Inappropriate Comments/Questions Thread v2.0

suzycupcake · January 2019

Taken from June BMB. Thought we could share those things our friends, family, and coworkers have said/asked but *probably* shouldn't have.

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/NTkPcydaGnuvu/giphy.gif

peachy0709 · January 2019

So I quit my job to start a new one (FEBRUARY 4!!!) and while I normally wouldn't tell them I'm pregnant this early (8w) I knew it would save me a lot of heartache and avoid counteroffer discussions, etc (I HATE my current job and no amount of money could get me to stay). Well of course my boss has been telling EVERYONE (because it makes her feel better that I'm leaving because of 3 kids and not because she heinous) and my assistant said yesterday that she could "see the baby bump!" No. You can't. Because the baby is the size of a raspberry. It's called bloat.

BigBadWolf12 · January 2019

@peachy0709 write up your boss to hr as a departing gift?

Eta bu seriously I'm sorry your boss is being such a jerk. Congrats on the new job!

mkrel · January 2019

@peachy0709 That is so obnoxious!

After beginning to share the news about having a second girl, I received my first "Well, two girls is still a blessing" comment like it was somehow disappointing that we aren't having a boy. I'm sure this is just the beginning of many comments about how we don't have one of each and "trying for a boy" in the future.

lilmamabebe3 · January 2019

Everyone I tell is like, "Aww, I really hope it's a girl this time!" and it fucking pisses me off. Regardless of whether or not I am hoping for one way or another, why do you need to be all up in my uterus?

Also I refuse to tell my in-laws because my FIL thinks he's funny and has made multiple comments of, "You're not allowed to breed," to us and seriously motherfucker it's none of your business what I do. GTFO.

I am so ragey today I swear. I hate everyone.

peachy0709 · January 2019

@mkrel - THIS IS MY WORST NIGHTMARE. We have two daughters and I love it and it's exactly what we wanted and I'm dreading comments about a third. DREADING.

thirdtimesacharm2019 · January 2019

@mkrel Yep! Two boys here... and my kids are super spaced out - 13 and 6 - so I get comments like “you FINALLY decided to try for a girl!” No $&@?#, I ordered a girl the first two times, but my request must have gotten lost in the mail. Don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE a girl, but I would also love another super sweet snuggly little boy. Get what you get and don’t pitch a fit. End rant.

WinchesterGirl · January 2019

I got my second "hopefully this is a girl so you'll have one of each" comment yesterday, swiftly followed by, "then you could be done. I mean you are so sick you should probably be done with 2. 2 was enough for me!"

... I'm so glad my life choices are up to you.

zamoraspin · January 2019

An aside, I am loving the absence of gender disappointment by the posters in this thread and the understanding that every child is a blessing and you don't need to have at least one of each to somehow be complete. "Get what you get and don’t pitch a fit." Love it, @thirdtimesacharm2019. As someone who has really struggled to have a first child I get annoyed by people who are deeply disappointed because they're not having a particular sex.

Posted in the randoms yesterday, but my MIL asked via text if I am pregnant. She hasn't seen me lately so it's just a rude, intrusive guess.

elizabeth_1985 · January 2019

@mkrel I have two girls. I kinda hope the third is a girl because it will make people's head explode. They already think 2 girls is too much.

zamoraspin · January 2019

@elizabeth_1985 I have five sisters! Some are half and some are step, only one is full, but still.

Allycat11 · January 2019

Love this! While I do have 1 of each, we truly have never cared about the gender of our children. When we found out DS was a boy my mom said to me, "Isn't it nice he is a boy so you can just be done?" We were planning to have a third no matter. I have several friends who have 3 girls and I love the make up of their families...and would feel the same about all boys in a family. When I hear someone announce they are having the second or third of the same gender I always respond with, "Congratulations, that is so exciting! They will have so much fun together!" It is always met with relief that I dont have something negative to say.

It drives me crazy when people say they are trying for a specific gender...that is not how this works, that is not how any of this works.

sourlemon · January 2019

One of the nurses at the OBs office asked if I wanted a boy or another girl (I have 2) and I said "I'd love a baby without a heart defect this time" and she said "well that's a tall order for your history". Like damn, I know. 0/2. I guess i set myself up for that one but I was still taken aback by that response.

lala123321567789 · January 2019

If anyone says something about us wanting girl I'm going to be all "I actually don't care. As long as I get a live baby at the end I couldn't care less if we have a boy or girl!!!!".

We haven't announced yet so I've avoided comments like that so far. They annoy me though, why do people make assumptions so quickly?!

wabash15 · January 2019

@sourlemon wow.... gosh that nurse deserves a TP

thirdtimesacharm2019 · January 2019

The only reason I would be slightly bummed with another boy is because we got rid of everything except the crib after #2. For quite a few years we didn’t think it was logistically/financially possible to have another, although I always knew in my heart we would find a way.

Babylovecali · January 2019

@Allycat11 The bump won’t let me love your comment right now so I had to respond, I love your comment that they will all have fun together!

I’m having a second boy and already got some comments about it not being a girl. Brothers sound pretty awesome to me.

olivemomma · January 2019

I have one of each. I love it and obviously wouldn’t change it. However, I think there is something so special about same sex siblings. My DH has one brother and they are just the best of friends. I feel most families I know with 2 boys or 2 girls (or 3 of each for that matter) are just so close. I’m actually a little sad that 1 of my kiddos won’t get a same sex sibling (this is our last baby). I’ve never cared about the sex but when we first thought we were having twins I really wanted 1 of each so we would have 2 boys and 2 girls and everyone would have their best bud. Not to say brothers/sisters can’t be as close, I know they can be, I just think there really is a special bond and people need to keep their mouths shut if you don’t end up with both!

Allycat11 · January 2019

@Babylovecali brothers sounds like SO much fun!

@olivemomma I feel the same way about the special bond between same sex siblings and am bummed that one of mine won't have that bond. DD will be almost 7 years older than this baby and they will never be in the same school, so even if this one is a girl I feel like the sisterly connection is not the same as two close in age. But I would love to do pink, bows, dance classes and all things girly again! On the other hand, DS will only be 3 years older than this one and I would love to see him bond with a brother. Also, so far DS has been wayyyy easier than DD. There are great things about another boy or another girl so it is a win either way if this baby sticks.

DH and I both are not close with our siblings so I just hope for better for my kids. His only sibling is a half sister who is almost 10 years older. My situation is complex but the only sibling I was raised with is a brother who is 5 years older. We only talk to our siblings a couple times a year and that is mainly obligated family functions.

mrosek91 · January 2019

I have to agree with everyone on the gender stuff. I grew up one of 4, 2 of each, and always wanted the same. But my husband family hasn't had a girl in 3 generations. He is one of 6 boys! So I keep joking there is no way we can have a girl. Obviously I would be thrilled if I was the one to break the streak, and give my MIL a girl, but I will be happy with a big brood of boys as well. We haven't told anyone I'm pregnant yet, but I'm expecting a lot of maybe this time it'll be a girl comments.

@Allycat11 my sister is 9 years older than me. Growing up we did not get along at all, and she left for college when I was just 9, so I didn't see that much of her. But once I went to college myself we connected and each realized the other was pretty cool. Now we're very close, and even though we live several states away, we talk on the phone several times a week.

Lotus_2008 · January 2019

Way before we got pregnant, DH's father and grandfather would comment that we were the last chance for DH's family name to continue. It used to bug me because we weren't even sure we would have kids.
Now that we are expecting a boy, I'm expecting all the comments about "saving the family name" when I could not care less about a family name.

jmesue1030 · January 2019

@Allycat11 @mrosek91 same with my sister!! We are 7 years apart and never had much in common growing up but are super close now. My mom, sister, and I have a group text and all talk several times/week. I’m glad we weren’t close in age growing up because we would have fought over everything, but since I was into dolls when she was into boys it was never really an issue

elizabeth_1985 · January 2019

I told my 5 yr old DD I was pregnant after a successful ultrasound at 10 weeks. She is super excited to the point that she tells random strangers. One of the strangers asked me how far along I was. I responded 11 weeks. Then, the stranger scolded my daughter because it "was too early to tell people." Yes, it is a little early. Yes, I do not make it a habit to tell random people. No, don't scold my DD for being excited.

wabash15 · January 2019

@elizabeth_1985 that was really rude of that person... You tell when your comfortable! we have not told our kiddos yet, though most people know. I just want to wait till our NT scan next week.

thirdtimesacharm2019 · January 2019

@elizabeth_1985 We were pregnant last summer and told our boys (then 6 and 12) almost right away. I get extreme morning sickness at 6 weeks like clockwork, so they would have been very inquisitive. Also thought it would help keep my stress level down if they knew I was growing a human (by better behavior). They were super excited.

We experienced the loss as a family, but I didn’t feel like I had to hide in my own home (we hadn’t told anyone but close family).

Do I regret telling them so early? Sometimes. Was I nervous to tell them this time? You bet. But long story short we did what we thought was right for our family and hopefully we are all a little stronger because of it.

Allycat11 · January 2019

@elizabeth_1985 that is insane for a stranger to say that! We told DD (6) at 8 weeks when the ultrasound showed growth was on track from the previous one and h/b was strong. I am on modified bed rest and it helps her understand why things are a little different at home right now. We usually don't announce until 13-16 weeks but with us struggling to function this time, I am very thankful for our village and that we have their support. We knew we could not tell DD until we were ready to tell the world because she is our chatty, outgoing, talks to everyone kiddo...who also happens to love babies.

elizabeth_1985 · January 2019

@Allycat11 I love the sibling excitement!

mrosek91 · March 2019

"You can't be 17 weeks, where are you hiding the baby? With your first we just thought you had good core musles because you'd never been pregnant, but this is your third."

thirdtimesacharm2019 · March 2019

@mrosek91 You should act all surprised like “oh my goodness! I must have left it at home!! This pregnancy brain”. 🙄🙄 people are a-holes

mia8263 · March 2019

I’m 16.4 weeks and my bowels have sucked this pregnancy. My coworker tells me on Thursday ‘wow you can really tell today.. are you sure it isn’t twins?!’ The next day she goes ‘where did that bump go?’ I wanted to say ‘I finally pooped after 3 days, you jerk’but I didn’t. Like come on who wants to hear that crap?!

emqbee · March 2019

I have two faves so far. I told my bosses and coworkers earlier than I preferred because I was staying so sick constantly at work. So at 9-10 weeks when I told boss, he go nods at my tummy and goes, ‘are you starting to show already?’ No jerk, I’m bloated. But thanks for noticing.

Second favorite was the the dental hygienist telling me exactly how my body was going to bounce back after the baby. Specifically how I would easily get back to my ‘original weight’ because of my age but that I shouldn’t expect for the weight to be proportioned the same. I should have thanked her for the insight into her crystal ball...

mamamias · March 2019

My boss's boss was leaving so there was a big farewell party at a local pub/restaurant. Everyone from our department was invited except me. When I mention this to my boss, he goes "what difference does it make? You can't drink anyways". Guess they don't care for the company either.

emqbee · March 2019

@mamamias that’s awful! That was a really thoughtless comment to make. People are jerks.

mamamias · March 2019

@emqbee He actually did me a favor in this case. I didn't really want to go and when asked I told everyone I wasn't invited. Although, you're right. He should have phrased it differently or fwd me the invite just for the hell of it.

suzycupcake · March 2019

@emqbee It's really bizarre when strangers project their experiences onto you like it has to be a rule or something. #creepy

zamoraspin · March 2019

Question: Is it common for people to question you on how secure your pregnancy is when you announce?

Around 15 weeks I announced to my grandmother and a friend of mine also blabbed to every single one of our common friends. *TW My grandmother and one of my friends asked me basically how likely I am to have a miscarriage at this point, but said it like, “And you’re far enough along things are pretty safe?” It was definitely a question, a fairly painful one. I know a lot of folks who have announced to a much broader spectrum of people much earlier. Is this because I have a history of recurrent loss or is this something other people get asked into the second tri?

peachy0709 · March 2019

"you're just going to love having a boy. they love their mothers so much more than girls."

@zamora_spin WHOA. No, not common. And painful. I'm sorry.

aukeev · March 2019

@zamora_spin Um, no. Not common at all, I wouldn't think. How thoughtless of her!

Every old woman at our church (which is a lot, in small town Oklahoma): "When is your last day at your job? You can't keep working after the baby is here, he won't know who his mother is if someone else watches him."

ETA, forgot this gem from another elderly person at church yesterday, after they found out I'll be returning to work: "It's inappropriate for a mother to work outside of the home. It's your duty to raise your family, you know."

wabash15 · March 2019

@zamora_spin Its not a super common question to ask... I guess they were asking because of your history, but they were being super insensitive. I'm sorry you didn't just get boat loads of joy and excitement.

I went to prenatal yoga on wednesday, the receptionist asked when I was going to leave my job.... Ummm I'm not, I'm the breadwinner.... Are you going to be getting a nanny... nope, still using daycare... Please stop judging me on my choices.

@oklahomak WTF, this is not 1940...

peachy0709 · March 2019

I'm so surprised how many moms are getting pressure to stay home! I feel like moms gotta do what's best for THEIR family. My mom stayed home so she is constantly pressuring me to stay home despite the fact that we have repeatedly sat their boomer asses down and explained how the economy looks these days.

mkrel · March 2019

As I was stuffing my face the other night my Mom asked me how much weight I have gained, which is barely any. She was like "Wow." She has always had a preoccupation with weight because she let herself get out of control and has projected her issues onto me my entire life. I love her, but if there is anything she should have learned from my last pregnancy, it is to STFU about anything weight related after I snapped at her for telling me to "watch it" as I ate a cookie. I have zero patience for that shit.

Inappropriate Comments/Questions Thread v2.0

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