Randoms (1/27-2/2)

mamaj1220

@pirateduck see that is where I lose my shit, you know when trash day is, WHY DO YOU NEED ME TO DIRECT YOU!!!! As you can tell this makes me all kind of ragey lol.

pirateduck

@mamaj1220 exactly.  I get it, at 6:30 in the morning on trash day, you might forget what day it is and forget to bring it to the curb, but when you pass the can at the end of the driveway numerous times and can see it from the window it should dawn on you that it has to come back in at some point!

pirateduck

ok ok we need to change the subject to something less irritating... 

what are you most excited about teaching your son/daughter?  or what hobbies/activities are you most excited about sharing with them?

rox7777

@pirateduck My kids are aliens with weird hobbies and interests. I swear we have nothing in common. If I have to listen to one more play by play of the entire Mario odyssey game and all it’s possible hacks, I might lose it.

drkoyya

I'm late to the conversation but DH is exactly the same. In my most recent pregnancy breakdown, I confessed that I don't think he's going to support me once the baby comes because he doesn't help with anything around the house. He says that he knows that once baby comes he'll be responsible for the housework, but we'll see what happens ... I love the idea of a chore chart. I've told him that we need to sit down and discuss what our roles will be once baby comes. As of now I do everything. I'll give him some credit. He does put his towel away after he showers now (when we first started living together that did not happen). Yesterday, he even put his pocket change in the change jar before throwing it in the hamper. I was so excited He's trying, I just wish some days that he would try harder and more consistently

heyybritt

@pirateduck hmm, can't think of a hobby per se but I am SO excited to introduce him to my favorite books. I already know which children's books I want to make sure we have and will be so excited when I get to read Harry Potter with him the first time. I know that is several years down the road but I have already thought about how special that will be to me.

soprano19

@heyybritt yes to introducing our kids to Harry Potter! I can't wait.

Our kids will definitely start piano lessons in elementary school. We already try to foster excitement about music with DD1 by playing various instruments with her (piano, guitar, and trumpet at home) and exposing her to my music program at school as much as possible. She loves coming to marching band rehearsals and "helping" conduct, and she likes to play all the percussion instruments in my classroom. We also do a ton of singing with her.

Aside from that, I'm looking forward to camping with them when they are a little older (we've gone with DD1, but she has trouble staying asleep in the tent when it gets cold at night, so that's slightly less than enjoyable). I know H is really excited about introducing them to video games in the right manner, i.e. games that are collaborative (so he can play with them) and have simple story lines or goals when they first start out. My parents were pretty anti-video games, so I didn't grow up with them, but as a parent now I'm all for H and our kids playing together because it fosters interaction.

heyybritt

@soprano19 MH is excited to share video games too. He said the other day that he can't wait for when our kid can't beat a level and asks dad to help him so they can play together.

thepretzelchick

I'm excited to share all of our nerd things. Harry Potter for me, Star Wars for DH (and me to some extent, but my Star Wars canon is just episodes 4-6). We got to have a moment a few weeks ago with DS that we discussed having when we were engaged: we recorded him finding out that Darth Vader is Anakin Skywalker (spoiler?). That was exciting. I actually found a really cool print for above this baby's crib that is Darth Vader fighting Harry Potter, and DH approved.

We live in a multigenerational house and my dad is a musician, so there are guitars, bongos, a djembe, etc in his studio and in my parents' great room. The kids get to have jam sessions with Papa and have gone to sleep many nights to the sound of electric guitar + amp, just as I did as a kid. Neither of them have rhythm but they have a blast and love music, so I'm excited for this little dude to join in.

lisush

@pirateduck I was gonna jump in late on the H that doesn't pull his weight discussion but I'll skip it now haha. 

I'm excited to cook/bake with my LO years down the road. Also watching her with dogs is something I'm looking forward to because kids and dogs are just too freaking cute. I hope she's as obsessed with them as I am. Maybe she'll like crafts like I did growing up and we can make lots of fun stuff together .

miss_lynn9

I'm also excited to cook and bake with my little. I'm really looking forward to taking them to the mountains to go hiking and camping. 

sunshinesea22

I know it’s a sore subject but the unequal division of labor can be a real problem after kids. It can lead to lots of resentment and decreased relationship satisfaction. On average women do 1.5 hours more per day of household chores and child rearing activities than their male partners. So ladies do whatever it takes to get your man to take out the trash, do the dishes, and fold some laundry. It’ll only help your relationship. 

I feel very fortunate to have trained MH from the early days. He does the bulk of the housework now and I feel it’ll probably even out once baby gets here.
Hell if it helps, tell him you’ll have more time and energy for sex if he steps it up in the chores department!

cmhme

To the division of chores convo: If you have a very visual husband, something that has started a better discussion about chores in my house is the book "Fair Play". I listened to the author speak once and it sounded like a great concept. Couldn't get DH to read the book but you can download "cards" that illustrate all the different aspects of running a household. When i laid out all the cards into what he does and what i do i think it really opened his eyes to what i was doing without him even noticing. I dont want you to think things changed over night and its magical now but he does seem to at least recognize what i contribute more. I hope to have another discussion soon about him taking over more of my "cards."

To the hobbies convo: It would bring me amazing joy if i had a musical child and NOT an athletic child. I do not get sports nor want to spend the next 18 years watching them.

catem07

cmhme my husband and I often talk about the idea sports for a kid to play, from a parent spectator perspective. 

chewie5990

@pirateduck you can probably relate to this - but we love sharing our love for the mountains with DS and can't wait to do it again with this baby! This is DS's second year snowboarding and he's LOVING it - BTW you definitely need to check out Loveland's Winter Wiggler program in a few years - I think its 2-4 years old, DS went last year and is going again this year starting next week. It's an all day program 9-2 and they do a bunch of winter activities for pre schoolers through the Forest and Wildlife Service and they also do snowboard or ski lessons for 3 hours out of the day. DS has soo much fun!! 

Other than that - we enjoy teaching all the "soft skills" like empathy and general be a good human type stuff. It's so rewarding when you see your little kid help someone without prompting, or say something so caring/loving to someone else. 

chewie5990

On the chores/housework discussion - this is something MH and I struggle a lot with because we grew up so different culturally. I grew up with my dad doing a lot of housework - he cooked, cleaned, did yard work, dishes, whatever - and he worked 40-50 hours a week while my mom was a stay at home mom. My mom also did a lot of housework and yard work too. It was very much "equal" and everyone pitched in. period. 

MH though comes from a very traditional Mexican family with traditional values in that the men are treated as kings. My FIL is a super hard worker and provides for his family and does all the outside work - but he will not lift a finger in the kitchen, do laundry, vacuum, or anything like that - and my MIL would be appalled if he even tried. MH definitely moved out not knowing how to work a washer/dryer, dishwasher, or really do any type of real "cleaning" and since he was the youngest of 5 boys he also never really had to do any labor type work either. We've been together for 10 years and it's caused many arguments, but I think we are finally at a place that is more equal and he definitely pulls his weight more. I do still have to ask him to do dishes and he's responsibly for planning/executing one weekday dinner every week. I don't care if he orders pizza, but he's completely in charge so I don't have to think about it. 

pourmeanothermocktail

Looking forward to sharing Star Wars and Harry Potter love with kiddos. And musical instruments. Hopefully by the time current baby is 1 or 2 we will be able to more regularly at least play around with them.

Our oldest has tent camped twice now, and hoping we'll go again either fall 2020 (somewhere very close for just 1 night, or maybe we'll just do backyard) or summer 2021 with our friends. We love to go with our adult friends who have no kids, so it's easier to spread out the cooking, cleaning, set up tasks amongst more bodies! Our oldest went at barely 1, and barely 2, when I was like 28 weeks pregnant with my second. We had 4 friend weddings last summer, so even though we felt ready to take a 3 year old and almost 1 year old, we didn't have enough weekend time between the weddings, bachelor(ette) parties. This coming summer unlikely to want tiny baby to go, but again, maybe for a full day outside, some local hiking and parks, all meals outside, and then daddy and big kids sleep in tent in backyard (we're on a half acre which backs up to thousands of acres of  corn fields), with newborn and mommy sleeping inside.

rox7777

For those that struggle with husbands and household stuff, start small, and I mean very small. MH was an only child and a boy, so his mom had him spoiled and very entitled. He hates dishes, messes up laundry and don’t get me started on toilets. However, he’s a pretty decent cook and he doesn’t mind vacuuming/mopping. Twice a month he’s responsible for mopping, he tries to vacuum once a week and when I meal plan I add something simple that he can handle. 

 

Ground beef is stupid simple even for those that are cooking challenged, so he usually handles tacos or spaghetti. 

ruby696

Re: division of labor - I agree that things you could tolerate when you didn't have kids, become a problem once baby arrives. The bottom line is we can't do it all. That goes for SAHM's too. MH and I have different days off. You can be damn sure that when one of us gets home from work, the at home parent gets a break. I also feel pretty strongly that it's important for parents to model a strong, healthy relationship for their kids. If nothing else, men need to set a good example to their sons and daughters about how family works and how spouses/partners should be treated.

@chewie5990 MH is Mexican too. The only benefit to having an overbearing MIL is that MH is pretty reasonable when it comes to doing things the way I want. I also come from a family where boys washed dishes and girls did yardwork, I don't do well with more traditional gender rolls. If I can rake leaves and mow the lawn, MH can fold laundry and vacuum. 

shamrocandroll

I'm just gonna leave this here. 

pirateduck

I started individuals responses but there are too many, you ladies are making me excited about sharing ALLLL the things!  

At the top of the list is sharing our love for the mountains and the outdoors, skiing/snowboarding/etc. in winter and hiking/camping/exploring in summer.

We have a music room in our house and I regret to say I have no musical talent, but my husband is a natural and there are plenty of different instruments to experiment with.  I also enjoy things like painting and arts and crafts.

Any sport is fair game for boys or girls to try, as long as they are active and not couch potatoes!

and you ladies reminded me I can't wait to share allll the books as well as some of our favorite movies.

The other bit that goes hand in hand with our love of the outdoors is a love and respect for the plants and animals, we have dogs and cats and chickens and ducks and a garden I can't wait to see our little snuggled on the dog or watching a duckling hatch out of its shell for the first time, but also learning we have to care for these creatures, feed the animals, water the plants, etc. that they need our help and teach some responsibility.

And while I got up with no rest and was bitching about my husband yesterday, I did take some unisom and slept last night and my husband slept on the couch so he could care for our elderly dog and I could sleep all night, and he took care of the chickens and ducks this morning so I could sleep more and focus on getting out the door to work, so yeah, he does step up sometimes too.

emlettuce

@pirateduck I share have zero musical talent but married into a super musical family. Both MIL and FIL are music teachers and DH plays three instruments. So hopefully my kiddos inherented some of that but even if they're terrible at least the lessons will be free 

pirateduck

Yes to the free lessons @emlettuce !  My husband can look at the chords of a song online and in less than five minutes play it recognizably on both the guitar and the piano and then add in a beat.  This is all far beyond my comprehension 

shamrocandroll

Delayed response to the hobbies question, but DS is 3(+) now and things I absolutely love sharing with him now include:

• Showing him songs I like and having him like them too.
• We took him to his first concert last weekend and he was mesmerized and I almost cried watching his face
• Taking him hiking and having him actually hike along side of us for some of it was pretty awesome last year
• Watching his love of instruments.  He's definitely going to be some sort of musician.
• Sharing Disney movies from my childhood with him
• Cooking/baking with him and teaching him about different types of cuisine
• Reading with him and watching his fascination with books
• So far he's not athletic at all, like his momma, but he loooooves to run, which I hope sticks with him because I was never a good runner but always wished I was
• Being out on the boat/in the water
• Loving nature and outdoors in general

Also, I cannot wait to watch him become a big brother!  I think he's going to be so good at it. 

pirateduck

venting here about my HR department, in their defense there has been turnover and restructuring at the end of 2019 into 2020, but still this is their job...

So it's the end of January, I've been to the doctor already and will continue to go since I'm pregnant and all, but hadn't received new insurance cards or any info about my new HSA at all.  I did confirm by looking at pay stubs that money came off my pay check for these things and the appropriate changes were reflected for 2020, so I assumed I was registered.  My insurance card just showed up in the mail, but still nothing about the HSA so I reached out to someone.  The money has come out of my paycheck but my HSA shows zero balance and they said my account could not be properly set up because they need things like a photocopy of my license and social security card.  Why did no one ever ask me for this stuff?  I could have provided it months ago when I signed up if someone would have told me they needed it!  Also they apparently mailed my debit card to an invalid address even though they have the correct mailing address on file.  Again, why has no one been in touch about these things?  I could have just gone on the next few months assuming all was right in the world until I went to make a big withdraw to pay my deductible at labor and delivery time and then I'd be dealing with a paperwork nightmare while dealing with recovery and an infant.  I'm glad I caught it now, but really annoyed by the whole situation.

lisush

@pirateduck that's so obnoxious and I totally sympathize about incompetent HR departments. Mine have been making my life crazy too (for other reasons). Hopefully since the money has been coming out of your paycheck it's just a matter of getting the account sorted out and then you won't have to deal with any other issues.

shamrocandroll

@pirateduck That is odd.  I have a Cigna HSA and I do not recall having to do any of that.  They just sent my debit card around the same time as my insurance cards.  

pirateduck

@shamrocandroll the HSA is through a third party, Discovery Benefits, even though my primary insurance is with Cigna.

Also though my HR department should have my DL and SSN info/proof on file as everything was updated with them when I got married and changed my name, but again, if they needed this from me, they should have asked.  It will all get sorted I'm sure, but it's annoying and I don't feel like it should be my problem.  

lisush

@pirateduck I have the same one and didn't have to do anything extra. I don't think HR had mine in file either because I used my passport for my i9. Very interesting

soprano19

I'm happy there are so many music people and outdoors people here!

louessbee

I think I'm mostly excited to see what they're interested in, and how they develop. That said, DH and I love boardgames, and we've already started talking about games that work for younger kids and how we can get them into gaming. I l would love to do crafty and creative things with them, too. 

I grew up in scouting, and I really want them both to get involved with that, too. We shall see.

pourmeanothermocktail

For anyone who is interested in board games for young kiddos beyond just Candy Land, I highly recommend Animal Upon Animal and Uno Moo. Fantastic options for the under 4 crowd. And the pieces likely won't get ruined by younger siblings.

jhysmath

I love to see what dd is into and go with that. She loves playing outside in the summer. We spend very little time indoors and she gets restless when we're stuck inside, so I don't know how that's going to work with a newborn this summe , her first summer when she was a newborn I was inside with my boobs out most of the time.

She loves our side by side and taking rides and pretending to drive out of "fix it" with tools.

This summer I'm excited to start a garden with her and I've been loving having her "help" cook. I'm hoping this little one has some interests that are similar but also different than dd. 

rox7777

@jhysmath My boys are very much used to spending all day, everyday in the pool. Usually 6-8 hours a day in the summer. Ive already bought a nice big blow up water/pool center for the back yard (summer clearance!), a mesh cover for the back door to keep bugs out, a water table for DS2 and a few other things I think will keep them occupied. We’re redoing the back patio this spring so I’m hoping for a new set with a large umbrella and maybe some kind of outdoor fan. 

Basically we won’t be at the pool for hours on end, but I’m setting up a back yard oasis to keep them occupied. They would destroy my house otherwise. Or spend all day wrestling. 

splashmountain

@rox7777 your outdoor oasis sounds fun! DS loves his splash table and kiddie pool so I'm sure your boys will as well!

pourmeanothermocktail

@rox7777 We'll have a similar here. Two kiddie pools, water table, we'll have driveway space blocked by car to have 2 or 3 kid vehicles and a bike, plus a swing set with monkey bars (kids too little yet), rock wall, and slide.And sidewalk chalk! Two different sprinklers for really hot days (1 at a time, but still!) and I'm hoping to set myself up in shade in garage with baby. Also hoping to find a quick cheap playard to set baby in safely in case older kids need help (they'll be barely 4 and not-quite-2 when school starts). Crossing fingers that we can also get a kid roller coaster right around birth. 

lajoliedreamer

Those looking for board games for littles, our favorites right now are Sneaky, Snacky Squirrel and First Orchard for DD (age 3). 

I hadn’t even really thought much about keeping DD occupied this summer. She’ll still be in daycare full time, but I probably at least need to replace our holey kiddie pool for days at home. We just moved in last summer so this year we’re hoping to get some kind of playset, though it may just be a climbing dome to start. 

ruby696

DD and DS will both be home all summer for the first time. I signed them up for a handful of 2 hr camps and one week at an all day horse camp. We have the blow up pool in the backyard and the park nearby, but I feel like they're going to need more stimulation and I'm going to have my hands full with two babies. I'm also hoping to exhaust them so they sleep through all the night activity.

catem07

My older daughter who will be 3 will stay in daycare while I'm on maternity leave. Our summer go-to is our water table. We have an enclosed deck so that's pretty perfect since she can't get anywhere but back in the house. We'll probably take family walks when she and DH get home from work/daycare.

afranzen85

@ruby696 not sure how old DD and DS are, but water play(sprinklers, slip n slide, wayer table, etc...), gymnastic open gyms, library storytimes/clubs, bike rides/walks, playdates with friends, and lots of park play are what I use during summers with my 2, 3, and 7 year old.