Flame-Free Friday Confessions 4.23

keikilove

*FFFC: Not guaranteed to be flame-free🔥

boymama2018

I 'accidentally' left my CB OPK box out on the sink as a hint to my husband without overly pressuring to kick off BD verbally. 

ReadyForaB

@boymama2018 What is it about TTC that makes you feel like your pressuring men?  Any other time it is the other way around, amiright?! haha. 

I say I'm going to bed then lay in my bed in peace scrolling tiktok for an hour. 

boymama2018

@ReadyForaB RIGHT. I fear performance anxiety like the plague. Trying to keep things fun and easy. Men can't handle the amount of stress we can honestly, we are built so different emotionally lol. Women are truly amazing. He made the first move so it might have worked!

daisy0322

I think the term “baby dance” is cringeworthy.... I mean clearly all of us are adults and definitely not virgins lol I feel like there has got to be a better way 🤣

@boymama2018 trying to get KU sex is never as fun in my opinion mainly because I feel like my head just isn’t in the game I’m preoccupied with fertility windows and OPKs. And like even though we both want a baby I’m the one who gets pregnant so it kind of feels like a favor lol  

knottie7bc8467b6ac68efe

I also feel like cis men have a hard time understanding that the sex drive of people who menstruate is going to be (more) cyclical because of the hormones driving our menstrual cycles. Meanwhile, people who don't menstruate usually have a daily ebb and flow of testosterone, which makes their sex drive appear more constant, or higher.

Our partners likely pay less attention to the nature of our sex drive when we aren't actively TTC, so it probably feels like pressure to them. I've had this conversation with my spouse about how I do, actually, pretty much want sex around the same amount every month, but of course he's paying more attention to it right now when part of the reason for it is for me to get pregnant. Also, our sex life has ebbed and flowed over the course of our relationship. It's not necessarily going to lessen the pressure now that either of us may feel, but it's kind of reassuring to remember that it changes because we change, and life's situations change, etc. etc. I do try to initiate sex at least once (maybe twice) outside of my fertile window, mostly because it helps me relax about sex during the fertile window too. 

All that said, @boymama2018, I like your non-verbal sign. I think those are great, too! That's totally a low-key way to open the conversation, ha.  

bows22

@boymama2018 DH recently told me he knows that once he sees the pee sticks out that it’s time so I guess that’s our secret signal too

@daisy0322 I hate all of the acronyms for sex. I used to think HIO meant “hit it out” and was mortified that I’d been saying “hump it out” for a year. I mostly just say “have sex” now haha 

daisy0322

@bows22 omg i thought it was hit it out too lol 

fifilala516

If one more person tells me to "just relax," and "not stress" and "not think about getting pregnant" I am going to f---ing lose it.

inthewoods23

I have a disliking towards the terms embabies or frosties. Just call them embryos lol.

I'm sure we can confess that at one time or another we all thought PNV was penis in vagina instead of prenatal vitamin haha


Related FFFC - DH has never had a problem finishing. Ever. Even if I've been pushy about hitting the EOD timing or making sure sex happens on O day. There have been times where we're just tired and aren't hitting the right spot on me (or I'm dry) so it takes a while, but we've never had to call it quits and call it a lost cause. I always feel so bad for the times anyone has said their husbands couldn't finish! DH doesn't have a high sex drive but if I ask and start arousing him, he's pretty much good to go to get the job done.

fifilala516

@inthewoods23 Wait, it's not "penis in vagina" ... 

boymama2018

@beakay8 oh yes, I plan on initiating outside of the fertile window! We were benched for the last 3 months due to MTX. He doesn't like condoms and I didn't want to be on BC so we just abstained. But now that we are back in action that is definitely a goal of mine. 

@bows22 we may be onto something! They seem to be very observant in the bathroom. haha

@daisy0322 Yes, I can totally relate.

chgilmore

@fifilala516 YES my mother is the worst culprit in this. I know she means well, she struggled with IF and IVF when it was experimental for over a decade to have just me, but that means she should understand that the unsolicited advice is not great.

acleverusername

I religiously read the acronym dictionary when I first started posting; and in fact had both of them opened as separate tabs for like a month. LOL. 

I too don't beat around the bush with MH. It's "do you want to stick it in later?" and "are you up for sexy times tonight?" LOL. The cruder the better IMHO. 

My FFFC: I brush my teeth in the shower. And I will continue to do that cause I feel like I'm getting a better cleaning that way (I do floss before I hope in the shower though.) 

knottie7bc8467b6ac68efe

@acleverusername I am THE SAME. MH, very direct, I appreciate it: "Do you want to have sex?" Meanwhile, me: What ridiculous way can I phrase the question "Do you want to have sex?" Me, turned on by the direct approach; MH turned on/relaxed by absurdity; also, it's hilarious to ask "Do you want to stick it in me?" and it's never *not* been funny to both of us in the 14 years we've been having sex together lolol 

acleverusername

@beakay8 100% that it'll never stop being funny. 🤣 I'm a 13 yr old trapped in a body of a 37 year old. 

acleverusername

Another FFFC: I told my team that I'll be offline to do some heads down work because I had no meetings for 2 hours; I spent 1 of those 2 hours catching up on TB messages. 

inthewoods23

@acleverusername girl same haha. Yesterday I wasted a good hour in the morning writing up my whole NIAW post. Of course, I did answer the phones when it rang so I wasn't entirely unproductive with actual work.

After I open all my things for work in the morning, my next task is logging into my gmail, then creating an incognito window for facebook and TB . In the office I go back to only viewing that from my phone. It's just one of the many reasons why I really like WFH. I don't have to worry about someone seeing me on TB.

kiki047

@inthewoods23 considering we're doing IVF and FW sex isn't even a thing anymore, I am absurdly jealous at YH's ability to finish every time. We have major performance anxiety issues over here. I have to give him a couple hours notice so we don't do something like take a melatonin too early, or eat too much at dinner, or <insert any other excuse here>, and even then it gets into his head too much. God, are we getting old or what? LOL. 

My FFFC is that outside of FW I don't actually care if DH doesn't finish because it's less mess for me, but  will never, ever tell him that   

*edited to fix typo.

inthewoods23

@kiki047 I definitely mention it earlier in the day since it's almost always PM sex. Most of the time the deed is done as long as I don't fall asleep before he finally gets to bed.

This is such a tangent, but it's a good story and it does end with an FFFC (kind of now that I've written it out? lol). FW sex reminded me of my conversation yesterday with my friend who's like "I can count on one hand the times we've had sex since I gave birth". Just hearing that so many people really are FW sex people and just aren't up for it PP makes me feel so much better because apparently my SIL and her fiance f*ck like rabbits and that's just.... how good can a relationship be if it's so FREAKING sexual?? Grosses me a out a bit. Anyway...

A couple years ago when we were on vacation with DH's family on a lake my SIL's BF (now fiance) joined us when they started dating. There has ALWAYS been the rule of no sex while we're there because it's a small cottage house and it's pretty easy to hear people talking in the kitchen/living room area from the bedrooms down the hallway and vice versa. These bedrooms either have hollow pocket doors, or in the case of our room, double folding doors like you might have for a closet. So yeah, privacy is basically just not being seen.

In the 2nd year SIL's fiance joined us, there happened to be an afternoon/evening where myself, FIL, and MIL were the only ones that decided go out on the boat and do some fishing. My MIL doesn't really fish so she's just chilling, reading in the boat or laying out (pontoon boat). She starts telling my FIL essentially that SIL and fiance had done it every single day last year and had a bet this year that they could/couldn't go the entire week without having sex and that my SIL lost that bet (she said they could but I guess she gave into his advances). Had something to do with the fact that SIL's birthday was the last day of the vacation. So hearing this, I am PISSED. We had done this vacation for almost 10 years at that point and every f*cking year DH and I have respected this rule. Also, no shame, but I'm loud AF sometimes that I hurt poor DH's ears haha so it was basically impossible for us not to be heard at the time. There never was a time where everyone else is out of the house that we wouldn't have to worry about noise.

I swear I'm getting to the FFFC part lol.

So we're back at the house from this short little fishing trip and I basically immediately tell DH (I think he had opted to nap instead of coming with) because, wouldn't you know it, that week of vacation was exactly my FW hence why I'm super pissed about hearing this story from my MIL. So we said f*ck this because the moment SIL gets a BF it's suddenly okay to be f*cking around. Had the quietest sex of our lives that very night and you know what, DH thought it was the HOTTEST sex we had ever had. Thank god for memory foam mattresses.

And that's how I became a lot quieter during sex

chgilmore

@inthewoods23 there's something extra hot about sneaky quiet sex xD some of the hottest sex I've had was as a teenager sneaking around and trying to be quiet so my college roommate wouldn't hear or notice.

I guess this is related and kinda FFFC. I get a kick out of hearing people HIO, sometimes it just makes me think "oh good for them" and DH and I will smile at each other, but other times....other times it's like we just got a fast pass to humptown.

knottie7bc8467b6ac68efe

@inthewoods23 This story is well told and the ending line is *chef's kiss*

inthewoods23

@chgilmore totally agree. I wish DH was more into doing that but he's just not a risk taker.

@beakay8 thank you

keikilove

@inthewoods23 You’re such a great storyteller! Even though I remembered hearing this one once before, I couldn’t remember the details, and definitely didn’t remember the ending. I LOL-ed so loudly in public at your ‘happy ending’.🤣

@acleverusername Also LOL-ed at your “I’m in heads-down work” and your teen potty talk for sex! HA! It’s similarly direct ‘round these parts. Me: “You ready to ride, cowboy?” Or “Cowboy up. It’s go time.” MH is waaaaaay more romantic than I am, but after years of this timed sex he’s just like, “Yep. Can I finish my show first?” 😆😆😆 Aaaahhh, the truth about TTC. 

@daisy0322 I’m with you on the “BD” being cringeworthy. But now I just use it or HIO so I can type fast. I never say it out loud—gross. Also, ditto to your thoughts about sex during FW. I try to make it interesting or sexy, but usually I’m waiting in bed all lame like this:

@inthewoods23 & @kiki047 MH is the first person I’ve been with who has the problem of sometimes “not finishing”. It’s only happened a handful of times over the past few years, but still. I had fair warning that this might be an issue because once, when we’d been dating awhile, he was lying on the bed and I was standing above him twirling my sexy panties in the air like, “Hellooooo, let’s do this!”💃🏼 🥳 And he was drunkenly laughing and apologizing, saying he’d had too much wine at dinner and needed to sleep. 😳That happened one other time when we were dating where he couldn’t finish for the same reason. Later he told me he has a blood disorder that makes things difficult if he consumes too much alcohol. Also, he’s more than a decade older than me, so there may be that too. 

My FFFC: If anyone says “make love” it turns my stomach. In my 20s I broke up w a boyfriend partially because he used this phrase only— it made me sick and so turned me off to him. Also, because he was 9 years older than me and that seemed soooo old to be 34 hahaha. 

*I feel like this week’s FFFC is suggesting that we could use an After Dark thread soon...

My other FFFC is that I grew up being corrected to use very proper English. I knowingly make mistakes on this forum all the time but post my improper sentences anyway. For example, when I just wrote that my boyfriend “was 9 years older than me” I could hear my mom saying “I.... he’s 9 years older than I... As in, ‘he’s 9 years older than I am’ or ‘he was 9 years older than I was’”. I also posted something to @acleverusername the other day that said something like “Do you get a discount on the cars that your company works with?” knowing full well it should’ve said “...a discount on the cars with which you work?” Or “....with which your company works?” But nobody speaks like that anymore so I just post all my improper statements and then let it bother me for days.😆😅 We’ve had quite a few English majors come through this board so I always wonder what they think...

daisy0322

@inthewoods23 i wish I could like that story more than once! That’s great .... when we were teenagers and probably up until 24 ish MH and I were ummm not fun to travel with- then my MIL decided to start waltzing in whenever because she was tired of it   😂 

@kiki047 MH always finishes but sometimes he gets too excited and finishes super quick and I get salty af lol 

fameonmain2

@inthewoods23 that story gave me LIFE

DH went out to the driving range with a friend about an hour ago and I immediately ordered Chipotle.

knottie7bc8467b6ac68efe

@keikilove I'm an editor and bothered 0% by non "proper" English or writing. No one needs the soap box but the short version is "proper" is bullshit and fake. Writing and communication are all about audience and message; informal & casual language usage isn't wrong or improper, esp. on a casual internet forum. 🙂

keikilove

@beakay8 😉

daisy0322

@beakay8 Yes! Thank you!!! I’m dyslexic I have a degree and I’m working on a second will probably graduate with honors again this time. Grammar and spelling are not that  serious in day to day. People who act as if it’s life and death drive me bonkers 

fifilala516

I HATE the term "make love." Ew ew ew. So gross. DH and I are very crude and immature. One of us will just basically ask the other, "wanna [blank]?" And yep. 

fantasyflyte

We usually make copious use of the devil face emoji and the smirking one.