@jynjer91 - One trick that might be easier for you is to simply avoid using either word. “We are waiting to find out” gets the point across.
This is a similar trick that I use when I don’t know someone’s pronouns. “Could you help the person over there with a book?” Instead of “Could you help him/her/them/xem with a book?”
Btw I didn’t mean my earlier post to be insensitive to anyone...I guess calling it a gender reveal is a habit I’ll work on breaking. Also I’m just grouchy today and used my words poorly. Please nobody hire a vicious dragon to come after me. I don’t have the energy to fight it off.
@jynjer91 - There will be no hiring of vicious dragons. And Blast won’t be looking for employment for at least another 16+ years.
Please try not to read too much into our tone on this one. I think everyone is just trying to give friendly suggestions. Nobody is trying to call you out for sure.
I think several of us are struggling with hormones right now, and the gender/sex thing kind of is like someone scratching you in the same place over and over. Also, frankly, like a lot of topics (safe sleep, circumcision, feeding, etc), there are people who feel really strongly about the topic, and sometimes you just have to roll with it.
All this to say- we still like you, and we can be a grumpy ass bunch too.
@knottieamusements Now I’m thinking of putting an ad on Craigslist: Vicious dragon for hire! Have any enemies? Uncontrollable kids? Call your local dragon agency! 1-800-GO DRAGN Mention this ad for a 10% discount!
Ugh. This week just keeps getting better and better I've felt gross these last few days, got pink-eye, and my mom fell and still isn't feeling back to normal and maybe getting worse. She went to the Dr twice and can't really remember what they told her but no apparent internal bleeding. She tried going to the chiropractor yesterday but when she told them she was feeling numb 'down there' like when she'd wipe, they said she needed to go back to the Dr. She didn't see the Dr but they had ordered an x-ray and called her back and said there was some other thing that will need to be taken care of but it's not urgent. This morning she messaged and said she's feeling tingly now and not sure what she should do. She took a pain med this morning with an English muffin, but barfed now. My mom has a long, complicated, medical history, which pretty much derives from her getting an artificial heart valve years ago. She is on a blood thinner because of it and has to monitor her blood closely. Quite a few years ago she had several strokes that mainly affected her memory, but very little physically. More recently, she's had seizures that she is medicated for and has been seizure free for about a year now. All that to say, that's why she can't really recall what Doctors tell her, so my sister and I try to make sure one of us is with her. Also to make sure she's telling the Dr everything, since she doesn't always remember that either. I've been feeling really gross so I haven't even tried going with her and now I don't know what to do. Just feeling very overwhelmed and frustrated.
@coffee-saur That sounds incredibly frustrating and scary. Just remember that listening and being there for your mother is doing something. It’s hard when so much is out of our control. Be kind to yourself too. Hoping she recovers soon.
@coffee-saur I’m so sorry man. I’m assuming the drs know about her memory issues right? Can’t they send her home with paperwork explaining what’s going on? I hope you can get answers soon and that all is well ❤️
@coffee-saur I'm sorry you're having to handle all of that on top of everything with you. It sounds really hard and frustrating.
I try really hard to use the term "sex" instead of gender. My sister falls more asexual and it's really helped put things into perspective. It's hard when I have a pretty religious family and my step dad just doesn't get it. I'm not always the best at using the term sex. I think what's important is being aware and working toward changing habits.
Re: sex vs gender. I’m super guilty of using the wrong term out of habit, but I make an effort. Especially since I’m bisexual and part of the LGBT community. It takes a lot of practice tho. My brother’s partner just came out as non binary and prefers they/them pronouns. It was very hard to switch after using she/her for so long and I still mess up sometimes.
My sister dated someone in HS who was biologically a female when they dated. At the time I believe she also identified as a lesbian female. It caused a lot of issues in my house because my step dad cannot understand it. While they were dating, her gf came out as transgendered and began hormone therapy. They ended up breaking up and it was really hard on my sister (her first love). He now identifies as male, and I can understand why he ended things with my sister. He wanted a fresh start and I know the whole process is very emotional and trying.
(I hope I used all of the right terms, I struggle sometimes.)
@sammierose464 the term you're looking for is AFAB, assigned female at birth. It's the term used to identify people who were categorized as female but do not identify as female. It works for trans men and nonbinary folk. The other term would AMAB, assigned male at birth.
Ladybug - April 2013 Dandelion - October 2018 Angel "Aurora" - July 2020 Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021 Angel "Maxine" - January 2022 Angel "Violet" - March 2022 Baby Dove due March 2023
One of my ex’s best friends is MtF transsexual. I have long suspected that part of the reason we didn’t have a wedding party is that my ex was quietly sidestepping the question of how to include her - no way was he going to ask her to wear a suit.
It is kind of sad to think about now, but other than our parents, nobody knew she was transitioning. None of us talked about it when asked why she was a bit odd because my family is a bunch of rednecks. We didn’t want anyone to be rude to her, but it makes me sad that we couldn’t be open about something that she was really comfortable talking about.
I guess, in retrospect, it is good that all my friends are a bit odd.
@sammierose464 the term you're looking for is AFAB, assigned female at birth. It's the term used to identify people who were categorized as female but do not identify as female. It works for trans men and nonbinary folk. The other term would AMAB, assigned male at birth.
Thanks. I try and be very sensitive to using the right terms, but I admit some ignorance.
Thanks ladies! you all... I just got back from taking my mom to the Dr. Dr said that while she's worried it maybe be a herniated disc in her back, it may just be a pinched nerve. The lower back bone has a natural curve to it and the x-ray showed that hers was straightened due to the trauma of the fall and the muscle spasming. Mom got a muscle relaxant that should help with the pain and on Monday if it's not better or getting worse they'll do a CT. The doctors office is very good about making sure us girls get the info, since mom doesn't remember things well. The office she went to had only one in today, so they couldn't call back with info right away. My sister is the medical attorney (is that the right word?) So she can get to all the records if need be. It's usually not an issue since this is a tiny town and everyone knows everyone kind of thing.
Glad they were able to help her! Hopefully she feels better soon.
I did something to my back this am and it hurts to breathe too deep. Ugh. It's probably because I decided to lift my mattresses and box spring to fix the slats under my bed... After I lost my balance and almost broke my bed...
@coffee-saur late to the party but glad to hear the relatively good news for your mom. Having parents with health issues is stressful. My mom does not have health insurance and my and my sibs are struggling with that.
@coffee-saur - I’m glad you were able to get the information that you need, and that you guys already have a medical POA in place. That can be an awkward conversation.
I actually did a small informal reveal party. I figured this was in lieu of a baby shower since it's baby 2. I called it a baby sex party. I definitely am making the conscious effort to use the correct terminology. My baby has a vag!
Power of Attorney was the phrase I was looking for! It became necessary years ago when she had her strokes and so on. I'm glad DH is off work today, cuz I don't think I can adult today. I did my quota for the day already. It may just be from the stress but I feel all achy and gross. H took all three kiddos to check cows this morning, which made it much easier to help mom and take her to the Dr. He now has DS and went to feed one of the baby calves, and will be back soon. Luckily the girls are playing well together!
@tinattt23 and others....did you find that you could still wear your normal bikinis, or was a maternity suit necessary? I've always worn bikinis with semi decent coverage in the rear, but I'm sure the tops are going to be another story with the boob growth.
@jemmerjams I think maternity suits are a waste of money. You can easily size up in a regular suit without paying the price jump that comes as soon as something gets labeled “maternity”. And you just have more options. I actually didn’t size up at all with DS since he was a December baby and I wasn’t super pregnant during the summer. I ended up buying a new suit last summer to accommodate nursing boobs and expanded hips. I expect that’ll be fine throughout this time.
@jemmerjams my bikinis always fit me through my entire pregnancy. I did grab a maternity tankini top for when I want to be a bit more conservative, but my bottoms always fit fine. I also have a lot of side tie bottoms, so those are easily changed.
@DunkinDecaf my husband made this out of this world 5-layer cake/cheesecake for our friend’s birthday last night. It made me think of you. Posting as spoiler for size.
@DunkinDecaf my husband made this out of this world 5-layer cake/cheesecake for our friend’s birthday last night. It made me think of you. Posting as spoiler for size.
Currently sitting at the emergency animal clinic with my 12ish year old Boston Terrier. It's the second time she's had this issue where something is clearly wrong with either her collar bone or spine. She yelps in pain a lot when she tries to move and this girl who fights for every bit of food, dead or alive, didn't finish breakfast. I'm expecting some xrays and expensive tests, that's fine. There's no way we are ready to say goodbye, but I have to prepare myself to make the decision of surgery vs calling it before she is miserable all of the time. Part of me feels like not doing surgery is financial and I'd feel guilty to let her go, and the other part of me wonders if I do surgery is it out of selfishness because I'm not ready to lose her. H told me if it ever came to this I would have to make the call because he can't handle it...which is fair, this is his first real dog.
So...would you do back or neck surgery on a senior ish dog?
@chopchop25 I'd probably wait to see what the prognostics would be, but I tend to lean towards letting go rather than prolonging the inevitable. It's not a popular opinion, but it's one that my family has been adoptive of for as long as I can remember.
I don't envy your situation at all, but hopefully there will be an alternative route that she can take without being in chronic pain or require surgery.
Maybe @kiwi2628 could shine some light on this tough call from a practitioner standpoint?
@chopchop25 that's an incredibly hard decision. I agree with waiting to find out how serious it is, how much pain she's in, and what her quality of life would be after.
I've only lost two pets in my life (that we had to put down). One was a kitten we had rescued and died at 7 months old. We had decided we were taking to put her down (she had some red blood count issues) and she died in the middle of the night. I was kinda glad we didn't have to choose. Although, sitting with her while she died was super hard...
@chopchop25 aw I’m so sorry. I would take into consideration the vets recommendation, her life expectancy if you do the procedures, and her quality of life going forward. If surgery buys you a few years and she’ll be comfortable, I’d do it. If it only buys you a couple months and/or she’d be in pain, I probably wouldn’t. So sorry you’re going through this. I hope you get good news and she’s ok ❤️
Thanks, guys! Was blessed with an amazing vet this morning who was 100% straight forward, which seriously helped. He flat out said he wouldn't discuss surgery with a dog her age who just needs to live out her days as happy as can be. But, it's an anatomical issue so we should also just expect her to have this pain as a reoccurring issue moving forward. She's crated for the next two weeks + increased meds, and then he said we'd just move her to lower dose of meds for pain management.
@chopchop25 I'm glad you have a great vet. I'm sorry you have to go through this though. My GSD has a chronic painful condition that we've been managaing for the past 6 years. It's tough figuring out if you are doing the right thing.
@chopchop25 I’m sorry you are going through this. Our senior cat was diagnosed with cancer and they flat out told us they couldn’t recommend any treatment for an animal his age. It’s been about two months and we are doing the best we can.
First- a disclaimer- I do not identify as genderqueer, and so my understanding of several of these terms is rudimentary. Also, if you ask different people what the term they identify by means, you may get very different answers.
Nonbinary means that you do not identify as either a male or female. My understanding is that it could mean you land somewhere on the spectrum between them, that you swing between the poles (one day female, the next day male) or that you reject the spectrum altogether.
Some people use “they” because it is a gender neutral pronoun. “It” is also gender neutral, but it is objectifying- we only use “it” for non-human things. It seems weird because “they” is normally used in a plural sense, however, “they” is also used as a singlular, gender neutral pronoun: “If someone wants to fly to France for vacation, they will need to get a passport.”
You may also see “xe” used; it is also a gender neutral pronoun, but is distinctly singular. I tend to flip between “xe” and ”they” when referring to Blast because I don’t know Blast’s sex. I refuse to refer to my baby as “it”, even though occasionally I see that in articles, blogs, etc. I’m actually contemplating whether it would be appropriate to use “xe” for Blast’s pronouns after xe is born, but I feel like that might cause more confusion for Baby than using the pronouns associated with xer sex and potentially be a source of bullying as Blast gets older.
(Hopefully this came off as helpful and not preachy- sorry if it didn’t.)
Edited for clarity - too many uses of the word “it”.
I’m so sorry about your cat @HoosOnFirst and your GSD @SawyerRichardson. And very sorry for your losses @knottieamusements. It’s so tough trying to help someone that loves you so unconditionally and can’t communicate what they need! to you and your furbabies
Re: Randoms 4/26
This is a similar trick that I use when I don’t know someone’s pronouns. “Could you help the person over there with a book?” Instead of “Could you help him/her/them/xem with a book?”
Please try not to read too much into our tone on this one. I think everyone is just trying to give friendly suggestions. Nobody is trying to call you out for sure.
I think several of us are struggling with hormones right now, and the gender/sex thing kind of is like someone scratching you in the same place over and over. Also, frankly, like a lot of topics (safe sleep, circumcision, feeding, etc), there are people who feel really strongly about the topic, and sometimes you just have to roll with it.
All this to say- we still like you, and we can be a grumpy ass bunch too.
She went to the Dr twice and can't really remember what they told her but no apparent internal bleeding. She tried going to the chiropractor yesterday but when she told them she was feeling numb 'down there' like when she'd wipe, they said she needed to go back to the Dr. She didn't see the Dr but they had ordered an x-ray and called her back and said there was some other thing that will need to be taken care of but it's not urgent.
This morning she messaged and said she's feeling tingly now and not sure what she should do. She took a pain med this morning with an English muffin, but barfed now.
My mom has a long, complicated, medical history, which pretty much derives from her getting an artificial heart valve years ago. She is on a blood thinner because of it and has to monitor her blood closely. Quite a few years ago she had several strokes that mainly affected her memory, but very little physically. More recently, she's had seizures that she is medicated for and has been seizure free for about a year now.
All that to say, that's why she can't really recall what Doctors tell her, so my sister and I try to make sure one of us is with her. Also to make sure she's telling the Dr everything, since she doesn't always remember that either. I've been feeling really gross so I haven't even tried going with her and now I don't know what to do. Just feeling very overwhelmed and frustrated.
DD 3/15/12
DD 6/3/14
#4 Due 10/26/18!
I’m sorry you are going through this. Every thing just seems to compound right now.
I try really hard to use the term "sex" instead of gender. My sister falls more asexual and it's really helped put things into perspective. It's hard when I have a pretty religious family and my step dad just doesn't get it. I'm not always the best at using the term sex. I think what's important is being aware and working toward changing habits.
(I hope I used all of the right terms, I struggle sometimes.)
Dandelion - October 2018
Angel "Aurora" - July 2020
Angel "Sawyer" - May 2021
Angel "Maxine" - January 2022
Angel "Violet" - March 2022
Baby Dove due March 2023
It is kind of sad to think about now, but other than our parents, nobody knew she was transitioning. None of us talked about it when asked why she was a bit odd because my family is a bunch of rednecks. We didn’t want anyone to be rude to her, but it makes me sad that we couldn’t be open about something that she was really comfortable talking about.
I guess, in retrospect, it is good that all my friends are a bit odd.
The doctors office is very good about making sure us girls get the info, since mom doesn't remember things well. The office she went to had only one in today, so they couldn't call back with info right away. My sister is the medical attorney (is that the right word?) So she can get to all the records if need be. It's usually not an issue since this is a tiny town and everyone knows everyone kind of thing.
DD 3/15/12
DD 6/3/14
#4 Due 10/26/18!
I did something to my back this am and it hurts to breathe too deep. Ugh. It's probably because I decided to lift my mattresses and box spring to fix the slats under my bed... After I lost my balance and almost broke my bed...
Hope your mom feels better!
I'm glad DH is off work today, cuz I don't think I can adult today. I did my quota for the day already. It may just be from the stress but I feel all achy and gross.
H took all three kiddos to check cows this morning, which made it much easier to help mom and take her to the Dr. He now has DS and went to feed one of the baby calves, and will be back soon. Luckily the girls are playing well together!
DD 3/15/12
DD 6/3/14
#4 Due 10/26/18!
Currently sitting at the emergency animal clinic with my 12ish year old Boston Terrier. It's the second time she's had this issue where something is clearly wrong with either her collar bone or spine. She yelps in pain a lot when she tries to move and this girl who fights for every bit of food, dead or alive, didn't finish breakfast.
I'm expecting some xrays and expensive tests, that's fine. There's no way we are ready to say goodbye, but I have to prepare myself to make the decision of surgery vs calling it before she is miserable all of the time. Part of me feels like not doing surgery is financial and I'd feel guilty to let her go, and the other part of me wonders if I do surgery is it out of selfishness because I'm not ready to lose her. H told me if it ever came to this I would have to make the call because he can't handle it...which is fair, this is his first real dog.
So...would you do back or neck surgery on a senior ish dog?
I don't envy your situation at all, but hopefully there will be an alternative route that she can take without being in chronic pain or require surgery.
Maybe @kiwi2628 could shine some light on this tough call from a practitioner standpoint?
I've only lost two pets in my life (that we had to put down). One was a kitten we had rescued and died at 7 months old. We had decided we were taking to put her down (she had some red blood count issues) and she died in the middle of the night. I was kinda glad we didn't have to choose. Although, sitting with her while she died was super hard...
What does nonbinary mean? Also, why do people use “they” as their pronoun? It confuses me because it’s plural.
First- a disclaimer- I do not identify as genderqueer, and so my understanding of several of these terms is rudimentary. Also, if you ask different people what the term they identify by means, you may get very different answers.
Nonbinary means that you do not identify as either a male or female. My understanding is that it could mean you land somewhere on the spectrum between them, that you swing between the poles (one day female, the next day male) or that you reject the spectrum altogether.
Some people use “they” because it is a gender neutral pronoun. “It” is also gender neutral, but it is objectifying- we only use “it” for non-human things. It seems weird because “they” is normally used in a plural sense, however, “they” is also used as a singlular, gender neutral pronoun: “If someone wants to fly to France for vacation, they will need to get a passport.”
You may also see “xe” used; it is also a gender neutral pronoun, but is distinctly singular. I tend to flip between “xe” and ”they” when referring to Blast because I don’t know Blast’s sex. I refuse to refer to my baby as “it”, even though occasionally I see that in articles, blogs, etc. I’m actually contemplating whether it would be appropriate to use “xe” for Blast’s pronouns after xe is born, but I feel like that might cause more confusion for Baby than using the pronouns associated with xer sex and potentially be a source of bullying as Blast gets older.
(Hopefully this came off as helpful and not preachy- sorry if it didn’t.)
Edited for clarity - too many uses of the word “it”.
There's a thread on TTGP that may get interesting yet... OP hasn't been back to comment on it yet, so dunno if she will, or just ghost.
https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12728072/cm#latest
DD 3/15/12
DD 6/3/14
#4 Due 10/26/18!