@lilienne in an ideal world, I would want no men. But that's hard to accomplish - like 70% of the OBs here are dudes.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
@kboydbowman yeah, fair enough. Well, I'm going to guess from what you've said so far that the chance for a VBAC may be more important to you than avoiding a male surgeon. But if that guess is incorrect (or if you schedule a c-section at week 38 like you mentioned), you could always schedule the c-section for a date and time when you have a good shot at getting your preferred surgeon.
First time mom-to-be, due 9/25/22
Some complicated chromosomal stuff going on - our fingers are crossed, but this may not go according to plan!
@lilienne if I schedule it I'm almost guaranteed to get my OB.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
I am glad that @jhysmath brought up gentle c-sections. I've read up on it and I had no idea that those were things you'd have to specifically ask for. I also never considered that the way a c-section is performed could impact how you bond with your baby and the baby's outcomes. In general, I hadn't thought I'd need much of a birth plan - I kind of thought "the drs and nurses know the drill, they'll just do their thing and I'll go along with it". But now I'm realizing how important it is to have a sense of what's important to me and to communicate it effectively. So to everyone, what are some things that you will incorporate into your birth plan (for either vaginal or csection birth)?
a lot of mine (if vaginal) is centered around a firm belief that Pitocin is the devil.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
@bigworldlittleg for my planned c-section, I had monitors put on my back not my chest so I could do skin to skin. My ivs were put in my hand instead of arm so I could hold baby better. I asked to be able to breastfeed as soon as possible and that baby doesn't leave me unless it's an emergency. (1 of my coworkers was put in a recovery room without baby who was in her postpartum room with her husband, and she was told she couldn't go to that room and see her baby until she could move her legs which was hours later). I stated we didn't know the gender and my husband was to announce and cut the cord. They were awesome and went over all concerns I had.
My second the only real plan I had was get baby out by any means but c-section and that failed. I wasn't really prepared to go give birth even if I was 40 weeks pregnant. I assumed I'd be over due. I knew what I wanted, but ended up going against most of those wishes. Thoughts of a forceps delivery really scared me. In hindsight I wish I was more cognizant of what I was allowing and had a better plan lined out.
This time, I know I will make sure I get a spinal block and not an epidural if I end up with a c-section. The epidural c-section was so much more painful and able to feel compared to the spinal I had for my first. I also think I will have a plan for my husband written out so he knows what to suggest to me when I can't think. I feel I knew what I wanted in labor but my husband had no idea. He was not versed in what labor would look like and I kind of just assumed he knew everything I did. Start by having him work on his arm strength because I needed a lot of hip sqiuezes and he did not have the stamina for how much I needed.
@nb658310 The exhaustion was debilitating for me first trimester, and now it is manageable with a mid-day nap. I’m still really tired, but nothing like I was a few weeks ago. My nausea was never bad unless I was hungry or overly tired, which yeah that was basically all the time, but now it only comes around when I am aggressively hungry. Everyone is different though. I hope yours goes away soon!
To me, knowledge is power. It’s less-so what is your “plan” (newsflash: it’s unlikely that things will go according to plan) and more about “what are my options? Would I prefer option A vs B in situation C vs D?” So things like what are your pain management options? Are you fully for or against epidurals? Would you try something else first? Does your hospital/birthing Center have a tub for you to labour in? Is that even important to you? Do you want to try an exercise ball or a peanut ball? How often do you want to try new positions? Of course skin to skin is the best thing unless there’s an emergency and baby needs to be rushed away. I find Sarah’s videos very simple and to the point with a lot of pros and cons for each option, plus she’s very midwife and doula friendly despite being a nurse in a hospital setting.
Personally, I didn’t go in with a rigid plan and I’m so glad that I did that. I know way too many people that were very disappointed with their birth because their plan couldn’t be followed. I was open to the epidural (which I got), I changed positions a lot especially when pushing (cue 4 hrs of pushing 🥴), pitocin was unfortunately not avoidable (I was GBS positive, water broke, labour didn’t start all day) and really wanted to avoid a C-section which is why they allowed me to push for so long. Nurses didn’t ask me about skin to skin, they immediately plopped my son on my chest so I didn’t even have to say anything. In the end, I had a forcep delivery and needed an episiotomy but I’m glad I did because I avoided a lot of horrific tearing with long lasting effects.
thanks for the info! I’ve always thought about my plan being “get baby out safely, and keep me safe”. But it’s those little choices that it would be smart to at least consider ahead of time!
@melyrae and nothing wrong with just wanting baby out safely! That’s always #1. But there is a level of comfort when you know what’s going on around you and what the nurses are talking about or asking you about 😊
Thank you @kboydbowman@jhysmath and @newbabymama27 for sharing your thoughts and experiences! Re: Pitocin, I had no idea there were risks to it. Definitely something to be aware of in case they recommend induction.
And I totally agree with having things written out for my husband and communicating it to him ahead of time! A great idea. Can definitely see myself getting angry at him for not being able to read my mind hehe.
The YouTube suggestion is perfect! I will check that out
@bigworldlittleg yes he's bad at reading my mind. Great at advocating for what he knows I want, like telling the Dr who is about to end his shift to give me more time until my c-section so the next Dr can come in and evaluate.
@bigeworldlittleg It was really nice, my doula gave me an intake sheet and it does over many parts of labor and delivery, from pitocin to vitamin k, I get to write down on a scale how important certain things are to me and what I want to avoid. As a FTM its been so helpful to slowly go down the list and research and figure out exactly how I feel about certain procedures.
@mamamoomoo12 That sounds so helpful! Looks like there are birth plan templates online that I can use. Definitely worth it to take the time to research all the options and be informed!
@bigworldlittleg I'd recommend taking a look at the recommended reading thread. I got a lot out of Expecting Better, by Emily Oster and I just started on Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. There are a few reasons to think that my plan may not go smoothly! I'm trying hard to think through the steps that feel important to me, while understanding that I may need to change plans in a hurry if things don't go so well.
If I have my way, I'm leaning toward vaginal delivery with minimal intervention - ideally, no epidural, episiotomy, pitocin, etc. I would like to be able to move around, but I don't think I want to do a tub or anything like that. I'm trying to aim for quicker recovery if at all possible! I do plan to deliver in a hospital in case anything goes wrong. I think my local hospital offers nitrous, which sounds like it could be helpful for some degree of pain reduction. I know I want a birth doula with me and I think I want my husband with me, too. I'd like skin-to-skin as soon as possible, and I'd like to follow Emily Oster's recommendation with regards to waiting (or not) to cut the cord.
First time mom-to-be, due 9/25/22
Some complicated chromosomal stuff going on - our fingers are crossed, but this may not go according to plan!
Hi everyone - soo I had an appointment with my ob yesterday and my heart rate was super high (138, which also matched the baby’s heart rate 😳) and my blood pressure wasn’t super high but getting there to the point they sent me home with a blood pressure cuff to monitor.
I definitely know this is stress related as I had bouts of anxiety attacks recently and terrible insomnia — I’m in my last quarter of grad school writing a thesis and working part-time + growing a human
I have a few questions for you all: (1) what are your favorite stress management techniques, resources, or recommendations?
(2) how many hours do you all work? Have you had to shorten your work hours since becoming pregnant? How did that conversation go with your boss?
im essentially thinking of asking my boss for a leave of absence so I can finish grad school (3 months) and not stress me (and baby) out more than needed. Also trying to figure out what I can do better to manage/cope with stress too. Pregnancy has been so humbling as I was a workaholic busy body prior.
@bobbsx3 how challenging! It sounds like you have a lot on your plate! I’m glad they’re giving you an opportunity to make changes before jumping to medicine.
When I’m stressed to the point I’m not functioning, I have someone take me for a drive. No talking about the stress. Usually we share happy stories. I do not do the driving! The drive is usually 30-60 minutes. It typically ends with some kind of treat: blizzard, French fries, etc. I think it helps to take a mental break from the problem, pick something you find soothing (for me it’s car rides), and then have a snack because all the emotional energy was a lot of work.
As for work, I work 40 hours for a local school system and then about another 5-7 hours in my private mental health practice. Since becoming pregnant, I’ve tried to spread out my clients so I’m not seeing 2 in one evening after working all day. This means I’m seeing clients more days of the week, but it’s been more manageable with the fatigue.
The biggest change is that I’ve just given up on keeping the house clean 🤷🏻♀️ I’m waiting for the nesting to kick in. I’ll catch up on all the cleaning then lol. I also usually do our household finances, but it was stressing me out and contributing to the insomnia, so my husband took that task over this month.
@bobbsx3 so sorry you are so stressed! I was working on my thesis when I was pregnant with my son and ended up taking an additional semester to finish because I was also very stressed and knew it would be best for me and baby. My professor was actually the one who recommended it, which made the decision easy, but I was so grateful. In the long run, an extra semester wasn't a big deal at all. To answer your questions:
1) Getting outside for some fresh air + exercise are my favorite stress management techniques. Also grabbing a coffee with a friend and taking my mind off everything else for an hour or two. 2) I work 38 hours/week right now, but when I was pregnant with my son and in grad school, I was only working 25 hours/week.
I hope you are able to find a better balance Growing a human is hard work!
@bobbsx3 My BP is usually high especially going into appointments before I can find the HB because of anxiety from a prior loss. My MW took my BP after finding the HB with the doppler one time and it went down to an acceptable range. Now that I can find the HB at home myself and feel movement my BP is back down to normal for me 102/66 this week. Before this each appointment it was at 120/80 or higher, but they didn't tell me those higher ones they just retested later.
For other ways to try and calm myself down before appointments, I rely on the mind numbingness of candy crush to zone out and not think and lower my blood pressure.
I'm the wrong person to ask this lol. I work 40 hours at my primary job, 11 to 12 hours at my secondary job, half of which is at home, and this week I start a new job that is fully home based and is about up to 5 hours. Relaxation for me is primarily reading, playing with my pets, watching brainless television, and interacting on the Internet. I am not too good at the whole work life balance thing.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
@bobbsx3 I'm sorry this is such a stressful time for you! I remember working and being in grad school, and could not imagine being pregnant on top of that. You've got a lot on your plate, so #1 is to go easy on yourself - don't expect yourself to be super human and then beat yourself up if you're struggling to handle it all. Talk to yourself as if you were talking to a good friend. Writing/journaling also helps me. Getting everything out onto paper helps to process everything. Going for walks helps too. I think, at the very least, having a discussion with your boss to discuss various options would be beneficial. If you think taking a short leave would be best for your health, don't be afraid to express that. I have dealt with anxiety for over 6 years now, and I take medication for it (one that is considered safe for pregnancy). So, if your anxiety becomes unmanageable, despite various efforts, that is an option you can discuss with your doctor.
Does anyone have any solutions to the middle of the night insomnia. I was up again last night from like 1:30 -4:30 and when I finally fell asleep just to be woken up to get up for work. I'm exhausted. I didn't have this problem with my first two so I have no idea on a solution but if my kid would sleep without me next to her I would get up and get work done because I'm sick of laying in bed just trying to fall asleep while everyone a round me is already sleeping.
@jhysmath Not much helps me when that happens, honestly. My best advice is to try some chamomile tea before bed and wear an eye mask to sleep. If you wake up in the middle of the night do everything in your power to not let light into your eyes (I've memorized the path to the bathroom so I don't need light for that) and lay in bed until you fall back asleep. Easier said than done, but it helps me some of the time.
@jhysmath let me know if you find an answer, because that's the boat I'm in, too. Benadryl is not helping.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
@mnmomma84 yes, that's why you're only supposed to take 1/2 of one for nausea.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
@jhysmath every night this week! I wake up to pee around 2 am and can’t fall back asleep until 4:30/5ish. Then the alarm goes off at 6:30. I’m basically sleep walking. I agree with @trapperkeeper87 that not turning on lights when using the restroom helps sometimes. I have also kicked out the dog/cats because sometimes they wake me up. It doesn't prevent the insomnia, but it delays that first waking an hour or so.
I do not have any help for insomnia because helooooo it's 2am where I am 🤣 but is it time to start up the late night thread? I place for all insomnia sufferers to suffer together?
I think I’ve heard magnesium helps with sleep issues - might be worth looking into . Maybe epsom salt baths before bedtime ? I’d have to Google but I seem to think that Epsom salts have magnesium that absorbs through your skin. Also I read something about tart cherry juice helping with melatonin production.
For those with insomnia, you could try some sort of hypnosis. I'm sure YouTube would have something. I listen to my hypnobabies recordings when I have a hard time falling asleep. You're supposed to stay awake for them but I only ever last about half way through😜
I fall asleep pretty easily so I feel like a sleep aid would be pointless, I just need to figure out how to stay asleep. I'm glad there are others of you who are in the same boat as me. I didn't have this problem with the first two I'd get up to pee and just go back to sleep. I don't use light at all and can navigate pretty well. I did bring my phone to bed with me once this week because I was on like 3 hours of laying in bed and I was so bored. Maybe I'll bring my kindle to bed and try reading in dark mode if it happens again. I'm just so frustrated I am tired. I want to sleep. Please body allow it to happen.
@jhysmath (putting on professional hat) from a sleep hygiene perspective, it's not a good idea to do things in bed other than sleep and have sex. If you can't sleep and are bored, get up and go do whatever (read, phone, etc.). If you do things other than sleep in bed, it loosens the body's association between bed = sleep.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
@kboydbowman that is usually my thoughts as well, but if I get up, the toddler will likely follow and then I will have to get her back to sleep and myself and lose out on everything. Occasionally she'll accept my husbands snuggles, but lately he's been letting me have the whole bed with her so I have more room. It's a lose lose situation right now.
@kboydbowman You are so right! In college I could hardly sleep because my dorm room was my bedroom, kitchen, study area and tv zone. I have made a point in adult life to only be in my room while I get ready for the day or I am winding down for bed. It has kept it a safe place for relaxation.
@JRae2015 I actually use magnesium. I spray it on my feet before bed and I also drink the mix called Calm when I get home from work (I use the raspberry lemonade one and always put a packet of true lemon in it). I think it has helped my sleep. Has for sure helped with headaches and anxiety.
@kboydbowman I’ve heard that so much over the years and have tried my best to stick to it. Though sometimes I’m like oh wouldn’t it be nice to have a TV in here to watch a movie in bed, but then I think back to that advice and never buy that TV.
I got the Levis skinny jeans from amazon and they’ve been great, but now I have a possible inkling of a bump and I’m already uncomfortable.
What pants are y’all wearing? I’m still a size 8/medium. My waist is just not going to accommodate the discomfort and I can’t either sit straight as a rod or lay down all day.
Re: The Great Big Queston Thread!
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Some complicated chromosomal stuff going on - our fingers are crossed, but this may not go according to plan!
if I schedule it I'm almost guaranteed to get my OB.
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Some complicated chromosomal stuff going on - our fingers are crossed, but this may not go according to plan!
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
My nausea was never bad unless I was hungry or overly tired, which yeah that was basically all the time, but now it only comes around when I am aggressively hungry. Everyone is different though. I hope yours goes away soon!
thanks for the info! I’ve always thought about my plan being “get baby out safely, and keep me safe”. But it’s those little choices that it would be smart to at least consider ahead of time!
And I totally agree with having things written out for my husband and communicating it to him ahead of time! A great idea. Can definitely see myself getting angry at him for not being able to read my mind hehe.
The YouTube suggestion is perfect! I will check that out
If I have my way, I'm leaning toward vaginal delivery with minimal intervention - ideally, no epidural, episiotomy, pitocin, etc. I would like to be able to move around, but I don't think I want to do a tub or anything like that. I'm trying to aim for quicker recovery if at all possible! I do plan to deliver in a hospital in case anything goes wrong. I think my local hospital offers nitrous, which sounds like it could be helpful for some degree of pain reduction. I know I want a birth doula with me and I think I want my husband with me, too. I'd like skin-to-skin as soon as possible, and I'd like to follow Emily Oster's recommendation with regards to waiting (or not) to cut the cord.
Some complicated chromosomal stuff going on - our fingers are crossed, but this may not go according to plan!
(1) what are your favorite stress management techniques, resources, or recommendations?
im essentially thinking of asking my boss for a leave of absence so I can finish grad school (3 months) and not stress me (and baby) out more than needed. Also trying to figure out what I can do better to manage/cope with stress too. Pregnancy has been so humbling as I was a workaholic busy body prior.
1) Getting outside for some fresh air + exercise are my favorite stress management techniques. Also grabbing a coffee with a friend and taking my mind off everything else for an hour or two.
2) I work 38 hours/week right now, but when I was pregnant with my son and in grad school, I was only working 25 hours/week.
I hope you are able to find a better balance
For other ways to try and calm myself down before appointments, I rely on the mind numbingness of candy crush to zone out and not think and lower my blood pressure.
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
let me know if you find an answer, because that's the boat I'm in, too. Benadryl is not helping.
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
yes, that's why you're only supposed to take 1/2 of one for nausea.
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
@JRae2015 I actually use magnesium. I spray it on my feet before bed and I also drink the mix called Calm when I get home from work (I use the raspberry lemonade one and always put a packet of true lemon in it). I think it has helped my sleep. Has for sure helped with headaches and anxiety.
I’m still a size 8/medium. My waist is just not going to accommodate the discomfort and I can’t either sit straight as a rod or lay down all day.
My SIL suggested these so I ordered a pair
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B006WMFPSW/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_api_i_BKGV6W87EZFCSQS0893Q