@bookworm492 I agree with that, and you know what? o\Only ONE of my close friends out of my one group of college friends has asked me that, and it was actually my guy friend! I replied and I was like THANKS, you're the only person in this group who has asked me. I literally cannot wait for my other two girlfriends to become pregnant so they understand it, because it doesn't seem like they do at all. They're "too busy" for me lately. It's really annoying......
By asking how are you feeling, you can learn if the pregnant person is excited, scared, ill, nervous, anxious, prepared, etc. And then amend your further questions and reactions based off that information.
@ktmaesim I'm coming to terms that this baby will mean the end of a LOT of friendships for me, at least of my local friends. So I'm learning to pull back and make my family and self care the top priority.
@k_mama91 we've also been pretty private about our IVF journey. My family didn't know until after the fact, and most of my in-laws didn't know until after either. Only my sister and MIL knew during the shots because I needed help from them while on vacation. Other than that a few close friends locally know, one who also went through IVF at the same time as me. I'm waiting on the "Was it planned" so I can say the same thing with very much so, to the point of being turkey basted.
@ashorkey The way we got here has also made the next question I’ve been getting all the more infuriating. DO NOT ask a mama of 2 boys/girls if they’ll try again for the opposite gender. 1- You don’t know how hard it was to get this baby, we’re not picky just thrilled with a baby and 2- People have kids bc they enjoy being a parent, not to play the gender lotto. People seriously kill me!
@k_mama91 yes! the "are you hoping for a certain gender?" having another girl would be easy, but really I'm hoping for a healthy baby. Or the "but you didn't find out the gender?" no, we opted out of the testing due to additional costs, thanks for asking. My friend (also pregnant via IVF) showed me an amazing card this weekend that she found while we were out at a book / coffee shop that says "In case you'd like IVF to be even more devastating, there's good news: The general public is available to judge your choices!" I may have laughed a little too hard at this because of just how truthful it is.
Thanks for bring up the rude questions. Our baby wasn't planned. I was actually seeking treatment for my PCOS and Endo (both of which are on the server side) when we got pregnant. Partly for the pain and partly to make it easier to get pregnant in our early 30's.
It wasn't planned but it isn't any less of a miracle. I was told since I was 17 how hard it would be for me to get pregnant. So when people ask that question I feel like they are taking something special away from it. My daughter is not going to be any less loved or precious because it wasn't planned.
It's also so no one else's business!
I am also not a fan of the how is the pregnancy going questions. Why? Because I'm miserable almost all the time. I got sick regularly before I got pregnant due to some autoimmune disorders. But now that I'm pregnant I'm constantly in some kind of pain. I hate telling people the truth because that's not what they want to hear and it makes it sound like I'm not super excited about the baby. Our baby is the pot of gold at the end of this wet rainbow. I'm over the moon to be a mom. I'm just ready to have my body back!
@mrszoobear The question that's been irking me the most: "How is the baby?" I don't know...alive, still there. He hasn't told me how he is, so he's fine, I guess. How about asking how I am? I'm the one going through the major physical/life change here, who's full of emotions. He's just kind of floating in there. Don't disregard me just because I'm pregnant. Still human. Not just a vessel for my husband's spawn.
@rjgmcmanus I’ve been getting dumb questions like that, too! Also, when some people ask, doesn’t it seem like they only want to hear a one word answer, like “Great!” I’ve had lots of people glaze over immediately it I start talking about anything pregnancy related. If you don’t want to know, don’t ask! They should just give a compliment like, “You look great!” and leave it at that! 😛
@cpk3535 Agreed! People are so rude sometimes. For instance, my mom commented I was "looking more pregnant," which I interpreted as my belly getting bigger, and I was fine with. Except then she elaborated and said my arms and butt were looking bigger. Basically, I'm looking not just pregnant, but fatter to her. Thanks, Mom. Appreciate that. 🙄
Literally not a single person has asked me how I'm physically feeling later on, after they've found out I'm pregnant, and I really appreciate that! I'd rather talk about other things.
@cpk3535 - Yes! Exactly! Don't ask if you don't want the lengthy truth. Ask how I'm feeling today, not how the pregnancy is going. Giving people an answer like "tired but good" or "I have a headache but I'm in a really good mood today." Is a lot easier and much closer to what they want to hear.
@rjgmcmanus - I 100% feel like a vessel and not a real person anymore. It would be so much nicer for people to ask me about me, the person I am, and not "the pregnant lady."
@rjgmcmanus Yes! My mom has been one of the worst, too. Plus, I don’t think she remembers much about being pregnant at all- she had me and my brother at a very young age, and I’m in my late 30s now, so it’s been a while!
Another weird note- does it seem like some people almost want to compete with you on how awful they’re feeling for non-pregnancy related reasons? I’ve gotten that a lot, too! It’s like, yeah, I’m really feeling for you that your allergies are flaring up. It’s almost the same as what I’m going through 😜!
@cpk3535 YESSSS! DH is the worst offender for this, lol. The other day I commented on being tired. And he went on about how EXHAUSTED he was due to work, our dog barking in the middle of the night, his family stressing him out, etc. And I just stared at him and said, "I'm growing your child." He shut up really fast, lol.
@cpk3535 I hate the competition. I have been dealing with it for years, with my autoimmune disease. I a sorry, being tired is not the same as pure exhaustion that makes it difficult to use your arms and gives you brain fog, so STFU.
I was pregnant at the same time as my coworker/BF and everything had to be worse for her. Her MS was worse etc. I can’t say everything I went through was worse, but she was nauseous for a month and I had HG!
@ashorkey That couldn’t be any more true! I feel like I’m overly cautious with this pregnancy and will be when he’s born and I’ve already got side eye for my stance on visitors and general wishes for keeping my newborn safe during flu season.
Another rude comment that just happened.. I was buying ds school supplies when a woman gets behind me in line with her own infant. She asked how far along I was and when I told her she had the audacity to say “Oh wow! I was gunna guess around 7 months!” I’m sure she could tell I was offended by my face. Way to make me feel glowing and beautiful.
Thanks guys! I ended up throwing up the 1st pill I tried to take, talked to my pharmacist to make sure it was safe to try another and the 2nd one worked.
1) Anyone feel a tingling sensation in their bellies when they're lying down? The last two nights, just after I've gotten into bed, I've felt a slight tingling sensation to the left of my belly button soon after lying down. It feels like it's on my actual stomach, not internal. No pain or discomfort, lasts maybe 20 mins. I couldn't find anything when I googled it.
2) What do you all know about changes to moles during pregnancy? I have a fairly large one on my shoulder that hasn't changed my entire life (I periodically have my doctor take a look at it). It's always been a little raised. Earlier today I noticed that it's more raised than before. Still seems symmetrical, but I can't tell if there's a bit of red there now, too. I did read that pregnancy hormones can cause moles to darken, but I've always been a little worried about this one because of its size.
Thank you for any thoughts! I'm trying to avoid contacting my dr. nonstop over stuff if I don't really need to.... :P
@ninrms last pregnancy I got a large sunspot on my face that only lasted during pregnancy and then after giving birth a mole appeared in my hair. I had the dermatologist check out both and she said these changes are very normal during pregnancy. I’m sure your dr can measure yours to see if the changes are normal and just from pregnancy
Anybody else having issues bending over/leaning forward? My belly is NOT into it...feels like I’m compressing it/putting too much pressure there. I’m 19+ weeks and I just went through a little “growth spurt” — pretty significant weight gain and the bump is much more popped. Wondering if that’s the cause?
@midgerose86 I've been feeling it since probably 16 weeks, but definitely more noticeable the past few days (now 18 weeks). The other day I bent down and my husband made a comment about how it looked uncomfortable even to watch. should be fun in a couple of months.
@midgerose86 - (18 weeks) I only feel that uncomfortable pressure when I lean into counters. Usually when washing my hands at home or work because the counter sticks out so much and the sink is towards the back. Being short with little arms kinda stinks sometimes 🙄
STM+ anyone have placenta previa and not have it uncover their utuerus? Other than needing a c/s did you have any complications? I found out at my us yesterday that I have it and not really concern about it not moving out of the way, but more curious as to if it doesn’t what to expect.
@ninrms I’m a STM, and last pregnancy I developed this weird blotchy spot in the middle of my chest in my cleavage that looked like some sort of weird birthmark. It went away for the most part after baby was born, but now during this pregnancy, it’s returned! I also have lots of moles and freckles. My guess is that the changes have something to do with all of the extra blood in your body, maybe? That particular mark on my chest always seems brighter after hot showers, too! Pregnant bodies are weird 😜
@midgerose86 I’ve started feeling less comfortable reaching down with straight legs. My yoga approach has helped- like @ale9687 suggested, squat instead, or if you do bend over, spread your feet to give your belly some place to go. Squatting is really the safest approach because it’s highly recommended to keep your head above your heart as much as possible during pregnancy to avoid dizziness. Again, you’ve got so much extra blood in your system, you’ve got to keep yourself as stable and safe as possible. Hope that helps 😊
@ashorkey I was told at my 12 week scan I have it also. Interested to see if it moved during my 20 week scan. I did talk to a friend who’s mom had it during her last pregnancy and they did a cs.
@ale9687 I've read that it's still possible to have a vaginal birth pending on how covered the cervix is, but heavy bleeding is a common risk. My report didn't say how covered it was, just that I had it and I don't talk to my midwife until next Tuesday so I'm trying hard not to stress about it, but want to be prepared for the worse. Hopefully yours continues to move!
Not sure if this applies to anyone here, but do we have any urban mamas who ride public transportation? Have you taken a baby on it or do you plan to? My husband and I share one car, and I ride the bus and train all the time. I'd love to take my baby on the CTA, but I'm a little leery about the safety of doing so. From what I've read, it's safe to take a baby on public transit in a babywearing carrier, because passengers are well protected on these vehicles due to their size and height in traffic. I plan to follow up with the pediatrician to be sure. Just wondering if anyone has personal experience.
@blueskychicago12 We don't live in an urban area, but we have public transportation that we regularly take. When our daughter was an infant I would take her on it and never thought twice about it.
@ashorkey I had placenta previa with my first. Found at the anatomy scan. They monitored closely. It didn’t budge 20 weeks-35 weeks. We had the c section scheduled. At my 35 week scan it resolved. So don’t be super concerned until closer to delivery.
Thanks @ashorkey. I see babies on the bus and train all the time so I'm sure it's fine. I just felt a little unsure since you can't use a car seat. I tend to overthink😉
Re: QUESTION Thread
Also, I got a nice LOL about your comment to @bookworm492 - which more importantly CONGRATS!
It wasn't planned but it isn't any less of a miracle. I was told since I was 17 how hard it would be for me to get pregnant. So when people ask that question I feel like they are taking something special away from it. My daughter is not going to be any less loved or precious because it wasn't planned.
It's also so no one else's business!
I am also not a fan of the how is the pregnancy going questions. Why? Because I'm miserable almost all the time. I got sick regularly before I got pregnant due to some autoimmune disorders. But now that I'm pregnant I'm constantly in some kind of pain. I hate telling people the truth because that's not what they want to hear and it makes it sound like I'm not super excited about the baby. Our baby is the pot of gold at the end of this wet rainbow. I'm over the moon to be a mom. I'm just ready to have my body back!
@rjgmcmanus - I 100% feel like a vessel and not a real person anymore. It would be so much nicer for people to ask me about me, the person I am, and not "the pregnant lady."
Another weird note- does it seem like some people almost want to compete with you on how awful they’re feeling for non-pregnancy related reasons? I’ve gotten that a lot, too! It’s like, yeah, I’m really feeling for you that your allergies are flaring up. It’s almost the same as what I’m going through 😜!
I was pregnant at the same time as my coworker/BF and everything had to be worse for her. Her MS was worse etc. I can’t say everything I went through was worse, but she was nauseous for a month and I had HG!
Another rude comment that just happened.. I was buying ds school supplies when a woman gets behind me in line with her own infant. She asked how far along I was and when I told her she had the audacity to say “Oh wow! I was gunna guess around 7 months!” I’m sure she could tell I was offended by my face. Way to make me feel glowing and beautiful.
1) Anyone feel a tingling sensation in their bellies when they're lying down? The last two nights, just after I've gotten into bed, I've felt a slight tingling sensation to the left of my belly button soon after lying down. It feels like it's on my actual stomach, not internal. No pain or discomfort, lasts maybe 20 mins. I couldn't find anything when I googled it.
2) What do you all know about changes to moles during pregnancy? I have a fairly large one on my shoulder that hasn't changed my entire life (I periodically have my doctor take a look at it). It's always been a little raised. Earlier today I noticed that it's more raised than before. Still seems symmetrical, but I can't tell if there's a bit of red there now, too. I did read that pregnancy hormones can cause moles to darken, but I've always been a little worried about this one because of its size.
Thank you for any thoughts! I'm trying to avoid contacting my dr. nonstop over stuff if I don't really need to.... :P
curious as to if it doesn’t what to expect.
@midgerose86 I’ve started feeling less comfortable reaching down with straight legs. My yoga approach has helped- like @ale9687 suggested, squat instead, or if you do bend over, spread your feet to give your belly some place to go. Squatting is really the safest approach because it’s highly recommended to keep your head above your heart as much as possible during pregnancy to avoid dizziness. Again, you’ve got so much extra blood in your system, you’ve got to keep yourself as stable and safe as possible. Hope that helps 😊
Married 1/28/17
TW:
BFP #2 10/10/17, MC 11/4/17
BFP #3 12/17/17 Birth 8/13/18
BFP #4 4/21/19 Birth 12/5/2019