Inappropriate Comments/Questions Thread v2.0 — The Bump
August 2019 Moms

Inappropriate Comments/Questions Thread v2.0

Taken from June BMB. Thought we could share those things our friends, family, and coworkers have said/asked but *probably* shouldn't have.


People think we become mothers when we give birth but the truth is we become mothers the moment we start calling our babies to us in our thoughts, dreams and prayers. Some paths are short and some are so long that you can easily forget where you were headed.

How I feel all of the time.
My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF
IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
Back on Levothyroxine
FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt, 
1st Beta on 7dpt 93
2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!

TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF

IUI
IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine 
IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
 
grangerhp37WinchesterGirl
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Re: Inappropriate Comments/Questions Thread v2.0

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  • BigBadWolf12BigBadWolf12 member
    edited January 2019
    @peachy0709 write up your boss to hr as a departing gift?  ;)

    Eta bu seriously I'm sorry your boss is being such a jerk. Congrats on the new job! 

    TTGP history (*TW*):

    Started TTC Oct 2015
    BFP #1 June 2016: EDD 16 March 2017, MC July 2016
    Re-started TTC Aug 2016
    Started IF testing Nov 2016
    Spontaneous BFP #2 January 2017: Rainbow Baby Boy September 2017
    BFP #3 November 2018: Baby #2 expected August 2019


    peachy0709jrm_14suzycupcakeAvrilmai
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  • @peachy0709 That is so obnoxious!

    After beginning to share the news about having a second girl, I received my first "Well, two girls is still a blessing" comment like it was somehow disappointing that we aren't having a boy.  I'm sure this is just the beginning of many comments about how we don't have one of each and "trying for a boy" in the future.  
    wabash15suzycupcake
  • @mkrel - THIS IS MY WORST NIGHTMARE. We have two daughters and I love it and it's exactly what we wanted and I'm dreading comments about a third.  DREADING. 
    BabyFruit Ticker

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
    wabash15
  • I got my second "hopefully this is a girl so you'll have one of each" comment yesterday, swiftly followed by, "then you could be done. I mean you are so sick you should probably be done with 2. 2 was enough for me!" 

    ... I'm so glad my life choices are up to you.  :|
    Rainbow baby Dean is due 2/17/17!
    suzycupcakethirdtimesacharm2019Perfectypo
  • @mkrel I have two girls. I kinda hope the third is a girl because it will make people's head explode. They already think 2 girls is too much.
    zamora_spinPerfectypomkrel
  • @elizabeth_1985 I have five sisters! Some are half and some are step, only one is full, but still. 
    Me: 37 | DH: 35 
    BFP #1 5/14/17 (EDD 1/24/18) MMC Confirmed 6/13/17
    BFP #2 8/12/17 ended in CP 8/20/17
    BFP #3 10/12/17, EDD 6/27/18, hCG drop and no fetal development at 6w, D&C 11/3/17
    BFP #4 4/21/18, EDD 1/3/19, mc due to Trisomy 22 after HB stopped at 8w 
    Sept 2018 ER - 15R, 10M, 10F, 9 blasts, 5 PGS normal
    Transfer of 1 PGS normal embryo leading to BFP #5, baby boy EDD 8/29/19 


  • If anyone says something about us wanting girl I'm going to be all "I actually don't care. As long as I get a live baby at the end I couldn't care less if we have a boy or girl!!!!".

    We haven't announced yet so I've avoided comments like that so far. They annoy me though, why do people make assumptions so quickly?! 
    Allycat11
  • @sourlemon wow.... gosh that nurse deserves a TP
    *TW*
    TTC 1/2012
    Diagnosed : unexplained infertility
    6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015
    TTC #3 5/2016
    Restarted Fertility tx
    IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17

    jrm_14BigBadWolf12Avrilmai
  • The only reason I would be slightly bummed with another boy is because we got rid of everything except the crib after #2. For quite a few years we didn’t think it was logistically/financially possible to have another, although I always knew in my heart we would find a way. 
  • @Allycat11 The bump won’t let me love your comment right now so I had to respond, I love your comment that they will all have fun together! 

    I’m having a second boy and already got some comments about it not being a girl. Brothers sound pretty awesome to me. :) 

    Allycat11jrm_14
  • I have one of each. I love it and obviously wouldn’t change it. However, I think there is something so special about same sex siblings. My DH has one brother and they are just the best of friends. I feel most families I know with 2 boys or 2 girls (or 3 of each for that matter) are just so close. I’m actually a little sad that 1 of my kiddos won’t get a same sex sibling (this is our last baby). I’ve never cared about the sex but when we first thought we were having twins I really wanted 1 of each so we would have 2 boys and 2 girls and everyone would have their best bud. Not to say brothers/sisters can’t be as close, I know they can be, I just think there really is a special bond and people need to keep their mouths shut if you don’t end up with both!
    BabyFruit Ticker}
    Allycat11cato99Perfectypo
  • @Babylovecali brothers sounds like SO much fun! 

    @olivemomma I feel the same way about the special bond between same sex siblings and am bummed that one of mine won't have that bond. DD will be almost 7 years older than this baby and they will never be in the same school, so even if this one is a girl I feel like the sisterly connection is not the same as two close in age. But I would love to do pink, bows, dance classes and all things girly again! On the other hand, DS will only be 3 years older than this one and I would love to see him bond with a brother. Also, so far DS has been wayyyy easier than DD. There are great things about another boy or another girl so it is a win either way if this baby sticks. 

    DH and I both are not close with our siblings so I just hope for better for my kids. His only sibling is a half sister who is almost 10 years older. My situation is complex but the only sibling I was raised with is a brother who is 5 years older. We only talk to our siblings a couple times a year and that is mainly obligated family functions. 
    11/2010 Diagnosed with PCOS 
    10/31/11 M/C at 9 weeks
    1/12/13 DD was born
    4/9/16 DS was born 
    9/17 CP 
    6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19 

  • I have to agree with everyone on the gender stuff. I grew up one of 4, 2 of each, and always wanted the same. But my husband family hasn't had a girl in 3 generations. He is one of 6 boys! So I keep joking there is no way we can have a girl. Obviously I would be thrilled if I was the one to break the streak, and give my MIL a girl, but I will be happy with a big brood of boys as well. We haven't told anyone I'm pregnant yet, but I'm expecting a lot of maybe this time it'll be a girl comments.

    @Allycat11 my sister is 9 years older than me. Growing up we did not get along at all, and she left for college when I was just 9, so I didn't see that much of her. But once I went to college myself we connected and each realized the other was pretty cool. Now we're very close, and even though we live several states away, we talk on the phone several times a week.
    Allycat11
  • Way before we got pregnant, DH's father and grandfather would comment that we were the last chance for DH's family name to continue. It used to bug me because we weren't even sure we would have kids.
    Now that we are expecting a boy, I'm expecting all the comments about "saving the family name" when I could not care less about a family name.
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • @Allycat11 @mrosek91 same with my sister!! We are 7 years apart and never had much in common growing up but are super close now. My mom, sister, and I have a group text and all talk several times/week. I’m glad we weren’t close in age growing up because we would have fought over everything, but since I was into dolls when she was into boys it was never really an issue :)
  • @elizabeth_1985 that was really rude of that person... You tell when your comfortable!  we have not told our kiddos yet, though most people know. I just want to wait till our NT scan next week. 
    *TW*
    TTC 1/2012
    Diagnosed : unexplained infertility
    6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015
    TTC #3 5/2016
    Restarted Fertility tx
    IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17

  • @elizabeth_1985 that is insane for a stranger to say that! We told DD (6)  at 8 weeks when the ultrasound showed growth was on track from the previous one and h/b was strong. I am on modified bed rest and it helps her understand why things are a little different at home right now. We usually don't announce until 13-16 weeks but with us struggling to function this time, I am very thankful for our village and that we have their support. We knew we could not tell DD until we were ready to tell the world because she is our chatty, outgoing, talks to everyone kiddo...who also happens to love babies. 
    11/2010 Diagnosed with PCOS 
    10/31/11 M/C at 9 weeks
    1/12/13 DD was born
    4/9/16 DS was born 
    9/17 CP 
    6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19 

    Perfectypoaukeev
  • @Allycat11 I love the sibling excitement!
    Allycat11
  • @mamamias that’s awful! That was a really thoughtless comment to make. People are jerks. 
    jrm_14
  • @emqbee He actually did me a favor in this case. I didn't really want to go and when asked I told everyone I wasn't invited. Although, you're right. He should have phrased it differently or fwd me the invite just for the hell of it.
    zamora_spinjrm_14emqbeeWinchesterGirl
  • @emqbee It's really bizarre when strangers project their experiences onto you like it has to be a rule or something. #creepy
    People think we become mothers when we give birth but the truth is we become mothers the moment we start calling our babies to us in our thoughts, dreams and prayers. Some paths are short and some are so long that you can easily forget where you were headed.

    How I feel all of the time.
    My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
    IVF
    IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
    Back on Levothyroxine
    FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
    FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
    Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt, 
    1st Beta on 7dpt 93
    2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!

    TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
    Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
    New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF

    IUI
    IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
    IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
    IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
    BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine 
    IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
    Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
    Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
     
    emqbee
  • Question: Is it common for people to question you on how secure your pregnancy is when you announce?

    Around 15 weeks I announced to my grandmother and a friend of mine also blabbed to every single one of our common friends. *TW My grandmother and one of my friends asked me basically how likely I am to have a miscarriage at this point, but said it like, “And you’re far enough along things are pretty safe?” It was definitely a question, a fairly painful one. I know a lot of folks who have announced to a much broader spectrum of people much earlier. Is this because I have a history of recurrent loss or is this something other people get asked into the second tri?
    Me: 37 | DH: 35 
    BFP #1 5/14/17 (EDD 1/24/18) MMC Confirmed 6/13/17
    BFP #2 8/12/17 ended in CP 8/20/17
    BFP #3 10/12/17, EDD 6/27/18, hCG drop and no fetal development at 6w, D&C 11/3/17
    BFP #4 4/21/18, EDD 1/3/19, mc due to Trisomy 22 after HB stopped at 8w 
    Sept 2018 ER - 15R, 10M, 10F, 9 blasts, 5 PGS normal
    Transfer of 1 PGS normal embryo leading to BFP #5, baby boy EDD 8/29/19 


    aukeevWinchesterGirl
  • I'm so surprised how many moms are getting pressure to stay home! I feel like moms gotta do what's best for THEIR family.  My mom stayed home so she is constantly pressuring me to stay home despite the fact that we have repeatedly sat their boomer asses down and explained how the economy looks these days.  
    BabyFruit Ticker

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
    wabash15suzycupcake
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