My app has been struggling today too. @kiwi2628 I hope today is a better day for you!
Ya’ll I need some advice and I’m coming here because you’re internet strangers who don’t know the people involved. My best friend since I was 7 is married to my husbands cousin who is basically a brother to him. They’ve been married for almost 2 years and dated 6-7 years before that. They met in college via my H and I. We didn’t set them up, for the record.
Anyways, my husband mentioned last night that they had been going through a rough patch and were taking a break, but it wasn’t really his (helis cousins) fault and don’t say anything to her about it. I had no idea, she had mentioned he was grumpy. So today she texts me and wants me to come over later. Of course I’m going over and I want to be as supportive as possible, but I’m all kinds of worried. I’ve never really had friends with “marriage” issues and I want to be there for her. I’m concerned it’s going to be complicated. I’m also worried that their issues could make things tense between H and I.
One of the “rules” of marriage that I was told is to never speak ill of your spouse to anybody, like no complaining to your friends about everything they did wrong, even if you’re having marriage trouble. The friends may hold it against him even if you two work it out and you forgive him. If she breaks that rule, try to be supportive without saying anything bad about him, because if they work things out, she could hold the things you said about her H against you too. Plus it’s your H’s cousin, so if you said anything about him and it got back to him, things could get pretty awkward at family parties.
For you & H, remember it’s ok to have different opinions about the situation. These were your friend and his cousin before they were together. Your opinions about somebody else’s relationship shouldn’t be so important that it causes you two problems. Make sure you both agree to prioritize your relationship and if their situation starts impacting you two, make it a topic that is off limits for discussion as a way to protect your relationship.
Also having issues with slow loading on mobile safari.
Finally broke down and admitted that I don’t fit into my old bras anymore and bought some nursing bras from motherhood maternity in the right size. Of course might not fit when baby comes but at least more comfortable now.
ETA: and I got the free bag which was mostly coupons and small samples.
Wasn't sure the most appropriate place to post this but I'm headed to L&D. Been having contractions every 10-12 minutes for an hour. Ive been having daily contractions since 16 weeks but doc wasn't concerned because they weren't consistent. Would def consider this consistent. Will update soon.
Ladybug - April 2013 Dandelion - October 2018 Angel "Aurora" - July 2020 Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021 Angel "Maxine" - January 2022 Angel "Violet" - March 2022 Baby Dove due March 2023
The app is working better for me now too, I sent a complaint I was so pissed this morning and last night trying to get in.. @cdepperschmidt be there for her to talk about whatever she needs to but don't say an it thing badly about him, especially now that he's your cousin too. When DH and I's friends have relationship problems we listen and give little feedback then DH and I come together at the end of the day and compare sides to the situation but that's conversation doesn't leave us.
@mytrueloves fingers crossed everything is okay and that little one stays in there a lot longer!!!
All's good. Cervix is completely closed, baby's heart rate was good, and the test they did that tests for protein that will be present during labor came back negative. Still having contractions but they said they're not labor contractions . Going home on bed rest for a week.
Ladybug - April 2013 Dandelion - October 2018 Angel "Aurora" - July 2020 Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021 Angel "Maxine" - January 2022 Angel "Violet" - March 2022 Baby Dove due March 2023
@mytrueloves so glad all is good! So then just some intense braxton hicks then? Or is there another, non labor type of contractions I'm in the dark about? (Serious question. I feel like this is something I should know lol) Those suck horribly! I didn't have them (well that I noticed. My mom said I had so much fluid I wouldn't have noticed them lol) with DS, but have already had them twice with this tiny. Glad you're both safe!!!
@mytrueloves Glad your baby is still staying on the inside! Hope you can take it super easy for the next week. So I’m about to go get a brazilian. I used to wax myself but have never been to a professional for it. Probably not the smartest time to start but I’m sick of the forest and the last time I shaved I cut myself so no more razors allowed down there!
@cdepperschmidt I am sorry to hear the couple is going through a rough patch, but they are lucky to have you as a friend! I agree with the comments about not giving opinions or getting in the middle, but I also would hold off on giving any advice. It just puts you at risk for the ‘cd said...’ in the middle of one of their conversations, and maybe the other person in the relationship will feel off put or too sensitive to what was shared with you. Even if they know, it just makes the fact that their open wound was exposed to you more real and can make things weird.
Just be an ear, empathetic, and acknowledge that you appreciate them being open and vulnerable with you guys because that is hard for them to do. Oh and ask what they need from you guys right now!
You can have contractions but not be in active labor. You can have contractions that are different than BH as well. @jomama1618
Ladybug - April 2013 Dandelion - October 2018 Angel "Aurora" - July 2020 Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021 Angel "Maxine" - January 2022 Angel "Violet" - March 2022 Baby Dove due March 2023
@mytrueloves glad everything is okay. With this heat, being on bed rest doesn't sound half bad.
@cdepperschmidt I agree with what others have said. Listen, but be willing to set boundaries. Tell her you are happy to be an ear, but given the relationship you don't want to get in the middle. Also try not to get defensive when you and DH talk about it. It'll be hard because you will both feel loyalty to your friend/his cousin.
Thank you ladies all for your help! I went over and talked to her. Everything seems very complicated at this point and the things he told my husband don’t match what she told me he told her. I’m too tired to get into it tonight, but l will probably be back for advice later.
Glad everything is ok @mytrueloves. I don’t know if this will apply for you, but my last pregnancy the dr at the hospital wanted to deliver my twins at 36 weeks because I kept having contractions. They said they were 5 mins apart or less and it had been going on for hours. After speaking with my dr and realizing I wasn’t progressing, they finally gave me food and water and between that and the relief that they weren’t going to deliver, the contractions stopped. My dr said it was a combination of stress, hunger and at first probably some dehydration (they hadn’t given me anything to drink for 6 hours before they gave me IV fluids).
@mytrueloves so glad its nothing too serious and they sent you home!
AFM- its going to be 101 today and we are going to go to my ILs and hang at their pool. I am so excited to veg! Also, today is my 14 year anniversary with my H! Not married anniversary, but we have been together 14 years! We dont celebrate it the way we do with our wedding anniversary, we do acknowledge it since its been so long (14 years together, 5 married- we got together crazy young). In 2 years we will have been together for half our lives, which seems INSANE to me, lol.
@mytrueloves So glad to hear everything is ok with you and baby!
@cdepperschmidt Sorry to hear your friends are going through that. Like the others have said, just be a listening ear when you can. I hope everything works out!
Ya’ll thanks for your support and advice! After to talk to my H and my BFF. I really don’t think this is a marriage issue, it’s mental health. DH cousin has issues stemming back to childhood with anxiety, attachment, trust and substance abuse. I think he’s spiraling and pushing his wife away. I talked to DH about it and he agrees. We are staying out of the relationship part, but he clearly needs help.
Re: Randoms 6/22
TTC since 2016
Due: October 12, 2018
Location: Ontario, Canada
Ya’ll I need some advice and I’m coming here because you’re internet strangers who don’t know the people involved. My best friend since I was 7 is married to my husbands cousin who is basically a brother to him. They’ve been married for almost 2 years and dated 6-7 years before that. They met in college via my H and I. We didn’t set them
up, for the record.
Anyways, my husband mentioned last night that they had been going through a rough patch and were taking a break, but it wasn’t really his (helis cousins) fault and don’t say anything to her about it. I had no idea, she had mentioned he was grumpy. So today she texts me and wants me to come over later. Of course I’m going over and I want to be as supportive as possible, but I’m all kinds of worried. I’ve never really had friends with “marriage” issues and I want to be there for her. I’m concerned it’s going to be complicated. I’m also worried that their issues could make things tense between H and I.
One of the “rules” of marriage that I was told is to never speak ill of your spouse to anybody, like no complaining to your friends about everything they did wrong, even if you’re having marriage trouble. The friends may hold it against him even if you two work it out and you forgive him. If she breaks that rule, try to be supportive without saying anything bad about him, because if they work things out, she could hold the things you said about her H against you too. Plus it’s your H’s cousin, so if you said anything about him and it got back to him, things could get pretty awkward at family parties.
For you & H, remember it’s ok to have different opinions about the situation. These were your friend and his cousin before they were together. Your opinions about somebody else’s relationship shouldn’t be so important that it causes you two problems. Make sure you both agree to prioritize your relationship and if their situation starts impacting you two, make it a topic that is off limits for discussion as a way to protect your relationship.
Finally broke down and admitted that I don’t fit into my old bras anymore and bought some nursing bras from motherhood maternity in the right size. Of course might not fit when baby comes but at least more comfortable now.
ETA: and I got the free bag which was mostly coupons and small samples.
Ive been having daily contractions since 16 weeks but doc wasn't concerned because they weren't consistent. Would def consider this consistent. Will update soon.
Dandelion - October 2018
Angel "Aurora" - July 2020
Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021
Angel "Maxine" - January 2022
Angel "Violet" - March 2022
Baby Dove due March 2023
@cdepperschmidt be there for her to talk about whatever she needs to but don't say an it thing badly about him, especially now that he's your cousin too. When DH and I's friends have relationship problems we listen and give little feedback then DH and I come together at the end of the day and compare sides to the situation but that's conversation doesn't leave us.
@mytrueloves fingers crossed everything is okay and that little one stays in there a lot longer!!!
As for your problem, I agree with PP- be a listening ear, and give any helpful marriage advice but no negative opinions on anyone/thing
@mytrueloves oh wow, FX you and baby are ok
Dandelion - October 2018
Angel "Aurora" - July 2020
Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021
Angel "Maxine" - January 2022
Angel "Violet" - March 2022
Baby Dove due March 2023
So I’m about to go get a brazilian. I used to wax myself but have never been to a professional for it. Probably not the smartest time to start but I’m sick of the forest and the last time I shaved I cut myself so no more razors allowed down there!
@cdepperschmidt I am sorry to hear the couple is going through a rough patch, but they are lucky to have you as a friend! I agree with the comments about not giving opinions or getting in the middle, but I also would hold off on giving any advice. It just puts you at risk for the ‘cd said...’ in the middle of one of their conversations, and maybe the other person in the relationship will feel off put or too sensitive to what was shared with you. Even if they know, it just makes the fact that their open wound was exposed to you more real and can make things weird.
Just be an ear, empathetic, and acknowledge that you appreciate them being open and vulnerable with you guys because that is hard for them to do. Oh and ask what they need from you guys right now!
Dandelion - October 2018
Angel "Aurora" - July 2020
Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021
Angel "Maxine" - January 2022
Angel "Violet" - March 2022
Baby Dove due March 2023
@cdepperschmidt I agree with what others have said. Listen, but be willing to set boundaries. Tell her you are happy to be an ear, but given the relationship you don't want to get in the middle. Also try not to get defensive when you and DH talk about it. It'll be hard because you will both feel loyalty to your friend/his cousin.
TTC since 2016
Due: October 12, 2018
Location: Ontario, Canada
@cdepperschmidt - Nothing to add to what the others have said, but I am sorry you and your DH are in such a rough position.
AFM- its going to be 101 today and we are going to go to my ILs and hang at their pool. I am so excited to veg! Also, today is my 14 year anniversary with my H! Not married anniversary, but we have been together 14 years! We dont celebrate it the way we do with our wedding anniversary, we do acknowledge it since its been so long (14 years together, 5 married- we got together crazy young). In 2 years we will have been together for half our lives, which seems INSANE to me, lol.
Congrats @kiwi2628
today!!!!
@mytrueloves So glad to hear everything is ok with you and baby!
@cdepperschmidt Sorry to hear your friends are going through that. Like the others have said, just be a listening ear when you can. I hope everything works out!