Pregnant and Working - Page 2 — The Bump
March 2019 Moms

Pregnant and Working


Re: Pregnant and Working

  • Im the speech therapist at a school and am definitely closer to some of the teachers than others. Im planning on telling special ed staff at a meeting and then everyone else I’m planning on bringing in doughnuts or treats of some kind and sending the school an email giving them the news and asking them to help us celebrate by grabbing a treat in the teachers lounge.
  • Thank you for all the suggestions! My school is all about the “all school email” so doing it with treats is perfect! I suppose I’ll tell the teachers I’m working with and then send the email/make treats. I’m such an introvert that “announcing” it at a meeting gives me the worst anxiety. I’m 12 weeks now and we’ve seen and heard the baby already so I feel comfortable sharing. 
  • I’m holding off as long as possible but I’ve noticed a couple of people at work looking at me funny. Honestly, I will probably only tell HR because I’m close to them, and then *maybe* begrudgingly tell my terrible boss. I’m not telling anyone else after that and hope to find a new job before I’m too far into the second tri. 
  • I was just switched to a new office (same company) but I work part time (one day a week). So far, I’ve only been into the office once. Now that I’m officially in the second trimester  I’m wondering how long is appropriate to hold off on telling them? I’d like to get settled in the new office for a little while, but I’m not sure how long to wait. Thoughts?
  • @keikilove I’m so sorry your work has been awful! Any leads on someplace new? I’m sure that work stress is exactly what you don’t need right now
  • @mamaoftwomonkeys I don't think there's any harm in holding off for a month or two. Maybe tell at least your boss before they get too suspicious of your growing belly.

    @keikilove I'm sorry you are having such a rough time at work. I hope your job search goes well.
    ME: 31  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
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  • @mamaoftwomonkeys I’m in a similar situation except I am at a completely new job. I am planning on waiting until October since Im not showing and I haven’t had a chance to get to know everyone. Hoping to make a good impression before I break the news. I’ll be 15 weeks on Friday so when I tell work, I’ll be 5 months ish.  :#
  • Is anyone here working at a contract position for a fixed term? I'm currently job hunting and one of my options is for a year- to three-year contract position. Curious if anyone else is in the same boat and how you're navigating contractual obligations with maternity leave. 
    Me: 37 DH: 40
    Married: 2016
    BFP #1 4/23/18, blighted ovum 5/29/18
    BFP#2 7/14/18, Brian 4/5/19
  • @catlady2015 yes, I started a role as an independent contractor with a 1 year contract back at the beginning of August. Honestly I have no idea how maternity leave will be handled. I  probably need to look into it before telling my bosses next week!
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  • So I am looking for opinions on which is the less awkward way to handle telling my team.

    Background: I have been with the company 6 months. I work remotely and have not met most of my colleagues. I have told my boss but no one else.

    I will be going into the office next week for the first time. Do I tell them in an awkward email or team call tomorrow, or do I just show up to the office with my bump out? I’m not one for announcements or the attention that comes with, so I find both options awkward. 

    What do you think? 
  • @maggiemadeit I’m inclined to say that if you don’t know any of them that personally there’s no need to tell them. Maybe bring clothes that make you more obviously pregnant and mention it casually or if anyone asks.
    ME: 31  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
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  • I started telling coworkers on my various teams individually today since the NT scan was clear, but haven't told my boss yet because tomorrow is his last day and they haven't identified his replacement yet. I'll tell his temporary replacement tomorrow, but she wasn't in the office today. 
  • @maggiemadeit I agree with @meggyme, you really don’t owe them an explanation. I think it would come across much better in natural conversation, if I remember correctly you will be there for a few days, at some point you’re bound to have a chat with someone about families and you can just slip in that you’re excited for another little one & let it spread from there. 
    Me: 30 DH: 31
    Married: 2012
    BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016 <3 | BFP #3 May 2017, MC July 2017 | BFP #4 Jan 2018, MC Feb 2018 | BFP #5 July 2018, fingers crossed
  • @mamakate1616 @meggyme Thanks ladies. This is what I was learning towards but it helps to hear your opinions, especially because I tend to be bad at social type things. I am sure it will come up pretty naturally as it’s a friendly and chatty group, and I will be with them for a week. 
  • @maggiemadeit I have a remote job too. I ended up telling my team because I am at risk for complications and could end up missing a shift, I figured I should tell them now before that happens. But, I’m not telling anyone that wouldn’t be affected by that.

    Me: 36, DH 37.

    August 2014- 6w MMC

    July 2015- CP

    PCOS, plus some medical issues that make me high risk.

    Our rainbow babies are due 3/21!!!!!

  • I am a PhD student which means I am both a student and employee of the university I attend and have a variety of roles. For example, I am still a student and take classes and have advisors but I also help teach undergraduate classes and have undergraduate students helping me with research. Fellow graduate students are all over the place in terms of age (anywhere from 21 - late 30s) though most of the students I know are a few years younger than me in their mid-20s and nowhere close to getting married and having kids. 

    I need to tell my advisors soon because we have to plan research experiments for the next few months, but I only see one of my advisors in person regularly and the other is very hard to meet with. I am not sure if I should just tell the one advisor I meet with regularly and e-mail the other, or if I should just e-mail them both of them so they find out at the same time? I don't know if it's inappropriate to inform them of this via e-mail or if it's not a big deal. I'm afraid it will just be too long before I can meet with both of them in person together. 

    I also have no idea how to let other graduate students or undergraduates helping me out know. There are several grad students that I have taken classes with for the last year or so and I'm not necessarily "friends" with them, but I feel like I should say something eventually because it feels weird to just have people guessing about my body. I will also need to tell the undergraduates helping me at some point because I will likely need their help even more while I am away after giving birth. 

    Like others have mentioned, I am not looking forward to the attention I will be given after breaking the news and I really don't want to be treated differently, which I know is unavoidable to a certain extent. Graduate students obviously do get pregnant but it is not common and it is often hard to feel like an adult when I am still a student and often working with people at different stages of life than I'm at. 

    Anyways, I'm not sure if anyone can actually provide advice but that's the situation I'm not looking forward to dealing with! 
  • @bug_hunter Good luck deciding on how to break the news! In my experience, I would say in person is generally better and it’s okay to tell your advisors separately. When I told my bosses during my last pregnancy, I kept it short and sweet: “I have some news that is important for planning over the next few months. I’m happy to announce that I’m pregnant and just now in the second trimester, due ****. I’m planning on working for the duration of my pregnancy and would love over the next few months to work together on a plan for how to best manage maternity leave and return to work.” You could always tell them over email and request a meeting to discuss details, but I think in person tends to be more well received. In regards to your undergrads, you only need to tell them when it affects their job I think and after you’ve hammered out details with your advisors. 
  • @bug_hunter I can commiserate with you on the awkwardness of being pregnant in grad school, and happy to share my experience if it helps.

    I had to tell my immediate advisor when she asked me to do an experiment that was dangerous to pregnancy (I was working with a virus that causes birth defects) around 10 weeks. I was terrified, becuase in the 90s she kicked two students out of her lab for having babies, but she was actually very supportive (in her own way). Before I told her I went to EH&S to discuss workplace hazards, and also the dean because of the previous incidents with my advisor. 

    I didn’t mention to the rest of my committee/advisors until I had my annual meeting with them when I was 6 months. I almost never saw them, and they were pretty hands-off. I also went to that meeting with a time-line and plan prepared for my leave and return. 

    My experience with grad students is that as soon as you tell one or two people it will circulate without you having to do much lol. 

    I wasn’t given a teaching assignment the semester of my leave, but did get 8 weeks paid leave. It wasn’t enough, but because I was technically a student and not an employee (even though I worked in the lab and teaching full time), I didn’t qualify for FMLA.

    It’s definitely a unique situation, and I hope you can find the support you need to navigate it. I recommend reaching out to an administrator or dean in addition to your advisor. It’s their job to have the student’s back. 
  • @mamaoftwomonkeys thanks for the advice! and @maggiemadeit thank you for sharing your story! That's crazy that you were working with a virus that causes birth defects! Luckily, I don't work with anything nearly that hazardous and spend most of my time with dirt and plants (though I probably should review the MSDS sheets for some chemicals I use for soil analysis...). 

    I am still working on building my committee and right now have two 'co-advisors' because the advisor I started with will likely retire before I finish my degree. I feel like I should fill them in at the same time, but I barely know one of them and she also doesn't give me the time of day so I guess I don't really care and I'll probably just tell the advisor I see regularly at our next meeting. 

    I'm torn about keeping it from people a little longer versus just letting everyone know. It's the start of the new semester and it's been really difficult catching up with people who are asking how things are going and NOT mentioning one of the biggest things in my life. I just end up kind of shrugging and saying everything is fine and the summer was pretty uneventful. I completely understand that as soon as one undergrad knows that EVERYBODY will know, which in some ways I guess makes it easier for me haha. 

    Also, I'm in an ecology department and I've overheard people talking about how they're willingly not having children because it's selfish due to the state of the planet so there's that level of awkwardness and judginess. But I guess part of becoming a mother means getting good at blowing off everyone's judgements! 
  • Since this is my 4th pregnancy, I started showing really early this time. I was extremely bloated by 6 weeks and was already starting to get questions since I was so sick. My boss knew pretty much right away. All of my co-workers and employees that report to me know as well. I’ve been in maternity clothes for about 3 weeks already so most of them assumed before I even mentioned it.

    I’m in management and work a desk job so there aren’t any restrictions on what I can and can’t do. My job is also really flexible and I’ve been able to work remotely from home on those days where I felt super sick early on.
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  • Does anyone have any experience interviewing for new jobs while pregnant?  My workplace is becoming very stressful and I was already thinking I will want to look for something with more family friendly hours once baby 3 comes.  A job popped up in my indeed emails with hours that would fit in better with our family life so I applied.  I haven't gotten a response yet but it made me curious about how to handle it if I do.  When would you tell them? Only if you receive an offer?  
  • @cdiddy81 no personal experience but I would wait to say anything until you have an offer and at that point nail down any flexible work arrangements and get your maternity leave agreed upon since you wouldn’t be eligible for fmla.
    ME: 31  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
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  • @meggyme thank you.  Small company so I wouldn't be eligible for FMLA anyway but I think I'd be covered under Mass maternity laws.  The rational side of me knows it would be best to work until March, take my leave, and perhaps make a move later (I think by company policy I need to return from leave for a period of time)  I just can't imagine working full-time with 3.  I worked part time with my other 2.  From a purely financial standpoint it makes no sense to move on now but I'm not at my most rational these days  :D
  • @meggyme FX for you on both fronts! I can’t believe how slowly they’re addressing (or not addressing) the mold issue!
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  • @lelkcot the issue is they think it’s in the actual air handler for the building, so it’s literally EVERYWHERE. They’d need to shut down the ventilation and clean it and then address all the mold growing in the building. Which means they don’t do regular air quality tests otherwise they should have caught it well before it got this bad. I’m glad I have other options.
    ME: 31  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
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  • @meggyme ugh, that’s horrifying. Really hope they get you out of there soon and also actually address the issue. 
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  • @meggyme That’s great news all around. I hope they can get you out of there sooner rather than later! 
  • @meggyme Your employer should be taking this more seriously.. I study mycology and mold spores aren't usually a problem for people with "normal" immune systems but can cause reactions in people with lowered immune systems (like us pregnant people), especially with regular exposure. A bunch of schools in my area were closed for weeks at the beginning of the school year for mold because they recognized that children should not be exposed to this for 8 hours a day. It was a huge headache to close schools for so long, but they realized it was important. Your workplace shouldn't be putting you at any risk, even if it's minor, and I hope they get you out of there soon! 
  • @bug_hunter that’s the government for you... I’m just glad I’m a contractor and already had made some plans to leave the building due to not being able to go on ships later in pregnancy. I basically just had to say “now” and he said he’d start working on the transition. I feel bad for all the other people without this option, many of which are pregnant sailors and elderly (mostly) men. SMH. I’m just hope I can sigh in relief when one day there’s a class action lawsuit for this.
    ME: 31  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
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  • @meggyme Ugh. How stressful and frustrating but I'm glad you have an out. It is infuriating that so many people are left powerless, though. Well, if you haven't already, maybe you should make sure to tell a doctor about your symptoms at your next visit so there's some documentation in case there ever is a lawsuit!
  • @bug_hunter yeah, I mentioned the mold last appt, started taking pics of the areas in my office and will mention the new symptoms at my appt next Friday.
    ME: 31  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
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  • Would that be subject to an OSHA inspection if someone complained?  ;)
  • meggymemeggyme
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    @lovesclimbing maybe. I might look into that.

    I’m authorized to start working from my company office tomorrow. I’m going to ask if they’re ok with me working from home since I live 3 miles closer. But I still have to drive to base to go on the ships. Not exactly what I had in mind, but better.
    ME: 31  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
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  • @lelkcot I would have done that on purpose so I didn’t have to talk to anyone, lol. Plus, more cookies for you and the baby  ;)
  • I dreamed last night that I finally decided to tell my boss and then was looking in a bunch of empty rooms & couldn’t find him so I didn’t have to tell him after all. Lol. He’s a nightmare to work with so I still haven’t said anything.

    No one at work knows, although I saw someone eyeing my stomach this week with huge round eyes. F- you, that’s why I’m not telling any of you nasty gossipy people at work. Wearing my loosest professional clothing this week. Hoping to make my exit very soon and never tell anyone at work... 
  • @lelkcot Those look amazing and sounds like the perfect do for no one to be around! 

    @keikilove Ugh girl, I don't blame you if work is that toxic. You don't need anyone around you like said people during this time. 

    My work has been great....just my new boss has me doing a million things. I can barely think straight with this preggo brain of mine  :D
    TTC #1 since April 2015
    June 2016 - CP
    2017 - Medicated Cycles & IUI's
    IVF w/ PGS  - January 2018
    FET #1 - April 2018 - BFN
    ERA Cycle May / June 2018
    ERA Biopsy June 2018 ~ Results: receptive (no change)
    FET #2 - July 2018 - BFP <3 Beta #1 - 137 Beta #2 - 410
    U/S #1 7wk1d - HB 144 U/S #2 9w1d HB 166
    Anatomy Scan 1st 11/2/18 2nd AS 11/19
    EDD March 28, 2019
    Baby Girl born 3/26/19  <3

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