Jan 2021 IVF/FET — The Bump
Infertility

Jan 2021 IVF/FET

Starting a new thread for those of us transferring in January!

Just had my baseline scan today and everything looks good to start taking estrodiol tomorrow working towards transfer on 1/8.  This is our third FET (2nd with a PGS normal embryo).  Doing the same protocol as last time as RE just thinks we were "unlucky" with the last one. I am hoping there will be some better mojo in the air once the calendar turns.  FX for all of us January!
claireloSCzaltyloulbnyc85
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Re: Jan 2021 IVF/FET

  • I hope everything goes well for you in January!!! I just started my BC and will have a baseline done on January 4. Would have stayed sooner but with the holidays.. This will be my first round so I am a newbie. The clinic has informed me that they will let me know the next steps in the 4th. So I am sitting with all this medication they asked me to order and getting anxious. 
    emilynoel810
  • Joining in here as well, new to IVF and this community. I’m 32, NTNP for 2 years, focused trying for a year, 2 failed IUIs and here I am. Looks like I’ll have my first RE in January I think but I’ll know more after my Jan. 4 appointment. Three days into taking birth control to suppress ovulation, so not clear yet how long I’ll be on it. Wishing you strength, success, and for your dreams to come true in 2021 and beyond @emilynoel810 !!!

    @mouse39 looks like we literally might be on the same schedule day-by-day. I started BC 3 days ago and have a follow-up with my RE on 1/4, though not a baseline yet. Are you just taking BC for suppression? Or something else too? Wishing you luck!!!
    emilynoel810
  • Loading the player...
  • I am a -maybe- late Jan or early Feb start for a new IVF cycle (ER, freeze-all); AF just came yesterday (yay for Christmas presents) and I start stims on my next cycle which should be in about 4 weeks. We're not doing BC this time because some research shows it may inhibit follicles in future IVF cycles for DOR patients (which is our current diagnosis). 

    TW; child
    I have a 2.5 year old girl from my previous IVF cycle in 2017 but since we have no embryos left, we have to go back to square one. I feel like I got super lucky with my first transfer working out perfectly and am a little more anxious this time around. 

    Happy Holidays/Seasons Greetings/Merry Christmas to everyone! Hopefully 2021 will be a better year than 2020 lol

    ~~ Our Story in Spoiler! TW loss/child~~
    Fall 2012 -- started TTC
    Summer 2015 - no BFP yet, labs normal, referred to RE
    Fall 2015 - Summer 2016 - Further testing all normal. 3 IUI's -- BFN. Recommended move to IVF. Planned cycle for fall 2016.
    September 2016 - Surprise natural BFP. MMC @ 8 weeks. RE expressed confidence that we just needed the 'right' embryo.
    Fall 2016 - Spring 2017 -- Break from TTC
    June 2017 - Started IVF; egg retrieval for freeze all cycle. 9 mature eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized. 2 4BB embies on ice.
    August 2017 - FET transfer both embies. BFP.  Twin pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. EDD 4/28/18
    September 2017 - Twin B stopped developing; Twin A doing perfectly! Graduated from RE @ 10 weeks
    March 2018 - Baby Girl born via C/S due to pre-eclampsia -- strong and healthy!

    TTC #2
    January/Feb 2021 - Freeze-all IVF cycle 
    March 2021 - FET of 1 PGS normal female embryo. BFP! Beta #1 156,  #2 472, #3 1241, #4 5268 EDD 12/5/21 - Christmas baby!


    "When all is lost then all is found."


  • If I may vent for a moment - one of my closest friends is pregnant (it was a surprise, but the timing ended up being great for her and her DH). We’ve openly talked about how we don’t yet really know how to navigate this - me trying for years with no success and her surprise. It hasn’t been easy and very, very triggering.

    Yesterday she had a meltdown because she’s doing a pregnancy reveal to her family through Xmas gifts but can’t be there in person due to COVID. She was enraged that her brother wasn’t doing an adequate job wrapping and arranging the surprise. I couldn’t believe that she wanted my support through this...and I felt so unbelievably guilty that I couldn’t give it like I normally do. I felt unable to do anything at all, so I stopped answering. She has a BFF who all this was easy for and i wonder why she’s reaching out to me?

     This morning she apologized for the meltdown and wished me a nice holiday break...and I still find myself unable to answer.
    claireloSC
  • *lurking* 
    @thezaltyberger during my journey battling IF for years (turned out to be male IF, plus with age I got ovarian disfunction) I realized - I don’t care any more about what other people think, and I don’t have to appease to them to make them happy if it hurts me. Trust me, it was so much easier....because I started to think what is important for my emotional well-being. Some people said that I didn’t have any empathy or I’m rude, but I didn’t give a crap any more (sorry for my language). I remember when at a family gathering my mother in law was holding my sister in laws baby and told me “oh look how cute he is, want to hold him?” - I said NO and walked away. I didn’t care what they thought of me, because obviously they didn’t. What is important is how you feel right now. What also helped me was just telling people upfront, but again it put me in the “rude” category. I told once that I don’t like other people’s kids, it hurts just to look at them, let alone hold. I don’t tell you to take my approach, as it is kind of harsh.Do what works for you and what is good for your emotions well-being. **TW Child** 
    Being on this forum helped me, I wasn’t bitter any more, and I didn’t experience the same feelings towards people who got pregnant here. Probably because they understood me and my pain. We were upset together for other girls’ losses and were happy together for other people’s successes. After I got my son it all changed, now I’m not that porcupine that can’t look at other kids, my heart melted. *End TW* IVF works, some times not from the first try, but it is very effective and has high success rates. Concentrate on positives💕 We are all here if you have a bad day and want to share.
  • @dukie001 I really could give you the biggest hug right now. Your response helped me so much. Thank you. Two days in on this forum and already I feel stronger and more supported. You are amazing.

    I’ve been very close with this friend for going on six years now, and the transition to protect myself against her happy news has been brutal. Part of me can’t imagine NOT being part of her pregnancy. She’s eagerly asked me to knit things for her baby. But the other part of me cant bear to participate. In the early days of her pregnancy when it was still high risk I remember her repeating over and over again “At least I can get pregnant, at least I can get pregnant.” Whatever defense mechanisms I have in place saw me power through it in the moment, but when I got off the phone I deteriorated quickly. She already knew about my failed IUI at the time. I know she’s not doing it on purpose. I know she doesn’t know what it feels like to have everything fail on you, your own body, your partner, occasionally your own mind. But she is insanely smart (full scholarship at an Ivy League law school) and I keep wondering how she can be this...dumb? Tone deaf? Are you really hearing yourself?

    She apologized this morning about her meltdown and wished me a happy holiday break. I didn’t acknowledge the apology and just wished her the same. If she reaches out again, I think I have to tell her that I need to take a break from talking. It seems impossible because we talk almost every day, but my therapist said that either she’ll be there when I’m ready again, or this was a one-sided friendship in the first place.

    Thanks again, @[email protected] - I feel stronger today thanks to you.
    dukie001claireloSC
  • @thezaltyberger
    The mixed feelings you get, especially with close friends and family, can be so difficult to navigate. My sister had two babies (my two perfect little nieces) while we were trying to just get pregnant and stay pregnant; the first one she announced at a family dinner at a nice restaurant by surprising my parents with a book about being grandparents -- I had to basically bite through my lip to keep from crying in front of everyone. The wine at the dinner helped. She's a smart girl but I don't think, in her excitement, she really thought how such a public and surprise announcement might impact those around her. She did much better the second time and privately told me over a phone call before she announced so I had time to process everything. Her second pregnancy, however, was significantly more difficult for me since my m/c pregnancy would have been due just a month after my second niece. She and my mom worked very hard to make sure I had space during that time, even while they were excited and celebrating.

    One thing that really helped me, strangely enough, was really focusing on being an awesome aunt and enjoying my nieces, even spoiling them a little bit. I don't know how that would work with you and your friend, but perhaps, once the baby does arrive, you can take some enjoyment in this new chapter.

    I might suggesting asking for a little space from your friend so you have time to process everything and then maybe once you are in a better place, you can involve yourself at whatever level you want. Your therapist is absolutely right -- if she's a true friend, she'll be there when you're ready and be happy to respect whatever needs you may have regarding her pregnancy or baby (not being the main outlet for baby/pregnancy talk, etc).
    ~~ Our Story in Spoiler! TW loss/child~~
    Fall 2012 -- started TTC
    Summer 2015 - no BFP yet, labs normal, referred to RE
    Fall 2015 - Summer 2016 - Further testing all normal. 3 IUI's -- BFN. Recommended move to IVF. Planned cycle for fall 2016.
    September 2016 - Surprise natural BFP. MMC @ 8 weeks. RE expressed confidence that we just needed the 'right' embryo.
    Fall 2016 - Spring 2017 -- Break from TTC
    June 2017 - Started IVF; egg retrieval for freeze all cycle. 9 mature eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized. 2 4BB embies on ice.
    August 2017 - FET transfer both embies. BFP.  Twin pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. EDD 4/28/18
    September 2017 - Twin B stopped developing; Twin A doing perfectly! Graduated from RE @ 10 weeks
    March 2018 - Baby Girl born via C/S due to pre-eclampsia -- strong and healthy!

    TTC #2
    January/Feb 2021 - Freeze-all IVF cycle 
    March 2021 - FET of 1 PGS normal female embryo. BFP! Beta #1 156,  #2 472, #3 1241, #4 5268 EDD 12/5/21 - Christmas baby!


    "When all is lost then all is found."


    thezaltybergerclaireloSC
  • @thezaltyberger I am taking birth control for suppression. Yes it looks like we might be on the same schedule. I am hoping they will still start everything on the 4th of January. They informed me that they have to reverify insurance coverage that same day. 
  • Thank you so much @mbradfo2 for sharing your experience and wisdom. It means a lot to me. It humanizes the experience and makes me feel less lonely, even though unfortunately it means you had to walk this path too. I know my friend doesn’t mean. I didn’t realize that one person could be so smart and clueless at the same time. She tried to follow up with additional complaints on the same subject, her baby announcement to her parents, today. My husband was so upset with her and didn’t want me to respond at all because me and her had had conversations about how to try to make sure things like this wouldn’t happen - and she broke or ignored our agreements. I ended up telling her that I hope that everything works out but that I wasn’t the right person to support her in this situation. She messaged back thanking me for telling her and saying she completely understood.

    A few hours later and she’s sending me pictures of her Christmas dinner. I find myself unable to respond. I know how much it hurts her when I ghost because I’m upset. I’m not doing it on purpose. I just have to look out for me right now before I can look out for her.
    dukie001
  • Hi all, so glad to have a community to go through this with.  Sorry for starting the thread and then disappearing - I have been traveling a little to see family, (as safely and socially distantly as possible).  Back now and needing to vent.  We were with my MIL for x-mas. She knows we have been doing IVF and have had 2 failed transfers so far, but we specifically asked her not to tell our extended family. Well... lo and behold she gets a call from her cousin on Christmas day and all of a sudden she is acting weird, like she is hiding something.  Turns out, my MIL's cousin's daughter is pregnant and my MIL says "they weren't sure how to tell you, given everything..." So not only is my husband's cousin pregnant, but now its clear my MIL has been talking about our issues with that whole side of the family. My husband and I were mad and my MIL tried to pass it off as "oh they just know you want a family one day..." Oh come on!! Please! I felt so upset, and she tried to hug me and tell me how "strong" I am for everything... I was not having it, but then I felt guilty for becoming all upset and making her feel bad on Christmas. @dukie001 and @mbradfo2 its so good to hear that others have felt this way too. I have been super teary and sensitive lately, which is weird because I didn't have this the last two times I was on the estradiol. Maybe its the holidays bringing it out in me.  Anyway...I know how you are feeling @thezaltyberger, people can be so insensitive!!

    I am both excited for and dreading this next try on 1/8 and would love to hear how you are all feeling and when your transfers/ retrievals are once you have your appointments next week! Love and baby dust to all! 
  • Hi Ladies! I’m joining you all for a Jan FET, after a failed fresh transfer in Nov. I’ll be transferring 2 untested embryos tentatively on 1/18. I started Lupron over a week ago and have been feeling super bloated. Waiting on my period this week so I can move to the next phase of transfer meds. Looking forward to following everyone’s stories and supporting you all through your journey this month. 
    BabyFruit TickerMe: 39 DH: 38
    Together since 2007, married since 2010
    Baby girl born: 7/12
    Baby boy born: 10/15
    IUD removed 3/2018, TTC naturally until Summer 2019. Seeing RE since 8/2019.
    Current DX: blocked fallopian tube.
    IUI #1 (9/19): 50 mg clomid + Ovidrel --> BFN
    IUI #2 (10/19): 50 mg clomid + Ovidrel --> BFP
    Missed miscarriage and D&C: 12/19
    IVF #1 + PGS: March 2020 [5R, 4M, 3F, 2B, 0 PGS normal] 
    IUI #3 (6/20): 50 mg clomid + Ovidrel —> BFN
    IVF #2 (8/20): changed clinics to try new protocol [7R, 6M, 4F, 1 biopsied so far, waiting on PGS results]


  • @emilynoel810
    Ugh, that can be annoying when people share more than you ask them to. I have the opposite issue -- I would be happy to share our journey with family, but my parents have asked us to be quiet about it since we have some people who are very religious and it might upset them (to see doctors 'playing god' or something like that). So basically everyone remains quiet about everything. After my daughter was born, my grandmother said to me, "But we thought you didn't want any kids! We just assumed..." And I burst into tears because obviously that was soooo far from the truth, but that seems to be the default of what people assume if you've been married awhile and don't have kids. 

    Welcome @minnesotalove ! My first transfer was two untested embies and resulted in my daughter, so fx for you! We can only do one embryo moving forward because I got pre-E with my daughter at 35 weeks.
    ~~ Our Story in Spoiler! TW loss/child~~
    Fall 2012 -- started TTC
    Summer 2015 - no BFP yet, labs normal, referred to RE
    Fall 2015 - Summer 2016 - Further testing all normal. 3 IUI's -- BFN. Recommended move to IVF. Planned cycle for fall 2016.
    September 2016 - Surprise natural BFP. MMC @ 8 weeks. RE expressed confidence that we just needed the 'right' embryo.
    Fall 2016 - Spring 2017 -- Break from TTC
    June 2017 - Started IVF; egg retrieval for freeze all cycle. 9 mature eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized. 2 4BB embies on ice.
    August 2017 - FET transfer both embies. BFP.  Twin pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. EDD 4/28/18
    September 2017 - Twin B stopped developing; Twin A doing perfectly! Graduated from RE @ 10 weeks
    March 2018 - Baby Girl born via C/S due to pre-eclampsia -- strong and healthy!

    TTC #2
    January/Feb 2021 - Freeze-all IVF cycle 
    March 2021 - FET of 1 PGS normal female embryo. BFP! Beta #1 156,  #2 472, #3 1241, #4 5268 EDD 12/5/21 - Christmas baby!


    "When all is lost then all is found."


    claireloSC
  • I can't believe that I am back on this forum so soon. After years and years of trying, things finally worked out and I now have a wonderful 6 month old at home. But because of all those years and years (I am 47 now) if I want to give my little one a brother (we have only male embryos remaining and I am too old to successfully harvest any more eggs) I have to start up this process again ASAP. Not to suggest that pregnancy isn't worth the outcome, but between all the 'fun' of a normal pregnancy, plus the extra drugs/shots required of a FET, PLUS the 'FUN' that COVID adds to the already crazy mix, I will admit that I have mixed emotions. FET on the 6th (assuming my lining looks good on the 30th). 

    Also- to the good friend who wrote above regarding having very mixed emotions when asked to support their friend's pregnancy reveal- I _totally_ get it. One Xmas, 6 of my 8 younger female cousins and 2 of my 4 sisters, were all between ~3-7 mo pregnant; for all but two it was a first pregnancy. I sat around that very happiness and excitement filled Xmas table dying inside. Over the years I made peace with my situation, and although it was easier to deal with all the kids everywhere (and they just kept coming), it never was fun. Since I was more private regarding my desires, many folks just concluded that I didn't want kids.... and those that knew had no idea how hard it was on me to be present and engaged in their children's lives sometimes. Everyone on this board gets it and sends you a huge hug of support. Sometimes, hopefully, having your pain acknowledged helps (or so it did for me). Thankfully it sounds like you and your good friend have strong relationship and hopefully open communication will help. Maybe just learning how you feel will help you both navigate the changing situation going forward. 
    emilynoel810
  • @betterlatethannever7 Hi! and welcome back. Looks like we will be transfer buddies with our dates close together. I'm so sorry you had to endure that Xmas with all your siblings/ cousins. I can only imagine how hard that was, given that it was hard for me to even just hear about pregnant family members over the phone.  The fact that you stuck with it and have your 6 month old gives me hope. May I ask, what the winning formula was that finally worked for you?

    @mbradfo2 Grrr!! That makes me so mad that they told you not to share with your family what you were going through!! I have shared with select family and friends who I know are supportive, but we have chosen not to share with others who we can anticipate being intrusive or nosy about it. But I would hate to feel like I couldn't share with people if I wanted to! It is hard enough to do this, but often the isolation part is the worst and its nice when people know what you are going through.
  • Hey guys!
    Moving here to you from Dec FET, I’m having chemical. I still have to do another blood test to ensure that numbers drop tomorrow, also will stop my meds and wait for AF. Agh...yet another chemical. Hopefully I’ll have better luck next year! 
    emilynoel810claireloSC
  • I’m so sorry @dukie001 ❤️❤️❤️ The strength, positivity, and support that you shower us with on these boards are inspirational. I just want to remind you that behind our anonymous screen names, there are real women here supporting you, rooting for you and believing in you. Your joy will be ours, and we’ll help you carry any pain and disappointment before then.

    @betterlatethannever7 @emilynoel810 thank you ladies so much for your support ❤️ A few days have passed and my friend has been texting me like everything is completely normal, but I have not been able to let go the shock and hurt from her insensitivity. We set boundaries a few weeks after she told me she was pregnant and subsequently said some really insensitive things. The boundaries were: 1) She wouldn’t ask me about my infertility - I’d share with her if I felt that was right for me 2) She wouldn’t seek support from me about pregnancy-related things. She has a number of happy mama friends who had smooth pregnancies and happy, healthy kids, so I wouldn’t be leaving her with no support system and 3) That if I was upset, I wouldn’t ghost her, I would be upfront. So obviously she crossed a boundary in a really egregious way. At the time I told her that I couldn’t support her and she said thanks for telling me, I understand. What she doesn’t know is that I spiraled and spent a few hours crying uncontrollably, those big hot tears and sobs that haven’t come out of me in years. On one hand she didn’t intend to do that, it wasn’t on purpose. On the other hand...use your brain? Stick to our agreement? Are my standards too high?

    I drafted an email to her, wanting to reinforce that she crossed a boundary in a way that ended up being really detrimental to me. I haven’t sent it yet. She’s been sending me memes, cake recipes, and photos of her new house as if everything is completely okay. Because she IS okay. What do you think I should do? Just try to let it go alone?
  • @thezaltyberger Thank you 😊💕 I though this time it will be easier to go through a failed FET. But I guess it will never be easy. Agh...
    By the way, your friend might be smart..book smart, but she is also super ignorant person or just really selfish. 
    thezaltyberger
  • Thank you @dukie001 ❤️ It’s slowly dawning on me that I make a lot of excuses for her and hang on for fear of hurting her with my departure...instead of looking out for myself :( I’m going to tell her I need a break. I can’t keep policing her because it’s not fair to her either but I also can’t have my heart rate accelerate every time she texts me, wondering if she’ll send me a cake recipe or something badly triggering.
    emilynoel810dukie001
  • @thezaltyberger sounds like a good plan, and you are right you have to think about yourself, especially now before IVF and transfer. Positive attracts positive. This process is stressful on its own, you don’t need extra negativity from the outside
    thezaltybergeremilynoel810
  • Ok, I had another bummer. I can’t even do FET now in January 😔 I have to wait until second AF so that my body “take a break” as per nurse. Just great...
    claireloSC
  • @dukie001 Oh no! What does that mean? You have to get AF twice before they have you do the next FET? That sucks!!
    dukie001
  • I’m sorry @dukie001 that is SO frustrating. More waiting. That’s our life, isn’t it? It’s doubly frustrating when all you can do is wait and not take any action to feel more in control. Just remember we’re here for you and you can come back to vent (and we’ll listen, support, and understand you) absolutely any time. Please be kind to yourself and indulge in all your favorite things! 2021 has a lot in store. Let’s just write of 2020 as a fluke. Happy New Year to you! I am so thankful I found you and this community 6 days ago.
    dukie001
  • @emilynoel810 yes, I can only start new cycle with 2nd period. I hate delays. I’m trying to find reason behind all these. It’s just hard. 
    @thezaltyberger thanks girl 🥰. I’m trying to enjoy the last weeks of my leave and then Im actually starting a new job, so I’m excited to get my mind off of this IF stuff. It’s not completely new, I’m in the military, so it’s a new assignment, but I don’t even know what my position will be 😁. But I do want to go back to work, because sitting home drives me nuts and I just keep thinking and thinking on why is it I had a failed cycle. 
    Anyways, wishing everyone a Happy New Year!!! 🎆 Let it bring us our little bundles of joy 😁! 
    claireloSC
  • @dukie001, ugh! I’m so sorry to hear about your chemical and the delay. Sending lots of hugs your way. 

    Delays are so painful and frustrating! I tried to start a second IVF cycle in Sept after my Aug one produced one abnormal embryo. I got delayed on the Sept cycle to Nov and ended up having much better results (got 5 untested blasts!). Definitely not the same situation, but the month delay ended up helping my body get back to “normal”, whatever normal is while undergoing all these treatments. Hoping the rest month is super helpful for your body! 
    BabyFruit TickerMe: 39 DH: 38
    Together since 2007, married since 2010
    Baby girl born: 7/12
    Baby boy born: 10/15
    IUD removed 3/2018, TTC naturally until Summer 2019. Seeing RE since 8/2019.
    Current DX: blocked fallopian tube.
    IUI #1 (9/19): 50 mg clomid + Ovidrel --> BFN
    IUI #2 (10/19): 50 mg clomid + Ovidrel --> BFP
    Missed miscarriage and D&C: 12/19
    IVF #1 + PGS: March 2020 [5R, 4M, 3F, 2B, 0 PGS normal] 
    IUI #3 (6/20): 50 mg clomid + Ovidrel —> BFN
    IVF #2 (8/20): changed clinics to try new protocol [7R, 6M, 4F, 1 biopsied so far, waiting on PGS results]


  • @dukie001. Looks like I may be with you in being delayed.  I had my scan and labs yesterday and was so optimistic as my lining looked great, trilameter and 9.7cm, but I just saw my lab results through the quest patient portal and my TSH is over 5 :( I know that ideally it would be below 3.  Its weird because I just went up in dose on my thyroid meds. I haven't heard officially that I am out for this round, but I'm sure no one is in the office so I probably won't hear for sure until Monday... this sucks.
  • @minnesotalove thank you for your encouraging words. You are right, it’s probably for the best to let my body to recharge. I definitely don’t want to waste my last embryos. Fingers crossed that it would help me to get pregnant and more importantly to stay pregnant. 
    @emilynoel810 agh so sorry girl ☹️. Is there still a chance though they let you do it? Or it’s not worth the risk? 
  • So I guess I’m still in limbo. I waited patiently for my appointment today (phone call with Dr) after 2 weeks on birth control. No news from my insurance company so we can’t start anything yet and the timing and protocols are not clear to me. I think they want me to get my next period and then start stimulating the follicles? Hopefully I’ll know more in a day or two, but disappointing because I’d been looking forward to next steps. As unpleasant as they are, action and a schedule really help me feel more in control.
  • @thezaltyberger that’s so weird. Why would they want you to wait for another period? And sorry for you insurance delays. At least they don’t deny coverage. My insurance doesn’t cover IF at all unless it caused by some hazard at work. I hope that misunderstanding gets resolved and you can get the ball rolling 
    thezaltyberger
  • @dukie001 thank you ❤️ how have you been feeling? Today and every day, thank you for your service ❤️❤️❤️
  • @thezaltyberger I’m slowly getting to my normal. Getting off meds and regulating the hormone levels took a tall on me. I knew it was going to affect my mood and emotions, but wow....it was hard. I’ve never been that depressed, no kidding. My husband even suggested that I might need meds for depression 😔. But I’m getting back to being myself again, just had to power through. Also, my period is super heavy this time, something that not usual for me. I’m starting to realize that taking a month break is a good idea. 
    How are you? Have you heard anything from your clinic yet? 
  • ******Potential TW.....******

    Hi everyone,

    I've been off the boards for a little while so just getting caught up. We are TTC #2 and in August after our 3rd FET I was pregnant, but the baby had abnormalities and down syndrome. I was having complications with the pregnancy as well and we made the tough decision to terminate the pregnancy. So, I am back now and hoping to do our next FET either end of January or February, depending how long the clinic makes me wait. 

    I had my first cycle come back December 21st and we also had our remaining 9 embryos PGS tested. We have a follow up appointment on January 12th to go over the results. 

    Hoping 2021 is a better year for all of us! 
    claireloSC
  • @dukie001 Ugh, so sorry you've had such a hard time. Hormonal changes' effects on mood are no joke. I have been seeing a therapist since my first failed transfer and its been a really big help (full disclosure, I am a psychologist myself, so I may be biased). I'm glad you are starting to feel better about taking the break. 

    Welcome @sfield21! I'm so sorry to hear about your experience this fall and that you had to make that tough decision.  We had 9 embryos as well that we PGS tested and got 4 normals. It was such a relief to know. I will be thinking about you on the 12th!

    AFM, I got my thyroid re-tested yesterday and it has normalized and they did extra testing for T3 and T4 and they are normal too, so my RE is not worried about going forward with my transfer on Friday!
  • zaltylouzaltylou member
    edited January 2021
  • zaltylouzaltylou member
    edited January 2021

    test (sorry)

  • edited January 2021
    @dukie001 I'm sorry you've been so down. I really understand what that's like. You've been through so much, and so strong through it. Now your brain and heart are asking for a break. Please trust that this season will pass! I know it will! And in the meantime, and I'm sorry this is so generic, just be kind to yourself. Eat snacks, watch movies, go outside if you're in a warm location, catch up with people you love, pet a cute dog. I lose sight of the silver linings of my life everyday because I'm so focused on this one thing that's not working - and that's absurd!


    I am okay. Grateful for the holiday break. I told that friend I was writing about earlier that I didn't want to talk for a while. She said it felt unfair. We technically made up because she explained that in her head, she was complaining about her brother's behavior rather than the baby reveal, but she now sees what I saw and she's sorry. I can't really ask for anything more than that. She said she couldn't text her other friends because they celebrate Xmas (I don't) and afterward I couldn't help but wonder...why did folks quietly exchanging gifts at home get more consideration than my mental health? I am not making any big decisions now, but I'm not sure how I'll actually get past this with her. Even if IVF works, a little one won't erase her lack of consideration, this time and previous ones.

    I saw two friends last weekend and they shared that they're expecting #3. That really gave me some perspective. I found myself completely able to be thrilled for them, separately from my situation. I shared some of my journey with them, and they just draped me in mountains of love. Their joy and my struggle are not mutually exclusive. It confirmed that I don't actually have a problem with parents or pregnant women. My "friend" above is just genuinely being a jerk. 

    No news from my insurance company, though the clinic says that getting approval by next week is realistic. I'm starting my third week of birth control and the clinic basically told me to just keep taking it (only the active pills) until we get approval, which just feels so weird. It's definitely messing with my moods and poor DH is bearing the brunt of my irritability. 

    Please keep me posted on how you're doing @dukie001 and I'll do the same. Your support has meant so much to me these last few weeks. <3

  • dukie001dukie001 member
    edited January 2021
    @emilynoel810 great news! It’s good that your levels normalized and you got a green light with transfer! 
    I’ve never used counseling services and have no idea how to approach this matter. Back at my old Battalion we had an awesome Chaplain and I often went and talked to him. He was amazing. I’m sure if I call him, he’ll find a minute to talk to me. 
    @thezaltyberger thank you for your kind words 🥰. My husband always tells me to stop with negativity, and he’s being very supportive. But at the end of the day guys can’t understand what we are going through trying to conceive a baby. Shots, poking and probing....it’s tiring. I know of course that the end result is worth all of these things and I’m ready to dive right in. But I’m scared. This last FET that I had, when I POAS and got two lines I allowed myself to be happy. And I think that’s why the disappointment was even greater than just getting a stark white test. Anyways enough of my boohooing 😄 we are all to a new cycle and we’ll be shooting for getting pregnant and staying pregnant!!!
    I just found out about my new position. It’s a teaching job (a class of brand new lieutenants...God help me), not exactly what I was hoping for, but we’ll see. 
    By the way, thumbs up for you dealing with your friend(s). You are strong, be proud of yourself! 
    Edit:
    @sfield21 Sorry you had to come back here. I was sobbing reading your story, I’m so sorry you had to go through it. Hopefully this time around the outcome would be healthy and happy baby 
  • Oof. There’s a reason I haven’t been on the pill in almost a decade 🤦‍♀️I’m on it indefinitely I guess as we wait for insurance approval since the doctor wanted to get ahead by putting me on it early. Finishing week three with no end in sight. I am terribly moody and irritable. I also have this weird brain fog where I can remember clearly how I felt but not necessarily the facts behind the feeling. It’s extremely disorienting. Poor DH is bearing the brunt of it and doing his best, though in the face of his grandpa passing and his mother’s breast cancer diagnosis, he’s running on fumes too. It doesn’t help that I work an extremely intense corporate job that leaves me drained by the end of the day. DH is in nursing school full-time, so I’m on my own paying the mortgage until this summer.

    We’ve been bickering in a way that’s completely not normal for us. I feel extremely alone, which also isn’t normal. I’m worried this does not bode well for all the hormones that are still waiting for me down the line. Today was a low day :(
  • @thezaltyberger sorry you feeling down, I understand, being in the limbo is so frustrating. I think as soon as you start you stims things will get better. That way you’ll have something to get to, like an end result or goal...I’m very goal-oriented, otherwise I loose interest. Hang on there 🥰. I’m in a waiting room too. Just got done with my first period and on to waiting for the second one. Usually I have short and consistent cycles. So marking my calendar. I also emailed my nurse with request for information. I don’t know if they want to change my protocol or not. 
    thezaltyberger
  • I guess some silver lining is that my insurance approval came through this morning. I'm waiting for directions on how this journey will begin/continue and I cannot WAIT to get the heck off birth control. I should know more today. I can't believe I'm actually excited for the shots. I just want to be able to take tangible action instead of wait indefinitely...
  • I am officially 4dp5dt of a 4BB PGS tested normal embryo. Feeling good (actually better than I was before the transfer, so not sure what that means?). My clinic is letting me test 2 days earlier than originally planned so first beta is Monday at 8am.  I am going to try incredibly hard not to home test before then.  It works out great because Monday is MLK day so neither my husband nor I will have to work, we can just wait for the call....
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