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1:12PM
Re: Babyshower Thread
@mytrueloves my coworker's husband had a "baby shower." His friends decided to throw it for him. They got a kegs and played games and asked everyone to bring a box of diapers. It was very informal but she said all the guys had a great time.
So I have a weird question. This is our second baby so I really don't want another shower. I just think it's unnecessary. I've now had several people talking about my baby shower for this one and when I say I'm not having one because it's #2, they tell me that I will still have a shower. I'm really counting on nobody actually offering to throw one, but how do I decline if someone does offer? Should I counter offer with a smaller, gift-free party? I'm not against celebrating this baby, I just really don't want to make people feel obligated to buy us stuff.
@mamabearcj, I'm honestly impartial with 1 or 2, or frankly 0 showers. I sort of agree that it's tacky to intervene because to me it feels like asking for people to throw me showers. I made sure before and would again that people were only invited to one shower (other than my mom & sister and MIL & SIL) specifically because I didn't want people to feel any sort of obligation.
@acciocoffee, what you mentioned is sort of what I'm concerned about at the end of the day. H's family has never been anything but kind to my family (the reverse is also true) but they're by no means close and they have very different styles. My sister's shower for our wedding was more relaxed and intimate and my MIL's was much more formal. I'm just not envisioning how their styles would mesh. Clearly I'm overthinking this and just need to ignore BFF.
@acciocoffee I did something similar with my bachelorette party. I really didn't want a "party" and gifts. I just wanted to hang out with friends, so I specifically told them not to buy me things. A couple people ignored me, of course, but I thought it worked for the most part and allowed us all to just sort of hang out and celebrate. If someone offers to host, I would probably do exactly what you said and request that they not do anything more than a small, gift-free gathering.
This time there will be nothing. People can come over if they want to meet babies.
Culturally in my area (and family) it is customary to have showers for every child and some family members even host them at restaurants where you pay a portion yourself to attend. I realize it's tacky in some places but it's super common in ours. I'm not a fan of charging people, so we never have (not for my bridal shower or DD's shower) just thought I'd throw it out there before I shared on this particular thread because there may be other Mommas like me.
All that aside, my sister, MIL, and Mom are throwing this baby shower/sprinkle. I've pretty much demanded it be small but my MIL doesn't know how to handle herself sometimes so we'll see who ultimately gets invited and shows up. That being said I am definitely excited, we're probably going with a Cuban/Havana nights theme because that's all I crave these days but we'll see. It'll definitely be in August , last year Irma forced a lot of my friends to cancel showers and parties and I don't want to have to go through that. So we're doing it early.
Married: 12/16/12
TTC #1: 06/15 BFP #1:07/13/15
D&C: 08/28/15
BFP #2: 09/26/15
M: 06/03/16
BFP #2: 02/12/18
L : 7/26/18 (SIUGR, micropreemie)
(After my wedding shower, I totally flew home with a KitchenAid mixer and other various small appliances and random shower gifts in some suitcases. Luckily we'd flown Southwest so we each got two checked bags. Oh, and I had my wedding dress with me as well. It was a show.)
ETA: DH's motorcycle club will most likely host a diaper party for him (they've already been asking). Since we are doing cloth diapers, I'm not really sure how that will work or if we will tell them no gifts - or maybe just wipes. I have a feeling it might end up like his bachelor party though... let's just say the stripper pole at the clubhouse was installed specifically for his bachelor party. (and the stripper they commissioned has the same first name as me..)
Dandelion - October 2018
Angel "Aurora" - July 2020
Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021
Angel "Maxine" - January 2022
Angel "Violet" - March 2022
Baby Dove due March 2023
Married 07/2012
DD born 07/2014
DD2 born 10/2018
DS born 10/2022
IF history:
TTC #2 since January 2016
June-Aug 2017: 3 IUIs w/Clomid = BFN
Sept 2017: Dx w/Endometriosis
Oct 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN
Nov 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN
Dec 2017: pre-IVF testing
Jan-Feb 2018: IVF--17 eggs retrieved, 13 fertilized, 9 frozen and 1 transferred on 2/10 = BFP on 2/19!!! EDD 10/29/2018
FET Oct 2021: BFP on 10/31! MC at 5 weeks
FET Feb 2022: BFP on 2/15! EDD 10/29/22
This time I don’t think I’ll have any. Even though our boys are 5, I kept everything with plans to have more kids, so we don’t really need anything except diapers (& we’re actually selling some stuff - so @sliztee, if you want to see what we have, lmk - I’m in Rochester once a week during the summer). If it’s a girl, I suspect one older friend will want to “shower” us with clothes, but I doubt we’ll have an actual party for that.
I'd like to do a no-gift baby-q for ourselves this time just to celebrate baby. Is it truly that terrible? Most people I know have baby showers for seconds but I really don't feel I need anything and I hate that spotlight. I feel like there's so many differences now that I should get to do whatever I want. If it makes people feel better I'll put my mom's name as host and just do it myself anyway.
IMO, that’s also the difference between throwing yourself a shower and throwing your kid a birthday party. The birthday party is for the kid, the shower is for the parents of the baby (or the couple if it’s a wedding). If guests to your kid’s birthday party want to get things you need for the kid, that’s their choice - they could also choose to get your kid a ton of toys that (s)he doesn’t really need and are of absolutely zero help to you.
@sammierose464 MH’s family is Jewish. MIL converted and since I’m not Jewish and she was no longer Jewish, she decided a shower was fine and invited her family. We were surprised they came, but they figured since I am not Jewish then it was ok to follow my customs instead of their own.
@momoflogan20 I have actually heard of them. I thought it was more for close friends of grandma to celebrate the first grandchild. Close friends usually know one of the parents, but maybe not well enough that they’d get invited to the actual baby shower, but they still want to show love and support for grandma by buying things for the baby. I have not heard of grandma’s coworkers throwing one though.
Instead, I’m planning to come home over Christmas, so she is planning to do a Sip and See then. I’d rather do it that way anyway, since I only see those friends/family once or twice a year, this will give them a chance to meet Blast.
I know my SIL's threw me a wedding shower and it was totally nothing like I liked but they did allow dh to come so that helped me! I hate games when I attend showers. If they want to do games and people dont have to participate, fine. I am really happy if it is a party for me and I don't have to participate in games! I get embarrassed easily and hate the attention on me.
My parents are divorced and my mom is planning my shower. She asked my Step mom in April which dates she was free from May-Sept. to have the shower. SHE GAVE HER THREE DATES! SM would rather do random beach days with friends and 2 hour road trips than give up a weekend to throw a shower. So my mom picked a day that was a day that SM was coming back from vacation (locally so she would just need to be home a few hours earlier than scheduled). It's hard picking dates between by best friend, me, and my cousin who is like a sister! SM was NOT happy about that. My mom also told her she could just bring chips (which I got the phone call about from my Dad). Mom was just trying to make it easy for her since they would be away the days prior, but COME ON cut me a break! Now I have to hear SM and Dad complain too! I told my mom to just let her pay for the venue to shut her up lol.
Dandelion - October 2018
Angel "Aurora" - July 2020
Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021
Angel "Maxine" - January 2022
Angel "Violet" - March 2022
Baby Dove due March 2023