The Great Question Thread - Page 3 — The Bump
February 2020 Moms

The Great Question Thread

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Re: The Great Question Thread

  • @taylork2020 I'm sorry you were forced to leave a job you really enjoyed. Poor management and anxiety issues are great reasons to leave though. And it may have gotten worse if you stood there any longer. Even though you feel unfulfilled and lost, know that this isn't permanent! Once you start to apply for jobs again, you will leave and never look back. Solidarity, friend! I hope you know there are others who are feeling very similar to you. You aren't alone! This is another bump in the road for the working woman, but you've got this. Sometimes I feel like I'm 18 again, trying to figure out what I want to do "when I grow up." I actually read recently that that's a good thing! That we should always be finding new ways to be happy even if it results in a couple of years of struggle. What are some great things about your current job or routine? Ugh I'm sorry your current job doesn't have maternity leave, that's so upsetting.    

  • @um_thor spotting can be harmless... I hope in your case it is! I didn't think anything of it but the two times I did have small amounts of brown discharge, I ended up having mmc's. Most of the time though I think ppl spot for no reason. However, please go talk to your healthcare provider if you haven't done so already! They can send you off for the appropriate tests and tell you what to do. Fx for you :) 
    um_thor
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  • I'm a first time mom so I have no idea what is happening to me but my obgyn doesn't seem concerned but I just can't shake the feeling that something is wrong...

    Firstly, the pregnancy test came back positive at three weeks. At three weeks and a few days my hcg was already at 420! It didn't double (734) but my doctor seemed unconcerned. 

    I've been having mild pain and cramps in my right side and I keep spotting on and off.

    I'm 5 weeks today and my doctor refuses to do an ultrasound before 7 weeks. 

    I guess my question for other moms is: Do your doctors do ultrasounds early? Why might mine not do it before 7 weeks? 

    My husband has basically written the baby off as a miscarriage but I'm just concerned it's ectopic and is going to kill me. :( Any advice?

  • @sayrian They might not do one any earlier because you may not be able to see the heartbeat yet. My doctor does them between 6-8 weeks but it seems like every doctor is different. If you’re really concerned, try get a second opinion. 
    Me:33
    DH: 34
    Married: May 2011
    TTC #1: May 2015
    DS: 10/20/2016
    TTC #2: June 2019
    #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
    Swiftletsayrian
  • DDRRT1982DDRRT1982 member
    edited June 2019
    sayrian said:
    I'm a first time mom so I have no idea what is happening to me but my obgyn doesn't seem concerned but I just can't shake the feeling that something is wrong...

    Firstly, the pregnancy test came back positive at three weeks. At three weeks and a few days my hcg was already at 420! It didn't double (734) but my doctor seemed unconcerned. 

    I've been having mild pain and cramps in my right side and I keep spotting on and off.

    I'm 5 weeks today and my doctor refuses to do an ultrasound before 7 weeks. 

    I guess my question for other moms is: Do your doctors do ultrasounds early? Why might mine not do it before 7 weeks? 

    My husband has basically written the baby off as a miscarriage but I'm just concerned it's ectopic and is going to kill me. :( Any advice?

    I agree and believe your concern is valid.  If it were me I would push a bit harder and just ask to have an early scan to check it’s in the uterus.  Present your information and concern and be blunt. You could always try another OB as well.  
    If you have pain, start bleeding, or any other signs of ectopic go to the ER immediately

    With that being said, you might have actually been later in your cycle than you thought and not actually three weeks to the day you got your positive.  HCG Being high and then not doubling could indicate a problem, but then again it might not.  It’s so hard to say with hcg how your pregnancy is really going to go.  There is a wide range of normal.  

    My OB does early ultrasounds and three out of my last four showed slow growth at first and cause extreme anxiety.  There was absolutely nothing wrong with my babies, it’s just the way they develop.  I asked my high risk OB about it and he said that is precisely why he won’t scan anyone until after eight weeks.  There is such a wide variety of development up to that point that it’s really too hard to say if the baby is ok.  By eight weeks you should see a heartbeat and that is when he’ll look at you.  

    I really hope everything is ok.  I am so sorry you are worried and hope all is well.

     .  
    SwiftletNYTino24
  • Thank you all so much. That makes sense as to why they won't see you until 8 weeks to help reduce the anxiety that comes along.

    I sent my OB another message asking for another blood test at least and so we will see what she says. I don't think my insurance covers the transvaginal ultrasound unless my life is in immediate danger so it makes sense that she is hesitant to do that and would rather wait.

    No extreme pain yet, just 1-3 on the pain scale which she said isn't abnormal considering it's my first pregnancy and can probably be classified as cramping since the pain comes and goes.

    Thanks again.
    brookert615um_thorNYTino24
  • What are some good questions to ask for the first appointment at the OB? 
    TW
    BFP 6/3/19 EDD 2/14/20 BFP 4/15/21 EDD 12/20/21
    Diagnosed with PCOS & Hashimoto's
    Swiftlet
  • SwiftletSwiftlet member
    edited June 2019
    @brookert615 I’m going to be asking about activity levels, work-related concerns (I’m a vet and have possible exposure to xrays, anesthetic gas, medications that I touch, big jumping dogs, etc), what I should be concerned about/need to call about/need to seek ER care for, and what the schedule is moving forward for future appointments. That’s what I’ve got so far haha.
    brookert615alseltzer
  • @sayrian last time I was pregnant, I had soreness on the left side. I had early ultrasound done just cuz of my history of miscarriages and they told me I had a cyst on the left side that popped... I likely ovulated on that side, and it was sort of bloody still. Maybe that's what happened to you too? Yeah, ultrasounds that are too early, they can't see anything definitive which is why they want to wait till 7-8 weeks. It's so hard to wait though! Fx for you
    elmann1sayrianNYTino24
  • @Swiftlet Oh man! Yeah good call. That's awesome you're a vet!  I have to ask what their c-section rate is but that's kind of all I remember now haha
    TW
    BFP 6/3/19 EDD 2/14/20 BFP 4/15/21 EDD 12/20/21
    Diagnosed with PCOS & Hashimoto's
  • @brookert615 the nurse should go over a ton of stuff with you on your first visit, so I’m not sure how many questions you’ll end up having. As far as csection rates, basically any hospital you go to will be about 30-33%.
    brookert615Swiftlet
  • @daffodil_shoe Okay, thank you! My app keeps saying to have a list of questions and it's giving me anxiety LOL. I feel better now.
    TW
    BFP 6/3/19 EDD 2/14/20 BFP 4/15/21 EDD 12/20/21
    Diagnosed with PCOS & Hashimoto's
    daffodil_shoe
  • @daffodil_shoe that high? I never knew! 
    brookert615
  • brookert615brookert615 member
    edited June 2019
    I was able to do a search! A lot of hospitals in my area are like 30% but one is 38% EEEEK! But luckily the hospital I am is at 23%! 

    Eta: Here's the link - it's from 2015 though :)

    https://www.leapfroggroup.org/sites/default/files/Files/2015_MaternityCareData_CesareanSection.pdf
    TW
    BFP 6/3/19 EDD 2/14/20 BFP 4/15/21 EDD 12/20/21
    Diagnosed with PCOS & Hashimoto's
    daffodil_shoe
  • @Swiftlet ya, national average is about that. You have your breech babies or wrong presentation, and you have your babies who aren’t tolerating labor and heart rates drop. Nurses will try their best to reposition mom to get heart tones back up, but sometimes baby just can’t tolerate labor. And then after a mom already has a csection, they might either prefer a repeat, or their doctor may refuse to allow a VBAC.

    And then of course you have some docs who just get impatient, consider it “failure to progress” and do a csection so they can get home.
    brookert615Swiftlet
  • @brookert615 my doctor also gives you a booklet with a bunch of information in it. It’s an easy referral for questions that come up. Maybe they have something like that for you. If not, they’ll probably tell you a lot during the appointment anyway and don’t ever hesitate to call them if you’re unsure about something. 
    Me:33
    DH: 34
    Married: May 2011
    TTC #1: May 2015
    DS: 10/20/2016
    TTC #2: June 2019
    #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
    brookert615
  • @daffodil_shoe You're going to be getting so many questions from us with what you do for a living! LOL. I'm learning a lot from the "Mommy Labor Nurse" instagram page. 

    @ibabyloveb87 Oh, I love informational packets lol! I hope I get one. I should give them a warning I'm going to be a crazy lady 🤪! 
    TW
    BFP 6/3/19 EDD 2/14/20 BFP 4/15/21 EDD 12/20/21
    Diagnosed with PCOS & Hashimoto's
    daffodil_shoeibabyloveb87
  • @brookert615 I mean I’m definitely not qualified to give medical advice, but I’m happy to answer general questions!
    brookert615Swiftletbabytimeagain
  • @daffodil_shoe I shall be one of those who has a RCS because of first baby being too big and they don’t do VBAC here. I’m ok with it though. 
    Me:33
    DH: 34
    Married: May 2011
    TTC #1: May 2015
    DS: 10/20/2016
    TTC #2: June 2019
    #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
    daffodil_shoe
  • @daffodil_shoe Hahah for sure! You honestly helped me so much with my HCG numbers. If it wasn't for you I would've spiraled out of control for a week! 
    TW
    BFP 6/3/19 EDD 2/14/20 BFP 4/15/21 EDD 12/20/21
    Diagnosed with PCOS & Hashimoto's
    daffodil_shoeNYTino24
  • All those career questions are hot button topics for me.  I was unhappy with my job for some time and the thought of having a child is expensive, like cannot afford to pay the medical bills with my current salary and lackluster insurance expensive.  While TTC I thought, it's ok, I will be pregnant soon and then I can quit my job when I have a baby and start fresh somewhere new when I'm ready to return to work.  Well that didn't work out as planned and I was diagnosed with unexplained infertility, so everything was taking a long time and I was stuck in this job I didn't want to be in for a long time, and the medical bills related to fertility testing and treatment were not covered at all by insurance so our savings was shrinking.  So then I started seriously looking for a new job and got excited about the prospect of something new and had decided I cannot put this on hold any longer while trying to have a baby because who knows how long that will take.  And now I am pregnant, so now I've stopped looking and like you other women, feel completely trapped in a job I don't want because it's not a good time to find a new job and changing insurance right now would be bad and I have PTO saved up etc. etc.  So yeah, had to chime in and vent, I get the whole being trapped in a job thing and having to put a career on hold thing.  How long are you ladies planning on staying home after the baby is born?  I know at least in the US maternity leave policies are pretty bleak looking.  Also daycare here is ridiculously expensive with a really long wait list.  My co-worker got on a wait list BEFORE she was even pregnant and her daughter was accepted to daycare when she was almost ONE!  What will you do with your baby once you return to work?  Can you even continue to breast feed when you return to work?  Is that even an option?  It's all so complicated to think of juggling a career and a baby!
    NYTino24DDRRT1982elmann1
  • @NYTino24 That's great to know! 
    TW
    BFP 6/3/19 EDD 2/14/20 BFP 4/15/21 EDD 12/20/21
    Diagnosed with PCOS & Hashimoto's
    NYTino24
  • NYTino24NYTino24 member
    edited June 2019
    @brookert615 At my first appointment, the OB gave me a bunch of consent forms for testing for me and the baby, including procedures and tests that are mandated for babies at birth in our state. They asked if we planned on doing genetic testing and told us when our US would be (8, 12, and 20 weeks) plus things like the glucose testing for gestational diabetes at 28 weeks. Generally they will use a Doppler to listen for heartbeat at other appointments. I also needed a rhogam shot since I’m type O- and my husband (and son) are O+. They also test you for strep B and STDs that could complicate pregnancy / delivery. They will give you a list of pregnancy safe medications and discuss food / exercise / sleep. They eventually also ask what hospital you plan on using for delivery and what type of birth you anticipate as well as if you plan on trying to BF. 

    *Note to all FTM: February is during cold and flu season and hospital visitors, particularly minors, are often restricted. (I’m personally really upset that am having a RCS and I won’t be able to have my son visit in the hospital for several days.)
    It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*

    Me: 36 DH 35 
    TTC  9/2016     BFP 12/9/16    EDD 8/21/17    NMC 1/8/16 at 7w6d
    TTC  2/2017  BFP 3/6/17   EDD 11/17/17   DS born 11/25/17 via ECS
    TTC 12/2018   BFP 6/2/19   EDD 2/12/20  NMC / BO at 7 weeks, low progesterone
    TTC 7/2019   BFP 8/21/19 EDD 4/22/20 CP at 5 weeks
    TTC 8/19    IUI #1 w/ Clomid + Ovidrel + progesterone  BFN, IUI 2 and 3 w/ Letrozole + Ovidrel + progesterone,
    IUI 4 Follistim + Ovidrel + progesterone BFP 1/9/20 EDD 9/18/20

    AMA, ITP in pregnancy, vWD type II - low Factor VIII, unexplained RPL and secondary infertility
    brookert615craftywitch
  • @pirateduck I’m not sure yet- probably the maximum 12 weeks. A couple other coworkers have had babies relatively recently so it’s kind of worked out already- they let you block the schedule to pump, etc. As for what to do with them, I have no idea yet. Hopefully a daycare, my husband wants my parents to watch the baby (lol, I don’t want to saddle them with that!), a few coworkers had nannies...again, I dunno yet! There’s SO much to think about and I’m just trying to get to the point where I feel more confident that it’s a viable pregnancy (damn PGAL brain).
  • @NYTino24 Thank you for all of that, she did say it was the longest of my appointments lol! I wasn't even thinking about visitors! And gah the flu shot! lol
    TW
    BFP 6/3/19 EDD 2/14/20 BFP 4/15/21 EDD 12/20/21
    Diagnosed with PCOS & Hashimoto's
    NYTino24
  • @NYTino24

    That's a good point in that our babies may have more a say of when we can return to work than we do!  We may feel ready but they may not be ready for us to leave.  Did you find yourself bored at home?  Did you miss the social aspect of getting out of the house regularly.
    NYTino24brookert615
  • @pirateduck
    I get 12 weeks paid maternity leave. After that, hubby is going to stay home to take care of the kid. I don't think it's what he wanted, per se, but he did agree with the raw facts which are that my earning potential is higher than his, we can live off of my salary, but not his, and he wouldn't make enough to offset the cost of daycare or a nanny. It's not that he's a bum, it's that he majored in something useless for job purposes (philosophy) and then we have to move every 2-3 years for my job, which forces him to start from the bottom again. As far as pumping goes, I have no idea what the policy will be or how it will work.
    Swiftletcraftywitchbrookert615NYTino24
  • @noxacanthus 12 weeks paid is awesome!  I get 12 weeks unpaid :( and that would include any time on bed rest or anything before baby is born.  Need to make an appointment to speak with HR I have so many questions for them.
    NYTino24
  • @pirateduck I left a classroom with 30 kids, so having one to take care of was great! I have an awesome local mom group and I met up with some before we gave birth, so I had plenty to do while on leave. I also did a Baby Bootcamp class, joined the zoo, and our lake, so we kept busy. My son is extremely social and has been since he was very young, so I also created a program where people bring their kids to a nursing home and interact with residents. I met more friends that way. Since my son never slept, it was great for our sanity.
    It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*

    Me: 36 DH 35 
    TTC  9/2016     BFP 12/9/16    EDD 8/21/17    NMC 1/8/16 at 7w6d
    TTC  2/2017  BFP 3/6/17   EDD 11/17/17   DS born 11/25/17 via ECS
    TTC 12/2018   BFP 6/2/19   EDD 2/12/20  NMC / BO at 7 weeks, low progesterone
    TTC 7/2019   BFP 8/21/19 EDD 4/22/20 CP at 5 weeks
    TTC 8/19    IUI #1 w/ Clomid + Ovidrel + progesterone  BFN, IUI 2 and 3 w/ Letrozole + Ovidrel + progesterone,
    IUI 4 Follistim + Ovidrel + progesterone BFP 1/9/20 EDD 9/18/20

    AMA, ITP in pregnancy, vWD type II - low Factor VIII, unexplained RPL and secondary infertility
    brookert615DDRRT1982
  • I'm curious when you gals started experiencing morning sickness. 5 weeks? 6 weeks? Earlier? I'm 5w 5d with just a few aversions, but no MS. This is only my 2nd pregnancy, and my 1st ended in miscarriage before I got to the MS stage. I can't help but worry that something is amiss again 😓
    NYTino24
  • @malloryfrommn my first pregnancy I didn’t make it long enough to get sick. With my son, it hit me at 5w4d. Now with this pregnancy I’m 5w6d and it hit me today.
    malloryfrommn
  • @malloryfrommn mine hit me at exactly 6 weeks. I had no sign of it whatsoever before that, so it was quite a surprise. 
    malloryfrommn
  • @malloryfrommn I felt nauseous around 5 weeks with DS But I never got sick and it only lasted a couple of weeks, off and on. I’ve already had more nausea with this one and I’m 5w today. 
    Me:33
    DH: 34
    Married: May 2011
    TTC #1: May 2015
    DS: 10/20/2016
    TTC #2: June 2019
    #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
    malloryfrommn
  • @malloryfrommn I think it was right around 5 weeks for me last time. 
    malloryfrommn
  • @malloryfrommn I’m terrified to jinx myself here, but I’ve just had a few minor queasy episodes so far. I’m only 4w6d though.
    malloryfrommn
  • Today marks 8 days for me, and no MS. Hopefully everything is alright, I has ms with my last two children. But lost my first pregnancy at 9 weeks. So just trying to wait patiently for my July 17th appointment. Hoping for an ultrasound.
    malloryfrommnbrookert615
  • noxacanthusnoxacanthus member
    edited June 2019
    This is sort of random, but my work had a picnic today where everyone brought their families. There were 4 people with babies. 3 out of the 4 babies actively shied away from me when I tried to hold them, and one started crying. But other people were holding them with no problems. Apparently I repel babies. Less a question and more of a worry, but as a FTM, now I'm worried my own baby will react like this.

    Edit:
    @malloryfrommn I started feeling nauseous at 5 weeks, but I've only thrown up once. It comes and goes; some days I barely feel anything. I'm 6w6d right now.
    malloryfrommnbrookert615
  • @malloryfrommn mine started about 6 weeks this time. This is my fourth baby, and it was different with all of my prior pregnancies. My second baby was very intense nausea and MS, but the first and third, not so much. There were lots of other strange symptoms that popped up along the way though! It’s hard not to worry, but I would try not to be too concerned this early in the game. Hang in there!
    malloryfrommnbrookert615
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