Randoms (1/27-2/2)

shamrocandroll

bananapanda

To start off on a positive note after all the stories of terrible parents and IL's in last week's random thread I spent the weekend with my mom letting her take care of me and did nothing all weekend.  We already planned to see her Saturday, but when I picked DD up from daycare Friday she was crying she wanted to go to Grandma's and was so heartbroken.  I felt terrible from the dizziness all day and didn't want to adult that evening.  DH already had weekend plans to work on his race car in the same town as my parents live so we ended up going Friday night and staying all weekend.  DH was gone most of the weekend, but my mom took care of me and DD doing everything for us.  DD slept in her bed so I had completely uninterrupted slept (Friday I slept 10 hours without even waking up to pee!!), she made me my favorite breakfast sandwich, ran and grabbed lunch, and did everything for DD while I sat on the couch watching tv or reading mostly.  I felt a little guilty, but sometimes you just need your momma to take care of you

heyybritt

@bananapanda that sounds like a lovely weekend! Sometimes you just need your mom. I just asked my mom this weekend if she would come visit us so she can help me get organized and spend some time together before the baby comes.

bender29

@bananapanda I pretty much had the same VIP treatment this weekend with my mom, minus the kiddo. She took me to Olive Garden, made me spaghetti, and took me shopping to pick fabric out for her to make the babies some blankets. So true, some times you just need your momma

afranzen85

@bananapanda that sounds like a great weekend.

My dad took my 3 kids Saturday night on his birthday(his idea). My husband and I got to go to dinner and a movie plus uninterrupted sleep! It was just what we needed.

catem07

DH and I are going on a mini-babymoon this weekend. We're headed to Bar Harbor for the night on Saturday. It'll be totally dead with it being winter, but IDC. The hotel was really cheap and we're offloading DD onto my ILs for the weekend. 

ruby696

I'm spending the morning at the DMV to get my real ID. So much fun. 😒

shamrocandroll

@catem07 I loooove Bar Harbor!  We went to Portland and Freeport on our babymoon in '16 (it was in the summer, though) and I ate all the lobster and ice cream!  

pourmeanothermocktail

I had a super physically hard week last week, was on my feet way too much, then DH, had 8 hours of traffic school Saturday, and being home with both kids wrecked me so bad after the long week that I'm barely walking. Like crawling up the stairs. I just placed an order for an adult mobility walker with seat, hoping that will help me get around. It's bad. So my husband took the kids almost all day Sunday so I could just rest. It was glorious. 

But it's apparent the damage is just done though to my pelvis. Even after a super restful day my night sleep was affected by more pain than before. I'm having a really hard time today with both kids alone. Hoping walker helps!

pirateduck

@ruby696 just a week ago my friend got me super paranoid about the real ID thing.  We have a PO box and don't get mail at the house so it can be hard to find documents to prove our physical address, among other things.  I could have sworn I was somehow grandfathered in because of the state I live in.  Turns out when I got married 4 years ago and got my new ID with my name change it is a REAL ID.  I am thrilled I do not have to do this again.  I hope you have everything you need in terms of documents and your morning is relatively painless and you don't have to go back and try a second time.  Fingers crossed it's speedy too!

ruby696

@pirateduck It was relatively painless, but I'm paranoid that they'll need to see more documents - they didn't review/scan everything I brought. At least they forgot to punch my license, so I still feel like I have a real license and not just the interim paper license.

emlettuce

@ruby696 ugh I was at the DMV for 3+ hours when I had to do that. Hopefully it's not that bad for you

pirateduck

@ruby696 I know what you mean about the paper license.  One state I lived in would actually print your new one on the spot and laminate it.  I miss that.

catem07

Tennessee printed on the spot. Massachusetts and Maine don't. I still haven't gotten my real ID because I don't want to pay for it...but I have a passport so it's not actually necessary. 

ruby696

@catem07 I had to renew my license anyway, so it seemed like a good time. Plus, I sometimes have to be in federal courthouses and I think I'm going to need it to be allowed in. Although maybe if I was smarter, I would have told my boss that i don't have a real ID, so I can't go. 😆

shamrocandroll

@ruby696 So glad it wasn't bad!  I had to do that last May when mine expired, and I waited until the last minute and then had to wait about 3 hours to get mine squared away.  MA used to send you your actual card in something like 3-5 business days, but with NH it was something like 3-4 weeks!  Glad to have it out of the way, though!

catem07

@ruby696 We moved states, so I really should change mine...

heyybritt

@pourmeanothermocktail sorry to hear that you're in so much pain. FX that the walker helps!

jhysmath

Our small town dmv is only open the first and third Friday of the month but getting things done through there is pretty easy and quick as long as drivers ed didn't finish up that week. When I lived in the "big city" of nh we would have to wait forever to even just renew. 

ruby696

@jhysmath It's usually crazy busy where I live. I was considering driving 2.5 hrs to my in-laws because they're in a small town and it seems like things get done quicker, and with less bureaucracy, there.

soprano19

Last month I realized I should probably get my real ID. Turns out I couldn't make a DMV appointment till APRIL. So April 2 it is. At least it's before baby comes.

splashmountain

I've been training a new girl at work since last Wednesday and training is so boring! I literally sit and watch someone do my job and pipe in when she forgets something.

chewie5990

@splashmountain - training is the pits! At first I'm always happy about it like "yay I kinda get to just chill" but it quickly becomes so boring and the day just drags on and on...I'm sorry you're dealing with that right now! 

chewie5990

House hunting is seriously annoying and I'm already so over it! We've already seen over 20 houses and put in 3 offers - all of which were quickly outbid/declined and all of which were over freaking asking price! Houses go on the market Wednesday-Friday and sell by Sunday and it's just frustrating  because there's no time to think about it! The longer it takes the more anxious I get because I can't do things like figure out daycare and preschool until we know what area we are going to live in! I told MH this weekend that if we don't find something by the end of February then we are going to stop and start looking again in October/November. Also the listing agent at a house referred to my bump as a ticking time bomb which was great 

soprano19

@chewie5990 house hunting is so stressful and frustrating, especially while pregnant. We bought our house while I was pregnant with DD (literally moved in two weeks before she was born) and our experience was very similar to yours. We put in several offers and got massively outbid every time. We had actually already made an offer on what eventually became our house and gotten rejected, and I said the same thing as you about stopping and restarting after the baby was born. Literally on the exact day we agreed was our cutoff day, our agent called to tell us the sale had fallen through and to ask if we wanted to make another offer, so we went for it and ended up getting it.

Remind me what area you live in? We're in the SF Bay Area, which is already a really impacted market, which made it that much more difficult and demoralizing, plus the fact of being first time homebuyers.

pirateduck

@chewie5990 definitely put a deadline in timewise.  House hunting can be really stressful.  We found ourselves repeatedly beat out by all cash offers.  Sorry I don't have that much cash on hand to just buy a house.  We also capped it and said if we didn't find something to buy by a certain date we'd rent, and if we didn't find a suitable rental by a certain date we'd relocate or stay with family or whatever to buy us more time without more stress.  Make a plan and stick with it.  I know we literally looked at every home in our area in our price range.  It can be tough.  It will be worth it in the end though.

mokay19

@lisush I'm coming to the new randoms thread to respond to your thing about OB vs midwife that was on the last one.  I think what pourmeanothermocktail is generally true that midwives can do most what OB's can USUALLY.  But, there are hospitals that do not give midwives those privileges so you will have to check in on that ahead of time.  I saw a midwife for my entire pregnancy with DD but delivered with an OB because midwives at that hospital couldn't administer pain meds or use any tools and would have to call the OB anyway.
Also, there are a lot of OB's that will deliver babies with a similar mindset to midwives... again, it depends on the hospital and specifics OBs and midwives.
Everyone has their own experiences and every location is vastly different... it's going to be mostly what matters to you and your SO.

pourmeanothermocktail

Our house (first time buyers) was really rough too. Started looking in February, had made offers on 6 places and missed out to outbid by cash offers (we couldn't compete there!), had to cancel a short sale due to issues, and when we finally got our house it was only on market 12 hours, we put bid in at asking price, and it only happened because the first person to look at it had a truck 6" too long to fit into the garage. He was there at 7:30 am, we were there at 9 am, and put in offer by 9:30. 

And it's an old ranch that needs a lot of updates, but was safe to move in right away, like had walls and floors and fixtures/kitchen appliances.

ruby696

@lisush I would also consider how far the nearest hospital is from the birth center you want to use.  If an issue arises for you and/or baby, your care will need to be transferred. I would also find out if the birth center or your midwife has any policy on how long they'll wait before they transfer care. I used a CNM for both DS and DD, but she was part of an OB group. She assisted the OB in my c-section and another CNM delivered DD during my VBAC. I felt that using CNM's who were part of an OB group and had hospital privileges was the best of both worlds. I personally would not use a midwife that was not a CNM or affiliated with an OB/had hospital privileges. 

ETA: My preference is based on my own bias and medical history. Some people are totally comfortable at birth centers. I tend to think worst case scenario and I do not want my baby to wait one second longer than necessary to receive potentially life saving medical care.

lisush

@chewie5990 that sounds super frustrating. I agree that coming up with a deadline and then waiting until fall makes the most sense sanity wise. I would definitely not want to deal with that indefinitely with the due date looming and all.

@mokay19 and @ruby696 thanks! This is a CNM only practice that delivers only at the hospital (not birth center or home). So they work with the OBs and nurses on staff there all the time. But they would need to bring the doctor for any meds, epidural, vacuum, C-section, etc. They only handle all the normal, safe stuff. I was leaning very much toward them until talking to my mom who may be more anxious than me and was posing questions such as will the OBs there give me the same attention and care if I'm not THEIR patient. Mind you this woman had two terrible OB experiences out of 3 births. Also the doula I spoke with was very positive about the OB practice I would use, which makes the decision harder. If the OB has a philosophy a lot like a CNM then that's probably the best of both worlds right? My options are both too good to choose lol

ruby696

@lisush It does sound like you have two excellent options. FWIW, you will likely not be the CNM or OB's only patient when you deliver. The true heros of L&D are the nurses. I wouldn't worry about how much attention you're getting because truthfully, at least in my experience, you'll be getting very little from either the CNM or OB until you're close to pushing or the nurses have concerns. For both DS and DD, I would be checked on rotation or when my CNM had a few minutes, but that's it. 

mamaj1220

I just had to Google the Real ID thing, because you guys were talking about it and so was a friend in NJ. And the first thing that pops up is NY IDs are accepted as Real IDs so then I didn't feel as dumb 

lisush

@ruby696 the extra attention during labor is actually what I was hoping for from the midwives. It's a small practice with only 3 midwives and they don't take on that many clients. All the reviews and info I've heard is that these ladies in particular do spend a lot of time with you before and after the actual birth. Obviously if it so happens that like 5 of their clients go into labor at the same time, that could change. But the chances of that are a lot lower than with the OB who takes on so many more clients. 

If they didn't operate that way I was going to definitely go with the OB and hire a doula as labor support. That's still an option I'm considering as that's guaranteed support but obviously extra money. 

mamaqdubu

@chewie5990 I’m sorry it’s so stressful! I think putting a timeframe on it will be helpful. I hope something comes together for you very soon!! 

And as far as the OB vs CNM discussion I think each practice and location can vary so much! For me I rotate between 2 CNM and like 6 or 7 OBs. Honestly I see no difference in their opinions or strategies. I know at my hospital the CNM can do low risk births but all high risk births need an OB. 

jhysmath

My mw have is a "tour" of the labor wing "birth center" today because we told her when dd was born it was under construction and we had to have a tiny cubicle for a room in a make shift "temporary labor wing" there's one room that's huge with a giant jacuzzi tub and I told MH that he better get that room for me when we get there to deliver. The shower could probably fit 5 people with enough room for each to shower too. I think it's what everyone dreams of when they're giving birth in a hospital.

To add to the cnm chatter, or tiny hospital has 3 cnms and 3 obs (one of which is always a traveling one who's there for like a 9 month stint). With dd we saw an ob at the beginning to double check the cnms in room US and even MH thought she was cold compared to the cnms. This time my first appointment was scheduled with an ob likely because they didn't see I only had cnms last time until my birth because she was breech and needed a c-section. This ob was the one who scheduled me a d&c the next day until the large hospital told me to come down and see them first. So that rubbed MH wrong this time too so he has made it a point at the last two appointments we don't want to see an ob unless we have to and if we have to we want to see the one who did my ecv and post-op last time. The one who delivered dd was a traveling one so we can't see her. I personally feel the cnms care more about me, my favorite last time even scrubbed into the scheduled c-section she didn't have to be a part of because I was so distraught they weren't delivering my baby. 

pirateduck

I really feel like it’s about the person, not the letters attached to their title.  I have seen REs, OBGYNs, CNMs, and an MFM in the past.  Some I like, some my husband likes, some we both like, some we hate and refuse to see again.  Yes, they all have specialties and something different to offer, but if you don’t medically NEED one over the other for your care I’d honestly pick who you feel most comfortable with.  You need to be able to be open with them and talk to them about everything and not feel nervous and not feel irritated and not feel like they aren’t listening and have just brushed you off.  It’s about you and what you want and what’s best for you and your baby.

ruby696

@lisush my practice had three CNM's and I seriously was in the hospital with five other patients in labor. 😕 But I had the same experience next time. I don't know how many patients my CNM had though. Definitely a great question for you to ask potential providers!

heatherlynn321

So I talked to my HR person today about FMLA and everything. I'm a teacher, and in my county, they prorate your pay throughout the school year for 12 months so that you still get the same pay during the summer months. Since I'll have already worked that time, I will still get paid while I'm technically on maternity leave since my maternity leave will just be summer vacation, and I've already worked during the school year for that money. This is really nice timing, since I've never gotten paid during maternity leave before and it's always been a struggle. I've always had to rely on STD during maternity leave trying to make up for it. The HR rep brought up filling out Short Term Disability paperwork though, and I was like wait, I still get to collect STD even though I'll get paid over the summer, and she told me yes since I've already been paying in to STD. I know she would be the expert, but does that sound right to any teachers in the states? I'm worried about collecting STD, and then getting a notice that I need to pay it back or something after I've already used it to pay the hospital bill. I had always thought STD only applied if you were missing paychecks on maternity leave or some other leave.

afranzen85

@heatherlynn321 Yes, you can absolutely use your STD and continue to get your paychecks. I did this as a teacher twice. 

Both of my maternity leaves were during the school year. I used my accumulated sick time so still collected my regular pay and my STD. 

catem07

@mamaj1220 your license needs to have a star on the top right to be considered a Real ID. https://www2.erie.gov/clerk/realid 

splashmountain

pirateduck said:

I really feel like it’s about the person, not the letters attached to their title.  I have seen REs, OBGYNs, CNMs, and an MFM in the past.  Some I like, some my husband likes, some we both like, some we hate and refuse to see again.  Yes, they all have specialties and something different to offer, but if you don’t medically NEED one over the other for your care I’d honestly pick who you feel most comfortable with.  You need to be able to be open with them and talk to them about everything and not feel nervous and not feel irritated and not feel like they aren’t listening and have just brushed you off.  It’s about you and what you want and what’s best for you and your baby.

^^^this!
When H and I were struggling to get pregnant, I talked to my cnm about it. She kept saying I had PCOS because of my weight and that I needed to be on clomid. She wouldn't even look at my charts and said I could only confirm ovulation with opks. I went on my own and found my RE and when I did get KU, scheduled my appointments with one of the OBs and couldn't be happier. I've seen 2 OBs at the practice and had a great experience with both.