@navete I would imagine avoiding the site all together for the day. The idea is to stop generating traffic on the site so that they don't just see our anger typed on the screen, they realize that they need the regular posters to make their income. Most ads pay by page views or clicks. If we remove our traffic from the boards for a day, the hope is they will see how much traffic the regulars actually create and realize that they can't take us for granted.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
I read that troll's posts and am pretty appalled. A lot of times, drive by posts are entertaining but the way she came back and posted about her supposed "insurance money" was just vindictive. I'm pretty disgusted with the BGs for how that whole situation was handled. And on that board of all places. Sick.
@Lbloom if you’re interested we’re planning a Bump blackout on Tuesday in the event that dpjennifer is not bailed out. We’d avoid the site (to avoid creating any traffic for their ads) to send a message that they can’t treat the regulars like that.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
I was surprised by the Bump Admin response. Seemed to have a condescending tone. Aren’t the rules set forth by them? They certainly seem ok letting all the regulars do their dirty work of rules enforcement/reminding...and then letting them take the fall as the “bad guys”. Guess we’re on for Blackout Tuesday
From TTGP: "Tomorrow (October 16th) we will be doing a bump blackout in support of our friend @dpjennifer. She was jailed last week after responding in a very tame manner to the drive-by who posted 3 separate threads within hours of each other. While the jailing is a temporary thing, it is still for 6 months; during this time, she is unable to start any new threads and she can only comment approximately once every 5 minutes both of which can hamper her ability to give the kind of support she is known for.
If you are going to participate in the blackout tomorrow, it involves not logging in to the bump at all and not just refraining from posting.
Feel free to keep this thread bumped up to the top of the board throughout the day."
I foresee a lot of Baby Center lurking tomorrow...
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
Shit shit shit!!!! I just remembered it’s tuesday and what the plan was for today. I even posted a TW Tuesday and it didn’t even cross my mind. I’ve been telling myself all weekend “no bump on Tuesday” and I still forgot. Ugh I’m so mad I forgot.
I had to keep reminding myself it was blackout day. Thankfully yesterday was busy so i didn’t have a lot of time to possibly bump.
my interview was yesterday and it was kind of a bust. I did as well as I could have but I just don’t have the right experience for the job. About halfway through the interview we all knew it, too. Fully expecting the “thank you for interviewing, but we’ve selected another candidate” email next week.
@catlady2015 ugh, that sucks. Interviewing is bad enough without having that happen. I hope your interviewers were at least gracious about it. And who knows, maybe they'll have an opening you're a better fit for.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
Apparently there were some new cat themed trolls running around while "the mice were away". Unfortunately no one was around to QFP and the BG's deleted all the posts. Here's June 19 talking about it though.
@catlady2015 ugh, interviews are tough enough without realizing halfway through it’s not a fit, sorry! Hopefully something good comes your way soon! @meggyme kind of sad I missed all the cat-related fun.
Sooo, I’ve only lurked here before. Sorry if it comes across as if I’m bombing this group! Not meaning to offend at all. I was in TTGP but it was my first foray into this app & found it mostly unwelcoming (to newbies in general, not to me specifically). So I’ve never posted here b/c I didn’t have a good experience there. But I’m honeslty wondering something, if you all could enlighten me that would be really helpful:
It seems like 95% of the harsh responses in TTGP are generated because there are 2 distinct groups of people there—those who have been trying for a long time and those who are new or new-ish in their trying journey. So someone who is new to all the conception stuff asks basic questions & gets chewed out for what would seem appropriate for a “Trying To Get Pregnant” Board but *definitely* not appropriate when one realizes that some people there have been trying everything for years and still no BFP. This is just my perception of the interactions on that board where newbies are involved. Inevitably, the newbie either gets feelings hurt or apologizes for not realizing she’s joined a group NOT of other new trying-to-get-preggers but rather a group of very experienced longtime want-to-be-preggers.
My question: How many times/or has anyone suggested two distinct groups for those two very different needs/sets of people who are TTGP? It seems like that would limit a lot of the problems. I know people often recommend the “Babies on the Brain” group but that’s really not the same as someone who is new to actively trying. There’s also the Trying To Conceive At Last board but people are rarely directed there. I just wondered how/whether this has been discussed in the past. Thanks in advance for the input.
On a different note: I didn’t see any of the drama in TTGP w whatever the troll did to get dpjennifer jailed in the first place. But I did peek in there yesterday & saw all the cat memes. Apparently, someone screen shot the fact that dpjennifer herself had logged into the app & was active on the very day that everyone was supporting her w the blackout. Then the hilarious “shocked” cat face memes ensued. I didn’t see the polls that got the comments ultimately deleted, but the memes were pretty classic & seemed harmless. Glad to see the efforts for justice got your friend out of jail.
Sooo, I’ve only lurked here before. Sorry if it comes across as if I’m bombing this group! Not meaning to offend at all. I was in TTGP but it was my first foray into this app & found it mostly unwelcoming (to newbies in general, not to me specifically). So I’ve never posted here b/c I didn’t have a good experience there. But I’m honeslty wondering something, if you all could enlighten me that would be really helpful:
It seems like 95% of the harsh responses in TTGP are generated because there are 2 distinct groups of people there—those who have been trying for a long time and those who are new or new-ish in their trying journey. So someone who is new to all the conception stuff asks basic questions & gets chewed out for what would seem appropriate for a “Trying To Get Pregnant” Board but *definitely* not appropriate when one realizes that some people there have been trying everything for years and still no BFP. This is just my perception of the interactions on that board where newbies are involved. Inevitably, the newbie either gets feelings hurt or apologizes for not realizing she’s joined a group NOT of other new trying-to-get-preggers but rather a group of very experienced longtime want-to-be-preggers.
My question: How many times/or has anyone suggested two distinct groups for those two very different needs/sets of people who are TTGP? It seems like that would limit a lot of the problems. I know people often recommend the “Babies on the Brain” group but that’s really not the same as someone who is new to actively trying. There’s also the Trying To Conceive At Last board but people are rarely directed there. I just wondered how/whether this has been discussed in the past. Thanks in advance for the input.
@keikilove As someone who has been fortunate enough to not have to try very long to get pregnant I've thought that too. And a lot of the ladies that have been there awhile tend to stick to a few threads like the IF or TTCAL thread. But it's also kind of like kicking someone out of their support system for something already painful and out of their control. It just adds insult to injury. For example, if people who are there for 12 months trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant are then getting asked to leave to a different board to start over in another community during such a difficult time, that isn't right. That's why I think it's never been suggested.
And then there are more complicated situations like ladies that may have had several losses. Infertility isn't necessarily their issue, but maintaining a healthy pregnancy is. So have they been trying for 2 years with multiple losses or does the clock restart with every loss? There's not really a clear delineation.
Most of the time it's less about being new to TTC and more about reading the room you just walked into before posting about how annoying the TWW is after 2 months of trying. Much like here, there's an organization that helps things run smooth and helps protect people's emotions if they're having a hard day with their personal struggle. When people bomb in with look at me threads with nothing to offer but "give me the answer I need" then they get snarked. Most of the time when it's a newbie with an inocuous question or intro they get redirected and told where to start in joining the community (with less snark).
And as for a TTC At Last board, I've never seen that one. Are you talking about TTCAL because I'm pretty sure that's for TTC After Loss.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
@keikilove TTCAL is for those who’ve experienced a loss. I wasn’t TTC for that long, and probably stepped on a few toes when I first started posting in the TTGP board. But I got a feel for how things worked there and ended up finding it to be informative, helpful and good support. Would also point out that the ladies who have been TTC for a while are a wealth of knowledge. So long as newbies lurk and make an effort to really join the community, people tend to be pretty forgiving. That was my experience at least.
@meggyme & @lelkcot Thank you for the responses. I meant TTCAL thread, not board. I’ve seen those two terms for it used interchangeably in other comments. I never used it as a resource because neither fit my situation so didn’t realize how many have experienced loss in addition to those who had just plain lack of success with conception.
@meggyme It completely makes sense that no one should be asked to leave and join another board once they hit a certain time limit of TTC. I agree with you that it would totally add insult to injury. And it wouldn’t make sense to limit all newbies to their own newbie group because, as most will have eventual success at TTGP & move on to their own BMBs, there wouldn’t be anyone left to provide support or deep insight. I’m not sure what the solution is, exactly.
It just looks like every single day in TTGP someone new asks a logical question that is met w less-than-kind snark or redirection. It comes across as really unwelcoming & not understanding of the fact that TTGP is the most logical place for a new person to post their questions when they begin Trying To Get Pregnant. Based on what I saw the first few days I joined, I wouldn’t have stuck around this app at all if it weren’t for some veterans who inboxed me and commiserated, or told me the history of the app, or the history of how that group had evolved, and encouraged me to try other boards or stay in touch via inbox. Then I started inboxing & doing the same for others who I saw get greeted less than warmly.
My original question was really to try to think of a way to limit the issues in the first place. I lurked, I see plenty of newbies that say they lurked before posting, yet there are still so many mistakes and mean comments in response. It really takes someone with resolve to stick around after the way some are treated. So many don’t stick around after their initial interactions & that’s a shame. And I don’t think people should have to apologize in order to be accepted by the group. (Or in my case, to share my own long battle w health issues before being able to conceive again & then be accepted by the long-timers thanks to my sob story.) It really seems like almost all of the original posts that get shamed are logical things to post in a TTGP group. Maybe a blatant clarification of the two distinct groups who use the board could go in the intro of the sticky welcome thread. Maybe that would do it, I don’t know...
@keikilove this whole forum is just so much more than a place to post questions though, it's a community. Just like every IRL community, there will be some personalities you don't get along with, but for the most part everyone is agreeable enough. If/when people make mistakes and are unknowingly insensitive they get called out, and if they apologize and follow the guidelines, they are welcomed. But if someone burst in and made it all about them without ever attempting to join to community they want to benefit from, they'd get the side-eye. If they choose to leave, there are plenty of other TTC/pregnancy boards for them to try. I don't see it as a loss, I see it as something that didn't fit for them. I know I've been flamed for posting in the wrong place. But you apologize and you move on.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
There a actually a ton on newbies that join the TTGP board without being turned away or treated poorly. It’s just not as obvious because they followed the rules and post in the correct places and got to know the community first so there was no blow up to see. I only TTC for 6 months and compared to most there, had a short road to my pregnancy and I received tons of helpful, scientific advice and support from many of the ladies.
Also some added background information: some of the ladies have been there since the bump was run a bit differently. The app has changed a ton in just the 3 years I’ve been on it. So things have been added and changed around an already existing community. It wouldn’t be kind to ask that community to clear out and move here or there when they have already established a safe place for themselves. Unfortunately they have to protect their safe place from a huge internet world of strangers.
My MIL is here for a week, ladies. Please send good vibes that I don’t want to kill her!! I’m usually only good with company for a couple days and I won’t have the house to myself till next Monday:(
So I have a pair of black faux leather leggings I want to wear to the wedding welcome party I'm going to on Friday and I have no idea how to style them. Any suggestions?
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
@lelkcot it'll be in DC, so fall weather for sure. I've got a grey tunic from pink blush I haven't worn yet, so maybe I'll see if that fits well yet. Do you think heeled tan suede booties or heels?
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
AFM I need to invest in some noise canceling headphones or I’m going to either damage my hearing or throw something at the guy in my office who keeps clearing his throat...
Re: TTGP Check In October
I read that troll's posts and am pretty appalled. A lot of times, drive by posts are entertaining but the way she came back and posted about her supposed "insurance money" was just vindictive. I'm pretty disgusted with the BGs for how that whole situation was handled. And on that board of all places. Sick.
"Tomorrow (October 16th) we will be doing a bump blackout in support of our friend @dpjennifer. She was jailed last week after responding in a very tame manner to the drive-by who posted 3 separate threads within hours of each other. While the jailing is a temporary thing, it is still for 6 months; during this time, she is unable to start any new threads and she can only comment approximately once every 5 minutes both of which can hamper her ability to give the kind of support she is known for.
If you are going to participate in the blackout tomorrow, it involves not logging in to the bump at all and not just refraining from posting.
Feel free to keep this thread bumped up to the top of the board throughout the day."
I foresee a lot of Baby Center lurking tomorrow...
my interview was yesterday and it was kind of a bust. I did as well as I could have but I just don’t have the right experience for the job. About halfway through the interview we all knew it, too. Fully expecting the “thank you for interviewing, but we’ve selected another candidate” email next week.
Married: 2016
BFP #1 4/23/18, blighted ovum 5/29/18
BFP#2 7/14/18, DS 4/5/19
https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12735595/bump-blackout-in-support-of-dpjennifer/p1
@meggyme kind of sad I missed all the cat-related fun.
Married: 2016
BFP #1 4/23/18, blighted ovum 5/29/18
BFP#2 7/14/18, DS 4/5/19
It seems like 95% of the harsh responses in TTGP are generated because there are 2 distinct groups of people there—those who have been trying for a long time and those who are new or new-ish in their trying journey. So someone who is new to all the conception stuff asks basic questions & gets chewed out for what would seem appropriate for a “Trying To Get Pregnant” Board but *definitely* not appropriate when one realizes that some people there have been trying everything for years and still no BFP. This is just my perception of the interactions on that board where newbies are involved. Inevitably, the newbie either gets feelings hurt or apologizes for not realizing she’s joined a group NOT of other new trying-to-get-preggers but rather a group of very experienced longtime want-to-be-preggers.
My question: How many times/or has anyone suggested two distinct groups for those two very different needs/sets of people who are TTGP? It seems like that would limit a lot of the problems. I know people often recommend the “Babies on the Brain” group but that’s really not the same as someone who is new to actively trying. There’s also the Trying To Conceive At Last board but people are rarely directed there. I just wondered how/whether this has been discussed in the past.
Thanks in advance for the input.
@keikilove As someone who has been fortunate enough to not have to try very long to get pregnant I've thought that too. And a lot of the ladies that have been there awhile tend to stick to a few threads like the IF or TTCAL thread. But it's also kind of like kicking someone out of their support system for something already painful and out of their control. It just adds insult to injury. For example, if people who are there for 12 months trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant are then getting asked to leave to a different board to start over in another community during such a difficult time, that isn't right. That's why I think it's never been suggested.
And then there are more complicated situations like ladies that may have had several losses. Infertility isn't necessarily their issue, but maintaining a healthy pregnancy is. So have they been trying for 2 years with multiple losses or does the clock restart with every loss? There's not really a clear delineation.
Most of the time it's less about being new to TTC and more about reading the room you just walked into before posting about how annoying the TWW is after 2 months of trying. Much like here, there's an organization that helps things run smooth and helps protect people's emotions if they're having a hard day with their personal struggle. When people bomb in with look at me threads with nothing to offer but "give me the answer I need" then they get snarked. Most of the time when it's a newbie with an inocuous question or intro they get redirected and told where to start in joining the community (with less snark).
And as for a TTC At Last board, I've never seen that one. Are you talking about TTCAL because I'm pretty sure that's for TTC After Loss.
I wasn’t TTC for that long, and probably stepped on a few toes when I first started posting in the TTGP board. But I got a feel for how things worked there and ended up finding it to be informative, helpful and good support.
Would also point out that the ladies who have been TTC for a while are a wealth of knowledge. So long as newbies lurk and make an effort to really join the community, people tend to be pretty forgiving. That was my experience at least.
@meggyme It completely makes sense that no one should be asked to leave and join another board once they hit a certain time limit of TTC. I agree with you that it would totally add insult to injury. And it wouldn’t make sense to limit all newbies to their own newbie group because, as most will have eventual success at TTGP & move on to their own BMBs, there wouldn’t be anyone left to provide support or deep insight. I’m not sure what the solution is, exactly.
It just looks like every single day in TTGP someone new asks a logical question that is met w less-than-kind snark or redirection. It comes across as really unwelcoming & not understanding of the fact that TTGP is the most logical place for a new person to post their questions when they begin Trying To Get Pregnant. Based on what I saw the first few days I joined, I wouldn’t have stuck around this app at all if it weren’t for some veterans who inboxed me and commiserated, or told me the history of the app, or the history of how that group had evolved, and encouraged me to try other boards or stay in touch via inbox. Then I started inboxing & doing the same for others who I saw get greeted less than warmly.
My original question was really to try to think of a way to limit the issues in the first place. I lurked, I see plenty of newbies that say they lurked before posting, yet there are still so many mistakes and mean comments in response. It really takes someone with resolve to stick around after the way some are treated. So many don’t stick around after their initial interactions & that’s a shame. And I don’t think people should have to apologize in order to be accepted by the group. (Or in my case, to share my own long battle w health issues before being able to conceive again & then be accepted by the long-timers thanks to my sob story.) It really seems like almost all of the original posts that get shamed are logical things to post in a TTGP group. Maybe a blatant clarification of the two distinct groups who use the board could go in the intro of the sticky welcome thread. Maybe that would do it, I don’t know...
Also some added background information: some of the ladies have been there since the bump was run a bit differently. The app has changed a ton in just the 3 years I’ve been on it. So things have been added and changed around an already existing community. It wouldn’t be kind to ask that community to clear out and move here or there when they have already established a safe place for themselves. Unfortunately they have to protect their safe place from a huge internet world of strangers.
Married: 2016
BFP #1 4/23/18, blighted ovum 5/29/18
BFP#2 7/14/18, DS 4/5/19