're uninterested. Not up to her, or anyone else, to "change your mind". Also, someone else's house?? I'd never homebirth in "someone else's house" so why, if that even makes sense (which it doesn't), would that be something compelling to say? She does sound extremely irritating. Not sure how someone would think that they're giving a good sales pitch by acting that way? That type of behavior and attitude is exactly what drives most women who choose to homebirth away from hospital birth.