@thescarletmom seriously! It's so ridiculous. I've run across people who think that way before, they have this polar opposites mindset where you're either for them -homebirth, or you're against them-hospital birth, and they think that birth center clients are lukewarm and just won't commit. They miss the whole point of birth which is being in an environment you feel safe in so oxytocin can do it's thing, and for me that's a birth center. Eventually when I pressed her she admitted that her statement about midwives carry their own equipment into a birth center or someone's house was only about direct entry midwives 🥴 like ookay? I wasn't asking about direct entry midwives, I asked about experiences at birth centers. 🤦🏻♀️
@kalesix3 exaaactly! I learned with DS1 that environment and who was present effected my labor immensely. The body will literally avoid going in to labor if you aren't comfortable and feeling safe. And even if it didn't, you *deserve* to feel safe and have exactly the birth *you* want. And it is lame for anybody to question you on that or try and make you second guess. Also, categorically probably the most hated thing in all of parenthood to get advice you *didn't ask for*. Definitely includes unwanted opinions on decisions made for labor and birth 🙄
The other paralegal I work with has a daughter in law who's pregnant and due in June as well. She had her anatomy scan today and found out her baby died 🥺 I feel so terrible for her family (plus very anxious for my own scan next week) and am going to ask my coworker if I can send them a gift card for a meal or anything to help. Ugh it's so awful and I wish there was anything to do that could make it any less awful, but there just isnt.
@thescarletmom oof that's terrible, now my anxiety is heightened too. The meal train we had in the past helped so much and meant so much to us, I'm sure she'll appreciate the gesture 🤍
@kalesix3 I guess the good? (not really the word I'm looking for but it helped me feel a little less anxious) news **TW** is that she had had a feeling something was wrong for a few weeks. This is her fourth baby and she was 18/19w as well and hadn't felt the baby move at all so she was suspicious. It doesn't make it less terrible or devastating, but I feel less anxiety for my own pregnancy knowing that 1. I felt the baby move today and 2. I don't have any gut feeling there is something truly wrong, just typical (for me) anxiety. It helps me to not spiral when I can see less of myself in a situation.
@thescarletmom same, I'm feeling baby so often now and kicks I can see from the outside, but I still gaslight myself about it and I know movement doesn't mean anything will be okay forever. Ugh how devastating for her and her family.
@ReadyForaB omg I feel you, I have all my fingers crossed it goes well for you and you have a perfect healthy baby in there. Mine is in 4 hours and I'm so anxious I'm just stressed cleaning everything. Last time I had the first appointment of the day and got up at the crack of dawn to make it so I didn't have as much time to stress but this time I just have ample opportunity to spiral. 🤦🏻♀️ To make matters worse yet another winter storm is rolling in, I just hope I beat it there and back because when storms blow up there's usually a travel advisory. Ugh. So. Stressed.
@kalesix3 ughhh!!! Good luck and all the things cross for you too! I came to work today I am just leaving early. Really really regret that decision as I have barely gotten anything done. Although, being home to think about it probably would've been worse. Hope the storm doesn't mess with your plans!
TTC History:
Started dating DH 2006 . Married 2015
TTC July 2015-November 2015
BFP November 2015 Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021 MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
@ReadyForaB that's okay, you're not a corporate robot, it's okay to have less productive days especially considering the circumstances! Being at home all up in my thoughts is miserable so you were onto something by going into the office. Thank you I hope it doesn't either, that's the last thing I need.
Wanting to crowdsource some thoughts. And I want to preface this by saying, don't agree with me just because I'm the one in the group 😂 I think my husband has some valid points, I'm just not sure how to combine them and thought maybe someone will have some brilliant idea we can't think of. Here's the sitch, and please bare with me, it is long:
DS2s 3rd birthday is in 2 months. DS1s 7th birthday is 6 weeks after baby is due, in late July. DS2 doesn't go to daycare and we don't have any friends with kids his age at all, and my siblings with kids live out of town. He LOVES playing with other kids though and has a great time the rare opportunities he has, mostly because of DS1s connections. So I was looking in to what to do for DS2s party, and we just recently went to a place called Fun Run that's basically an indoor obstacle course, bouncy house, etc. kind of thing for a birthday party. He had loved it, so I looked into it. But then I started thinking about how he doesn't really have any kid friends, adults without kids aren't really allowed in except for parties for safety, and I don't want to pay $200 for a party bundle for 15 kids knowing there will be like 5 tops including mine. Then I was thinking about how my last postpartum period was a lot harder than I was expecting, harder than with DS1. And realized I am really not going to want to plan out and put together a big school friends party for DS1 6 weeks pp, especially because last year it was such a pain getting people to show up during the summer time. So I suggested to DH we invite DS1s school friends to DS2s party to fill out the kids admissions, and make up for the fact that I would rather not do a friends party for DS1 over the summer.
DH agrees and is on board that it would be good to have other kids at DS2s party and that he would love it. But his big hold up is that he (and I agree this is important) wants the kids individual birthdays to be about them alone, specially for them, and not set a standard of DS2s party being about DS1 or vice versa.
My perspective is that I feel like 1. DS1s friends coming won't make him necessarily think the party is about him if we in every other way bill it as DS2s party. 2. I'm worried DS1 is going to get the way shorter end of the birthday stick this year with his day so soon after baby. 3. I think DS1 is far more likely to remember this year's parties, for good or bad, than DS2 is.
If we did this, the boys would each still have their own special day on their birthdays where they pick dinner and going to the zoo or park, etc. DH still has reservations about the idea of the party being "joint" though. Any thoughts on a way we could make it feel more distinctly *about* DS2 while still having plenty of kids in attendance to play?
@thescarletmom My kids would probably like that joint party, but I know DD (turns 7 in August) would end up wanting another party by her birthday, doing it so early and around DS’s birthday would probably make it feel like it wasn’t her “real birthday party” to her.
We have friends that always do joint parties because the kids have birthdays close together and it works out fine though.
@pttomato we know that we want our kids to feel their birthdays are separate and special for them (I am one of 7 kids and joint parties didn't make me personally feel good, though I know they are great for others), and that will be even more true when baby comes and their birthdays are in back to back months. But DS1 would definitely feel like your DD and still want a party in July. Which for me is the plan, I just don't want to hassle with the school friends, and I know he'll be upset if we don't make up for that in some way. Which lead to the thought to invite his friends to DS2s party. To me they're still separate parties, DH is just worried they won't feel very separate and maybe DS1 would make the party about him or DS2 would feel overshadowed (which isn't totally unreasonable, I just don't know if I think that's what would actually happen, especially if we sat down with DS1 and explained it to him).
@thescarletmom one single time in extenuating circumstances like a brand new baby isn't setting an unfair precedent in my opinion, it's one single joint birthday to make things easier for you especially since it sounds like you're doing the majority of the heavy lifting with all the birthdays/holidays in your house. Never giving either of your boys their own birthday would be sucky but that's not at all what you're doing.
@kalesix3 i have a similar perspective of this year just being one of those times we need to flexible. I can tell DH is just trying to look out for the best interest of the kids feelings, and I can appreciate that. And I am also definitely a part of my own problem, a huge control freak when it comes to parties and holidays and stuff 😬 and I just know I won't be able to release control of that without a lot of anxiety and just don't want to deal (healthy I know right haha).
We plan to discuss in person tonight (we've exclusively had the conversation via text while I'm at work) and I think we'll be able to either make it workable for both of us, whether it's this exact idea or something else.
@thescarletmom I hope the discussion goes well, some flexibility never hurt anyone, I'm extremely sensitive and hardcore about letting children be individuals and even as dogmatic as I am I think one joint bounce house party will be so fun, it's good for children to grow up playing with and seeing a variety of ages around them, it's helps socialization too so yeah my vote is it's not going to land either child in therapy for a one time deal and who knows, maybe it will be the party they talk about for years to come!
And thank you. I'm just waiting for the Dr to go over everything with me, a bundle of nerves as usual. Is it taking so long because it's bad news type of anxiety. I've been waiting 50 minutes though so not completely unreasonable of me to worry. Gah.
@kalesix3 ooof, 50 minutes is a long time. I wish that there was more sensitivity to these kinds of things, I can't imagine why offices so often end up making people wait forever just to get confirmation the scan looked good. Sooo many people have had losses and an hour's worth of panic spiral because you're behind schedule is so frustrating. Hopefully they review with you soon, I'm sure everything is perfect 🩶
@thescarletmom they double booked with the storm rolling in tonight and the next few days supposedly we're getting a minimum 12 inches. It's annoying but at least they were super communicative about the wait. I finally saw the Dr and everything is okay!
Our scan was also all clear and we found out we’re having another little boy!!! My intuition was wrong! We are over the moon. The only issue (if you even call it that) is that he is measuring six days ahead. The doctor joking (?) told me to lay off the sweets. 😂 They released me completely from MFM.
TTC History:
Started dating DH 2006 . Married 2015
TTC July 2015-November 2015
BFP November 2015 Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021 MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
@ReadyForaB congrats on a clear scan!! Now maybe I'm biased because *I* also have two boys and your DS1 is the same age as mine, but I totally thought boy for you! When I first read your post in the baby name thread about Elle I thought to myself "isn't her baby a boy??" before remembering you didn't know yet!
@thescarletmom okay but what do you think my baby is? For some reason I thought @ReadyForaB that you were having a boy too, your baby's heart rate today was the same as mine, maybe my intuition is wrong too! We'll see the further along I get I guess!
@kalesix3 fuzzy 😂 I feel like I flop back and forth. Buuuut I think I would say 60/40 towards girl. So I'm not confident... but if I had to choose that's what I'd say.
@thescarletmom that's so fun! There was a very brief part of my pregnancy with my son where I thought he was a girl and it was right at the beginning of my pregnancy so being wrong this far along would be new for me but that's not totally unexpected being my third. I'm excited to see what my intuition tells me over the next 20 weeks and whether this is the time both the Chinese gender charts and my dreams are wrong 😅 now I'm just going to be anxiously waiting for you to get your scan!!
@thescarletmom your intuition was better than mine haha! Excited to rock the boy mom role for life.
@kalesix3 Baby's HR of 150 at my scan was the lowest the doctor has ever clocked it, it is usually in the 160s. So much for the higher HR, its a girl myth haha.
TTC History:
Started dating DH 2006 . Married 2015
TTC July 2015-November 2015
BFP November 2015 Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021 MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
@ReadyForaB using all the intuition up on you guys instead of myself 😂 I loved having our two boys, and for the long while that we thought we wouldn't have any more, I was very content as a boy mom 🩵 my bond with both my sons is sooo special. I'd be content to stay a boy mom too!
@kalesix3 I feel like when I start to lean girl for myself is when I lean girl for you, and vice versa, but a little heavier girl for you usually? Like just a hair. It's funny trying to decipher the "vibes" haha.
Sorry I've been a little M.I.A. I've been staying off my phone and picking up a book lately and I'm seriously loving this book 😂 work has been hectic and I've been trying to also keep up with household things. @kalesix3 I'm starting to lean towards girl for you actually, @thescarletmom I'm still saying boy for you lol. @ReadyForaB congrats on a healthy baby boy!
@hitcj4687 I was just thinking about that and wonder if it changed! I feel like the heartbeat is giving me a doubt that I wouldn't have otherwise, but it's right in the middle of my last two babies so it could go either way truly.
@ReadyForaB I know you're only supposed to apply that logic in the third trimester but I can't help myself, myth or not 😂 I want to know awfully bad for someone who doesn't want to know 🤦🏻♀️
@thescarletmom I felt from the getgo that you were having a girl, but then it flipped and I'm not sure if it's just sympathy intuition because I know you'd like a boy or whether it's actually my intuition, it's so weird for me 🤦🏻♀️
Also I'm stressed today, I called the birth center I decided to try to go with at our new home, to see a few things like will they accept my insurance, will they accept me as a client and do I like the vibe etc which was a big step because I was so indecisive last week after getting stressed out by the one homebirth midwife and after all that the birth center staff I talked to seemed absolutely amazing but they have no availability for me. I completely took it for granted that my current birth center always works around the schedule to accommodate me and I just assumed that four months was plenty of time to get me on the schedule but no they can't take me on as a client at all. UGH. they said they'll put me on the wait-list but I only have 6 weeks before I need to find new care. I guess it's not wholly unexpected, like I'm moving to a new state at 27 weeks of course it's not going to be seamless but now I don't know what I can do as a plan B. I guess temporarily I could see a hospital midwife practice in town while I wait for an opening at the birth center... But I don't want to waste time at a hospital I don't even want to deliver at.. like I need enough time to get to know who the heck is even at the birth for this baby so I'd rather just get care where I'm delivering from the getgo and try to settle in and build some trust which I already struggle with. Sigh. I don't know what to do, sorry for the whining!
@kalesix3 that's not whining! That is STRESS. I would be equally going crazy with that decision on how to handle things. I don't even know what to suggest but I really hope you can come to the right decision for yourself ❤
@hitcj4687 thank you so much, I am extremely stressed, my partner is like just go to a hospital since it's closer but I don't want to make a choice that isn't what I want out of stress, that's how I hired my first midwife with my first labor and that had really devastating consequences so I want to avoid that. I called another birth center farther away that seems like it might be a good fit and they have availability and scheduled me a call with one of the midwives to ask questions and get a feel for the practice, but it's 40 minutes away and that's pretty far to drive with such short labors so it's not a great plan B. The hospital is 30 minutes though so not like in our back yard. I guess I'm going to hope the original birth center I wanted to go to will just have a few cancellations and can take me on as a client or that maybe I'll make peace with having a hospital birth this time instead.
@kalesix3 that sentiment is exactly why I feel like I have no intuition this time! Any time I wonder if I lean one way or the other, my brain instantly thinks it is connected to my preference (regardless of which sex 😂 either I think it's a boy because I want it to be, or I think it's a girl because I'm worried it will be and then "they'll win"). Clouded judgement, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to get past it enough to make a final guess before finding out. There's part of me that thinks baby might be a girl because I've found myself looking at baby things that are on the "boyish" side of neutral out of habit, then telling myself I have to wait to order anything because I'll be able to make different choices maybe.
I'm so bummed for you that your first choice isn't available 🥺 maybe the other birth center will turn out to be a really good fit, and if not, can be a doable replacement in the mean time while you wait. I personally don't think 10 minutes will be a game changer if you really want a birth center.
@kalesix3 you know what makes the gender thing even worse? The Chinese calendar (which I don't necessarily place a ton of stock in but was correct for the boys) doesn't have a good answer for me... because we're about 99% sure I conceived *on* my birthday, and if not, the day before it. And that age difference has a different answer 🤦♀️ and it feels so conflicting!!
@thescarletmom that's so unlucky and bizarre how it changes with just one day, talk about adding more confusion 😩 can you find your lunar age and check like that? It's not tied to birthdays and a lot of the more complicated gender charts go by lunar instead of calendar birthdays. I guess by the time you figure it all out you'll be that much closer to actually knowing though! The Chinese gender charts have always been right for me but I keep thinking of there's one time it will be wrong it's probably the third time lol. I definitely doubt myself too though, am I thinking it's a boy because my last baby was a boy and am I thinking it's a girl because my last baby wasn't a girl kind of thing, my partner thinks it's a girl but he says he doesn't know if it's just his brain taking turns with girl, boy, girl lol. The clouded judgement aspect is so hard though, I hope your intuition gives you a clear undeniable dream before your scan in a week 🤞🏻 Also thank you yes I'm really hoping something works out, 40 minutes on dead roads at 3 am would be doable, but 40 minutes in traffic isn't going to be a good idea 😩
@kalesix3 Hopefully you get off the waitlist for your first choice! People's birth plans change all the time, so it could happen!
We are dealing with waitlists of a different sort... My son's daycare, which we love, is completely booked for the infant room through 2024! Thankfully we will probably squeeze in as a returning family, but the lack of available childcare in CA is so frustrating. The fact that I had to book a spot for the new babe before I've even had my anatomy scan is mind-boggling to me.
@peyts228 We are dealing with the same issue! My DS has been with a center since he was 11 weeks old and they are unable to tell me if they have a spot for this babe bc the owner is on maternity leave. Why no one else was put in charge of that department is beyond me. Anywho, more than half the other places we called are already booked. We looked at a few so we don't end up screwed but haven't committed to anything yet. I started calling in December! So stressful!!!
TTC History:
Started dating DH 2006 . Married 2015
TTC July 2015-November 2015
BFP November 2015 Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021 MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
@kalesix3 right! Since the chart I looked at goes by due date and age at conception, it makes it tricky because theoretically I very reasonably could have conceived either day. TMI but I ovulated the day before my birthday (20th), and I know we had sex *on* my birthday (21st), but I don't think..? we did in the week leading up to it. So I'm preeeetty sure we conceived in the 24 hrs after ovulation, on the 21st. But if we had sex that I'm just forgetting about (completely possible) in the few days before, it could have been the 20th instead. So crazy 😂 and the difference between the two ages is the difference in boy (older age) or girl (younger). I haven't tried calculating lunar age or anything, I might play around with that!
I just feel like there are so many factors that may be influencing it, and I don't have any "I just feel it in my gut" feelings towards one. And NO dreams!! Which is what always guided me before. Ugh! One more week. We'll all cast our votes next Wednesday lol.
I totally get it, I wouldn't want to sit in 15 minutes drive worth of traffic while in labor! I'm hoping it all works out perfectly for you.
@ReadyForaB Fingers crossed that they have a spot for you! I so wish we had affordable, available child care like basically every other developed nation 🤦♀️
Re: January Randoms
@ReadyForaB I thought I replied earlier to your tea question, I'm sorry! I get mine from euphoric herbals but the bulk herb store has a good blend too when it's actually in stock!
https://www.euphoricherbals.com/collections/family-tea/products/wombenriched
Ugh how devastating for her and her family.
TTC July 2015-November 2015
Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021
MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
TTC Since March 2022
MMC June 2022
BFP September 2022 - Due June 2023!
To make matters worse yet another winter storm is rolling in, I just hope I beat it there and back because when storms blow up there's usually a travel advisory. Ugh. So. Stressed.
TTC July 2015-November 2015
Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021
MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
TTC Since March 2022
MMC June 2022
BFP September 2022 - Due June 2023!
Thank you I hope it doesn't either, that's the last thing I need.
My first pregnancy took place entirely over the 2020 lockdown, so I keep forgetting that I'm obviously preggo at work this time!
And thank you. I'm just waiting for the Dr to go over everything with me, a bundle of nerves as usual. Is it taking so long because it's bad news type of anxiety. I've been waiting 50 minutes though so not completely unreasonable of me to worry. Gah.
TTC July 2015-November 2015
Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021
MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
TTC Since March 2022
MMC June 2022
BFP September 2022 - Due June 2023!
For some reason I thought @ReadyForaB that you were having a boy too, your baby's heart rate today was the same as mine, maybe my intuition is wrong too! We'll see the further along I get I guess!
@kalesix3 Baby's HR of 150 at my scan was the lowest the doctor has ever clocked it, it is usually in the 160s. So much for the higher HR, its a girl myth haha.
TTC July 2015-November 2015
Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021
MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
TTC Since March 2022
MMC June 2022
BFP September 2022 - Due June 2023!
@ReadyForaB I know you're only supposed to apply that logic in the third trimester but I can't help myself, myth or not 😂
I want to know awfully bad for someone who doesn't want to know 🤦🏻♀️
@thescarletmom I felt from the getgo that you were having a girl, but then it flipped and I'm not sure if it's just sympathy intuition because I know you'd like a boy or whether it's actually my intuition, it's so weird for me 🤦🏻♀️
Also I'm stressed today, I called the birth center I decided to try to go with at our new home, to see a few things like will they accept my insurance, will they accept me as a client and do I like the vibe etc which was a big step because I was so indecisive last week after getting stressed out by the one homebirth midwife and after all that the birth center staff I talked to seemed absolutely amazing but they have no availability for me.
I completely took it for granted that my current birth center always works around the schedule to accommodate me and I just assumed that four months was plenty of time to get me on the schedule but no they can't take me on as a client at all. UGH. they said they'll put me on the wait-list but I only have 6 weeks before I need to find new care. I guess it's not wholly unexpected, like I'm moving to a new state at 27 weeks of course it's not going to be seamless but now I don't know what I can do as a plan B. I guess temporarily I could see a hospital midwife practice in town while I wait for an opening at the birth center... But I don't want to waste time at a hospital I don't even want to deliver at.. like I need enough time to get to know who the heck is even at the birth for this baby so I'd rather just get care where I'm delivering from the getgo and try to settle in and build some trust which I already struggle with. Sigh. I don't know what to do, sorry for the whining!
I called another birth center farther away that seems like it might be a good fit and they have availability and scheduled me a call with one of the midwives to ask questions and get a feel for the practice, but it's 40 minutes away and that's pretty far to drive with such short labors so it's not a great plan B. The hospital is 30 minutes though so not like in our back yard.
I guess I'm going to hope the original birth center I wanted to go to will just have a few cancellations and can take me on as a client or that maybe I'll make peace with having a hospital birth this time instead.
The Chinese gender charts have always been right for me but I keep thinking of there's one time it will be wrong it's probably the third time lol.
I definitely doubt myself too though, am I thinking it's a boy because my last baby was a boy and am I thinking it's a girl because my last baby wasn't a girl kind of thing, my partner thinks it's a girl but he says he doesn't know if it's just his brain taking turns with girl, boy, girl lol.
The clouded judgement aspect is so hard though, I hope your intuition gives you a clear undeniable dream before your scan in a week 🤞🏻
Also thank you yes I'm really hoping something works out, 40 minutes on dead roads at 3 am would be doable, but 40 minutes in traffic isn't going to be a good idea 😩
We are dealing with waitlists of a different sort... My son's daycare, which we love, is completely booked for the infant room through 2024! Thankfully we will probably squeeze in as a returning family, but the lack of available childcare in CA is so frustrating. The fact that I had to book a spot for the new babe before I've even had my anatomy scan is mind-boggling to me.
TTC July 2015-November 2015
Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021
MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
TTC Since March 2022
MMC June 2022
BFP September 2022 - Due June 2023!