Randoms (1/27-2/2)

pourmeanothermocktail

@shamrocandroll Yeah, that's roughly the same as my getting hit stories. That first one sounds legit, like anyone wishing infertility on anyone (who isn't hoping for infertility!) is so entirely awful...she did totally deserve that.

brettanomyces

The difference between cupcakes and muffins is the ratio/proportions of the ingredients. Muffins are quick breads (they use baking powder), cupcakes might use baking powder so could technically also be quick breads but generally have more eggs. 

emlettuce

@brettanomyces I was on board with the "icing makes a cupcake" answer but I appreciate the science in this one

lajoliedreamer

Happy Birthday @babyfoxden10 and @mamaqdubu!! 

louessbee

@mamaj1220 I was going to go with "what time of day you eat them", but I like @brettanomyces sciencey answer better...

@bananapanda Late to the game on this one, but I 100% had chicken pox as a kid (I remember the itching and the oat bath and the calamine lotion vividly!) and still tested negative for immunity last year, had to get the vaccine before my RE would allow us to start treatment. 

Happy Birthday @babyfoxden10 and @mamaqdubu!

soprano19

Late to the muffin/cupcake party, but voicing my support for icing or lack thereof making the difference. Also cupcakes have a more fluffy cake-like texture, which I guess makes sense, and muffins are more dense like bread.

m6agua

@babyfoxden10 @mamaqdubu Happy belated birthday.

@pourmeanothermocktail @shamrocandroll @rox7777 I also got a couple warnings last time around. I don't remember the exact details but they weren't even that bad. I think it depends on if they know TB well enough to use the report button.

+1 for muffins being more dense than cupcakes. It for sure is the texture, muffins are more similar to fancy bread than cupcakes to me.

shamrocandroll

Also, a muffin can be very easily made in loaf form.  Like corn muffins and corn bread are basically the same recipe, but different shapes.  Or pumpkin muffins/bread.

Although..... what about coffee coffee cake muffins!?  🤯

heyybritt

Well now I just want a cupcake for breakfast.

pirateduck

I had a complete breakdown this morning.  It was definitely a culmination of things.  For starters, I think the insomnia may actually kill me.  I think I sleep a cumulative hour a night in which I have bad dreams and that's about it.  It's been this way since the beginning of pregnancy.  Yay for hormones.  I spent 5 minutes desperately searching for a hair tie, um, yeah, it was in my hair already the whole time.  I then spent 5 minutes searching for a specific pair of pants in the closet, which I specifically put in the laundry the other day and is the only pair of pants I own that is actually in the dirty laundry, I knew this.  Then I spent a lot of time yelling at poor hubby, but seriously, the freakin house would burn to the ground or implode or something if I didn't live there.  I need him to be responsible for something for once in his life.  I can't do everything.  I have a full plate already.  I can hardly handle no sleep plus pregnancy plus 40 hours of work a week.  But then I have to do all the cleaning, handle all the bills, go to the post office/bank/etc., he can't seem to go to the grocery store without me, take care of all the pets, seriously, he only works like 2 days a week in winter, he's gotta step up, I'm losing my mind.  The current battle is that he needs to schedule plumbing/HVAC work in our house with his former boss before we run out of propane, or take some initiative and call the propane company and get more to buy us more time, but if we are without hot water for weeks because he can't make a phone call I'm seriously gonna lose it.  

randic22

@pirateduck how did he respond? Does he say he is going to make more of an effort? My husband literally said he didnt realize all that I do for the household until I flipped out and expressed it. I also may have raged on him recently haha

lisush

@pirateduck ugh I'm sorry that sucks. You can't do it all yourself! Is he willing to try harder with stuff?

pourmeanothermocktail

@pirateduck Hugs. Yeah, YH needs to do his share, which sounds like more than half currently. And yes, insomnia makes it so much harder to get through anything. On suggestions for making him listen, but agreed, he needs to get his crap together. Growing humans is freaking hard!

pirateduck

@randic22 the flip out about taking care of the house is a semi routine occurrence.  He might help for the day, but nothing ever changes long term.  He did call the plumber on the spot this morning and made plans to meet with him (that only took about 6 months).  I will say to him that I can't do x until I'm done vacuuming (for example) and that the house doesn't automatically clean itself and I have to make time to do these things every week, like did he ever notice how we never run out of clean towels?  It's a miracle or something.  But then he might start cooking dinner while I vacuum, or splitting wood while I mop, but he wouldn't take initiative to do any of these things on his own.  He will give me money for the bills but only after I pay them all on time and ask for cash every other day for 2 weeks.  His brain is just not in the same place. 

pirateduck

I feel bad venting because over all he takes good care of me, BUT if I don't explicitly ask for help with something 200 times in a row, it doesn't happen.  I wish I didn't even have to ask.  I wish I'd just come home to a clean house for one day of my life.  Could I just give him some cash on the first of every month and call it good and know that all of our bills will be paid on time?  In summer he works a ton and isn't home as much so my expectations are different, but right now he's home much more than I am, ugh.

mokay19

@pourmeanothermocktail what's your belly and jock strap belt called?  My midwife recommended I look for something like that since I was saying that I feel like my vagina is "sagging"


The cupcake/muffin discussion is making me all sorts of hungry!

Also, this thread BLEW UP!  I love reading through and love titting things.  Sorry if I can't always add in!

shamrocandroll

@pirateduck Sorry you're feeling mentally and physically overloaded.  I've found it most helpful to give MH explicit tasks.  I hate to suggest a chore chart for your H like he's a child, but it sounds like you really do need some sort of schedule and explicitly give him tasks that are his job.  MH cleans the kitchen every night while I do laundry.  We agreed on that after DS was born and I was feeling overloaded and blew up at him on more than one occasion over whose turn it was to do what chores.  So we assigned chores and agreed every night until 8pm, we each work on our assigned chores.  If I finish early, I go help him, and vice versa.  Or one of us does another less frequent chore if we have time left over (like clean the toilets).  Then, we both get to go sit down after those chores are done.

pirateduck

@shamrocandroll we might really need a chore chart.  I have a list for myself that I try and get through weekly, which helps, because as long as something is on the list, I can avoid worrying about it until the time comes.  It all seems manageable if/when I actually sleep, but right now life feels overwhelming.  Also the realization of how little time is left in this pregnancy is starting to sink in and be terrifying!  Maybe if we split the same chores, like I will vacuum downstairs if he does upstairs or something...  hmm...  there's got to be a better balance.  I think tonight it's time to hit the unisom.  I'm not a huge fan, but it helps.

bananapanda

@pirateduck I have similar sentiments as @shamrocandroll.  MH used to be so oblivious to everything I did.  When we were first together he literally commented one time how his toothpaste had lasted for over a year because he honestly didn't realize I was buying more and replacing it when it was low. Also he has selective hearing and ignores half of the things I say but if I was gone and left him a list he would often do at least some of the things on it.  But not too many. and he would complain that if the list was too long it was overwhelming so he would do none of them lol.  Honestly once DD was born things did get better like he grew up some.  Now he does the majority of the cooking and the dishes while I do laundry and other things.  Then he gives DD a bath and I put her to bed while he cleans up the toys for the day.  We have a good system now so maybe there is hope that you can figure something out that will work for you. Hopefully sooner rather than later!

pourmeanothermocktail

@mokay19 I did this brand, and did a support band plus the groin bands. https://babybellyband.com/

And @pirateduck and @shamrocandroll I loathe having to specifically tell him exactly what to do and when to do it. Because that adds to the number of things I have to keep my eye and mind on and juggle, and when I'm tired or kids are screaming, my brain scrambles and can't remember all the balls to keep in the air.

ruby696

@pirateduck I have a list of chores for each day of the week, and the person. Who does them, posted on the refrigerator. MH knows that on Monday, he has to dust and vacuum and on Tuesday, he has to wash all the sheets and put clean sheets on everyone's bed, etc. I generally do a lot more, but I'm okay with that because I assign him the things I hate doing. It works really well because he knows exactly what's expected of him.

He does do extra stuff daily, like unloading the dishwasher, etc., which is nice and I always make a point to gush about how great he is. Which is bs, because I don't get a medal when I do the dishes, but I do it anyway because I know it encourages him and I just want the damn dishes to be done or the laundry to be folded. 

pirateduck

@bananapanda yes, that exactly, my husband is oblivious and would also think it was the longest lasting tube of toothpaste in the world.  Any non-edible household product must last for years, magically there is always hand soap and carpet cleaner for pet messes and a new roll of paper towels to be found and clean sheets and towels.  If you are not familiar with it, look up the magic coffee table video on Youtube.  I think I wanted to both cry and laugh so hard I'd pee my pants the first time I saw it.

heyybritt

@pirateduck we do something similar to @shamrocandroll. I have to tell him what I want explicitly done and when I would like it to be done. I will say he is very good about asking if I am cleaning and he hasn't been given a task. Sometimes he needs to be reminded more than once but if I am VERY clear at the beginning I notice he is more likely to do it. It's so frustrating when you have to tell them more than once.

We've already had a conversation about what house tasks I'd like him to take over once baby is here, and I think we'll have another one again as we get closer. Maybe you guys can sit down and say "ok, once baby is here I will need you to do xyz because I won't be able to do all of these tasks anymore" or something.

pirateduck

@ruby696 Good point.  I feel like I'm not good enough about the gushing.  If he does something I definitely need to sing praises instead of honing in on the other something that didn't get done, then I'm just unappreciative or something.

lajoliedreamer

@pirateduck I was going to suggest unisom, I hope that helps and you get real sleep tonight! 

The mental load most women constantly take on is no joke. MH is better at stepping up then most, but it can still feel unbalanced because there are so many things that he just doesn't think about unless I mention it. 

I had no idea groin bands were a thing, but have been feeling "looser" down there this pregnancy so maybe I'll bring it up to my midwife at my appt next week.

m6agua

@lajoliedreamer Yes the mental load is insane!

My DH is a lot like yours @pirateduck I have he "I need help around the house" conversation a lot with him. He does great for a short bit, but then a lot falls back on me. Sometimes he even gets defensive and talks about all the things he does. Since that came to light I try to compare less  and make it more about what I need and how I'm feeling overwhelmed. It is always a work in progress.

On that note, his days off are usually during the week and usually on the days DD goes to daycare, while mine are off on the weekends so I have DD, while he works. He usually gets little to nothing done on his days off alone, while I get a ton of shit done at the expense of my time with DD because it needs to be done.

ruby696

@m6agua MH has two days off during the week and I load him up on all the stuff I don't want to deal with on the weekends. He does our Costco run, buys dog food, and runs any errands that come up (doctor appts, target if needed, etc.). He has DD those days but IDGAF. I have both kids on the weekends, there are more people out and errands are harder. Sometimes I ask them to bring me lunch while they're out. 😁

mokay19

@pirateduck I totally feel the frustrations of having to specifically tell your DH what to do.  I just wish they could remember "hey, last week I was asked to help with laundry.. maybe I should help again this week!"  My DH got annoyed with my "huffing and puffing" recently and I told him "well, I wouldn't have to huff and puff if you would just HELP ME!" 

shamrocandroll

@pourmeanothermocktail I get that, but if the alternative is him happily living in filth while I wait for him to have this grand epiphany that I need more help on his own, well... that won't be good for anyone involved.  That's why our tasks are set and don't change.  Now he knows what tasks are expected of him, and which ones I'm doing, and we field the off-things that need to happen as they come.  If we just talk about it ahead of time, he's much more willing to help me.  Like, I said to him this weekend "Not right now, but on Monday or Tuesday this week, I need you to clean the toilet."  So then on Tuesday when I asked if he was going to clean the toilet, he expected it and it didn't turn into to a big fight. 

ALSO, another big thing I've learned the hard way is if I ask him for help with something, I can NOT nag him about it if he doesn't do a good enough job with it.  I have to just suck it up and be thankful he helped at all, or secretly re-do it the right way when he's not looking.  Otherwise, he'll lose all motivation to help in the future.  I also have to be careful about focusing on the things he DOES do, instead of the things he DOSN'T do, both for my own sanity and for the sake of his willing cooperation.  It took me a little while to get to this point and I'm still not perfect at it, but it's helped a lot.  I can't expect him to be motivated to help if I'm just going to nag him about doing it wrong or not doing more.  

ETA fixed typo

catem07

@shamrocandroll My mom is so bad about that second part with my stepdad. My husband's jobs are his jobs and he does them as he'll do them. Like he tossed Halloween pumpkins in the woods behind our house instead of taking them to the compost. Until that's a problem, it's not a problem. 

shamrocandroll

@catem07 My MIL does nothing but nag my SFIL, and then wonders why he never wants to do anything for her.  I was over there once, and she started nagging him about helping her clean the kitchen.  So he got up and started cleaning the kitchen, and she started screaming at him about doing it wrong or using the wrong stuff.  So he turned around and went back to sitting in his recliner, haha.  

m6agua

knottie1-thousand Who are you?

Everyone... I would not click on the link, it is probably spam or a virus.

ETA: They joined TB January 9th and this is their one and only post ever.

pourmeanothermocktail

@shamrocandroll I definitely don't disagree, but that doesn't change my hatred of it, lol. I've tried to get him to agree to just set tasks, but he "can't remember them" or when to do them, and "thinks posts lists/charts are dumb/demeaning." I think your plan is great, other than I'm incapable of gushing, but he expresses no thanks for everything I do while limping around. I'm not sure what the answer for us is, but I keep trying. Some days are better than others.I just get tired of things falling thru the cracks when I have to write down a new list every week. 

And, I'm still laughing about this, I left a detailed 6 point list for him to run on the dryer (usually laundry is my thing, so I was trying to be very specific) when I went to bed early once last week. With the detailed, many point list, that I verbally went over with him and handed to him, he still failed at the correct cycle.

It wasn't a big deal, and we laughed about it, I wasn't upset, but this is the dude I'm working with..

shamrocandroll

@pourmeanothermocktail Hahaha, that sounds familiar.  Me: "Can you put this in the dryer, 60 minutes, low heat, with wrinkle guard on?" Him: "How do you know these things?"    

catem07

lol no. What a lame pitch. 

pourmeanothermocktail

shamrocandroll said:

@pourmeanothermocktail Hahaha, that sounds familiar.  Me: "Can you put this in the dryer, 60 minutes, low heat, with wrinkle guard on?" Him: "How do you know these things?"    

Dude, I don't care whether or not he knows these things, I care that if I ask for a specific cycle, he can actually put it on said cycle. And we have cheap simple machines. Dryer has one dial and a start button. Come on now! 

m6agua

@shamrocandroll That reminds me. The other day our dryer had the wrinkle shield setting on. So even though it was done drying it kept coming back on for a couple minutes. DH was getting so mad and didn't understand why it kept cycling back on. I told him that some setting was probably turned on. He didn't understand,  and said he has never had it do that before... I have. I looked at it and yup... the wrinkle shield setting was on.

mamaj1220

DF drives me insane with helping too. He is willing to but come on man, you are an adult too I should not have to tell you that oh the garbage is full please take it out or to switch the laundry over (when he freaking started it). It drives me nuts but then I also know his mom, and she makes every excuse about how he shouldn't have to. Listen lady you wanna live like the 1920's and do everything your husband go for it, but in my house (esp because I work more hours) we spilt things plain and simple. 

pirateduck

@shamrocandroll I don't think my husband actually knows how to turn on/use the dishwasher beyond putting dirty dishes in (at my direction) and removing clean dishes (at my direction).  We have had the same dishwasher for 4 years now.

pirateduck

@mamaj1220 our empty trash can just sat by the road for two days because I didn't bring it in, nor did I ask my husband to bring it in.