Babyshower Thread

mytrueloves

I've got baby showers on the brain and figured a few others might as well. Now that we're nearing halfway through, anyone start on the planning phase yet? Have you picked a theme? Done any Pinteresting? Anyone got juicy baby shower drama going on? Share below!

kiwi2628

We are having a backyard fiesta! My inlaws have a beautiful property with a massive pool, so we are going to do a BBQ with brisket and pulled pork and a pool party fiesta! Margaritas, mimosas, guac and minimal BS babyshower games- perfect for me! Invites went out last week

mytrueloves

@kiwi2628 That sounds like so much fun! 

sammierose464

Ours will be mid-Aug at the bar I host trivia at (they have a nice banquet hall). It's going to be a Children's Book theme. 

mytrueloves

@sammierose464 I've never heard of that theme before but as a bookworm, I adore it!

Would it be weird if I threw my DF a babyshower? He really wants one, or really just a party celebrating the baby / him becoming a father. I had a baby shower with DD, but this is his first baby. His family's out of state, so we'd have it at his home state, making it just his family and friends. Plus almost my entire family's cut off anyway. So it would 100% be in his honor. 

Idk if it's weird, I just want to do something nice for him and celebrate him becoming a father. He doesn't talk about it a lot but I know he really wants one. 

chyvie

@mytrueloves that is so sweet and thoughtful! You totally should! I have heard of men getting diaper showers (or tool showers for weddings) so why not?!

DunkinDecaf

@mytrueloves honestly, yeah I’d think it was a little weird. Not because an expectant mom is throwing a shower for their fiancé, but because it’s generally considered in poor taste to throw a shower for yourself and all the gifts he would receive would really be “for” your family.

chopchop25

@mytruelove I think it'd be fun!
@kiwi2628 that sounds like a blast!

No drama on our side, just my mild annoyance. My mom just arbitrarily picked a date to fly out and throw me one, and my brother and his fiancée are coming then, too. We live across the country and she decided to do this without seeing if any one of my friends would even be around then. It's sweet of her, but she's just so much in her own bubble of excitement that she didn't really stop to think this one through. So, while I will be gracious and appreciate the gesture, I'm gonna feel super lame with like the 3 people that can probably attend (popular travel time out here.)

mytrueloves

@DunkinDecaf Maybe we won't make it a babyshower then, just a party. We already have everything we need for baby and don't need or want gifts. *shrugs*

DunkinDecaf

@mytrueloves I think that sounds really lovely! Like the onesie decorating and celebrating but just no gifts so it doesn’t seem gift grabby.

krzyriver

@mytrueloves I think that's so sweet!! Our shower was co-ed and my H was there to celebrate and open gifts with me and I love celebrating daddies too! Does your DF have any relatives who could officially "host" the shower? My H already had E, but Z was my first. I had no girlfriends to throw me a shower, but H really wanted me to have one. He was the true mastermind behind it, but my mom and MIL were listed as the hosts of the party for etiquette purposes.

mytrueloves

@DunkinDecaf I just really want to do something in his honor, because he's been so great and I just know he would love it. 
I'm probably gonna do a BBQ because he loves them and doesn't have many opportunities to do them since his family is out of state and this baby hates meat lol

krzyriver

H wants to do a housewarming/diaper party type thing. I've told him no because A: Throwing a party for my second baby and his third is tacky. B: Throwing it for yourself is REALLY tacky. C: I don't want to host people at my new house when I'm freshly moved in and pregnant. He will probably win because he always does when it comes to BBQs.

mytrueloves

@krzyriver I'm not sure, no one's come forward to offer anything and no one's asked him about showers. Maybe they assume my family will be handling it? 
With DD, I ended up doing all the work on my shower because my mom offered to throw it for me, sent out invitations and stuff, and then got sick the week of the party. So I ended up doing all the labor, but she was still considered hostess. 

bel194

@mytrueloves I might be in the minority but I really don't think it would be tacky for you to throw him the party. Yeah you might get gifts for the both of you but the focus is really on celebrating him. We throw birthday parties for our children where they get gifts that my benefit us (like new clothes and other things they need that normally we would buy) but that doesn't make us tacky or gift-grabby. 

sammierose464

@mytrueloves there's such cute food ideas for a book themed shower, but with doing it at a restaurant the food is provided. But I want the cookies to have the "If you give a mouse a cookie" book and a tag on them. I'm also thinking of doing small bags of gummy worms with a tag that says "book worms".

mytrueloves

@sammierose464 both of those ideas are super adorable. That's such a cool theme, I gotta say.
@bel194 Good points!

Laumb11

I doubt I will have one, 2nd kid and family is all out of state. I would never plan my own. @mytrueloves
I would do a joint shower so he can be part of it. I would think it's weird for a male baby shower but that's me. 

pajamstagrams

@mytrueloves not really the same thing, but have you thought about just celebrating father's day and doing something special then, versus a shower? I don't think it would be as "gift grabby" or tacky if that is a concern of yours. Perhaps you could still invite friends/family over (if that's what he wants) and celebrate him being an expectant father?

mytrueloves

@jemmerjams the timing just isn't right for father's day since we'd have to drive out of state for it. He gets some time off in September but not over the summer, unfortunately.

ETA: I considered doing a sip-n-see, but wouldn't be able to do a BBQ in late October and I doubt his family would want to drive all that way for that. 

pajamstagrams

@mytrueloves ah, bummer!

tinattt23

Second kid in less than two years. Both boys. I need basically zero stuff for baby. I’m hoping my mom doesn’t try and throw another. 

jwebbbber45678

I think you should have a party for your guy. If you don't need gifts you can mention that on the invite. A bbq with some great food, booze for non prego folks and a few games would be fun for everyone! I'm also a big fan of the co-ed showers. I don't understand at all why the celebration of a upcoming baby is for women only. My sister in law threw the shower for our first baby for me and my husband and everyone was invited. It was a casual back yard bbq with onesie and cupcake decorating. No shower this time because we did a small baby sex reveal party, no gifts there, just pot luck style party and an exploding pink balloon! I think one party is sufficient, but I love throwing bbqs all summer anyways!

sammierose464

I agree you should throw him a party of some sort. You can always indicate gifts are not needed. I think it's great to honor him becoming a dad.

nasalot188

STM so I wont be having a shower BUT my bestie is expecting her first in August and I do get to help plan hers! I'll be snooping some of your guys ideas

mamabearcj

My mom is throwing me one and she is so excited to! I can't know the date but know it's in August, and I know the theme is bees which I adore! It'll be at our house and she's got over 100 people on the guest list because we know over half won't show anyways. She asked if DH wanted to be involved and he straight up said no thanks so it'll be girls only! Full of games and making ribbon hats and anything else you can think of for a typical shower but I'm totally fine with it, she's so excited it's her first grandbaby so I'm down to let her go nuts

texaninla

@mytrueloves I think it’s so sweet he wants a shower/party! Totally do it if you want! 

Well, as for drama— I’ve got some major drama going on! 

We live in CA and my Mom and sisters are out of state. My DH’s sister and brother both live in CA in our city. Sister in Law just bought a huge new house with beautiful yard. Everyone thought she would offer to throw a shower for us but she didn’t. When DH finally talked to her about it, she was cagey about dates but finally agreed. Then when my husband checked his phone later that night she texted she had “discussed it with her husband”, and that they could not host our shower. It’s so friggin weird! (Except that she called my MIL to tell her a few months ago that she’s jealous that we are having a baby. She’s 49 and won’t now get the chance.) 

Also, have mentioned several times to my Mom (who lives in Texas) about no shower being planned and she hasn’t once offered to do anything!  @chopchop25 although your mom didn’t check with you, at least she’s throwing you one!

So, question for you guys— my closest friends have not offered to throw us a shower. I’m a FTM and they know what a big deal it is for us! Is this strange? Seems like everyone else I know has showers thrown by their closest friends. 

I’d really appreciate advice on this! 

chopchop25

@texaninla oh yes, I am certainly appreciative for her excitement and generosity - just an eye roll and SMH for me because this is SO something my mother would do. Heart in the right place, but just on her own agenda. I do love her so much, though, and am so grateful for all she wants to do for baby! (It's also supposed to be a surprise and I'm not supposed to know any of this...)

I'm so sorry to hear you haven't heard of any shower planning in the works. Is there no possibility that your friends are planning a surprise one and just doing a good job at keeping it from you?
That said, at the end of the day there is no requirement for anyone to host a shower, as upsetting as that can be for anyone hoping for one. I can certainly understand your SIL not wanting to host the shower if she cannot have biological children of her own at this point - I am sure that is something terribly hard for her, especially in watching your and her brother's joy and there's no way I would even broach the topic with her. Not sure her coping style, but I would give her some space IMO. That's just way too much to put on someone struggling with this reality. WAY too much.
At the end of the day, hoping your friends are secretly planning something nice for you!

DunkinDecaf

@texaninla without knowing your friends or family I can’t say whether that’s unusual behavior for them, but (sorry if this is going to sound a bit rude) as I’m sure you know no one owes you a baby shower. Throwing someone a shower is expensive and time consuming, and there are any number of reasons someone wouldn’t want to throw one. It does suck not to get one if you wanted one though. Hopefully someone offers, or if no one does you could have a sip n see after the baby arrives. It’s perfectly acceptable to host those yourself, as they’re not “gift-centered” parties.

SawyerRichardson

@texaninla Maybe they are still trying to work out some details? With my first i didnt think I was going to get a shower for the longest time because nobody mentioned wanting to do anything. It wasn't until I was about 5.5 it 6 months pregnant that my mom told me she was planning something for me.

Have you dropped any hints to your friends about wanting one?

Lisa3379

Same as @tinattt23 - 2nd boy in 2 years. Not necessary, and I’m kinda happy I don’t have to do it again. My baby shower was awesome - co-ed, close friends and family, super chill, etc. I just feel uncomfortable sometimes when I’m the center of attention and people are making a fuss over me. 

texaninla

@chopchop25 The story with SIL is a bit more complicated than I’ve explained here— she has been hostile towards me and DH for a while and downright cruel at times. She is married and has two children through marriage. But yes, we are definitely giving her space at the moment.


@SawyerRichardson Yes I have dropped hints, but maybe you are right? Maybe something is in the works. 

Great to hear all all of your perspectives and thanks for sharing your thoughts. 

spartan4life

My sister is pregnant too so we will be having a joint shower at the end of June. I’m so excited! My mom and Grandma are throwing it and we are also doing a storybook theme. 

My MIL is also throwing us one mid-August for DH’s side and our friends. Idk the theme for that one yet, but we will be doing a bbq diaper and beer party for DH as well on the same day. The ladies shower will be in one location and the diaper and beer party will be at my in-laws house. We have a lot of friends from out of town who will be coming in and thought it would be fun to have their Hs or SOs come too. Maybe you could do something like that @mytrueloves? I think the diaper and beer party is a fun idea to also celebrate the dad because he is part of this too. That wouldn’t seem gift grabby I don’t think. I’ve known people who have thrown their husband this type of party and I didn’t find it rude at all, I think it’s a great idea.

rc-cola

@mytrueloves my friend had her baby shower at a restaurant and her H had his party at the same time at a bar next door. So gifts went to her party but were brought by both sides. He did a bunch of things that they say you can’t do while pregnant like sushi, oysters, lots of booze and I think cigars. My H went and said it was really fun. The only thing is that if you are having a mixed gender baby shower it might not work unless he has friends that wouldn’t feel bad not being invited to yours.  You also have to find two nearby spaces that won’t break the bank.

ETA question: is there a timeline that is considered “right” for throwing a shower? My MIL wants to throw one and I have no idea when it should happen or if that even matters.

mamabearcj

@rc-cola my baby shower is going to be in August (again not sure exact date but I know the month) so that we have plenty of time to go through everything we got and can still buy what we think we'll need before baby gets here. 

drurose

I don't think I want to have a shower, but honestly I need a lot of baby stuff and our funds are low from buying a house right before baby. My boyfriend didn't save anything from his daughter. My mom wants to throw one, I just feel uncomfortable at parties for me.

I plan on getting married in July or August. Very small wedding, with a party after. I have all the house things I need, so if anyone asks what to get us for the wedding I'll suggest the baby registry instead. That way the party is for us, not me, so I won't feel as weird. To clarify, I wouldn't put anything on invites about registry, it would just be if people ask. 

I'm really not sure. I just also think doing a wedding and a baby shower in the same summer is waaaaay too much. For me and for other people. 

kiwi2628

@rc-cola ours is at the end of August. I ideally would have had mine mid-August but the weekend then didn't work for my MIL. It will give me 5 weeks to my DD and considering how little stuff actual newborn babies need, I figure we can Prime what we don't get and it will be here before baby is born

zwink1

My sister is thrilled and has basically had my shower pinterest planned since we told her a (a few years ago at this point) that we were trying. I told her I loved the children's book theme. That's about all that I know, lol. 

Its not drama per say, but does anyone think this is weird? For my wedding, my sister threw me one shower and my MIL threw me another. It looks like something similar is going to happen with the baby shower. Everyone gets along fine and my family went to my MIL's shower and visa versa for my wedding. What it really boils down to, is H's family is massive and my family is not (like, literally just my mom and sister). My sister gets super excited and loves to plan these things, but she also has limited resources, so I kept things on a small scale (had her invite close friends and my immediate in-laws and that was it), had it at my house, etc.  If we were to combine into one shower, I feel like my sister's ideas would get washed out and she would ultimately be uncomfortable with how much my MIL would contribute from a financial standpoint. My sister and MIL also have very different party styles.

No one said anything about the shower situation at our wedding being awkward at all, and it seemed to work well. My BFF finds the whole situation awkward and thinks that someone is bound to feel left out from one or the other. Idk, I had never really thought about it. It seemed to work fine last time. Now I'm over thinking it since she brought it up, lol.

mamabearcj

@zwink1 does your sister and Husband get along well enough that maybe he could be a middle person between her and his mom? Or maybe a SIL that could help keep all ideas and offers valid on the table? Your sister knows you better than your MIL so hopefully that would be taken into account if you wanted one party instead of two. Hopefully they could make compromises so you'd get a party they both felt you would enjoy. Maybe you could even talk to them both together if It sounds like they both want to plan something. It sounds like you're families were okay with the two parties for the wedding so I'm sure they'll be alright with two showers if it comes down to it though. 
The only issue I would see is if I were invited to two showers for the same person I'd feel obligated to get two gifts and that could be perceived as tacky or gift grabby. I'd buy two gifts but they'd be smaller instead of one nice bigger gift that could've meant more. I'd bring that up if you do talk to them and any other concerns you'd have. 
Long story short if you get two parties great it worked once it should work again(: if you get one bigger one it'll make you more comfortable and what you want. I think it's a win win 

chopchop25

Delete. I'm getting confused by tags this morning. Time for coffee.

mamabearcj

@chopchop25 totally understand that but  I believe it was @texaninla whose SIL isn't able to have children not @zwink1 (:
 I agree that you (not anyone specific, just *you* in general) shouldn't ask someone to host a shower for you that's tacky.. you have to hope someone's wanting to throw you one.
What I was saying is like zwink1 mentioned her sister is planning to have one for her and her MIL might be as well, I don't think it'd be as bad to ask them to possibly try and combine it into one but I see that could also be perceived as tacky since she'd be intervening when she shouldn't.