Questions -- Month of September

lifesabeach85

@firsttimespartanmom I always thought you had to use a rectal thermometer on newborns. I think I remember someone on here saying a temporal thermometer might be ok though?

MouseMama817

@firsttimespartanmom +1 on the rectal thermometer for newborns. It’s supposed to be more acurate. Just dab a bit of Vaseline on it and voila. This is the one we used: https://www.target.com/p/safety-1st-174-advanced-solutions-high-speed-infant-thermometer/-/A-14374338?ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=google_pla_df&CPNG=PLA_Baby+Shopping&adgroup=SC_Baby&LID=700000001170770pgs&network=g&device=m&location=9012403&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI8OyC7uup3QIVk4-zCh2nfw_qEAQYBCABEgK07vD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds


 I cannot for the life of me find a temporal thermometer that feels accurate. We currently use the SafetyFirst brand because I found it to be too complicated to rub all over DD’s forehead w/ the $35 one. But even so, she will be burning up and the damn thing will give a normal reading. I have to take multiple readings to get an accurate idea. But I do like that i can just hold it near her temple and be done. Does anyone have one they really prefer? 

mockingjay1

I bought an expensive temporal thermometer with DS and I hate it. I can do it 4 times and get 4 different temperatures. I much prefer the ear thermometer, but they aren't recommended until baby is at least 6 months old. Until then I just use a plain ole digital thermometer under the arm, and if it's abnormal I'll take a rectal temperature. 

runningyogimama

We’ve had an exergen temporal thermometer since DD1 was a baby. The pedi uses a temporal one, and it gives us a ballpark, even if different attempts vary slightly. We just had a cheap digital one for just in case when she was younger, but I don’t think we ever needed to use one rectally (which I thought wasn’t actually recommended anymore? I feel like I read that somewhere). 

offtoneverland

@mockingjay1 Do you have any tricks for doing the underarm temp? Whenever I try it, the temp is outrageously low and I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. 

mockingjay1

@offtoneverland - I just lift baby's arm and stick the thermometer in the deepest part of the armpit, place baby's arm back down and you have to hold it down. Babies hate it, so I usually pat them while I do it and it helps. I think a lot of times parents don't want to make their sweet babies cry so they are "too gentle" if you will. In the NICU and nursery we've always done axillary temperatures. 

pink_polkadots

@offtoneverland when I was a preschool teacher, we had to take underarm temperatures. We were taught that the end of the thermometer has to go like where @mockingjay1 said, and you have to almost hurt them with it because you have to slightly push it in there and push the arm down tight over top of it. They said if it’s uncomfortable for the child, then you’re doing it right. 

offtoneverland

@mockingjay1 @pink_polkadots Thank you both so much! That's exactly what I was doing wrong; I was just lightly putting it under her arm then holding her arm down. No wonder! Thank you!

susan112118

I was recently diagnosed with anemia (not a surprise because I rarely eat meat). The doctor started me on iron supplements and they seem to give me a headache every day and have made my leg cramps at night much worse. Has anyone else had a similar experience and was there anything you could do to make it better?

herewegoagain3rd

So quick question, I have been doing kick counts since the beginning of this week (when I turned 28 weeks). Yesterday and today I did them and got my 10 movements in less than an hour. However, it just feels like little man's overall movement is much less. Do you think I am just driving myself crazy and should be happy I am getting the movement when I really pay attention or is it something that maybe my doctor should know about? I go in for my next US tomorrow afternoon. My last one (a week ago) showed everything was fine.

firsttimespartanmom

@bfpafter4years my philosophy is that if you’re even the least bit worried, mention it to your doctor. At the least, they’ll tell you it’s nothing to worry about and you’ll have peace of mind. 

offtoneverland

@bfpafter4years Honestly, I've never done kick counts. Not in this pregnancy or my last. If the baby is moving like usual it's probably fine. Maybe by doing the kick counts you're paying extra attention to it so it seems different than usual. But of  course, if you're ever nervous you should call your doctor probably. 

lifesabeach85

@bfpafter4years They say that babies are the most active between 24-28 weeks because they have lots of room to move, and then they slow down as they get bigger. My current OB uses the standard of ten movements in three hours, because babies sleep a lot. My former OB did not recommend kick counts and said just be aware if they really aren't moving at times they normally do and then try to wake them up with cold juice and a lie down. I don't think you should be worried, but it's always worth a call to the nurse and an email to your doctor first thing tomorrow to hear it from them - that's what they're there for!

BabyBoyH92016

I don’t do kick counts (my ob isn’t really into them either bc it can drive you nuts) I try to make sure to note that I’ve felt baby move morning, afternoon, and night, but I don’t count movements. I feel her most when I’m laying down or sitting, and because I’m mostly on my feet all day running around with my toddler, it would be impossible for me to do count movements. 

@susan112118 my iron pill was giving me stomach issues, and I switched from taking it in the morning with food, to taking it at night, a couple hours after dinner, and now I feel totally fine. What brand do you use. My doctor recommended a slow release pill. I think it’s called Slow FE 

mockingjay1

@bfpafter4years - If you're worried about it and truly feel like baby is overall moving less, I'd call your doctor and let them make the decision about what to do. My office has signs up that talk about kick counts (10 kicks in 2 hours) and to call if you try all the tricks to get baby to move and you still aren't counting enough movements. On that sign it also says to call if you feel like there has been a noticeable change in how much baby is moving. Always better to be safe than sorry. I don't usually feel the big jabs anymore, but I feel a lot of rolling kind of movements. Hopefully your baby is just resting and growing, but like I said if you're concerned it never hurts to call. 

EvilRaccoon

For the STM+, how involved was your husband/partner during birth? For those who have a partner who is squeamish or afraid of blood, how was it? How did you both deal with it?

Mine really wants to participate, however he is deadly afraid of blood and squeamish, he will faint if he sees something gross/bloody. He doesn't mind losing conscience, he just really does not want to leave me all alone if he passes out.

pelorunningmama

@evilraccoon My husband was surprisingly more involved than what he thought he would be. I was shocked with my first because I always assumed there were quite a few in the hospital room during birth, but it has always just been me, my husband, my OB and a nurse. My husband held one leg, the nurse held the other. With DD, we had to bring a mirror in to help me and my husband actually watched. He NEVER thought he would do that. With DS, no mirror required, but he did end up cutting the cord which he didn't do with DD. 

I think if he is squeamish, he could still be pretty involved. He would be able to hold your leg without seeing much of anything. He could just focus on your face. 

firsttimespartanmom

@EvilRaccoon, FTM here, but my DH is super weird about blood and stuff. We’ve been already decided he will be up by my head and only looking at my face, because I don’t want him to pass out and need the nurses to take attention away from me to give to him! 

mamabee1113

Anyone have input on infant car seat head supports? Are they needed and are they safe as something added into the car seat? (Picture of the kind of supports I’m talking about in spoiler)

highsteaks

@rosebud1230 anything that wasn’t made by the same carseat manufacturer to add to the carseat is not recommended, because it hasn’t been tested for safety in a crash simulation. stuff that comes between baby and car seat is especially discouraged. that particular support you pip’d would be a definite no go. to exception to this, (and looong bitter battle story connected to me learning about this) is rolled up baby blankets to wedge around body. from the car seat lady:



read more: https://thecarseatlady.com/newbornheadposition/

mamabee1113

@highsteaks thank you! I actually read that post when doing a bit of googling before coming to ask! I thought things like that support were bad, and from what I was reading online there were mixed reviews. Then I had my mom, grandmother, and others telling me the baby needed it because it won’t be able to support its own head... I just couldn’t figure out what the current accepted stance is for what is safe. 

highsteaks

@rosebud1230 i feel ya. good grief the conversations i’ve had with my mil about changing safety recommendations. never fun. 

lifesabeach85

@EvilRaccoon my experience was a lot like @wannaflickone. DH isn't crazy about blood (not like deathly afraid, never thought he would actually vomit/pass out) but I thought he would just be up at my head holding my hand. Nah, he was like really involved. He was the one who was like " I see her head, she's almost here!" It wasn't weird, FWIW.

Even if your husband remains up at your head holding your hand, there's not a great way to avoid the presence of bodily fluids during labor and delivery. There's a lot coming out of you - mucus, blood  (the bloody show!), amniotic fluid, and yes, quite realistically even pee and poop. I think for a lot of people the excitement and adrenaline compensates for your usual modesty and squeamishness.

mockingjay1

@rosebud1230 - like PP said, absolutely no adding anything that didn't come with the carseat to the carseat (including head rests, strap pads, etc). NOTHING underneath them including those winter covers that go under them (just over is fine), because just like a coat those things compress in an accident and baby could fly out. My advice would be to get a carseat that comes with good head support already. Otherwise you can always roll up a blanket on each side of baby to help secure their head. It annoys the crap out of me places sell things that are unsafe in carseats because so many people assume because they are sold they are safe.

mamabee1113

@mockingjay1 thank you! The car seat we got already has a (removable) insert for support, but for some reason my mom/gma/SIL we’re telling me it isn’t enough. They were saying remove that one and buy one like in my first post to use. All of their opinions are weighing too much on my lack of knowledge and experience as a FTM. I trust them and love their advice, but it’s been a long time since any of them have had babies, so their advice is sometimes out of date with current safety standards.

soehlerk

Question: How are you all handling the holidays?  We're due a week before Thanksgiving, and DH is saying that his family is going to throw a fit if we don't drive there (5 hours) for Christmas.  Their Christmas traditions have a lot of late nights, their extended family usually can't be bothered to get a flu shot, and I just don't want to deal with the criticisms of being overprotective or wanting to stick to a schedule.  Right now I'd strongly prefer to just stay home--and I don't want to commit us to anything 6 weeks after she arrives.

Curious what you all are doing?  Anybody else in a similar boat?

mockingjay1

@soehlerk - With DS (also a Nov baby) we only saw immediate family for the holidays. We didn't go to the big family gatherings and if people had a problem with that tough luck (fortunately they were all pretty understanding). I wasn't exposing my newborn to that many people during flu season. If you're not comfortable with it I think you and DH need to get on the same page and tell people early so they know. If they throw a fit, they are being pretty selfish. We're doing the same thing this time around, only seeing immediate family and not attending the bigger family gatherings. 

BabyBoyH92016

@soehlerk Our entire family goes down to a lake house (about 1.5 hrs away) every year during Xmas. The lake house is really big, and last year 13 of us stayed in the house. All but 2 came down with the flu right after. On top of that, my H’s extended family also has homes in this community so our gatherings during Christmas get extremely large. 

This year we told everyone we are staying home and hibernating. Last year my son was a little over 1 and we had to rush him to the hospital with 105 fever two days after Christmas. There is no way I’m staying in close quarters or doing large gatherings during cold and flu season with a newborn. 

firsttimespartanmom

@soehlerk i am in a similar boat with people - DH immediate family alone has more than 20 people. I’ve said I don’t want to go to thanksgiving but he’s already pushed back...I have truly no idea what we’re doing to do but if we do end up going, I will probably wear baby as much as possible to prevent everyone and their mother wanting to hold them. Also, we’ve made a rule that no kids are to hold the baby until they’re older and are able to get vaccinated (this is how we got around my SIL and her unvaccinated kids). 

offtoneverland

@rosebud1230 I agree with everyone else. Since your carseat comes with nice supports, there's no reason you need to buy anything else, and it wouldn't be safe either! 

mamabee1113

@soehlerk We are kind of in a similar situation, but not quite since we are far away from family. We have told family they will just have to be happy with FaceTime-ing us 3 at Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. They’re disappointed because of course everyone wants to meet the new baby ASAP, but the majority is understanding of our decision.
However, a few family members tried to tell us we could make the trip; that traveling with a newborn was no big deal since they sleep a lot and blah blah blah. And my MIL refuses to believe we will not be home for Christmas with the baby. If baby comes on his/her due date, s/he will be just over one month old. I politely told them all there is no way in hell I am taking a one month old on two lengthy plane rides and through two airports, nor will we be driving 26 hours with a one month old just to be home for Christmas. Even though we’ve told her we aren’t coming she keeps saying “well, when we we y’all at Christmas...” and “When you get here in December...” 

emjohn517

Just adding to whomever- 

MH was pretty timid, but very curious during birth. He was there and involved, but we had so much medical staff hovering that he felt awkward and stayed out of the way. Once she was born he went to the NICU with her though and kind of went into a new dad hyper active mode lol. 


As for holidays, DD was born right before thanksgiving, we did go to my in laws for a very small dinner. I would only be around immediate family who had their flu and Tdap shots prior. As for Christmas, close family came to us. My parents helped cook a nice dinner and we just kept it small. 

runningyogimama

@soehlerk I’m super stressing about the holidays - none of our families would be understanding and all will expect us to be there. I’m due 11/1, so baby will be a few weeks old by thanksgiving, but our normal thanksgiving consists of going to the IL’s, who are close by, and then my mom’s side of the family, about an hour away, and I just don’t see that being fun with a few week old/I don’t see feeling like doing that at a few weeks pp. I can already feel the massive guilt trip from my mom....

I also see christmas being being a nightmare....I’m not looking forward to the holidays this year because of all the guilt we will get if we don’t go....

lifesabeach85

@soehlerk in that situation I would definitely say no. I feel strongly that a new baby is a completely valid reason to avoid travel/crowds/stressful events. Thanksgiving and Christmas happen every year, it’s not like you can’t just see them another time or another holiday or FaceTime. People with newborns should not feel bad about bowing out of any event, and anyone who makes you feel guilty is the one in the wrong. 

My parents/sisters/grandparents live within a mile of us but we are still saying we’ll play Thanksgiving by ear and just see how we’re doing that day. We are still debating Christmas. My ILs live in Chicago, DH doesn’t wanna go but I’m kinda like let’s just go, DD2 will be 7/8weeks and we flew with Dd and that age and it was easy but we shall see...

ginny_203

@soehlerk we're staying put and having the holidays at our house with immediate family only. Sad that we'll miss the extended family party, but I can't count on them to not touch the baby, get a flu shot, etc. and I'd rather not stress about it or make anyone feel uncomfortable as I know they'll all want to hold her. 

ginny_203

Has anyone considered or used an Owlet smart sock? A friend of mine had a baby who sadly passed away from SIDS at 4 months old and I'm starting to get severe anxiety about the idea of that happening to us...  

BabyBoyH92016

@ginny_203 I was so anxious about sids/suffocation when I was pregnant last time we bought the owlet but never ended up using it. Turns out babies are noisy sleepers and we room shared for the first several months so I never really felt like we needed to use it. When he started to do really long stretches of sleep at night I would sometimes wake up in a panic and check if he was breathing. If he were a premie or had reflux I probably would have felt differently, but we just never felt the need to use the owlet. My ped was also not a fan because they do have false alarms which stresses parents out. Im not going to tell you to not get one, since I was extremely anxious about sids as well, nothing could of stopped me from purchasing one. Even though it was $200 down the drain, I guess I’m glad I had one on hand in case I ever felt I needed it. Who knows how i will feel once this baby comes. 

firsttimespartanmom

@ginny_203 I have not, but have heard that doctors recommend against them because they go off unnecessarily. That said, I do have a friend who recommended the pad or something you put under the mattress to detect movement and she said that was very reassuring, I cannot remember what it’s called. Maybe ask your doctor what they might recommend? 

Do we have a thread for hospital bags? I was starting to make a list and thought that might be helpful. I can start one if we don’t have one!

soehlerk

@ginny_203 We registered for the Snuza--it's about $100, and you clip it onto the diaper.  I figure at that price even if it does go off at the wrong times and drives us nuts, we should probably be able to get half of that money back by selling it second-hand.  But if it actually does what it says and gives you peace of mind, then it's well worth the money.

lifesabeach85

@firsttimespartanmom bumped it for ya