This is baby #3 so I'm not having a shower. I had an amazing shower with DS1 with family and friends. My bff wanted to throw me a sprinkle with DS2 but I declined. My bff had a diaper drawing at my shower. Everyone who bought a box of diapers name was entered into the drawing for a Starbucks gift certificate. It was nice because I didn't have to buy diapers for the first 6 weeks. I've been to several showers with the children's book theme. I love it because the baby will already have their own mini library!
@mytrueloves my coworker's husband had a "baby shower." His friends decided to throw it for him. They got a kegs and played games and asked everyone to bring a box of diapers. It was very informal but she said all the guys had a great time.
@zwink1 I would do the two showers. My sister threw my wedding shower and tried to be nice and invited my MIL to help. Well MIL completely took over and it was bad. My sister knows my style really well and MIL does not, so I was just uncomfortable the entire time and I think my sister was frustrated. So for our baby shower I had my sister throw a "Baby-Q" for us and then my MIL hosted a family shower for her family. Although my immediate in-laws still came to our Baby-Q of course because we wanted them there.
So I have a weird question. This is our second baby so I really don't want another shower. I just think it's unnecessary. I've now had several people talking about my baby shower for this one and when I say I'm not having one because it's #2, they tell me that I will still have a shower. I'm really counting on nobody actually offering to throw one, but how do I decline if someone does offer? Should I counter offer with a smaller, gift-free party? I'm not against celebrating this baby, I just really don't want to make people feel obligated to buy us stuff.
@DunkinDecaf, yeah it didn't even occur to me to think of it as weird for the wedding showers, so it didn't strike me as an issue until my friend brought it up. I just didn't know if there was some sort of etiquette faux pas I was missing or something, lol. Thanks!
@mamabearcj, I'm honestly impartial with 1 or 2, or frankly 0 showers. I sort of agree that it's tacky to intervene because to me it feels like asking for people to throw me showers. I made sure before and would again that people were only invited to one shower (other than my mom & sister and MIL & SIL) specifically because I didn't want people to feel any sort of obligation.
@acciocoffee, what you mentioned is sort of what I'm concerned about at the end of the day. H's family has never been anything but kind to my family (the reverse is also true) but they're by no means close and they have very different styles. My sister's shower for our wedding was more relaxed and intimate and my MIL's was much more formal. I'm just not envisioning how their styles would mesh. Clearly I'm overthinking this and just need to ignore BFF.
@acciocoffee I did something similar with my bachelorette party. I really didn't want a "party" and gifts. I just wanted to hang out with friends, so I specifically told them not to buy me things. A couple people ignored me, of course, but I thought it worked for the most part and allowed us all to just sort of hang out and celebrate. If someone offers to host, I would probably do exactly what you said and request that they not do anything more than a small, gift-free gathering.
@zwink1 I actually think my MIL was happier that she got to do her own shower for us and go crazy. I'm sure she would have been disappointed if the Baby-Q was the only shower we had. It was super casual and she likes over-the-top showers. It sounds like your MIL might be similar so definitely ignore the BFF and have the two showers. It keeps everybody happy and also keeps your guest count down.
I had two showers with DS. Divorced parents, you have two of everything. Haha. My grandma threw a very traditional women only shower for my dad’s family. My mom and MIL joined forces for a big co-ed bbq shower. I think as long as you don’t invite the same people to two showers, it’s fine.
DH and I both have big extended families. With DS1 we had two showers, my mom's BFF threw one, and DH’s step mom threw the other (MIL is out of province, and bi-polar so planning things is not in her wheelhouse). My mom’s friend hosted a sip-and-see with my older twins, which I wasn’t really wanting , but she insisted. This time there will be nothing. People can come over if they want to meet babies.
In the minority here and I'm sure I'll get flames for this BUT:
Culturally in my area (and family) it is customary to have showers for every child and some family members even host them at restaurants where you pay a portion yourself to attend. I realize it's tacky in some places but it's super common in ours. I'm not a fan of charging people, so we never have (not for my bridal shower or DD's shower) just thought I'd throw it out there before I shared on this particular thread because there may be other Mommas like me.
All that aside, my sister, MIL, and Mom are throwing this baby shower/sprinkle. I've pretty much demanded it be small but my MIL doesn't know how to handle herself sometimes so we'll see who ultimately gets invited and shows up. That being said I am definitely excited, we're probably going with a Cuban/Havana nights theme because that's all I crave these days but we'll see. It'll definitely be in August , last year Irma forced a lot of my friends to cancel showers and parties and I don't want to have to go through that. So we're doing it early.
@princessandthegator That's very interesting, thank you for sharing that with us. I remember the baby shower thread in my last BMB was a hot bed for drama because everyone disagreed on etiquette and there were some people who insisted that only *these things* were allowed and everything else was offensive. Because ETIQUETTE! And I remember pointing out that etiquette varies based on areas, cultures, people, etc and I got flamed SO BAD for that. But etiquette is not set in stone, it's constantly changing with the times, and as people are more exposed to other cultures. It's really interesting to hear something totally different that I would've never considered "proper etiquette" but is so normal to others.
This etiquette thing is why I dont even know if I want a shower. Probably won’t have one unless my mom (she mentioned it) and little sis get one together when I’m back in OH for a week or so when my middle sis has her baby the end of May-ish. But then I’d have to find a way to haul everything back and it would probably be a huge party. Lots of family and old friends live in that area.
My best friend wants to throw me one back in my home state, even though she doesn't even live there anymore either, but my family doesn't plan anything like that. I'd originally planned on flying and just maybe saying on the invite that if it was anything very big, then to please have it shipped directly to me. I didn't know if that was rude. But then I feel like people won't adhere. Or I'll still end up with a million small things and still overrun my suitcase. And I don't want to have to ship all that or wait for family to bring it after the kid is here. So now I'm thinking it'd be best to drive, but it's a 10-hr drive and I'm legit not looking forward to that.
(After my wedding shower, I totally flew home with a KitchenAid mixer and other various small appliances and random shower gifts in some suitcases. Luckily we'd flown Southwest so we each got two checked bags. Oh, and I had my wedding dress with me as well. It was a show.)
What might be interesting for me is that it will be the first time that my mom's family (and DH's) will meet the women on my bio-dad's side. My mom extended the offer for them to join, and they happily accepted. However, I it might be interesting.
ETA: DH's motorcycle club will most likely host a diaper party for him (they've already been asking). Since we are doing cloth diapers, I'm not really sure how that will work or if we will tell them no gifts - or maybe just wipes. I have a feeling it might end up like his bachelor party though... let's just say the stripper pole at the clubhouse was installed specifically for his bachelor party. (and the stripper they commissioned has the same first name as me..)
@hannah8516 I don’t think it would be weird for her to include your home address and a little note about how it might be nice if people shipped things on the invite. Especially if you weren’t going to open them at the shower anyway it doesn’t really make a difference. I’m sure everyone would understand about you traveling.
I've seen that request on invites a few times (to send bigger gifts to the house, or to give gift cards). The shower I went to last week, they had a tri-fold board with pictures on it of the gifts that had been sent to her house if people cared to know/see.
When figuring out how to handle sending gifts to my brother and sister-in-law for their shower, which was out of state, we always asked the hostess where she wanted the gifts to be shipped to and how she wanted them handled (ie: already wrapped, or if it was okay to just order it online and shipped directly there). Maybe tell your host your concerns and leave it up to them to figure out how to address it?
Ladybug - April 2013 Dandelion - October 2018 Angel "Aurora" - July 2020 Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021 Angel "Maxine" - January 2022 Angel "Violet" - March 2022 Baby Dove due March 2023
@hannaht8516 That is what we are going to do for my sister. She will be coming from NC to Michigan for our joint shower so my grandma is putting on the invitation that she would like gifts either shipped to her house or gift cards. She is planning to bring 1 empty suitcase to take what she can back with her. Whatever she can’t fit, my mom or I will return for her and send her the gift card so she can repurchase the items when she gets home. That’s always an option as well!
My mom and two best friends hosted a coed shower for DH and I when I was pregnant with DD. This time around we won’t be doing anything, although my coworkers want to throw me a small shower at work.
TTC History
Me: 35 DH: 34 Married 07/2012 DD born 07/2014 DD2 born 10/2018 DS born 10/2022
IF history: TTC #2 since January 2016 June-Aug 2017: 3 IUIs w/Clomid = BFN Sept 2017: Dx w/Endometriosis Oct 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN Nov 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN Dec 2017: pre-IVF testing Jan-Feb 2018: IVF--17 eggs retrieved, 13 fertilized, 9 frozen and 1 transferred on 2/10 = BFP on 2/19!!! EDD 10/29/2018 FET Oct 2021: BFP on 10/31! MC at 5 weeks FET Feb 2022: BFP on 2/15! EDD 10/29/22
@purplegoldfish2, not that I know of, but maybe you're right and that subconsciously has something to do with her concerns. She lives halfway across the country, so she's only coming here once. Her point primarily seemed to be that she thought my MIL would find it offensive to have a 2nd shower (she has only met my MIL a handful of times).
I had 3 showers last time. 1 was my family, 1 was MH’s family and my friends & the 3rd was coworkers. I was not expecting the coworker shower, but they really wanted to do one. I was the first woman in the office to have a baby in years, so they were excited.
This time I don’t think I’ll have any. Even though our boys are 5, I kept everything with plans to have more kids, so we don’t really need anything except diapers (& we’re actually selling some stuff - so @sliztee, if you want to see what we have, lmk - I’m in Rochester once a week during the summer). If it’s a girl, I suspect one older friend will want to “shower” us with clothes, but I doubt we’ll have an actual party for that.
My husband and I are from 2 different cultures/countries. In his culture, there's no such thing as a baby shower. In fact the only party you have is hosted by the parents in honor of their child 7 days after the child is born. You invite people with no expectations of gifts and you donate the approximate weight of your baby's hair in gold to charity as a thanks for the blessing of the birth. In the family I grew up in you had a baby shower for your first baby and perhaps a later baby if there was a large age gap. I had 2 showers since my first two children were born 10 years apart. My now adult daughter wants to throw a shower for this baby, and I feel weird about it because that's just not how I was raised. We could use some stuff because we didn't expect to have another one and have given everything away, but I'm thinking of just doing a registry and directing anyone there if they ask. We will have the party celebrating our child after the birth though regardless.
@acciocoffee Is it terrible that I want a nono-gift baby-q? And I'm a horrible etiquette person anyway. 'My mom/Aunt/and cousin' threw my shower for DS. But really I made the majority of decisions, bought 3/4 of the stuff and cooked the food with my mom. So really I was a host as well. But meh... I just feel like it's not their job? I chose to have the baby, I can pay for it - I also didn't want gifts, but people got upset with me mentioning it so I dropped it. I'd like to do a no-gift baby-q for ourselves this time just to celebrate baby. Is it truly that terrible? Most people I know have baby showers for seconds but I really don't feel I need anything and I hate that spotlight. I feel like there's so many differences now that I should get to do whatever I want. If it makes people feel better I'll put my mom's name as host and just do it myself anyway.
My coworker is Jewish, and its been very interesting to compare cultures and norms. They don't do much before the baby is born. They have a small gathering after the baby is born (like a sip and see) and gifts are brought then. She is 28 weeks and said she hasn't bought anything yet, she just doesn't feel comfortable. In her words, a lot of it is done out of superstition and a little paranoia. It's been cool to learn about.
I'm not having a baby shower this go round. At least with my boyfriends family. It was traumatic and full of aniexty for me. Im not close to his family so they just stared me when I went to open gifts and I sat in the back for all the games. My moms shower I was more comfortable and had a decent time other than the cake thing that was mentioned before. I like attending the shower but I dont like things being about me. I will be buying some items and using all my son clothes because they are so close in age. Also a weird thing that happened is my mom got a grandma shower at work with DS... Has anybody ever heard of that? I thought it was unusual but I got stuff so I didn't care.
@Mylitta You can host a no gift baby-q yourself, just make sure you put “no gifts please” on the invitations. It’s hosting a shower or diaper party for yourself that looks gift grabby because those parties are specifically about giving gifts to the parents of the baby.
IMO, that’s also the difference between throwing yourself a shower and throwing your kid a birthday party. The birthday party is for the kid, the shower is for the parents of the baby (or the couple if it’s a wedding). If guests to your kid’s birthday party want to get things you need for the kid, that’s their choice - they could also choose to get your kid a ton of toys that (s)he doesn’t really need and are of absolutely zero help to you.
@sammierose464 MH’s family is Jewish. MIL converted and since I’m not Jewish and she was no longer Jewish, she decided a shower was fine and invited her family. We were surprised they came, but they figured since I am not Jewish then it was ok to follow my customs instead of their own.
@momoflogan20 I have actually heard of them. I thought it was more for close friends of grandma to celebrate the first grandchild. Close friends usually know one of the parents, but maybe not well enough that they’d get invited to the actual baby shower, but they still want to show love and support for grandma by buying things for the baby. I have not heard of grandma’s coworkers throwing one though.
Regarding the multi-state thing - my Mom wanted to throw me a shower, and I told her not before baby gets here- the timing was just too hard to work out. We thought my trip in July was too early for it, and I’m hesitant to travel that far over Labor Day weekend; it’s a six hour drive and I’ll be 36wks at that point.
Instead, I’m planning to come home over Christmas, so she is planning to do a Sip and See then. I’d rather do it that way anyway, since I only see those friends/family once or twice a year, this will give them a chance to meet Blast.
@momoflogan20 my cousins MIL had a grandma shower at her job. Her co-workers surprised her with one. I had never heard of it either but I thought it was sweet they wanted to celebrate her becoming a first time grandma.
No one has mentioned a shower yet for us and I am quite surprised, but not expecting it. Wonder if they are doing a surprise. Omg I hate surprises! Lol
I know my SIL's threw me a wedding shower and it was totally nothing like I liked but they did allow dh to come so that helped me! I hate games when I attend showers. If they want to do games and people dont have to participate, fine. I am really happy if it is a party for me and I don't have to participate in games! I get embarrassed easily and hate the attention on me.
I'm not throwing my own shower but I requested my shower to be pineapple themed, the sign of welcome! I figured it would be good gender neutral colors that my mom could use prior to us finding out the gender. Now that we know it's a boy she's using more green tones too.
My parents are divorced and my mom is planning my shower. She asked my Step mom in April which dates she was free from May-Sept. to have the shower. SHE GAVE HER THREE DATES! SM would rather do random beach days with friends and 2 hour road trips than give up a weekend to throw a shower. So my mom picked a day that was a day that SM was coming back from vacation (locally so she would just need to be home a few hours earlier than scheduled). It's hard picking dates between by best friend, me, and my cousin who is like a sister! SM was NOT happy about that. My mom also told her she could just bring chips (which I got the phone call about from my Dad). Mom was just trying to make it easy for her since they would be away the days prior, but COME ON cut me a break! Now I have to hear SM and Dad complain too! I told my mom to just let her pay for the venue to shut her up lol.
@babyptobe that sounds similar to my wedding shower, execpt my mom trying to find a date among my sister's (who's 10) skating schedule and my MoHs crazy busy schedule.
We had a great baby shower with our first and did gender neutral items on our registry, so we are pretty much set for this one. I’m glad I don’t have to do it again though because it was awkward being the center of attention.
@missmaehurt I think that would be my number 1 tip to FTMs. Register for and get neutral baby items so you can reuse them with each kid.
Ladybug - April 2013 Dandelion - October 2018 Angel "Aurora" - July 2020 Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021 Angel "Maxine" - January 2022 Angel "Violet" - March 2022 Baby Dove due March 2023
I find I'd rather register for the blue/black/green items anyway. We don't plan on having a 2nd, but even if we do I have no issuing having a girl in those.
@mytrueloves It was great, we also didn’t tell anyone what we were having so we actually got what we registered for instead of a ton of gender specific clothes.
Surprisingly with DS we got very little clothing at our shower. Pretty much everything came from our registry. And the clothes we did get were bigger sizes. I actually had to go buy more newborn clothes after he was born because we didn’t have enough.
Re: Babyshower Thread
@mytrueloves my coworker's husband had a "baby shower." His friends decided to throw it for him. They got a kegs and played games and asked everyone to bring a box of diapers. It was very informal but she said all the guys had a great time.
So I have a weird question. This is our second baby so I really don't want another shower. I just think it's unnecessary. I've now had several people talking about my baby shower for this one and when I say I'm not having one because it's #2, they tell me that I will still have a shower. I'm really counting on nobody actually offering to throw one, but how do I decline if someone does offer? Should I counter offer with a smaller, gift-free party? I'm not against celebrating this baby, I just really don't want to make people feel obligated to buy us stuff.
@mamabearcj, I'm honestly impartial with 1 or 2, or frankly 0 showers. I sort of agree that it's tacky to intervene because to me it feels like asking for people to throw me showers. I made sure before and would again that people were only invited to one shower (other than my mom & sister and MIL & SIL) specifically because I didn't want people to feel any sort of obligation.
@acciocoffee, what you mentioned is sort of what I'm concerned about at the end of the day. H's family has never been anything but kind to my family (the reverse is also true) but they're by no means close and they have very different styles. My sister's shower for our wedding was more relaxed and intimate and my MIL's was much more formal. I'm just not envisioning how their styles would mesh. Clearly I'm overthinking this and just need to ignore BFF.
@acciocoffee I did something similar with my bachelorette party. I really didn't want a "party" and gifts. I just wanted to hang out with friends, so I specifically told them not to buy me things. A couple people ignored me, of course, but I thought it worked for the most part and allowed us all to just sort of hang out and celebrate. If someone offers to host, I would probably do exactly what you said and request that they not do anything more than a small, gift-free gathering.
This time there will be nothing. People can come over if they want to meet babies.
Culturally in my area (and family) it is customary to have showers for every child and some family members even host them at restaurants where you pay a portion yourself to attend. I realize it's tacky in some places but it's super common in ours. I'm not a fan of charging people, so we never have (not for my bridal shower or DD's shower) just thought I'd throw it out there before I shared on this particular thread because there may be other Mommas like me.
All that aside, my sister, MIL, and Mom are throwing this baby shower/sprinkle. I've pretty much demanded it be small but my MIL doesn't know how to handle herself sometimes so we'll see who ultimately gets invited and shows up. That being said I am definitely excited, we're probably going with a Cuban/Havana nights theme because that's all I crave these days but we'll see. It'll definitely be in August , last year Irma forced a lot of my friends to cancel showers and parties and I don't want to have to go through that. So we're doing it early.
Married: 12/16/12
TTC #1: 06/15 BFP #1:07/13/15
D&C: 08/28/15
BFP #2: 09/26/15
M: 06/03/16
BFP #2: 02/12/18
L : 7/26/18 (SIUGR, micropreemie)
(After my wedding shower, I totally flew home with a KitchenAid mixer and other various small appliances and random shower gifts in some suitcases. Luckily we'd flown Southwest so we each got two checked bags. Oh, and I had my wedding dress with me as well. It was a show.)
ETA: DH's motorcycle club will most likely host a diaper party for him (they've already been asking). Since we are doing cloth diapers, I'm not really sure how that will work or if we will tell them no gifts - or maybe just wipes. I have a feeling it might end up like his bachelor party though... let's just say the stripper pole at the clubhouse was installed specifically for his bachelor party. (and the stripper they commissioned has the same first name as me..)
Dandelion - October 2018
Angel "Aurora" - July 2020
Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021
Angel "Maxine" - January 2022
Angel "Violet" - March 2022
Baby Dove due March 2023
Married 07/2012
DD born 07/2014
DD2 born 10/2018
DS born 10/2022
IF history:
TTC #2 since January 2016
June-Aug 2017: 3 IUIs w/Clomid = BFN
Sept 2017: Dx w/Endometriosis
Oct 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN
Nov 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN
Dec 2017: pre-IVF testing
Jan-Feb 2018: IVF--17 eggs retrieved, 13 fertilized, 9 frozen and 1 transferred on 2/10 = BFP on 2/19!!! EDD 10/29/2018
FET Oct 2021: BFP on 10/31! MC at 5 weeks
FET Feb 2022: BFP on 2/15! EDD 10/29/22
This time I don’t think I’ll have any. Even though our boys are 5, I kept everything with plans to have more kids, so we don’t really need anything except diapers (& we’re actually selling some stuff - so @sliztee, if you want to see what we have, lmk - I’m in Rochester once a week during the summer). If it’s a girl, I suspect one older friend will want to “shower” us with clothes, but I doubt we’ll have an actual party for that.
I'd like to do a no-gift baby-q for ourselves this time just to celebrate baby. Is it truly that terrible? Most people I know have baby showers for seconds but I really don't feel I need anything and I hate that spotlight. I feel like there's so many differences now that I should get to do whatever I want. If it makes people feel better I'll put my mom's name as host and just do it myself anyway.
IMO, that’s also the difference between throwing yourself a shower and throwing your kid a birthday party. The birthday party is for the kid, the shower is for the parents of the baby (or the couple if it’s a wedding). If guests to your kid’s birthday party want to get things you need for the kid, that’s their choice - they could also choose to get your kid a ton of toys that (s)he doesn’t really need and are of absolutely zero help to you.
@sammierose464 MH’s family is Jewish. MIL converted and since I’m not Jewish and she was no longer Jewish, she decided a shower was fine and invited her family. We were surprised they came, but they figured since I am not Jewish then it was ok to follow my customs instead of their own.
@momoflogan20 I have actually heard of them. I thought it was more for close friends of grandma to celebrate the first grandchild. Close friends usually know one of the parents, but maybe not well enough that they’d get invited to the actual baby shower, but they still want to show love and support for grandma by buying things for the baby. I have not heard of grandma’s coworkers throwing one though.
Instead, I’m planning to come home over Christmas, so she is planning to do a Sip and See then. I’d rather do it that way anyway, since I only see those friends/family once or twice a year, this will give them a chance to meet Blast.
I know my SIL's threw me a wedding shower and it was totally nothing like I liked but they did allow dh to come so that helped me! I hate games when I attend showers. If they want to do games and people dont have to participate, fine. I am really happy if it is a party for me and I don't have to participate in games! I get embarrassed easily and hate the attention on me.
My parents are divorced and my mom is planning my shower. She asked my Step mom in April which dates she was free from May-Sept. to have the shower. SHE GAVE HER THREE DATES! SM would rather do random beach days with friends and 2 hour road trips than give up a weekend to throw a shower. So my mom picked a day that was a day that SM was coming back from vacation (locally so she would just need to be home a few hours earlier than scheduled). It's hard picking dates between by best friend, me, and my cousin who is like a sister! SM was NOT happy about that. My mom also told her she could just bring chips (which I got the phone call about from my Dad). Mom was just trying to make it easy for her since they would be away the days prior, but COME ON cut me a break! Now I have to hear SM and Dad complain too! I told my mom to just let her pay for the venue to shut her up lol.
Dandelion - October 2018
Angel "Aurora" - July 2020
Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021
Angel "Maxine" - January 2022
Angel "Violet" - March 2022
Baby Dove due March 2023